ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

More profile about the speaker
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Elizabeth Lesser: Say your truths and seek them in others

伊丽莎白·雷思尔: 说出你的真相,并探寻他人的真相

Filmed:
1,709,264 views

在这场抒情却又意想不到风趣的关于如脆弱关系以及爱人逝去的沉重话题的演讲中,伊丽莎白·雷思尔(Elizabeth Lesser)描述了放下自尊和防御进行灵魂交流并坦诚相待的心灵治愈过程。“你不必等到生死时刻去重整对你重要的关系”,她说道。“像第一个回应的人一样,成为向他人迈出勇敢的第一步的人。”
- Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

与许多人一样,
00:13
Like many许多 of us,
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00:14
I've had several一些 careers职业生涯 in my life,
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我一生中做过很多工作,
00:17
and although虽然 they've他们已经 been varied多变,
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尽管它们各有不同,
00:19
my first job工作 set the foundation基础
for all of them.
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但是我的第一份工作却为
所有的工作奠定了基石。
00:23
I was a home-birth家庭出生 midwife助产士
throughout始终 my 20s.
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在20多岁时,我是一位家庭助产士。
00:27
Delivering交付 babies婴儿 taught me
valuable有价值 and sometimes有时 surprising奇怪 things,
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接生孩子教会了我许多宝贵
乃至不可思议的事情,
00:32
like how to start开始 a car汽车 at 2am.
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比如如何在凌晨两点
当气温是零下十度的时候,
00:35
when it's 10 degrees below下面 zero.
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发动汽车。
00:37
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
00:38
Or how to revive复活 a father父亲
who's谁是 fainted昏厥 at the sight视力 of blood血液.
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如何唤醒一个晕血的父亲。
00:42
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
00:43
Or how to cut the umbilical脐带 cord just so,
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如何剪脐带,
00:46
to make a beautiful美丽 belly肚皮 button按键.
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才能形成一个漂亮的肚脐眼。
00:48
But those aren't the things
that stuck卡住 with me or guided引导 me
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但是在我不做助产士之后
00:52
when I stopped停止 being存在 a midwife助产士
and started开始 other jobs工作.
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这些事情就不再是我生活的指引
00:56
What stuck卡住 with me was this bedrock基岩 belief信仰
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一直陪伴我的是这个坚如磐石的观念:
01:00
that each one of us comes into this world世界
with a unique独特 worth价值.
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我们每一个人出生都是具有独特价值的
01:06
When I looked看着 into the face面对 of a newborn新生,
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当我看着新生儿的脸蛋时,
01:10
I caught抓住 a glimpse一瞥 of that worthiness老有所为,
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我看到了价值,
01:13
that sense of unapologetic毫无歉意 selfhood个性,
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看到了真实不屈的自我,
01:16
that unique独特 spark火花.
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看到了独特的闪光。
01:20
I use the word "soul灵魂"
to describe描述 that spark火花,
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我用“灵魂”去描述那一道闪光,
01:24
because it's the only word in English英语
that comes close to naming命名
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因为这是英语中唯一意思接近
01:29
what each baby宝宝 brought into the room房间.
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每一个婴儿所带来事物的单词。
01:32
Every一切 newborn新生 was as singular单数
as a snowflake雪花,
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每一个新生儿都如雪花般独特,
01:37
a matchless无比 mash-up混搭 of biology生物学
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都是自然、世族和神秘
01:40
and ancestry祖先 and mystery神秘.
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无法媲美的融合。
01:43
And then that baby宝宝 grows成长 up,
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当他们长大时,
01:46
and in order订购 to fit适合 into the family家庭,
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为了融入家庭,
01:48
to conform符合 to the culture文化,
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顺应文化,
01:50
to the community社区, to the gender性别,
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顺应团体,顺应性别角色,
01:53
that little one begins开始 to cover its soul灵魂,
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他们开始一层又一层的
01:56
layer by layer.
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掩盖灵魂。
01:58
We're born天生 this way,
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我们生来如此,
02:00
but --
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但是
02:01
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
02:03
But as we grow增长, a lot
of things happen发生 to us
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但是随着我们长大,
02:06
that make us ...
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许多发生在我们身上的事情
02:09
want to hide隐藏 our soulful深情
eccentricities怪癖 and authenticity真伪.
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使得我们想去掩盖
灵魂上的独特和真实。
02:14
We've我们已经 all doneDONE this.
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我们都这么做了。
02:16
Everyone大家 in this room房间 is a former前任的 baby宝宝 --
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这个屋子里的每一个人,
02:19
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
02:20
with a distinctive独特 birthright长子继承权.
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都曾是一个独特的孩子。
02:23
But as adults成年人, we spend so much
of our time uncomfortable不舒服 in our own拥有 skin皮肤,
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但作为成人,我们大多数时间都无法轻松自信的生活
02:28
like we have ADD:
authenticity真伪 deficit赤字 disorder紊乱.
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就像得了“真实性缺乏综合症”一样。
02:33
But not those babies婴儿 --
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但还好孩子们
02:35
not yet然而.
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还没有变成这样。
02:36
Their message信息 to me was:
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我从孩子那里学到:
02:38
uncover揭露 your soul灵魂
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去发现你的灵魂,
02:40
and look for that soul-spark灵魂火花
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并去找寻他人
02:43
in everyone大家 else其他.
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灵魂中的闪光。
02:45
It's still there.
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它仍在那里。
02:47
And here's这里的 what I learned学到了
from laboring劳动 women妇女.
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我从产妇那里学到:
02:50
Their message信息 was about staying open打开,
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保持开放态度,
02:53
even when things are painful痛苦.
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甚至这是痛苦的。
02:56
A woman's女人的 cervix宫颈 normally一般 looks容貌 like this.
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通常而言,女人的子宫颈看起来像这样。
02:59
It's a tight little muscle肌肉
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它是子宫底部
03:01
at the base基础 of the uterus子宫.
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一块紧致的小肌肉。
03:03
And during labor劳动,
it has to stretch伸展 from this
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而当生产时,它必须从这么大
03:07
to this.
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扩张至这么大。
03:08
Ouch哎哟!
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哎哟!
03:10
If you fight斗争 against反对 that pain疼痛,
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如果你与痛苦做抗争,
03:13
you just create创建 more pain疼痛,
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你只会变得更痛苦,
03:15
and you block what wants to be born天生.
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并且堵住那跃跃欲出的生命。
03:18
I'll never forget忘记 the magic魔法
that would happen发生
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我永远不会忘记
03:22
when a woman女人 stopped停止 resisting抵制 the pain疼痛
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当女人停止对痛苦的抵抗
并要张开宫口时,
03:26
and opened打开.
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将会发生的奇迹。
03:27
It was as if the forces军队
of the universe宇宙 took notice注意
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那就像全宇宙的力量汇集,
03:31
and sent发送 in a wave of help.
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送来一阵帮助。
03:33
I never forgot忘记 that message信息,
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我永远不会忘记那条讯息,
03:35
and now, when difficult
or painful痛苦 things happen发生 to me
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现在,当我在生活或工作中
03:39
in my life or my work,
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遇到困难或痛苦之事时,
03:41
of course课程 at first I resist them,
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起初我会抵抗,
03:44
but then I remember记得
what I learned学到了 from the mothers母亲:
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但后来我便会想起我从母亲们那里学到的:
03:47
stay open打开.
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保持开放,
03:49
Stay curious好奇.
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保持好奇。
03:50
Ask the pain疼痛 what it's come to deliver交付.
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探寻痛苦将要带来什么。
03:54
Something new wants to be born天生.
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新的事物想要到来。
03:57
And there was one more big soulful深情 lesson,
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还有更大的一课,
03:59
and that one I learned学到了
from Albert阿尔伯特 Einstein爱因斯坦.
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那是我从爱因斯坦那里学到的。
04:02
He wasn't at any of the births出生, but --
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这与生产无关,但是
04:04
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
04:05
It was a lesson about time.
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这是关于时间的一课。
04:09
At the end结束 of his life,
Albert阿尔伯特 Einstein爱因斯坦 concluded总结
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在他生命的晚期,爱因斯坦总结出
04:13
that our normal正常, hamster-wheel仓鼠轮
experience经验 of life
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我们平凡忙碌的生活体验
04:18
is an illusion错觉.
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不过是幻觉一场。
04:19
We run round回合 and round回合, faster更快 and faster更快,
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我们不停的奔走,越来越快,
04:22
trying to get somewhere某处.
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试图到达一个地方。
04:24
And all the while,
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而自始至终,
04:27
underneath surface表面 time
is this whole整个 other dimension尺寸
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在这些表象下,时间在另一个维度
04:31
where the past过去 and the present当下
and the future未来 merge合并
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将过去、现在和将来融合,
04:36
and become成为 deep time.
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成为深度时间。
04:39
And there's nowhere无处 to get to.
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我们无处可去。
04:42
Albert阿尔伯特 Einstein爱因斯坦 called
this state, this dimension尺寸,
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爱因斯坦将这种状态,这种维度
04:47
"only being存在."
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称作为“唯一的存在”。
04:48
And he said when he experienced有经验的 it,
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他说当他切身体会时,
04:50
he knew知道 sacred神圣 awe威严.
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他感受到了圣神的敬畏。
04:53
When I was delivering交付 babies婴儿,
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当我接生孩子时,
04:55
I was forced被迫 off the hamster仓鼠 wheel.
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我脱离了忙碌的生活节奏。
04:57
Sometimes有时 I had to sit for days,
hours小时 and hours小时,
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有时我要坐几个小时乃至几天,
05:01
just breathing呼吸 with the parents父母;
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只是与父母们共呼吸;
05:03
just being存在.
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只是存在。
05:05
And I got a big dose剂量 of sacred神圣 awe威严.
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而我也感到了那种圣神的敬畏。
05:09
So those are the three lessons教训
I took with me from midwifery助产.
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所以这是我从助产士生涯中学到的三课:
05:14
One: uncover揭露 your soul灵魂.
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第一,发现你的灵魂。
05:17
Two: when things get difficult
or painful痛苦, try to stay open打开.
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第二,当事情变得困难或痛苦时,保持开放心态。
05:23
And three: every一切 now and then,
step off your hamster仓鼠 wheel
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第三,时不时的脱离忙碌的生活,
05:27
into deep time.
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进入深度时间。
05:30
Those lessons教训 have served提供服务 me
throughout始终 my life,
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这三课伴随我一生,
05:34
but they really served提供服务 me recently最近,
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而最近当我从事生命中
最重要的工作时,
05:37
when I took on the most
important重要 job工作 of my life thus从而 far.
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他们变得格外有用。
05:42
Two years年份 ago, my younger更年轻 sister妹妹
came来了 out of remission缓解
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两年前,我的妹妹被诊断出
05:46
from a rare罕见 blood血液 cancer癌症,
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患有一种罕见的血癌,
05:49
and the only treatment治疗 left for her
was a bone marrow骨髓 transplant移植.
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而可行的治疗方案仅剩骨髓移植。
05:54
And against反对 the odds可能性,
we found发现 a match比赛 for her,
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历经千难万苦,我们为她找到了配型,
05:57
who turned转身 out to be me.
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而那个配型就是我。
06:00
I come from a family家庭 of four girls女孩,
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我来自一个四姐妹之家,
06:04
and when my sisters姐妹 found发现 out that
I was my sister's姐妹 perfect完善 genetic遗传 match比赛,
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当我的姐妹们发现
我是妹妹的最佳配型时,
06:10
their reaction反应 was, "Really? You?"
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她们的反应是,“真的吗?你?”
06:12
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
06:14
"A perfect完善 match比赛 for her?"
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“你是她的最佳配型?”
06:16
Which哪一个 is pretty漂亮 typical典型 for siblings兄弟姐妹.
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这对兄弟姐妹来说太典型了。
06:19
In a sibling兄弟 society社会,
there's lots of things.
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身处姐妹团体中,
会发生很多事情。
06:22
There's love and there's friendship友谊
and there's protection保护.
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会有爱、友谊和保护。
06:26
But there's also jealousy妒忌
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但是也会有嫉妒
06:28
and competition竞争
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和竞争,
06:30
and rejection拒绝 and attack攻击.
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排斥和攻击。
06:33
In siblinghoodsiblinghood, that's where we start开始
assembling组装 many许多 of those first layers
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在兄妹关系中,我们开始对灵魂
06:39
that cover our soul灵魂.
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进行第一层的隐藏。
06:42
When I discovered发现 I was my sister's姐妹 match比赛,
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当我发现和我妹妹配型成功时,
06:45
I went into research研究 mode模式.
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我开启了搜索模式。
06:47
And I discovered发现 that
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我发现
06:50
the premise前提 of transplants移植
is pretty漂亮 straightforward直截了当.
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移植的前期治疗十分直截了当:
06:52
You destroy破坏 all the bone marrow骨髓
in the cancer癌症 patient患者
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利用大量化疗手段
06:56
with massive大规模的 doses剂量 of chemotherapy化疗,
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摧毁癌症病人的所有骨髓,
06:59
and then you replace更换 that marrow骨髓
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然后再从捐赠者处获得数万个健康的骨髓细胞
07:01
with several一些 million百万 healthy健康
marrow骨髓 cells细胞 from a donor捐赠者.
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进行移植替换。
07:05
And then you do everything you can
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再次,用尽方法确保
07:07
to make sure that those new cells细胞
engraft灌输 in the patient患者.
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新的细胞在病人体内成长。
07:12
I also learned学到了 that bone marrow骨髓
transplants移植 are fraught误人子弟 with danger危险.
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同时我了解到骨髓移植充满着风险。
07:17
If my sister妹妹 made制作 it
through通过 the near-lethal近致死 chemotherapy化疗,
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尽管我的妹妹能够熬过近乎置人于死地的化疗,
07:22
she still would face面对 other challenges挑战.
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她仍然面临着许多挑战。
07:25
My cells细胞
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我的细胞
07:28
might威力 attack攻击 her body身体.
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可能会攻击她的身体。
07:31
And her body身体 might威力 reject拒绝 my cells细胞.
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并且,她的身体可能会排斥我的细胞。
07:34
They call this rejection拒绝 or attack攻击,
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他们称之为排斥反应或攻击反应,
07:37
and both could kill her.
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这都会杀了她。
07:39
Rejection拒绝. Attack攻击.
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排斥。攻击。
07:42
Those words had a familiar ring
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这些字眼在亲人之间
07:44
in the context上下文 of being存在 siblings兄弟姐妹.
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相当常见。
07:47
My sister妹妹 and I had
a long history历史 of love,
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我妹妹和我有过长时间的友爱,
07:50
but we also had a long history历史
of rejection拒绝 and attack攻击,
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但我们也有过长时间的排斥和攻击,
07:54
from minor次要 misunderstandings误解
to bigger betrayals背叛.
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从很小的误解到很大的背叛。
07:59
We didn't have
the kind of the relationship关系
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我们之间并没有可以
08:01
where we talked about the deeper更深 stuff东东;
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可以交心的那种关系。
08:03
but, like many许多 siblings兄弟姐妹 and like people
in all kinds of relationships关系,
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但是,像许多兄弟姐妹和各种关系中的人们一样,
08:08
we were hesitant to tell our truths真理,
156
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我们对说出真相感到犹豫,
08:11
to reveal揭示 our wounds伤口,
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对揭示伤痕感到犹豫,
08:14
to admit承认 our wrongdoings恶行.
158
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对承认错误感到犹豫。
08:17
But when I learned学到了 about
the dangers危险 of rejection拒绝 or attack攻击,
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但是当我了解到排斥和攻击的危险时,
08:22
I thought, it's time to change更改 this.
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我觉得是时候做出改变了。
08:25
What if we left the bone marrow骨髓
transplant移植 up to the doctors医生,
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要是我们把骨髓移植交给医生,
08:29
but did something that we later后来 came来了
to call our "soul灵魂 marrow骨髓 transplant移植?"
162
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但进行后来我们称之为的
“灵魂骨髓移植”会怎样?
08:36
What if we faced面对 any pain疼痛
we had caused造成 each other,
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要是我们坦然面对
给彼此造成的伤痛,
08:40
and instead代替 of rejection拒绝 or attack攻击,
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而不是排斥和攻击,
08:43
could we listen?
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我们会倾听吗?
08:45
Could we forgive原谅?
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我们会原谅吗?
08:47
Could we merge合并?
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我们会和好如初吗?
08:48
Would that teach our cells细胞 to do the same相同?
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这会让我们的细胞呈现出同样的效果吗?
08:53
To woo求爱 my skeptical怀疑的 sister妹妹,
I turned转身 to my parents'父母' holy text文本:
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为了博取我多疑的妹妹的欢心,
我像我父母的圣经寻求帮助:
08:58
the New Yorker纽约客 Magazine杂志.
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纽约客杂志。
08:59
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
09:01
I sent发送 her a cartoon动画片 from its pages网页
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我发给她杂志中的一幅漫画,
09:05
as a way of explaining说明
why we should visit访问 a therapist治疗师
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解释为什么我们要在将我的
骨髓取出并植入她身体之前
09:09
before having my bone marrow骨髓 harvested收获
and transplanted移植 into her body身体.
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拜访医师。
09:14
Here it is.
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就是这一张。
09:15
"I have never forgiven原谅 him for that thing
I made制作 up in my head."
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“我永远不会原谅由我
臆想出他做过的那件事。”
09:19
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
09:22
I told my sister妹妹
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我告诉我的妹妹,
09:24
we had probably大概 been doing the same相同 thing,
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我们可能也做过同样的事情,
09:27
carting卡丁车 around made-up捏造 stories故事
in our heads that kept不停 us separate分离.
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沉溺于脑海中臆想的故事,
彼此分离。
09:34
And I told her that after the transplant移植,
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我告诉她在移植之后,
09:37
all of the blood血液 flowing流动 in her veins
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在她血管中流动的所有血液,
09:39
would be my blood血液,
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都将是由我骨髓细胞生产的,
09:41
made制作 from my marrow骨髓 cells细胞,
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属于我的血液。
09:44
and that inside the nucleus
of each of those cells细胞
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并且在每一个细胞的细胞核中,
09:48
is a complete完成 set of my DNA脱氧核糖核酸.
186
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都会包含我的一整套DNA。
09:51
"I will be swimming游泳的 around in you
for the rest休息 of your life,"
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“我将在你的余生游荡,”
09:54
I told my slightly horrified吓坏了 sister妹妹.
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我告诉我有些受到惊吓的妹妹。
09:57
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
09:59
"I think we better clean清洁 up
our relationship关系."
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“我觉得我们最好重整我们的关系。”
10:04
A health健康 crisis危机 makes品牌 people
do all sorts排序 of risky有风险 things,
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健康危机会使得人们做
各种各样危险的事情,
10:07
like quitting戒烟 a job工作
or jumping跳跃 out of an airplane飞机
192
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比如辞职或跳下飞机,
10:11
and, in the case案件 of my sister妹妹,
193
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1991
在我妹妹这个例子中,
10:13
saying "yes" to several一些 therapy治疗 sessions会议,
194
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就是在骨髓移植期间,
10:17
during which哪一个 we got down to the marrow骨髓.
195
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对若干疗程说“是”。
10:23
We looked看着 at and released发布 years年份 of stories故事
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我们回顾并且倾诉这些年发生的故事,
10:28
and assumptions假设 about each other
197
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对彼此的猜忌、
10:30
and blame and shame耻辱
198
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责备和羞辱,
10:32
until直到 all that was left was love.
199
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但到最后剩下的只有爱。
10:38
People have said I was brave勇敢
to undergo经历 the bone marrow骨髓 harvest收成,
200
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人们说我很勇敢,
能够进行骨髓移植手术,
10:42
but I don't think so.
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但我并不这么认为。
10:44
What felt brave勇敢 to me
202
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让我觉得勇敢的,
10:46
was that other kind
of harvest收成 and transplant移植,
203
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是另一种移植,
10:49
the soul灵魂 marrow骨髓 transplant移植,
204
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灵魂的骨髓移植,
10:51
getting得到 emotionally感情上 naked
with another另一个 human人的 being存在,
205
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和另一个人在情感上坦诚相待,
10:55
putting aside在旁边 pride自豪 and defensiveness防御,
206
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摒弃傲慢和防御,
10:59
lifting吊装 the layers
207
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拨开层层防备,
11:01
and sharing分享 with each other
our vulnerable弱势 souls灵魂.
208
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彼此之间共享脆弱的灵魂。
11:06
I called on those midwife助产士 lessons教训:
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我回顾了从助产士经历中学到的一课:
11:09
uncover揭露 your soul灵魂.
210
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敞开你的灵魂。
11:11
Open打开 to what's scary害怕 and painful痛苦.
211
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对恐惧和痛苦敞开。
11:14
Look for the sacred神圣 awe威严.
212
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1856
搜寻神圣的敬畏。
11:17
Here I am with my marrow骨髓 cells细胞
after the harvest收成.
213
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这是我在移植之后,
我和我的骨髓细胞拍的照片。
11:21
That's they call it -- "harvest收成,"
214
669161
1900
他们称之为“收获”,
11:23
like it's some kind of bucolic牧歌
farm-to-table农场到餐桌 event事件 --
215
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3200
像是某种乡村的从农田到餐桌的仪式——
11:26
(Laughter笑声)
216
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1158
(笑声)
11:27
Which哪一个 I can assure保证 you it is not.
217
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但我可以向你保证绝不是那样。
11:31
And here is my brave勇敢, brave勇敢 sister妹妹
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3335
这是我勇敢的妹妹,
11:34
receiving接收 my cells细胞.
219
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1696
正在接受我的细胞。
11:37
After the transplant移植, we began开始 to spend
more and more time together一起.
220
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在移植之后,我们在一起的时间越来越多。
11:42
It was as if we were little girls女孩 again.
221
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2279
好像我们又变成曾经的小女孩。
11:45
The past过去 and the present当下 merged合并的.
222
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过去和现在合为一体。
11:48
We entered进入 deep time.
223
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我们进入了深度时间。
11:51
I left the hamster仓鼠 wheel of work and life
224
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我离开了慌忙的工作和生活,
11:55
to join加入 my sister妹妹
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到疾病和愈合的
11:57
on that lonely孤独 island
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1997
孤岛之上,
12:00
of illness疾病 and healing复原.
227
708444
1776
陪伴我的妹妹。
12:02
We spent花费 months个月 together一起 --
228
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1843
我们在一起数月的时间——
12:04
in the isolation隔离 unit单元,
229
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1762
在隔离病房,
12:06
in the hospital醫院 and in her home.
230
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在医院和在她的家中。
12:10
Our fast-paced快节奏 society社会
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我们快节奏的社会
12:12
does not support支持 or even value
this kind of work.
232
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并不支持或是认可这样的事情。
12:17
We see it as a disruption瓦解
of real真实 life and important重要 work.
233
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我们将之视为对真实生活
和重要工作的破坏。
12:21
We worry担心 about the emotional情绪化 drain排水
and the financial金融 cost成本 --
234
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我们对情感上的匮乏和
金钱上的花销感到担忧——
12:25
and, yes, there is a financial金融 cost成本.
235
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3575
对,确实存在金钱上的花销。
12:29
But I was paid支付
236
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但是我获得了一种我们的文化
12:31
in the kind of currency货币 our culture文化
seems似乎 to have forgotten忘记了 all about.
237
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似乎已经遗忘的报酬。
12:37
I was paid支付 in love.
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我以爱为酬劳。
12:39
I was paid支付 in soul灵魂.
239
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1745
我以灵魂为酬劳。
12:41
I was paid支付 in my sister妹妹.
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我以我的妹妹的情感为酬劳。
12:44
My sister妹妹 said the year after transplant移植
was the best最好 year of her life,
241
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5192
我妹妹说移植过后的一年是
她人生中最好的一年,
12:50
which哪一个 was surprising奇怪.
242
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1249
这令我很惊讶。
12:51
She suffered遭遇 so much.
243
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2448
她经受了那么多痛苦。
12:54
But she said life never tasted as sweet,
244
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但是她说人生从未如此甜蜜,
12:58
and that because of the soul-baring灵魂霸菱
245
766004
2744
因为我们彼此之间的
13:00
and the truth-telling讲真话
we had doneDONE with each other,
246
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2546
灵魂交流和坦诚相待,
13:03
she became成为 more unapologetically辩解 herself她自己
247
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3816
她对每个人
13:07
with everyone大家.
248
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都变得更加真诚无悔。
13:08
She said things
she'd always needed需要 to say.
249
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2968
她说她一直应当说的事情。
13:11
She did things she always wanted to do.
250
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2788
她做她一直想要做的事情。
13:15
The same相同 happened发生 for me.
251
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1959
我也同样如此。
13:17
I became成为 braver勇敢 about being存在 authentic真实
with the people in my life.
252
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我对我生命中的人变得更加真诚勇敢。
13:23
I said my truths真理,
253
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我说出我的真相,
13:25
but more important重要 than that,
I sought追捧 the truth真相 of others其他.
254
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但更重要的是,
我搜寻他人的真相。
13:31
It wasn't until直到
the final最后 chapter章节 of this story故事
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3384
直到这个故事的最终篇章,
13:35
that I realized实现 just how well
midwifery助产 had trained熟练 me.
256
803121
3449
我才意识到助产士是如何训练我的。
13:39
After that best最好 year of my sister's姐妹 life,
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在我妹妹人生中最棒的那年之后,
13:42
the cancer癌症 came来了 roaring咆哮 back,
258
810153
2001
癌症卷土重来,
13:44
and this time there was nothing more
the doctors医生 could do.
259
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而这次医生也不能做什么了。
13:47
They gave her just
a couple一对 of months个月 to live生活.
260
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2666
他们告诉她只剩下几个月的时间。
13:52
The night before my sister妹妹 died死亡,
261
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我妹妹去世的前夜,
13:55
I satSAT by her bedside床头.
262
823163
2708
我坐在她的床旁。
13:57
She was so small and thin.
263
825895
2283
她是如此的虚弱和瘦削。
14:00
I could see the blood血液 pulsing脉动 in her neck颈部.
264
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2523
我可以看到她颈部的血液脉动。
14:03
It was my blood血液, her blood血液, our blood血液.
265
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3545
这是我的血液,她的血液,我们的血液。
14:08
When she died死亡, part部分 of me would die, too.
266
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当她去世时,我的一部分也会死去。
14:12
I tried试着 to make sense of it all,
267
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我尝试着搞懂这一切:
14:17
how becoming变得 one with each other
268
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如何在成为一体后,
14:20
had made制作 us more ourselves我们自己,
269
848008
2009
我们变得更加真实自我,
14:22
our soul灵魂 selves自我,
270
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灵魂上的自我;
14:24
and how by facing面对 and opening开盘
to the pain疼痛 of our past过去,
271
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如何在面对并对过去的伤痛敞开心扉时,
14:29
we'd星期三 finally最后 been delivered交付 to each other,
272
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2499
我们最终释然;
14:32
and how by stepping步进 out of time,
273
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如何在脱离时间限制时,
14:34
we would now be connected连接的 forever永远.
274
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我们将永久的相连。
14:38
My sister妹妹 left me with so many许多 things,
275
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我妹妹留下许多给我,
14:42
and I'm going to leave离开 you now
with just one of them.
276
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2720
而我将留给你们其中之一。
14:45
You don't have to wait
for a life-or-death生或死 situation情况
277
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你们不需要等到一个生死时刻
14:50
to clean清洁 up the relationships关系
that matter to you,
278
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3119
去重整对你们很重要的关系,
14:53
to offer提供 the marrow骨髓 of your soul灵魂
279
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2623
去奉献你灵魂的骨髓,
14:57
and to seek寻求 it in another另一个.
280
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2188
去在他人身上找寻另一个灵魂。
15:00
We can all do this.
281
888297
1918
我们都可以做到。
15:02
We can be like a new kind
of first responder响应,
282
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4843
我们可以变得像第一个回应的人,
15:07
like the one to take
the first courageous勇敢 step
283
895106
4203
就像向他人跨出
15:11
toward the other,
284
899906
1752
勇敢的第一步的人,
15:13
and to do something or try to do something
285
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3245
做一些或者尝试着做一些
15:16
other than rejection拒绝 or attack攻击.
286
904951
3122
除排斥和攻击之外的事情。
15:20
We can do this with our siblings兄弟姐妹
287
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2166
我们可以与我们的亲人一起做,
15:22
and our mates队友
288
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1402
我们的同伴一起做,
15:24
and our friends朋友 and our colleagues同事.
289
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2256
我们的朋友、我们的同事一起做。
15:26
We can do this with the disconnection断开
290
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2628
我们可以与已经不曾联系或
15:29
and the discord不和 all around us.
291
917093
2750
与有过冲突的人一起做。
15:32
We can do this for the soul灵魂 of the world世界.
292
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3666
我们可以为了世间灵魂而做。
15:36
Thank you.
293
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谢谢。
15:37
(Applause掌声)
294
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5996
(掌声)
Translated by Lipeng Chen
Reviewed by Alice Leong

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

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Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com