ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sally Kohn - Political pundit
Sally Kohn searches for common ground among political foes by focusing on the compassion and humanity in everyone.

Why you should listen

Sally Kohn has a powerful vision for a more united United States. She's a columnist and a political commentator for CNN, and she is working on a book about hate that will be published in the spring of 2018. As a former contributor to Fox News, this progressive lesbian sparred with some of the most conservative minds on television and has sifted through hundreds of letters of hate mail a day. But she deeply believes in finding our common humanity, political differences aside. Before we can achieve political correctness, we must first establish emotional correctness — and this will ignite conversations that lead to real change.

Kohn has appeared on Fox, MSNBC and CNN and has written for The Daily Beast, Salon, The Atlantic and TIME Magazine.

More profile about the speaker
Sally Kohn | Speaker | TED.com
TED@NYC

Sally Kohn: Let’s try emotional correctness

Filmed:
2,012,109 views

It's time for liberals and conservatives to transcend their political differences and really listen to each other, says political pundit Sally Kohn. In this optimistic talk, Kohn shares what she learned as a progressive lesbian talking head on Fox News. It’s not about political correctness, she says, but rather, emotional correctness. (Contains profanity.)
- Political pundit
Sally Kohn searches for common ground among political foes by focusing on the compassion and humanity in everyone. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:13
So when I do my job, people hate me.
0
1015
3671
00:16
In fact, the better I do my job,
1
4686
2510
00:19
the more people hate me.
2
7196
1774
00:20
And no, I'm not a meter maid,
3
8970
1976
00:22
and I'm not an undertaker.
4
10946
1819
00:24
I am a progressive lesbian talking head
5
12765
3213
00:27
on Fox News. (Applause)
6
15978
3097
00:31
So y'all heard that, right? Just to make sure, right?
7
19075
2375
00:33
I am a gay talking head on Fox News.
8
21450
3305
00:36
I am going to tell you how I do it
9
24755
1802
00:38
and the most important thing I've learned.
10
26557
2205
00:40
So I go on television.
11
28762
1607
00:42
I debate people who literally want to obliterate
12
30369
3052
00:45
everything I believe in, in some cases,
13
33421
1908
00:47
who don't want me and people like me to even exist.
14
35329
3413
00:50
It's sort of like Thanksgiving
with your conservative uncle
15
38742
3249
00:53
on steroids,
16
41991
1934
00:55
with a live television audience of millions.
17
43925
3135
00:59
It's totally almost just like that.
18
47060
2920
01:01
And that's just on air.
19
49980
1272
01:03
The hate mail I get is unbelievable.
20
51252
2187
01:05
Last week alone, I got 238 pieces of nasty email
21
53439
5251
01:10
and more hate tweets than I can even count.
22
58690
2877
01:13
I was called an idiot, a traitor, a scourge,
23
61567
3445
01:17
a cunt, and an ugly man,
24
65012
2512
01:19
and that was just in one email.
25
67524
1813
01:21
(Laughter)
26
69337
2826
01:24
So what have I realized,
27
72163
2647
01:26
being on the receiving end of all this ugliness?
28
74810
2770
01:29
Well, my biggest takeaway is that for decades,
29
77580
2795
01:32
we've been focused on political correctness,
30
80375
3147
01:35
but what matters more is emotional correctness.
31
83522
4288
01:39
Let me give you a small example.
32
87810
1833
01:41
I don't care if you call me a dyke. I really don't.
33
89643
2917
01:44
I care about two things.
34
92560
1382
01:45
One, I care that you spell it right.
35
93942
2675
01:48
(Laughter) (Applause)
36
96617
5255
01:53
Just quick refresher, it's D-Y-K-E.
37
101872
3422
01:57
You'd totally be surprised.
38
105294
2794
02:00
And second, I don't care about the word,
39
108088
1659
02:01
I care about how you use it.
40
109747
1608
02:03
Are you being friendly? Are you just being naive?
41
111355
2435
02:05
Or do you really want to hurt me personally?
42
113790
4015
02:09
Emotional correctness is the tone, the feeling,
43
117805
4395
02:14
how we say what we say,
44
122200
2156
02:16
the respect and compassion we show one another.
45
124356
3252
02:19
And what I've realized is that political persuasion
46
127608
2554
02:22
doesn't begin with ideas or facts or data.
47
130162
4189
02:26
Political persuasion begins with
being emotionally correct.
48
134351
4099
02:30
So when I first went to go work at Fox News,
49
138450
2644
02:33
true confession,
50
141094
1568
02:34
I expected there to be marks in the carpet
51
142662
2762
02:37
from all the knuckle-dragging.
52
145424
2220
02:39
That, by the way, in case you're paying attention,
is not emotionally correct.
53
147644
4664
02:44
But liberals on my side,
54
152308
2955
02:47
we can be self-righteous,
we can be condescending,
55
155263
3063
02:50
we can be dismissive of anyone
who doesn't agree with us.
56
158326
2869
02:53
In other words, we can be politically right
57
161195
2837
02:56
but emotionally wrong.
58
164032
2806
02:58
And incidentally, that means that
59
166838
2643
03:01
people don't like us. Right?
60
169481
3495
03:04
Now here's the kicker.
61
172976
1955
03:06
Conservatives are really nice.
62
174931
2093
03:09
I mean, not all of them,
63
177024
1694
03:10
and not the ones who send me hate mail,
64
178718
1972
03:12
but you would be surprised.
65
180690
1791
03:14
Sean Hannity is one of the sweetest guys
66
182481
2369
03:16
I've ever met.
67
184850
1893
03:18
He spends his free time
68
186743
1595
03:20
trying to fix up his staff on blind dates,
69
188338
2608
03:22
and I know that if I ever had a problem,
70
190946
1937
03:24
he would do anything he could to help.
71
192883
2989
03:27
Now, I think Sean Hannity is
72
195872
2244
03:30
99 percent politically wrong,
73
198116
2703
03:32
but his emotional correctness
is strikingly impressive,
74
200819
3448
03:36
and that's why people listen to him.
75
204267
2089
03:38
Because you can't get anyone to agree with you
76
206356
2453
03:40
if they don't even listen to you first.
77
208809
2863
03:43
We spend so much time talking past each other
78
211672
2973
03:46
and not enough time talking
through our disagreements,
79
214645
3178
03:49
and if we can start to find
compassion for one another,
80
217823
3640
03:53
then we have a shot at building common ground.
81
221463
3585
03:57
It actually sounds really hokey
82
225048
2109
03:59
to say it standing up here,
83
227157
1936
04:01
but when you try to put it in practice,
84
229093
2242
04:03
it's really powerful.
85
231335
1986
04:05
So someone who says they hate immigrants,
86
233321
2879
04:08
I try to imagine how scared they must be
87
236200
2248
04:10
that their community is changing
from what they've always known.
88
238448
3088
04:13
Or someone who says they
don't like teachers' unions,
89
241536
3510
04:17
I bet they're really devastated to see
90
245046
1915
04:18
their kid's school going into the gutter,
91
246961
1573
04:20
and they're just looking for someone to blame.
92
248534
3100
04:23
Our challenge is to find the compassion for others
93
251634
4298
04:27
that we want them to have for us.
94
255932
2655
04:30
That is emotional correctness.
95
258587
3078
04:33
I'm not saying it's easy.
96
261665
1816
04:35
An average of, like, 5.6 times per day
97
263481
2582
04:38
I have to stop myself from responding
98
266063
1836
04:39
to all of my hate mail with a flurry of vile profanities.
99
267899
5184
04:45
This whole finding compassion
100
273083
3029
04:48
and common ground with your enemies thing
101
276112
2048
04:50
is kind of like a political-spiritual practice for me,
102
278160
3201
04:53
and I ain't the Dalai Lama.
103
281361
3067
04:56
I'm not perfect, but what I am is optimistic,
104
284428
5871
05:02
because I don't just get hate mail.
105
290299
2317
05:04
I get a lot of really nice letters, lots of them.
106
292616
3296
05:07
And one of my all-time favorites begins,
107
295912
2641
05:10
"I am not a big fan of your political leanings
108
298553
2685
05:13
or your sometimes tortured logic,
109
301238
5239
05:18
but I'm a big fan of you as a person."
110
306477
3943
05:22
Now this guy doesn't agree with me, yet.
111
310420
3893
05:26
(Laughter)
112
314313
2975
05:29
But he's listening, not because of what I said,
113
317288
3700
05:32
but because of how I said it,
114
320988
1906
05:34
and somehow, even though we've never met,
115
322894
1577
05:36
we've managed to form a connection.
116
324471
2413
05:38
That's emotional correctness,
117
326884
2310
05:41
and that's how we start the conversations
118
329194
2685
05:43
that really lead to change.
119
331879
1924
05:45
Thank you.
120
333803
2473
05:48
(Applause)
121
336276
4000

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sally Kohn - Political pundit
Sally Kohn searches for common ground among political foes by focusing on the compassion and humanity in everyone.

Why you should listen

Sally Kohn has a powerful vision for a more united United States. She's a columnist and a political commentator for CNN, and she is working on a book about hate that will be published in the spring of 2018. As a former contributor to Fox News, this progressive lesbian sparred with some of the most conservative minds on television and has sifted through hundreds of letters of hate mail a day. But she deeply believes in finding our common humanity, political differences aside. Before we can achieve political correctness, we must first establish emotional correctness — and this will ignite conversations that lead to real change.

Kohn has appeared on Fox, MSNBC and CNN and has written for The Daily Beast, Salon, The Atlantic and TIME Magazine.

More profile about the speaker
Sally Kohn | Speaker | TED.com