ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Green - Video game designer
Amy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories.

Why you should listen

Amy Green writes and designs video games for Numinous Games, whose first title, That Dragon, Cancer, was an intimate autobiography of the life and death of her son Joel Green. Along with her husband and a team of six other developers, she used a video game to artistically portray the surreal emotional landscape of raising a child with a terminal illness. In May 2017, the Peabody Media Center and the University of Georgia awarded That Dragon, Cancer a Peabody-Facebook Futures of Media Award for Best Video Game.

Green's current project, Untethered, is an episodic virtual reality mystery that allows the player to speak out loud to the characters within the game. These characters speak back to the player, including the player as an integral character in the quirky story that is being told in the game.

Green's work with Numinous Games has been recognized by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts, South by Southwest, Games for Change, the Independent Game Developers Association, the Game Awards and has been featured in press coverage by the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Wired Magazine, Popular Science, RadioLab, CBS Sunday Morning, the BBC and the Guardian.

More profile about the speaker
Amy Green | Speaker | TED.com
TEDNYC

Amy Green: A video game to cope with grief

艾米·格林: 一款体验悲痛的游戏

Filmed:
1,614,279 views

当艾米·格林的幼子被诊断出罕见脑瘤,她为他的兄弟们讲述了一个跟癌症斗争的床边故事。故事最后做成了一款游戏,“巨龙;癌症”,这是一段玩家不可能赢的游戏。在这次有关失去的温馨演讲中,艾米将快乐和玩耍带入悲剧故事的情景。“我们做了一款很难玩下去的游戏,”她说,“因为我们生命中最艰难的时光改变了我们,让我们成就自我。”
- Video game designer
Amy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
Two months个月 ago, my kids孩子 and I
huddled around a cell细胞 phone电话
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两月前,我和孩子们围着一个手机
观看 Game Awards 直播,
00:17
watching观看 the live生活 stream
of the Game游戏 Awards奖项,
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这是视频游戏行业的年度盛事之一。
00:19
one of the video视频 game游戏
industry's业界 biggest最大 nights.
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他们宣布了年度
最有影响力的游戏提名,
00:22
They announced公布 the nominees被提名人
for the Game游戏 for Impact碰撞,
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该奖项颁发给那些触动思想的游戏,
00:26
an award that's given特定
to a thought-provoking发人深省 video视频 game游戏
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引发了显著的积极的社会影响。
00:29
with a profound深刻 prosocial亲社会
message信息 or meaning含义.
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他们打开了信封,
00:32
They opened打开 the envelope信封
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念出了我们的游戏的名字。
00:34
and they read the title标题 of our video视频 game游戏.
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最具……
00:37
An award ...
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影响力奖。
00:39
for impact碰撞.
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实际上想想非常好玩,
00:41
It was almost几乎 funny滑稽, actually其实,
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因为我一直觉得赢得这样一个奖项
00:42
because I always thought
that winning胜利 an award like that
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会对我的生活产生巨大的影响。
00:45
would have this huge巨大 impact碰撞 on my life,
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但是我发现恰恰相反。
00:48
but I found发现 that the opposite对面 is true真正.
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00:51
The big nights,
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那个夜晚,
这些成就——
00:53
the accomplishments成就 --
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都消退了。
00:55
they fade褪色.
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真正难忘的是那些最艰难的时光,
00:57
But the hardest最难 nights of my life
have stuck卡住 with me,
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影响了我对自我的定义,
01:00
impacting影响 who I am
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也改变了我的行为方式。
01:02
and what I do.
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01:05
In 2010, my third第三 son儿子, Joel乔尔, was diagnosed确诊
with a rare罕见 and aggressive侵略性 brain tumor.
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2010年我的第三个儿子Joel被诊断出
一种罕见的、严重的脑瘤。
01:12
And before that year was finished,
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那年年底的时候,
医生坐在我和我丈夫的身边
01:14
doctors医生 satSAT my husband丈夫 and I down
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告诉我们Joel的脑瘤复发了,
01:17
and let us know
that his tumor had returned
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即使用最激进的放疗和
化疗方法也无济于事。
01:20
despite尽管 the most aggressive侵略性 chemotherapy化疗
and radiation辐射 that they could offer提供 him.
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01:26
On that terrible可怕 night,
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那个可怕的夜晚,
当我们知道Joel可能
只有四个月时间之后,
01:28
after learning学习 that Joel乔尔
had perhaps也许 four months个月 to live生活,
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在我哄我另外两个孩子睡觉的时候——
01:32
I cuddled拥抱 up with
my two older旧的 sons儿子 in bed --
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他们那时分别是五岁和三岁——
01:35
they were five and three at the time --
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我真的不知道他们能够理解多少,
01:37
and I never really knew知道
how much they understood了解,
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所以我用床边故事的方式开始讲述。
01:40
so I started开始 telling告诉 them a bedtime就寝时间 story故事.
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我讲述故事的主人公
是一个叫Joel的勇士,
01:44
I told them about this
very brave勇敢 knight骑士 named命名 Joel乔尔
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他的历险故事是去战胜一头可怕的
叫做癌症的巨龙。
01:48
and his adventure冒险 fighting战斗
a terrible可怕 dragon called cancer癌症.
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01:53
Every一切 night, I told them
more of the story故事,
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每天晚上我都把故事多讲述一点,
但是我从未想过要结束这个故事。
01:56
but I never let the story故事 end结束.
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我创造了一个世界,让他们能够理解
01:58
I was just building建造 up a context上下文
that they could understand理解
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并且希望我们的祈祷能够被应许,
02:02
and hoping希望 that our prayers祈祷
would be answered回答
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我永远不会告诉孩子们那个骑士,
02:04
and I would never
have to tell them that that knight骑士,
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那个勇敢拼搏的骑士
02:06
who had fought战斗 so bravely勇敢地,
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已经尽力了,
02:09
was doneDONE fighting战斗
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现在可以永远的安息。
02:10
and could rest休息 now, forever永远.
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02:14
Fortunately幸好, I never did have to
finish that bedtime就寝时间 story故事.
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幸运的是我不需要结束
这个床边故事。
我的孩子们已经长大了。
02:18
My children孩子 outgrew已成长大 it.
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Joel的治疗效果
超出了所有人的预期,
02:21
Joel乔尔 responded回应 better than anyone任何人 expected预期
to palliative治标不治本 treatment治疗,
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他坚持了不止几个月,
02:25
and so instead代替 of months个月,
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而是几年的时间让我们学会
如何全身心的和他相处。
02:26
we spent花费 years年份 learning学习 how to love
our dying垂死 child儿童 with all of our hearts心中.
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02:34
Learning学习 to recognize认识
that shameful可耻 feeling感觉
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我们学会了正视自己的
让人惭愧的心态,
希望能够爱得有所保留,
02:36
of holding保持 back just a little love
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这样在漫长的告别的道路上
02:39
to try to spare备用 ourselves我们自己
just a little pain疼痛
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留给我们的痛苦就会少一些。
02:42
somewhere某处 further进一步 down the road.
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02:45
We pushed past过去 that self-preservation自保
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我们克服了那种爱的保留,
因为Joel值得我们去爱,
即使我们可能因此崩溃。
02:48
because Joel乔尔 was worth价值 loving爱心
even if that love could crush粉碎 us.
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02:54
And that lesson of intense激烈
vulnerability漏洞 has changed me ...
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这种强烈的脆弱感改变了我——
02:59
more than any award ever could.
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这是任何奖项都做不到的。
03:02
We started开始 living活的 like Joel乔尔 could live生活,
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我们开始按照Joel可能的方式来生活,
同时我们开始开发一款视频游戏,
叫做“巨龙:癌症”。
03:05
and we began开始 developing发展 a video视频 game游戏
called "That Dragon, Cancer癌症."
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这是Joel的故事。
03:11
It was the story故事 of Joel乔尔.
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这是一个在死亡阴影下追寻希望的故事。
03:14
It was the story故事 of hope希望
in the shadow阴影 of death死亡.
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故事里有信念
03:18
It was the story故事 of faith信仰
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03:20
and doubt怀疑,
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和动摇,
以及意识到跟动摇做抗争
也是信念的一部分——
03:22
and the realization实现 that a wrestle搏斗
with doubt怀疑 is a part部分 of faith信仰 --
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03:28
maybe the biggest最大 part部分 of it.
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可能是最重要的一部分。
03:30
It was a story故事 that began开始 as a miracle奇迹
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这个故事从一个奇迹开始,
以一座纪念碑结束。
03:34
and ended结束 as a memorial纪念馆.
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03:37
(Music音乐)
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(音乐)
(婴儿笑声)
03:39
(Giggle傻笑)
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(拍手)
03:41
(Clapping拍手)
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(音乐)
03:42
(Music音乐)
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(视频)爸爸:跳一跳~喜欢么?
03:46
(Video视频) Dad: Bouncing蹦蹦 around,
do you like that?
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(咯咯笑)
03:49
(Giggle傻笑)
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我喜欢你咯咯笑。
03:50
I love your giggle傻笑.
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(音乐)
03:51
(Music音乐)
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03:58
(Giggle傻笑)
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(咯咯笑)
04:01
[A Journey旅程 of Hope希望 In the Shadow阴影 of Death死亡]
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[这是一段在死亡阴影下追寻希望的旅程]
04:07
[That Dragon, Cancer癌症]
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[巨龙,癌症]
(音乐)
04:10
(Music音乐)
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当你玩“巨龙,癌症”这个游戏的时候,
04:15
When you play "That Dragon, Cancer癌症,"
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你变成了Joel一生的见证者,
04:17
you're transformed改造
into a witness见证 of Joel's乔尔的 life,
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进入了我们的情感空间进行探索,
04:21
exploring探索 an emotional情绪化 landscape景观,
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通过点击发现更多我们做为一个家庭
感受和体验到的(情感)。
04:23
clicking点击 to discover发现 more of what
we as a family家庭 felt and experienced有经验的.
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这有点像是在分析感应诗,
04:29
It feels感觉 a little bit
like analyzing分析 interactive互动 poetry诗歌
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因为游戏的每个环节都是一个隐喻,
04:33
because every一切 game游戏 mechanic机械 is a metaphor隐喻,
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当玩家越频繁的好奇
04:36
and so the more the player播放机 asks themselves他们自己
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游戏设计者的意图,以及原因,
04:38
what we as designers设计师
were trying to express表现 and why,
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玩家的体验就更加丰富。
04:42
the richer更丰富 the experience经验 becomes.
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04:45
We took that vulnerability漏洞
that Joel乔尔 taught us,
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我们展现了Joel带给我们的脆弱,
并将其嵌入到了游戏中。
04:48
and we encoded编码 the game游戏 with it.
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04:51
Players玩家 expect期望 their video视频 games游戏
to offer提供 them branching分枝 narrative叙述
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玩家希望游戏能够提供多种剧情,
这样他们的每种选择都显得很重要,
04:55
so that every一切 decision决定
that they make feels感觉 important重要
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可以改变游戏的最终结果。
04:58
and can change更改 the outcome结果 of the game游戏.
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我们抛弃了这个游戏设计的原理,
05:01
We subverted颠覆 that principle原理
of game游戏 design设计,
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将玩家的选择进行了压缩,
05:04
collapsing崩溃 the choices选择 in on the player播放机
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这样玩家就会发现
05:07
so that they discover发现 for themselves他们自己
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无论他们怎么选择,都不会
改变Joel的命运。
05:09
that there is nothing that they can do
that will change更改 the outcome结果 for Joel乔尔.
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05:14
And they feel that discovery发现
as deeply and desperately拼命 as we felt it
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当玩家意识到的时候,他们会
感受到我们当时深深的绝望,
无数夜晚我们将Joel拥在怀中,
不停的祈祷,
05:20
on nights when we held保持 Joel乔尔
in our arms武器 praying祈祷 for hours小时,
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固执地希望奇迹能够发生,
即使我们知道不会。
05:24
stubbornly固执地 holding保持 out hope希望 for a grace恩典
that we could not create创建 for ourselves我们自己.
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我们都希望赢,
05:30
We'd星期三 all prefer比较喜欢 to win赢得,
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但是如果你发现根本赢不了的时候,
05:33
but when you discover发现 that you can't win赢得,
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你会追求什么呢?
05:36
what do you value instead代替?
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05:39
I never planned计划 to write video视频 games游戏,
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我从来没有想过要做这款游戏,
但是那些时光真的改变了我们的生活,
05:41
but these moments瞬间
that really change更改 our lives生活,
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改变我们的往往是我们最困难的时光
——而不是最荣耀的时刻。
05:44
they often经常 come as the result结果
of our hardship -- and not our glory荣耀.
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05:49
When we thought that Joel乔尔 could live生活,
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当我们认为Joel可以挺过去时,
我将游戏的设计工作
转交给了我的丈夫。
05:51
I left the game游戏 designing设计 to my husband丈夫.
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我只是提一些思路,
05:53
I chimed帮腔 in here and there
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构思一两个场景并提一些建议。
05:55
with a scene现场 or two and some suggestions建议.
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但是当那晚Joel离去之后,
05:58
But after the night that Joel乔尔 died死亡,
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06:02
the passion,
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这股动力,
将Joel的生活融入
我们的游戏的可能——
06:03
the possibility可能性 of sharing分享 Joel's乔尔的 life
through通过 our video视频 game游戏 --
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这是我觉得必须要去做的。
06:08
it was something that I couldn't不能 resist.
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我开始更积极的参与,
06:10
I started开始 writing写作 more,
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我参加团队的设计讨论会,
06:11
I satSAT in on our team's球队的 design设计 meetings会议,
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我提供了更多的想法
并指导了多个场景。
06:14
I added添加 more ideas思路
and I helped帮助 direct直接 scenes场景.
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我发现做视频游戏就是在讲述故事,
06:17
And I discovered发现 that creating创建
a video视频 game游戏 is telling告诉 a story故事,
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只不过用完全不同的词汇。
06:22
but with an entirely完全 new vocabulary词汇.
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想象力和表现形式的
基本元素都是一致的,
06:24
All the same相同 elements分子 of imagination想像力
and symbolism象征 are there,
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但是需要融入到游戏角色的设计
06:30
but they're just partnered合作
with player播放机 agency机构
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和整体的感染力中。
06:33
and system系统 responsiveness响应.
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06:36
It's challenging具有挑战性的 work.
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挑战性非常大。
我需要用全新的思维方式去做,
06:37
I have to think
in a totally完全 new way to do it,
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但是我喜欢。
06:40
but I love it.
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没有Joel我无法接触到这些。
06:42
And I wouldn't不会 have known已知
that without Joel乔尔.
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可能你们会有些吃惊,
06:46
Maybe you're a little surprised诧异
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我们会选择在视频游戏中
分享晚期癌症的故事。
06:48
by our choice选择 to share分享 our story故事
of terminal终奌站 cancer癌症 through通过 a video视频 game游戏.
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06:54
Perhaps也许 you're even thinking思维
like so many许多 people before you:
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或许你现在想的
跟之前很多人想的一样:
癌症不是儿戏。
06:57
cancer癌症 is not a game游戏.
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07:01
Well, tell that
to any pediatric小儿科的 cancer癌症 parent
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但是对于任何
子女得了癌症的父母而言,
他们可能会把医疗手套吹成个大气球,
07:03
that's ever taken采取 an exam考试 glove手套
and blown it up into a balloon气球,
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可能用注射器做一个火箭飞船,
07:07
or transformed改造 a syringe注射器
into a rocket火箭 ship,
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或是让他们的孩子骑在
静脉注射架上,在医院走廊上玩,
07:10
or let their child儿童 ride their IVIV pole
through通过 the hospital醫院 halls大厅
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就像赛车一样。
07:14
like it was a race种族 car汽车.
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07:16
Because when you have children孩子,
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因为当你有了孩子的时候,
做任何事都会变成游戏。
07:19
everything is a game游戏.
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07:21
And when your young年轻 child儿童
experiences经验 something traumatic创伤,
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尤其是当你的孩子
需要忍受痛苦的时候,
你会更加努力的
把这个过程做得更像是游戏,
07:25
you work even harder更难 to make sure
that their life feels感觉 like a game游戏
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因为孩子天生是
通过游戏来理解这个世界的。
07:29
because children孩子 naturally自然
explore探索 their worlds世界 through通过 play.
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07:34
While cancer癌症 can steal
many许多 things from a family家庭,
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癌症会从家庭中偷走很多东西,
玩耍不应该被偷走。
07:37
it shouldn't不能 steal play.
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07:39
If you're listening to me
and you're trying to imagine想像 this family家庭
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如果你听我讲述的时候,
想象这个家庭,
当你想象一个将死的孩子
周围的一切,
07:43
that revolves围绕 entirely完全
around a dying垂死 child儿童,
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但你想象的画面中
没有快乐,
07:47
and you can't imagine想像 joy喜悦
as part部分 of that picture图片,
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那么跟你分享我们的故事就很正确了,
07:51
then we were right
to share分享 our story故事 with you,
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因为那个时候我们的生活非常艰难。
07:54
because that season季节 of our life was hard.
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无法言表的艰难,
07:58
Unspeakably无法形容 hard at times,
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08:01
but it was also pure hope希望,
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但是也有纯粹的希望,
08:04
deep love
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深刻的爱,
和我从未体验过的快乐。
08:05
and joy喜悦 like I have never
experienced有经验的 since以来.
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08:09
Our video视频 game游戏 was our attempt尝试
to share分享 that world世界
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我们的游戏希望分享我们经历的故事
给那些从未体验过的人,
08:13
with people who hadn't有没有
experienced有经验的 it before,
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因为我们在亲身经历之前
也从未想象过。
08:16
because we never could imagine想像
that world世界 until直到 it became成为 ours我们的.
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08:21
We made制作 a video视频 game游戏 that's hard to play.
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我们的游戏玩起来很难。
08:25
It will never be a blockbuster重磅炸弹.
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它永远不会成为畅销游戏。
人们玩之前需要做好投入情感的准备,
08:27
People have to prepare准备 themselves他们自己
to invest投资 emotionally感情上
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他们知道这个游戏将会让人心碎。
08:31
in a story故事 that they know
will break打破 their hearts心中.
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08:35
But when our hearts心中 break打破,
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但是当我们心碎了,
愈合之后的心会有些许的不同。
08:38
they heal愈合 a little differently不同.
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08:42
My broken破碎 heart has been healing复原
with a new and a deeper更深 compassion同情 --
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一种新的和深刻的热情
治愈了我的伤痛——
我乐于坐在经历痛苦的人们身边,
08:46
a desire欲望 to sit with people in their pain疼痛,
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倾听他们的故事,尽力帮助他们,
08:49
to hear their stories故事
and try to help tell them
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让他们知道自己并不孤独。
08:52
so that they know that they're seen看到.
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08:56
On the night when "That Dragon, Cancer癌症"
won韩元 the Game游戏 for Impact碰撞 Award,
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在“巨龙:癌症”赢得最具影响力
大奖的那个晚上,
我们举杯庆祝,
09:00
we cheered欢呼,
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我们笑着聊起Joel,
09:02
we smiled笑笑 and we talked about Joel乔尔
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以及他对我们的生活的影响——
09:05
and the impact碰撞 he had on our life --
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那些一起度过的艰难
又充满希望的夜晚,
09:07
on all of those hard and hopeful有希望 nights
that we shared共享 with him
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那些他改变了我们,
09:12
when he changed our hearts心中
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并且教会了我们那么多
爱与信念的人生哲理。
09:13
and taught us so much more
about life and love and faith信仰 and purpose目的.
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09:20
That award will never mean as much to me
as even a single photograph照片 of my son儿子,
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那个奖项对我的分量远不及
我孩子的一张照片,
09:27
but it does represent代表 all of the people
who his life has impacted影响,
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但是它代表了所有那些
生活被改变了的人,
那些我从未谋面的人。
09:31
people I'll never meet遇到.
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有时我会收到他们的邮件。
09:34
They write me emails电子邮件 sometimes有时.
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他们说他们想念Joel,
即使从未见过他。
09:36
They tell me that they miss小姐 Joel乔尔,
even though虽然 they never met会见 him.
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他们跟我讲述他们为我的孩子流泪了,
09:42
They describe描述 the tears眼泪
that they've他们已经 shed for my son儿子,
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当我听到这些,
我承受的悲伤会减轻一些,
09:47
and it makes品牌 my burden负担 of grief哀思
just a little bit lighter打火机
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当我知道一个10岁的孩子
通过youtube视频
09:51
knowing会心 that it's shared共享
with a 10-year-old-岁
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分享了这个故事,
09:53
watching观看 a YouTubeYouTube的 playthrough通关,
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或是一个医生在飞机上
用手机玩了这个游戏,
09:55
or a doctor医生 playing播放 on his airplane飞机
with a smartphone手机,
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又或者听到一位教授向他的
一年级的新生介绍了Joel。
10:00
or a professor教授 introducing引入 Joel乔尔
to her first-year第一年 philosophy哲学 students学生们.
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10:06
We made制作 a video视频 game游戏 that's hard to play.
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我们制作了一款很难玩的游戏。
10:11
But that feels感觉 just right to me,
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但是这正是我想要的,
因为我们生命中最艰难的时光
10:14
because the hardest最难 moments瞬间 of our lives生活
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改变了我们,让我们达到了
未有过的成就。
10:16
change更改 us more than any goal目标
we could ever accomplish完成.
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10:21
Tragedy悲剧 has shifted my heart
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悲剧改变了我的心扉,
让我从未想象过的梦得以成真。
10:24
more than any dream梦想
I could ever see come true真正.
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10:28
Thank you.
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谢谢。
(掌声)
10:29
(Applause掌声)
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Translated by Psycho Decoder

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Amy Green - Video game designer
Amy Green creates narrative video games that focus on innovative stories.

Why you should listen

Amy Green writes and designs video games for Numinous Games, whose first title, That Dragon, Cancer, was an intimate autobiography of the life and death of her son Joel Green. Along with her husband and a team of six other developers, she used a video game to artistically portray the surreal emotional landscape of raising a child with a terminal illness. In May 2017, the Peabody Media Center and the University of Georgia awarded That Dragon, Cancer a Peabody-Facebook Futures of Media Award for Best Video Game.

Green's current project, Untethered, is an episodic virtual reality mystery that allows the player to speak out loud to the characters within the game. These characters speak back to the player, including the player as an integral character in the quirky story that is being told in the game.

Green's work with Numinous Games has been recognized by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts, South by Southwest, Games for Change, the Independent Game Developers Association, the Game Awards and has been featured in press coverage by the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Wired Magazine, Popular Science, RadioLab, CBS Sunday Morning, the BBC and the Guardian.

More profile about the speaker
Amy Green | Speaker | TED.com