TEDWomen 2015
Lee Mokobe: A powerful poem about what it feels like to be transgender
Lee Mokobe: Moćna pjesma o tome kako je biti transrodna osoba
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"Bio sam zagonetka anatomije, pitanje bez odgovora", kaže pjesnik Lee Mokobe, TED Fellow, u ovom zanimljivom i poetskom istraživanju identiteta i prijelaza. Obazrivo je to razmišljanje o tijelima i značenjima koja su im pridodana.
Lee Mokobe - Poet
Lee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries. Full bio
Lee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
The first time I uttered a prayer
was in a glass-stained cathedral.
was in a glass-stained cathedral.
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Prvi put kada sam izustio molitvu
bio sam u katedrali mutnih stakala.
bio sam u katedrali mutnih stakala.
00:18
I was kneeling long after
the congregation was on its feet,
the congregation was on its feet,
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Klečao sam dugo nakon što je
kongregacija ustala,
kongregacija ustala,
00:21
dip both hands into holy water,
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obje sam ruke uronio u svetu vodu,
00:23
trace the trinity across my chest,
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napravio znak križa na prsima,
00:25
my tiny body drooping
like a question mark
like a question mark
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moje maleno tijelo klonulo
u obliku upitnika
u obliku upitnika
00:28
all over the wooden pew.
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preko cijele crkvene klupe.
00:30
I asked Jesus to fix me,
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Molio sam Isusa da me popravi,
00:33
and when he did not answer
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a kada mi nije odgovorio,
00:35
I befriended silence in the hopes
that my sin would burn
that my sin would burn
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prigrlio sam tišinu nadajući se da će moj
grijeh spaliti
grijeh spaliti
00:38
and salve my mouth
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i zaliječiti moja usta
00:39
would dissolve like sugar on tongue,
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i da će nestati kao šećer na jeziku,
00:41
but shame lingered as an aftertaste.
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ali sram je ostao u ustima.
00:43
And in an attempt
to reintroduce me to sanctity,
to reintroduce me to sanctity,
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U pokušaju da me
vrati svetosti,
vrati svetosti,
00:46
my mother told me of the miracle I was,
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majka mi je rekla da sam čudo,
00:49
said I could grow up
to be anything I want.
to be anything I want.
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da mogu biti što god želim.
00:52
I decided to
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Odlučio sam
00:55
be a boy.
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biti dječak.
00:56
It was cute.
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Bilo je to slatko.
00:57
I had snapback, toothless grin,
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Imao sam šiltericu, bezubi osmijeh,
00:59
used skinned knees as street cred,
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razderana koljena,
01:00
played hide and seek with
what was left of my goal.
what was left of my goal.
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igrao sam skrivača s onim
što mi je ostalo od cilja.
što mi je ostalo od cilja.
01:03
I was it.
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Bio sam to.
01:04
The winner to a game
the other kids couldn't play,
the other kids couldn't play,
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Pobjednik u igri koju druga
djeca nisu mogla igrati.
djeca nisu mogla igrati.
01:06
I was the mystery of an anatomy,
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Bio sam zagonetka anatomije,
01:08
a question asked but not answered,
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pitanje bez odgovora,
01:10
tightroping between awkward boy
and apologetic girl,
and apologetic girl,
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hodao na granici između neprijatnog dečka
i djevojke koja se opravdava,
i djevojke koja se opravdava,
01:14
and when I turned 12, the boy phase
wasn't deemed cute anymore.
wasn't deemed cute anymore.
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a kada sam navršio 12, dječačka faza
više nije viđena kao slatka.
više nije viđena kao slatka.
01:19
It was met with nostalgic aunts who missed
seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts,
seeing my knees in the shadow of skirts,
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Nostalgičnim su tetkama nedostajala
moja koljena u sjeni suknje,
moja koljena u sjeni suknje,
01:25
who reminded me that my kind of attitude
would never bring a husband home,
would never bring a husband home,
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podsjećale su da svojim ponašanjem
nikada neću pronaći muža,
nikada neću pronaći muža,
01:29
that I exist for heterosexual marriage
and child-bearing.
and child-bearing.
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da postojim za heteroseksualni brak
i rađanje djece.
i rađanje djece.
01:33
And I swallowed their insults
along with their slurs.
along with their slurs.
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Gutao sam njihove uvrede
zajedno s pogrdama.
zajedno s pogrdama.
01:36
Naturally, I did not
come out of the closet.
come out of the closet.
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Naravno, nisam sam
izašao iz ormara.
izašao iz ormara.
01:39
The kids at my school opened it
without my permission.
without my permission.
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Djeca iz moje škole su ga
otvorila bez dopuštenja.
otvorila bez dopuštenja.
01:42
Called me by a name I did not recognize,
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Nazivali su me imenom koje nisam prepoznao,
01:44
said "lesbian,"
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govorili "lezbijka",
01:46
but I was more boy than girl,
more Ken than Barbie.
more Ken than Barbie.
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ali više sam bio dečko nego cura,
više Ken nego Barbie.
više Ken nego Barbie.
01:48
It had nothing to do with hating my body,
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Nisam mrzio svoje tijelo,
01:50
I just love it enough to let it go,
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volio sam ga dovoljno da ga pustim,
01:53
I treat it like a house,
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tretirao sam ga kao kuću,
01:54
and when your house is falling apart,
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a kada vam se kuća raspada,
01:56
you do not evacuate,
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ne izlazite iz nje,
01:57
you make it comfortable enough
to house all your insides,
to house all your insides,
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učinite ju udobnom za
svoju unutrašnjost,
svoju unutrašnjost,
02:01
you make it pretty enough
to invite guests over,
to invite guests over,
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dovoljno ju uljepšate da
možete pozvati goste,
možete pozvati goste,
02:03
you make the floorboards
strong enough to stand on.
strong enough to stand on.
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pod napravite dovoljno čvrstim
da možete stajati na njemu.
da možete stajati na njemu.
02:07
My mother fears I have named
myself after fading things.
myself after fading things.
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Moja se majka brine da sam se
označio stvarima koje nestaju.
označio stvarima koje nestaju.
02:12
As she counts the echoes
left behind by Mya Hall,
left behind by Mya Hall,
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Dok broji odjeke koje su
za sobom ostavile Mya Hall,
za sobom ostavile Mya Hall,
02:15
Leelah Alcorn, Blake Brockington.
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Leelah Alcorn, Blake Brockington,
02:18
She fears that I'll die without a whisper,
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boji se da ću ja umrijeti bez glasa,
02:20
that I'll turn into "what a shame"
conversations at the bus stop.
conversations at the bus stop.
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da ću postati temom "koja šteta"
razgovora na stanicama.
razgovora na stanicama.
02:23
She claims I have turned myself
into a mausoleum,
into a mausoleum,
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Tvrdi da sam se
pretvorio u mauzolej,
pretvorio u mauzolej,
02:26
that I am a walking casket,
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da sam hodajući lijes,
02:28
news headlines have turned
my identity into a spectacle,
my identity into a spectacle,
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novinski su naslovi pretvorili
moj identitet u spektakl,
moj identitet u spektakl,
02:31
Bruce Jenner on everyone's lips
while the brutality of living in this body
while the brutality of living in this body
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svima su puna usta Brucea Jennera
dok brutalnost života u ovom tijelu
dok brutalnost života u ovom tijelu
02:34
becomes an asterisk
at the bottom of equality pages.
at the bottom of equality pages.
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postaje zvjezdica na dnu
stranica o jednakosti.
stranica o jednakosti.
02:38
No one ever thinks of us as human
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Nitko nas ne smatra ljudima
02:41
because we are more ghost than flesh,
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jer smo više duhovi nego meso,
02:43
because people fear that
my gender expression is a trick,
my gender expression is a trick,
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jer se ljudi boje da je moje
rodno izražavanje trik,
rodno izražavanje trik,
02:46
that it exists to be perverse,
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da postoji zbog nastranosti,
02:48
that it ensnares them
without their consent,
without their consent,
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da ih zarobljava bez
njihova pristanka,
njihova pristanka,
02:50
that my body is a feast
for their eyes and hands
for their eyes and hands
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da je moje tijelo gozba
za njihove oči i ruke
za njihove oči i ruke
02:53
and once they have fed off my queer,
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i jednom kada se zasite moje neobičnosti
02:55
they'll regurgitate all the parts
they did not like.
they did not like.
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povratit će sve dijelove
koji im se nisu svidjeli.
koji im se nisu svidjeli.
02:58
They'll put me back into the closet,
hang me with all the other skeletons.
hang me with all the other skeletons.
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Vratit će me u ormar,
objesiti pored ostalih kostura.
objesiti pored ostalih kostura.
03:02
I will be the best attraction.
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Bit ću najbolja atrakcija.
03:05
Can you see how easy it is
to talk people into coffins,
to talk people into coffins,
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Vidite li kako je lako
ljude smjestiti u lijesove,
ljude smjestiti u lijesove,
03:08
to misspell their names on gravestones.
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krivo napisati njihova imena na spomenike?
03:10
And people still wonder why
there are boys rotting,
there are boys rotting,
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A ljudi se još uvijek pitaju
zašto dječaci trunu,
zašto dječaci trunu,
03:13
they go away
in high school hallways
in high school hallways
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nestaju u srednjoškolskim hodnicima,
03:15
they are afraid of becoming another
hashtag in a second
hashtag in a second
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boje se da ne postanu još jedan hashtag,
03:18
afraid of classroom discussions
becoming like judgment day
becoming like judgment day
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boje se rasprava u učionicama koje
nalikuju sudnjem danu,
nalikuju sudnjem danu,
03:22
and now oncoming traffic is embracing
more transgender children than parents.
more transgender children than parents.
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a sadašnja trgovina ljudima bolje
prihvaća transrodnu djecu od roditelja.
prihvaća transrodnu djecu od roditelja.
03:29
I wonder how long it will be
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Pitam se kada će
03:30
before the trans suicide notes
start to feel redundant,
start to feel redundant,
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oproštajna pisma trans osoba
postati suvišna,
postati suvišna,
03:34
before we realize that our bodies
become lessons about sin
become lessons about sin
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kada ćemo shvatiti da nas tijela
uče o grijesima
uče o grijesima
03:38
way before we learn how to love them.
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puno prije nego ih naučimo voljeti.
03:40
Like God didn't save
all this breath and mercy,
all this breath and mercy,
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Kao da Bog nije spasio
sve udisaje i milosrđe,
sve udisaje i milosrđe,
03:44
like my blood is not the wine
that washed over Jesus' feet.
that washed over Jesus' feet.
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kao da moja krv nije vino
koje zapljuskuje Isusove noge.
koje zapljuskuje Isusove noge.
03:47
My prayers are now
getting stuck in my throat.
getting stuck in my throat.
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Molitve mi sada zapinju u grlu.
03:52
Maybe I am finally fixed,
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Možda sam konačno popravljen,
03:55
maybe I just don't care,
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možda me jednostavno nije briga,
03:57
maybe God finally listened to my prayers.
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možda je Bog konačno uslišio moje molitve.
04:02
Thank you.
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Hvala.
04:03
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lee Mokobe - PoetLee Mokobe is a 20-year-old South African slam poet and co-founder of Vocal Revolutionaries.
Why you should listen
The volunteer-run organization empowers youth in South Africa to fid their voice through poetry and art, offering free workshops, motivational talks, seasonal slams, national/local performances and mentoring. In his own poetry, Mokobe tackles tough social justice and LGBTQ issues. He has performed across three continents and was the youngest and first African coach at the Brave New Voices Festival, which he won in 2015.
Lee Mokobe | Speaker | TED.com