TED2018
Christina Wallace: How to stop swiping and find your person on dating apps
克莉絲汀娜華勒斯: 手指別再滑個不停：如何在約會軟體上找到對的人
Filmed:
Readability: 3.8
2,174,628 views
面對現實，線上約會可能會很爛。有好多可能的人選，浪費了好多時間——這真的值得嗎？播客兼企業家克莉絲汀娜華勒斯認為如果用對方式就值得。在這場有趣、實際的演說中，華勒斯分享她如何運用她的企管碩士技能來發明「第零次約會」法，擺脫要不斷滑動螢幕的軟體。你也能做到！
Christina Wallace - Entrepreneur, podcaster, storyteller
A self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology. Full bio
A self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
I first tried online dating
my freshman year of college,
my freshman year of college,
0
968
3398
我第一次嘗試網路約會，
在大學一年級的時候，
在大學一年級的時候，
00:16
which was in 2001,
in case you can't see my wrinkle.
in case you can't see my wrinkle.
1
4390
3292
萬一你們沒看到我的皺紋，
老實說，那是 2001年。
老實說，那是 2001年。
00:20
Now, as you may have noticed,
I'm six-feet tall,
I'm six-feet tall,
2
8436
2260
你們可能已經注意到，
我有 180 公分高，
我有 180 公分高，
00:22
and when I arrived at my chosen university
3
10700
2005
當我抵達我所選的大學，
00:24
and realized our men's Division III
basketball team averaged five-foot-eight,
basketball team averaged five-foot-eight,
4
12729
4316
並發現我們第三級別男子
籃球隊的平均身高才 170 公分，
籃球隊的平均身高才 170 公分，
00:29
I abandoned the on-campus
scene and went online.
scene and went online.
5
17069
3357
我就直接放棄
校園約會，轉而上網。
校園約會，轉而上網。
00:32
Now, back then, online dating
was pretty close to the plot
was pretty close to the plot
6
20450
2728
那時，網路約會就很像
電影《電子情書》裡的情節一樣。
00:35
of "You've Got Mail."
7
23202
1240
00:36
You'd write long emails
back and forth for weeks,
back and forth for weeks,
8
24466
3151
你要花數週的時間在電子郵件
往返上，信還要寫很長，
往返上，信還要寫很長，
00:39
before you finally met up in real life.
9
27641
1975
然後才會真正約見面。
00:41
Except, in my case,
you'd realize you have no chemistry
you'd realize you have no chemistry
10
29640
2739
我的例子的差別在於，
我發現我們不來電，
我發現我們不來電，
00:44
and so now, you're back to square one.
11
32403
2269
於是我又回到原點。
00:46
So, while online dating
has changed a lot in the last 17 years,
has changed a lot in the last 17 years,
12
34696
3381
雖然在過去十七年裡，
網路約會已經改變了很多，
網路約會已經改變了很多，
00:50
many of the frustrations remain the same.
13
38101
2733
許多的挫折仍然依舊。
00:53
Because here's what it does well.
14
41347
2206
因為，它能做得很好的地方是：
00:55
It broadens your pool of potential dates
15
43577
2452
它能擴展你可能的約會對象圈子，
00:58
beyond your existing social
and professional circles.
and professional circles.
16
46053
2952
超出你既有的社交圈和工作圈。
01:01
And here's what it doesn't do well.
17
49498
2476
但它也有做不好的地方：
01:03
Literally everything else.
18
51998
2301
所有其他的部分都是。
01:06
(Laughter)
19
54323
1984
（笑聲）
01:08
A few things you should know about me:
20
56331
2166
你們應該知道我的一些事：
01:10
I'm an action-oriented overachieving
math and theater nerd,
math and theater nerd,
21
58521
2858
我是行動派，是個表現
超預期的數學和戲劇怪胎，
超預期的數學和戲劇怪胎，
01:13
who ended up with an MBA.
22
61403
1674
最後還拿了企業管理碩士。
01:15
So, when things aren't working out,
I tend to take a step back,
I tend to take a step back,
23
63101
3151
所以當事情發展不順時，
我傾向會先退一步，
我傾向會先退一步，
01:18
apply my business toolkit
to figure out why, and to fix it.
to figure out why, and to fix it.
24
66276
3399
應用我的商業技能
來找出原因並解決它。
來找出原因並解決它。
01:22
My love life was no exception.
25
70014
2285
我的感情生活也不例外。
01:24
The summer before I turned 30,
I took myself on a relationship off-site.
I took myself on a relationship off-site.
26
72323
4444
在我即將滿三十歲的前一年夏天，
我給自己的感情關係放了個假，
我給自己的感情關係放了個假，
01:28
Which means I went camping solo
in Maine for a week,
in Maine for a week,
27
76791
2438
意思就是，我獨自
去緬因州露營了一週，
去緬因州露營了一週，
01:31
to do a retro on my track record
of mediocre relationships.
of mediocre relationships.
28
79253
3342
去回顧了我過往的平凡感情記錄。
01:35
Because the thing was,
I knew what I wanted in a partner.
I knew what I wanted in a partner.
29
83236
2905
重點是，我很清楚
我想要什麼樣的伴侶。
我想要什麼樣的伴侶。
01:38
Kindness, curiosity, empathy,
a sense of purpose.
a sense of purpose.
30
86165
4040
要善良、有好奇心、
有同理心，且知道目標。
有同理心，且知道目標。
01:42
And yet, here's what I chose for online:
31
90736
3071
但是，我在線上選擇的卻是：
01:45
Ivy League degree, six feet or taller,
32
93831
2817
常青藤大學學位、
身高 180 公分以上、
身高 180 公分以上、
01:48
lives within 12 subway stops of me.
33
96672
2040
住的地方距離我
不超過十二個地鐵站。
不超過十二個地鐵站。
01:51
It's not that I intentionally
prioritized those things,
prioritized those things,
34
99243
2767
並不是我故意
把那些項目排在優先，
把那些項目排在優先，
01:54
it's just the easiest to vet for online.
35
102034
3170
只是在網路上這樣最容易審查。
01:57
It kind of is like a résumé review,
36
105228
1770
它就類似在檢閱履歷，
01:59
which is why these guys
looked great on paper
looked great on paper
37
107022
2365
就是這為什麼這些人
書面上看來都這麼棒，
書面上看來都這麼棒，
02:01
and never quite fit me.
38
109411
1533
卻從來不適合我。
02:03
So when I went back online
in the spring of 2016,
in the spring of 2016,
39
111585
2436
所以，2016 年春季我再次上網時，
02:06
I decided to reengineer the process
through some classic business tools.
through some classic business tools.
40
114045
4461
我決定用一些經典的
商業工具來改革這個過程。
商業工具來改革這個過程。
02:10
First, I went to OkCupid,
41
118530
2015
首先，我到 OkCupid，
02:12
because I wanted to avoid
the gamification of swipe-based apps.
the gamification of swipe-based apps.
42
120569
3278
因為我不想用需要不停滑動
螢幕的軟體，那好像玩遊戲一樣。
螢幕的軟體，那好像玩遊戲一樣。
02:15
And also, because I wanted
a writing sample.
a writing sample.
43
123871
2571
另一個原因是因為
我想要一份撰寫範本。
我想要一份撰寫範本。
02:19
Next, I set up a sales funnel,
44
127022
2230
接著，我建立了一個銷售漏斗，
02:21
throwing out any sense of my type,
45
129276
2087
丟棄了我對於
夢想類型的所有觀念，
夢想類型的所有觀念，
02:23
and instead defining the criteria
that would qualify a lead.
that would qualify a lead.
46
131387
3809
改去定義出菁英的合格標準。
02:27
An inbound message had to do three things:
47
135220
2167
傳給我的訊息需要符合三項條件：
02:29
had to be written in complete sentences
and with good grammar;
and with good grammar;
48
137411
3166
要用完整句子和好的文法來撰寫；
02:32
it had to reference
something in my profile,
something in my profile,
49
140601
2077
必須要提及我個人
簡介中的某些內容，
簡介中的某些內容，
02:34
so I know it's not
a copy-and-paste situation;
a copy-and-paste situation;
50
142702
2304
我才能確定它不是
複製貼上的內容，
複製貼上的內容，
02:37
and it had to avoid all sexual content.
51
145030
2776
且不能有性相關的內容。
02:40
I figured this was a pretty low bar,
52
148157
1754
我認為這個門檻很低，
02:41
but it turns out,
of my 210 inbound messages,
of my 210 inbound messages,
53
149935
2499
但結果發現，在我
收到的 210 則訊息中，
收到的 210 則訊息中，
02:44
only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.
54
152458
2389
只有 14％ 的人過關。
02:46
(Laughter)
55
154871
1166
（笑聲）
02:48
Next, I wanted to meet in real life
as quickly as possible,
as quickly as possible,
56
156061
3246
接著，我想盡快與本人真正見面，
02:51
because the things I cared about,
I couldn't see online.
I couldn't see online.
57
159331
2992
因為在網路上我看不出
那些我在意的點。
那些我在意的點。
02:54
But the research, and my experience,
58
162347
1762
但研究及我自身的經驗都顯示出
02:56
shows you only need about 30 seconds
with someone to tell if you click.
with someone to tell if you click.
59
164133
3981
你跟一個人相處三十秒，
就能知道彼此是否合得來。
就能知道彼此是否合得來。
03:00
So I invented the zero date.
60
168581
2142
所以，我發明了「第零次約會」。
03:03
The zero date is one drink, one hour.
61
171391
2341
第零次約會就是
一杯飲料、一個小時。
一杯飲料、一個小時。
03:05
With the goal of answering one question:
62
173756
2932
目的就只要回答一個問題：
03:08
Would I like to have
dinner with this person?
dinner with this person?
63
176712
2437
「我想和這個人共進晚餐嗎？」
而非 「他是我的真命天子嗎？」
而非 「他是我的真命天子嗎？」
03:11
Not "are they the one"?
64
179173
1380
03:12
Literally, "Would I like to spend
three hours across the table
three hours across the table
65
180577
3396
真的只是「我想和這個人面對面
坐下來相處三小時嗎？」
03:15
from this person?"
66
183997
1150
03:18
You tell them you have a hard stop --
67
186030
1769
你告訴對方，你後面
緊接著有其他行程——
緊接著有其他行程——
03:19
drinks with girlfriends,
a conference call with China --
a conference call with China --
68
187823
2643
和女性朋友有約，
和中國有視訊會議——無所謂，
和中國有視訊會議——無所謂，
03:22
it doesn't matter, they don't know you.
69
190490
1873
他們也不了解你。重點是一小時。
03:24
The point is one hour.
70
192387
1466
03:26
If it's awesome,
you schedule a first date.
you schedule a first date.
71
194466
2659
如果相處很棒，
就來安排第一次約會。
就來安排第一次約會。
03:29
And if it's not awesome,
you downshift into entertainer mode
you downshift into entertainer mode
72
197149
3142
如果不怎麼好，
就切換到低速的娛樂模式檔，
就切換到低速的娛樂模式檔，
03:32
and you workshop a few new stories
for your next networking event.
for your next networking event.
73
200315
3159
為下一個網路約會準備幾個新故事。
03:35
Plus, because it's just an hour,
you can squeeze up to three in one evening
you can squeeze up to three in one evening
74
203823
3540
此外，因為只有一小時，
你可以在一個晚上約三場。
你可以在一個晚上約三場。
03:39
and then you only have to do your hair
and pick out one great outfit a week.
and pick out one great outfit a week.
75
207387
3912
你一週只要做好髮型
選好衣服一次即可。
選好衣服一次即可。
03:43
The zero date also gave me a chance
to see how they responded
to see how they responded
76
211323
2897
第零次約會也讓我有機會看到，
當我提出要約出去時，
對方會有什麼反應。
對方會有什麼反應。
03:46
to me asking them out.
77
214244
1666
03:47
I figured not everyone
would dig my moxie, and I was right.
would dig my moxie, and I was right.
78
215934
3222
我想不會每個人都喜歡
我的大膽，結果的確如此。
我的大膽，結果的確如此。
03:51
Of my 29 qualified leads,
only 15 replied to my message,
only 15 replied to my message,
79
219553
3524
符合我條件的 29 個人中，
只有 15 個人回了我的訊息，
只有 15 個人回了我的訊息，
03:55
and of those, six scheduled a zero date.
80
223101
2667
這 15 個人中，只有 6 人
和我安排了第零次約會。
和我安排了第零次約會。
03:58
My first zero date
was with a set designer.
was with a set designer.
81
226300
2015
我的首位第零次約會對象，
是也喜歡瑜伽的場景設計師。
是也喜歡瑜伽的場景設計師。
04:00
And we were both into yoga
82
228339
1254
04:01
and preferred our bagels
with peanut butter,
with peanut butter,
83
229617
2051
也同樣喜歡花生醬貝果，
看起來挺有希望的。
看起來挺有希望的。
04:03
so it looked pretty promising.
84
231692
1460
但兩分鐘後，
我知道不會有戲唱了，
我知道不會有戲唱了，
04:05
But two minutes in, I could tell
it wasn't going to be a thing
it wasn't going to be a thing
85
233176
2920
而不用跟他吃晚餐，
也讓我鬆了一口氣。
也讓我鬆了一口氣。
04:08
and I was relieved not to be
spending dinner with him.
spending dinner with him.
86
236120
2548
04:10
After that, I was a little nervous
about going to my next zero date.
about going to my next zero date.
87
238692
3345
那之後，我對下一個
第零次約會感到有點緊張。
第零次約會感到有點緊張。
04:14
But we had agreed to meet
on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade
on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade
88
242061
2809
但我們已經約好
在布魯克林高地步道見面，
在布魯克林高地步道見面，
帶上一瓶威士忌，欣賞日落，
04:16
with a flask of whiskey
to watch the sunset,
to watch the sunset,
89
244894
2064
老實說，那裡離
我的公寓只有兩個街區。
我的公寓只有兩個街區。
04:18
and honestly, it was two blocks
from my apartment.
from my apartment.
90
246982
2420
04:21
Plus, this guy had a podcast,
I have a podcast,
I have a podcast,
91
249426
2905
此外，他有一個播客節目，
我有一個播客節目，
我有一個播客節目，
04:24
worst case scenario,
we can talk about our podcasts.
we can talk about our podcasts.
92
252355
2952
最糟糕的情况就是
我們閒聊我們的播客節目。
我們閒聊我們的播客節目。
04:27
Then, Chas set down next to me.
93
255331
2883
接著，查斯在我旁邊坐下。
04:30
And this kind and empathetic man
94
258688
1978
這個善良、有同理心的男人，
04:32
told great jokes
and asked even better questions.
and asked even better questions.
95
260690
3077
講的笑話很棒，問的問題更棒。
04:36
He was a lawyer and a writer,
and his eyes twinkled when he laughed
and his eyes twinkled when he laughed
96
264355
3639
他是律師兼作家，
笑的時候眼睛閃閃發光，
04:40
and they squeezed tight when I kissed him
97
268018
2008
我親他的時候，他緊緊閉上雙眼，
04:42
and at some point in the evening,
our zero date became a first date.
our zero date became a first date.
98
270050
3428
在那晚的某一刻，我們的第零次約會
成了我們的第一次約會。兩年後，
04:45
And two years later, we have a washer,
dryer and two house plants together.
dryer and two house plants together.
99
273502
4071
我們共同擁有了洗衣機、烘乾機，
和兩盆室內盆栽。
和兩盆室內盆栽。
04:50
Now, I can't promise
you're going to end up with house plants.
you're going to end up with house plants.
100
278064
3317
我無法保證你們最後
也會有室內盆栽。
也會有室內盆栽。
04:53
But the point of this story
101
281405
1725
但這個故事的重點是，
04:55
is that online dating
doesn't have to suck.
doesn't have to suck.
102
283154
2711
網路約會不一定會很爛。
04:57
Don't treat it like a game,
and don't treat it like a resume review.
and don't treat it like a resume review.
103
285889
3523
不要把它當作一種遊戲，
也不要把它當作檢閱履歷。
也不要把它當作檢閱履歷。
05:01
Instead, use it to source
and qualify leads
and qualify leads
104
289436
2793
反之，把它當作
蒐集合格人選的來源，
蒐集合格人選的來源，
05:04
and then get offline as quickly
as possible with the zero date.
as possible with the zero date.
105
292253
3457
然後盡快進行
現實中的第零次約會。
現實中的第零次約會。
05:08
Because the point of this isn't swiping.
106
296380
2659
因為網路約會的重點
不是滑動手機螢幕，
不是滑動手機螢幕，
05:11
It's finding your person.
107
299063
1634
而是找到適合你的人。
05:13
Good luck.
108
301444
1151
祝好運。
05:14
(Applause)
109
302619
3566
（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Christina Wallace - Entrepreneur, podcaster, storytellerA self-described "human Venn diagram," Christina Wallace has crafted a career at the intersection of business, the arts and technology.
Why you should listen
Christina Wallace is currently the VP of Growth at Bionic, co-host of The Limit Does Not Exist podcast and co-author of upcoming business book New-to-Big, which will be published by Currency (Penguin Random House) in Spring 2019.
Wallace previously founded fashion company Quincy and ed-tech startup BridgeUp: STEM inside the American Museum of Natural History, and she opened the New York office for Startup Institute. Mashable named her one of "44 Female Founders to Know" and Refinery29 declared her one of the "Most Powerful Women in NYC Tech."
In her free time, Wallace sings in a community choir, climbs mountains, runs half (and some full) marathons and volunteers for progressive political causes. She lives with her fiancé and their two houseplants in Brooklyn, New York.
Watch Wallace's TEDxSanAntonio 2016 talk here.
Christina Wallace | Speaker | TED.com