ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Roxane Gay - Writer
In "Bad Feminist," her 2014 book of essays, Roxane Gay laid out a wise, funny and deeply empathetic vision of modern feminism, acceptance and identity -- flaws and all.

Why you should listen
Roxane Gay is a novelist and essayist whose online essays you've probably had forwarded to you by someone you adore. Collected in the 2014 book Bad Feminist, they posit a world where (gasp!) we can actually talk honestly about searching for identity, being less than perfect, and thinking hard on privilege and acceptance. Kira Cochrane in The Guardian puts it correctly: "In print, on Twitter and in person, Gay has the voice of the friend you call first for advice, calm and sane as well as funny, someone who has seen a lot and takes no prisoners."
More profile about the speaker
Roxane Gay | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2015

Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist

Filmed:
1,781,161 views

When writer Roxane Gay dubbed herself a "bad feminist," she was making a joke, acknowledging that she couldn't possibly live up to the demands for perfection of the feminist movement. But she's realized that the joke rang hollow. In a thoughtful and provocative talk, she asks us to embrace all flavors of feminism -- and make the small choices that, en masse, might lead to actual change.
- Writer
In "Bad Feminist," her 2014 book of essays, Roxane Gay laid out a wise, funny and deeply empathetic vision of modern feminism, acceptance and identity -- flaws and all. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:13
I am failing as a woman,
0
1008
1800
00:14
I am failing as a feminist.
1
2832
2295
00:17
I have passionate opinions
about gender equality,
2
5452
2777
00:20
but I worry that to freely accept
the label of "feminist,"
3
8229
4061
00:24
would not be fair to good feminists.
4
12314
2299
00:27
I'm a feminist, but I'm a rather bad one.
5
15184
2373
00:29
Oh, so I call myself a Bad Feminist.
6
17581
2864
00:32
Or at least, I wrote an essay,
7
20469
2333
00:34
and then I wrote a book
called "Bad Feminist,"
8
22826
2175
00:37
and then in interviews, people started
calling me The Bad Feminist.
9
25025
3436
00:40
(Laughter)
10
28485
1166
00:41
So, what started as a bit
of an inside joke with myself
11
29675
4037
00:45
and a willful provocation,
12
33736
1681
00:47
has become a thing.
13
35441
1650
00:49
Let me take a step back.
14
37996
1460
00:52
When I was younger,
15
40076
1236
00:53
mostly in my teens and 20s,
16
41336
1913
00:55
I had strange ideas about feminists
17
43273
2405
00:57
as hairy, angry, man-hating,
sex-hating women --
18
45702
3776
01:01
as if those are bad things.
19
49502
1579
01:03
(Laughter)
20
51105
2729
01:06
These days, I look at how
women are treated the world over,
21
54978
3438
01:10
and anger, in particular, seems
like a perfectly reasonable response.
22
58440
4286
01:14
But back then,
23
62750
1745
01:16
I worried about the tone people used
24
64519
1803
01:18
when suggesting I might be a feminist.
25
66322
3000
01:21
The feminist label was an accusation,
26
69322
2558
01:23
it was an "F" word, and not a nice one.
27
71904
2389
01:26
I was labeled a woman
who doesn't play by the rules,
28
74762
2896
01:29
who expects too much,
29
77682
1621
01:31
who thinks far too highly of myself,
30
79327
1993
01:33
by daring to believe I'm equal --
(Coughs) -- superior to a man.
31
81344
4114
01:38
You don't want to be that rebel woman,
32
86040
1845
01:39
until you realize that you
very much are that woman,
33
87909
2485
01:42
and cannot imagine being anyone else.
34
90418
2497
01:45
As I got older, I began to accept
35
93344
2020
01:47
that I am, indeed, a feminist,
and a proud one.
36
95388
3333
01:50
I hold certain truths to be self-evident:
37
98745
2794
01:53
Women are equal to men.
38
101563
2452
01:56
We deserve equal pay for equal work.
39
104039
2781
01:58
We have the right to move
through the world as we choose,
40
106844
2984
02:01
free from harassment or violence.
41
109852
1967
02:04
We have the right to easy,
affordable access to birth control,
42
112233
3554
02:07
and reproductive services.
43
115811
1897
02:09
We have the right to make choices
about our bodies,
44
117732
2571
02:12
free from legislative oversight
or evangelical doctrine.
45
120327
4153
02:16
We have the right to respect.
46
124504
1484
02:18
There's more.
47
126679
1206
02:19
When we talk about the needs of women,
48
127909
2215
02:22
we have to consider
the other identities we inhabit.
49
130148
3405
02:25
We are not just women.
50
133577
1457
02:27
We are people with different bodies,
51
135518
1847
02:29
gender expressions, faiths, sexualities,
52
137389
3015
02:32
class backgrounds, abilities,
and so much more.
53
140428
2891
02:35
We need to take into account
54
143708
1397
02:37
these differences and how they affect us,
55
145129
2436
02:39
as much as we account for
what we have in common.
56
147589
2702
02:42
Without this kind of inclusion,
our feminism is nothing.
57
150680
3619
02:47
I hold these truths to be self-evident,
but let me be clear:
58
155220
3651
02:50
I'm a mess.
59
158895
1137
02:52
I am full of contradictions.
60
160056
2257
02:54
There are many ways in which
I'm doing feminism wrong.
61
162337
2920
02:57
I have another confession.
62
165876
1516
02:59
When I drive to work, I listen
to thuggish rap at a very loud volume.
63
167416
4336
03:03
(Laughter)
64
171776
1507
03:05
Even though the lyrics
are degrading to women --
65
173307
2329
03:07
these lyrics offend me to my core --
66
175660
2795
03:10
the classic Yin Yang Twins
song "Salt Shaker" --
67
178479
3000
03:13
it is amazing.
68
181503
1452
03:14
(Laughter)
69
182979
2466
03:17
"Make it work with your wet t-shirt.
70
185469
2928
03:20
Bitch, you gotta shake it
'til your camel starts to hurt!"
71
188421
3760
03:24
(Laughter)
72
192205
1158
03:25
Think about it.
73
193387
1025
03:26
(Laughter)
74
194436
2888
03:29
Poetry, right?
75
197348
1318
03:30
I am utterly mortified
by my music choices.
76
198690
3660
03:34
(Laughter)
77
202374
1912
03:36
I firmly believe in man work,
78
204310
2284
03:38
which is anything I don't
want to do, including --
79
206618
2409
03:41
(Laughter) --
80
209051
1881
03:42
all domestic tasks,
81
210956
2154
03:45
but also: bug killing, trash removal,
lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
82
213134
4309
03:50
I want no part of any of that.
83
218014
1867
03:51
(Laughter)
84
219905
1073
03:53
Pink is my favorite color.
85
221002
1897
03:54
I enjoy fashion magazines
and pretty things.
86
222923
3028
03:57
I watch "The Bachelor"
and romantic comedies,
87
225975
2303
04:00
and I have absurd fantasies
about fairy tales coming true.
88
228302
3107
04:04
Some of my transgressions
are more flagrant.
89
232121
2324
04:06
If a woman wants to take
her husband's name,
90
234914
2366
04:09
that is her choice, and it is not
my place to judge.
91
237304
2688
04:12
If a woman chooses to stay home
to raise her children,
92
240622
2976
04:15
I embrace that choice, too.
93
243622
2091
04:17
The problem is not that she makes herself
economically vulnerable in that choice;
94
245737
4071
04:21
the problem is that our society is set up
95
249832
2170
04:24
to make women economically vulnerable
when they choose.
96
252002
2980
04:26
Let's deal with that.
97
254982
1650
04:29
(Applause)
98
257601
3378
04:35
I reject the mainstream feminism
99
263413
2071
04:37
that has historically ignored
or deflected the needs
100
265508
2627
04:40
of women of color, working-class women,
queer women and transgender women,
101
268159
4388
04:44
in favor of supporting white, middle-
and upper-class straight women.
102
272571
3373
04:47
Listen, if that's good feminism --
I am a very bad feminist.
103
275968
3656
04:51
(Laughter)
104
279648
1090
04:52
There is also this:
105
280762
1452
04:54
As a feminist, I feel a lot of pressure.
106
282238
2722
04:56
We have this tendency to put
visible feminists on a pedestal.
107
284984
3669
05:00
We expect them to pose perfectly.
108
288677
2063
05:03
When they disappoint us,
109
291287
1160
05:04
we gleefully knock them
from the very pedestal we put them on.
110
292471
3462
05:07
Like I said, I am a mess --
111
295957
2035
05:10
consider me knocked off that pedestal
112
298016
1830
05:11
before you ever try to put me up there.
113
299846
2021
05:13
(Laughter)
114
301867
1068
05:15
Too many women,
115
303374
1060
05:16
particularly groundbreaking women
and industry leaders,
116
304458
3025
05:19
are afraid to be labeled as feminists.
117
307507
2338
05:21
They're afraid to stand up and say,
"Yes, I am a feminist,"
118
309869
3706
05:25
for fear of what that label means,
119
313599
2245
05:27
for fear of being unable to live up to
unrealistic expectations.
120
315868
3868
05:32
Take, for example, Beyoncé,
or as I call her, The Goddess.
121
320569
3772
05:36
(Laughter)
122
324365
1936
05:38
She has emerged, in recent years,
as a visible feminist.
123
326325
3432
05:41
At the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards,
124
329781
2817
05:44
she performed in front of the word
"feminist" 10 feet high.
125
332622
3766
05:48
It was a glorious spectacle to see
126
336412
2231
05:50
this pop star openly embracing feminism
127
338643
3000
05:53
and letting young women and men know
128
341643
1729
05:55
that being a feminist
is something to celebrate.
129
343396
3103
05:58
As the moment faded, cultural critics
began endlessly debating
130
346985
3659
06:02
whether or not Beyoncé was,
indeed, a feminist.
131
350668
2660
06:05
They graded her feminism,
132
353693
1881
06:07
instead of simply taking a grown,
accomplished woman at her word.
133
355598
4268
06:11
(Laughter)
134
359890
2638
06:14
(Applause)
135
362552
2674
06:17
We demand perfection from feminists,
136
365250
2517
06:19
because we are still fighting for so much,
137
367791
2357
06:22
we want so much,
138
370172
1297
06:23
we need so damn much.
139
371493
1533
06:25
We go far beyond reasonable,
constructive criticism,
140
373395
3180
06:28
to dissecting any given woman's feminism,
141
376599
2749
06:31
tearing it apart
until there's nothing left.
142
379372
2381
06:34
We do not need to do that.
143
382253
1389
06:36
Bad feminism -- or really, more inclusive
feminism -- is a starting point.
144
384452
4107
06:40
But what happens next?
145
388583
1453
06:42
We go from acknowledging
our imperfections to accountability,
146
390592
3482
06:46
or walking the walk,
and being a little bit brave.
147
394098
3102
06:49
If I listen to degrading music,
148
397888
2304
06:52
I am creating a demand for which
artists are more than happy
149
400216
3526
06:55
to contribute a limitless supply.
150
403742
1934
06:58
These artists are not going to change
151
406120
1880
07:00
how they talk about women in their songs
152
408000
1955
07:01
until we demand that change
by affecting their bottom line.
153
409955
3661
07:05
Certainly, it is difficult.
154
413998
2127
07:08
Why must it be so catchy?
155
416149
1975
07:10
(Laughter)
156
418561
2756
07:14
It's hard to make the better choice,
157
422291
2029
07:16
and it is so easy to justify a lesser one.
158
424344
2796
07:19
But --
159
427164
1038
07:20
when I justify bad choices,
160
428226
1755
07:22
I make it harder for women
to achieve equality,
161
430005
2919
07:24
the equality that we all deserve,
162
432948
1864
07:26
and I need to own that.
163
434836
1317
07:28
I think of my nieces, ages three and four.
164
436533
3269
07:31
They are gorgeous
and headstrong, brilliant girls,
165
439826
2439
07:34
who are a whole lot of brave.
166
442289
1574
07:36
I want them to thrive in a world
where they are valued
167
444284
2917
07:39
for the powerful creatures they are.
168
447225
2328
07:41
I think of them,
169
449577
1055
07:42
and suddenly, the better choice
becomes far easier to make.
170
450656
3659
07:46
We can all make better choices.
171
454775
2090
07:49
We can change the channel
when a television show
172
457333
2497
07:51
treats sexual violence
against women like sport,
173
459830
2694
07:54
Game of Thrones.
174
462548
1428
07:56
We can change the radio station
175
464000
1810
07:57
when we hear songs
that treat women as nothing.
176
465834
3205
08:01
We can spend our
box office dollars elsewhere
177
469063
2683
08:03
when movies don't treat women
178
471770
1550
08:05
as anything more than decorative objects.
179
473320
2423
08:07
We can stop supporting professional sports
180
475743
2241
08:10
where the athletes treat
their partners like punching bags.
181
478008
3250
08:14
(Applause)
182
482171
3478
08:19
In other ways, men --
and especially straight white men --
183
487595
2947
08:22
can say, "No, I will not publish
with your magazine,
184
490566
3087
08:25
or participate in your project,
or otherwise work with you,
185
493677
3286
08:28
until you include a fair number of women,
186
496987
2397
08:31
both as participants and decision makers.
187
499408
2547
08:34
I won't work with you
until your publication,
188
502670
2127
08:36
or your organization, is more inclusive
of all kinds of difference."
189
504821
3761
08:41
Those of us who are underrepresented
190
509225
2293
08:43
and invited to participate
in such projects,
191
511542
2169
08:45
can also decline to be included
192
513735
2369
08:48
until more of us are invited
through the glass ceiling,
193
516128
3003
08:51
and we are tokens no more.
194
519155
1952
08:53
Without these efforts,
195
521553
1674
08:55
without taking these stands,
196
523251
1802
08:57
our accomplishments
are going to mean very little.
197
525077
2582
09:00
We can commit these small acts of bravery
198
528365
2613
09:03
and hope that our choices trickle
upward to the people in power --
199
531002
3903
09:06
editors, movie and music producers,
200
534929
2611
09:09
CEOs, lawmakers --
201
537564
2373
09:11
the people who can make
bigger, braver choices
202
539961
2213
09:14
to create lasting, meaningful change.
203
542198
2781
09:17
We can also boldly claim our feminism --
204
545678
2523
09:20
good, bad, or anywhere in between.
205
548225
2365
09:23
The last line of my book
"Bad Feminist" says,
206
551329
2452
09:25
"I would rather be a bad feminist
than no feminist at all."
207
553805
3919
09:30
This is true for so many reasons,
208
558240
2040
09:32
but first and foremost, I say this
because once upon a time,
209
560304
3560
09:35
my voice was stolen from me,
210
563888
1829
09:37
and feminism helped me
to get my voice back.
211
565741
2925
09:41
There was an incident.
212
569455
1150
09:42
I call it an incident so I can carry
the burden of what happened.
213
570915
3420
09:46
Some boys broke me,
214
574724
1412
09:48
when I was so young, I did not know
215
576136
1814
09:49
what boys can do to break a girl.
216
577950
2450
09:52
They treated me like I was nothing.
217
580400
2142
09:54
I began to believe I was nothing.
218
582566
2474
09:57
They stole my voice, and in the after,
219
585064
2039
09:59
I did not dare to believe
220
587127
1357
10:00
that anything I might say could matter.
221
588508
2416
10:02
But --
222
590948
1009
10:03
I had writing.
223
591981
1372
10:05
And there, I wrote myself back together.
224
593377
2436
10:08
I wrote myself toward a stronger
version of myself.
225
596242
3014
10:11
I read the words of women
226
599653
1351
10:13
who might understand a story like mine,
227
601028
2332
10:15
and women who looked like me,
228
603384
1771
10:17
and understood what it was like to move
through the world with brown skin.
229
605179
4100
10:21
I read the words of women
who showed me I was not nothing.
230
609303
4275
10:25
I learned to write like them,
231
613602
1682
10:27
and then I learned to write as myself.
232
615308
2182
10:29
I found my voice again,
233
617856
1144
10:31
and I started to believe that my voice
is powerful beyond measure.
234
619024
4056
10:36
Through writing and feminism,
235
624048
1538
10:37
I also found that if I was
a little bit brave,
236
625610
2754
10:40
another woman might hear me
and see me and recognize
237
628388
3601
10:44
that none of us are the nothing
the world tries to tell us we are.
238
632013
3591
10:48
In one hand,
239
636160
1508
10:49
I hold the power to accomplish anything.
240
637692
3024
10:52
And in my other,
241
640740
1001
10:53
I hold the humbling reality
that I am just one woman.
242
641765
3684
10:57
I am a bad feminist,
243
645918
1679
10:59
I am a good woman,
244
647621
1642
11:01
I am trying to become better
in how I think,
245
649287
2375
11:03
and what I say, and what I do,
246
651686
2260
11:05
without abandoning everything
that makes me human.
247
653970
2785
11:09
I hope that we can all do the same.
248
657152
2524
11:11
I hope that we can all be
a little bit brave,
249
659700
2243
11:13
when we most need such bravery.
250
661967
2087
11:16
(Applause)
251
664856
2681

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Roxane Gay - Writer
In "Bad Feminist," her 2014 book of essays, Roxane Gay laid out a wise, funny and deeply empathetic vision of modern feminism, acceptance and identity -- flaws and all.

Why you should listen
Roxane Gay is a novelist and essayist whose online essays you've probably had forwarded to you by someone you adore. Collected in the 2014 book Bad Feminist, they posit a world where (gasp!) we can actually talk honestly about searching for identity, being less than perfect, and thinking hard on privilege and acceptance. Kira Cochrane in The Guardian puts it correctly: "In print, on Twitter and in person, Gay has the voice of the friend you call first for advice, calm and sane as well as funny, someone who has seen a lot and takes no prisoners."
More profile about the speaker
Roxane Gay | Speaker | TED.com