TEDWomen 2016
Peggy Orenstein: What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure
Peggy Orenstein: Kaj mlade ženske verjamejo o svojem seksualnem užitku
Filmed:
Readability: 4.7
3,668,105 views
Zakaj se dekleta čutijo dovolj močna, da se vključujejo v spolne aktivnosti, a v njih ne uživajp? Pisateljica Peggy Orenstein je tri leta spraševala dekleta, stara od 15 do 20 let, o njihovem odnosu do spolnosti in njihovih izkušnjah z njo. Razlaga o užitku, ki večinoma manjka v njihovih seksualnih izkušnjah, in nas poziva, da prekinemu tabu orgazma tako, da z našimi dekleti že od zgodnje mladosti odkrito govorimo o spolnosti, telesu, užitku in intimnosti,
Peggy Orenstein - Journalist, author
In her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women. Full bio
In her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
For several years now,
0
960
1416
Že nekaj let
00:14
we've been engaged in a national debate
about sexual assault on campus.
about sexual assault on campus.
1
2400
4120
na nacionalni ravni govorimo o
spolnem nasilju v univerzitetnih naseljih.
spolnem nasilju v univerzitetnih naseljih.
00:19
No question --
2
7160
1216
Nedvomno
00:20
it's crucial that young people
understand the ground rules for consent,
understand the ground rules for consent,
3
8400
4200
je nujno potrebno, da mladi
razumejo osnovno pravilo privolitve.
razumejo osnovno pravilo privolitve.
00:25
but that's where the conversation
about sex is ending.
about sex is ending.
4
13360
3000
A tu se pogovor o spolnosti konča.
00:29
And in that vacuum of information
5
17040
2056
In v tem vakuumu informacij
00:31
the media and the Internet --
6
19120
1976
mediji in internet,
00:33
that new digital street corner --
7
21120
1736
ta novi digitalni cestni vogal,
00:34
are educating our kids for us.
8
22880
2280
namesto nas učijo naše otroke.
00:38
If we truly want young people
to engage safely, ethically,
to engage safely, ethically,
9
26200
5136
Če resnično želimo, da se
mladi družijo varno, etično
mladi družijo varno, etično
00:43
and yes, enjoyably,
10
31360
2696
in, da, prijetno,
00:46
it's time to have open honest discussion
about what happens after "yes,"
about what happens after "yes,"
11
34080
5760
je čas za odprto diskusijo
o tem, kaj se zgodi po besedi 'da'.
o tem, kaj se zgodi po besedi 'da'.
00:52
and that includes breaking
the biggest taboo of all
the biggest taboo of all
12
40680
3176
To vključuje prekršitev največjega tabuja
00:55
and talking to young people
13
43880
1736
in pogovor z mladimi
00:57
about women's capacity for
and entitlement to sexual pleasure.
and entitlement to sexual pleasure.
14
45640
4400
o zmožnosti in pravici
žensk do spolnega ugodja.
žensk do spolnega ugodja.
01:03
Yeah.
15
51440
1216
Ja.
01:04
(Applause)
16
52680
1016
(aplavz)
01:05
Come on, ladies.
17
53720
1216
Dajte, no, dame.
01:06
(Applause)
18
54960
1896
(aplavz)
01:08
I spent three years
talking to girls ages 15 to 20
talking to girls ages 15 to 20
19
56880
3816
Tri leta sem se pogovarjala z dekleti,
starimi od 15 do 20 let,
starimi od 15 do 20 let,
01:12
about their attitudes
and experience of sex.
and experience of sex.
20
60720
2936
o njihovem odnosu
in izkušnjah s spolnostjo.
in izkušnjah s spolnostjo.
01:15
And what I found was
21
63680
1416
In odkrila sem,
01:17
that while young women may feel
entitled to engage in sexual behavior,
entitled to engage in sexual behavior,
22
65120
4296
da mlade ženske morda čutijo,
da se imajo pravico zaplesti v spolnost,
da se imajo pravico zaplesti v spolnost,
01:21
they don't necessarily
feel entitled to enjoy it.
feel entitled to enjoy it.
23
69440
3080
ne čutijo pa nujno, da so
upravičene do užitka.
upravičene do užitka.
01:25
Take this sophomore
at the Ivy League college
at the Ivy League college
24
73240
2136
Študentka drugega letnika
na prestižni univerzi
na prestižni univerzi
01:27
who told me,
25
75400
1216
mi je povedala:
01:28
"I come from a long line
of smart, strong women.
of smart, strong women.
26
76640
3256
"Prihajam iz družine pametnih,
močnih žensk.
močnih žensk.
01:31
My grandmother was a firecracker,
27
79920
2216
Moja stara mama je bila drzna
in svojeglava,
in svojeglava,
01:34
my mom is a professional,
28
82160
1856
moja mama je intelektualka,
01:36
my sister and I are loud,
and that's our form of feminine power."
and that's our form of feminine power."
29
84040
3360
moja sestra in jaz sva glasni
in to je najina oblika ženske moči."
in to je najina oblika ženske moči."
01:40
She then proceeded
to describe her sex life to me:
to describe her sex life to me:
30
88360
2696
Nato je nadaljevala in mi
opisala svoje spolno življenje,
opisala svoje spolno življenje,
01:43
a series of one-off hookups,
31
91080
2056
serijo avantur za eno noč,
01:45
starting when she was 13,
32
93160
1736
ki so se začele, ko je imela 13 let,
01:46
that were ...
33
94920
1456
in ki niso bile
01:48
not especially responsible,
34
96400
2096
posebej odgovorne
01:50
not especially reciprocal
35
98520
2136
niti posebej vzajemne
01:52
and not especially enjoyable.
36
100680
1480
niti niso dale veliko užitka.
01:55
She shrugged.
37
103080
1616
Skomignila je z rameni.
01:56
"I guess we girls are just socialized
to be these docile creatures
to be these docile creatures
38
104720
3616
"Dekleta smo verjetno vzgojena tako,
da postanemo ta krotka bitja,
da postanemo ta krotka bitja,
02:00
who don't express our wants or needs."
39
108360
2240
ki ne izražajo svojih želja ali potreb."
02:03
"Wait a minute," I replied.
40
111560
1576
"Samo trenutek," sem rekla.
02:05
"Didn't you just tell me
what a smart, strong woman you are?"
what a smart, strong woman you are?"
41
113160
3080
"Ali mi nisi pravkar povedala,
da si pametna, močna ženska?"
da si pametna, močna ženska?"
02:09
She hemmed and hawed.
42
117000
1400
Hmknila je.
02:11
"I guess," she finally said,
43
119040
1856
"Verjetno," je nazadnje rekla,
02:12
"no one told me that that smart,
strong image applies to sex."
strong image applies to sex."
44
120920
3520
"mi nihče ni povedal, da se
pamet in moč nanaša tudi na spolnost."
pamet in moč nanaša tudi na spolnost."
02:17
I should probably say right up top
that despite the hype,
that despite the hype,
45
125920
2975
Verjetno bi morala reči,
da se kljub lažni reklami
da se kljub lažni reklami
02:20
teenagers are not engaging in intercourse
more often or at a younger age
more often or at a younger age
46
128919
4897
najstniki ne spuščajo v spolnost
pogosteje ali prej
pogosteje ali prej
02:25
than they were 25 years ago.
47
133840
2216
kot pred 25 leti.
02:28
They are, however,
engaging in other behavior.
engaging in other behavior.
48
136080
3656
Spuščajo pa se v druge vrste vedenje.
02:31
And when we ignore that,
49
139760
1576
In ko to ignoriramo,
02:33
when we label that as "not sex,"
50
141360
2480
ko to označimo kot 'ne seks',
02:36
that opens the door
to risky behavior and disrespect.
to risky behavior and disrespect.
51
144600
3440
to odpre vrata tveganemu
vedenju in nespoštovanju.
vedenju in nespoštovanju.
02:41
That's particularly true of oral sex,
52
149040
2536
To še posebej velja za oralni seks,
02:43
which teenagers consider
to be less intimate than intercourse.
to be less intimate than intercourse.
53
151600
3896
ki se najstnikom zdi manj
intimen kot spolni odnos.
intimen kot spolni odnos.
02:47
Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal,"
54
155520
2896
Dekleta mi pravijo: "To ni nič posebnega,"
02:50
like they'd all read
the same instruction manual --
the same instruction manual --
55
158440
3056
kot da so vse prebrale ista navodila,
02:53
at least if boys
were on the receiving end.
were on the receiving end.
56
161520
3000
vsaj če so fantje tisti,
ki oralni seks sprejemajo.
ki oralni seks sprejemajo.
02:57
Young women have lots
of reasons for participating.
of reasons for participating.
57
165600
2856
Mlade ženske imajo veliko razlogov
za sodelovanje.
za sodelovanje.
03:00
It made them feel desired;
58
168480
1696
Počutile so se zaželjene,
03:02
it was a way to boost social status.
59
170200
2576
na ta način so si izboljšale
položaj v družbi.
položaj v družbi.
03:04
Sometimes, it was a way
to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
60
172800
3080
Včasih je bil to način, kako se
izogniti neprijetni situaciji.
izogniti neprijetni situaciji.
03:08
As a freshman at a West Coast
college said to me,
college said to me,
61
176560
3056
Brucka na univerzi na Zahodni obali
mi je rekla:
mi je rekla:
03:11
"A girl will give a guy a blow job
at the end of the night
at the end of the night
62
179640
2736
"Dekle fanta oralno zadovolji
na koncu večera,
na koncu večera,
03:14
because she doesn't
want to have sex with him,
want to have sex with him,
63
182400
2176
ker z njim noče imeti spolnega odnosa,
03:16
and he expects to be satisfied.
64
184600
2096
on pa pričakuje, da bo zadovoljen.
03:18
So, if I want him to leave
65
186720
1856
Če torej hočem, da gre,
03:20
and I don't want anything to happen ... "
66
188600
1953
in nočem, da se med nama kaj zgodi ..."
03:24
I heard so many stories
of girls performing one-sided oral sex
of girls performing one-sided oral sex
67
192720
4136
Slišala sem toliko zgodb deklet,
ki so izvajale enostranski oralni seks,
ki so izvajale enostranski oralni seks,
03:28
that I started asking,
68
196880
2016
da sem se začela spraševati:
03:30
"What if every time
you were alone with a guy,
you were alone with a guy,
69
198920
2256
"Kaj če bi ti vedno, ko si sama z moškim,
03:33
he told you to get him
a glass of water from the kitchen,
a glass of water from the kitchen,
70
201200
2976
ta rekel, da mu iz kuhinje prinesi
kozarec vode,
kozarec vode,
03:36
and he never got you a glass of water --
71
204200
3336
on ti pa nikoli ne bi
prinesel kozarca vode,
prinesel kozarca vode,
03:39
or if he did, it was like ...
72
207560
1480
če pa bi, bi bilo ..
03:43
'you want me to uh ...?'"
73
211880
1200
"Kaj hočeš?"
03:45
You know, totally begrudging.
74
213920
1400
Veste, z obžalovanjem.
03:48
You wouldn't stand for it.
75
216000
1960
Tega ne bi prenašale.
03:50
But it wasn't always
that boys didn't want to.
that boys didn't want to.
76
218960
2616
A ni vedno tako, da fantje nočejo.
03:53
It was that girls didn't want them to.
77
221600
2656
Dekleta jim niso dovolila.
03:56
Girls expressed a sense of shame
around their genitals.
around their genitals.
78
224280
3176
Dekleta so izrazila občutek
sramu v zvezi s svojimi genitalijami.
sramu v zvezi s svojimi genitalijami.
03:59
A sense that they were
simultaneously icky and sacred.
simultaneously icky and sacred.
79
227480
3760
Občutek, da so istočasno ogabne in svete.
04:04
Women's feelings about their genitals
80
232320
1816
Ženska čustva o svojih genitalijah
04:06
have been directly linked
to their enjoyment of sex.
to their enjoyment of sex.
81
234160
3120
so direktno povezana
z njihovim užitkom pri seksu.
z njihovim užitkom pri seksu.
04:10
Yet, Debby Herbenick,
a researcher at Indiana University,
a researcher at Indiana University,
82
238160
3536
A Debby Herbenick, raziskovalka
na Indiana University
na Indiana University
04:13
believes that girls' genital
self-image is under siege,
self-image is under siege,
83
241720
4576
verjame, da je dekliško dojemanje
genitalij na udaru.
genitalij na udaru.
04:18
with more pressure than ever
84
246320
1656
Pod vse večjim pritiskom so,
04:20
to see them as unacceptable
in their natural state.
in their natural state.
85
248000
3520
da jih dojemajo kot nesprejemljive
v svojem naravnem stanju.
v svojem naravnem stanju.
04:24
According to research,
86
252560
1216
Raziskave kažejo,
04:25
about three-quarters of college women
remove their pubic hair -- all of it --
remove their pubic hair -- all of it --
87
253800
4416
da si približno tri četrtine žensk
na univerzi odstranjuje vse sramne dlake,
na univerzi odstranjuje vse sramne dlake,
04:30
at least on occasion,
88
258240
1656
vsaj občasno,
04:31
and more than half do so regularly.
89
259920
2280
več kot polovica pa redno.
04:35
Girls would tell me that hair removal
made them feel cleaner,
made them feel cleaner,
90
263200
4136
Dekleta mi povedo, da se brez dlak
počutijo čistejše,
počutijo čistejše,
04:39
that it was a personal choice.
91
267360
1840
da gre za osebno določitev.
04:42
Though, I kind of wondered
if left alone on a desert island,
if left alone on a desert island,
92
270840
4216
Pa vendar sem razmišljala,
če bi bile same na zapuščenem otoku,
če bi bile same na zapuščenem otoku,
04:47
if this was how they would
choose to spend their time.
choose to spend their time.
93
275080
3016
bi tako preživljale svoj čas?
04:50
(Laughter)
94
278120
1536
(smeh)
04:51
And when I pushed further,
95
279680
1416
In ko sem vrtala dalje,
04:53
a darker motivation emerged:
96
281120
2136
se je pojavila temnejša motivacija:
04:55
avoiding humiliation.
97
283280
1720
izogib ponižanju.
04:57
"Guys act like they
would be disgusted by it,"
would be disgusted by it,"
98
285880
2896
"Fantje se obnašajo, kot da bi
se jim dlake gnusile,"
se jim dlake gnusile,"
05:00
one young woman told me.
99
288800
1440
mi je povedala mlada ženska.
05:02
"No one wants to be
talked about like that."
talked about like that."
100
290880
2080
"Nihče noče, da se o njem tako govori."
05:06
The rising pubic hair removal
reminded me of the 1920s,
reminded me of the 1920s,
101
294240
3416
Vse pogostejše odstranjevanje
dlak me spominja na 20. leta 20. stoletja,
dlak me spominja na 20. leta 20. stoletja,
05:09
when women first started regularly
shaving their armpits and their legs.
shaving their armpits and their legs.
102
297680
4496
ko so si ženske začele redno
briti pazduhe in noge.
briti pazduhe in noge.
05:14
That's when flapper dresses
came into style,
came into style,
103
302200
2536
Takrat so prišle v modo
kratke obleke z resicami
kratke obleke z resicami
05:16
and women's limbs were suddenly visible,
104
304760
2576
in ženske okončine so
nenadoma postale vidne,
nenadoma postale vidne,
05:19
open to public scrutiny.
105
307360
1440
na voljo javnemu kritiziranju.
05:21
There's a way that I think
that this too is a sign.
that this too is a sign.
106
309640
2976
Mislim, da je tudi to znamenje,
05:24
That a girl's most intimate part
is open to public scrutiny,
is open to public scrutiny,
107
312640
3960
da so najbolj intimni deli dekliškega
telesa na voljo javnemu pregledu,
telesa na voljo javnemu pregledu,
05:29
open to critique,
108
317440
1696
na voljo kritiki,
05:31
to becoming more about
how it looks to someone else
how it looks to someone else
109
319160
3496
da je nenadoma pomembneje,
kako se zdi nekomu drugemu
kako se zdi nekomu drugemu
05:34
than how it feels to her.
110
322680
2080
kot kako se ona počuti.
05:38
The shaving trend has sparked
another rise in labiaplasty.
another rise in labiaplasty.
111
326000
3720
Trend britja je sprožil porast
labioplastike.
labioplastike.
05:42
Labiaplasty, which is the trimming
of the inner and outer labia,
of the inner and outer labia,
112
330440
4120
Labioplastika pomeni obrezovanje
notranjih in zunanjih sramnih usten
notranjih in zunanjih sramnih usten
05:47
is the fastest-growing cosmetic
surgery among teenage girls.
surgery among teenage girls.
113
335160
4360
in je najhitreje naraščajoča
kozmetična operacija med najstnicami.
kozmetična operacija med najstnicami.
05:53
It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,
114
341160
4696
Med l. 2014 in 2015 je za 80% pogostejša
05:57
and whereas girls under 18 comprise
two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
115
345880
4016
in če dekleta, mlajša od 18 let,
predstavljajo 2% vseh kozmetičnih posegov,
predstavljajo 2% vseh kozmetičnih posegov,
06:01
they are five percent of labiaplasty.
116
349920
3000
je od teh 5% labioplastik.
06:05
The most sought-after look, incidentally,
117
353920
1976
Najbolj zaželjeni izgled,
06:07
in which the outer labia
appear fused like a clam shell,
appear fused like a clam shell,
118
355920
3736
pri katerem zunanje ustne izgledajo
združene kot školjka,
združene kot školjka,
06:11
is called ...
119
359680
1456
se imenuje ...
06:13
wait for it ...
120
361160
1200
počakajte ...
06:15
"The Barbie."
121
363240
1576
Barbika.
06:16
(Groan)
122
364840
1296
(stok)
06:18
I trust I don't have to tell you
123
366160
2016
Mislim, da mi ni treba povedati,
06:20
that Barbie is a) made of plastic
124
368200
2896
da je Barbika narejena iz plastike
06:23
and b) has no genitalia.
125
371120
3176
in da nima genitalij.
06:26
(Laughter)
126
374320
1896
(smeh)
06:28
The labiaplasty trend
has become so worrisome
has become so worrisome
127
376240
2776
Trend labiplastike je postal
tako zaskrbljujoč,
tako zaskrbljujoč,
06:31
that the American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
128
379040
3656
da je Ameriški kolegij porodničarjev
in ginekologov
in ginekologov
06:34
has issued a statement on the procedure,
129
382720
2256
izdal mnenje o tem postopku,
06:37
which is rarely medically indicated,
130
385000
2496
ki je redko nujno potreben,
06:39
has not been proven safe
131
387520
2136
ni dokazano varen
06:41
and whose side effects
include scarring, numbness, pain
include scarring, numbness, pain
132
389680
5856
in ima stranske učinke, kot so
brazgotinjenje, otrplost, bolečina
brazgotinjenje, otrplost, bolečina
06:47
and diminished sexual sensation.
133
395560
1960
in zmanjšan seksualni občutek,
06:50
Now, admittedly,
134
398560
1416
Res je,
06:52
and blessedly,
135
400000
1576
na srečo,
06:53
the number of girls involved
is still quite small,
is still quite small,
136
401600
2760
da je število vključenih deklet
še vedno precej majhno,
še vedno precej majhno,
06:57
but you could see them
as canaries in a coal mine,
as canaries in a coal mine,
137
405200
3056
a govorijo nam
07:00
telling us something important
about the way girls see their bodies.
about the way girls see their bodies.
138
408280
4000
nekaj zelo pomebnega o tem, kako
dekleta vidijo svoje telo.
dekleta vidijo svoje telo.
07:05
Sara McClellan,
139
413760
1696
Sara McClelland,
07:07
a psychologist
at the University of Michigan,
at the University of Michigan,
140
415480
2456
psihologinja na University of Michigan,
07:09
coined what is my favorite phrase ever
in talking about all of this:
in talking about all of this:
141
417960
4520
je skovala meni najljubši izraz,
ko govori o tem:
ko govori o tem:
07:15
"Intimate justice."
142
423320
1880
intimna pravica.
07:18
That's the idea that sex has political,
as well as personal implications,
as well as personal implications,
143
426680
4096
Ideja je, da ima seks politične,
pa tudi osebne posledice,
pa tudi osebne posledice,
07:22
just like, who does
the dishes in your house,
the dishes in your house,
144
430800
2656
prav tako kot, kdo pri vas doma
pomiva posodo
pomiva posodo
07:25
or who vacuums the rug.
145
433480
1600
in kdo sesa preprogo.
07:27
And it raises similar
issues about inequality,
issues about inequality,
146
435680
3816
Vzbuja podobna vprašanja o neenakosti,
07:31
about economic disparity,
147
439520
1976
o ekonomskem neskladju,
07:33
violence,
148
441520
1216
nasilju,
07:34
physical and mental health.
149
442760
1440
fizičnem in mentalnem zdravju.
07:37
Intimate justice asks us to consider
150
445120
3456
Intimna pravica nas prosi, da pomislimo,
07:40
who is entitled
to engage in an experience.
to engage in an experience.
151
448600
3336
kdo se ima pravico vključiti v izkušnjo.
07:43
Who is entitled to enjoy it?
152
451960
2496
Kdo ima pravico uživati v njej?
07:46
Who is the primary beneficiary?
153
454480
2200
kdo je osnovni prejemnik?
07:49
And how does each partner
define "good enough"?
define "good enough"?
154
457240
3280
In kako vsak izmed partnerjev
definira izraz 'dovolj dobro'.
definira izraz 'dovolj dobro'.
07:53
Honestly, I think those questions
are tricky and sometimes traumatic
are tricky and sometimes traumatic
155
461520
4896
Pošteno povedano mislim, da so ta
vprašanja varljiva in včasih travmatična
vprašanja varljiva in včasih travmatična
07:58
for adult women to confront,
156
466440
1480
že za odrasle ženske,
08:01
but when we're talking about girls,
157
469000
2296
ko pa govorimo o dekletih,
08:03
I just kept coming back to the idea
that their early sexual experience
that their early sexual experience
158
471320
5296
mi kar naprej po glavi hodi ideja,
da njihove zgodnje spolne izkušnje
da njihove zgodnje spolne izkušnje
08:08
shouldn't have to be
something that they get over.
something that they get over.
159
476640
2760
ne bi smele biti nekaj,
kar je treba prestati.
kar je treba prestati.
08:13
In her work,
160
481560
1216
Pri svojem delu
08:14
McClellan found that young women
were more likely than young men
were more likely than young men
161
482800
3816
je McClellandova ugotovila, da mlade
ženske pogosteje kot mladi moški
ženske pogosteje kot mladi moški
08:18
to use their partner's pleasure
as a measure of their satisfaction.
as a measure of their satisfaction.
162
486640
3880
uporabljajo partnerjev užitek
kot merilo svojega zadovoljstva.
kot merilo svojega zadovoljstva.
08:23
So they'd say things like,
163
491120
1336
Takole govorijo:
08:24
"If he's sexually satisfied,
164
492480
1816
"Če je on spolno potešen,
08:26
then I'm sexually satisfied."
165
494320
1560
potem sem tudi jaz spolno potešena."
08:28
Young men were more likely to measure
their satisfaction by their own orgasm.
their satisfaction by their own orgasm.
166
496440
4840
Mladi moški pogosteje merijo
svoje zadovoljstvo z lastnim orgazmom.
svoje zadovoljstvo z lastnim orgazmom.
08:34
Young women also defined
bad sex differently.
bad sex differently.
167
502840
3520
Mlade ženske tudi definirajo
slab spolni odnos drugače.
slab spolni odnos drugače.
08:39
In the largest ever survey
168
507920
1496
V največji raziskavi doslej
08:41
ever conducted
on American sexual behavior,
on American sexual behavior,
169
509440
3136
o spolnem vedenju Američanov
08:44
they reported pain
in their sexual encounters
in their sexual encounters
170
512600
3776
so poročale o bolečini
pri svojih spolnih odnosih
pri svojih spolnih odnosih
08:48
30 percent of the time.
171
516400
1880
v 30% primerih.
08:51
They also used words like "depressing,"
172
519520
2840
Uporabile so tudi besede 'depresivno',
08:55
"humiliating,"
173
523120
1576
'poniževalno'
08:56
"degrading."
174
524720
1200
'ponižujoče'.
08:58
The young men never used that language.
175
526440
3080
Mladi moški nikoli niso
uporabili teh izrazov.
uporabili teh izrazov.
09:02
So when young women
report sexual satisfaction levels
report sexual satisfaction levels
176
530440
3376
Ko mlade ženske poročajo
o stopnji spolnega zadovoljstva,
o stopnji spolnega zadovoljstva,
09:05
that are equal to
or greater than young men's --
or greater than young men's --
177
533840
2920
ki je enako ali večje kot
tisto od mladih moških -
tisto od mladih moških -
09:09
and they do in research --
178
537440
1240
in v raziskavi je tudi to -
09:11
that can be deceptive.
179
539440
1400
je to lahko zavajujoče.
09:13
If a girl goes into an encounter
hoping that it won't hurt,
hoping that it won't hurt,
180
541640
3616
Če se dekle spusti v spolni odnos
z upanjem, da je ne bo bolelo,
z upanjem, da je ne bo bolelo,
09:17
wanting to feel close to her partner
181
545280
2016
da se bo počutila blizu svojemu partnerju
09:19
and expecting him to have an orgasm,
182
547320
2040
in da bo on doživel orgazem,
09:22
she'll be satisfied
if those criteria are met.
if those criteria are met.
183
550160
2360
bo zadovoljna, če se
bodo ti kriteriji izpolnili.
bodo ti kriteriji izpolnili.
09:25
And there's nothing wrong with wanting
to feel close to your partner,
to feel close to your partner,
184
553120
3256
Nič ni narobe, če se želimo počutiti
blizu svojemu partnerju
blizu svojemu partnerju
09:28
or wanting him to be happy,
185
556400
1336
ali želimo, da je srečen,
09:29
and orgasm isn't the only
measure of an experience ...
measure of an experience ...
186
557760
2524
in orgazem ni edino merilo neke izkušnje,
09:33
but absence of pain --
187
561560
1240
ampak odsotnost bolečine,
09:35
that's a very low bar
for your own sexual fulfillment.
for your own sexual fulfillment.
188
563760
3520
to je zelo nizka stopnička na lestvici
lastne spolne izpolnitve.
lastne spolne izpolnitve.
09:41
Listening to all of this
and thinking about it,
and thinking about it,
189
569000
2216
Ob poslušanju vsega tega
in razmišljanju o tem
in razmišljanju o tem
09:43
I began to realize that we performed
a kind of psychological clitoridectomy
a kind of psychological clitoridectomy
190
571240
5296
sem se začela zavedati, da smo
nad ameriškimi dekleti izvedli
nad ameriškimi dekleti izvedli
09:48
on American girls.
191
576560
1240
neke vrste psihološko obrezovanje.
09:50
Starting in infancy,
192
578360
1296
Začne se že v otroštvu,
09:51
parents of baby boys are more likely
to name all their body parts,
to name all their body parts,
193
579680
3816
ko starši fantkov pogosteje
imenujejo vse njihove dele telesa.
imenujejo vse njihove dele telesa.
09:55
at least they'll say,
"here's your pee-pee."
"here's your pee-pee."
194
583520
2080
Vsaj rečejo: "To je tvoj lulček."
09:58
Parents of baby girls
go right from navel to knees,
go right from navel to knees,
195
586280
3176
Starši deklic od popka takoj
preskočijo na kolena
preskočijo na kolena
10:01
and they leave this whole
situation in here unnamed.
situation in here unnamed.
196
589480
3456
in vse vmes pustijo neimenovano.
10:04
(Laughter)
197
592960
1336
(smeh)
10:06
There's no better way
to make something unspeakable
to make something unspeakable
198
594320
3456
Ni boljšega načina, kako nekaj
narediti neizrekljivo,
narediti neizrekljivo,
10:09
than not to name it.
199
597800
1200
kot da se ga sploh ne poimenuje.
10:12
Then kids go into
their puberty education classes
their puberty education classes
200
600280
2416
Potem gredo otroci k zdravstveni vzgoji
10:14
and they learn that boys
have erections and ejaculations,
have erections and ejaculations,
201
602720
3080
in se naučijo, da imajo fantje
erekcijo in izliv,
erekcijo in izliv,
10:18
and girls have ...
202
606600
1736
dekleta pa imajo ...
10:20
periods and unwanted pregnancy.
203
608360
2920
menstruacijo in nezaželeno nosečnost.
10:24
And they see that internal diagram
of a woman's reproductive system --
of a woman's reproductive system --
204
612040
3856
In vidijo tisti notranji diagram
ženskih spolnih organov,
ženskih spolnih organov,
10:27
you know, the one that looks
kind of like a steer head --
kind of like a steer head --
205
615920
2696
saj veste, tistega, ki izgleda
kot neke vrste krmilna ročica.
kot neke vrste krmilna ročica.
10:30
(Laughter)
206
618640
1480
(smeh)
10:34
And it always grays out between the legs.
207
622720
2320
In med nogami je vedno zasenčen.
10:37
So we never say vulva,
208
625760
2176
Tako nikoli ne rečemo besede vulva
10:39
we certainly never say clitoris.
209
627960
2376
in zagotovo nikoli ne rečemo ščegetavček.
10:42
No surprise,
210
630360
1216
Potem ni presenetljivo,
10:43
fewer than half
of teenage girls age 14 to 17
of teenage girls age 14 to 17
211
631600
3136
da se več kot polovica najstnic
med 14. in 17. letom
med 14. in 17. letom
10:46
have ever masturbated.
212
634760
2000
nikoli ne samozadovoljuje.
10:49
And then they go
into their partnered experience
into their partnered experience
213
637360
2816
In potem se spustijo
v svoje partnerske izkušnje,
v svoje partnerske izkušnje,
10:52
and we expect that somehow
they'll think sex is about them,
they'll think sex is about them,
214
640200
3696
mi pa pričakujemo, da bodo nekako
razumele, da je spolnost zanje in o njih,
razumele, da je spolnost zanje in o njih,
10:55
that they'll be able to articulate
their needs, their desires, their limits.
their needs, their desires, their limits.
215
643920
4680
da bodo lahko izrazile svoje
potrebe, svoje želje, svoje meje.
potrebe, svoje želje, svoje meje.
11:01
It's unrealistic.
216
649480
1440
To je nerealno.
11:04
Here's something, though.
217
652440
1200
Nekaj pa je.
11:06
Girls' investment
in their partner's pleasure remains
in their partner's pleasure remains
218
654320
3176
Dekleta se potrudijo za partnerjev užitek,
11:09
regardless of the gender of the partner.
219
657520
2440
ne glede na spol partnerja.
11:12
So in same-sex encounters,
220
660680
2256
V istospolnih zvezah
11:14
the orgasm gap disappears.
221
662960
2480
prepad med orgazmom izgine.
11:18
And young women climax
at the same rate as men.
at the same rate as men.
222
666160
2800
Mlade ženske doživijo vrhunec
enako pogosto kot moški.
enako pogosto kot moški.
11:22
Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me
223
670120
2176
Lezbijke in biseksualke so mi povedale,
11:24
that they felt liberated
to get off the script --
to get off the script --
224
672320
3576
da so se počutile osvobojene,
ko so delale po svoje,
ko so delale po svoje,
11:27
free to create an encounter
that worked for them.
that worked for them.
225
675920
3416
svobodne, da ustvarjajo izkušnje,
ki jim ustrezajo.
ki jim ustrezajo.
11:31
Gay girls also challenged
the idea of first intercourse
the idea of first intercourse
226
679360
3656
Lezbijke so tudi sprožile razmišljanje
o prvem spolnem odnosu
o prvem spolnem odnosu
11:35
as the definition of virginity.
227
683040
1936
kot definiciji nedolžnosti.
11:37
Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,
228
685000
2576
Ne zato, ker spolni odnos ni pomemben,
11:39
but it's worth questioning
why we consider this one act,
why we consider this one act,
229
687600
4376
a vredno je razmisliti,
zakaj jemljemo to dejanje,
zakaj jemljemo to dejanje,
11:44
which most girls associate
with discomfort or pain,
with discomfort or pain,
230
692000
2816
ki ga večina deklet povezuje
z neudobjem in bolečino,
z neudobjem in bolečino,
11:46
to be the line in the sand
of sexual adulthood --
of sexual adulthood --
231
694840
3496
kot črto v pesku spolne odraslosti -
11:50
so much more meaningful,
232
698360
1456
toliko bolj pomembno,
11:51
so much more transformative
than anything else.
than anything else.
233
699840
2760
toliko bolj spreminjajoče
kot kar koli drugega.
kot kar koli drugega.
11:55
And it's worth considering
how this is serving girls;
how this is serving girls;
234
703640
3456
In vredno je razmisliti,
kako to služi dekletom.
kako to služi dekletom.
11:59
whether it's keeping them
safer from disease,
safer from disease,
235
707120
3016
Jih varuje pred boleznimi,
12:02
coercion, betrayal, assault.
236
710160
2880
prisilo, izdajo, posilstvom?
12:05
Whether it's encouraging
mutuality and caring;
mutuality and caring;
237
713600
3040
Vzpodbuja vzajemnost ali ljubezen?
12:09
what it means about the way
they see other sex acts;
they see other sex acts;
238
717360
3616
Kaj pove o načinu,
kako vidijo druga spolna dejanja,
kako vidijo druga spolna dejanja,
12:13
whether it's giving them more control over
239
721000
2216
jim daje več nadzora
12:15
and joy in their experience,
240
723240
1840
in veselja v njihovi izkušnji?
12:17
and what it means about gay teens,
241
725680
2936
In kaj pomeni o homoseksualnih najstnikih,
12:20
who can have multiple sex partners
without heterosexual intercourse.
without heterosexual intercourse.
242
728640
4040
ki lahko imajo mnoge spolne partnerje
brez heteroseksualnega spolnega odnosa.
brez heteroseksualnega spolnega odnosa.
12:25
So I asked a gay girl that I met,
243
733960
1840
Vprašala sem mlado lezbijko,
ki sem jo srečala:
ki sem jo srečala:
12:28
"How'd you know
you weren't a virgin anymore?"
you weren't a virgin anymore?"
244
736520
2160
"Kako si vedela, da nisi več devica?"
12:31
She said she had to Google it.
245
739560
1456
Rekla je, da je morala poguglati.
12:33
(Laughter)
246
741040
2176
(smeh)
12:35
And Google wasn't sure.
247
743240
1560
In Google ni bil prepričan.
12:37
(Laughter)
248
745200
1816
(smeh)
12:39
She finally decided
that she wasn't a virgin anymore
that she wasn't a virgin anymore
249
747040
2936
Nazadnje se je odločila,
da ni več bila devica
da ni več bila devica
12:42
after she'd had
her first orgasm with a partner.
her first orgasm with a partner.
250
750000
2720
ko je doživela prvi orgazem s partnerko.
12:45
And I thought --
251
753960
1576
In pomislila sem -
12:47
whoa.
252
755560
1200
stoj!
12:49
What if just for a second
253
757120
2656
Kaj če si samo za sekundo
12:51
we imagined that was the definition?
254
759800
2360
predstvavljamo, da je to definicija?
12:55
Again, not because
intercourse isn't a big deal --
intercourse isn't a big deal --
255
763560
2336
Ponovno, ne zato, ker spolni odnos
ne bi bil pomemben,
ne bi bil pomemben,
12:57
of course it is --
256
765920
1296
seveda je,
12:59
but it isn't the only big deal,
257
767240
2320
ampak ni edina pomembna stvar.
13:02
and rather than thinking about sex
as a race to a goal,
as a race to a goal,
258
770360
3776
Raje kot da mislimo o spolnem
odnosu kot o teku proti cilju,
odnosu kot o teku proti cilju,
13:06
this helps us reconceptualize it
as a pool of experiences
as a pool of experiences
259
774160
5096
nam to pomaga na novo pojmovati
spolni odnos kot bazen izkušenj,
spolni odnos kot bazen izkušenj,
13:11
that include warmth, affection, arousal,
260
779280
4616
ki vključujejo toplino,
ljubezen, vzburjenje,
ljubezen, vzburjenje,
13:15
desire, touch, intimacy.
261
783920
2800
željo, dotik, itimnost.
13:19
And it's worth asking young people:
262
787640
2216
In vredno je vprašati mlade:
13:21
who's really the more sexually
experienced person?
experienced person?
263
789880
3536
kdo je v resnici seksualno bolj izkušen?
13:25
The one who makes out
with a partner for three hours
with a partner for three hours
264
793440
3056
Tisti, ki se tri ure mečka s partnerjem
13:28
and experiments with sensual
tension and communication,
tension and communication,
265
796520
4576
in eksperimentira s spolno napetostjo
in komunikacijo,
in komunikacijo,
13:33
or the one who gets wasted at a party
and hooks up with a random
and hooks up with a random
266
801120
3816
ali tisti, ki se na zabavi napije
in se poseksa z neko naključno osebo,
in se poseksa z neko naključno osebo,
13:36
in order to dump their "virginity"
before they get to college?
before they get to college?
267
804960
3680
da bi izgubil nedolžnost,
preden gre na univerzo?
preden gre na univerzo?
13:41
The only way that shift
in thinking can happen though
in thinking can happen though
268
809640
3176
Edini način, kako lahko pride do tega
premika v mišljenju,
premika v mišljenju,
13:44
is if we talk to young people
more about sex --
more about sex --
269
812840
4056
je, da z mladimi več govorimo o spolnosti.
13:48
if we normalize those discussions,
270
816920
2336
Če te pogovore normaliziramo,
13:51
integrating them into everyday life,
271
819280
2896
jih vključimo v vsakdanje življenje,
13:54
talking about those intimate acts
in a different way --
in a different way --
272
822200
3536
na drugačen način govorimo
o intimnih dejanjih,
o intimnih dejanjih,
13:57
the way we mostly have changed
273
825760
2776
na način,
14:00
in the way that we talk
about women in the public realm.
about women in the public realm.
274
828560
2640
na način, kako govorimo o ženskah
v javnosti.
v javnosti.
14:03
Consider a survey
of 300 randomly chosen girls
of 300 randomly chosen girls
275
831720
4576
Vzemimo anketo 300 naključno
izbranih deklet
izbranih deklet
14:08
from a Dutch and an American university,
276
836320
2376
iz nizozemske in ameriške univerze,
14:10
two similar universities,
277
838720
1736
dveh podobnih univerz,
14:12
talking about their early
experience of sex.
experience of sex.
278
840480
2920
ki govorijo o svojih zgodnjih
spolnih izkušnjah.
spolnih izkušnjah.
14:16
The Dutch girls embodied everything
we say we want from our girls.
we say we want from our girls.
279
844280
4936
Nizozemska dekleta poosebljajo vse,
kar pravimo, da si želimo od svojih deklet.
kar pravimo, da si želimo od svojih deklet.
14:21
They had fewer negative consequences,
280
849240
1936
Imele so manj negativnih izkušenj,
14:23
like disease, pregnancy, regret --
281
851200
2840
kot so bolezni, nosečnost, obžalovanje,
14:26
more positive outcomes
282
854640
1776
in več pozitivnih izidov,
14:28
like being able to communicate
with their partner,
with their partner,
283
856440
2416
na primer, da so lahko
komunicirale s partnerjem,
komunicirale s partnerjem,
14:30
who they said they knew very well;
284
858880
1696
ki ga dobro poznajo.
14:32
preparing for the experience responsibly;
285
860600
2576
Pripravile so se na odgovornost izkušnje,
14:35
enjoying themselves.
286
863200
1560
uživale so.
14:37
What was their secret?
287
865680
1200
Kaj je njihova skrivnost?
14:39
The Dutch girls said
that their doctors, teachers and parents
that their doctors, teachers and parents
288
867720
4256
Nizozemska dekleta so rekla, da so
njihovi zdravniki, učitelji in starši
njihovi zdravniki, učitelji in starši
14:44
talked to them candidly,
289
872000
1616
z njimi odkrito govorili
14:45
from an early age,
290
873640
1736
od zgodnje starosti
14:47
about sex, pleasure
and the importance of mutual trust.
and the importance of mutual trust.
291
875400
4920
o spolnosti, užitku in pomembnosti
medsebojnega zaupanja.
medsebojnega zaupanja.
14:53
What's more,
292
881480
1216
Še več,
14:54
while American parents weren't necessarily
less comfortable talking about sex,
less comfortable talking about sex,
293
882720
4776
čeprav ameriški starši niso bili nujno
manj sproščeni med pogovorom o spolnosti,
manj sproščeni med pogovorom o spolnosti,
14:59
we tend to frame those conversations
294
887520
2496
večinoma obrnemo te pogovore
15:02
entirely in terms or risk and danger,
295
890040
3600
popolnoma v smer tveganja in nevarnosti,
15:06
whereas Dutch parents talk
about balancing responsibility and joy.
about balancing responsibility and joy.
296
894600
4680
nizozemski starši pa govorijo o
ravnotežju med odgovornostjo in veseljem.
ravnotežju med odgovornostjo in veseljem.
15:12
I have to tell you,
297
900200
1216
Moram vam povedati,
15:13
as a parent myself,
298
901440
1856
tudi sama kot starš,
15:15
that hit me hard,
299
903320
2056
da me je zelo prizadelo,
15:17
because I know,
300
905400
2536
ker vem,
15:19
had I not delved into that research,
301
907960
2256
da če se ne bi lotila te raziskave,
15:22
I would have talked to my own child
about contraception,
about contraception,
302
910240
3776
bi s svojim otrokom govorila
o kontracepciji,
o kontracepciji,
15:26
about disease protection,
303
914040
1856
o zaščiti pred boleznimi,
15:27
about consent because I'm a modern parent,
304
915920
2736
o privolitvi, ker sem modern starš.
15:30
and I would have thought ...
305
918680
1334
In mislila bi si -
15:34
job well done.
306
922000
1200
dobro sem opravila.
15:36
Now I know that's not enough.
307
924320
2280
Zdaj pa vem, da to ni dovolj.
15:39
I also know what I hope for for our girls.
308
927920
3040
Vem tudi, kaj si želim za naša dekleta.
15:43
I want them to see sexuality
as a source of self-knowledge,
as a source of self-knowledge,
309
931960
4256
Želim jim, da bi videle spolnosti
kot vir znanja o sebi,
kot vir znanja o sebi,
15:48
creativity and communication,
310
936240
2216
kreativnost in komunikacijo
15:50
despite its potential risks.
311
938480
2616
kljub potencialnemu tveganju.
15:53
I want them to be able
to revel in their bodies' sensuality
to revel in their bodies' sensuality
312
941120
3456
Želim jim, da bi znale uživati
v čutnosti svojega telesa,
v čutnosti svojega telesa,
15:56
without being reduced to it.
313
944600
1520
ne da bi bile zreducirane nanj.
15:59
I want them to be able
to ask for what they want in bed,
to ask for what they want in bed,
314
947120
3216
Želim jim, da bi lahko zahtevale,
kar si želijo v postelji,
kar si želijo v postelji,
16:02
and to get it.
315
950360
1240
in to tudi dobile.
16:04
I want them to be safe
from unwanted pregnancy,
from unwanted pregnancy,
316
952560
3456
Želim jim, da bi bile varne
pred nezaželeno nosečnostjo,
pred nezaželeno nosečnostjo,
16:08
disease,
317
956040
1216
boleznijo,
16:09
cruelty,
318
957280
1216
krutostjo,
16:10
dehumanization,
319
958520
1576
razčlovečenjem,
16:12
violence.
320
960120
1200
nasiljem.
16:14
If they are assaulted,
321
962080
1776
Če jih kdo spolno napade,
16:15
I want them to have recourse
from their schools,
from their schools,
322
963880
3456
jim želim, da bi se lahko zatekle v šolo,
16:19
their employers,
323
967360
1416
k svojim delodajalcem,
16:20
the courts.
324
968800
1200
na sodišče.
16:23
It's a lot to ask,
325
971120
1400
Vem, da veliko zahtevam,
16:25
but it's not too much.
326
973240
1200
a ne preveč.
16:27
As parents, teachers,
advocates and activists,
advocates and activists,
327
975480
4056
Kot starši, učitelji, zagovorniki
in aktivisti
in aktivisti
16:31
we have raised a generation
of girls to have a voice,
of girls to have a voice,
328
979560
4776
smo vzgojili generacijo deklet,
ki imajo svoj glas,
ki imajo svoj glas,
16:36
to expect egalitarian
treatment in the home,
treatment in the home,
329
984360
3856
ki pričakujejo enakopravnost doma,
16:40
in the classroom,
330
988240
1256
v učilnici,
16:41
in the workplace.
331
989520
1200
na delovnem mestu.
16:43
Now it's time to demand
that intimate justice
that intimate justice
332
991720
4656
Zdaj je čas, da zahtevajo tudi svojo
intimno pravico
intimno pravico
16:48
in their personal lives as well.
333
996400
2160
v svojih zasebnih življenjih.
16:51
Thank you.
334
999760
1216
Hvala.
16:53
(Applause)
335
1001000
2600
(aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Peggy Orenstein - Journalist, authorIn her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women.
Why you should listen
From her pioneering book Schoolgirls to her latest, Girls & Sex, author Peggy Orenstein interviewed young women across the country, mapping the terrain of adolescent female sexuality and gender expectations. Her interviews reveal an uncomfortable truth: although women may display self-confidence in public society, their knowledge of their own sexuality has plummeted, resulting in a “psychological clitoridectomy.”
In addition to her bestselling books, Orenstein writes for New York Times Magazine, comments for NPR and was recognized by the Columbia Journalism Review as among its “40 women who changed the media business in the past 40 years.”
Peggy Orenstein | Speaker | TED.com