TEDWomen 2016
Peggy Orenstein: What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure
佩琪·奧倫斯汀: 少女對性愉悅的觀感
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為什麽女孩們在性方面覺得自由但卻不覺得享受呢？三年來，作家佩琪·奧倫斯汀採訪15至20歲的女孩們，詢問他們對性體驗的態度。她探討了女孩們在性接觸中會失去大部分快感的原因，並且號召我們從低年齡開始，直率地向女孩們解釋性、身體、快感以及親密等概念來彌補「orgasm gap（男性和女性在性高潮體驗之間的差距；一般來說女性的性體驗較差）」。
Peggy Orenstein - Journalist, author
In her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women. Full bio
In her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
For several years now,
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這十幾年來，
00:14
we've been engaged in a national debate
about sexual assault on campus.
about sexual assault on campus.
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我們一直參與着一場全國性的討論：
校園性侵。
校園性侵。
00:19
No question --
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毫無疑問——
00:20
it's crucial that young people
understand the ground rules for consent,
understand the ground rules for consent,
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年青人應該在「你情我願」之前掂量下那幾條鐵則——
這是極其重要的，
這是極其重要的，
00:25
but that's where the conversation
about sex is ending.
about sex is ending.
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但這時關於「性」的討論
就止於秘而不宣了。
就止於秘而不宣了。
00:29
And in that vacuum of information
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在沒有相關「知識」的情況下，
00:31
the media and the Internet --
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媒體和網路——
00:33
that new digital street corner --
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在那虛擬世界的角落——
00:34
are educating our kids for us.
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正替我們「教育」着孩子們。
00:38
If we truly want young people
to engage safely, ethically,
to engage safely, ethically,
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如果我們真的想讓年青人在「性」方面
既安全、又道德——當然，也很享受，
既安全、又道德——當然，也很享受，
00:43
and yes, enjoyably,
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如果我們真的想讓年青人在「性」方面
既安全、又道德——當然，也很享受，
既安全、又道德——當然，也很享受，
00:46
it's time to have open honest discussion
about what happens after "yes,"
about what happens after "yes,"
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那麽是時候對那句「好啊」
之後發生的事進行開誠布公。
之後發生的事進行開誠布公。
00:52
and that includes breaking
the biggest taboo of all
the biggest taboo of all
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這就包括打破最大的「忌諱」，
00:55
and talking to young people
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以及向年青人說清楚
00:57
about women's capacity for
and entitlement to sexual pleasure.
and entitlement to sexual pleasure.
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女性的能力所在，
以及獲得性快感的權利。
以及獲得性快感的權利。
01:03
Yeah.
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對，是這樣。
01:04
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
01:05
Come on, ladies.
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來吧，女士們。
01:06
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
01:08
I spent three years
talking to girls ages 15 to 20
talking to girls ages 15 to 20
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我與15到20歲的女生交談了三年，
01:12
about their attitudes
and experience of sex.
and experience of sex.
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關於她們對「性」的態度和體驗。
01:15
And what I found was
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最後我發現
01:17
that while young women may feel
entitled to engage in sexual behavior,
entitled to engage in sexual behavior,
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年輕女孩們或許覺得自己
對性行為有自主權，
對性行為有自主權，
01:21
they don't necessarily
feel entitled to enjoy it.
feel entitled to enjoy it.
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卻不一定覺得自己有享受的權利。
01:25
Take this sophomore
at the Ivy League college
at the Ivy League college
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拿這個在「常青藤」盟校的
大學二年級女生來說吧，
大學二年級女生來說吧，
01:27
who told me,
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她告訴我，
01:28
"I come from a long line
of smart, strong women.
of smart, strong women.
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「我誕生於一個充滿女強人的家庭，
01:31
My grandmother was a firecracker,
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我的祖母是有着火爆的脾氣，
01:34
my mom is a professional,
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我的母親是一位專家，
01:36
my sister and I are loud,
and that's our form of feminine power."
and that's our form of feminine power."
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我和我的姐妹都是大嗓門，
這些都展示了我們女人的力量。」
這些都展示了我們女人的力量。」
01:40
She then proceeded
to describe her sex life to me:
to describe her sex life to me:
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她接着向我描述了她的性生活：
01:43
a series of one-off hookups,
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一次次短暫的一夜之歡，
01:45
starting when she was 13,
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始於她13歲的時候。
01:46
that were ...
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那個……
01:48
not especially responsible,
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不怎麽負責任，
01:50
not especially reciprocal
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不怎麽相互交流，
01:52
and not especially enjoyable.
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甚至不怎麽令人享受。
01:55
She shrugged.
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她聳了聳肩。
01:56
"I guess we girls are just socialized
to be these docile creatures
to be these docile creatures
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「我猜我們女生就是要被調教成那些溫順的綿羊，
02:00
who don't express our wants or needs."
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不會表達自己的需求與渴望。」
02:03
"Wait a minute," I replied.
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「等一等，」我說。
02:05
"Didn't you just tell me
what a smart, strong woman you are?"
what a smart, strong woman you are?"
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「你不是剛告訴我你是一個多麽聰明，
多麽堅強的女人嗎？」
多麽堅強的女人嗎？」
02:09
She hemmed and hawed.
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她支支吾吾。
02:11
"I guess," she finally said,
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「我認為，」她最後說，
02:12
"no one told me that that smart,
strong image applies to sex."
strong image applies to sex."
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「那種聰明、堅強的印象不一定也適用於『性』。」
02:17
I should probably say right up top
that despite the hype,
that despite the hype,
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我可能要直截了當地說，
儘管媒體大肆宣傳，
儘管媒體大肆宣傳，
02:20
teenagers are not engaging in intercourse
more often or at a younger age
more often or at a younger age
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但是青少年們比起25年之前
性活動並不更加頻繁，或者在更低的年齡偷嘗禁果。
性活動並不更加頻繁，或者在更低的年齡偷嘗禁果。
但是青少年們比起25年之前
性活動並不更加頻繁，或者在更低的年齡偷嘗禁果。
性活動並不更加頻繁，或者在更低的年齡偷嘗禁果。
02:25
than they were 25 years ago.
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02:28
They are, however,
engaging in other behavior.
engaging in other behavior.
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然而他們開始嘗試其他的行為。
02:31
And when we ignore that,
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這些被我們忽略的，
02:33
when we label that as "not sex,"
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被我們標記為「與性無關」的東西，
02:36
that opens the door
to risky behavior and disrespect.
to risky behavior and disrespect.
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為青少年打開了一扇指向危險和違禮的門。
02:41
That's particularly true of oral sex,
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一部分的矛頭指向口交，
02:43
which teenagers consider
to be less intimate than intercourse.
to be less intimate than intercourse.
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青少年們認為它不如性交那麽親密。
02:47
Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal,"
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女孩們會告訴我：「沒什麽大不了的。」，
02:50
like they'd all read
the same instruction manual --
the same instruction manual --
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就好像她們都讀過同一本指導手冊一樣——
02:53
at least if boys
were on the receiving end.
were on the receiving end.
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至少，當男生是口交接受者時是這樣。
02:57
Young women have lots
of reasons for participating.
of reasons for participating.
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年輕女孩們有很多理由去參與其中。
03:00
It made them feel desired;
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它讓她們感到性興奮；
03:02
it was a way to boost social status.
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它是一種提升社會地位的方式。
03:04
Sometimes, it was a way
to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
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有時，它是一種脫離不適感的方式。
03:08
As a freshman at a West Coast
college said to me,
college said to me,
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一位西海岸大學的一年級新生對我說，
03:11
"A girl will give a guy a blow job
at the end of the night
at the end of the night
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「一個女孩會在深夜為一個傢伙口交，
03:14
because she doesn't
want to have sex with him,
want to have sex with him,
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是因為不願和他做愛，
03:16
and he expects to be satisfied.
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而且那個男孩應該會心滿意足。
03:18
So, if I want him to leave
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所以，如果我想讓他離開，
03:20
and I don't want anything to happen ... "
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並且不想發生什麽……」
03:24
I heard so many stories
of girls performing one-sided oral sex
of girls performing one-sided oral sex
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我聽過很多的女孩們進行單方面口交的敘述，
03:28
that I started asking,
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這些讓我開始問道：
03:30
"What if every time
you were alone with a guy,
you were alone with a guy,
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「如果每次你單獨和一個傢伙在一起，
03:33
he told you to get him
a glass of water from the kitchen,
a glass of water from the kitchen,
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他叫你幫他從廚房倒一杯水，
03:36
and he never got you a glass of water --
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但他永遠不會為你倒上一杯水——
03:39
or if he did, it was like ...
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如果他這麽做了，那會是……
03:43
'you want me to uh ...?'"
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『你想讓我，呃……？』」
03:45
You know, totally begrudging.
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明白吧，毫不情願。
03:48
You wouldn't stand for it.
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你會受不了的。
03:50
But it wasn't always
that boys didn't want to.
that boys didn't want to.
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然而，並不總是男生們自己不願意進行性交。
03:53
It was that girls didn't want them to.
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而是女生們自己不願意與男生們做這樣的事。
03:56
Girls expressed a sense of shame
around their genitals.
around their genitals.
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女孩為她們的生殖器感到羞恥，
03:59
A sense that they were
simultaneously icky and sacred.
simultaneously icky and sacred.
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一種它雖骯髒，卻又神聖的感覺。
04:04
Women's feelings about their genitals
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女人對她們生殖器的看法
04:06
have been directly linked
to their enjoyment of sex.
to their enjoyment of sex.
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直接與她們的性快感相關。
04:10
Yet, Debby Herbenick,
a researcher at Indiana University,
a researcher at Indiana University,
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然而，一位印第安納大學的研究員，
Debby Herbenick 認為
Debby Herbenick 認為
04:13
believes that girls' genital
self-image is under siege,
self-image is under siege,
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女孩對自己生殖器的印象
正在不斷受到詆毀。
正在不斷受到詆毀。
04:18
with more pressure than ever
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承受着前所未有的壓力，
04:20
to see them as unacceptable
in their natural state.
in their natural state.
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認為自然狀態的性器官是不可接受的。
04:24
According to research,
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根據研究，
04:25
about three-quarters of college women
remove their pubic hair -- all of it --
remove their pubic hair -- all of it --
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大約四分之三的大學女生剃除了
她們的陰毛——所有的——
她們的陰毛——所有的——
04:30
at least on occasion,
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剃陰毛的頻繁程度不低於“偶爾”，
並且一半以上的人還經常這麽做。
並且一半以上的人還經常這麽做。
剃陰毛的頻繁程度不低於“偶爾”，
並且一半以上的人還經常這麽做。
並且一半以上的人還經常這麽做。
04:31
and more than half do so regularly.
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04:35
Girls would tell me that hair removal
made them feel cleaner,
made them feel cleaner,
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女孩們告訴我：除毛讓她們更清潔，
04:39
that it was a personal choice.
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這是個私人的選擇。
04:42
Though, I kind of wondered
if left alone on a desert island,
if left alone on a desert island,
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雖然，我有點想知道
如果孤身一人被留在荒島上，
如果孤身一人被留在荒島上，
04:47
if this was how they would
choose to spend their time.
choose to spend their time.
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這會不會就是她們消磨時間的活動？
04:50
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
04:51
And when I pushed further,
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當我更深入地調查時，
04:53
a darker motivation emerged:
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一個更陰暗的動機浮現了：
04:55
avoiding humiliation.
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避免羞恥感。
04:57
"Guys act like they
would be disgusted by it,"
would be disgusted by it,"
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“男生們表現得好像
他們會被它噁心到，”
他們會被它噁心到，”
05:00
one young woman told me.
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一位年輕女生告訴我。
05:02
"No one wants to be
talked about like that."
talked about like that."
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“沒有人想被那樣指指點點。”
05:06
The rising pubic hair removal
reminded me of the 1920s,
reminded me of the 1920s,
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剃除陰毛的流行讓我想起了1920年代，
05:09
when women first started regularly
shaving their armpits and their legs.
shaving their armpits and their legs.
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那時女人們第一次定期地
剃除腋窩和腿部的毛髮。
剃除腋窩和腿部的毛髮。
05:14
That's when flapper dresses
came into style,
came into style,
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那也是直筒低腰連衣裙
開始時髦的時候，
開始時髦的時候，
05:16
and women's limbs were suddenly visible,
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女人們的肢體突然露出來了，
05:19
open to public scrutiny.
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進入了公眾的審視範圍。
05:21
There's a way that I think
that this too is a sign.
that this too is a sign.
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我有理由認為，這也是一個徵兆。
05:24
That a girl's most intimate part
is open to public scrutiny,
is open to public scrutiny,
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一個女孩最親密的部位進入了公眾視野，
05:29
open to critique,
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置於輿論之中，
05:31
to becoming more about
how it looks to someone else
how it looks to someone else
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別人對它的模樣的看法甚至變得
比自己的感覺都更加重要。
比自己的感覺都更加重要。
別人對它的模樣的看法甚至變得
比自己的感覺都更加重要。
比自己的感覺都更加重要。
05:34
than how it feels to her.
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05:38
The shaving trend has sparked
another rise in labiaplasty.
another rise in labiaplasty.
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剃毛的風尚又導致了陰脣整形手術的興起。
05:42
Labiaplasty, which is the trimming
of the inner and outer labia,
of the inner and outer labia,
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陰脣整形手術，能修剪內陰脣和外陰脣，
05:47
is the fastest-growing cosmetic
surgery among teenage girls.
surgery among teenage girls.
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是在年輕女孩們之中快速增長的整形手術。
05:53
It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,
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在2014到2015年之間，它增長了 80 %，
05:57
and whereas girls under 18 comprise
two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,
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18歲以下的女孩竟佔據所有例整形手術的 2 %。
06:01
they are five percent of labiaplasty.
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也是所有例陰脣整形手術的 5 %。
06:05
The most sought-after look, incidentally,
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順便一提，陰脣最受歡迎的模樣是，
06:07
in which the outer labia
appear fused like a clam shell,
appear fused like a clam shell,
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外陰脣合併着，看起來就像蛤殻一樣，
06:11
is called ...
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它被稱為……
06:13
wait for it ...
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等一下……
06:15
"The Barbie."
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“芭比”。
06:16
(Groan)
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（哼哼聲）
06:18
I trust I don't have to tell you
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我应该不用告诉你
06:20
that Barbie is a) made of plastic
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芭比娃娃，
是用塑料做的。是沒有生殖器的。
是用塑料做的。是沒有生殖器的。
芭比娃娃，
是用塑料做的。是沒有生殖器的。
是用塑料做的。是沒有生殖器的。
06:23
and b) has no genitalia.
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06:26
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
06:28
The labiaplasty trend
has become so worrisome
has become so worrisome
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陰脣整容術的風潮令人如此擔憂
06:31
that the American College
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
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以至於美國婦產科醫師協會
06:34
has issued a statement on the procedure,
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對此發表了聲明：
06:37
which is rarely medically indicated,
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它在醫學上是幾乎是不必要的，
06:39
has not been proven safe
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且沒有被證明是安全的。
06:41
and whose side effects
include scarring, numbness, pain
include scarring, numbness, pain
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並且它的副作用包括
疤痕、麻木感、疼痛，
疤痕、麻木感、疼痛，
06:47
and diminished sexual sensation.
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以及被削弱的性感受。
06:50
Now, admittedly,
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如今，不可否認地，
06:52
and blessedly,
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同時也很幸運的是，
06:53
the number of girls involved
is still quite small,
is still quite small,
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被涉及的女孩還比较少。
06:57
but you could see them
as canaries in a coal mine,
as canaries in a coal mine,
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但是你能以她們为警示，
07:00
telling us something important
about the way girls see their bodies.
about the way girls see their bodies.
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她们告诉我们一些重要的信息，
關於女孩如何看待她們身體的。
關於女孩如何看待她們身體的。
07:05
Sara McClellan,
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Sara McClelland,
07:07
a psychologist
at the University of Michigan,
at the University of Michigan,
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一位來自密西根大學的心理學家，
07:09
coined what is my favorite phrase ever
in talking about all of this:
in talking about all of this:
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在談論這些時，
創造了一個至今我最喜歡的詞語：
創造了一個至今我最喜歡的詞語：
07:15
"Intimate justice."
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「性別間的合理性」。
07:18
That's the idea that sex has political,
as well as personal implications,
as well as personal implications,
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它意在說明「性別」具有權力相關的、
以及私人性的影響，
以及私人性的影響，
07:22
just like, who does
the dishes in your house,
the dishes in your house,
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例如，「性別」決定了：在家中，誰是負責做飯的人
誰是負責打掃衛生的人，等等。
誰是負責打掃衛生的人，等等。
例如，「性別」決定了：在家中，誰是負責做飯的人
誰是負責打掃衛生的人，等等。
誰是負責打掃衛生的人，等等。
07:25
or who vacuums the rug.
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07:27
And it raises similar
issues about inequality,
issues about inequality,
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它也引起了相似的問題：不平等、
07:31
about economic disparity,
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經濟差距、
07:33
violence,
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暴力、
07:34
physical and mental health.
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生理和心理健康。
07:37
Intimate justice asks us to consider
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「性別間的合理性」讓我們思考：
07:40
who is entitled
to engage in an experience.
to engage in an experience.
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是誰具有參與性活動的權利？
07:43
Who is entitled to enjoy it?
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是誰具有享受它的權利？
07:46
Who is the primary beneficiary?
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又是誰成了主要的受益者？
07:49
And how does each partner
define "good enough"?
define "good enough"?
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每一位伴侶是怎樣定義「足夠好」的？
07:53
Honestly, I think those questions
are tricky and sometimes traumatic
are tricky and sometimes traumatic
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實話說，我認為這些問題很棘手，
有時成年女性面對它們甚至也會很痛苦，
有時成年女性面對它們甚至也會很痛苦，
實話說，我認為這些問題很棘手，
有時成年女性面對它們甚至也會很痛苦，
有時成年女性面對它們甚至也會很痛苦，
07:58
for adult women to confront,
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08:01
but when we're talking about girls,
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但當我們談及女孩們時，
08:03
I just kept coming back to the idea
that their early sexual experience
that their early sexual experience
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我腦海中總是響起一個聲音：
她們對於「性」的經驗
她們對於「性」的經驗
08:08
shouldn't have to be
something that they get over.
something that they get over.
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不一定非要在較年輕時獲得。
08:13
In her work,
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在 McClelland 的研究中，
08:14
McClellan found that young women
were more likely than young men
were more likely than young men
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她發現年輕女人比起年輕男人
更傾向於根據伴侶的快感來衡量她們自己的性滿意程度。
08:18
to use their partner's pleasure
as a measure of their satisfaction.
as a measure of their satisfaction.
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08:23
So they'd say things like,
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所以她們會說這樣的話：
08:24
"If he's sexually satisfied,
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「如果他獲得了性滿足，
08:26
then I'm sexually satisfied."
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那麽我也獲得了性滿足。」
08:28
Young men were more likely to measure
their satisfaction by their own orgasm.
their satisfaction by their own orgasm.
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年輕男人更傾向於用他們的性高潮
來衡量他們的滿意程度。
來衡量他們的滿意程度。
08:34
Young women also defined
bad sex differently.
bad sex differently.
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年輕女人們各自對於「糟糕的性經歷」
也有着不同的定義。
也有着不同的定義。
08:39
In the largest ever survey
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在至今最大的一場
關於美國人的性行為的調查中，
關於美國人的性行為的調查中，
在至今最大的一場
關於美國人的性行為的調查中，
關於美國人的性行為的調查中，
08:41
ever conducted
on American sexual behavior,
on American sexual behavior,
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08:44
they reported pain
in their sexual encounters
in their sexual encounters
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她們報告說在性接觸中30%的時間都在疼痛。
她們報告說在性接觸中30%的時間都在疼痛。
08:48
30 percent of the time.
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08:51
They also used words like "depressing,"
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她們也用了這樣的詞來描述：「令人沮喪」
08:55
"humiliating,"
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「丟臉」
08:56
"degrading."
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「令人羞恥」。
08:58
The young men never used that language.
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年輕男人絶不會使用這樣的詞語。
09:02
So when young women
report sexual satisfaction levels
report sexual satisfaction levels
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所以當年輕女人報告說她們的性滿意程度
09:05
that are equal to
or greater than young men's --
or greater than young men's --
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與年輕男人相同甚至更高——
09:09
and they do in research --
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她們也的確是如此報告的——
09:11
that can be deceptive.
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這種結論是不靠譜的。
09:13
If a girl goes into an encounter
hoping that it won't hurt,
hoping that it won't hurt,
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如果一個女孩進行一次性接觸，
並希望它不會令人疼痛，
並希望它不會令人疼痛，
09:17
wanting to feel close to her partner
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想要與她的伴侶更親近，
09:19
and expecting him to have an orgasm,
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並且希望他能經歷性高潮，
09:22
she'll be satisfied
if those criteria are met.
if those criteria are met.
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如果以上條件都達到，
她就會很滿意。
她就會很滿意。
09:25
And there's nothing wrong with wanting
to feel close to your partner,
to feel close to your partner,
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想要與你的伴侶更親近，或者希望他開心，
這些并沒有什麽問題。
這些并沒有什麽問題。
想要與你的伴侶更親近，或者希望他開心，
這些并沒有什麽問題，
這些并沒有什麽問題，
09:28
or wanting him to be happy,
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09:29
and orgasm isn't the only
measure of an experience ...
measure of an experience ...
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性高潮也不是衡量
一場性活動的唯一標準……
一場性活動的唯一標準……
09:33
but absence of pain --
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但是想要無疼痛——
09:35
that's a very low bar
for your own sexual fulfillment.
for your own sexual fulfillment.
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這對於衡量你的「性滿足」是一個非常低的標準。
09:41
Listening to all of this
and thinking about it,
and thinking about it,
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傾聽着這些報告，
並加以思索，
並加以思索，
09:43
I began to realize that we performed
a kind of psychological clitoridectomy
a kind of psychological clitoridectomy
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我開始意識到，我們在某種意義上
對美國女孩們實施了心理上的陰蒂切除手術。
對美國女孩們實施了心理上的陰蒂切除手術。
我開始意識到，我們在某種意義上
對美國女孩們實施了心理上的陰蒂切除手術。
對美國女孩們實施了心理上的陰蒂切除手術。
09:48
on American girls.
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09:50
Starting in infancy,
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從出生開始，
09:51
parents of baby boys are more likely
to name all their body parts,
to name all their body parts,
193
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3816
男孩們的父母更有可能會
指出孩子們所有的身體器官的名稱——
指出孩子們所有的身體器官的名稱——
09:55
at least they'll say,
"here's your pee-pee."
"here's your pee-pee."
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最後他們會說，
「這是你的小鷄鷄。」
「這是你的小鷄鷄。」
09:58
Parents of baby girls
go right from navel to knees,
go right from navel to knees,
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3176
女孩們的父母則會從肚臍
直接到膝蓋，
直接到膝蓋，
10:01
and they leave this whole
situation in here unnamed.
situation in here unnamed.
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他們絲毫不會提及身體這一部位的名字。
10:04
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
10:06
There's no better way
to make something unspeakable
to make something unspeakable
198
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3456
要讓某件事物不堪入耳，
沒有比絲毫不提及它更好的方法了。
沒有比絲毫不提及它更好的方法了。
要讓某件事物不堪入耳，
沒有比絲毫不提及它更好的方法了。
沒有比絲毫不提及它更好的方法了。
10:09
than not to name it.
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10:12
Then kids go into
their puberty education classes
their puberty education classes
200
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孩子們接下來開始了她們的青春期教育課，
10:14
and they learn that boys
have erections and ejaculations,
have erections and ejaculations,
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她們知道了男孩們有陰莖的勃起
以及射精等現象，
以及射精等現象，
10:18
and girls have ...
202
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而女孩們則有……
10:20
periods and unwanted pregnancy.
203
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月經以及意外懷孕。
10:24
And they see that internal diagram
of a woman's reproductive system --
of a woman's reproductive system --
204
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她們看到女人的生殖系統的內部結構圖——
10:27
you know, the one that looks
kind of like a steer head --
kind of like a steer head --
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明白吧，那個有點像公牛的頭部——
10:30
(Laughter)
206
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（笑聲）
10:34
And it always grays out between the legs.
207
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結構圖中，雙腿之間總是模糊不清。
10:37
So we never say vulva,
208
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因此我們說不出「外陰部」這種詞，
10:39
we certainly never say clitoris.
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也絶不會說「陰蒂」。
10:42
No surprise,
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毫不意外的是，
10:43
fewer than half
of teenage girls age 14 to 17
of teenage girls age 14 to 17
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在14至17歲之間的年輕女孩之中，
只有一半不到的人曾經進行過自慰。
只有一半不到的人曾經進行過自慰。
在14至17歲之間的年輕女孩之中，
只有一半不到的人曾經進行過自慰。
只有一半不到的人曾經進行過自慰。
10:46
have ever masturbated.
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2000
10:49
And then they go
into their partnered experience
into their partnered experience
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接下來她們開始了與伴侶的性生活，
10:52
and we expect that somehow
they'll think sex is about them,
they'll think sex is about them,
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但此時我們又希望
她們能突然瞭解到，「性」與她們相關，
她們能突然瞭解到，「性」與她們相關，
10:55
that they'll be able to articulate
their needs, their desires, their limits.
their needs, their desires, their limits.
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希望她們能清楚地表達她們的需求，
她們的慾望，她們的局限。
她們的慾望，她們的局限。
11:01
It's unrealistic.
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這是不現實的。
11:04
Here's something, though.
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然而，來聽聽這些吧。
11:06
Girls' investment
in their partner's pleasure remains
in their partner's pleasure remains
218
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女孩為了讓她們的伴侶開心而投入的時間和精力
不會因為伴侶的性別而改變。
不會因為伴侶的性別而改變。
女孩為了讓她們的伴侶開心而投入的時間和精力
不會因為伴侶的性別而改變。
不會因為伴侶的性別而改變。
11:09
regardless of the gender of the partner.
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11:12
So in same-sex encounters,
220
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所以在女生之間的性活動中，
11:14
the orgasm gap disappears.
221
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「orgasm gap 高潮分別」消失了。
11:18
And young women climax
at the same rate as men.
at the same rate as men.
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2800
年輕女人的性高潮頻率也與男人相同。
11:22
Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me
223
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同性戀和雙性戀女孩們會告訴我
11:24
that they felt liberated
to get off the script --
to get off the script --
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跳出常規讓她們感覺自由——
11:27
free to create an encounter
that worked for them.
that worked for them.
225
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能夠自由地開始
令她們感覺良好的性接觸。
令她們感覺良好的性接觸。
11:31
Gay girls also challenged
the idea of first intercourse
the idea of first intercourse
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同性戀女孩同樣也質疑
將「處女狀態」與第一次性交相聯繫的觀念。
將「處女狀態」與第一次性交相聯繫的觀念。
11:35
as the definition of virginity.
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1936
同性戀女孩同樣也質疑
將「處女狀態」與第一次性交相聯繫的觀念。
將「處女狀態」與第一次性交相聯繫的觀念。
11:37
Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,
228
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并不是因為「性交」算不上什麽事，
11:39
but it's worth questioning
why we consider this one act,
why we consider this one act,
229
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但是值得一問的是：
對於這種讓大多數女孩們
對於這種讓大多數女孩們
11:44
which most girls associate
with discomfort or pain,
with discomfort or pain,
230
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感到不適或者疼痛的行為，
11:46
to be the line in the sand
of sexual adulthood --
of sexual adulthood --
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我們為什麽會認為
它是成年人性生活的分水嶺——
它是成年人性生活的分水嶺——
11:50
so much more meaningful,
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比起任何事物來都
更加有意義，更具變化性。
更加有意義，更具變化性。
比起任何事物來都
更加有意義，更具變化性。
更加有意義，更具變化性。
11:51
so much more transformative
than anything else.
than anything else.
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11:55
And it's worth considering
how this is serving girls;
how this is serving girls;
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值得思考的是
它是如何滿足女孩們的需要的；
它是如何滿足女孩們的需要的；
11:59
whether it's keeping them
safer from disease,
safer from disease,
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它是否讓她們生理健康，
遠離疾病、脅迫、背叛與侵犯。
遠離疾病、脅迫、背叛與侵犯。
它是否讓她們生理健康，
遠離疾病、脅迫、背叛與侵犯。
遠離疾病、脅迫、背叛與侵犯。
12:02
coercion, betrayal, assault.
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12:05
Whether it's encouraging
mutuality and caring;
mutuality and caring;
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它是否促進了親密關係以及互相關照；
12:09
what it means about the way
they see other sex acts;
they see other sex acts;
238
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3616
她們看待其他性活動的方式
又意味着什麽？
又意味着什麽？
12:13
whether it's giving them more control over
239
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它是否給了她們在性經歷中
更多的主動權和樂趣？
更多的主動權和樂趣？
它是否給了她們在性經歷中
更多的主動權和樂趣？
更多的主動權和樂趣？
12:15
and joy in their experience,
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對于那些同性戀青少年——
她們可能有多個性伴侶，卻沒有異性間的性活動——
她們可能有多個性伴侶，卻沒有異性間的性活動——
12:17
and what it means about gay teens,
241
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2936
12:20
who can have multiple sex partners
without heterosexual intercourse.
without heterosexual intercourse.
242
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這又意味着什麽？
12:25
So I asked a gay girl that I met,
243
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所以我問一個我認識的同性戀女孩：
12:28
"How'd you know
you weren't a virgin anymore?"
you weren't a virgin anymore?"
244
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2160
「你如何知道自己是否還擁有處子之身呢？」
12:31
She said she had to Google it.
245
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她說她還得問求助於谷歌搜索。
12:33
(Laughter)
246
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（笑聲）
12:35
And Google wasn't sure.
247
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1560
並且谷歌也不能確定。
12:37
(Laughter)
248
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（笑聲）
12:39
She finally decided
that she wasn't a virgin anymore
that she wasn't a virgin anymore
249
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2936
在她與伴侶的第一次性高潮之後，
12:42
after she'd had
her first orgasm with a partner.
her first orgasm with a partner.
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她最終確定她不再是處女。
12:45
And I thought --
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而我想着——
12:47
whoa.
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哇。
12:49
What if just for a second
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如果我們短暫地想象一下，就一下下——
「進行性交」就是「失去處子之身」的解釋？
「進行性交」就是「失去處子之身」的解釋？
如果我們短暫地想象一下，就一下下——
「進行性交」就是「失去處子之身」的解釋？
「進行性交」就是「失去處子之身」的解釋？
12:51
we imagined that was the definition?
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12:55
Again, not because
intercourse isn't a big deal --
intercourse isn't a big deal --
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再一次說明，并不是因為
「性交」算不上什麽事——
「性交」算不上什麽事——
12:57
of course it is --
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呃，它也算啦——
12:59
but it isn't the only big deal,
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但它算不上什麽大事，
13:02
and rather than thinking about sex
as a race to a goal,
as a race to a goal,
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擯棄「『性』是一場奔向目標的賽跑」的想法，
13:06
this helps us reconceptualize it
as a pool of experiences
as a pool of experiences
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它幫助我們重構對於它的觀念，
使它成為一些經歷的集合體，
使它成為一些經歷的集合體，
13:11
that include warmth, affection, arousal,
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包括溫暖、鍾愛、欲火、
13:15
desire, touch, intimacy.
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渴望、觸摸、親密。
13:19
And it's worth asking young people:
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值得向年輕人一問的是：
13:21
who's really the more sexually
experienced person?
experienced person?
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誰才是真正地體驗着性活動的人？
13:25
The one who makes out
with a partner for three hours
with a partner for three hours
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是一個與夥伴親吻愛撫了三個小時、
體驗了肉體上的焦慮、肉體間的溝通的女孩？
體驗了肉體上的焦慮、肉體間的溝通的女孩？
是一個與夥伴親吻愛撫了三個小時、
體驗了肉體上的焦慮、肉體間的溝通的女孩，
體驗了肉體上的焦慮、肉體間的溝通的女孩，
13:28
and experiments with sensual
tension and communication,
tension and communication,
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13:33
or the one who gets wasted at a party
and hooks up with a random
and hooks up with a random
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或者是一個在派對上酩酊大醉的、為了在進入大學前
擺脫「處女」的標籤而相當隨意地進行性接觸的女孩？
擺脫「處女」的標籤而相當隨意地進行性接觸的女孩？
或者是一個在派對上酩酊大醉的、為了在進入大學前
擺脫「處女」的標籤而相當隨意地進行性接觸的女孩？
擺脫「處女」的標籤而相當隨意地進行性接觸的女孩？
13:36
in order to dump their "virginity"
before they get to college?
before they get to college?
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13:41
The only way that shift
in thinking can happen though
in thinking can happen though
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唯一能夠給思想觀念帶來改變的方法是：
13:44
is if we talk to young people
more about sex --
more about sex --
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我們多和年青人談談有關「性」的事——
13:48
if we normalize those discussions,
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如果我們使這些討論變得稀鬆平常，
13:51
integrating them into everyday life,
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將它們融入日常生活中，
13:54
talking about those intimate acts
in a different way --
in a different way --
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以不一樣的方式來談論這些親密舉動——
13:57
the way we mostly have changed
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一種我們大多已經轉變的思維方式，
14:00
in the way that we talk
about women in the public realm.
about women in the public realm.
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一種我們在公共領域談論女性的方式。
14:03
Consider a survey
of 300 randomly chosen girls
of 300 randomly chosen girls
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看一下這份來自荷蘭和美國的大學的調查報告，
14:08
from a Dutch and an American university,
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它來自於隨機抽取的300個女孩。
14:10
two similar universities,
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在兩所相似的大學，
14:12
talking about their early
experience of sex.
experience of sex.
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對女孩們早期的性經歷進行調查。
14:16
The Dutch girls embodied everything
we say we want from our girls.
we say we want from our girls.
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荷蘭女孩身上體現出
我們期待女孩們所具有的一切特質。
我們期待女孩們所具有的一切特質。
14:21
They had fewer negative consequences,
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她們受到更少的負面影響，
14:23
like disease, pregnancy, regret --
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比如疾病、懷孕、懊悔——
14:26
more positive outcomes
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以及更多的益處
14:28
like being able to communicate
with their partner,
with their partner,
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比如能夠與伴侶溝通，
14:30
who they said they knew very well;
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她們表示非常瞭解她們的伴侶；
14:32
preparing for the experience responsibly;
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為性活動做好可靠的措施；
14:35
enjoying themselves.
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享受其中。
14:37
What was their secret?
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她們如此快樂的秘密是什麽？
14:39
The Dutch girls said
that their doctors, teachers and parents
that their doctors, teachers and parents
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荷蘭女孩們說：從小時候開始，
14:44
talked to them candidly,
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她們的醫生、老師和親人
14:45
from an early age,
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就坦誠地與她們交流
14:47
about sex, pleasure
and the importance of mutual trust.
and the importance of mutual trust.
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關於性、快感以及互相信任的重要性。
14:53
What's more,
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並且，
14:54
while American parents weren't necessarily
less comfortable talking about sex,
less comfortable talking about sex,
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與此相對的是，美國家長們在談論「性」時並不自然，
14:59
we tend to frame those conversations
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我們傾向於完全用風險和危害來詆毀這些言論，
我們傾向於完全用風險和危害來詆毀這些言論，
15:02
entirely in terms or risk and danger,
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15:06
whereas Dutch parents talk
about balancing responsibility and joy.
about balancing responsibility and joy.
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荷蘭家長們則教導在責任和樂趣中取得平衡。
15:12
I have to tell you,
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我必須告訴你，
15:13
as a parent myself,
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我作為一個家長，
15:15
that hit me hard,
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這深深打擊了我，
因為我知道，
15:17
because I know,
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15:19
had I not delved into that research,
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如果我沒有深入探究那項研究，
15:22
I would have talked to my own child
about contraception,
about contraception,
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我只會告訴我的孩子關於如何避孕、
15:26
about disease protection,
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關於疾病的防護、
15:27
about consent because I'm a modern parent,
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關於同意男孩的要求，
因為我是一名現代的家長，
因為我是一名現代的家長，
15:30
and I would have thought ...
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並且我會認為……
15:34
job well done.
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我做得不錯。
15:36
Now I know that's not enough.
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現在我知道那是遠遠不夠的。
15:39
I also know what I hope for for our girls.
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我同樣也知道，對於我們的女孩子，
我所期待的是什麽。
我所期待的是什麽。
15:43
I want them to see sexuality
as a source of self-knowledge,
as a source of self-knowledge,
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我希望她們能夠把「性」看成自己的一面鏡子、
創造力的來源、交流與溝通的助力。
創造力的來源、交流與溝通的助力。
我希望她們能夠把「性」看成自己的一面鏡子、
創造力的來源、交流與溝通的助力，
創造力的來源、交流與溝通的助力，
15:48
creativity and communication,
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15:50
despite its potential risks.
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儘管它有潛在的危險。
15:53
I want them to be able
to revel in their bodies' sensuality
to revel in their bodies' sensuality
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我希望她們能夠陶醉在身體的激情之中,
而不是被迫為之。
而不是被迫為之。
我希望她們能夠陶醉在身體的激情之中,
而不是被迫為之。
而不是被迫為之。
15:56
without being reduced to it.
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15:59
I want them to be able
to ask for what they want in bed,
to ask for what they want in bed,
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我希望她們能夠在床上提出自己的索求，
並且得到滿足。
並且得到滿足。
我希望她們能夠在床上提出自己的索求，
並且得到滿足。
並且得到滿足。
16:02
and to get it.
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16:04
I want them to be safe
from unwanted pregnancy,
from unwanted pregnancy,
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我希望她們能夠安全地遠離
意外懷孕、
意外懷孕、
16:08
disease,
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疾病、
16:09
cruelty,
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殘暴、
16:10
dehumanization,
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人性的喪失、
16:12
violence.
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暴力。
16:14
If they are assaulted,
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如果她們受到侵犯，
16:15
I want them to have recourse
from their schools,
from their schools,
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我希望她們能夠獲得應有的支援——
來自她們的學校、
來自她們的學校、
她們的僱主、
16:19
their employers,
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或者來自法庭。
16:20
the courts.
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16:23
It's a lot to ask,
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還有很多要求，
16:25
but it's not too much.
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但也不算太多。
16:27
As parents, teachers,
advocates and activists,
advocates and activists,
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作為父母、老師、倡導者以及活動家，
16:31
we have raised a generation
of girls to have a voice,
of girls to have a voice,
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我們號召了這一代的女孩們
爭取自己的發言權，
爭取自己的發言權，
16:36
to expect egalitarian
treatment in the home,
treatment in the home,
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在家庭中、教室裏、工作場所間，
在家庭中、教室裏、工作場所間，都得到平等的對待，
16:40
in the classroom,
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在家庭中、教室裏、工作場所間，都得到平等的對待，
16:41
in the workplace.
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16:43
Now it's time to demand
that intimate justice
that intimate justice
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在，是時候提出要求了：
私人生活中，
她們也應擁有「性別間的合理性」的權利。
她們也應擁有「性別間的合理性」的權利。
16:48
in their personal lives as well.
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16:51
Thank you.
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謝謝你。
16:53
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Peggy Orenstein - Journalist, authorIn her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women.
Why you should listen
From her pioneering book Schoolgirls to her latest, Girls & Sex, author Peggy Orenstein interviewed young women across the country, mapping the terrain of adolescent female sexuality and gender expectations. Her interviews reveal an uncomfortable truth: although women may display self-confidence in public society, their knowledge of their own sexuality has plummeted, resulting in a “psychological clitoridectomy.”
In addition to her bestselling books, Orenstein writes for New York Times Magazine, comments for NPR and was recognized by the Columbia Journalism Review as among its “40 women who changed the media business in the past 40 years.”
Peggy Orenstein | Speaker | TED.com