ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alyssa Monks - Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface.

Why you should listen

Alyssa Monks blurs the line between abstraction and realism through layering different spaces and moments in her paintings. Using semi-transparent filters of glass, vinyl, steam and water to flip background and foreground in her 10-year water series, she seduced the viewer into shallow spaces. Today, she is imposing a transparent landscape of infinite space over her emotionally evocative subjects.

The tension in her mostly large-scale paintings is sustained not only by the composition but also by the surface treatment itself. Each brushstroke is thickly applied oil paint, like a fossil recording every gesture and decision, expressing the energetic and empathic experience of the handmade object.

Monks's work is represented by Forum Gallery in New York City. She lives and paints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her latest solo exhibition "Resolution" took place March and April of 2016 at Forum Gallery. Monks's paintings have been the subject of numerous solo and group exhibitions including "Intimacy" at the Kunst Museum in Ahlen, Germany and "Reconfiguring the Body in American Art, 1820–2009" at the National Academy Museum of Fine Arts, New York. Her work is represented in public and private collections, including the Savannah College of Arts, the Somerset Art Association, Fullerton College, the Seavest Collection and the collections of Eric Fischl, Howard Tullman, Gerrity Lansing, Danielle Steele, Alec Baldwin and Luciano Benetton.

Born 1977 in New Jersey, Monks began oil painting as a child. She studied at The New School in New York and Montclair State University and earned her B.A. from Boston College in 1999. During this time she studied painting at Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence. She went on to earn her M.F.A from the New York Academy of Art, Graduate School of Figurative Art in 2001. She completed an artist in residency at Fullerton College in 2006 and has lectured and taught at universities and institutions nationwide. She continues to offer workshops and lectures regularly.

Monks has been awarded the Elizabeth Greenshields Foundation Grant for Painting three times and serves as a member of the New York Academy of Art's Board of Trustees.

More profile about the speaker
Alyssa Monks | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxIndianaUniversity

Alyssa Monks: How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection

Alisa Monks (Alyssa Monks): Kako je gubitak pomogao jednoj umetnici da pronađe lepotu u nesavršenosti

Filmed:
1,356,264 views

Slikarka Alisa Monks pronalazi lepotu i inspiraciju u nepoznatom, npredvidljivom, pa čak i u užasnom. U poetičnom, intimnom govoru, ona opisuje interakciju života, boje i platna kroz svoj razvoj kao umetnice i kao ljudskog bića.
- Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
I'm a painterslikar.
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Slikarka sam.
00:14
I make large-scaleвелике figurativeфигуративно paintingsслике,
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Slikam velike figurativne slike,
00:16
whichкоја meansзначи I paintбоје people
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što znači da slikam ljude ovako.
00:18
like this.
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00:20
But I'm here tonightвечерас to tell you
about something personalлични
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Večeras sam ovde
da bih vam pričala o ličnoj stvari
00:23
that changedпромењено my work and my perspectiveперспектива.
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koja je promenila moj rad
i moju tačku gledišta.
00:27
It's something we all go throughкроз,
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To je nešto kroz šta svi prolazimo,
00:29
and my hopeнадати се is that my experienceискуство
mayможе be helpfulкористан to somebodyнеко.
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a ja se nadam da će moje iskustvo
možda nekome biti od pomoći.
00:34
To give you some backgroundбацкгроунд on me,
I grewрастао up the youngestнајмлађе of eightосам.
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Da vam pružim uvid u svoje poreklo,
odrasla sam kao najmlađe od osmoro dece.
00:38
Yes, eightосам kidsклинци in my familyпородица.
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Da, osmoro dece u mojoj porodici.
00:40
I have sixшест olderстарији brothersбраћа and a sisterсестра.
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Imam šestoricu starije braće i sestru.
00:42
To give you a senseсмисао of what that's like,
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Da bih vam približila kako to izgleda,
00:45
when my familyпородица wentотишао on vacationodmor,
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kada je moja porodica išla na odmor,
00:47
we had a busаутобус.
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imali smo autobus.
00:49
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
00:52
My supermomSupermama would driveпогон us all over townГрад
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Moja supermama bi nas vozila
svuda po gradu
00:55
to our variousразни after-schoolvanškolske aktivnosti activitiesактивности --
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na naše razne vanškolske aktivnosti -
00:58
not in the busаутобус.
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ne autobusom.
01:00
We had a regularредовно carауто, too.
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Imali smo i normalan auto.
01:03
She would take me to artуметност classespredavanja,
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Vodila bi me na časove umetnosti,
i to ne samo na jedan ili dva.
01:05
and not just one or two.
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01:07
She tookузела me to everyсваки availableдоступан artуметност classкласа
from when I was eightосам to 16,
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Vodila me je na sve postojeće
časove umetnosti
od moje osme do šesnaeste godine,
01:12
because that's all I wanted to do.
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jer je to sve čime sam želela da se bavim.
01:14
She even tookузела a classкласа with me
in NewNovi YorkYork CityGrad.
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Čak je i pohađala
jedan kurs sa mnom u Njujorku.
01:18
Now, beingбиће the youngestнајмлађе of eightосам,
I learnedнаучио a fewнеколико survivalопстанак skillsвештине.
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Kao najmlađe od osmoro dece, naučila sam
nekoliko veština preživljavanja.
01:21
RulePravilo numberброј one:
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Pravilo broj jedan -
01:23
don't let your bigвелики brotherбрате
see you do anything stupidглупо.
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ne dopustite da vaš stariji brat
vidi kako radite nešto glupo.
01:27
So I learnedнаучио to be quietтихо and neatуредан
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Tako sam naučila da budem tiha i uredna
01:30
and carefulпажљив to followпратити the rulesправила
and stayостани in lineлине.
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i da pazim da sledim pravila
i prilagodim se.
01:33
But paintingсликарство was where I madeмаде the rulesправила.
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Međutim, u slikarstvu
sam ja određivala pravila.
To je bio moj privatni svet.
01:36
That was my privateприватни worldсвет.
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01:39
By 14, I knewзнала I really wanted
to be an artistуметник.
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Do 14. godine sam znala
da zaista želim da budem umetnica.
01:43
My bigвелики planплан was to be a waitressконобарица
to supportподршка my paintingсликарство.
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Moj veliki plan je bio da budem konobarica
da bih mogla da finansiram slikanje.
01:48
So I continuedнаставио honingbrusiti my skillsвештине.
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Nastavila sam da usavršavam svoje veštine.
01:50
I wentотишао to graduateдипломирани schoolшкола
and I got an MFAMFA,
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Pohađala sam postdiplomske studije
i stekla master diplomu lepih umetnosti,
01:52
and at my first solosolo showсхов,
my brotherбрате askedпитао me,
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a na mojoj prvoj samostalnoj izložbi,
brat me je upitao:
01:55
"What do all these redцрвена dotstačke
mean nextследећи to the paintingsслике?"
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„Šta označavaju
te crvene tačke pored slika?“
01:58
NobodyNiko nije was more surprisedизненађени than me.
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Niko se nije više iznenadio od mene.
02:01
The redцрвена dotstačke meantмислио
that the paintingsслике were soldпродат
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Crvene tačke su značile
da su slike prodate
02:04
and that I'd be ableу могуцности to payплатите my rentзакуп
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i da ću moći da platim stanarinu
02:06
with paintingсликарство.
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pomoću slikarstva.
02:08
Now, my apartmentстан
had fourчетири electricalелектрични outletsProdajna mesta,
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Moj stan je imao četiri utičnice
02:11
and I couldn'tније могао use a microwavemikrotalasna
and a toastertoster at the sameисти time,
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i nisam mogla da istovremeno koristim
mikrotalasnu i toster,
02:14
but still, I could payплатите my rentзакуп.
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no, ipak sam mogla da platim kiriju,
02:17
So I was very happyсрећан.
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tako da sam bila veoma srećna.
02:20
Here'sEvo a paintingсликарство
from back around that time.
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Evo slike iz tog vremena.
Bilo mi je potrebno da bude
što je moguće više realistična.
02:23
I neededпотребно it to be
as realisticrealna as possibleмогуће.
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02:25
It had to be specificспецифични and believablerealna.
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Morala je da bude specifična i uverljiva.
02:29
This was the placeместо where I was
isolatedизолован and in totalукупно controlконтрола.
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To je bilo mesto na kome sam bila
izolovana i koje sam potpuno kontrolisala.
02:35
SinceOd then, I've madeмаде a careerкаријера
of paintingсликарство people in waterвода.
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Od tada sam razvila karijeru
slikajući ljude u vodi.
02:39
BathtubsKade and showerspljuskovima were
the perfectсавршен enclosedograđeni environmentЖивотна средина.
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Kade i tuševi su bili
savršeni ograđeni ambijent.
02:43
It was intimateintimni and privateприватни,
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Bilo je intimno i privatno,
02:45
and waterвода was this complicatedкомпликован challengeизазов
that keptчува me busyЗаузет for a decadeдекада.
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a voda je bila složeni izazov
koji me je okupirao čitavu deceniju.
02:49
I madeмаде about 200 of these paintingsслике,
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Naslikala sam oko 200 ovih slika,
02:52
some of them sixшест to eightосам feetстопала,
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od kojih su neke i do 2,5 metra,
02:54
like this one.
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kao što je ova.
02:56
For this paintingсликарство, I mixedпомешан flourбрашно in
with the bathwaterkadi to make it cloudyoblačno
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Za ovu sliku sam pomešala brašno
sa vodom za kupanje da bi bila zamućena,
03:00
and I floatedpluta cookingкухање oilуље on the surfaceповршина
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stavila sam jestivo ulje na površinu
03:03
and stuckзаглавити a girlдевојка in it,
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i umetnula devojku u to,
03:05
and when I litлит it up,
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a kada sam je osvetlela,
03:06
it was so beautifulЛепа
I couldn'tније могао wait to paintбоје it.
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bilo je toliko lepo da nisam mogla
da dočekam da je naslikam.
03:10
I was drivenвођен by this
kindкинд of impulsiveimpulsivan curiosityрадозналост,
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Pokretala me je
ta neka impulsivna radoznalost,
pri čemu sam uvek tražila
da dodam nešto novo:
03:14
always looking for something newново to addдодати:
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03:16
vinylvinil, steamпар, glassстакло.
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vinil, paru, staklo.
03:19
I onceједном put all this VaselineVazelin
in my headглава and hairкоса
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Jednom sam stavila
gomilu vazelina po glavi i kosi
samo da vidim kako bi to izgledalo.
03:22
just to see what that would look like.
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03:25
Don't do that.
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Nemojte to raditi.
03:26
(LaughterSmeh)
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(Smeh)
03:30
So it was going well.
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Dakle, išlo je dobro.
03:31
I was findingпроналажење my way.
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Pronalazila sam svoj put.
03:33
I was eagernestrpljiv and motivatedmotivisani
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Bila sam željna i motivisana,
03:35
and surroundedокружен by artistsуметници,
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okružena umetnicima,
03:37
always going to openingsotvaranja and eventsдогађаји.
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uvek išla na otvaranja i događaje.
03:40
I was havingимати some successуспех and recognitionпризнање
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Doživela sam izvestan uspeh i priznanje
03:43
and I movedпреселила се into an apartmentстан
with more than fourчетири outletsProdajna mesta.
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i preselila se u stan
sa više od četiri utičnice.
Moja mama i ja
bismo ostajale budne do kasno
03:48
My momмама and I would stayостани up very lateкасни
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03:50
talkingпричају about our latestнајновије ideasидеје
and inspiringинспиришући eachсваки other.
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i pričale o svojim najnovijim idejama
i inspirisale jedna drugu.
03:53
She madeмаде beautifulЛепа potterygrnčariju.
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Ona je pravila prelepu grnčariju.
03:56
I have a friendпријатељ namedназван BoBo
who madeмаде this paintingсликарство
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Imam prijatelja po imenu Bo
koji je naslikao sliku
03:59
of his wifeжена and I dancingплес by the oceanокеан,
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na kojoj njegova žena i on
plešu pored okeana,
04:01
and he calledпозвани it "The LightSvetlo YearsGodina."
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i nazvao ju je „Lagane godine“.
04:03
I askedпитао him what that meantмислио, and he said,
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Pitala sam ga šta to znači, a on je rekao:
04:06
"Well, that's when you've steppedзауставио се
into adulthoododraslom dobu, you're no longerдуже a childдете,
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„Pa, to je kada zakoračiš
u odraslo doba, više nisi dete,
04:10
but you're not yetјош увек weighedsvoje mišljenje down
by the responsibilitiesодговорности of life."
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ali još nisi opterećen
životnim obavezama.“
04:15
That was it. It was the lightсветло yearsгодине.
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To je bilo to. Bile su to lagane godine.
04:18
On OctoberOktobra 8, 2011,
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Osmog oktobra 2011. godine,
04:20
the lightсветло yearsгодине cameДошао to an endкрај.
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laganim godinama je došao kraj.
04:22
My momмама was diagnoseddijagnoza with lungплућа cancerрак.
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Moja mama je dobila dijagnozu raka pluća.
04:27
It had spreadширити to her bonesкости,
and it was in her brainмозак.
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Proširio se na njene kosti
i bio je u njenom mozgu.
04:30
When she told me this, I fellпао to my kneesколена.
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Kada mi je to rekla, pala sam na kolena.
04:32
I totallyтотално lostизгубљено it.
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Potpuno sam se izgubila.
04:35
And when I got myselfЈа сам togetherзаједно
and I lookedпогледао at her,
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Kada sam se pribrala i pogledala je,
shvatila sam, ne radi se o meni.
04:38
I realizedреализован, this isn't about me.
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Radi se o pronalaženju načina
da joj pomognem.
04:39
This is about figuringфигуринг out
how to help her.
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04:43
My fatherотац is a doctorдоктор,
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Moj otac je doktor,
04:44
and so we had a great advantageprednost
havingимати him in chargeпуњење,
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tako da smo imali veliku prednost
što je on tu bio glavni,
04:48
and he did a beautifulЛепа jobпосао
takingузимајући careнега of her.
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i odlično se starao o njoj.
04:50
But I, too, wanted to do
everything I could to help,
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I ja sam htela da uradim
sve što mogu da pomognem,
04:53
so I wanted to try everything.
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pa sam htela da sve probam.
04:56
We all did.
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Svi smo hteli.
04:57
I researchedubaciti alternativeалтернатива medicineslekove,
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Istraživala sam alternativnu medicinu,
04:59
dietsdijete, juicing-izmuћavanje, acupunctureakupunktura.
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dijete, pravljenje sokova, akupunkturu.
05:03
FinallyKonačno, I askedпитао her,
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Konačno, pitala sam je:
05:05
"Is this what you want me to do?"
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„Da li to želiš da radim?“
05:07
And she said, "No."
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Rekla je: „Ne.
05:09
She said, "PaceTempo yourselfсами.
I'm going to need you laterкасније."
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Pripremi se. Trebaćeš mi kasnije.“
05:16
She knewзнала what was happeningдогађај,
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Znala je šta se dešava
05:17
and she knewзнала what the doctorsдоктори
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i znala je ono što doktori,
05:19
and the expertsстручњаци
and the internetинтернет didn't know:
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stručnjaci i internet nisu znali -
05:21
how she wanted to go throughкроз this.
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kako je želela da prođe kroz ovo.
05:24
I just neededпотребно to askпитати her.
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Samo je trebalo da je pitam.
Shvatila sam da,
ako pokušavam da popravim stvari,
05:27
I realizedреализован that if I triedПокушали to fixпоправи it,
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05:29
I would missГоспођица it.
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propustiću to.
Stoga sam samo počela da budem uz nju,
05:32
So I just startedпочела to be with her,
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05:34
whateverшта год that meantмислио
and whateverшта год situationситуација cameДошао up,
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šta god to značilo
i kakva god situacija bi naišla,
05:37
just really listen to her.
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samo da je stvarno slušam.
05:40
If before I was resistingOpirao se,
then now I was surrenderingPredaja,
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Ako sam se prethodno opirala,
sada sam se predala,
odustala od pokušaja da kontrolišem
ono što se ne može kontrolisati
05:45
givingдавање up tryingпокушавајући to controlконтрола
the uncontrollablevan kontrole
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05:47
and just beingбиће there in it with her.
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i jednostavno bila sa njom u tome.
05:51
Time slowedusporen down,
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Vreme je usporilo
05:53
and the dateдатум was irrelevantирелевантно.
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i datum je bio nevažan.
05:57
We developedразвијен a routineрутина.
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Razvile smo rutinu.
05:59
EarlyRano eachсваки morningјутро I would crawlпузи
into bedкревет with her and sleepспавај with her.
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Rano svakog jutra bih se uvukla
u njen krevet i spavala sa njom.
Moj brat bi došao na doručak
06:03
My brotherбрате would come for breakfastдоручак
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i bilo bi nam toliko drago
kada bismo čule kako pristiže njegov auto.
06:04
and we'dми смо be so gladдраго ми је to hearчујеш
his carауто comingдолазе up the drivewayprilaz.
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06:07
So I'd help her up and take bothи једно и друго her handsруке
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Pomogla bih joj, uhvatila je za obe ruke
06:11
and help her walkходати to the kitchenкухиња.
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i pomogla joj da hoda do kuhinje.
06:13
She had this hugeогромно mugkrigla she madeмаде
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Imala je ogromnu šolju koju je napravila
06:17
she lovedвољен to drinkпиће her coffeeкафу out of,
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iz koje je volela da pije kafu,
06:19
and she lovedвољен Irishirski sodaсода breadхлеб
for breakfastдоручак.
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i volela je irsku česnicu za doručak.
Nakon toga je sledilo tuširanje
06:23
AfterwardsNakon toga was the showerтуш,
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06:25
and she lovedвољен this partдео.
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i obožavala je taj deo.
06:26
She lovedвољен the warmтопло waterвода,
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Volela je toplu vodu,
06:27
so I madeмаде this as indulgentpopustljiv as I could,
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tako da sam joj u tome ugađala
koliko god sam mogla,
06:31
like a spaspa centar.
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kao da je banja.
06:33
My sisterсестра would help sometimesпонекад.
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Moja sestra bi ponekad pomogla.
06:35
We had warmтопло towelsпешкири
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Imale smo tople peškire
06:37
and slipperspapuče readyспреман immediatelyодмах
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i odmah spremne papuče,
06:39
so she never got coldхладно for a secondдруго.
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tako da joj ne bude hladno ni na sekundu.
06:42
I'd blow-dryisfeniraju her hairкоса.
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Osušila bih joj kosu fenom.
06:45
My brothersбраћа would come in the eveningsvečeri
and bringдовести theirњихова kidsклинци,
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Moja braća bi došla uveče
i dovela svoju decu,
06:48
and that was the highlightIsticanje of her day.
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a to je bio vrhunac dana.
06:51
Over time, we startedпочела to use a wheelchairinvalidska kolica,
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Vremenom smo počeli da koristimo kolica
06:54
and she didn't want to eatјести so much,
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i nije htela toliko da jede,
06:55
and she used the tiniestнајтањи little teacupљoljica
we could find to drinkпиће her coffeeкафу.
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a koristila je najmanju moguću šolju
koju smo mogli naći da pije kafu.
Nisam mogla više da joj pomažem sama,
07:03
I couldn'tније могао supportподршка her myselfЈа сам anymoreвише,
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pa smo unajmili pomoćnicu
da mi pomogne pri tuširanju.
07:05
so we hiredангажован an aidePomoćnik
to help me with the showerspljuskovima.
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07:08
These simpleједноставно dailyдневно activitiesактивности
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Te jednostavne dnevne aktivnosti
07:11
becameпостао our sacredсвето ritualритуал,
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postale su naš sveti ritual
07:13
and we repeatedпоновио them day after day
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i ponavljale smo ih iz dana u dan
07:15
as the cancerрак grewрастао.
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dok je rak rastao.
07:17
It was humblingponizna and painfulболан
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Bilo je to ponižavajuće i bolno
07:19
and exactlyбаш тако where I wanted to be.
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i baš gde sam želela da budem.
07:24
We calledпозвани this time "the beautifulЛепа awfulгрозно."
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Nazivale smo to vreme „prelepa grozota“.
07:28
She diedумро on OctoberOktobra 26, 2012.
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Preminula je 26. oktobra 2012. godine.
07:32
It was a yearгодине and threeтри weeksнедељама
after her diagnosisdijagnoza.
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To je bilo godinu dana i tri nedelje
nakon njene dijagnoze.
07:36
She was goneотишла.
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Iščezla je.
07:41
My brothersбраћа, sisterсестра, and fatherотац and I
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Moja braća, sestra, otac i ja
07:43
all cameДошао togetherзаједно in this
supportiveподршка and attentiveVrlo predusetljiv way.
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bili smo udruženi
na podržavajući i pažljiv način.
07:47
It was as thoughипак our wholeцела familyпородица dynamicдинамичан
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Kao da su čitava naša porodična dinamika
07:49
and all our establishedуспостављен rolesулоге vanishednestao
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i naše uspostavljene uloge nestale
07:51
and we were just
all togetherзаједно in this unknownnepoznat,
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i bili smo svi zajedno u tom nepoznatom,
07:54
feelingОсећај the sameисти thing
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osećajući isto
07:56
and takingузимајући careнега of eachсваки other.
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i starajući se jedno o drugom.
07:59
I'm so gratefulзахвални for them.
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Toliko sam zahvalna na njima.
08:05
As someoneнеко who spendsтроши mostнајвише
of my time aloneсами in a studioстудио workingрад,
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Kao neko ko većinu vremena
provodi sam, radeći u ateljeu,
08:08
I had no ideaидеја that this kindкинд of connectionвеза
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nisam imala pojma da takva povezanost
08:11
could be so importantважно, so healingлечење.
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može biti toliko važna,
toliko isceljujuća.
08:14
This was the mostнајвише importantважно thing.
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To je bila najvažnija stvar.
Bilo je to ono što sam oduvek želela.
08:18
It was what I always wanted.
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08:21
So after the funeralсахрана, it was time
for me to go back to my studioстудио.
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Nakon sahrane, bilo je vreme
da se vratim u svoj atelje.
08:27
So I packedупакован up my carауто
and I droveвозио back to BrooklynBrooklyn,
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Spakovala sam stvari u auto
i dovezla se u Bruklin,
08:30
and paintingсликарство is what I've always doneГотово,
so that's what I did.
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a slikarstvom sam se oduvek bavila,
pa sam to i radila.
08:34
And here'sево what happenedдесило.
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Evo šta se dogodilo.
08:39
It's like a releaseиздање of everything
that was unravelingotkriva in me.
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Bilo je to nekakvo oslobađanje svega
što se odigravalo u meni.
08:45
That safeсигурно, very, very carefullyпажљиво
renderedvizuelizuje safeсигурно placeместо
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To sigurno, veoma pažljivo
uređeno bezbedno mesto
08:50
that I createdстворено in all my other paintingsслике,
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koje sam stvorila na svim drugim slikama,
08:53
it was a mythmit.
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bilo je mit.
08:55
It didn't work.
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Nije funkcionisalo.
08:57
And I was afraidуплашен, because
I didn't want to paintбоје anymoreвише.
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Bila sam uplašena,
jer nisam želela da više slikam.
09:03
So I wentотишао into the woodsšume.
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Tako sam otišla u šumu.
09:04
I thought, I'll try that, going outsideспоља.
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Mislila sam da to pokušam,
da izađem napolje.
09:08
I got my paintsбоје,
and I wasn'tније a landscapeпејзаж painterslikar,
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Uzela sam svoje boje,
a nisam bila slikar pejzaža,
ali zapravo nisam bila
nikakva posebna vrsta slikara,
09:12
but I wasn'tније really
much of any kindкинд of painterslikar at all,
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tako da nisam bila ni za šta vezana,
nisam imala očekivanja,
09:14
so I had no attachmentприлог, no expectationočekivanje,
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09:17
whichкоја allowedдозвољен me to be recklessnemarno and freeбесплатно.
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što mi je omogućavalo
da budem bezbrižna i slobodna.
Zapravo sam ostavila
jednu od ovih vlažnih slika
09:20
I actuallyзаправо left one of these wetmokra paintingsслике
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09:22
outsideспоља overnightпреко ноћи
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napolju preko noći
09:25
nextследећи to a lightсветло in the woodsšume.
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pored svetla u šumi.
09:28
By the morningјутро it was lacqueredLakirano with bugsбугс.
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Do jutra je bila prekrivena bubama.
No, nije me bilo briga.
Nije bilo bitno. To nije bilo bitno.
09:32
But I didn't careнега.
It didn't matterматерија. It didn't matterматерија.
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09:35
I tookузела all these paintingsслике
back to my studioстудио,
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Odnela sam sve te slike nazad u atelje,
09:37
and scrapedogrebao them, and carvedUrezao into them,
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izgrebala sam ih i urezivala u njih,
09:40
and pouredсипао paintбоје thinnertanji on them,
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sipala razređivač boje na nih,
09:42
put more paintбоје on topврх, drewдрев on them.
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stavila još boje na vrhu, crtala po njima.
09:45
I had no planплан,
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Nisam imala plan,
09:47
but I was watchingгледа what was happeningдогађај.
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ali sam posmatrala šta se dešava.
09:50
This is the one with all the bugsбугс in it.
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Ovo je ona sa bubama po sebi.
Nisam pokušavala
da predstavim stvaran prostor.
09:53
I wasn'tније tryingпокушавајући to representзаступати a realправи spaceпростор.
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09:56
It was the chaosхаос and the imperfectionsнесавршености
that were fascinatingфасцинантан me,
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Fascinirali su me haos i nesavršenosti,
10:00
and something startedпочела to happenдесити се.
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i nešto je počelo da se dešava.
10:03
I got curiousрадознао again.
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Ponovo sam postala radoznala.
10:06
This is anotherдруги one from the woodsšume.
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Ovo je još jedna iz šume.
10:10
There was a caveatUpozorenje now, thoughипак.
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Doduše, sada je postojalo ograničenje.
10:12
I couldn'tније могао be controllingконтролисање
the paintбоје like I used to.
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Nisam mogla da kontrolišem boju
kao što sam to nekada činila.
10:15
It had to be about implyingimplicira
and suggestingсугеришући,
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Morala je da nagovešava i ukazuje,
10:18
not explainingобјашњавајући or describingописујући.
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a ne da objašnjava ili opisuje.
10:21
And that imperfectнесавршен,
chaoticхаотичан, turbulentтурбулентно surfaceповршина
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Ta nesavršena, haotična,
turbulentna površina
10:26
is what told the storyприча.
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je bila nosilac priče.
10:30
I startedпочела to be as curiousрадознао
as I was when I was a studentученик.
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Počela sam da postajem radoznala
kao kada sam bila student.
10:34
So the nextследећи thing was I wanted
to put figuresфигуре in these paintingsслике, people,
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Sledeće sam želela da unesem figure
na ove slike, ljude,
10:38
and I lovedвољен this newново environmentЖивотна средина,
211
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i volela sam ovo novo okruženje,
10:39
so I wanted to have
bothи једно и друго people and this atmosphereатмосферу.
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pa sam želela da imam
i ljude i ovu atmosferu.
10:45
When the ideaидеја hitхит me of how to do this,
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Kada sam dobila ideju kako to da uradim,
10:47
I got kindкинд of nauseousmi je muka and dizzyвртоглавица,
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osetila sam nekakvu mučninu i vrtoglavicu,
10:50
whichкоја is really just adrenalineadrenalin, probablyвероватно,
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što je zapravo verovatno samo adrenalin,
10:53
but for me it's a really good signзнак.
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ali je za mene veoma dobar znak.
10:56
And so now I want to showсхов you
what I've been workingрад on.
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Sada želim da vam pokažem
na čemu sam radila.
10:59
It's something I haven'tније shownпоказано yetјош увек,
and it's like a previewPregled, I guessпретпостављам,
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To je nešto što još nisam pokazivala
i predstavlja nešto kao prikaz, rekla bih,
11:03
of my upcomingpredstojeći showсхов,
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moje predstojeće izložbe,
11:05
what I have so farдалеко.
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ono što za sada imam.
11:08
ExpansiveEkspanzivni spaceпростор
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Široki prostor
11:11
insteadуместо тога of the isolatedизолован bathtubкада за купање.
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umesto izolovane kade za kupanje.
11:13
I'm going outsideспоља insteadуместо тога of insideу.
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Idem napolje umesto da sam unutra.
11:17
LooseningOlabavi controlконтрола,
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Popuštanje kontrole,
11:19
savoringuћivajuжi u the imperfectionsнесавршености,
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uživanje u nesavršenostima,
11:21
allowingдозвољавајући the --
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dozvoljavanje -
11:24
allowingдозвољавајући the imperfectionsнесавршености.
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dozvoljavanje nesavršenosti.
11:27
And in that imperfectionnesavršenosti,
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U toj nesavršenosti
11:29
you can find a vulnerabilityрањивост.
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možete naći ranjivost.
11:31
I could feel my deepestдубоко intentionнамера,
what mattersпитања mostнајвише to me,
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Mogla sam da osetim
svoja najdublja stremljenja,
ono što je za mene najznačajnije,
11:38
that humanљудско connectionвеза
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tu ljudsku povezanost
11:40
that can happenдесити се in a spaceпростор
where there's no resistingOpirao se or controllingконтролисање.
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koja se može dogoditi u prostoru
u kome nema opiranja ili kontrolisanja.
11:45
I want to make paintingsслике about that.
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Želela sam da slikam slike u vezi sa tim.
11:50
So here'sево what I learnedнаучио.
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Dakle, evo šta sam naučila.
11:53
We're all going to have
bigвелики lossesгубици in our livesживи,
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Svi ćemo imati velike gubitke u životu,
11:57
maybe a jobпосао or a careerкаријера,
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možda gubitak posla ili karijere,
11:59
relationshipsвезе, love, our youthмлади.
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veze, ljubavi, naše mladosti.
12:03
We're going to loseизгубити our healthздравље,
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Izgubićemo zdravlje,
12:05
people we love.
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ljude koje volimo.
12:08
These kindsврсте of lossesгубици
are out of our controlконтрола.
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Takvi gubici su izvan naše kontrole.
12:10
They're unpredictableнепредвидив,
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Nepredvidljivi su
12:12
and they bringдовести us to our kneesколена.
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i poražavaju nas.
12:15
And so I say, let them.
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Zato kažem - pustite ih.
12:18
FallPad to your kneesколена. Be humbledponizna.
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Padnite na kolena. Budite uniženi.
12:22
Let go of tryingпокушавајући to changeпромена it
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Odustanite od pokušaja da ih izmenite
12:25
or even wantingжелим it to be differentразличит.
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ili čak i od želje da bude drugačije.
12:27
It just is.
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Jednostavno tako jeste.
12:31
And then there's spaceпростор,
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Zatim tu postoji prostor,
12:32
and in that spaceпростор feel your vulnerabilityрањивост,
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a u tom prostoru osetite svoju ranjivost,
12:35
what mattersпитања mostнајвише to you,
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ono što je za vas najznačajnije,
12:37
your deepestдубоко intentionнамера.
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svoja najdublja stremljenja.
12:40
And be curiousрадознао to connectцоннецт
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Budite znatiželjni da se povežete
12:43
to what and who is really here,
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sa stvarima i ljudima koji su zaista ovde,
12:47
awakebudan and aliveжив.
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budni i živi.
12:50
It's what we all want.
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To je ono što svi želimo.
12:52
Let's take the opportunityприлика
to find something beautifulЛепа
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Iskoristimo priliku
da pronađemo nešto lepo
12:56
in the unknownnepoznat, in the unpredictableнепредвидив,
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u nepoznatom, nepredvidljivom,
13:00
and even in the awfulгрозно.
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pa čak i u užasnom.
13:03
Thank you.
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Hvala.
13:04
(ApplauseAplauz)
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(Aplauz)
Translated by Ivana Krivokuća
Reviewed by Tijana Mihajlović

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alyssa Monks - Painter
Alyssa Monks transfers the intimacy and vulnerability of human experience onto a painted surface.

Why you should listen

Alyssa Monks blurs the line between abstraction and realism through layering different spaces and moments in her paintings. Using semi-transparent filters of glass, vinyl, steam and water to flip background and foreground in her 10-year water series, she seduced the viewer into shallow spaces. Today, she is imposing a transparent landscape of infinite space over her emotionally evocative subjects.

The tension in her mostly large-scale paintings is sustained not only by the composition but also by the surface treatment itself. Each brushstroke is thickly applied oil paint, like a fossil recording every gesture and decision, expressing the energetic and empathic experience of the handmade object.

Monks's work is represented by Forum Gallery in New York City. She lives and paints in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Her latest solo exhibition "Resolution" took place March and April of 2016 at Forum Gallery. Monks's paintings have been the subject of numerous solo and group exhibitions including "Intimacy" at the Kunst Museum in Ahlen, Germany and "Reconfiguring the Body in American Art, 1820–2009" at the National Academy Museum of Fine Arts, New York. Her work is represented in public and private collections, including the Savannah College of Arts, the Somerset Art Association, Fullerton College, the Seavest Collection and the collections of Eric Fischl, Howard Tullman, Gerrity Lansing, Danielle Steele, Alec Baldwin and Luciano Benetton.

Born 1977 in New Jersey, Monks began oil painting as a child. She studied at The New School in New York and Montclair State University and earned her B.A. from Boston College in 1999. During this time she studied painting at Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence. She went on to earn her M.F.A from the New York Academy of Art, Graduate School of Figurative Art in 2001. She completed an artist in residency at Fullerton College in 2006 and has lectured and taught at universities and institutions nationwide. She continues to offer workshops and lectures regularly.

Monks has been awarded the Elizabeth Greenshields Foundation Grant for Painting three times and serves as a member of the New York Academy of Art's Board of Trustees.

More profile about the speaker
Alyssa Monks | Speaker | TED.com