TED Salon: Belonging
Casey Gerald: Embrace your raw, strange magic
凯西 · 杰拉尔德: 接受你的原始奇异魔力
Filmed:
Readability: 3.2
1,859,872 views
我们所被教导的生活方式得改变了，凯西 · 杰拉尔德如是说。很多时候，我们将部分自己隐藏起来以融入集体、赢得赞赏、被人接纳。但代价又是什么？在这一鼓舞人心的讲话中，杰拉尔德分享了他为了赢得美国上层社会的成功所做出的个人牺牲，并表明为什么现在是我们带着勇气，以自己的原始、奇异魔力生活的时候。
Casey Gerald - American
Casey Gerald chronicles the current state of the American Dream and explores ways to sustain it for a new generation. Full bio
Casey Gerald chronicles the current state of the American Dream and explores ways to sustain it for a new generation. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
[This talk contains mature content]
0
40
3720
[此演讲含少儿不宜内容]
00:16
My mother called this summer
to stage an intervention.
to stage an intervention.
1
4680
5816
今年夏天，我母亲打电话
来想对我进行干预，
来想对我进行干预，
00:22
She'd come across
a few snippets of my memoir,
a few snippets of my memoir,
2
10520
5976
她偶然看到了我
回忆录中的几段话
回忆录中的几段话
00:28
which wasn't even out yet,
3
16520
1736
这回忆录当时还没出版，
00:30
and she was concerned.
4
18280
1200
她很担忧，
00:33
It wasn't the sex.
5
21040
1696
让她担心的跟不是性取向。
00:34
(Laughter)
6
22760
1776
（笑声）
00:36
It was the language that disturbed her.
7
24560
3120
而是其中的语言。
00:40
For example:
8
28520
1200
例如：
00:43
"I have been so many things
9
31760
2056
“在我充满好奇的旅途中，
00:45
along my curious journey:
10
33840
1720
我曾扮演过许多角色，
00:48
a poor boy, a nigger,
11
36520
2736
一个穷小子，一个黑鬼，
00:51
a Yale man, a Harvard man,
12
39280
2816
一个耶鲁学生，一个哈佛学生，
00:54
a faggot, a Christian,
13
42120
2616
一个基佬，一个基督徒，
00:56
a crack baby, alleged,
14
44760
2096
一个毒品婴儿，一位犯罪嫌疑人，
00:58
the spawn of Satan, the Second Coming,
15
46880
2976
撒旦之子，耶稣再临，
01:01
Casey."
16
49880
1200
凯西，”
01:03
That's just page six.
17
51640
1656
这仅仅是第六页。
01:05
(Laughter)
18
53320
1696
（笑声）
01:07
So you may understand my mother's worry.
19
55040
2040
所以你大概能理解
我母亲的担忧。
我母亲的担忧。
01:10
But she wanted only to make
one small change.
one small change.
20
58840
5016
但是她仅仅是想做
一点小小的改变。
一点小小的改变。
01:15
So she called, and she began,
21
63880
2360
所以她打电话过来，说道，
01:19
"Hey, you are a man.
22
67520
3400
“嘿，你是一个男人。
01:23
You're not a faggot, you're not a punk,
23
71880
2696
你不是个基佬，
不是个小混混，
不是个小混混，
01:26
and let me tell you the difference.
24
74600
1696
让我来告诉你其中的区别。
01:28
You are prominent. You are intelligent.
25
76320
2576
你很杰出，充满智慧。
01:30
You dress well. You know how to speak.
26
78920
1976
你衣冠得体，谈吐不凡。
01:32
People like you.
27
80920
1536
大家都喜欢你。
01:34
You don't walk around
doing your hand like a punk.
doing your hand like a punk.
28
82480
2936
你不像小混混一样甩手
在路上走来走去。
在路上走来走去。
01:37
You're not a vagabond on the street.
29
85440
2336
你不是街上的流浪汉。
01:39
You are an upstanding person
30
87800
2496
你是个正直的人，
01:42
who just happens to be gay.
31
90320
1800
只是碰巧是同性恋。
01:44
Don't put yourself over there
32
92920
2736
当你处在世界的这一边时，
01:47
when you are over here."
33
95680
2120
就不要把自己放在另一边。”
01:51
She thought she'd done me a favor,
34
99480
1640
她以为她帮了我，
01:54
and in a way, she had.
35
102440
1320
在某种程度上，
她确实是帮了我。
她确实是帮了我。
01:56
Her call clarified
what I am trying to do with my life
what I am trying to do with my life
36
104920
6336
她的这通电话理清了
我要在自己的生活中
我要在自己的生活中
02:03
and in my work as a writer,
37
111280
2616
及作为一名作家在工作中
去试着去做的事，
去试着去做的事，
02:05
which is to send one simple message:
38
113920
2800
那就是传递一个简单的信息：
02:09
the way we're taught to live
has got to change.
has got to change.
39
117560
3440
我们所被教导的
生活方式得改变了。
生活方式得改变了。
02:14
I learned this the hard way.
40
122160
2056
我通过一个惨痛的
教训学到了这一点。
教训学到了这一点。
02:16
I was born not on
the wrong side of the tracks,
the wrong side of the tracks,
41
124240
2216
我并非生于一贫二白的轨道边，
02:18
but on the wrong side of a whole river,
42
126480
1975
而是一贫二白的河岸边，
02:20
the Trinity, down in Oak Cliff, Texas.
43
128479
3177
位于德克萨斯州橡树崖
地区的特里尼蒂河。
地区的特里尼蒂河。
02:23
I was raised there
in part by my grandmother
in part by my grandmother
44
131680
2416
在那里我曾被我的奶奶抚养过
02:26
who worked as a domestic,
45
134120
1296
她是一个仆人，
02:27
and by my sister,
46
135440
2096
也被我姐姐抚养过，
02:29
who adopted me
a few years after our mother,
a few years after our mother,
47
137560
3536
她在
02:33
who struggled with mental illness,
48
141120
1976
曾与精神疾病斗争的母亲
02:35
disappeared.
49
143120
1816
失踪几年后收养了我。
02:36
And it was that disappearance,
50
144960
2016
正是
02:39
that began when I was 13
and lasted for five years,
and lasted for five years,
51
147000
3496
在我13岁时开始且持续了
5年的母亲失踪的经历
5年的母亲失踪的经历
02:42
that shaped the person I became,
52
150520
1720
塑造了我之后成为的人，
02:45
the person I later had to unbecome.
53
153200
2640
以及后来我不得不
改正而成为的人。
改正而成为的人。
02:49
Before she left, my mother
had been my human hiding place.
had been my human hiding place.
54
157120
4296
在我母亲失踪之前，
她是我的保护伞。
她是我的保护伞。
02:53
She was the only other person
who seemed as strange as me,
who seemed as strange as me,
55
161440
4696
她是唯独一个有别于其他人，
似乎和我一样奇怪的人，
似乎和我一样奇怪的人，
02:58
beautifully strange,
56
166160
1256
美丽而奇怪，
02:59
some mix of Blanche DuBois
from "A Streetcar Named Desire"
from "A Streetcar Named Desire"
57
167440
3536
有点像《欲望号街车》
里的布兰奇·杜包尔斯，
里的布兰奇·杜包尔斯，
03:03
and a 1980s Whitney Houston.
58
171000
1896
及20世纪80年代的
惠特妮·休斯顿。
惠特妮·休斯顿。
03:04
(Laughter)
59
172920
3256
（笑声）
03:08
I'm not saying she was perfect,
60
176200
1480
我并不是说她是完美的，
03:10
just that I sure benefited
from her imperfections.
from her imperfections.
61
178800
3296
而是说我肯定从她的
不完美中有所收益。
不完美中有所收益。
03:14
And maybe that's what magic is, after all:
62
182120
2656
毕竟，那有可能即是魔法：
03:16
a useful mistake.
63
184800
1320
一个有用的错误。
03:19
So when she began to disappear
for days at a time,
for days at a time,
64
187280
2776
所以当她每次消失好几天时，
03:22
I turned to some magic of my own.
65
190080
1976
我找到了我自己的某种魔法。
03:24
It struck me, as from above,
66
192080
2136
像我母亲的魔法那样，它让我震惊，
03:26
that I could conjure up my mother
just by walking perfectly
just by walking perfectly
67
194240
4176
我可以召唤出我的妈妈，
仅通过完成
仅通过完成
从位于陡峭山坡的小学
03:30
from my elementary school
at the top of a steep hill
at the top of a steep hill
68
198440
3136
03:33
all the way down
to my grandmother's house,
to my grandmother's house,
69
201600
2976
到位于山谷的奶奶家的完美步行。
03:36
placing one foot, and one foot only,
in each sidewalk square.
in each sidewalk square.
70
204600
4600
在完美步行中，我会放一只脚，仅仅
只放一只脚在每一块人行道的方块中。
只放一只脚在每一块人行道的方块中。
03:41
I couldn't let any part of any foot
touch the line between the square,
touch the line between the square,
71
209920
3336
我不能让脚的任何一部分
踩到方块边缘上，
踩到方块边缘上，
03:45
I couldn't skip a square,
72
213280
1336
我不能越过一个方块，
03:46
all the way to the last square
at the last blade of grass
at the last blade of grass
73
214640
3176
一直到挨着一大片草地的
最后一个方块，
最后一个方块，
03:49
that separated our lawn from our driveway.
74
217840
3616
这片草地分开了我们家门
前口的草坪和家门前的公路。
前口的草坪和家门前的公路。
03:53
And I bullshit you not, it worked --
75
221480
3256
我不是在跟你胡扯，
我的魔法起效了——
我的魔法起效了——
03:56
just once though.
76
224760
1200
不过仅有一次。
03:58
But if my perfect walk
could not bring my mother back,
could not bring my mother back,
77
226960
3936
但如果说我的完美步行
没有带回我的母亲，
没有带回我的母亲，
04:02
I found that this approach had other uses.
78
230920
3320
我发现这个方法还有其他用处。
04:07
I found that everyone else
in charge around me
in charge around me
79
235240
2176
我发现身边管制我的人
04:09
loved nothing more than perfection,
80
237440
2040
对于完美、顺从、屈服的喜爱
04:12
obedience, submission.
81
240400
2776
超过其他一切。
04:15
Or at least if I submitted,
they wouldn't bother me too much.
they wouldn't bother me too much.
82
243200
2896
或者说，如果我向他们屈服，
他们就不会怎么烦扰我。
他们就不会怎么烦扰我。
04:18
So I took a bargain
83
246120
2736
所以我给自己定了个协议，
04:20
that I'd later see in a prison,
a Stasi prison in Berlin,
a Stasi prison in Berlin,
84
248880
4336
之后我在一个监狱，柏林的
史塔西监狱，看到这样的协议，
史塔西监狱，看到这样的协议，
04:25
on a sign that read,
85
253240
1456
一个标示牌上写着，
04:26
"He who adapts can live tolerably."
86
254720
3000
“适者生存。”
04:31
It was a bargain that helped ensure
87
259040
1895
正是这个协议确保
04:32
I had a place to stay and food to eat;
88
260959
4137
我有地方可住，有食物可吃；
04:37
a bargain that won me praise
of teachers and kin, strangers;
of teachers and kin, strangers;
89
265120
4296
这个协议让我赢得了
老师、亲人、陌生人的赞赏；
老师、亲人、陌生人的赞赏；
04:41
a bargain that paid off
big time, it seemed,
big time, it seemed,
90
269440
2136
这个协议似乎让我受益无限，
04:43
when one day at 17, a man from Yale
showed up at my high school to recruit me
showed up at my high school to recruit me
91
271600
4616
在我17岁的时候，一个
耶鲁大学的男人来到我的高中招我
耶鲁大学的男人来到我的高中招我
04:48
for Yale's football team.
92
276240
1240
进耶鲁大学的橄榄球队。
04:50
It felt as out of the blue to me then
as it may to you now.
as it may to you now.
93
278240
2960
当时这个消息让我感到意外，
正如你们现在感到意外一样。
正如你们现在感到意外一样。
04:53
The Yale man said -- everybody said --
94
281800
3296
这个男人说道，每个人都说，
04:57
that this was the best thing
that could ever happen to me,
that could ever happen to me,
95
285120
3496
这是发生在我身上
最幸运的一件事，
最幸运的一件事，
05:00
the best thing that could happen
to the whole community.
to the whole community.
96
288640
2656
对我所在的社区而言
发生的最好的一件事。
发生的最好的一件事。
05:03
"Take this ticket, boy," they told me.
97
291320
2560
他们告诉我，“收下这张
通往耶鲁的票。”
通往耶鲁的票。”
05:06
I was not so sure.
98
294840
1200
我不太确定。
05:09
Yale seemed another world entire:
99
297160
2576
耶鲁似乎完全是另一个世界：
05:11
a cold, foreign, hostile place.
100
299760
3680
一个寒冷、陌生、充满敌意的地方。
05:16
On the first day of my recruiting visit,
101
304360
1936
在我访问耶鲁的第一天，
05:18
I texted my sister
an excuse for not going.
an excuse for not going.
102
306320
2136
我给我姐姐发短信，解释
一个不去耶鲁的理由，我说道，
一个不去耶鲁的理由，我说道，
05:20
"These people are so weird."
103
308480
1760
“这些人太古怪了。”
05:23
She replied, "You'll fit right in."
104
311000
3096
她回复道，“那不正适合你吗？”
05:26
(Laughter)
105
314120
2880
（笑声）
05:30
I took the ticket
106
318080
1816
我收下了那张票，
05:31
and worked damn hard to fit right in.
107
319920
2176
费心费力地去马上适应。
05:34
When my freshman advisor warned me
not to wear my fitted hats on campus ...
not to wear my fitted hats on campus ...
108
322120
4296
当我大一的指导老师警告
我别在学校里戴我的棒球帽，
我别在学校里戴我的棒球帽，
05:38
"You're at Yale now. You don't have to
do that anymore," she said.
do that anymore," she said.
109
326440
3720
她说，“你现在在耶鲁，
你没必要戴那种帽子了。”
你没必要戴那种帽子了。”
05:43
I figured, this was just one
of the small prices
of the small prices
110
331280
2896
我想，这是要适应
耶鲁所必须付出
耶鲁所必须付出
05:46
that must be paid to make it.
111
334200
2040
的小带价之一。
05:49
I paid them all, or tried,
112
337280
2896
我付出了或者尝试了所有的代价，
05:52
and sure enough
they seemed to pay me back:
they seemed to pay me back:
113
340200
2736
当然，他们也给了我一定回报：
05:54
made me a leader
on the varsity football team;
on the varsity football team;
114
342960
3336
让我成为橄榄球代表队的领导者，
05:58
got me into a not-so-secret society
115
346320
2416
加入算不上秘密的社团，
06:00
and a job on Wall Street,
and later in Washington.
and later in Washington.
116
348760
2536
得到一份在华尔街的工作，
以及后来在华盛顿的工作。
以及后来在华盛顿的工作。
06:03
Things were going so well
that I figured naturally
that I figured naturally
117
351320
3656
这一切都进展得如此顺利，
以至于我自然而然认为
以至于我自然而然认为
06:07
I should be President
of the United States.
of the United States.
118
355000
2376
我怕是要成为美国总统。
06:09
(Laughter)
119
357400
3176
（笑声）
06:12
But since I was only 24
120
360600
2376
但因为我才24岁，
06:15
and since even presidents
have to start somewhere,
have to start somewhere,
121
363000
2856
因为甚至总统也要
从某一处开始，
从某一处开始，
06:17
I settled instead on a run for Congress.
122
365880
3336
于是我从竞选国会开始。
06:21
Now, this was in the afterglow
of that great 2008 election:
of that great 2008 election:
123
369240
4376
那时，国会选举还在伟大的
2008总统选举后的余晖中，
2008总统选举后的余晖中，
06:25
the election during which
a serious, moderate senator stressed,
a serious, moderate senator stressed,
124
373640
5136
在国会选举中，一位
严肃谦逊的参议员说道，
严肃谦逊的参议员说道，
06:30
"The message you've got to send
more than any other message
more than any other message
125
378800
3856
“你得向外所传播一条比
其他任何都要传播得多的信息，
其他任何都要传播得多的信息，
06:34
is that Barack Obama is just like us."
126
382680
3000
那就是奥巴马就像咱们。”
06:38
They sent that message so well
127
386520
1936
他们传递这条信息如此到位，
06:40
that their campaign became
the gold standard of modern politics,
the gold standard of modern politics,
128
388480
3176
以至于他们的竞选成为了
现代政治的黄金标准，
现代政治的黄金标准，
06:43
if not modern life,
which also seems to demand
which also seems to demand
129
391680
3456
如果不是现代生活的
黄金标准的话，现代政治也
黄金标准的话，现代政治也
06:47
that we each do whatever it takes
to be able to say at the end of our days
to be able to say at the end of our days
130
395160
4696
要求我们每一个人不惜一切代价，
这样在我们最后的日子里可以
这样在我们最后的日子里可以
06:51
with peace and satisfaction,
"I was just like everybody else."
"I was just like everybody else."
131
399880
4536
带着宁静与满意对自己说，
“我只是像其他任何人一样。”
“我只是像其他任何人一样。”
06:56
And this would be my message, too.
132
404440
2680
而我也会这么说。
07:00
So one night, I made one final call
to my prospective campaign manager.
to my prospective campaign manager.
133
408480
5520
于是在一个晚上，我最后
打电话给我的未来的竞选经理。
打电话给我的未来的竞选经理。
07:07
We'd do the things it'd take to win,
but first he had one question:
but first he had one question:
134
415320
4600
我们这么做，我们就
可以赢，但他有一个问题；
可以赢，但他有一个问题；
07:13
"Is there anything I need to know?"
135
421120
1760
“还有其他需要我知道的事情吗？”
07:16
I held the phone and finally said,
136
424240
3376
我拿着手机，最后说道，
07:19
"Well, you should probably know I'm gay."
137
427640
2400
“嗯，你大概应该知道我是同性恋。”
07:23
Silence.
138
431920
1200
一阵沉默，
07:26
"Hmm. I see," he nearly whispered,
139
434560
3816
“嗯，我明白了。”他几乎是在私语，
07:30
as if he'd found a shiny penny
or a dead baby bird.
or a dead baby bird.
140
438400
3736
像他捡到一颗闪亮的1美分
或者一只死去的幼鸟。
或者一只死去的幼鸟。
07:34
(Laughter)
141
442160
1056
（笑声）
07:35
"I'm glad you told me," he continued.
142
443240
2816
“我很高兴你告诉了我，”他继续说道，
07:38
"You definitely didn't make
my job any easier.
my job any easier.
143
446080
2176
“你绝对没把我的
工作变得更简单，
工作变得更简单，
07:40
I mean, you are in Texas.
144
448280
1776
我的意思是，你在德克萨斯州。
07:42
But it's not impossible, not impossible.
145
450080
3080
但是这绝非不可能，绝非不可能。
07:46
But Casey, let me ask you something:
146
454200
1960
但是凯西，我想问你一些事情：
07:49
How are you going to feel when somebody,
say, at a rally, calls you a faggot?
say, at a rally, calls you a faggot?
147
457080
5520
当有人在集会上叫你
基佬时，你是什么感觉？
基佬时，你是什么感觉？
07:55
And let's be real, OK?
148
463520
1440
让我们面对现实，好吗？
07:57
You do understand that somebody
might want to physically harm you.
might want to physically harm you.
149
465720
3480
你要知道会有人想
给你造成身体伤害。
给你造成身体伤害。
08:02
I just want to know:
150
470160
1936
我只是想让你明白：
08:04
Are you really ready for this?"
151
472120
2080
你真的准备好这一切了吗？”
08:07
I wasn't.
152
475720
1736
我没有。
08:09
And I could not understand --
153
477480
3016
并且我无法理解，
08:12
could hardly breathe
154
480520
2856
几乎无法呼吸、
08:15
or think, or say a word.
155
483400
2760
思考、或者说一个字。
08:19
But to be clear:
the boy that I was at that time
the boy that I was at that time
156
487400
2576
需要说明的是：当时的我
08:22
would have leapt
at the chance to be harmed,
at the chance to be harmed,
157
490000
2616
愿意欣然接受被伤害的后果，
08:24
to sacrifice everything,
even life, for a cause.
even life, for a cause.
158
492640
2920
愿意牺牲一切，甚至是
生命，去完成一项伟大事业。
生命，去完成一项伟大事业。
08:28
There was something shocking, though --
159
496840
2696
但是这一过程中有
一点让人感到震惊，
一点让人感到震惊，
08:31
not that there should have been,
but there was --
but there was --
160
499560
2736
让人震惊的不是事物
佯装而有的样子，而是
佯装而有的样子，而是
08:34
in the notion that he might be harmed
for nothing more than being himself,
for nothing more than being himself,
161
502320
4936
想到一个男孩仅因为做
自己而可能会受到伤害，
自己而可能会受到伤害，
08:39
which he had not even tried
to do in the first place.
to do in the first place.
162
507280
2480
而这个男孩并无本意。
08:42
All that he -- all that I --
163
510640
3015
他所--我所--
08:45
had tried to do and be
was what I thought was asked of me.
was what I thought was asked of me.
164
513679
4377
尝试做的事，尝试成为的人
都是我认为别人所要求的。
都是我认为别人所要求的。
08:50
I was prominent for a 24-year-old:
165
518080
3536
对于一个24岁的人
来说，我杰出有望：
来说，我杰出有望：
08:53
intelligent, I spoke well, dressed decent;
I was an upstanding citizen.
I was an upstanding citizen.
166
521640
4440
聪明，谈吐得体，衣着有型；
我是一位正直的公民。
我是一位正直的公民。
08:59
But the bargain I had accepted
could not save me after all,
could not save me after all,
167
527040
4800
但是我曾接受的协议
最后并不能让我免于伤害，
最后并不能让我免于伤害，
09:04
nor can it save you.
168
532960
1200
这个协议也不能让你们免于伤害。
09:07
You may have already learned this lesson,
169
535600
1976
你可能已经吸取了这个教训，
09:09
or you will, regardless of your sexuality.
170
537600
3440
或者说你将来会，
无论你的性取向是什么。
无论你的性取向是什么。
09:13
The queer receives
a concentrated dose, no doubt,
a concentrated dose, no doubt,
171
541840
3936
毫无疑问，酷儿群体
接受了大量这样的协议，
接受了大量这样的协议，
09:17
but repression is a bitter pill
that's offered to us all.
that's offered to us all.
172
545800
4320
但是对自己的压抑是给予
我们每个人的苦涩药片。
我们每个人的苦涩药片。
09:23
We're taught to hide so many parts
of who we are and what we've been through:
of who we are and what we've been through:
173
551640
3656
我们被教导隐藏大部分的
自我以及经历：
自我以及经历：
09:27
our love, our pain, for some, our faith.
174
555320
2840
我们的爱，我们的痛苦，
以及对于有些人我们的信念。
以及对于有些人我们的信念。
09:31
So while coming out
to the world can be hard,
to the world can be hard,
175
559240
2320
所以尽管走出自己的隐藏，
向世界公开自己的身份很困难，
向世界公开自己的身份很困难，
09:34
coming in to all the raw, strange magic
of ourselves can be much harder.
of ourselves can be much harder.
176
562760
4416
但走入并包容自己的
原始、奇异魔法则更艰难。
原始、奇异魔法则更艰难。
09:39
As Miles Davis said, "It takes a long time
to sound like yourself."
to sound like yourself."
177
567200
3960
米勒·大卫曾说，“听起来
像自己要花很长时间。”
像自己要花很长时间。”
09:44
That surely was the case for me.
178
572320
1560
我就是这样的。
09:47
I had my private revelation
that night at 24,
that night at 24,
179
575240
2576
在我24岁的那个晚上
我有了自己的私人启示，
我有了自己的私人启示，
09:49
but mostly went on with my life.
180
577840
2136
这一启示大部分时间
继续存在于我的生活中。
继续存在于我的生活中。
09:52
I went on to Harvard Business School,
started a successful nonprofit,
started a successful nonprofit,
181
580000
4216
我成为了哈佛商学院的一个学生，
开创了一个成功的非营利组织，
开创了一个成功的非营利组织，
09:56
wound up on the cover of a magazine,
on the stage at TED.
on the stage at TED.
182
584240
2936
异常激动地上了杂志封面，
登上了TED的讲台。
登上了TED的讲台。
09:59
(Laughter)
183
587200
1656
（笑声）
10:00
I had achieved, by my late 20s,
184
588880
1576
在我20多岁晚些时候，
我已经达成了
我已经达成了
10:02
about everything
a kid is supposed to achieve.
a kid is supposed to achieve.
185
590480
2440
一个孩子在那时应当实现的一切。
10:06
But I was real cracked up:
186
594360
1320
但是我倍感焦虑：
10:09
not exactly having a nervous breakdown,
but not too far off,
but not too far off,
187
597440
4216
虽不完全是精神崩溃，
但也离那不远了，
但也离那不远了，
10:13
and awful sad either way.
188
601680
1520
同时我也极度悲伤。
10:16
I had never thought of being a writer,
189
604280
2776
我从未想过成为一个作家，
10:19
didn't even read, in earnest,
until I was nearly 23.
until I was nearly 23.
190
607080
3320
直到我快23时，都
从未正经地阅读一本书。
从未正经地阅读一本书。
10:23
But the book business
is about the only industry
is about the only industry
191
611640
2256
但是书本行业是唯独一个
10:25
that will pay you to investigate
your own problems, so --
your own problems, so --
192
613920
2896
付给你钱让你深入
调查自己问题的行业，所以--
调查自己问题的行业，所以--
10:28
(Laughter)
193
616840
3400
（笑声）
10:34
So I decided to give it a try,
194
622800
2160
所以我决定试一试，
10:38
to trace those cracks with words.
195
626000
2960
用文字理清那些焦虑。
10:42
Now, what came out on the page was
about as strange as I felt at that time,
about as strange as I felt at that time,
196
630640
4256
最后写出的书和
我当时感觉的一样奇怪，
我当时感觉的一样奇怪，
10:46
which alarmed some people at first.
197
634920
2856
这本书最开始让有些人感到惊恐。
10:49
A respected writer called
to stage his own intervention
to stage his own intervention
198
637800
2816
一个颇有名誉的作家
在阅读了几篇早期的章节后，
在阅读了几篇早期的章节后，
10:52
after reading a few early chapters,
199
640640
3056
打电话给我做出干涉，
10:55
and he began, much like my mother,
200
643720
3736
像我母亲那样，他说道，
10:59
"Hey, listen.
201
647480
2360
“嘿，听着，
11:02
You've been hired
to write an autobiography.
to write an autobiography.
202
650800
2376
你被雇佣写一部自传，
11:05
It's a straightforward exercise.
203
653200
1856
这是个简单明了的事情，
11:07
It's got a beginning, middle and end,
204
655080
1816
这本书得有开头，发展，和结尾，
11:08
and is grounded in the facts of your life.
205
656920
2496
并且基于你人生中的事实。
11:11
And by the way, there's a great tradition
of autobiography in this country,
of autobiography in this country,
206
659440
3576
并且，这个国家有着
自传的伟大传统，
自传的伟大传统，
11:15
led by people on the margins of society
who write to assert their existence.
who write to assert their existence.
207
663040
5056
这一传统由处于社会边缘，
以写作维护自己存在的人引领。
以写作维护自己存在的人引领。
11:20
Go buy some of those books
and learn from them.
and learn from them.
208
668120
3416
出去买些这样的书，从里面学习吧。
11:23
You're going in the wrong direction."
209
671560
2800
你写的方向是错误的。”
11:27
But I no longer believed
what we are taught --
what we are taught --
210
675680
3496
但我不再相信我们所被教导的——
11:31
that the right direction
is the safe direction.
is the safe direction.
211
679200
2456
“正确方向”是安全的。
11:33
I no longer believed what we are taught --
212
681680
2176
我不再相信我们被教导的——
11:35
that queer lives or black lives
or poor lives are marginal lives.
or poor lives are marginal lives.
213
683880
3496
酷儿人群的生命、黑人生命、
或者穷人的生命是微不足道的。
或者穷人的生命是微不足道的。
11:39
I believed what Kendrick Lamar
says on "Section.80.":
says on "Section.80.":
214
687400
3520
我相信肯德里克·拉马尔
在《Section. 80.》里所唱的那样：
在《Section. 80.》里所唱的那样：
11:43
"I'm not on the outside looking in.
215
691640
3296
“我没在里面看着里面，
11:46
I'm not on the inside looking out.
216
694960
1936
我没在外面看着外面，
11:48
I'm in the dead fucking center
looking around."
looking around."
217
696920
2416
我在他妈该死的中央到处看。”
11:51
(Laughter)
218
699360
1456
（笑声）
11:52
That was the place
219
700840
1976
那就是我
11:54
from which I hoped to work,
220
702840
2176
渴望工作的方向，
11:57
headed in the only direction worth going,
the direction of myself,
the direction of myself,
221
705040
3456
仅朝着一个值得走的方向，
也就是我自己的方向，
也就是我自己的方向，
12:00
trying to help us all
refuse the awful bargains
refuse the awful bargains
222
708520
3856
试图帮助我们拒绝那些
我们被教导承担的可怕协议。
12:04
we've been taught to take.
223
712400
1280
12:06
We're taught to turn ourselves
224
714680
2176
我们被教导把自己
12:08
and our work into little nuggets
that are easily digestible;
that are easily digestible;
225
716880
4056
和自己的工作变成
易于消化的小鸡块；
易于消化的小鸡块；
12:12
taught to mutilate ourselves
so that we make sense to others,
so that we make sense to others,
226
720960
3376
残害改变自己，这样
他人可以认识我们，
他人可以认识我们，
12:16
to be a stranger to ourselves
so the right people might befriend us
so the right people might befriend us
227
724360
3576
和自己做陌生人，这样
正确的人可能会和我们做朋友，
正确的人可能会和我们做朋友，
12:19
and the right schools might accept us,
and the right jobs might hire us,
and the right jobs might hire us,
228
727960
3416
正确的学校可能会接受我们，
正确的工作可能会招纳我们，
正确的工作可能会招纳我们，
12:23
and the right parties might invite us,
229
731400
1856
正确的派对可能会邀请我们，
12:25
and, someday, the right God
might invite us to the right heaven
might invite us to the right heaven
230
733280
3176
并且，某一天，正确的神可能
就会邀请我们去正确的天堂，
就会邀请我们去正确的天堂，
12:28
and close his pearly gates behind us,
231
736480
1976
打开我们后面通往天堂的珍珠大门，
12:30
so we can bow down to Him
forever and ever.
forever and ever.
232
738480
2536
这样我们就可以永永远远向他鞠躬。
12:33
These are the rewards, they say,
233
741040
2416
他们说，这些都是你
12:35
for our obedience:
234
743480
1360
顺从而得到的奖励：
12:37
to be a well-liked holy nugget,
235
745640
2936
做一个人人喜爱的好好先生，
12:40
to be dead.
236
748600
1200
然后死去。
12:42
And I say in return, "No, thank you."
237
750640
3720
于是我对那位作者、对这个世界、
对我的母亲说，“不用了，谢谢你。”
12:47
To the world and to my mother.
238
755480
2760
12:51
Well, to tell you the truth,
239
759520
1376
好吧，说实话，
12:52
all I said was, "OK, Mom,
I'll talk to you later."
I'll talk to you later."
240
760920
2376
我给我妈妈说的是，
“好的，妈妈，我等会儿给你讲。”
“好的，妈妈，我等会儿给你讲。”
12:55
(Laughter)
241
763320
1296
（笑声）
12:56
But in my mind, I said, "No, thank you."
242
764640
3336
但在我心里，我说道，
“不用了，谢谢。”
“不用了，谢谢。”
13:00
I cannot accept her bargain either.
243
768000
3400
我不能接受她给出的协议，
13:04
Nor should you.
244
772280
1200
同样你们也不该。
13:06
It would be easy
for many of us in rooms like this
for many of us in rooms like this
245
774360
4456
在类似于这样的房间里，如果我们
13:10
to see ourselves as safe,
246
778840
2896
认为自己是安全的，
13:13
to keep ourselves over here.
247
781760
2520
把自己留在这个区域里，
一切都会简单很多。
一切都会简单很多。
13:17
We speak well, we dress decent,
248
785520
2976
我们谈吐得体，穿着得当，
13:20
we're intelligent, people like us,
or act like they do.
or act like they do.
249
788520
3920
我们都充满智慧，他人认可我们
至少他们装作那样。
至少他们装作那样。
13:25
But instead, I say that we
should remember Lot's wife.
should remember Lot's wife.
250
793440
4280
但是，我认为我们
应当记住罗德之妻。
应当记住罗德之妻。
13:31
Jesus of Nazareth said it
first to his disciples:
first to his disciples:
251
799200
3176
拿撒勒人耶稣首先对他的信徒说：
13:34
"Remember Lot's wife."
252
802400
2440
“记住罗德之妻。”
13:38
Lot, in case you haven't
read the Bible recently,
read the Bible recently,
253
806240
3376
若你们最近没有读《圣经》，
罗德
罗德
13:41
was a man who set
his family down in Sodom,
his family down in Sodom,
254
809640
3256
和他的家人在所多玛安家，
13:44
in the midst of a wicked society
that God decided he had to destroy.
that God decided he had to destroy.
255
812920
4560
所多玛是一个罪恶之城，
上帝决定要毁灭它。
上帝决定要毁灭它。
13:50
But God, being cruel,
yet still a sap in part,
yet still a sap in part,
256
818280
2736
但是上帝尽管残忍，
还是免不了犯傻的时候，
还是免不了犯傻的时候，
13:53
rushed two angels out to Sodom
to warn Lot to gather up his folks
to warn Lot to gather up his folks
257
821040
4296
派出两个天使去往所多玛，
警告罗德召集他的家人朋友，
警告罗德召集他的家人朋友，
13:57
and get out of Dodge.
258
825360
1200
避而远之。
13:59
Lot heard the angel's warning, but delayed.
259
827480
3296
罗德听闻了天使的警告，
但是却遭耽搁。
但是却遭耽搁。
14:02
They didn't have all day to wait,
so they grabbed Lot's hands
so they grabbed Lot's hands
260
830800
3256
天使没有一整天在罪恶之城等待，
所以他们抓着罗德的手、
所以他们抓着罗德的手、
14:06
and his two daughters' hands,
and his wife's hands,
and his wife's hands,
261
834080
2856
他两个女儿的手、
还有他妻子的手，
还有他妻子的手，
14:08
and hurried them out of Sodom.
262
836960
2056
赶快逃离所多玛。
14:11
And the angels shout,
263
839040
1576
同时天使们大声说道，
14:12
"Escape to the mountain.
Whatever you do, don't look back,"
Whatever you do, don't look back,"
264
840640
3536
“跑到山那边去。无论你
做什么，千万不要回头看，”
做什么，千万不要回头看，”
14:16
just as God starts raining down fire
on Sodom and Gomorrah.
on Sodom and Gomorrah.
265
844200
3936
这个时候，上帝开始降
天火于所多玛与蛾摩拉。
天火于所多玛与蛾摩拉。
14:20
I can't figure out how Gomorrah
got dragged into this.
got dragged into this.
266
848160
2616
我不懂蛾摩拉是怎么
被牵扯到里面去的。
被牵扯到里面去的。
14:22
But Lot and his folks are running,
267
850800
2976
但是罗德和他的家人朋友在逃跑，
14:25
fleeing all that destruction,
268
853800
1656
避开所有的毁灭，
14:27
kicking up dust while the Lord
rains down death,
rains down death,
269
855480
2976
激起尘土，这时上帝
开始降尘土，
开始降尘土，
14:30
and then, for some reason,
Lot's wife looks back.
Lot's wife looks back.
270
858480
5280
然后，出于某个原因，
罗德的妻子回头看了一眼。
罗德的妻子回头看了一眼。
14:36
God turns her into a pillar of salt.
271
864920
2240
上帝把她变成了盐柱。
14:40
"Remember Lot's wife," Jesus says.
272
868600
3680
耶稣说，“记住罗德之妻。”
14:45
But I've got a question:
273
873920
1200
但我有个问题：
14:48
Why does she look back?
274
876600
1200
为什么她要回头望？
14:51
Does she look back because
she didn't want to miss the mayhem,
she didn't want to miss the mayhem,
275
879520
3776
她回头看是因为她
不想错过这场大混乱，
不想错过这场大混乱，
14:55
wanted one last glimpse of a city on fire?
276
883320
2400
想要最后看一眼
城市起火的样子吗？
城市起火的样子吗？
14:59
Does she look back because she wanted
to be sure that her people
to be sure that her people
277
887160
3016
她回头看是因为她
想确定她的家人朋友是否
想确定她的家人朋友是否
15:02
were far enough from danger
to breathe a little easy?
to breathe a little easy?
278
890200
2936
已经离危险足够远，而舒一口气？
15:05
I'm so nosy and selfish sometimes,
those likely would have been my reasons
those likely would have been my reasons
279
893160
3656
有时我会很好管闲事、自私，
上面的推测极有可能是我回头看的理由
上面的推测极有可能是我回头看的理由
15:08
if I'd been in her shoes.
280
896840
1240
如果我遇到她的情况的话。
15:11
But what if something else was going on
with this woman, Lot's wife?
with this woman, Lot's wife?
281
899240
5520
但如果是有其他别的事情
缠着这个女人，罗德的妻子？
缠着这个女人，罗德的妻子？
15:18
What if she could not bear the thought
of leaving those people
of leaving those people
282
906080
5456
万一她不忍心离开城市里的人，
15:23
all alone to burn alive,
283
911560
2616
让他们独自被活生生烧死，
15:26
even for righteousness's sake?
284
914200
1720
即便这一切都是为了正义？
15:28
Isn't that possible?
285
916880
1200
这难道不能可能吗?
15:31
If it is, then this backward glance
of a disobedient woman
of a disobedient woman
286
919360
5176
如果有可能，那么这个不服从
上帝指令的女人往后一瞥的故事
上帝指令的女人往后一瞥的故事
15:36
may not be a cautionary tale after all.
287
924560
2376
最后可能不是一个警示性故事。
15:38
It may be the bravest act
in all the Bible,
in all the Bible,
288
926960
3296
而有可能是《圣经》里
最英勇的行为，
最英勇的行为，
15:42
even braver than the act
that holds the whole Book together,
that holds the whole Book together,
289
930280
2936
可能比凝聚《圣经》
这本书的行为，
这本书的行为，
15:45
the crucifixion.
290
933240
1200
耶稣被钉在十字架上
受刑，更为英勇。
受刑，更为英勇。
15:47
We are told that up on Calvary,
on an old rugged cross,
on an old rugged cross,
291
935080
5096
我们被告之在骷髅地，
在破旧生锈的十字架上，
在破旧生锈的十字架上，
15:52
Jesus gave his life to save everybody:
292
940200
1896
耶稣放弃了他的生命
拯救了每一个人：
拯救了每一个人：
15:54
billions and billions of strangers
for all time to come.
for all time to come.
293
942120
2920
一共救了数百万的陌生人。
15:57
It's a nice thing to do.
294
945840
1856
这是件好事，
15:59
It made him famous, that's for sure.
295
947720
1736
毫无疑问，这也让他出名了。
16:01
(Laughter)
296
949480
1816
（笑声）
16:03
But Lot's wife was killed,
297
951320
2696
但是罗德之妻死了，
16:06
turned into a pillar of salt,
298
954040
2576
变成了一根盐柱，
16:08
all because she could not
turn her back on her friends,
turn her back on her friends,
299
956640
4776
仅因为她无法背叛自己的朋友，
16:13
the wicked men of Sodom,
300
961440
2896
也就是在所多玛的邪恶人类，
16:16
and nobody even wrote
the woman's name down.
the woman's name down.
301
964360
3000
并甚至且没有一个人
记下这个女人的名字。
记下这个女人的名字。
16:20
Oh, to have the courage of Lot's wife.
302
968880
3120
我们要有罗德之妻的勇气。
16:25
That's the kind of courage we need today.
303
973040
3616
今天我们需要这种勇气，
16:28
The courage to put ourselves over there.
304
976680
3416
这种把我们置身于
安全之外的勇气，
安全之外的勇气，
16:32
The courage that says that either
all of us have to be faggots,
all of us have to be faggots,
305
980120
3256
这种勇气赋予我们每一个人自由，
要么我们所有人得是基佬，
要么我们所有人得是基佬，
16:35
or none of us can be faggots,
for any of us to be free.
for any of us to be free.
306
983400
4376
要么我们都不能是基佬。
16:39
The courage to stand
with other vagabonds in the street,
with other vagabonds in the street,
307
987800
4416
这种勇气让我们同街上
其他的流浪者并肩，
其他的流浪者并肩，
16:44
with all the wretched of the earth,
308
992240
2376
同地球上一切的不幸站在一起，
16:46
to form an army of the least of these,
309
994640
2816
用被忽视的少数人群组成一支军队，
16:49
with the faith that from
the naked crust of all we are,
the naked crust of all we are,
310
997480
4336
带着做真实自己的信念，
16:53
we can build a better world.
311
1001840
2320
我们能建设一个更美好的世界。
16:56
Thank you.
312
1004920
1216
谢谢大家。
16:58
(Applause)
313
1006160
4600
（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Casey Gerald - AmericanCasey Gerald chronicles the current state of the American Dream and explores ways to sustain it for a new generation.
Why you should listen
Casey Gerald has witnessed every facet of the American Dream -- from his harrowing childhood in Texas, to his tenure at the heights of America's elite institutions, to his journeys through the cities and towns of the American heartland where he has spent his recent years as cofounder and CEO of MBAs Across America. Now his work as a writer, speaker, and business leader centers on the question: will the American dream survive another generation?
Gerald began his career in economic policy and government innovation at the Center for American Progress, and he has worked as a strategist with startup social ventures such as The Future Project as well as companies like The Neiman Marcus Group.
Born and raised in Dallas, Gerald received an MBA from Harvard Business School, where he delivered the 2014 commencement address, and a BA in Political Science from Yale College. He has been featured on MSNBC, in The New York Times, Financial Times, The Guardian, and he has appeared on the cover of Fast Company, which also named him one of the "Most Creative People in Business." He currently serves on the advisory board of NPR's Generation Listen.
Casey Gerald | Speaker | TED.com