ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Joshua Prager - Journalist
Joshua Prager’s journalism unravels historical secrets -- and his own.

Why you should listen

Joshua Prager writes for publications including Vanity Fair, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, where he was a senior writer for eight years. George Will has described his work as "exemplary journalistic sleuthing."

His new book, 100 Years, is a list of literary quotations on every age from birth to one hundred. Designed by Milton Glaser, the legendary graphic designer who created the I ♥ NY logo, the book moves year by year through the words of our most beloved authors, revealing the great sequence of life.

His first book, The Echoing Green, was a Washington Post Best Book of the Year. The New York Times Book Review called it “a revelation and a page turner, a group character study unequaled in baseball writing since Roger Kahn’s Boys of Summer some three decades ago.”

His second book, Half-Life, describes his recovery from a bus crash that broke his neck. Dr. Jerome Groopman, staff writer at the New Yorker magazine, called it “an extraordinary memoir, told with nuance and brimming with wisdom.

Joshua was a Nieman fellow at Harvard in 2011 and a Fulbright Distinguished Chair at Hebrew University in 2012. He was born in Eagle Butte, South Dakota, grew up in New Jersey, and lives in New York. He is writing a book about Roe v. Wade.

 

More profile about the speaker
Joshua Prager | Speaker | TED.com
TED2013

Joshua Prager: In search of the man who broke my neck

Joshua Prager: 尋找弄斷我脖子的人

Filmed:
1,498,218 views

Joshua Prager 19歲時,一場毀滅性的公車事故令他此後半身不遂。二十年後,他重返以色列,尋找使他人生徹底改變的司機。 在這個關於兩人相見的動人故事中,Prager 深入探索關於天性、教養、自我欺騙和命運的問題。
- Journalist
Joshua Prager’s journalism unravels historical secrets -- and his own. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:18
One year ago, I rented a car汽車 in Jerusalem耶路撒冷
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一年前,我在耶路撒冷租了一輛車
00:21
to go find a man I'd never met會見
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尋找一位素未謀面
00:23
but who had changed my life.
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卻改變我一生的人
00:25
I didn't have a phone電話 number to call to say I was coming未來.
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我沒有對方的電話號碼,不能告知他我即將造訪
00:28
I didn't have an exact精確 address地址,
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我沒有確切地址
00:31
but I knew知道 his name名稱, Abed,
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但我知道他的名字,Abed
00:33
I knew知道 that he lived生活 in a town of 15,000, Kfar的Kfar Kara卡拉,
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我知道他住在一個
人口只有 15,000 的小鎮 Kfar Kara
00:38
and I knew知道 that, 21 years年份 before, just outside this holy city,
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而且我知道21年前,就在這座聖城外
00:43
he broke打破 my neck頸部.
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他弄斷了我的脖子
00:45
And so, on an overcast灰濛蒙 morning早上 in January一月, I headed當家 north
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因此,在一月某個陰霾密佈的早晨,我前往北方
00:49
off in a silver Chevy煩擾 to find a man and some peace和平.
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乘著一輛銀色雪佛蘭
去尋找一名男子和些許平靜
00:54
The road dropped下降 and I exited退出 Jerusalem耶路撒冷.
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道路向前延伸,我離開了耶路撒冷
00:57
I then rounded the very bend彎曲 where his blue藍色 truck卡車,
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接著車子繞過那個轉彎處
那個停著他的藍色卡車的地方
00:59
heavy with four tons of floor地板 tiles瓷磚,
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上面載著四噸重的地磚
01:02
had borne得緊 down with great speed速度 onto the back left corner
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當時那車以極高的速度,從左後方撞向
01:04
of the minibus小巴 where I satSAT.
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我搭的小型公車
01:08
I was then 19 years年份 old.
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當時我19歲
01:10
I'd grown長大的 five inches英寸 and doneDONE some 20,000 pushups俯臥撑
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我長高了5英吋,大約做了兩萬個伏地挺身
01:14
in eight months個月, and the night before the crash緊急,
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就在意外當生之前那八個月中,在車禍前一晚
01:17
I delighted欣喜的 in my new body身體,
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我對自己剛練出的體格十分滿意
01:19
playing播放 basketball籃球 with friends朋友
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五月份時,我曾經徹夜和朋友打籃球
01:21
into the wee凌晨 hours小時 of a May可能 morning早上.
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直到清晨
01:23
I palmed偽稱 the ball in my large right hand,
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我用巨大的右掌將球一把抓住
01:26
and when that hand reached到達 the rim輪緣, I felt invincible不可戰勝的.
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當那隻手碰到籃框時,我感到所向無敵
01:30
I was off in the bus總線 to get the pizza比薩 I'd won韓元 on the court法庭.
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我搭公車出城是為了
去拿我從球場上贏得的披薩
01:34
I didn't see Abed coming未來.
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我沒有預想到Abed的出現
01:36
From my seat座位, I was looking up at a stone town
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當時我從座位上仰視一座山丘上的石城
01:39
on a hilltop山頂, bright in the noontime中午 sun太陽,
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在正午的陽光下閃閃發光
01:42
when from behind背後 there was a great bang,
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此時身後傳來猛烈的撞擊
01:44
as loud and violent暴力 as a bomb炸彈.
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彷彿炸彈爆炸般的巨響和衝力
01:47
My head snapped搶購 back over my red seat座位.
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我的脖子折向紅色座椅後方
01:50
My eardrum鼓膜 blew自爆. My shoes flew off.
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我的鼓膜破裂,我的鞋子飛出
01:53
I flew too, my head bobbing上下擺動 on broken破碎 bones骨頭,
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我也同樣飛出,腦袋在折斷的頸椎上晃動
01:56
and when I landed登陸, I was a quadriplegic四肢癱瘓.
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當我著地時,已成了半身不遂的人
02:00
Over the coming未來 months個月, I learned學到了 to breathe呼吸 on my own擁有,
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接下來幾個月中,我學著靠自己呼吸
02:03
then to sit and to stand and to walk步行,
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然後學著自行坐起、站立、行走
02:06
but my body身體 was now divided分為 vertically垂直.
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但我已無法直起身體
02:08
I was a hemiplegic偏癱, and back home in New York紐約,
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我成了半身不遂的人,我回到紐約的家鄉
02:12
I used a wheelchair輪椅 for four years年份, all through通過 college學院.
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整整四年的大學時光,我都在輪椅上度過
02:16
College學院 ended結束 and I returned to Jerusalem耶路撒冷 for a year.
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大學畢業後,我返回耶路撒冷待了一年
02:20
There I rose玫瑰 from my chair椅子 for good,
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我在那裡逐漸脫離輪椅
02:23
I leaned湊近 on my cane甘蔗, and I looked看著 back,
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藉由手杖行走,我回顧過往
02:25
finding發現 all from my fellow同伴 passengers乘客 in the bus總線
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試著尋找公車上所有乘客
02:28
to photographs照片 of the crash緊急,
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和車禍相關照片
02:31
and when I saw this photograph照片,
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當我看見這張照片時
02:36
I didn't see a bloody血腥 and unmoving body身體.
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眼中所見並非血淋淋而無法動彈的身體
02:39
I saw the healthy健康 bulk of a left deltoid三角肌,
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我看見的是那塊健康的左三角肌
02:43
and I mourned哀悼 that it was lost丟失,
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痛心它已不復存在
02:45
mourned哀悼 all I had not yet然而 doneDONE,
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痛心所有我尚未做過的事
02:48
but was now impossible不可能.
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但現在已不可能做到
02:55
It was then I read the testimony見證 that Abed gave
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就在那時,我讀了Abed於車禍發生後
那天上午提供的證詞
02:58
the morning早上 after the crash緊急,
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就在那時,我讀了Abed於車禍發生後
那天上午提供的證詞
03:00
of driving主動 down the right lane車道 of a highway高速公路 toward Jerusalem耶路撒冷.
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當時他沿著通往耶路撒冷的右側車道前進
03:04
Reading his words, I welled油然而生 with anger憤怒.
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讀完他的證詞後,我滿腔怒火
03:07
It was the first time I'd felt anger憤怒 toward this man,
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這是我第一次對這名男子感到憤怒
03:10
and it came來了 from magical神奇 thinking思維.
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這來自所謂的「神奇式思考」
03:13
On this xeroxed複印的答案 piece of paper,
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在這個版本中
03:15
the crash緊急 had not yet然而 happened發生.
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車禍尚未發生
03:19
Abed could still turn his wheel left
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Abed可以順利左轉
03:21
so that I would see him whoosh by out my window窗口
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因此我能看見他從窗外呼嘯而過
03:24
and I would remain whole整個.
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我得以毫髮無傷
03:27
"Be careful小心, Abed, look out. Slow down."
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「注意,Abed,小心點,放慢速度」
03:31
But Abed did not slow,
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但Abed並未減速
03:33
and on that xeroxed複印的答案 piece of paper, my neck頸部 again broke打破,
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在那個版本中,我的脖子再次折斷
03:37
and again, I was left without anger憤怒.
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再次地,我的怒火逐漸平息
03:41
I decided決定 to find Abed,
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我決定尋找Abed
03:43
and when I finally最後 did,
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當我終於找到他時
03:45
he responded回應 to my Hebrew希伯來語 hello你好 which哪一個 such這樣 nonchalance冷淡,
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他從容不迫地回應我
以希伯來語打的招呼
03:48
it seemed似乎 he'd他會 been awaiting等待 my phone電話 call.
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似乎一直在等我的電話
03:51
And maybe he had.
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或許確實如此
03:53
I didn't mention提到 to Abed his prior driving主動 record記錄 --
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我並未向Abed提起他之前的駕駛記錄
03:56
27 violations違規 by the age年齡 of 25,
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25歲時已有27次違規
04:00
the last, his not shifting his truck卡車 into a low gear齒輪 on that May可能 day —
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最後一次正是五月那場車禍,他的卡車並未減速
04:05
and I didn't mention提到 my prior record記錄 --
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我並未提起我之前的遭遇-
04:07
the quadriplegia四肢癱 and the catheters導管,
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四肢癱瘓、插著導尿管
04:08
the insecurity不安全 and the loss失利
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種種不安和失落
04:11
and when Abed went on about how hurt傷害 he was in the crash緊急,
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當Abed滔滔不絕地訴說
他在車禍中傷得多重時
04:14
I didn't say that I knew知道 from the police警察 report報告
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我並未提起我從警方報告得知
04:16
that he'd他會 escaped逃脫 serious嚴重 injury.
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他並未受到重傷
04:19
I said I wanted to meet遇到.
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我說我想和他見面
04:22
Abed said that I should call back in a few少數 weeks,
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Abed說我不妨幾週後再打電話給他
04:25
and when I did, and a recording記錄 told me
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當我這麼做時,語音訊息告訴我
04:28
that his number was disconnected斷開的,
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這個號碼無法接通
04:30
I let Abed and the crash緊急 go.
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我放下Abed和這場車禍
04:35
Many許多 years年份 passed通過.
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多年過去
04:37
I walked with my cane甘蔗 and my ankle brace支撐 and a backpack背包
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我帶著手杖、護踝和背包
04:41
on trips旅行 in six continents大陸.
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遨遊六大洲
04:44
I pitched傾斜的 overhand上手 in a weekly每週 softball壘球 game遊戲
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我開始在中央公園每週一次的
壘球比賽中嘗試上肩投球
04:47
that I started開始 in Central中央 Park公園,
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我開始在中央公園每週一次的
壘球比賽中嘗試上肩投球
04:50
and home in New York紐約, I became成為 a journalist記者 and an author作者,
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在紐約的家鄉,我成了記者和作家
04:53
typing打字 hundreds數以百計 of thousands數千 of words with one finger手指.
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用一根手指打出成千上萬個字
04:57
A friend朋友 pointed out to me that all of my big stories故事
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某位朋友指出,我所有的作品
04:59
mirrored鏡像 my own擁有, each centering定心 on a life
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都反映出我本身的經歷,每個故事都著重於
05:02
that had changed in an instant瞬間,
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瞬間改變人生的事件
05:04
owing虧欠的, if not to a crash緊急, then to an inheritance遺產,
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因此除了車禍,還有繼承
05:07
a swing搖擺 of the bat蝙蝠, a click點擊 of the shutter快門, an arrest逮捕.
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揮棒、按快門、逮捕
05:10
Each of us had a before and an after.
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每個人都有過去和未來
05:14
I'd been working加工 through通過 my lot after all.
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畢竟我已經歷我的命運
05:17
Still, Abed was far from my mind心神, when last year,
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儘管我逐漸淡忘Abed,直到去年
05:21
I returned to Israel以色列 to write of the crash緊急,
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為了撰寫關於這場車禍的經歷,我重返以色列
05:24
and the book I then wrote, "Half-Life半衰期,"
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當這本著作《Half-Life》
05:27
was nearly幾乎 complete完成 when I recognized認可
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即將完成時,我意識到
05:30
that I still wanted to meet遇到 Abed,
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我仍然想和Abed見面
05:32
and finally最後 I understood了解 why:
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我終於明白其中原因:
05:35
to hear this man say two words: "I'm sorry."
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我想聽這個人說兩個字:抱歉
05:40
People apologize道歉 for less.
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人們會為更微不足道的事道歉
05:43
And so I got a cop警察 to confirm確認 that Abed still lived生活
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因此我向一名警察確認,Abed仍住在
05:46
somewhere某處 in his same相同 town,
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原本那個小鎮某處
05:48
and I was now driving主動 to it with a potted盆栽 yellow黃色 rose玫瑰 in the back seat座位,
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這次我開車前往,後座放了一盆黃玫瑰
05:51
when suddenly突然 flowers花卉 seemed似乎 a ridiculous荒謬 offering.
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此時我突然覺得鮮花
似乎是一份荒謬至極的禮物
05:55
But what to get the man who broke打破 your fucking他媽的 neck頸部?
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但你還能帶什麼
給弄斷你該死的脖子的人?
05:59
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
06:03
I pulled into the town of Abu阿布 Ghosh戈什,
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我駛進Abu Ghosh鎮
06:05
and bought a brick of Turkish土耳其 delight:
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買了一塊土耳其軟糖
06:07
pistachios開心果 glued膠合 in rosewater玫瑰香水. Better.
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帶著玫瑰花香的開心果口味。這好多了
06:11
Back on Highway高速公路 1, I envisioned設想 what awaited期待已久.
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我駛回1號高速公路
想像等待我的會是什麼
06:15
Abed would hug擁抱 me. Abed would spit at me.
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Abed或許會擁抱我
Abed或許會朝我吐口水
06:19
Abed would say, "I'm sorry."
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Abed或許會說,「抱歉」
06:23
I then began開始 to wonder奇蹟, as I had many許多 times before,
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接著我開始想像
如同曾經浮現過無數次的想法
06:26
how my life would have been different不同
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我的人生將有何不同?
06:27
had this man not injured受傷 me,
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如果這個人不曾使我受傷
06:29
had my genes基因 been fed美聯儲 a different不同 helping幫助 of experience經驗.
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如果我曾經擁有不同經歷
06:32
Who was I?
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我會是什麼樣的人?
06:35
Was I who I had been before the crash緊急,
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我會是車禍之前那個我嗎?
06:37
before this road divided分為 my life like the spine脊柱 of an open打開 book?
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在那條道路彷彿攤開書本的書脊般
將我的人生一分為二之前?
06:42
Was I what had been doneDONE to me?
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我是否是過往經歷的產物?
06:44
Were all of us the results結果 of things doneDONE to us, doneDONE for us,
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是否世上每個人都是過往經歷的產物?
06:48
the infidelity不忠 of a parent or spouse伴侶,
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例如父母的離異或配偶的不忠
06:51
money inherited遺傳?
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或繼承的財產?
06:53
Were we instead代替 our bodies身體, their inborn先天 endowments捐贈 and deficits赤字?
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是否塑造我們的
並非身體和與生俱來的天賦及缺陷?
06:57
It seemed似乎 that we could be nothing more than genes基因 and experience經驗,
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彷彿我們僅是遺傳和經驗的產物
07:00
but how to tease out the one from the other?
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但如何分辨其中差異?
07:03
As Yeats葉芝 put that same相同 universal普遍 question,
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如葉慈曾經提出的概念問題
07:06
"O body身體 swayed動搖 to music音樂, o brightening增亮 glance一瞥,
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「喔,隨著音樂搖曳的身體喔,閃亮的眼神」
07:09
how can we know the dancer舞蹈家 from the dance舞蹈?"
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「我們如何區分舞者與舞蹈?」
07:16
I'd been driving主動 for an hour小時
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我開了一小時的車
07:18
when I looked看著 in my rearview後視鏡 mirror鏡子 and saw my own擁有 brightening增亮 glance一瞥.
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當我望向後照鏡時,看見自己閃亮的眼神
07:22
The light my eyes眼睛 had carried攜帶的 for as long as they had been blue藍色.
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眼中的光芒從出生就已存在
07:25
The predispositions傾向 and impulses衝動 that had propelled推進的 me
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天性和衝動驅使我
07:28
as a toddler幼兒 to try and slip over a boat into a Chicago芝加哥 lake,
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像個蹣跚學步的孩子般
試圖從船上撲進芝加哥某個湖中
07:31
that had propelled推進的 me as a teen青少年
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驅使我彷彿青少年般
07:33
to jump into wild野生 Cape Cod鱈魚 Bay after a hurricane颶風.
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在颶風後跳入波濤洶湧的鱈魚角
07:37
But I also saw in my reflection反射
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但我也從鏡中倒影看見
07:40
that, had Abed not injured受傷 me,
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如果Abed不曾使我受傷
07:42
I would now, in all likelihood可能性, be a doctor醫生
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現在我很可能成為一位醫生
07:45
and a husband丈夫 and a father父親.
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一位丈夫、一位父親
07:48
I would be less mindful銘記 of time and of death死亡,
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我不會那麼在意時間和死亡
07:51
and, oh, I would not be disabled,
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喔,我也不會殘廢
07:53
would not suffer遭受 the thousand slings吊索 and arrows箭頭 of my fortune幸運.
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不會遭受無數坎坷的命運
07:56
The frequent頻繁 furl捲起之物 of five fingers手指, the chips芯片 in my teeth
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不時蜷起的五指、齒縫間的碎片
07:59
come from biting尖刻 at all the many許多 things
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來自大部分我咬過的東西
08:01
a solitary hand cannot不能 open打開.
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一隻無法張開的手
08:04
The dancer舞蹈家 and the dance舞蹈 were hopelessly絕望地 entwined纏繞.
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舞者和舞蹈永遠無法合而為一
08:09
It was approaching接近 11 when I exited退出 right
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當我駛出通往Afula的交流道時,將近11點
08:11
toward Afula阿富拉, and passed通過 a large quarry採石場
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經過一座大採石場後
08:14
and was soon不久 in Kfar的Kfar Kara卡拉.
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很快就抵達Kfar Kara
08:16
I felt a pang of nerves神經.
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我感到一陣緊張
08:18
But Chopin肖邦 was on the radio無線電, seven beautiful美麗 mazurkas瑪祖卡,
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但收音機裡正播放蕭邦的樂曲
七首美妙的馬祖卡舞曲
08:22
and I pulled into a lot by a gas加油站 station
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我駛入某個加油站旁的停車場
08:25
to listen and to calm冷靜.
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仔細聆聽,試著恢復平靜
08:28
I'd been told that in an Arab阿拉伯 town,
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我聽說在阿拉伯小鎮裡
08:30
one need only mention提到 the name名稱 of a local本地
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只要提起當地人的名字
08:32
and it will be recognized認可.
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必定有人認識
08:35
And I was mentioning Abed and myself,
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我說明Abed和我的關係
08:37
noting注意 deliberately故意 that I was here in peace和平,
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強調我來此並無惡意
08:39
to the people in this town,
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對這座小鎮的居民
08:41
when I met會見 Mohamed穆罕默德 outside a post崗位 office辦公室 at noon中午.
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正午時分,我在郵局外遇見Mohamed
08:44
He listened聽了 to me.
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他聽我訴說來意
08:47
You know, it was most often經常 when speaking請講 to people
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你們知道大多數情況下,當我向人們訴說
08:50
that I wondered想知道 where I ended結束 and my disability失能 began開始,
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我想知道我之前的人生終止於何處
我的殘疾從何而來
08:54
for many許多 people told me what they told no one else其他.
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許多人會告訴我一些
他們不曾告訴任何人的事
08:56
Many許多 cried哭了.
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許多人潸然淚下
08:59
And one day, after a woman女人 I met會見 on the street did the same相同
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某天,我在街上遇到的一名女子
表現出同樣反應後
09:01
and I later後來 asked her why,
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我問她為何流淚
09:03
she told me that, best最好 she could tell, her tears眼淚
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她告訴我,她認為
09:05
had had something to do with my being存在 happy快樂 and strong強大,
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她是為了我的樂觀和堅強流淚
09:09
but vulnerable弱勢 too.
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還有我的脆弱
09:11
I listened聽了 to her words. I suppose假設 they were true真正.
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聽了她的話之後,我認為確實如此
09:14
I was me,
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我依然是我
09:16
but I was now me despite儘管 a limp跛行,
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但已成了現在的我,儘管身有殘疾
09:18
and that, I suppose假設, was what now made製作 me, me.
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我想這正是使我成為現在的我的原因
09:22
Anyway無論如何, Mohamed穆罕默德 told me
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總之,Mohamed告訴我
09:24
what perhaps也許 he would not have told another另一個 stranger陌生人.
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或許他不會告訴其他陌生人的事
09:27
He led me to a house of cream奶油 stucco灰泥, then drove開車 off.
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他將帶我到一棟奶油色房子前,然後驅車離開
09:31
And as I satSAT contemplating考慮 what to say,
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當我坐在車上,思考該說什麼時
09:33
a woman女人 approached接近 in a black黑色 shawl披肩 and black黑色 robe長袍.
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一位穿著黑色披肩和黑色罩袍的女子走向我
09:37
I stepped加強 from my car汽車 and said "Shalom沙洛姆,"
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我走下車,開口說「Shalom(平安,猶太招呼語)」
09:39
and identified確定 myself,
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然後自我介紹
09:41
and she told me that her husband丈夫 Abed
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她說她丈夫Abed
09:43
would be home from work in four hours小時.
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將在4小時後下班回家
09:46
Her Hebrew希伯來語 was not good, and she later後來 confessed供認不諱
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她的希伯來語不太好,之後她坦承
09:48
that she thought that I had come to install安裝 the Internet互聯網.
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她以為我是來裝網路的
09:51
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
09:55
I drove開車 off and returned at 4:30,
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我驅車離開,於四點半返回
09:58
thankful感謝 to the minaret尖塔 up the road
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感謝路旁的尖塔
09:59
that helped幫助 me find my way back.
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幫助我找到返回的路
10:02
And as I approached接近 the front面前 door,
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當我走向前門時
10:04
Abed saw me, my jeans牛仔褲 and flannel絨布 and cane甘蔗,
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Abed看見了我,我的牛仔褲、法蘭絨上衣和手杖
10:07
and I saw Abed, an average-looking長相一般 man of average平均 size尺寸.
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我也看見了Abed
一名相貌普通、中等身材的男子
10:12
He wore穿著 black黑色 and white白色: slippers拖鞋 over socks襪子,
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他穿著黑白色系服裝:拖鞋內穿著襪子
10:15
pilling起球 sweatpants運動褲, a piebald sweater毛線衣,
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起毛球的運動褲、黑白相間的毛衣
10:17
a striped條紋 ski滑雪 cap pulled down to his forehead前額.
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蓋住前額的條紋滑雪帽
10:21
He'd他會 been expecting期待 me. Mohamed穆罕默德 had phoned打電話給.
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他知道我要來,Mohamed已打電話通知他
10:23
And so at once一旦, we shook震撼 hands, and smiled笑笑,
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因此我們立刻握手、微笑致意
10:27
and I gave him my gift禮品,
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我把禮物遞給他
10:29
and he told me I was a guest客人 in his home,
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他說我是他的貴賓
10:31
and we satSAT beside one another另一個 on a fabric couch長椅.
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我們並肩坐在布質沙發上
10:34
It was then that Abed resumed恢復 at once一旦
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Abed立刻開始繼續講述
10:37
the tale故事 of woe榮辱與共 he had begun開始 over the phone電話
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他16年前於電話中
未曾說完的悲慘故事
10:39
16 years年份 before.
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他16年前於電話中
未曾說完的悲慘故事
10:42
He'd他會 just had surgery手術 on his eyes眼睛, he said.
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他說他的眼睛剛動過手術
10:45
He had problems問題 with his side and his legs too,
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他的身側和大腿也有毛病
10:47
and, oh, he'd他會 lost丟失 his teeth in the crash緊急.
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喔,他在那場車禍中失去了牙齒
10:50
Did I wish希望 to see him remove去掉 them?
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我是否想看他拿下假牙?
10:53
Abed then rose玫瑰 and turned轉身 on the TV電視
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然後Abed站起身來,打開電視
10:55
so that I wouldn't不會 be alone單獨 when he left the room房間,
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希望他離開房間時我不會感到孤單
10:58
and returned with polaroids拍立得 of the crash緊急
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返回時,他拿著那場車禍的拍立得相片
11:00
and his old driver's司機 license執照.
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和他的舊駕照
11:03
"I was handsome英俊," he said.
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「我以前很帥,」他說
11:07
We looked看著 down at his laminated層壓 mug.
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我們低頭看著那張佈滿摺痕的舊相片
11:09
Abed had been less handsome英俊 than substantial大量的,
220
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Abed從來就稱不上帥
11:12
with thick black黑色 hair頭髮 and a full充分 face面對 and a wide neck頸部.
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濃密的黑髮、飽滿的圓臉和粗壯的脖子
11:16
It was this youth青年 who on May可能 16, 1990,
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就是這個年輕人,在1990年5月16日
11:19
had broken破碎 two necks脖子 including包含 mine,
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弄斷了兩個人的脖子,包括我在內
11:21
and bruised傷痕累累 one brain and taken採取 one life.
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使一個人腦部受傷,奪去一條生命
11:25
Twenty-one二十一 years年份 later後來, he was now thinner更薄 than his wife妻子,
225
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21年後的今天,他比妻子還瘦
11:27
his skin皮膚 slack鬆弛 on his face面對,
226
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皮膚鬆垮地垂在臉上
11:29
and looking at Abed looking at his young年輕 self,
227
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看看眼前的Abed,再看看年輕時的他
11:32
I remembered記得 looking at that photograph照片 of my young年輕 self
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我想起車禍後看見自己年輕時照片的感覺
11:34
after the crash緊急, and recognized認可 his longing渴望.
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明白了他的渴望
11:38
"The crash緊急 changed both of our lives生活," I said.
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「那場車禍改變了我們兩人的生命,」我說
11:43
Abed then showed顯示 me a picture圖片 of his mashed搗碎 truck卡車,
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然後Abed讓我看他撞爛的卡車照片
11:45
and said that the crash緊急 was the fault故障 of a bus總線 driver司機
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2588
說那場車禍是左車道那位公車司機的錯
因為他不肯讓路
11:48
in the left lane車道 who did not let him pass通過.
233
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3173
說那場車禍是左車道那位公車司機的錯
因為他不肯讓路
11:51
I did not want to recap概括 the crash緊急 with Abed.
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我不想和Abed重提那場車禍
11:54
I'd hoped希望 for something simpler簡單:
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我期待的是某些更簡單的事:
11:56
to exchange交換 a Turkish土耳其 dessert甜點 for two words and be on my way.
236
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4805
用土耳其軟糖換兩個字,然後走人
12:00
And so I didn't point out that in his own擁有 testimony見證
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2589
因此我並未指出車禍後
那天上午他所說的證詞中
12:03
the morning早上 after the crash緊急,
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2046
因此我並未指出車禍後
那天上午他所說的證詞中
12:05
Abed did not even mention提到 the bus總線 driver司機.
239
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2385
Abed甚至不曾提及那名公車司機
12:07
No, I was quiet安靜. I was quiet安靜 because I had not come for truth真相.
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是的,我默不作聲
因為我並非為了尋求真相而來
12:11
I had come for remorse悔恨.
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我是為了他的悔意而來
12:14
And so I now went looking for remorse悔恨
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2156
因此我繼續尋找這份悔意
12:16
and threw truth真相 under the bus總線.
243
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2285
讓真相埋葬在那輛公車下
12:18
"I understand理解," I said, "that the crash緊急 was not your fault故障,
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「我瞭解,」我說「那場車禍不是你的錯」
12:21
but does it make you sad傷心 that others其他 suffered遭遇?"
245
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「但你是否為其他人的遭遇感到難過?」
12:26
Abed spoke three quick words.
246
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2395
Abed很快地說出幾個字
12:28
"Yes, I suffered遭遇."
247
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3792
「是的,我很難過」
12:32
Abed then told me why he'd他會 suffered遭遇.
248
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然後Abed告訴我為何他感到難過
12:35
He'd他會 lived生活 an unholy邪惡 life before the crash緊急,
249
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車禍前,他一直過著放蕩的生活
12:38
and so God had ordained受戒 the crash緊急,
250
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2329
因此上帝降下這場車禍
12:40
but now, he said, he was religious宗教, and God was pleased滿意.
251
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3823
但現在,他說他有了信仰,上帝感到喜悅
12:44
It was then that God intervened干預:
252
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就在這時,上帝的身影浮現:
12:47
news新聞 on the TV電視 of a car汽車 wreck破壞 that hours小時 before
253
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2774
電視播出一則新聞:一場幾小時前發生的車禍
12:50
had killed殺害 three people up north.
254
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使三名前往北方的人喪命
12:53
We looked看著 up at the wreckage殘骸.
255
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我們看著畫面上的汽車殘骸
12:55
"Strange奇怪," I said.
256
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「真巧,」我說
12:58
"Strange奇怪," he agreed約定.
257
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「真巧,」Abed附和
13:01
I had the thought that there, on Route路線 804,
258
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我腦海裡浮現一個想法:在804公路上
13:04
there were perpetrators肇事者 and victims受害者,
259
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2130
有肇事者與受害者
13:06
dyads二人組合 bound by a crash緊急.
260
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因一場車禍產生聯繫
13:08
Some, as had Abed, would forget忘記 the date日期.
261
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有些人,如Abed,或許忘了另一方
13:10
Some, as had I, would remember記得.
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有些人,如我,依然記得
13:13
The report報告 finished and Abed spoke.
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新聞播報完畢後,Abed開口
13:16
"It is a pity可憐," he said, "that the police警察
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「很遺憾,」他說
「我國警方對差勁的駕駛不夠嚴厲」
13:19
in this country國家 are not tough強硬 enough足夠 on bad drivers司機."
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4894
「很遺憾,」他說
「我國警方對差勁的駕駛不夠嚴厲」
13:24
I was baffled困惑.
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我困惑不已
13:27
Abed had said something remarkable卓越.
267
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Abed說了出人意料的話
13:29
Did it point up the degree to which哪一個 he'd他會 absolved免除 himself他自己 of the crash緊急?
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難道是為了強調這場車禍錯不在他嗎?
13:33
Was it evidence證據 of guilt有罪, an assertion斷言
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難道是內疚的表現
13:35
that he should have been put away longer?
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認為他應該多關幾年?
13:37
He'd他會 served提供服務 six months個月 in prison監獄, lost丟失 his truck卡車 license執照 for a decade.
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他在監獄裡待了六個月
卡車駕照被吊銷十年
13:41
I forgot忘記 my discretion慎重.
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我忘了原本的謹慎
13:43
"Um, Abed," I said,
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「呃,Abed,」我說
13:46
"I thought you had a few少數 driving主動 issues問題 before the crash緊急."
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「我想車禍前你已經有一些駕駛上的問題」
13:50
"Well," he said, "I once一旦 went 60 in a 40."
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「喔,」他說「我曾經在速限40的情況下開到60」
13:54
And so 27 violations違規 --
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因此,27次違規-
13:58
driving主動 through通過 a red light, driving主動 at excessive過多 speed速度,
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闖紅燈、超速行駛
14:01
driving主動 on the wrong錯誤 side of a barrier屏障,
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開上逆向車道
14:03
and finally最後, riding騎術 his brakes剎車 down that hill爬坡道 --
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最後踩著剎車衝下山
14:05
reduced減少 to one.
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濃縮成輕描淡寫的一句話
14:07
And it was then I understood了解 that no matter how stark與之形成鮮明 the reality現實,
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此時,我領悟到,無論事實多麼明顯
14:10
the human人的 being存在 fits適合 it into a narrative敘述 that is palatable可口.
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人們總會將它美化成合理的故事
14:14
The goat山羊 becomes the hero英雄. The perpetrator肇事者 becomes the victim受害者.
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壞人成了英雄,犯罪者成了受害者
14:18
It was then I understood了解 that Abed would never apologize道歉.
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此時,我領悟到,Abed永遠不會道歉
14:24
Abed and I satSAT with our coffee咖啡.
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Abed和我坐著喝咖啡
14:28
We'd星期三 spent花費 90 minutes分鐘 together一起,
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我們一起度過90分鐘
14:30
and he was now known已知 to me.
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現在我已瞭解他的為人
14:33
He was not a particularly尤其 bad man
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他並非壞透頂的惡棍
14:35
or a particularly尤其 good man.
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亦非急公好義的大善人
14:37
He was a limited有限 man
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他只是一個見識淺薄的人
14:40
who'd誰願意 found發現 it within himself他自己 to be kind to me.
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認為應該對我釋出善意
14:43
With a nod點頭 to Jewish猶太 custom習慣,
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他以猶太禮節向我點頭致意
14:44
he told me that I should live生活 to be 120 years年份 old.
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祝我活到120歲
14:48
But it was hard for me to relate涉及 to one who had
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但對我來說,很難與某個
14:50
so completely全然 washed his hands of his own擁有 calamitous災難性的 doing,
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如此徹底與自己造成的悲劇
撇清關係的人套交情
14:53
to one whose誰的 life was so unexamined渾渾噩噩 that he said
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這個渾渾噩噩過生活的人,他說
14:58
he thought two people had died死亡 in the crash緊急.
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他以為有兩個人死於這場車禍
15:05
There was much I wished希望 to say to Abed.
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我有很多話想對Abed說
15:08
I wished希望 to tell him that, were he to acknowledge確認 my disability失能,
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我想問他是否能體會我的殘疾
15:12
it would be okay,
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那沒什麼
15:14
for people are wrong錯誤 to marvel奇蹟
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人們總是對像我這樣
面帶笑容的殘障人士做出錯誤解讀
15:16
at those like me who smile微笑 as we limp跛行.
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人們總是對像我這樣
面帶笑容的殘障人士做出錯誤解讀
15:19
People don't know that they have lived生活 through通過 worse更差,
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人們不知道
他們曾經歷過更悲慘的遭遇
15:23
that problems問題 of the heart hit擊中 with a force greater更大 than a runaway逃跑 truck卡車,
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內心的衝擊比一輛失控的卡車嚴重得多
15:27
that problems問題 of the mind心神 are greater更大 still,
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心理問題甚至更加嚴重
15:29
more injurious, than a hundred broken破碎 necks脖子.
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更加傷人,勝於一百個斷了的脖子
15:33
I wished希望 to tell him that what makes品牌 most of us who we are
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我想告訴他
塑造我們大多數人的主要因素
15:36
most of all
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我想告訴他
塑造我們大多數人的主要因素
15:38
is not our minds頭腦 and not our bodies身體
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並非我們的思想、我們的身體
15:40
and not what happens發生 to us,
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亦非我們的遭遇
15:42
but how we respond響應 to what happens發生 to us.
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而是如何面對我們的遭遇
15:45
"This," wrote the psychiatrist心理醫生 Viktor Frankl弗蘭克爾,
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精神病專家Viktor Frankl曾說
15:47
"is the last of the human人的 freedoms自由:
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1817
「這是人類最後的自主權:」
15:49
to choose選擇 one's那些 attitude態度 in any given特定 set of circumstances情況."
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「在任何特定情況下選擇自己的態度」
15:54
I wished希望 to tell him that not only paralyzersparalyzers
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我想告訴他,不僅是癱瘓者
15:57
and paralyzeesparalyzees must必須 evolve發展, reconcile調和 to reality現實,
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3871
和致人癱瘓者必須向前邁進,接受事實
16:01
but we all must必須 --
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1977
每個人都必須如此-
16:03
the aging老化 and the anxious and the divorced離婚 and the balding禿頭
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4886
年老者、憂慮者、離婚者、禿頭者
16:07
and the bankrupt破產者 and everyone大家.
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破產者,乃至每個人
16:11
I wished希望 to tell him that one does not have to say
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2605
我想告訴他,我們不該說
16:14
that a bad thing is good,
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2016
壞事是好事
16:16
that a crash緊急 is from God and so a crash緊急 is good,
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車禍是上帝賜予的,因此車禍是好事
16:19
a broken破碎 neck頸部 is good.
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脖子斷了是好事
16:20
One can say that a bad thing sucks,
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3260
你可以說壞事令人痛恨
16:23
but that this natural自然 world世界 still has many許多 glories輝煌.
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但世上還有很多美好的事
16:28
I wished希望 to tell him that, in the end結束, our mandate要求 is clear明確:
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5026
最後,我想告訴他
我們的使命十分明確:
16:33
We have to rise上升 above以上 bad fortune幸運.
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我們必須從厄運中站起
16:36
We have to be in the good and enjoy請享用 the good,
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3026
我們必須處於好的狀態,並樂在其中
16:39
study研究 and work and adventure冒險 and friendship友誼 -- oh, friendship友誼 --
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學習和工作、冒險和友誼-喔,友誼-
16:45
and community社區 and love.
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夥伴,和愛
16:49
But most of all, I wished希望 to tell him
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但最重要的是,我想告訴他
16:51
what Herman赫爾曼 Melville梅爾維爾 wrote,
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2369
Herman Melville(美國作家)所說的
16:54
that "truly to enjoy請享用 bodily身體 warmth熱情,
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「欲真正體會身體的溫暖」
16:57
some small part部分 of you must必須 be cold,
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「你的某部分必須是寒冷的」
17:00
for there is no quality質量 in this world世界
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「因為世上沒有所謂的標準」
17:02
that is not what it is merely僅僅 by contrast對比."
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「一切都只是相對問題」
17:05
Yes, contrast對比.
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2441
是的,相對
17:08
If you are mindful銘記 of what you do not have,
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如果你意識到不曾擁有的事物
17:10
you may可能 be truly mindful銘記 of what you do have,
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或許能真正體會已擁有的事物
17:13
and if the gods are kind, you may可能 truly enjoy請享用 what you have.
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如果上帝是仁慈的
你或許能真正享受所擁有的一切
17:17
That is the one singular單數 gift禮品 you may可能 receive接收
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這是一份你能獲得的禮物
17:20
if you suffer遭受 in any existential存在 way.
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當你遭受任何形式的苦難時
17:23
You know death死亡, and so may可能 wake喚醒 each morning早上
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意識到死亡的存在,才能在每天早上醒來時
17:25
pulsing脈動 with ready準備 life.
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感受到生命的脈動
17:27
Some part部分 of you is cold,
345
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1595
你的某部分感到寒冷
17:28
and so another另一個 part部分 may可能 truly enjoy請享用 what it is to be warm,
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其他部分才能真正體會何謂溫暖
17:32
or even to be cold.
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或何謂寒冷
17:35
When one morning早上, years年份 after the crash緊急,
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車禍發生數年後的某個早晨
17:37
I stepped加強 onto stone and the underside下側 of my left foot腳丫子
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我踏上一塊石頭,我的左腳底
17:40
felt the flash of cold, nerves神經 at last awake甦醒,
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感到一股寒意,我的神經終於恢復知覺
17:43
it was exhilarating令人振奮, a gust陣風 of snow.
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這令人精神一振,彷彿突如其來的一場風雪
17:48
But I didn't say these things to Abed.
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但我沒有告訴Abed這些
17:52
I told him only that he had killed殺害 one man, not two.
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我只告訴他,他害死了一個人,不是兩個
17:56
I told him the name名稱 of that man.
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我告訴他那個人的名字
18:01
And then I said, "Goodbye再見."
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然後說,「再見」
18:05
Thank you.
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謝謝
18:07
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
18:13
Thanks謝謝 a lot.
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十分感謝
18:16
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
Translated by illusion Hung
Reviewed by Juliana So

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Joshua Prager - Journalist
Joshua Prager’s journalism unravels historical secrets -- and his own.

Why you should listen

Joshua Prager writes for publications including Vanity Fair, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, where he was a senior writer for eight years. George Will has described his work as "exemplary journalistic sleuthing."

His new book, 100 Years, is a list of literary quotations on every age from birth to one hundred. Designed by Milton Glaser, the legendary graphic designer who created the I ♥ NY logo, the book moves year by year through the words of our most beloved authors, revealing the great sequence of life.

His first book, The Echoing Green, was a Washington Post Best Book of the Year. The New York Times Book Review called it “a revelation and a page turner, a group character study unequaled in baseball writing since Roger Kahn’s Boys of Summer some three decades ago.”

His second book, Half-Life, describes his recovery from a bus crash that broke his neck. Dr. Jerome Groopman, staff writer at the New Yorker magazine, called it “an extraordinary memoir, told with nuance and brimming with wisdom.

Joshua was a Nieman fellow at Harvard in 2011 and a Fulbright Distinguished Chair at Hebrew University in 2012. He was born in Eagle Butte, South Dakota, grew up in New Jersey, and lives in New York. He is writing a book about Roe v. Wade.

 

More profile about the speaker
Joshua Prager | Speaker | TED.com