ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Meg Jay - Clinical psychologist
In her book "The Defining Decade," Meg Jay suggests that many twentysomethings feel trivialized during what is actually the most transformative — and defining — period of our adult lives.

Why you should listen

Lately it feels as if 25 is just a bit too young to get serious. In her psychology practice, and her book The Defining Decade, clinical psychologist Meg Jay suggests that many twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation about what Time magazine calls the "Me Me Me Generation." The rhetoric that "30 is the new 20," she suggests, trivializes what is actually the most transformative period of our adult lives.
 
Drawing from more than ten years of work with hundreds of twentysomething clients and students, Jay weaves science together with compelling, behind-closed-doors stories. The result is a provocative, poignant read that shows us why, far from being an irrelevant downtime, our twenties are a developmental sweetspot that comes only once.  Our twenties are a time when the things we do -- and the things we don’t do -- will have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

Jay is a clinical psychologist who specializes in adult development, and in twentysomethings in particular. She is an assistant clinical professor at the University of Virginia and maintains a private practice in Charlottesville, Virginia.  She spent her own early twentysomething years as an Outward Bound instructor.

More profile about the speaker
Meg Jay | Speaker | TED.com
TED2013

Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20

Meg Jay: 二十歲的人生不能等到三十才開始

Filmed:
11,119,401 views

臨床心理學家 Meg Jay 提供二十歲的新世代年輕人一則大膽的訊息:不同於一般觀點,你的二十歲人生並非無足輕重的十年。Jay在這場引人入勝的演講中說,儘管婚姻、工作及孩子是之後的事,不代表你不能現在就開始規劃。她提出三項建議,告訴二十多歲的年輕人該如何掌握人生中決定性的十年。
- Clinical psychologist
In her book "The Defining Decade," Meg Jay suggests that many twentysomethings feel trivialized during what is actually the most transformative — and defining — period of our adult lives. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
When I was in my 20s,
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二十多歲時
00:14
I saw my very first psychotherapy心理治療 client客戶.
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我見到我第一位心理治療病患
00:18
I was a Ph博士.D. student學生 in clinical臨床 psychology心理學 at Berkeley伯克利.
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我當時是柏克萊大學臨床心理學博士生
00:21
She was a 26-year-old-歲 woman女人 named命名 Alex亞歷克斯.
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她是名叫Alex的26歲女子
00:26
Now Alex亞歷克斯 walked into her first session會議
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Alex第一次前來會談時
00:28
wearing穿著 jeans牛仔褲 and a big slouchy懶散的 top最佳,
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穿著牛仔褲和寬大上衣
00:30
and she dropped下降 onto the couch長椅 in my office辦公室
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她一屁股坐在我辦公室的沙發上
00:33
and kicked off her flats公寓
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踢掉她的平底鞋
00:34
and told me she was there to talk about guy problems問題.
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告訴我她想談談她和男人的問題
00:38
Now when I heard聽說 this, I was so relieved安心.
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聽見這句話時,我感到如釋重負
00:42
My classmate同學 got an arsonist縱火犯 for her first client客戶.
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因為我同學的第一位病人是個縱火犯
00:46
(Laughter笑聲)
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(笑聲)
00:47
And I got a twentysomething二十多歲 who wanted to talk about boys男孩.
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我的不過是想聊聊男人的年輕女子
00:52
This I thought I could handle處理.
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我以為我能搞定這件事
00:55
But I didn't handle處理 it.
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事實卻不然
00:57
With the funny滑稽 stories故事 that Alex亞歷克斯 would bring帶來 to session會議,
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聽著Alex在會談中所說的有趣故事
00:59
it was easy簡單 for me just to nod點頭 my head
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對我來說十分輕鬆,只需點頭
01:01
while we kicked the can down the road.
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避而不談真正的問題
01:04
"Thirty's三十年代 the new 20," Alex亞歷克斯 would say,
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「三十歲不就是再活一次二十歲嘛」Alex說
01:06
and as far as I could tell, she was right.
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就我當時的想法,她說的沒錯
01:09
Work happened發生 later後來, marriage婚姻 happened發生 later後來,
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工作、結婚都是之後的事
01:11
kids孩子 happened發生 later後來, even death死亡 happened發生 later後來.
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孩子是之後的事,甚至死亡也是之後的事
01:15
Twentysomethings二十多歲 like Alex亞歷克斯 and I had nothing but time.
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像 Alex 和我這樣二十歲世代的年輕人,有的是時間
01:20
But before long, my supervisor pushed me
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但不久後,指導教授催促我
01:23
to push Alex亞歷克斯 about her love life.
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督促 Alex 積極面對她的戀愛關係
01:26
I pushed back.
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我不以為然
01:27
I said, "Sure, she's dating約會 down,
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我說,「沒錯,她有固定約會對象」
01:30
she's sleeping睡眠 with a knucklehead博傻,
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「她和一個蠢蛋上床」
01:33
but it's not like she's going to marry結婚 the guy."
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「但不代表她會和那個傢伙結婚」
01:36
And then my supervisor said,
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於是指導教授說
01:38
"Not yet然而, but she might威力 marry結婚 the next下一個 one.
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「目前是如此,但或許她會和下一個蠢蛋結婚」
01:42
Besides除了, the best最好 time to work on Alex'sAlex的 marriage婚姻
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「此外,Alex 經營婚姻的最佳時機」
01:46
is before she has one."
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「就是在她結婚前」
01:50
That's what psychologists心理學家 call an "Aha!" moment時刻.
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這就是心理學家所謂的「啊哈!」時刻
01:53
That was the moment時刻 I realized實現, 30 is not the new 20.
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那一刻,我領悟到你無法等到三十歲,再重頭過二十歲的生活
01:56
Yes, people settle解決 down later後來 than they used to,
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沒錯,人們比以往更晚成家立業
01:59
but that didn't make Alex'sAlex的 20s a developmental發展的 downtime停機.
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但不代表 Alex 的二十歲是她的發展停滯期
02:03
That made製作 Alex'sAlex的 20s a developmental發展的 sweet spot,
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而是 Alex 的最佳發展時機
02:07
and we were sitting坐在 there blowing it.
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我們卻坐視這段時光白白流逝
02:10
That was when I realized實現 that this sort分類 of benign良性 neglect忽略
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此時我才明白善意的忽視
02:14
was a real真實 problem問題, and it had real真實 consequences後果,
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確實是個問題,而且會有嚴重的後果
02:18
not just for Alex亞歷克斯 and her love life
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不僅對 Alex 和她的愛情生活來說如此
02:20
but for the careers職業生涯 and the families家庭 and the futures期貨
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對所有二十歲世代年輕人的
02:23
of twentysomethings二十多歲 everywhere到處.
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事業、家庭和未來亦然
02:27
There are 50 million百萬 twentysomethings二十多歲
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目前美國有五千萬名
02:29
in the United聯合的 States狀態 right now.
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二十歲世代人口
02:31
We're talking about 15 percent百分 of the population人口,
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大約佔總人口的15%
02:35
or 100 percent百分 if you consider考慮
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或者說100%,如果考慮到
02:38
that no one's那些 getting得到 through通過 adulthood成年
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任何邁入成年期的人
02:40
without going through通過 their 20s first.
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都曾經歷過二十多歲這個年紀
02:43
Raise提高 your hand if you're in your 20s.
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現場二十多歲的請舉手
02:45
I really want to see some twentysomethings二十多歲 here.
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我非常希望在現場見到二十多歲的聽眾
02:47
Oh, yay好極了! Y'all's你們是 awesome真棒.
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太好了!你們都棒極了
02:49
If you work with twentysomethings二十多歲, you love a twentysomething二十多歲,
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如果你和二十歲世代年輕人共事
你或是你的交往對象二十多歲
02:53
you're losing失去 sleep睡覺 over twentysomethings二十多歲, I want to see —
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或者是你非常關心二十歲世代
我想知道你們在哪-
02:56
Okay. Awesome真棒, twentysomethings二十多歲 really matter.
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好,棒極了
二十歲的這個世代真的很重要
03:00
So I specialize專攻 in twentysomethings二十多歲 because I believe
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因此我專門研究二十歲這個世代
03:04
that every一切 single one of those 50 million百萬 twentysomethings二十多歲
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因為我認為這五千萬名二十多歲年輕人中的每一位
03:08
deserves值得 to know what psychologists心理學家,
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都該知道心理學家
03:11
sociologists社會學家, neurologists神經學家 and fertility生育能力 specialists專家
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社會學家、神經學家及生育專家
03:15
already已經 know:
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都知道的事
03:17
that claiming自稱 your 20s is one of the simplest簡單,
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二十歲的這個世代是最單純
03:20
yet然而 most transformative變革, things you can do
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也最具可塑性的階段
03:23
for work, for love, for your happiness幸福,
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對工作、愛情和幸福來說
03:25
maybe even for the world世界.
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也許甚至對全世界來說
03:28
This is not my opinion意見. These are the facts事實.
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這並非我個人的觀點,而是事實
03:33
We know that 80 percent百分 of life's人生 most defining確定 moments瞬間
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我們知道,人生中 80% 最具決定性的時刻
03:36
take place地點 by age年齡 35.
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發生於35歲前
03:39
That means手段 that eight out of 10 of the decisions決定
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這意味著10個中有8個
03:42
and experiences經驗 and "Aha!" moments瞬間
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塑造你人生的決定、經歷
03:45
that make your life what it is
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和「啊哈!」時刻
03:47
will have happened發生 by your mid-中-30s.
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發生於30歲中旬前
03:50
People who are over 40, don't panic恐慌.
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超過40歲的人別慌
03:52
This crowd人群 is going to be fine, I think.
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我想在座的各位應該沒問題
03:55
We know that the first 10 years年份 of a career事業
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我們知道一份職業的最初十年
03:58
has an exponential指數 impact碰撞
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有舉足輕重的影響
04:00
on how much money you're going to earn.
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對你未來的收入而言
04:02
We know that more than half of Americans美國人
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我們知道半數以上的美國人
04:04
are married已婚 or are living活的 with or dating約會
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30歲前結婚、同居或約會的對象
04:07
their future未來 partner夥伴 by 30.
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就是你未來的終生伴侶
04:09
We know that the brain caps帽子 off its second第二
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我們知道大腦在二十多歲這個年紀會歷經第二次
04:12
and last growth發展 spurt in your 20s
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及最後一次成長高峰
04:14
as it rewires再配線 itself本身 for adulthood成年,
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以轉型為成人期
04:17
which哪一個 means手段 that whatever隨你 it is you want to change更改 about yourself你自己,
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這意味著無論你打算如何改變自己
04:21
now is the time to change更改 it.
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此刻正是最佳時機
04:24
We know that personality個性 changes變化 more during your 20s
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我們知道性格在二十多歲這個年紀的變化
04:27
than at any other time in life,
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勝於人生其他階段
04:30
and we know that female fertility生育能力 peaks at age年齡 28,
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我們知道女性生育高峰期是28歲
04:34
and things get tricky狡猾 after age年齡 35.
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35歲後則每況愈下
04:37
So your 20s are the time to educate教育 yourself你自己
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因此二十年華正是瞭解自我
04:40
about your body身體 and your options選項.
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身體狀況及選擇的最佳時機
04:44
So when we think about child兒童 development發展,
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因此當我們談到兒童發展
04:46
we all know that the first five years年份 are a critical危急 period
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我們都知道最初五年是關鍵期
04:50
for language語言 and attachment附件 in the brain.
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對大腦的語言和情感依附發展來說
04:54
It's a time when your ordinary普通, day-to-day日復一日 life
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這是日常生活
04:57
has an inordinate過度的 impact碰撞 on who you will become成為.
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對未來發展影響甚鉅的階段
05:01
But what we hear less about is that there's such這樣 a thing
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但我們較少聽說的是所謂的「成人發展」
05:04
as adult成人 development發展, and our 20s
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二十歲的這個年紀
05:07
are that critical危急 period of adult成人 development發展.
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正是成人的發展關鍵期
05:11
But this isn't what twentysomethings二十多歲 are hearing聽力.
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但很少有二十多歲的年輕人聽說過這件事
05:14
Newspapers報紙 talk about the changing改變 timetable時間表 of adulthood成年.
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報紙談論的總是成人階段的變化
05:19
Researchers研究人員 call the 20s an extended擴展 adolescence青春期.
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研究人員稱二十歲世代為青春期的延續
05:22
Journalists記者 coin硬幣 silly愚蠢 nicknames暱稱 for twentysomethings二十多歲
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新聞記者賦予二十歲世代一些愚蠢的綽號
05:25
like "twixterstwixters" and "kidults童心."
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例如「啃老族」和「大孩子」
05:28
It's true真正.
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確實如此
05:30
As a culture文化, we have trivialized輕視 what is actually其實
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文化使然,我們輕忽了
05:34
the defining確定 decade of adulthood成年.
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成人階段的決定性十年
05:39
Leonard倫納德 Bernstein伯恩斯坦 said that to achieve實現 great things,
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倫納德‧伯恩斯坦(著名指揮家)說,欲達成偉大成就
05:42
you need a plan計劃 and not quite相當 enough足夠 time.
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需要一個計畫和不甚充裕的時間
05:46
Isn't that true真正?
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事實不就是這樣嗎?
05:48
So what do you think happens發生
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因此你認為會發生什麼事
05:49
when you pat a twentysomething二十多歲 on the head and you say,
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當你拍著一位二十歲世代年輕人的頭說
05:52
"You have 10 extra額外 years年份 to start開始 your life"?
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「你的人生還有十年才開始」
05:55
Nothing happens發生.
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什麼也不會發生
05:57
You have robbed被搶 that person of his urgency and ambition志向,
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你剝奪了那個人的迫切感和雄心
06:01
and absolutely絕對 nothing happens發生.
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不會發生任何結果
06:04
And then every一切 day, smart聰明, interesting有趣 twentysomethings二十多歲
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日復一日地這些聰明有趣的二十歲世代
06:08
like you or like your sons兒子 and daughters女兒
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如同你們或你們的子女
06:11
come into my office辦公室 and say things like this:
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前來我辦公室說類似以下的話
06:16
"I know my boyfriend's男友 no good for me,
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「我知道我男友不適合我」
06:18
but this relationship關係 doesn't count計數. I'm just killing謀殺 time."
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「但這段感情不能當真,只是打發時間罷了」
06:22
Or they say, "Everybody每個人 says as long as I get started開始
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或是,「每個人都說,我只要」
06:25
on a career事業 by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."
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「在30歲前展開事業就沒問題」
06:29
But then it starts啟動 to sound聲音 like this:
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但之後他們開始這麼說:
06:32
"My 20s are almost幾乎 over, and I have nothing to show顯示 for myself.
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「我二字頭的人生即將結束但我卻一事無成」
06:36
I had a better résumé the day after I graduated畢業 from college學院."
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「我最好從大學畢業那天就開始投履歷表」
06:41
And then it starts啟動 to sound聲音 like this:
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然後他們開始這麼說:
06:44
"Dating約會 in my 20s was like musical音樂 chairs椅子.
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「二十多歲時的約會就像玩大風吹」
06:46
Everybody每個人 was running賽跑 around and having fun開玩笑,
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「大家四處遊蕩、樂在其中」
06:49
but then sometime某時 around 30 it was like the music音樂 turned轉身 off
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「但30歲左右音樂逐漸停止」
06:52
and everybody每個人 started開始 sitting坐在 down.
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「大家開始就座」
06:55
I didn't want to be the only one left standing常設 up,
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「我不想成為唯一站著的人」
06:57
so sometimes有時 I think I married已婚 my husband丈夫
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「因此有時我覺得和丈夫結婚」
06:59
because he was the closest最近的 chair椅子 to me at 30."
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「只因為他是30歲時離我最近的椅子」
07:03
Where are the twentysomethings二十多歲 here?
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我們當中二十幾歲的年輕人們?
07:05
Do not do that.
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千萬別這麼做
07:09
Okay, now that sounds聲音 a little flip翻動, but make no mistake錯誤,
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好,聽起來像是說笑,但別誤會
07:12
the stakes賭注 are very high.
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其中的風險極大
07:14
When a lot has been pushed to your 30s,
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當許多事延宕到三十歲的時候
07:17
there is enormous巨大 thirtysomething而立之年 pressure壓力
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將造成三十歲世代極大的壓力
07:19
to jump-start快速啟動 a career事業, pick a city, partner夥伴 up,
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展開事業、選擇居住地、尋找伴侶
07:23
and have two or three kids孩子 in a much shorter period of time.
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在極短時間內生兩三個孩子
07:27
Many許多 of these things are incompatible不相容,
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這些事大多無法同時兼顧
07:29
and as research研究 is just starting開始 to show顯示,
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如近期研究結果顯示
07:32
simply只是 harder更難 and more stressful壓力 to do
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在三十世代同時完成這些事
07:35
all at once一旦 in our 30s.
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難度和壓力將變得更大
07:38
The post-millennial後千禧 midlife中年 crisis危機
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千禧年後的中年危機
07:40
isn't buying購買 a red sports體育 car汽車.
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不在於是否買輛紅色跑車
07:43
It's realizing實現 you can't have that career事業 you now want.
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而在於意識到無法擁有目前想要的事業
07:48
It's realizing實現 you can't have that child兒童 you now want,
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在於意識到無法生出這時候所想要的孩子
07:51
or you can't give your child兒童 a sibling兄弟.
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或無法替孩子生出兄弟姊妹
07:55
Too many許多 thirtysomethings到30歲 and fortysomethingsfortysomethings
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太多三十歲世代及四十歲世代的人
07:57
look at themselves他們自己, and at me, sitting坐在 across橫過 the room房間,
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看看自己然後望著坐在房間另一頭的我
08:01
and say about their 20s,
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開始談論起他們的二十歲生活
08:03
"What was I doing? What was I thinking思維?"
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「我當時在做什麼?在想什麼?」
08:09
I want to change更改 what twentysomethings二十多歲
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我希望改變二十歲世代的
08:10
are doing and thinking思維.
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做法和想法
08:13
Here's這裡的 a story故事 about how that can go.
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以下是關於如何著手的故事
08:15
It's a story故事 about a woman女人 named命名 Emma艾瑪.
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這是關於一位名叫Emma的女子的故事
08:19
At 25, Emma艾瑪 came來了 to my office辦公室
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25歲時,Emma來到我辦公室
08:21
because she was, in her words, having an identity身分 crisis危機.
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因為她-根據她的說法-她正經歷身份危機
08:26
She said she thought she might威力 like to work in art藝術
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她說她認為自己或許想從事藝術
08:29
or entertainment娛樂, but she hadn't有沒有 decided決定 yet然而,
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或娛樂工作,但尚未下定決心
08:32
so she'd spent花費 the last few少數 years年份 waiting等候 tables instead代替.
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因此過去幾年她暫時擔任餐飲服務生
08:36
Because it was cheaper便宜, she lived生活 with a boyfriend男朋友
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為了省錢,她和男友同居
08:39
who displayed顯示 his temper脾氣 more than his ambition志向.
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他展現脾氣的能力更勝於雄心
08:43
And as hard as her 20s were,
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儘管她的二十歲生活充滿艱辛
08:45
her early life had been even harder更難.
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她之前的生活更是困難重重
08:47
She often經常 cried哭了 in our sessions會議,
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她經常於會談中哭泣
08:50
but then would collect蒐集 herself她自己 by saying,
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但恢復平靜後,她說
08:52
"You can't pick your family家庭, but you can pick your friends朋友."
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「你無法選擇家庭,但可以選擇朋友」
08:57
Well one day, Emma艾瑪 comes in
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某天,Emma走進辦公室
08:58
and she hangs掛起 her head in her lap膝部,
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把頭倚在膝蓋上
09:00
and she sobbed抽泣著 for most of the hour小時.
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哭了將近一個小時
09:04
She'd just bought a new address地址 book,
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她剛買了一本新通訊錄
09:06
and she'd spent花費 the morning早上 filling填充 in her many許多 contacts往來,
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她花了整個上午填寫連絡人資料
09:09
but then she'd been left staring凝視 at that empty blank空白
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但接著她茫然地盯著
09:12
that comes after the words
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以下文字後的空白
09:14
"In case案件 of emergency, please call ... ."
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「發生緊急情況時,請撥打…」
09:18
She was nearly幾乎 hysterical歇斯底里 when she looked看著 at me and said,
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她幾乎是歇斯底里地看著我說
09:21
"Who's誰是 going to be there for me if I get in a car汽車 wreck破壞?
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「如果出車禍,誰會陪在我身邊?」
09:24
Who's誰是 going to take care關心 of me if I have cancer癌症?"
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「如果得癌症,誰會照顧我?」
09:29
Now in that moment時刻, it took everything I had
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當時,我費盡心力
09:31
not to say, "I will."
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才忍住說「我會」的衝動
09:33
But what Emma艾瑪 needed需要 wasn't some therapist治療師
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但 Emma 需要的並非一位
09:36
who really, really cared照顧.
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對她關懷備至的治療師
09:38
Emma艾瑪 needed需要 a better life, and I knew知道 this was her chance機會.
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Emma 需要更好的生活
我知道這是她的機會
09:43
I had learned學到了 too much since以來 I first worked工作 with Alex亞歷克斯
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自從治療 Alex 後,我學到很多
09:46
to just sit there while Emma's艾瑪的 defining確定 decade
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我不會坐視 Emma 的決定性十年
09:49
went parading遊行 by.
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白白流逝
09:53
So over the next下一個 weeks and months個月,
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因此接下來幾週、幾個月中
09:55
I told Emma艾瑪
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我告訴 Emma
09:56
three things that every一切 twentysomething二十多歲, male or female,
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三件每位二十歲世代年輕人
10:00
deserves值得 to hear.
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無論男女都該聆聽的忠告
10:03
First, I told Emma艾瑪 to forget忘記 about having an identity身分 crisis危機
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首先,我要Emma忘了她的身份危機
10:08
and get some identity身分 capital首都.
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累積一些身份資本
10:11
By get identity身分 capital首都, I mean do something
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至於累積身份資本,我指的是進行某些
10:13
that adds增加 value to who you are.
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增加自我價值的事
10:17
Do something that's an investment投資
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進行某些投資
10:19
in who you might威力 want to be next下一個.
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以達成理想中的自己
10:22
I didn't know the future未來 of Emma's艾瑪的 career事業,
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我不知道 Emma 的工作前景
10:24
and no one knows知道 the future未來 of work, but I do know this:
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沒人知道任何工作的前景
但我確實知道這一點:
10:28
Identity身分 capital首都 begets相生 identity身分 capital首都.
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身份資本將衍生身份資本
10:32
So now is the time for that cross-country越野 job工作,
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因此此時正是接受那份跨國工作
10:35
that internship實習, that startup啟動 you want to try.
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那份實習職位和你想嘗試的創業的時機
10:38
I'm not discounting貼現 twentysomething二十多歲 exploration勘探 here,
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我並非反對二十歲世代進行探索
10:42
but I am discounting貼現 exploration勘探 that's not supposed應該 to count計數,
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但我不贊同無意義的探索
10:46
which哪一個, by the way, is not exploration勘探.
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順帶一提,那並非探索
10:49
That's procrastination拖延.
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而是浪費時間
10:52
I told Emma艾瑪 to explore探索 work and make it count計數.
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我要 Emma 進行有意義的工作探索
10:58
Second第二, I told Emma艾瑪 that the urban城市的 tribe部落 is overrated被高估.
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其次,我告訴Emma人們高估了城市部落(Urban Tribes)
11:03
Best最好 friends朋友 are great for giving rides遊樂設施 to the airport飛機場,
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好友是載你去機場的絕佳人選
11:06
but twentysomethings二十多歲 who huddle亂堆 together一起
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但二十世代年輕人常聚集的對象
11:09
with like-minded志同道合 peers同行 limit限制 who they know,
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在於志同道合的同齡族群,侷限於相識者
11:11
what they know, how they think, how they speak說話,
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彼此知道的事相似的思考模式和說話方式
11:15
and where they work.
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及工作地點
11:18
That new piece of capital首都, that new person to date日期
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新資本、新約會對象
11:20
almost幾乎 always comes from outside the inner circle.
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幾乎總是來自圈外
11:24
New things come from what are called our weak ties聯繫,
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新事物來自我們所謂的弱連結
11:27
our friends朋友 of friends朋友 of friends朋友.
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例如朋友的朋友的朋友
11:30
So yes, half of twentysomethings二十多歲 are un-聯合國- or under-employed下僱.
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因此-沒錯,半數二十多歲的人並未就業或擁有全職工作
11:35
But half aren't, and weak ties聯繫
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但其中一半並非如此,弱連結正是
11:37
are how you get yourself你自己 into that group.
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使你加入那個族群的方式
11:40
Half of new jobs工作 are never posted發布,
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半數新職位不曾公佈
11:43
so reaching到達 out to your neighbor's鄰居 boss老闆
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因此接觸鄰居的老闆
11:45
is how you get that un-posted未公佈 job工作.
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正是得到那份未公佈工作的方法
11:48
It's not cheating作弊. It's the science科學 of how information信息 spreads利差.
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這並非投機,而是資訊傳播原理
11:53
Last but not least最小, Emma艾瑪 believed相信 that
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最後,同樣重要的是,Emma 認為
11:55
you can't pick your family家庭, but you can pick your friends朋友.
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你無法選擇家庭,但可以選擇朋友
11:59
Now this was true真正 for her growing生長 up,
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以她的成長經歷來說確實如此
12:01
but as a twentysomething二十多歲, soon不久 Emma艾瑪 would pick her family家庭
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但作為一個二十多歲的年輕人
Emma 很快就得選擇自己的家庭
12:03
when she partnered合作 with someone有人
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當她和某人結為連理
12:05
and created創建 a family家庭 of her own擁有.
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建立屬於自己的家庭
12:08
I told Emma艾瑪 the time to start開始 picking選擇 your family家庭 is now.
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我告訴 Emma 此時正是她選擇家庭的時機
12:14
Now you may可能 be thinking思維 that 30
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你或許認為30歲是
12:16
is actually其實 a better time to settle解決 down
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較適當的成家時機
12:18
than 20, or even 25,
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相較於20歲,甚至25歲
12:21
and I agree同意 with you.
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我同意這一點
12:23
But grabbing whoever you're living活的 with or sleeping睡眠 with
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但套牢某個和你同居或上床的人
12:26
when everyone大家 on FacebookFacebook的 starts啟動 walking步行 down the aisle走道
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當所有Facebook上的朋友開始步入禮堂時
12:29
is not progress進展.
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這並非達成某項進展
12:32
The best最好 time to work on your marriage婚姻
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經營婚姻的最佳時機
12:35
is before you have one,
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正是結婚前
12:36
and that means手段 being存在 as intentional故意的 with love
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這是指用心看待愛情
12:39
as you are with work.
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如同看待工作般
12:41
Picking選擇 your family家庭 is about consciously自覺 choosing選擇
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家庭的選擇是有意識的選擇
12:44
who and what you want
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選擇你想要的人和生活
12:46
rather than just making製造 it work or killing謀殺 time
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而非僅是達成目標或打發時間
12:49
with whoever happens發生 to be choosing選擇 you.
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與恰巧選擇你的人
12:53
So what happened發生 to Emma艾瑪?
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Emma 的後續情況如何?
12:55
Well, we went through通過 that address地址 book,
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好,我們翻閱那本通訊錄
12:57
and she found發現 an old roommate's室友的 cousin表姐
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她發現一位前室友的親戚
13:00
who worked工作 at an art藝術 museum博物館 in another另一個 state.
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任職於他州的藝術博物館
13:03
That weak tie領帶 helped幫助 her get a job工作 there.
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那個弱連結協助她在當地找到一份工作
13:06
That job工作 offer提供 gave her the reason原因
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那份工作給了她
13:08
to leave離開 that live-in住在 boyfriend男朋友.
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離開同居男友的理由
13:10
Now, five years年份 later後來, she's a special特別 events事件 planner規劃人員 for museums博物館.
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5年後的今天她成了博物館特殊活動規劃者
13:14
She's married已婚 to a man she mindfully正念 chose選擇.
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她與一位用心選擇的人結婚
13:18
She loves her new career事業, she loves her new family家庭,
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她愛她的新職業,她愛她的新家庭
13:20
and she sent發送 me a card that said,
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她寄給我一張卡片,上面寫著
13:23
"Now the emergency contact聯繫 blanks空白
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「現在緊急連絡人一欄」
13:25
don't seem似乎 big enough足夠."
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「似乎不夠大了」
13:29
Now Emma's艾瑪的 story故事 made製作 that sound聲音 easy簡單,
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Emma 的故事使這件事顯得輕而易舉
13:31
but that's what I love about working加工 with twentysomethings二十多歲.
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但這就是我喜愛輔導二十歲世代的原因
13:34
They are so easy簡單 to help.
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幫助他們十分容易
13:36
Twentysomethings二十多歲 are like airplanes飛機 just leaving離開 LAXLAX,
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二十歲的世代就像剛離開洛杉磯國際機場的飛機
13:40
bound for somewhere某處 west西.
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準備前往西岸某處
13:43
Right after takeoff脫掉, a slight輕微 change更改 in course課程
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起飛後,航線稍微偏移
13:46
is the difference區別 between之間 landing降落 in Alaska阿拉斯加州 or Fiji.
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即降落阿拉斯加或斐濟的差別
13:51
Likewise同樣, at 21 or 25 or even 29,
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同樣地,在21或25歲,甚至29歲
13:56
one good conversation會話, one good break打破,
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一場有益的談話、一次充分的休息
13:59
one good TEDTED Talk, can have an enormous巨大 effect影響
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一場卓越的TED演講,都將造成極大影響
14:03
across橫過 years年份 and even generations to come.
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對未來幾年、甚至幾代來說
14:07
So here's這裡的 an idea理念 worth價值 spreading傳播
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因此這是一個值得分享的想法
14:09
to every一切 twentysomething二十多歲 you know.
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去分享給每位你所認識的二十歲世代
14:12
It's as simple簡單 as what I learned學到了 to say to Alex亞歷克斯.
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這就像我於 Alex 的會談中所領悟到的道理一樣容易
14:15
It's what I now have the privilege特權
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這就是我現在有幸能
14:17
of saying to twentysomethings二十多歲 like Emma艾瑪 every一切 single day:
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時時給予像 Emma 這樣的二十歲世代的忠告
14:22
Thirty三十 is not the new 20, so claim要求 your adulthood成年,
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二十歲的人生不能在三十歲重來因此把握你的成年期
14:26
get some identity身分 capital首都, use your weak ties聯繫,
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累積一些身份資本,利用你的弱連結
14:29
pick your family家庭.
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選擇你的家庭
14:32
Don't be defined定義 by what you didn't know
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別受限於你不知道
14:34
or didn't do.
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或不曾做過的事
14:35
You're deciding決定 your life right now.
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此刻你正在決定你的人生
14:39
Thank you.
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謝謝
14:40
(Applause掌聲)
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(掌聲)
Translated by illusion Hung
Reviewed by Ada Wang

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Meg Jay - Clinical psychologist
In her book "The Defining Decade," Meg Jay suggests that many twentysomethings feel trivialized during what is actually the most transformative — and defining — period of our adult lives.

Why you should listen

Lately it feels as if 25 is just a bit too young to get serious. In her psychology practice, and her book The Defining Decade, clinical psychologist Meg Jay suggests that many twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation about what Time magazine calls the "Me Me Me Generation." The rhetoric that "30 is the new 20," she suggests, trivializes what is actually the most transformative period of our adult lives.
 
Drawing from more than ten years of work with hundreds of twentysomething clients and students, Jay weaves science together with compelling, behind-closed-doors stories. The result is a provocative, poignant read that shows us why, far from being an irrelevant downtime, our twenties are a developmental sweetspot that comes only once.  Our twenties are a time when the things we do -- and the things we don’t do -- will have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

Jay is a clinical psychologist who specializes in adult development, and in twentysomethings in particular. She is an assistant clinical professor at the University of Virginia and maintains a private practice in Charlottesville, Virginia.  She spent her own early twentysomething years as an Outward Bound instructor.

More profile about the speaker
Meg Jay | Speaker | TED.com