ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Veerle Provoost - Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Why you should listen

Veerle Provoost is a professor at the Bioethics Institute Ghent of Ghent University and a member of the Network on Ethics of Families. For her current research she coordinates a team of researchers who work on a study about genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Using empirical research methods and Socratic conversation techniques, Provoost studies how professionals and ordinary people reason about health and how they make decisions in health-related contexts. In her courses on empirical research methods for ethics and bioethics, she teaches students how to look beyond mere experiences or general attitudes and to explore the principles and values that guide people's reasoning and decision-making. Her research shows that patients may bring their own sets of principles when making medical decisions, principles that may be very different from what medical staff anticipated and may feature around moral elements that may completely escape the attention of ethicists. For one, the moral reasoning of everyday people is centered more around relationships than around the principles that are at the core of scholarly bioethics.

In her talk TEDxGhent talk, she explains how we can gain valuable insights from families of children conceived with donor sperm and their views about what a family really is. These alternative families teach us what matters most in the decisions we all make for our children, whether or not they are genetically related to us. The parents and children she studied created their own family stories (about how their families were made) in highly diverse but very creative ways. However, some parents thought that they should strictly follow the advice of experts in their communication with their children. Because of that, they discounted their own competence. Based on her research experience, Provoost warns us for the negative effects of problematizing these families. Because no matter what a family looks like, or how it is made, parents should believe in their abilities and their creativity. As they know their families best, they are the real experts in how to find the best way to tell their own family story to their own child.

More profile about the speaker
Veerle Provoost | Speaker | TED.com
TEDxGhent

Veerle Provoost: Do kids think of sperm donors as family?

Veerle Provoost: 細紋仔認唔認為精子捐贈者係家庭嘅一員?

Filmed:
1,144,738 views

我哋應該點定義阿爸、阿媽——或者一個家庭?生命倫理學家 Veerle Provoost 喺非傳統嘅家庭嘅範圍下探索呢啲問題,呢啲家庭不外乎同收養、再婚、代孕媽媽同精子捐贈有關。佢分享咗幾個家庭創造嘅家庭故仔嘅故事。
- Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
What is a parent父母?
0
842
2162
乜嘢係父母?
00:15
What is a parent父母?
1
3999
1607
阿爸,阿媽又係乜嘢?
00:19
It's not an easy容易 question個問題.
2
7043
2108
呢個問題唔簡單
00:21
Today今日 we have adoption採用,
3
9630
2374
今日,我哋有領養
00:24
stepfamilies再婚家庭,
4
12028
1576
再婚家庭
00:25
surrogate代理 mothers母親.
5
13628
1457
同代孕媽媽
00:27
Many好多 parents父母 face塊面 tough艱難 questions個問題
6
15846
2413
好多父母都面臨著難題
00:31
and tough艱難 decisions決定.
7
19151
1529
同艱難嘅選擇
00:33
Shall we tell our child孩子
about the sperm精子 donation捐贈?
8
21888
3253
講唔講畀個细路知
精子捐贈呢件事?
00:39
If so, when?
9
27322
1375
如果講, 幾時講?
00:41
What words的話 to use?
10
29176
1600
點講?
00:43
Sperm精子 donors捐助者 are often經常 referred
to as "biological生物 fathers老竇,"
11
31522
5861
精子捐贈人通常被稱為「親身阿爸」
00:49
but should we really
be using使用 the word "father老竇?"
12
37407
2999
但係我哋應唔應該用「阿爸」呢個詞?
00:53
As a philosopher哲學家 and social社會 scientist科學家,
13
41843
2405
身為一個哲學家同社會科學家
00:56
I have been studying研究 these questions個問題
about the concept概念 of parenthood為人父母.
14
44272
4222
我研究父母身份呢個問題
01:01
But today今日, I will talk to you
about what I learned
15
49088
3028
今日,我想同大家講下
01:04
from talking講嘢 to parents父母 and children孩子.
16
52140
2140
我同啲父母同細路
傾偈學到嘅嘢
01:07
I will show顯示 you that they know
what matters個問題 most in a family家庭,
17
55377
4354
佢哋知道個屋企裡邊咩最緊要
01:11
even though雖然 their佢哋 family家庭
looks睇黎 a little different不同.
18
59755
2531
就算佢哋同一般家庭有啲唔同
01:15
I will show顯示 you their佢哋 creative創造性 ways方式
of dealing交易 with tough艱難 questions個問題.
19
63133
5001
我會講下佢哋點有創意咁處理難題
01:21
But I will also show顯示 you
the parents'父母 ' uncertainties不塙定性.
20
69287
3750
亦會講下呢啲父母嘅不安
01:27
We interviewed採訪 couples夫婦
21
75284
1531
我哋採訪過幾對
喺根特大學附屬醫院
01:28
who received收到 fertility肥力 treatment治療
at Ghent根特 University大學 Hospital醫院,
22
76839
3402
接受不孕治療
01:33
using使用 sperm精子 from a donor.
23
81075
1739
通過精子捐贈而受孕嘅夫婦
01:35
In this treatment治療 timeline時間表,
24
83183
1567
我哋喺呢個治療嘅
時間線上嘅兩個點
01:36
you can see two pointsD
at which we conducted進行 interviews採訪.
25
84774
3292
(治療同之後 7-10 年)做採訪
01:40
We included包括 heterosexual異性戀 couples夫婦,
26
88994
2433
我哋包括咗因男方不育嚟尋治嘅
01:44
where the man for some reason原因
did not have good-quality質素好 sperm精子,
27
92055
3872
異性戀夫婦
01:48
and lesbian女同 couples夫婦 who obviously顯然
needed需要 to find sperm精子 elsewhere第二度.
28
96435
5118
同需要精子捐贈嘅女同性戀夫婦
01:54
We also included包括 children孩子.
29
102996
2198
我哋亦包括佐啲細路
01:58
I wanted to know
30
106878
1483
我之前想知
02:00
how those children孩子 define定義 concepts概念
like parenthood為人父母 and family家庭.
31
108385
4633
啲細路點定義父母同家庭
02:06
In fact事實, that is what I asked問吓 them,
32
114150
2801
事實上,我有問佢哋呢個問題
02:10
only not in that way.
33
118259
1439
不過用咗唔同嘅問法
02:13
I drew提請 an apple蘋果 tree instead相反.
34
121437
2659
我畫咗一棵蘋果樹
02:17
This way, I could ask問吓 abstract抽象,
philosophical哲學 questions個問題
35
125056
3347
然後以一種唔容易離題嘅方式
02:20
in a way that did not make them run運行 off.
36
128427
3273
問佢哋一啲抽象嘅、哲學性嘅問題
02:25
So as you can see,
37
133332
1652
大家喺度睇到
02:27
the apple蘋果 tree is empty.
38
135008
1542
呢棵蘋果樹係空嘅
02:29
And that illustrates my research研究 approach方法.
39
137630
2613
呢個就係我嘅研究方法
02:32
By designing設計 techniques技術 like this,
40
140659
2283
咁樣
02:34
I can bring as little meaning意義 and content內容
as possible可能 to the interview面試,
41
142966
4773
我可以盡量減少我講嘅嘢
02:40
because I want to hear聽到 that from them.
42
148533
2018
而將重點放喺佢哋講嘅嘢
02:44
I asked問吓 them:
43
152362
1332
我問佢哋:
02:46
What would your family家庭 look like
if it were an apple蘋果 tree?
44
154738
3090
如果你嘅家庭係一顆蘋果樹
佢會係咩樣?
02:50
And they could take a paper apple蘋果
for everyone個個都 who, in their佢哋 view视图,
45
158739
3750
佢哋就係代表
02:54
was a member成員 of the family家庭,
46
162513
1607
家庭成員嘅紙蘋果寫上個名
02:56
write a name名字 on it
and hang it wherever無論 they wanted.
47
164144
3174
想挂喺樹上嘅邊度就掛嗰度
02:59
And I would ask問吓 questions個問題.
48
167342
1570
然後我再問問題,多數細路
03:02
Most children孩子 started初時
with a parent父母 or a sibling兄弟.
49
170153
3125
會從爸爸媽媽或者兄弟姊妹度講起
03:05
One started初時 with "Boxer拳擊手,"
50
173806
2164
有個細路從 「拳師」講起
03:08
the dead dog of his grandparents祖父母.
51
176667
2508
佢係個細路嘅阿爺屋企死咗嘅狗仔
03:11
At this pointD, none of the children孩子
started初時 mentioning the donor.
52
179830
3858
嗰時,冇一個細路提及精子捐贈人
03:16
So, I asked問吓 them about their佢哋 birth出生 story故事.
53
184465
4338
我問佢哋出世嘅故仔嗰時
03:21
I said, "Before you were born出生,
54
189161
2022
我話:「喺你出世之前,
03:23
it was just your mom亞媽 and dad老竇,
55
191207
2363
個屋企就得你嘅爸爸、媽媽,
03:25
or mom亞媽 and mommy亞媽.
56
193594
1278
或者媽媽同媽咪。你可唔可以
03:27
Can you tell me how you came
into the family家庭?"
57
195421
3057
同我講下你係點嚟到呢個屋企呢?」
03:31
And they explained解釋.
58
199282
1439
佢哋就講畀我聽
03:33
One said,
59
201602
1206
一個細路話
03:35
"My parents父母 did not have good seeds種子,
60
203691
2473
「我嘅阿爸阿媽冇好嘅種子,
03:38
but there are friendly友好 men男人 out there
who have spare備用 seeds種子.
61
206865
4022
但係有啲好人有剩餘嘅種子,
03:43
They bring them to the hospital醫院,
62
211386
1750
佢哋將啲種子帶去醫院度,
03:45
and they put them in a big jarJar.
63
213160
2214
放喺一個大罐度。
03:48
My mommy亞媽 went there,
64
216249
1237
我媽咪佢喺醫院
03:49
and she took two from the jarJar,
65
217510
2571
從個罐度摞咗兩粒種子,
03:52
one for me and one for my sister亞妹.
66
220786
2138
一個係我,一個係我妹妹。
03:55
She put the seeds種子 in her belly肚皮 --
67
223725
2049
佢將種植放入佢肚腩度。
03:58
somehow無論如何 --
68
226161
1192
唔知點,
04:00
and her belly肚皮 grew增長 really big,
69
228236
2307
佢嘅肚腩就變到好大,
04:02
and there I was."
70
230567
1252
然後我就出咗世。」
04:05
Hmm.
71
233289
1150
04:08
So only when they started初時
mentioning the donor,
72
236123
4068
佢哋有提到精子捐贈人時
04:12
I asked問吓 questions個問題 about him,
using使用 their佢哋 own自己 words的話.
73
240215
3225
我就用佢哋嘅語言
問關於捐赠人嘅問題
04:15
I said,
74
243926
1399
我話
04:17
"If this would be an apple蘋果
for the friendly友好 man with the seeds種子,
75
245349
4466
「如果呢個蘋果係
嗰個有種植嘅好人,
04:21
what would you do with it?"
76
249839
1333
你會點做?」
04:24
And one boy男孩 was thinking思維 out loud大聲,
77
252069
2358
有個男仔攞住個紙蘋果
04:26
holding舉行 the apple蘋果.
78
254451
1368
諗邊講
04:27
And he said,
79
255843
1245
話:
04:29
"I won't唔會 put this one
up there with the others.
80
257890
2694
「我唔會將個蘋果放喺個樹上,
04:33
He's not part部分 of my family家庭.
81
261239
1893
佢唔係我屋企人,
04:36
But I will not put him on the ground地面.
82
264191
2194
但係我亦唔會將佢放喺個地度,
04:38
That's too cold and too hard努力.
83
266409
1910
個地度太凍太硬。
04:41
I think he should be in the trunk樹幹,
84
269024
2301
我覺得佢應該喺個樹幹度,
04:44
because he made作出 my family家庭 possible可能.
85
272207
2343
因為佢使我哋有個屋企,
04:47
If he would not have done this,
86
275264
1954
如果冇佢(將種子放入個罐度),
04:49
that would really be sad傷心
because my family家庭 would not be here,
87
277242
3958
就冇我哋屋企, 咁就好慘喇,
04:53
and I would not be here."
88
281224
1596
我就唔會喺度。」
04:57
So also, parents父母
constructed構建 family家庭 tales故事 --
89
285845
3528
所以,父母都會講啲
05:01
tales故事 to tell their佢哋 children孩子.
90
289397
1757
關於屋企嘅故仔畀啲仔女聽
05:04
One couple夫婦 explained解釋 their佢哋 insemination人工授精
91
292660
3127
有對夫婦為咗解釋佢哋受精嘅過程
05:07
by taking採取 their佢哋 children孩子 to a farm農場
92
295811
2523
帶咗啲仔女去農場
05:11
to watch a vet獸醫 inseminate受精 cows.
93
299291
2561
睇獸醫同奶牛接種
05:15
And why not?
94
303656
1371
有咩唔得呢?
05:17
It's their佢哋 way of explaining解釋;
95
305051
2440
呢個係佢哋解釋嘅方式
05:19
their佢哋 do-it-yourself自己動手
with family家庭 narratives敍述.
96
307515
3026
佢哋自製嘅家庭敘事方式
05:22
DIYDiy.
97
310981
1180
DIY
05:24
And we had another另一個 couple夫婦
who made作出 books --
98
312533
2368
我哋仲採訪咗一對自己整書
05:26
a book for each每個 child孩子.
99
314925
1455
一個細路一本書嘅夫婦
05:28
They were really works工程 of art藝術
100
316752
1522
嗰啲書真係藝術品
05:30
containing their佢哋 thoughts思想 and feelings感情
throughout整個 the treatment治療.
101
318298
3476
寫咗夫婦喺治療過程嘅感想
05:34
They even had the hospital醫院
parking停車 tickets in there.
102
322192
2614
仲放埋當時喺醫院嘅泊車飛入去
05:37
So it is DIYDiy:
103
325553
1621
呢就係 DIY
05:39
finding發現 ways方式, words的話 and images圖像
104
327198
2382
揾到方法、語言同畫面
05:41
to tell your family家庭 story故事 to your child孩子.
105
329604
2750
將你屋企嘅故仔話畀啲仔女知
05:45
And these stories故事 were highly高度 diverse不同,
106
333717
2815
呢啲故仔多種多樣
05:48
but they all had one thing in common常見:
107
336940
2936
但係有個共同點:
05:53
it was a tale故事 of longing渴望 for a child孩子
108
341913
3221
都有講對 BB 嘅渴望
05:57
and a quest追求 for that child孩子.
109
345885
1678
同追求
06:00
It was about how special特殊
and how deeply深深 loved their佢哋 child孩子 was.
110
348370
5067
係關於佢哋對仔女深深嘅愛
06:07
And research研究 so far shows顯示
that these children孩子 are doing fine.
111
355142
4648
研究顯示, 呢啲仔女發育得好正常
06:11
They do not have
more problems個問題 than other kids孩子.
112
359814
2594
並冇比其他細路多問題
06:14
Yet尚未, these parents父母 also wanted
to justify證明 their佢哋 decisions決定
113
362854
4421
但係,呢啲父母亦想通過啲家庭故仔
06:19
through透過 the tales故事 they tell.
114
367299
1662
為自己辯護
06:21
They hoped希望 that their佢哋 children孩子
would understand理解 their佢哋 reasons原因
115
369505
3134
佢哋希望佢哋嘅仔女明白
06:24
for making決策 the family家庭 in this way.
116
372663
1835
佢哋用呢種方式組建家庭嘅理由
06:27
Underlying基礎 was a fear恐懼
that their佢哋 children孩子 might可能 disapprove反對
117
375865
3954
表面之下,佢哋好驚佢哋嘅仔女會
06:31
and would reject拒絕 the non-genetic非遺傳 parent父母.
118
379843
2242
唔認同甚至抗拒冇血緣嘅父母
06:34
And that fear恐懼 is understandable理解,
119
382511
2620
呢種擔心係情有可原
06:37
because we live in a very heteronormativeheteronormative
120
385155
3041
事關我哋身處一個異性主流
06:40
and geneticizedgeneticized society社會 --
121
388220
1738
同強調基因遺傳嘅社會
06:42
a world世界 that still believes相信
122
390438
1492
一個仲係相信一個真正嘅家庭
06:43
that true真係 families家庭 consist
of one mom亞媽, one dad老竇
123
391954
4152
有一個爸爸,一個媽媽,仲有
06:48
and their佢哋 genetically基因 related相關 children孩子.
124
396130
2337
同佢哋有血緣關係嘅仔女嘅家庭
06:51
Well.
125
399738
1155
06:54
I want to tell you about a teenage青少年 boy男孩.
126
402165
3101
我想同大家分享一個男仔嘅故仔
06:57
He was donor-conceived捐助者設想嘅
but not part部分 of our study研究.
127
405290
2769
佢係靠捐贈出世
但唔係我哋嘅研究對象
07:00
One day, he had an argument參數
with his father老竇,
128
408658
2618
有一日,佢同佢阿爸鬧交
07:03
and he yelled大叫,
129
411300
1292
佢話:
07:05
"You're telling話畀 me what to do?
130
413305
2097
「你要叫我做嘢?
07:07
You're not even my father老竇!"
131
415426
1881
你都唔係我爸爸!」
07:11
That was exactly完全 what
the parents父母 in our study研究 feared.
132
419601
3382
呢就係我哋研究嘅父母最驚嘅
07:15
Now, the boy男孩 soon好快 felt覺得 sorry,
and they made作出 up.
133
423984
3229
呢個男仔好快就知錯
然後同佢爸爸好返
07:19
But it is the reaction反應 of his father老竇
that is most interesting有趣.
134
427629
3771
最好玩嘅就係佢爸爸對呢件事嘅反應
07:24
He said,
135
432169
1173
佢話:
07:25
"This outburst突出 had nothing to do
with the lack缺乏 of a genetic遺傳 link連結.
136
433772
5362
「成件事同我哋冇基因聯繫冇關係,
07:31
It was about puberty青春期 --
137
439765
2877
關個仔喺青春期多啲。
07:35
being difficult困難.
138
443005
1441
07:36
It's what they do at that age年齡.
139
444470
1763
到嗰個年齡就係咁㗎啦,
07:38
It will pass透過."
140
446792
1274
而且會過去嘅。」
07:41
What this man shows顯示 us
141
449462
1856
呢個男人使我哋明白
07:43
is that when something goes wrong,
142
451342
2588
有啲事唔順利時
07:46
we should not immediately即刻 think
143
454564
1601
唔好即刻諗
07:48
it is because the family家庭
is a little different不同.
144
456189
2407
係因為屋企有啲唔同
07:51
These things happen發生 in all families家庭.
145
459330
3086
查實個個屋企都會有啲嘢唔同
07:55
And every now and then,
146
463936
1490
而且
07:57
all parents父母 may可能 wonder:
147
465818
1677
所有嘅父母都想知
08:00
Am I a good enough parent父母?
148
468412
2029
佢哋做阿爸阿媽夠唔夠稱職
08:03
These parents父母, too.
149
471164
1324
我哋研究嘅父母亦會咁問
08:05
They, above以上 all, wanted to do
what's best最好 for their佢哋 child孩子.
150
473099
4093
畢竟,佢哋都想畀仔女最好嘅嘢
08:09
But they also sometimes有時 wondered:
151
477748
1895
佢哋有時亦會諗
08:12
Am I a real真正 parent父母?
152
480034
1776
我係咪一個真正嘅阿爸阿媽?
08:14
And their佢哋 uncertainties不塙定性 were present目前
long before they even were parents父母.
153
482288
3969
佢哋喺做爸爸媽媽之前就唔確定
08:18
At the start初時 of treatment治療,
154
486281
1432
個療程啱啱開始時
08:19
when they first saw the counselor顧問,
155
487737
1715
佢哋第一次去見諮詢師時
08:22
they paid支付 close關閉 attention注意
to the counselor顧問,
156
490146
2695
佢哋就聽得好專心
08:24
because they wanted to do it right.
157
492865
2007
事關佢哋好想做得好
08:27
Even 10 years later之後,
158
495853
1478
甚至十年後
08:30
they still remember記得
the advice建議 they were given.
159
498053
2619
佢哋仲記得當初收到嘅建議
08:36
So when they thought about the counselor顧問
160
504981
2901
所以佢哋諗起嗰個諮詢師
08:40
and the advice建議 they were given,
161
508854
1799
同佢畀嘅建議
08:42
we discussed討論 that.
162
510677
1163
我哋就討論下
08:43
And we saw one lesbian女同 couple夫婦 who said,
163
511864
3564
有一對女同性戀夫婦講:
08:48
"When our son asks問吓 us,
164
516627
1604
「我哋嘅仔仔問我哋︰
08:50
'Do I have a dad老竇?'
165
518255
2049
『我有冇阿爸?』
08:53
we will say 'No"沒有, you do not have a dad老竇.'
166
521482
2812
我哋會話:『唔,你冇阿爸。』
08:56
But we will say nothing more,
not unless除左 he asks問吓,
167
524839
3068
但係我哋唔會再講咩,除非佢再問,
09:00
because he might可能 not be ready準備 for that.
168
528287
2028
事關佢可能未準備好接受嗰個答案。
09:02
The counselor顧問 said so."
169
530339
1500
嗰個諮詢師都話係咁。」
09:05
Well.
170
533350
1170
09:07
I don't know; that's quite都幾 different不同
171
535091
1902
呢個同我哋一般
09:09
from how we respond響應
to children's兒童 questions個問題.
172
537017
2693
解答細路嘅問題好唔一樣
09:12
Like, "Milk牛奶 -- is that made作出 in a factory?"
173
540473
2801
譬如「牛奶係咪喺工廠裡邊造出嚟?」
09:15
We will say, "No, it comes from cows,"
174
543783
3162
我哋會話「唔係,
牛奶喺奶牛個度出嚟嘅。」
09:18
and we will talk about the farmer農民,
175
546969
1756
然後我哋會講下農民
09:20
and the way the milk牛奶 ends結束 up in the shop.
176
548749
2223
同牛奶點樣去到商店
09:23
We will not say,
177
551806
1547
我哋唔會講
09:26
"No, milk牛奶 is not made作出 in a factory."
178
554102
3608
「唔係,牛奶唔係喺工廠度
整出嚟嘅。」
09:32
So something strange奇怪 happened發生 here,
179
560042
2430
所以就有怪事發生
09:34
and of course課程 these children孩子 noticed注意 that.
180
562496
2358
啲細路都發覺到
09:37
One boy男孩 said,
181
565571
1285
一個男仔講︰
09:39
"I asked問吓 my parents父母 loads負荷 of questions個問題,
182
567445
2392
「我問我爸媽好多問題,
09:41
but they acted行動 really weird奇怪.
183
569861
1809
但係佢哋嘅反應得好奇怪。
09:44
So, you know, I have a friend朋友 at school學校,
and she's made作出 in the same相同 way.
184
572788
3944
我喺學校有個朋友,
佢亦係捐贈受孕出世嘅。
09:49
When I have a question個問題,
I just go and ask問吓 her."
185
577241
3000
我有嘢想問時, 就直頭去問佢。」
09:53
Clever guy.
186
581760
1208
叻仔!
09:55
Problem個問題 solved解決.
187
583630
1297
問題就咁解決咗
09:57
But his parents父母 did not notice通知,
188
585765
2584
但係佢嘅父母都唔覺得係咁
10:00
and it certainly梗係 was not
what they had in mind介意,
189
588875
2582
佢哋同個諮詢師討論建立
10:03
nor what the counselor顧問 had in mind介意
190
591481
1934
一個開放式溝通嘅家庭時
10:05
when they were saying how important重要
it is to be an open-communication開放式通信 family家庭.
191
593439
5197
應該冇諗到呢個情況
10:12
And that's the strange奇怪 thing about advice建議.
192
600462
2254
畀人哋意見就係奇怪
10:14
When we offer提供 people pills,
we gather收集 evidence證據 first.
193
602740
3296
我哋同人開藥時,會先收集證據
10:18
We do tests測試,
194
606536
1256
再做化驗
10:19
we do follow-up後續行動 studies研究.
195
607816
1301
再做後續研究
10:21
We want to know, and rightly so,
what this pill is doing
196
609141
3927
我哋要知道個藥丸有咩作用
10:25
and how it affects影響 people's人民 lives生活.
197
613092
2496
同會點影響病人嘅生活
10:28
And advice建議?
198
616035
1321
至於畀意見呢?
10:30
It is not enough for advice建議,
199
618748
1846
專家畀意見
10:32
or for professionals專業人士 to give advice建議
that is theoretically理論上 sound聲音,
200
620618
4823
唔應該就係理論上好好
10:37
or well-meant正意味.
201
625465
1301
或者有善意,就得喇
10:39
It should be advice建議
that there is evidence證據 for --
202
627447
3381
畀出嘅意見應該有
10:42
evidence證據 that it actually講真
improves提高 patients'患者 ' lives生活.
203
630852
3901
真正改善人嘅生活嘅證據
10:48
So the philosopher哲學家 in me
would now like to offer提供 you a paradox悖論:
204
636174
4563
身為一個哲學家
我想畀大家一個悖論諗下:
10:54
I advise建議 you to stop following以下 advice建議.
205
642308
4084
我建議大家唔再聽從任何建議
10:59
But, yes.
206
647897
1392
11:02
(Applause掌聲)
207
650221
2917
(掌聲)
11:06
I will not end結束 here with what went wrong;
208
654591
2563
我唔想講完咩錯咗就停低
11:09
I would not be doing justice正義
to the warmth溫暖 we found發現 in those families家庭.
209
657178
4236
咁係對唔住我哋研究嘅咁溫暖嘅家庭
11:14
Remember記得 the books
and the trip旅行 to the farmer農民?
210
662931
2630
仲記唔記得
嗰啲自製書同去農場嘅郊遊?
11:17
When parents父母 do things that work for them,
211
665585
3614
父母做適合啲仔女嘅嘢時
11:21
they do brilliant輝煌 things.
212
669572
1573
佢哋做得好叻
11:24
What I want you to remember記得
as members成員 of families家庭,
213
672391
3643
我想大家記住,作為家庭嘅一份子
11:28
in no matter個問題 what form形式 or shape形狀,
214
676058
2491
無論個屋企係咩形式
11:30
is that what families家庭 need
are warm溫暖 relationships關係.
215
678930
5347
屋企人需要互相關愛
11:37
And we do not need to be
professionals專業人士 to create創建 those.
216
685409
3461
冇專業人士嘅指導
11:41
Most of us do just fine,
217
689644
2302
我哋都會做得好好
11:44
although雖然 it may可能 be hard努力 work,
218
692986
1709
雖然可能會好難
11:47
and from time to time,
we can do with some advice建議.
219
695038
2870
時不時,仲要聽下其他人嘅意見
11:51
In that case情況下,
220
699209
1271
所以
11:52
bear in mind介意 three things.
221
700504
2023
記住三件事
11:55
Work with advice建議
that works工程 for your family家庭.
222
703760
3287
聽取適合你屋企人嘅意見
12:00
Remember記得 -- you're the expert專家,
because you live your family家庭 life.
223
708008
5478
記住,你係專家
事關呢個係你同你家人嘅生活
12:06
And finally最後,
224
714681
1284
收屘
12:08
believe in your abilities能力
and your creativity創造力,
225
716478
3990
相信你自己嘅能力同創意
12:13
because you can do it yourself自己.
226
721027
3345
你自己搞得掂
12:17
Thank you.
227
725259
1154
多謝
12:18
(Applause掌聲)
228
726437
6478
(鼓掌)
Translated by Yingyan Chan
Reviewed by Sylvia He

▲Back to top

ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Veerle Provoost - Bioethicist
Veerle Provoost studies genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Why you should listen

Veerle Provoost is a professor at the Bioethics Institute Ghent of Ghent University and a member of the Network on Ethics of Families. For her current research she coordinates a team of researchers who work on a study about genetic and social parenthood in the context of donor conception.

Using empirical research methods and Socratic conversation techniques, Provoost studies how professionals and ordinary people reason about health and how they make decisions in health-related contexts. In her courses on empirical research methods for ethics and bioethics, she teaches students how to look beyond mere experiences or general attitudes and to explore the principles and values that guide people's reasoning and decision-making. Her research shows that patients may bring their own sets of principles when making medical decisions, principles that may be very different from what medical staff anticipated and may feature around moral elements that may completely escape the attention of ethicists. For one, the moral reasoning of everyday people is centered more around relationships than around the principles that are at the core of scholarly bioethics.

In her talk TEDxGhent talk, she explains how we can gain valuable insights from families of children conceived with donor sperm and their views about what a family really is. These alternative families teach us what matters most in the decisions we all make for our children, whether or not they are genetically related to us. The parents and children she studied created their own family stories (about how their families were made) in highly diverse but very creative ways. However, some parents thought that they should strictly follow the advice of experts in their communication with their children. Because of that, they discounted their own competence. Based on her research experience, Provoost warns us for the negative effects of problematizing these families. Because no matter what a family looks like, or how it is made, parents should believe in their abilities and their creativity. As they know their families best, they are the real experts in how to find the best way to tell their own family story to their own child.

More profile about the speaker
Veerle Provoost | Speaker | TED.com