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Vincent Cochetel: I was held hostage for 317 days. Here's what I thought about…
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Vincent Cochetel was held hostage for 317 days in 1998, while working for the UN High Commissioner on Refugees in Chechnya. For the first time, he recounts the experience — from what it was like to live in a dark, underground chamber, chained to his bed, to the unexpected conversations he had with his captors. With lyricism and power, he explains why he continues his work today. Since 2000, attacks on humanitarian aid workers have tripled — and he wonders what that rise may signal to the world.
Vincent Cochetel - Humanitarian
Vincent Cochetel is the Director of the Bureau for Europe at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR). Full bio
Vincent Cochetel is the Director of the Bureau for Europe at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR). Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
I cannot forget them.
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Their names were Aslan, Alik, Andrei,
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Fernanda, Fred, Galina, Gunnhild,
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Hans, Ingeborg, Matti, Natalya,
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Nancy, Sheryl, Usman, Zarema,
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and the list is longer.
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For many, their existence,
their humanity,
their humanity,
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has been reduced to statistics,
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coldly recorded as "security incidents."
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For me, they were colleagues
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belonging to that community
of humanitarian aid workers
of humanitarian aid workers
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that tried to bring a bit of comfort
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to the victims of the wars
in Chechnya in the '90s.
in Chechnya in the '90s.
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They were nurses, logisticians,
shelter experts,
shelter experts,
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paralegals, interpreters.
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And for this service, they were murdered,
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their families torn apart,
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and their story largely forgotten.
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No one was ever sentenced
for these crimes.
for these crimes.
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I cannot forget them.
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They live in me somehow,
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their memories giving me
meaning every day.
meaning every day.
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But they are also haunting
the dark street of my mind.
the dark street of my mind.
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As humanitarian aid workers,
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they made the choice
to be at the side of the victim,
to be at the side of the victim,
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to provide some assistance,
some comfort, some protection,
some comfort, some protection,
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but when they needed
protection themselves,
protection themselves,
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it wasn't there.
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When you see the headlines
of your newspaper these days
of your newspaper these days
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with the war in Iraq or in Syria --
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aid worker abducted, hostage executed --
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but who were they?
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Why were they there?
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What motivated them?
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How did we become
so indifferent to these crimes?
so indifferent to these crimes?
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This is why I am here today with you.
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We need to find better ways
to remember them.
to remember them.
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We also need to explain the key values
to which they dedicated their lives.
to which they dedicated their lives.
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We also need to demand justice.
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When in '96 I was sent
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by the United Nations High Commissioner
for Refugees to the North Caucasus,
for Refugees to the North Caucasus,
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I knew some of the risks.
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Five colleagues had been killed,
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three had been seriously injured,
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seven had already been taken hostage.
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So we were careful.
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We were using armored
vehicles, decoy cars,
vehicles, decoy cars,
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changing patterns of travel,
changing homes,
changing homes,
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all sorts of security measures.
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Yet on a cold winter night
of January '98, it was my turn.
of January '98, it was my turn.
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When I entered my flat
in Vladikavkaz with a guard,
in Vladikavkaz with a guard,
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we were surrounded by armed men.
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They took the guard,
they put him on the floor,
they put him on the floor,
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they beat him up in front of me,
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tied him, dragged him away.
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I was handcuffed, blindfolded,
and forced to kneel,
and forced to kneel,
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as the silencer of a gun
pressed against my neck.
pressed against my neck.
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When it happens to you,
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there is no time for thinking,
no time for praying.
no time for praying.
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My brain went on automatic,
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rewinding quickly
the life I'd just left behind.
the life I'd just left behind.
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It took me long minutes to figure out
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that those masked men there
were not there to kill me,
were not there to kill me,
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but that someone, somewhere,
had ordered my kidnapping.
had ordered my kidnapping.
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Then a process of dehumanization
started that day.
started that day.
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I was no more than just a commodity.
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I normally don't talk about this,
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but I'd like to share a bit with you
some of those 317 days of captivity.
some of those 317 days of captivity.
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I was kept in an underground cellar,
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total darkness,
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for 23 hours and 45 minutes every day,
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and then the guards
would come, normally two.
would come, normally two.
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They would bring a big piece of bread,
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a bowl of soup, and a candle.
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That candle would burn for 15 minutes,
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15 minutes of precious light,
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and then they would take it away,
and I returned to darkness.
and I returned to darkness.
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I was chained by a metal cable to my bed.
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I could do only four small steps.
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I always dreamt of the fifth one.
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And no TV, no radio,
no newspaper, no one to talk to.
no newspaper, no one to talk to.
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I had no towel, no soap, no toilet paper,
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just two metal buckets open,
one for water, for one waste.
one for water, for one waste.
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Can you imagine that mock execution
can be a pastime for guards
can be a pastime for guards
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when they are sadistic
or when they are just bored or drunk?
or when they are just bored or drunk?
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We are breaking my nerves very slowly.
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Isolation and darkness
are particularly difficult to describe.
are particularly difficult to describe.
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How do you describe nothing?
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There are no words for the depths
of loneliness I reached
of loneliness I reached
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in that very thin border
between sanity and madness.
between sanity and madness.
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In the darkness, sometimes
I played imaginary games of checkers.
I played imaginary games of checkers.
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I would start with the black,
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play with the white,
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back to the black
trying to trick the other side.
trying to trick the other side.
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I don't play checkers anymore.
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I was tormented by the thoughts of my
family and my colleague, the guard, Edik.
family and my colleague, the guard, Edik.
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I didn't know what had happened to him.
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I was trying not to think,
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I tried to fill up my time
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by doing all sorts of physical
exercise on the spot.
exercise on the spot.
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I tried to pray, I tried all sorts
of memorization games.
of memorization games.
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But darkness also creates images
and thoughts that are not normal.
and thoughts that are not normal.
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One part of your brain wants you
to resist, to shout, to cry,
to resist, to shout, to cry,
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and the other part of the brain
orders you to shut up
orders you to shut up
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and just go through it.
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It's a constant internal debate;
there is no one to arbitrate.
there is no one to arbitrate.
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Once a guard came to me,
very aggressively, and he told me,
very aggressively, and he told me,
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"Today you're going to kneel
and beg for your food."
and beg for your food."
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I wasn't in a good mood,
so I insulted him.
so I insulted him.
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I insulted his mother,
I insulted his ancestors.
I insulted his ancestors.
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The consequence was moderate:
he threw the food into my waste.
he threw the food into my waste.
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The day after he came back
with the same demand.
with the same demand.
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He got the same answer,
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which had the same consequence.
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Four days later,
the body was full of pain.
the body was full of pain.
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I didn't know hunger hurt so much
when you have so little.
when you have so little.
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So when the guards came down,
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I knelt.
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I begged for my food.
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Submission was the only way for me
to make it to another candle.
to make it to another candle.
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After my kidnapping,
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I was transferred
from North Ossetia to Chechnya,
from North Ossetia to Chechnya,
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three days of slow travel
in the trunks of different cars,
in the trunks of different cars,
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and upon arrival, I was interrogated
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for 11 days by a guy called Ruslan.
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The routine was always the same:
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a bit more light, 45 minutes.
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He would come down to the cellar,
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he would ask the guards
to tie me on the chair,
to tie me on the chair,
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and he would turn on the music loud.
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And then he would yell questions.
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He would scream. He would beat me.
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I'll spare you the details.
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There are many questions
I could not understand,
I could not understand,
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and there are some questions
I did not want to understand.
I did not want to understand.
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The length of the interrogation
was the duration of the tape:
was the duration of the tape:
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15 songs, 45 minutes.
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I would always long for the last song.
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On one day, one night in that cellar,
I don't know what it was,
I don't know what it was,
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I heard a child crying above my head,
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a boy, maybe two or three years old.
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Footsteps, confusion, people running.
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So when Ruslan came the day after,
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before he put the first question to me,
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I asked him, "How is your son today?
Is he feeling better?"
Is he feeling better?"
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Ruslan was taken by surprise.
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He was furious that the guards
may have leaked some details
may have leaked some details
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about his private life.
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I kept talking about NGOs
supplying medicines to local clinics
supplying medicines to local clinics
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that may help his son to get better.
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And we talked about education,
we talked about families.
we talked about families.
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He talked to me about his children.
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I talked to him about my daughters.
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And then he'd talk about guns,
about cars, about women,
about cars, about women,
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and I had to talk about guns,
about cars, about women.
about cars, about women.
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And we talked until
the last song on the tape.
the last song on the tape.
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Ruslan was the most brutal man I ever met.
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He did not touch me anymore.
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He did not ask any other questions.
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I was no longer just a commodity.
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Two days after, I was transferred
to another place.
to another place.
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There, a guard came to me,
very close -- it was quite unusual --
very close -- it was quite unusual --
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and he said with
a very soft voice, he said,
a very soft voice, he said,
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"I'd like to thank you
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for the assistance your organization
provided my family
provided my family
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when we were displaced
in nearby Dagestan."
in nearby Dagestan."
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What could I possibly reply?
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It was so painful.
It was like a blade in the belly.
It was like a blade in the belly.
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It took me weeks of internal thinking
to try to reconcile
to try to reconcile
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the good reasons we had
to assist that family
to assist that family
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and the soldier of fortune he became.
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He was young, he was shy.
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I never saw his face.
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He probably meant well.
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But in those 15 seconds,
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he made me question everything we did,
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all the sacrifices.
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He made me think also how they see us.
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Until then, I had assumed
that they know why we are there
that they know why we are there
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and what we are doing.
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One cannot assume this.
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Well, explaining why we do this
is not that easy,
is not that easy,
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even to our closest relatives.
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We are not perfect, we are not superior,
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we are not the world's fire brigade,
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we are not superheroes,
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we don't stop wars,
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we know that humanitarian response is not
a substitute for political solution.
a substitute for political solution.
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Yet we do this because one life matters.
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Sometimes that's the only
difference you make --
difference you make --
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one individual, one family,
a small group of individuals --
a small group of individuals --
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and it matters.
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When you have a tsunami,
an earthquake or a typhoon,
an earthquake or a typhoon,
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you see teams of rescuers
coming from all over the world,
coming from all over the world,
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searching for survivors for weeks.
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Why? Nobody questions this.
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Every life matters,
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or every life should matter.
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This is the same for us
when we help refugees,
when we help refugees,
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people displaced within their country
by conflict, or stateless persons,
by conflict, or stateless persons,
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I know many people,
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when they are confronted
by overwhelming suffering,
by overwhelming suffering,
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they feel powerless and they stop there.
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It's a pity, because there are
so many ways people can help.
so many ways people can help.
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We don't stop with that feeling.
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We try to do whatever we can
to provide some assistance,
to provide some assistance,
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some protection, some comfort.
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We have to.
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We can't do otherwise.
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It's what makes us feel,
I don't know, simply human.
I don't know, simply human.
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That's a picture of me
the day of my release.
the day of my release.
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Months after my release,
I met the then-French prime minister.
I met the then-French prime minister.
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The second thing he told me:
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"You were totally irresponsible
to go to the North Caucasus.
to go to the North Caucasus.
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You don't know how many
problems you've created for us."
problems you've created for us."
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It was a short meeting.
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(Laughter)
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I think helping people
in danger is responsible.
in danger is responsible.
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In that war, that nobody
seriously wanted to stop,
seriously wanted to stop,
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and we have many of these today,
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bringing some assistance to people in need
and a bit of protection
and a bit of protection
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was not just an act of humanity,
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it was making a real difference
for the people.
for the people.
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Why could he not understand this?
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We have a responsibility to try.
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You've heard about that concept:
Responsibility to Protect.
Responsibility to Protect.
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Outcomes may depend
on various parameters.
on various parameters.
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We may even fail,
but there is worse than failing --
but there is worse than failing --
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it's not even trying when we can.
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Well, if you are met this way,
if you sign up for this sort of job,
if you sign up for this sort of job,
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your life is going to be full
of joy and sadness,
of joy and sadness,
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because there are a lot of people
we cannot help,
we cannot help,
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a lot of people we cannot protect,
a lot of people we did not save.
a lot of people we did not save.
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I call them my ghost,
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and by having witnessed
their suffering from close,
their suffering from close,
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you take a bit
of that suffering on yourself.
of that suffering on yourself.
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Many young humanitarian workers
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go through their first experience
with a lot of bitterness.
with a lot of bitterness.
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They are thrown into situations
where they are witness,
where they are witness,
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but they are powerless
to bring any change.
to bring any change.
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They have to learn to accept it
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and gradually turn this
into positive energy.
into positive energy.
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14:18
It's difficult.
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14:20
Many don't succeed,
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14:22
but for those who do,
there is no other job like this.
there is no other job like this.
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You can see the difference
you make every day.
you make every day.
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Humanitarian aid workers
know the risk they are taking
know the risk they are taking
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14:34
in conflict areas or
in post-conflict environments,
in post-conflict environments,
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yet our life, our job, is becoming
increasingly life-threatening,
increasingly life-threatening,
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and the sanctity of our life is fading.
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14:51
Do you know that since the millennium,
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14:54
the number of attacks on humanitarian
aid workers has tripled?
aid workers has tripled?
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14:59
2013 broke new records:
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15:03
155 colleagues killed,
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3272
15:06
171 seriously wounded,
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894383
3134
15:09
134 abducted.
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3458
15:13
So many broken lives.
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3803
15:17
Until the beginning of the civil war
in Somalia in the late '80s,
in Somalia in the late '80s,
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5202
15:22
humanitarian aid workers
were sometimes victims
were sometimes victims
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4110
15:26
of what we call collateral damages,
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1997
15:28
but by and large we were not
the target of these attacks.
the target of these attacks.
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15:32
This has changed.
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1554
15:33
Look at this picture.
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15:35
Baghdad, August 2003:
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24 colleagues were killed.
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2765
15:40
Gone are the days when
a U.N. blue flag or a Red Cross
a U.N. blue flag or a Red Cross
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3526
15:44
would automatically protect us.
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3776
15:47
Criminal groups and some political groups
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15:51
have cross-fertilized
over the last 20 years,
over the last 20 years,
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15:54
and they've created these sort of hybrids
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15:57
with whom we have no way of communicating.
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16:00
Humanitarian principles are tested,
questioned, and often ignored,
questioned, and often ignored,
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16:05
but perhaps more importantly,
we have abandoned the search for justice.
we have abandoned the search for justice.
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16:10
There seems to be
no consequence whatsoever
no consequence whatsoever
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16:13
for attacks against
humanitarian aid workers.
humanitarian aid workers.
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3465
16:16
After my release, I was told
not to seek any form of justice.
not to seek any form of justice.
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4360
16:21
It won't do you any good,
that's what I was told.
that's what I was told.
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3227
16:24
Plus, you're going to put in danger
the life of other colleagues.
the life of other colleagues.
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4089
16:29
It took me years to see the sentencing
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3161
16:32
of three people associated
with my kidnapping,
with my kidnapping,
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4291
16:37
but this was the exception.
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2536
16:39
There was no justice for any
of the humanitarian aid workers
of the humanitarian aid workers
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4519
16:44
killed or abducted in Chechnya
between '95 and '99,
between '95 and '99,
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16:48
and it's the same all over the world.
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2628
16:52
This is unacceptable.
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16:54
This is inexcusable.
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16:56
Attacks on humanitarian aid workers
are war crimes in international law.
are war crimes in international law.
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17:01
Those crimes should not go unpunished.
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3088
17:04
We must end this cycle of impunity.
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17:06
We must consider that those attacks
against humanitarian aid workers
against humanitarian aid workers
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17:10
are attacks against humanity itself.
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17:14
That makes me furious.
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3625
17:18
I know I'm very lucky
compared to the refugees I work for.
compared to the refugees I work for.
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4714
17:24
I don't know what it is to have seen
my whole town destroyed.
my whole town destroyed.
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3627
17:28
I don't know what it is to have seen
my relatives shot in front of me.
my relatives shot in front of me.
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1036041
4064
17:32
I don't know what it is to lose
the protection of my country.
the protection of my country.
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4249
17:36
I also know that I'm very lucky
compared to other hostages.
compared to other hostages.
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4295
17:40
Four days before my eventful release,
four hostages were beheaded
four hostages were beheaded
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5682
17:46
a few miles away from where
I was kept in captivity.
I was kept in captivity.
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4395
17:50
Why them?
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2204
17:52
Why am I here today?
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2661
17:56
No easy answer.
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3789
18:00
I was received with a lot of support
that I got from my relatives,
that I got from my relatives,
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3613
18:04
from colleagues, from friends,
from people I didn't know.
from people I didn't know.
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3819
18:07
They have helped me over the years
to come out of the darkness.
to come out of the darkness.
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3519
18:12
Not everyone was treated
with the same attention.
with the same attention.
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3268
18:16
How many of my colleagues,
after a traumatic incident,
after a traumatic incident,
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3625
18:19
took their own life?
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3276
18:23
I can count nine that I knew personally.
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3729
18:26
How many of my colleagues
went through a difficult divorce
went through a difficult divorce
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3728
18:30
after a traumatic experience
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2934
18:33
because they could not explain
anything anymore to their spouse?
anything anymore to their spouse?
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4728
18:38
I've lost that count.
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2454
18:40
There is a price for this type of life.
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3560
18:44
In Russia, all war monuments have
this beautiful inscription at the top.
this beautiful inscription at the top.
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18:48
It says, (In Russian)
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4109
18:52
"No one is forgotten,
nothing is forgotten."
nothing is forgotten."
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3251
18:57
I do not forget my lost colleagues.
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19:00
I cannot forget anything.
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2336
19:02
I call on you to remember their dedication
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3213
19:06
and demand that humanitarian
aid workers around the world
aid workers around the world
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19:09
be better protected.
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2577
19:12
We should not let that light of hope
they have brought to be switched off.
they have brought to be switched off.
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5596
19:17
After my ordeal, a lot of colleagues
asked me, "But why do you continue?
asked me, "But why do you continue?
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19:22
Why do you do this sort of job?
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2206
19:24
Why do you have to go back to it?"
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19:27
My answer was very simple:
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2495
19:30
If I had quit,
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2470
19:32
that would have meant
my kidnapper had won.
my kidnapper had won.
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4017
19:36
They would have taken my soul
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2351
19:38
and my humanity.
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2275
19:41
Thank you.
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19:43
(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Vincent Cochetel - HumanitarianVincent Cochetel is the Director of the Bureau for Europe at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR).
Why you should listen
Vincent Cochetel is the Director of the Bureau for Europe at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR). There he focuses on the specific challenges of the region — maintaining quality in asylum-seeking procedures, ensuring access to protection for those fleeing the conflict in Syria, combatting a rise in xenophobia, and allocating resources for those affected by conflicts of the past.
In 1998, Cochetel was kidnapped near Chechnya. For 317 days, he was chained to a bed frame in a cellar and deprived of light. But far from withdrawing from humanitarian work, the experience made him more determined than ever to improve the rights of refugees worldwide. He has written articles on numerous refugee issues and contributed to the drafting of several UNHCR training manuals related to staff safety, emergency management, and protection.
Vincent Cochetel | Speaker | TED.com