TEDMED 2013
Andrew Solomon: Love, no matter what
Andrew Solomon: Ljubi, ne glede na vse
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Kako je vzgajati otroka, ki je na nek temeljen način drugačen od tebe (kot so genialni otroci ali otrok z drugačnimi zmožnostmi ali zločinci)? V tem tihem in ganljivem govoru, pisatelj Andrew Solomon z nami deli, kaj se je naučil prek pogovorov z ducati staršev in spraševanjem: Kaj je meja med brezpogojno ljubeznijo in brezpogojnim sprejemanjem?
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
"Even in purely non-religious terms,
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"Tudi izven verskega pomena,
00:16
homosexuality represents a misuse of the sexual faculty.
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homoseksualnost predstavlja zlorabo
seksualne zmožnosti.
seksualne zmožnosti.
00:22
It is a pathetic little second-rate substitute for reality --
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Je patetičen in drugorazredni
nadomestek za realnost --
nadomestek za realnost --
00:27
a pitiable flight from life.
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usmiljenja vreden beg pred življenjem.
00:29
As such, it deserves no compassion,
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Kot tak si ne zasluži sočutja,
00:33
it deserves no treatment
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ne zasluži obravnave
00:36
as minority martyrdom,
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kot mučeništvo manjšine,
00:38
and it deserves not to be deemed anything but a pernicious sickness."
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in nanj bi morali gledati izključno
kot na škodljivo bolezen."
kot na škodljivo bolezen."
00:45
That's from Time magazine in 1966, when I was three years old.
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To je iz revije Time iz leta 1966,
ko sem imel 3 leta.
ko sem imel 3 leta.
00:50
And last year, the president of the United States
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Lani je predsednik ZDA,
00:54
came out in favor of gay marriage.
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javno podprl istospolne poroke.
00:57
(Applause)
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[Aplavz]
01:04
And my question is, how did we get from there to here?
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Moje vprašanje je,
kako smo prišli od tam do tukaj?
kako smo prišli od tam do tukaj?
01:10
How did an illness become an identity?
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Kako je bolezen postala identiteta?
01:15
When I was perhaps six years old,
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Ko sem imel okoli 6 let,
01:18
I went to a shoe store with my mother and my brother.
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sem šel kupovat čevlje
z mojo mamo in bratom.
z mojo mamo in bratom.
01:21
And at the end of buying our shoes,
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Po koncu nakupov,
01:23
the salesman said to us that we could each have a balloon to take home.
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je prodajalec rekel, da lahko
vsak od nas domov vzame balon.
vsak od nas domov vzame balon.
01:27
My brother wanted a red balloon, and I wanted a pink balloon.
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Moj brat si je zaželel rdeč balon
in jaz sem si zaželel rožnatega.
in jaz sem si zaželel rožnatega.
01:32
My mother said that she thought I'd really rather have a blue balloon.
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Moja mama je rekla, da bi v resnici
verjetno raje imel moder balon.
verjetno raje imel moder balon.
01:37
But I said that I definitely wanted the pink one.
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Ampak jaz sem ji zatrdil,
da bi resnično raje rožnatega.
da bi resnično raje rožnatega.
01:40
And she reminded me that my favorite color was blue.
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Spomnila me je,
da je moja najljubša barva modra.
da je moja najljubša barva modra.
01:46
The fact that my favorite color now is blue, but I'm still gay --
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Dejstvo, da je modra danes moja
najljubša barva, a sem še vedno gej --
najljubša barva, a sem še vedno gej --
01:51
(Laughter) --
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(smeh) --
01:54
is evidence of both my mother's influence and its limits.
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Je dokaz o velikem vplivu moje matere
in o mejah tega vpliva.
in o mejah tega vpliva.
01:58
(Laughter)
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(smeh)
02:00
(Applause)
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(aplavz)
02:07
When I was little, my mother used to say,
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Ko sem bil majhen, je moja mama govorila:
02:10
"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling in the world.
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"Ljubezen do svojih otrok je drugačna
od vseh drugih občutkov na svetu."
od vseh drugih občutkov na svetu."
02:14
And until you have children, you don't know what it's like."
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"Dokler sam nimaš otrok, ne veš, kako je."
02:17
And when I was little, I took it as the greatest compliment in the world
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in ko sem bil majhen
je zame največji poklon,
je zame največji poklon,
02:21
that she would say that about parenting my brother and me.
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da je to govorila o vzgajanju
mene in mojega brata.
mene in mojega brata.
02:24
And when I was an adolescent, I thought
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In ko sem bil mladostnik, sem si mislil,
02:26
that I'm gay, and so I probably can't have a family.
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da sem gej in da najbrž
ne bom mogel imeti družine.
ne bom mogel imeti družine.
02:30
And when she said it, it made me anxious.
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In kadar je to rekla,
me je prevzela tesnoba.
me je prevzela tesnoba.
02:32
And after I came out of the closet,
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In ko sem javno priznal,
02:33
when she continued to say it, it made me furious.
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ona pa je še naprej govorila,
me je to razbesnelo.
me je to razbesnelo.
02:37
I said, "I'm gay. That's not the direction that I'm headed in.
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Rekel sem: "Gej sem. To najbrž
ni pot po kateri bom šel.
ni pot po kateri bom šel.
02:41
And I want you to stop saying that."
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in rad bi, da nehaš tako govoriti."
02:47
About 20 years ago, I was asked by my editors at The New York Times Magazine
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Pred 20 leti, so me moji uredniki pri
New York Timesu prosili,
New York Timesu prosili,
02:52
to write a piece about deaf culture.
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da napišem članek o "kulturi gluhih".
02:54
And I was rather taken aback.
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To me je presenetilo.
02:56
I had thought of deafness entirely as an illness.
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Biti gluh je bilo zame zgolj bolezen.
02:58
Those poor people, they couldn't hear.
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Ti ubogi ljudje, ne morejo slišati,
03:00
They lacked hearing, and what could we do for them?
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kaj lahko naredimo za njih.
03:03
And then I went out into the deaf world.
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Potem sem pričel spoznavati
kulturo gluhih.
kulturo gluhih.
03:05
I went to deaf clubs.
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Šel sem v klube za gluhe,
03:07
I saw performances of deaf theater and of deaf poetry.
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videl predstave teatra za gluhe
in poezije za gluhe.
in poezije za gluhe.
03:11
I even went to the Miss Deaf America contest in Nashville, Tennessee
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Šel sem celo na tekmovanje
Miss Amerike gluhih v Tennesse,
Miss Amerike gluhih v Tennesse,
03:17
where people complained about that slurry Southern signing.
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kjer so se ljudje pritoževali,
nad popačenim južnjaškim znakovanjem.
nad popačenim južnjaškim znakovanjem.
03:21
(Laughter)
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[smeh]
03:25
And as I plunged deeper and deeper into the deaf world,
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Bolj, ko sem spoznaval svet gluhih,
03:29
I become convinced that deafness was a culture
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bolj sem postajal prepričan,
da je biti gluh kultura
da je biti gluh kultura
03:32
and that the people in the deaf world who said,
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in da tisti, ki so pravili:
03:35
"We don't lack hearing, we have membership in a culture,"
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"Nismo smo brez sluha, smo člani neke kulture,"
03:38
were saying something that was viable.
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sporočali nekaj pomembnega.
03:41
It wasn't my culture,
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To ni bila moja kultura,
03:42
and I didn't particularly want to rush off and join it,
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in nisem se ji pretirano želel pridružiti.
03:45
but I appreciated that it was a culture
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Vendar pa sem cenil, da je kultura
03:48
and that for the people who were members of it,
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in da je njenim članom tako pomembna
03:50
it felt as valuable as Latino culture or gay culture or Jewish culture.
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kot kultura mehičanov ali kultura
gejev ali kultura židov.
gejev ali kultura židov.
03:56
It felt as valid perhaps even as American culture.
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Morda celo enako pomembna
kot ameriška kultura.
kot ameriška kultura.
04:01
Then a friend of a friend of mine had a daughter who was a dwarf.
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Potem je prijateljica mojega prijatelja
rodila pritlikavo hčerko.
rodila pritlikavo hčerko.
04:04
And when her daughter was born,
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Ko je bila njena hčerka rojena,
04:06
she suddenly found herself confronting questions
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se je nenadoma pričela spraševati
o vprašanjih,
o vprašanjih,
04:08
that now began to seem quite resonant to me.
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ki so mi začela zveneti zelo znano.
04:11
She was facing the question of what to do with this child.
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Spraševala se je, kaj naj s tem otrokom.
04:15
Should she say, "You're just like everyone else but a little bit shorter?"
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Naj mu govori: "Tak si kot vsi ostali,
le nekoliko manjši?"
le nekoliko manjši?"
04:18
Or should she try to construct some kind of dwarf identity,
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Ali naj mu pomaga zgraditi nekakšno
pritlikavo identiteto.
pritlikavo identiteto.
04:22
get involved in the Little People of America,
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Se udejstvuje z Malimi Ljudmi Amerike",
04:24
become aware of what was happening for dwarfs?
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se seznani s tem, kar se dogaja
na področju pritlikavcev.
na področju pritlikavcev.
04:27
And I suddenly thought,
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Naenkrat sem pomislil,
04:28
most deaf children are born to hearing parents.
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večina gluhih otrok
se rodi slušečim staršem,
se rodi slušečim staršem,
04:31
Those hearing parents tend to try to cure them.
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ti starši jih navadno poskušajo ozdraviti,
04:34
Those deaf people discover community somehow in adolescence.
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ti gluhi ljudje nekje v mladostništvu
pričnejo odkrivati skupnosti."
pričnejo odkrivati skupnosti."
04:38
Most gay people are born to straight parents.
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Večina gejevskih otrok,
se rodi hetero staršem.
se rodi hetero staršem.
04:40
Those straight parents often want them to function
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Njihovi starši pogosto želijo,
da bi delovali
da bi delovali
04:42
in what they think of as the mainstream world,
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v, po njihovem mnenju, navadnem svetu,
04:45
and those gay people have to discover identity later on.
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geji morajo zato svojo identiteto
odkrivati pozneje.
odkrivati pozneje.
04:48
And here was this friend of mine
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In tu je bila moja prijateljica,
04:50
looking at these questions of identity with her dwarf daughter.
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ki se je spraševala o enakih vprašanjih,
glede svoje hčerke.
glede svoje hčerke.
04:53
And I thought, there it is again:
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In mislil sem si, zopet smo tukaj:
04:55
A family that perceives itself to be normal
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Družina, ki se dojema kot običajna,
04:58
with a child who seems to be extraordinary.
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z otrokom, ki je neobičajen.
05:00
And I hatched the idea that there are really two kinds of identity.
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In prišel sem do zamisli,
da obstajata dve vrsti identitete.
da obstajata dve vrsti identitete.
05:05
There are vertical identities,
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Obstajajo navpične identitete,
05:06
which are passed down generationally from parent to child.
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ki se prenašajo skozi generacije
iz staršev na otroke.
iz staršev na otroke.
05:09
Those are things like ethnicity, frequently nationality, language, often religion.
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To so stvari kot etničnost, narodnost,
jezik in pogosto veroizpoved.
jezik in pogosto veroizpoved.
05:15
Those are things you have in common with your parents and with your children.
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To so stvari, ki so skupne
med starši in njihovimi otroci.
med starši in njihovimi otroci.
05:20
And while some of them can be difficult,
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In čeprav so nekatere od teh težke,
05:22
there's no attempt to cure them.
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ne obstajajo poskusi, da bi jih ozdravili.
05:24
You can argue that it's harder in the United States --
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Lahko trdimo, da je v ZDA težje --
05:27
our current presidency notwithstanding --
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kljub našemu trenutnemu predsedniku --
05:29
to be a person of color.
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biti temnopolta oseba.
05:31
And yet, we have nobody who is trying to ensure
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A kljub temu nihče ne poskuša doseči,
05:34
that the next generation of children born to African-Americans and Asians
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da bi bila naslednja generacija
črnih in azijskih otrok
črnih in azijskih otrok
05:38
come out with creamy skin and yellow hair.
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rojena s kremnato kožo in rumenimi lasmi.
05:41
There are these other identities which you have to learn from a peer group.
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Obstajajo tudi druge identitete, katerih
se naučimo od svojih vrstnikov.
se naučimo od svojih vrstnikov.
05:45
And I call them horizontal identities,
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Imenujem jih vodoravne identitete,
05:48
because the peer group is the horizontal experience.
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ker so sovrstniki vodoravna izkušnja.
05:51
These are identities that are alien to your parents
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To so identitete,
ki so tuje tvojim staršem
ki so tuje tvojim staršem
05:53
and that you have to discover when you get to see them in peers.
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In ki jih odkrivaš, ko jih vidiš
pri vrstnikih.
pri vrstnikih.
05:57
And those identities, those horizontal identities,
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In te identitete, te vodoravne identitete,
06:00
people have almost always tried to cure.
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so ljudje skoraj vedno
poskušali ozdraviti.
poskušali ozdraviti.
06:04
And I wanted to look at what the process is
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In želel sem si ogledati, na kakšen način
06:07
through which people who have those identities
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ljudje, ki imajo te identitete,
06:09
come to a good relationship with them.
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vzpostavijo dober odnos z njimi.
06:12
And it seemed to me that there were three levels of acceptance
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Zdelo sem mi je,
da so trije nivoji sprejemanja
da so trije nivoji sprejemanja
06:16
that needed to take place.
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ki se morajo zgoditi.
06:17
There's self-acceptance, there's family acceptance, and there's social acceptance.
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To so samo-sprejemanje, sprejemanje
v družini in sprejemanje v družbi.
v družini in sprejemanje v družbi.
06:23
And they don't always coincide.
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In ti ne sovpadajo vedno.
06:25
And a lot of the time, people who have these conditions are very angry
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In pogosto so ljudje
v takšnih stanjih zelo jezni,
v takšnih stanjih zelo jezni,
06:29
because they feel as though their parents don't love them,
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ker čutijo, kot da jih
njihovi starši nimajo radi,
njihovi starši nimajo radi,
06:32
when what actually has happened is that their parents don't accept them.
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v resnici pa jih njihovi starši
zgolj ne sprejemajo.
zgolj ne sprejemajo.
06:36
Love is something that ideally is there unconditionally
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Ljubezen je nekaj, kar
idealno obstaja brez pogojev
idealno obstaja brez pogojev
06:40
throughout the relationship between a parent and a child.
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v celotnem odnosu med staršem in otrokom.
06:43
But acceptance is something that takes time.
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Ampak sprejemanje je nekaj,
kar potrebuje čas.
kar potrebuje čas.
06:46
It always takes time.
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Vedno potrebuje čas.
06:48
One of the dwarfs I got to know was a guy named Clinton Brown.
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Eden izmed pritlikavcev,
ki sem jih spoznal, je bil Clinton Brown.
ki sem jih spoznal, je bil Clinton Brown.
06:53
When he was born, he was diagnosed with diastrophic dwarfism,
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Ko je bil rojen, so ga diagnosticirali
z diastrofično pritlikavostjo,
z diastrofično pritlikavostjo,
06:56
a very disabling condition,
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zelo hudo boleznijo,
06:58
and his parents were told that he would never walk, he would never talk,
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in staršem so povedali, da
ne bo nikoli hodil, govoril,
ne bo nikoli hodil, govoril,
07:02
he would have no intellectual capacity,
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da ne bo imel umskih sposobnosti,
07:04
and he would probably not even recognize them.
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in da jih najverjetneje
ne bo niti prepoznal.
ne bo niti prepoznal.
07:06
And it was suggested to them that they leave him at the hospital
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In predlagali so jim,
naj ga pustijo v bolnišnici
naj ga pustijo v bolnišnici
07:10
so that he could die there quietly.
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da lahko tam umre v tišini.
07:12
And his mother said she wasn't going to do it.
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Njegova mama je rekla,
da tega ne bo storila
da tega ne bo storila
07:14
And she took her son home.
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Svojega sina je vzela domov.
07:16
And even though she didn't have a lot of educational or financial advantages,
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In čeprav ni imela izobrazbe
ali finančnih sredstev,
ali finančnih sredstev,
07:19
she found the best doctor in the country
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je našla najboljšega zdravnika v državi
07:21
for dealing with diastrophic dwarfism,
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za obravnavo diastrofične pritlikavosti,
07:24
and she got Clinton enrolled with him.
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in dala Clintona v njegovo oskrbo.
07:26
And in the course of his childhood,
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V svojem otroštvu,
07:28
he had 30 major surgical procedures.
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je imel 30 večjih kirurških posegov.
07:31
And he spent all this time stuck in the hospital
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In ves čas je preždel v bolnišnici
07:33
while he was having those procedures,
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medtem ko je imel te posege,
07:35
as a result of which he now can walk.
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zaradi katerih lahko danes hodi.
07:37
And while he was there, they sent tutors around to help him with his school work.
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In medtem ko je bi tam, so mu
poslali učitelje za pomoč pri učenju.
poslali učitelje za pomoč pri učenju.
07:41
And he worked very hard because there was nothing else to do.
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In zelo trdo je delal, ker ni imel nič
drugega za početi.
drugega za početi.
07:44
And he ended up achieving at a level
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In na koncu dosegel je raven,
07:46
that had never before been contemplated by any member of his family.
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ki si je nihče v njegovi družini
ni predstavljal.
ni predstavljal.
07:50
He was the first one in his family, in fact, to go to college,
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Bil je prvi v svoji družini
ki je šel študirat,
ki je šel študirat,
07:53
where he lived on campus and drove a specially-fitted car
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živel je v kampusu in vozil
posebej prilagojen avto,
posebej prilagojen avto,
07:56
that accommodated his unusual body.
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ki je ustrezal
njegovemu nenavadnemu telesu.
njegovemu nenavadnemu telesu.
07:59
And his mother told me this story of coming home one day --
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Njegova mati je pripovedovala,
da je neki dan prihajala domov -
da je neki dan prihajala domov -
08:02
and he went to college nearby --
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obiskoval je bližnjo univerzo -
08:04
and she said, "I saw that car, which you can always recognize,
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in rekla je: "Videla sem njegov avto,
ki ga takoj prepoznaš,
ki ga takoj prepoznaš,
08:07
in the parking lot of a bar," she said. (Laughter)
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na parkirišču nekega bara," (smeh)
08:11
"And I thought to myself, they're six feet tall, he's three feet tall.
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"In mislila sem si, oni so visoki
1,8 metra, on je visok 1 meter.
1,8 metra, on je visok 1 meter.
08:16
Two beers for them is four beers for him."
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Dva piva za njih, so štiri piva za njega."
08:18
She said, "I knew I couldn't go in there and interrupt him,
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Rekla je: "Vedela sem,
da ga ne smem motiti,
da ga ne smem motiti,
08:21
but I went home, and I left him eight messages on his cell phone."
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zato odšla sem domov in mu pustila
8 sporočil na njegovem telefonu."
8 sporočil na njegovem telefonu."
08:25
She said, "And then I thought,
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"In potem sem pomislila,
08:27
if someone had said to me when he was born
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če bi mi nekdo rekel, ko se je rodil,
08:29
that my future worry would be that he'd go drinking and driving with his college buddies -- "
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da me bo skrbelo, kako bo popival
s svojimi študentskimi kolegi --"
s svojimi študentskimi kolegi --"
08:34
(Applause)
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(aplavz)
08:43
And I said to her, "What do you think you did
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In rekel sem ji: "Kaj misliš,
da si storila,
da si storila,
08:45
that helped him to emerge as this charming, accomplished, wonderful person?"
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da je lahko postal tako prijetna
in uspešna oseba?"
in uspešna oseba?"
08:50
And she said, "What did I do? I loved him, that's all.
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In rekla je, "Kaj sem storila?
Rada sem ga imela, nič drugega.
Rada sem ga imela, nič drugega.
08:54
Clinton just always had that light in him.
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Clinton je vedno imel to iskrico v sebi.
08:57
And his father and I were lucky enough to be the first to see it there."
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Njegov oče in jaz sva samo imela
srečo, da sva jo prva videla."
srečo, da sva jo prva videla."
09:04
I'm going to quote from another magazine of the '60s.
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Sedaj bom citiral še eno revijo
iz 60-ih let.
iz 60-ih let.
09:07
This one is from 1968 -- The Atlantic Monthly, voice of liberal America --
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Tokrat iz leta 1968 -Atlantic Monthly,
glas liberalne Amerike -
glas liberalne Amerike -
09:13
written by an important bioethicist.
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avtor je pomemben bioetik.
09:15
He said, "There is no reason to feel guilty
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Rekel je: "Nobenega vzroka
ni za občutek krivde
ni za občutek krivde
09:19
about putting a Down syndrome child away,
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pri odstranitvi otroka
z Downovim sindromom,
z Downovim sindromom,
09:22
whether it is put away in the sense of hidden in a sanitarium
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tako v smislu, odstranitve v zavod
09:27
or in a more responsible, lethal sense.
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ali v bolj odgovornem, smrtnem pomenu.
09:31
It is sad, yes -- dreadful. But it carries no guilt.
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Žalostno je, ja -- grozljivo.
Vendar ne nosi nobene krivde.
Vendar ne nosi nobene krivde.
09:36
True guilt arises only from an offense against a person,
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Resnična krivda vzide samo iz napada
na osebo,
na osebo,
09:40
and a Down's is not a person."
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in nekdo z Downom ni oseba."
09:45
There's been a lot of ink given to the enormous progress that we've made
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Veliko je bilo napisanega o izjemnem
napredku, ki smo ga naredili
napredku, ki smo ga naredili
09:49
in the treatment of gay people.
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pri obravnavi homoseksualnih ljudi.
09:51
The fact that our attitude has changed is in the headlines every day.
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Dejstvo, da se je naš odnos spremenil,
je vsak dan v naslovnicah.
je vsak dan v naslovnicah.
09:55
But we forget how we used to see people who had other differences,
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Ampak pozabljamo, kako smo nekoč
gledali na ljudi z drugimi posebnostmi,
gledali na ljudi z drugimi posebnostmi,
10:00
how we used to see people who were disabled,
175
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kako smo nekoč gledali na prizadete ljudi,
10:02
how inhuman we held people to be.
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za kako nečloveške smo jih imeli.
10:05
And the change that's been accomplished there,
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In sprememba na tem področju,
10:07
which is almost equally radical,
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ki je skoraj enako radikalna,
10:09
is one that we pay not very much attention to.
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ni bila deležna tolikšne pozornosti.
10:11
One of the families I interviewed, Tom and Karen Robards,
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Ena izmed intervjuvanih sta bila
tudi Tom in Karen Robards,
tudi Tom in Karen Robards,
10:15
were taken aback when, as young and successful New Yorkers,
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mlada in uspešna Newyorčanoma,
ki sta bila presenečena, ko se jima je,
ki sta bila presenečena, ko se jima je,
10:19
their first child was diagnosed with Down syndrome.
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prvorojeni otrok
rodil z Downovim sindromom.
rodil z Downovim sindromom.
10:23
They thought the educational opportunities for him were not what they should be,
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Ugotovila sta, da izobraževalne možnosti
zanj niso bile zadostne,
zanj niso bile zadostne,
10:27
and so they decided they would build a little center --
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zato sta se odločila,
da bosta zgradila manjši center --
da bosta zgradila manjši center --
10:31
two classrooms that they started with a few other parents --
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dve učilnici, ki sta jih odprla
z nekaj drugimi starši --
z nekaj drugimi starši --
10:34
to educate kids with D.S.
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da bi izobrazila ljudi z D.S.
10:37
And over the years, that center grew into something called the Cooke Center,
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Skozi leta je ta center zrastel v nekaj,
kar se danes imenuje Cooke Center,
kar se danes imenuje Cooke Center,
10:41
where there are now thousands upon thousands
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kjer danes uči tisoče in tisoče
10:43
of children with intellectual disabilities who are being taught.
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umsko manj razviih otrok.
10:47
In the time since that Atlantic Monthly story ran,
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V času od nastanka zgodbe
v Atlantic Monthly,
v Atlantic Monthly,
10:50
the life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has tripled.
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se je pričakovana življenjska doba
oseb z Downovim sindromom potrojila.
oseb z Downovim sindromom potrojila.
10:54
The experience of Down syndrome people includes those who are actors,
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Med osebami z Downovim sindromom
so igralci,
so igralci,
10:59
those who are writers, some who are able to live fully independently in adulthood.
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pisatelji in nekateri, ki so kot odrasli
zmožni živeti povsem neodvisno.
zmožni živeti povsem neodvisno.
11:05
The Robards had a lot to do with that.
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Robardova sta igrala
veliko vlogo pri tem.
veliko vlogo pri tem.
11:07
And I said, "Do you regret it?
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In vprašal sem ju: "Ali obžalujeta?
11:08
Do you wish your child didn't have Down syndrome?
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Si želita, da vajin otrok
ne bi imel Downovega sindroma?
ne bi imel Downovega sindroma?
11:11
Do you wish you'd never heard of it?"
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1849
Si želita, da zanj ne bi nikoli slišala?"
11:12
And interestingly his father said,
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In zanimivo je oče odgovoril,
11:15
"Well, for David, our son, I regret it,
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"Za David, najinega sina, obžalujem,
11:17
because for David, it's a difficult way to be in the world,
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kajti za Davida, je to težek način
bivanja v svetu.
bivanja v svetu.
11:21
and I'd like to give David an easier life.
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in želim si, da bi Davidu lahko
omogočil lažje življenje.
omogočil lažje življenje.
11:24
But I think if we lost everyone with Down syndrome, it would be a catastrophic loss."
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Vendar bi bilo izguba vseh
z Downovim sindromom katastrofalna izguba.
z Downovim sindromom katastrofalna izguba.
11:29
And Karen Robards said to me, "I'm with Tom.
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in Karen Robards mi je rekla:
"Strinjam se s Tomom.
"Strinjam se s Tomom.
11:32
For David, I would cure it in an instant to give him an easier life.
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Za Davida, bi v trenutku želela
ozdravitve, za lažje življenje.
ozdravitve, za lažje življenje.
11:36
But speaking for myself -- well, I would never have believed 23 years ago when he was born
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5436
Vendar za mene, ne bi nikoli verjela
pred 23 leti, ko se je rodil,
pred 23 leti, ko se je rodil,
11:41
that I could come to such a point --
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689978
2010
da bi lahko prišla do te točke --
11:43
speaking for myself, it's made me so much better and so much kinder
207
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4348
mene osebno, je naredil veliko boljšo
in veliko nežnejšo
in veliko nežnejšo
11:48
and so much more purposeful in my whole life,
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3034
in veliko bolj osmišljeno
v mojem življenju,
v mojem življenju,
11:51
that speaking for myself, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world."
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da se mu jaz osebno ne bi odpovedala
za vse na svetu."
za vse na svetu."
11:57
We live at a point when social acceptance for these and many other conditions
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705779
4385
Živimo v trenutku, ko je družbeno
sprejemanje teh in podobnih bolezni
sprejemanje teh in podobnih bolezni
12:02
is on the up and up.
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1738
v velikem porastu.
12:03
And yet we also live at the moment
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1836
A vendar živimo tudi v trenutku,
12:05
when our ability to eliminate those conditions
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2891
ko je naša sposobnost izničiti
takšne bolezni
takšne bolezni
12:08
has reached a height we never imagined before.
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2608
dosegla raven, ki si je nikoli prej
nismo zamišljali.
nismo zamišljali.
12:11
Most deaf infants born in the United States now
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3144
Večina danes rojenih
gluhih dojenčkov v ZDA,
gluhih dojenčkov v ZDA,
12:14
will receive Cochlear implants,
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1793
bo dobila polžev vsadek,
12:16
which are put into the brain and connected to a receiver,
217
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4815
ki ga vstavijo v možgane
in povežejo s prejemnikom,
in povežejo s prejemnikom,
12:21
and which allow them to acquire a facsimile of hearing and to use oral speech.
218
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5018
in ki jim omogoča približek sluha
in ustni govor.
in ustni govor.
12:26
A compound that has been tested in mice, BMN-111,
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4299
Sestavina, ki je bila
testirana v miših, BMN-111,
testirana v miših, BMN-111,
12:30
is useful in preventing the action of the achondroplasia gene.
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5053
je uporabna pri preprečevanju delovanja
ahondroplazničnega gena.
ahondroplazničnega gena.
12:35
Achondroplasia is the most common form of dwarfism,
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Ahondroplazija je najpogostejša
oblika pritlikavosti
oblika pritlikavosti
12:38
and mice who have been given that substance and who have the achondroplasia gene,
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3967
in miši, ki so dobile to sestavino
in ki imajo ahondroplaznični gen,
in ki imajo ahondroplaznični gen,
12:42
grow to full size.
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1918
vseeno zrastejo do polne velikosti.
12:44
Testing in humans is around the corner.
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2551
Človeško testiranje naj
bi se pričelo vsak hip.
bi se pričelo vsak hip.
12:46
There are blood tests which are making progress
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2256
Napredek je tudi pri krvnih testih,
12:48
that would pick up Down syndrome more clearly and earlier in pregnancies than ever before,
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5495
ki lahko med nosečnostjo prepoznajo
Downov sindrom jasneje in hitreje kot prej,
Downov sindrom jasneje in hitreje kot prej,
12:54
making it easier and easier for people to eliminate those pregnancies,
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s čimer je vedno lažje za ljudi,
da izničijo tovrstne nosečnosti,
da izničijo tovrstne nosečnosti,
12:59
or to terminate them.
228
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1320
ali da jih prekinejo.
13:00
And so we have both social progress and medical progress.
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4667
Naredili smo torej tako družbeni
kot zdravstveni napredek.
kot zdravstveni napredek.
13:05
And I believe in both of them.
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1852
In verjamem v oba.
13:07
I believe the social progress is fantastic and meaningful and wonderful,
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4055
Verjamem, da je družbeni napredek
izjemen in navdihujoč in čudovit,
izjemen in navdihujoč in čudovit,
13:11
and I think the same thing about the medical progress.
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in enako mislim tudi
o zdravstvenem napredku.
o zdravstvenem napredku.
13:14
But I think it's a tragedy when one of them doesn't see the other.
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4363
Mislim pa da je tragedija, ko eden
ne prepozna drugega.
ne prepozna drugega.
13:18
And when I see the way they're intersecting
234
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2071
In ko vidim, kako se prepletata
13:20
in conditions like the three I've just described,
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2214
v boleznih, kot so tri,
ki sem jih ravno opisal,
ki sem jih ravno opisal,
13:23
I sometimes think it's like those moments in grand opera
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3650
včasih mislim, da gre za enega
od tistih trenutkov v operi,
od tistih trenutkov v operi,
13:26
when the hero realizes he loves the heroine
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2604
ko junak ugotovi da ljubi junakinjo
13:29
at the exact moment that she lies expiring on a divan.
238
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4447
natanko v trenutku, ko ona
umira na divanu.
umira na divanu.
13:33
(Laughter)
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2799
(smeh)
13:36
We have to think about how we feel about cures altogether.
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3882
Moramo razmisliti o tem, kaj si
na splošno mislimo o zdravilih.
na splošno mislimo o zdravilih.
13:40
And a lot of the time the question of parenthood is,
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2866
Pogosto je vprašanje starševstva,
13:43
what do we validate in our children,
242
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1852
kaj podpiramo v naših otrocih,
13:45
and what do we cure in them?
243
813288
1752
in kaj v njih zdravimo?
13:47
Jim Sinclair, a prominent autism activist, said,
244
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4171
Jim Sinclair, priznani aktivist
avtizma, je rekel:
avtizma, je rekel:
13:51
"When parents say 'I wish my child did not have autism,'
245
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4654
"Ko starši rečejo, 'želim si, da moj
otrok ne bi imel avtizma,'
otrok ne bi imel avtizma,'
13:55
what they're really saying is 'I wish the child I have did not exist
246
823865
4859
kar v resnici pravijo je, 'želim si, da
otrok, ki ga imam, ne bi obstajal
otrok, ki ga imam, ne bi obstajal
14:00
and I had a different, non-autistic child instead.'
247
828724
4019
in da bi imel drugega,
ne-avtističnega otroka.'
ne-avtističnega otroka.'
14:04
Read that again. This is what we hear when you mourn over our existence.
248
832743
4792
Preberite to še enkrat. To slišimo,
ko obžalujete naš obstoj.
ko obžalujete naš obstoj.
14:09
This is what we hear when you pray for a cure --
249
837535
3202
To slišimo, ko molite za zdravilo --
14:12
that your fondest wish for us
250
840737
1905
da je vaša največja želja za nas,
14:14
is that someday we will cease to be
251
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2379
da bi nekega dne prenehali obstajati
14:17
and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces."
252
845021
5555
in da bi si tujci, ki bi jih lahko ljubili,
nadeli naše obraze."
nadeli naše obraze."
14:22
It's a very extreme point of view,
253
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3066
To je zelo ekstremen pogled,
14:25
but it points to the reality that people engage with the life they have
254
853642
4129
a vseeno kaže na dejstvo, da se ljudje
spopadajo z življenjem, ki ga imajo
spopadajo z življenjem, ki ga imajo
14:29
and they don't want to be cured or changed or eliminated.
255
857771
4565
in da si ne želijo biti ozdravljeni,
spremenjeni ali uničeni.
spremenjeni ali uničeni.
14:34
They want to be whoever it is that they've come to be.
256
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3220
Želijo si biti, kdor koli že so postali.
14:37
One of the families I interviewed for this project
257
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3800
Ena izmed družin, ki sem jih
spraševal pri tem projektu,
spraševal pri tem projektu,
14:41
was the family of Dylan Klebold who was one of the perpetrators of the Columbine massacre.
258
869356
5254
je bila družina Dylana Klebolda, ki je bil
eden od morilcev v Columbinskem pokolu.
eden od morilcev v Columbinskem pokolu.
14:46
It took a long time to persuade them to talk to me,
259
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2795
Dolgo časa sem jih prepričeval,
naj govorijo z mano,
naj govorijo z mano,
14:49
and once they agreed, they were so full of their story
260
877405
2764
ko so pristali, so bili
tako polni svoje zgodbe,
tako polni svoje zgodbe,
14:52
that they couldn't stop telling it.
261
880169
1699
da niso mogli nehati pripovedovati.
14:53
And the first weekend I spent with them -- the first of many --
262
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2617
Prvi vikend ki sem ga preživel z njimi,
prvi izmed mnogih,
prvi izmed mnogih,
14:56
I recorded more than 20 hours of conversation.
263
884485
3121
sem posnel več kot 20 ur pogovora.
14:59
And on Sunday night, we were all exhausted.
264
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2263
V nedeljo zvečer smo bili vsi izmučeni.
15:01
We were sitting in the kitchen. Sue Klebold was fixing dinner.
265
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2886
Sedeli smo v kuhinji.
Sue Klebold je pripravljala večerjo.
Sue Klebold je pripravljala večerjo.
15:04
And I said, "If Dylan were here now,
266
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2521
In rekel sem: "Če bi bil Dylan sedaj tu,
15:07
do you have a sense of what you'd want to ask him?"
267
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2845
imate občutek, kaj bi mu želeli reči?"
15:10
And his father said, "I sure do.
268
898121
2368
In njegov oče mi je rekel, " Seveda vem.
15:12
I'd want to ask him what the hell he thought he was doing."
269
900489
3549
Želel bi ga vprašati, kaj za vraga je
mislil, da počne."
mislil, da počne."
15:16
And Sue looked at the floor, and she thought for a minute.
270
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3638
Sue je pogledala v tla in pomislila.
15:19
And then she looked back up and said,
271
907676
2179
Nato je pogledala nazaj in rekla:
15:21
"I would ask him to forgive me for being his mother
272
909855
4063
"Jaz bi ga prosila za odpuščanje,
da sem bila njegova mati
da sem bila njegova mati
15:25
and never knowing what was going on inside his head."
273
913918
4424
in da nisem nikoli vedela,
kaj se plete v njegovi glavi."
kaj se plete v njegovi glavi."
15:30
When I had dinner with her a couple of years later --
274
918342
2968
Ko sem imel nekaj
let pozneje z njo večerjo --
let pozneje z njo večerjo --
15:33
one of many dinners that we had together --
275
921310
1927
eno izmed mnogih skupnih večerji,
ki sva jih imela --
ki sva jih imela --
15:35
she said, "You know, when it first happened,
276
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3410
Mi je rekla: "Veš, ko je zgodilo,
15:38
I used to wish that I had never married, that I had never had children.
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sem si najprej želela, da se ne bi
nikoli poročila in imela otrok.
nikoli poročila in imela otrok.
15:42
If I hadn't gone to Ohio State and crossed paths with Tom,
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Če ne bi šla v Ohio in srečala Toma,
15:45
this child wouldn't have existed and this terrible thing wouldn't have happened.
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ta otrok ne bi obstajal in ta grozna stvar
se ne bi zgodila.
se ne bi zgodila.
15:49
But I've come to feel that I love the children I had so much
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937589
4515
Vendar sem sčasoma začutila da ljubim
otroke, ki sem jih imela,
otroke, ki sem jih imela,
15:54
that I don't want to imagine a life without them.
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942104
3303
da si ne želim zamišljati življenja
brez njih.
brez njih.
15:57
I recognize the pain they caused to others, for which there can be no forgiveness,
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945407
4929
Prepoznavam bolečino, ki so jo
povzročili in ki nima opravičila,
povzročili in ki nima opravičila,
16:02
but the pain they caused to me, there is," she said.
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950336
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a za bolečino, ki so jo povzročili meni,
je," mi je rekla.
je," mi je rekla.
16:05
"So while I recognize that it would have been better for the world
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"Razumem, da bi bilo bolje za svet,
16:09
if Dylan had never been born,
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če se Dylan ne bi rodil,
16:12
I've decided that it would not have been better for me."
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5482
vendar sem se odločila, da to
ne bi bilo bolje zame."
ne bi bilo bolje zame."
16:17
I thought it was surprising how all of these families had all of these children with all of these problems,
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965584
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Presenetilo me je, kako so vse te
družine imele otroke s toliko problemi,
družine imele otroke s toliko problemi,
16:24
problems that they mostly would have done anything to avoid,
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za katere bi večina od nas
storila vse, da bi se jim lahko izognili.
storila vse, da bi se jim lahko izognili.
16:27
and that they had all found so much meaning in that experience of parenting.
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in da so vsi našli toliko pomena,
v tej izkušnji.
v tej izkušnji.
16:30
And then I thought, all of us who have children
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3201
In potem sem pomisli, vsi,
ki imamo otroke,
ki imamo otroke,
16:34
love the children we have, with their flaws.
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ljubimo otroke, ki jih imamo
z njihovimi napakami.
z njihovimi napakami.
16:36
If some glorious angel suddenly descended through my living room ceiling
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4256
Če bi se angel nenadoma
spustil skozi strop moje dnevne sobe
spustil skozi strop moje dnevne sobe
16:41
and offered to take away the children I have
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in ponudil, da odvzame moje otroke
16:43
and give me other, better children -- more polite, funnier, nicer, smarter --
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in mi ponudil druge - vljudnejše,
zabavnejše, prijaznejše, pametnejše --
zabavnejše, prijaznejše, pametnejše --
16:49
I would cling to the children I have and pray away that atrocious spectacle.
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bi objel svoje otroke in molil,
da ta grozljiva prikazen izgine.
da ta grozljiva prikazen izgine.
16:54
And ultimately I feel
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1992
In konec koncev mislim,
16:56
that in the same way that we test flame-retardant pajamas in an inferno
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da tako kot preizkušamo na ogenj odporne
pižame v ognju,
pižame v ognju,
17:00
to ensure they won't catch fire when our child reaches across the stove,
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da zagotovimo, da se ne bodo vžgale,
ko naši otroci segajo po štedilniku,
ko naši otroci segajo po štedilniku,
17:05
so these stories of families negotiating these extreme differences
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enako zgodbe o družinah,
ki premagujejo te izjemne razlike
ki premagujejo te izjemne razlike
17:09
reflect on the universal experience of parenting,
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2681
kažejo na univerzalno
izkušnjo starševstva,
izkušnjo starševstva,
17:11
which is always that sometimes you look at your child and you think,
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1019769
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ki je v tem, da občasno gledamo svojega
otroka in si mislimo,
otroka in si mislimo,
17:15
where did you come from?
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1023903
2189
od kod si se vzel?
17:18
(Laughter)
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2454
(smeh)
17:20
It turns out that while each of these individual differences is siloed --
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1028546
4975
Izkazalo se je, da kljub temu, da je
vsaka teh različnosti zamejena-
vsaka teh različnosti zamejena-
17:25
there are only so many families dealing with schizophrenia,
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1033521
2545
obstaja zgolj toliko
družin, ki se ukvarjajo s shizofenijo,
družin, ki se ukvarjajo s shizofenijo,
17:28
there are only so many families of children who are transgender,
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samo toliko družin
s transseksualnimi otroci,
s transseksualnimi otroci,
17:30
there are only so many families of prodigies --
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1038703
2194
samo toliko družin z genialnimi otroci, -
17:32
who also face similar challenges in many ways --
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1040897
2284
ki se pogosto srečujejo
s podobnimi izzivi -
s podobnimi izzivi -
17:35
there are only so many families in each of those categories --
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1043181
2690
obstaja zgolj toliko družin
v vsaki od teh kategorij -
v vsaki od teh kategorij -
17:37
but if you start to think
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1045871
1432
ampak če,
17:39
that the experience of negotiating difference within your family
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je izkušnja premagovanja razlik v družini,
17:42
is what people are addressing,
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2030
tisto s čimer se ukvarjajo,
17:44
then you discover that it's a nearly universal phenomenon.
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3737
potem ugotoviš, da je to
skorajda univerzalni pojav.
skorajda univerzalni pojav.
17:48
Ironically, it turns out, that it's our differences, and our negotiation of difference,
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4635
Ironično se izkaže, da so naše razlike
in poskusi premagovanja teh razlik,
in poskusi premagovanja teh razlik,
17:53
that unite us.
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2428
tisto, kar nas združuje.
17:55
I decided to have children while I was working on this project.
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1063699
5314
Da bom imel otroke, sem se odločil
med tem projektom.
med tem projektom.
18:01
And many people were astonished and said,
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1069013
3116
Veliko ljudi je bilo presenečenih
in mi reklo:
in mi reklo:
18:04
"But how can you decide to have children
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1072129
1848
"Kako se lahko odločiš za otroke,
18:05
in the midst of studying everything that can go wrong?"
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1073977
4106
medtem ko preučuješ vse,
kar gre lahko narobe."
kar gre lahko narobe."
18:10
And I said, "I'm not studying everything that can go wrong.
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3230
Rekel sem jim: "Ne preučujem,
vse kar gre lahko narobe."
vse kar gre lahko narobe."
18:13
What I'm studying is how much love there can be,
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3091
Ampak koliko ljubezni lahko obstaja,
18:16
even when everything appears to be going wrong."
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1084404
4725
tudi takrat, ko se zdi,
da gre vse narobe."
da gre vse narobe."
18:21
I thought a lot about the mother of one disabled child I had seen,
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1089129
5635
Veliko sem premišljal o materi
enega izmed prizadetih otrok,
enega izmed prizadetih otrok,
18:26
a severely disabled child who died through caregiver neglect.
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1094764
3772
močno prizadetega otroka, ki je umrl
zaradi zanemarjanja negovalcev.
zaradi zanemarjanja negovalcev.
18:30
And when his ashes were interred, his mother said,
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1098536
2810
in ko je bil njegov pepel položen,
mi je njegova mati rekla:
mi je njegova mati rekla:
18:33
"I pray here for forgiveness for having been twice robbed,
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1101346
8034
"Molim za odpuščanje,
ker sem bila oropana dvakrat,
ker sem bila oropana dvakrat,
18:41
once of the child I wanted and once of the son I loved."
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1109380
6056
prvič za otroka, ki sem ga želela in
drugič za sina, ki sem ga ljubila."
drugič za sina, ki sem ga ljubila."
18:47
And I figured it was possible then for anyone to love any child
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1115436
4636
Takrat sem ugotovil, da lahko kdorkoli
ljubi kakršnega koli otroka,
ljubi kakršnega koli otroka,
18:52
if they had the effective will to do so.
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1120072
2532
če ima voljo, da to stori.
18:54
So my husband is the biological father of two children
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1122604
5025
Moj mož je biološki oče dveh otrok,
18:59
with some lesbian friends in Minneapolis.
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1127629
2761
našima lezbičnima
prijateljicama v Minneapolisu.
prijateljicama v Minneapolisu.
19:02
I had a close friend from college who'd gone through a divorce and wanted to have children.
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1130390
5824
Imel sem bližnjo prijateljico na faksu,
ki je po ločitvi želela imeti otroke.
ki je po ločitvi želela imeti otroke.
19:08
And so she and I have a daughter,
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1136214
1898
Ona in jaz imava hčerko,
19:10
and mother and daughter live in Texas.
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1138112
2211
mati in hčerka živita v Teksasu.
19:12
And my husband and I have a son who lives with us all the time
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1140323
3239
Moj mož in jaz pa imava sina,
ki je ves čas z nama,
ki je ves čas z nama,
19:15
of whom I am the biological father,
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1143562
2384
kateremu sem jaz biološki oče,
19:17
and our surrogate for the pregnancy was Laura,
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1145946
3920
naša nadomestna mama za nosečnost,
pa je bila Laura,
pa je bila Laura,
19:21
the lesbian mother of Oliver and Lucy in Minneapolis.
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1149881
3048
lezbična mama
Oliverja in Lucy v Minneapolisu.
Oliverja in Lucy v Minneapolisu.
19:24
(Applause)
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8655
(aplavz)
19:33
So the shorthand is five parents of four children in three states.
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1161584
5464
Torej pet staršev, štirje otroci
v treh različnih zveznih državah.
v treh različnih zveznih državah.
19:39
And there are people who think that the existence of my family
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1167048
3356
In nekateri mislijo,
da obstoj moje družine
da obstoj moje družine
19:42
somehow undermines or weakens or damages their family.
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1170404
4665
na nek način spodkopava,
slabi ali škoduje njihovi družini.
slabi ali škoduje njihovi družini.
19:47
And there are people who think that families like mine
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1175069
3628
in obstajajo ljudje, ki mislijo,
da družine, kot je moja
da družine, kot je moja
19:50
shouldn't be allowed to exist.
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1178697
1684
ne bi smele obstajati.
19:52
And I don't accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones.
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1180381
5655
Ampak jaz ne sprejemam izključujočih
idej ljubezni, samo vključujoče.
idej ljubezni, samo vključujoče.
19:58
And I believe that in the same way that we need species diversity
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1186036
3526
In verjamem, da tako kot potrebujemo
raznolikost vrst,
raznolikost vrst,
20:01
to ensure that the planet can go on,
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1189562
2251
da zagotovimo obstoj planeta,
20:03
so we need this diversity of affection and diversity of family
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1191813
4201
potrebujemo tudi raznolikost ljubezni
in raznolikost družin,
in raznolikost družin,
20:08
in order to strengthen the ecosphere of kindness.
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4681
da ojačamo ekosfero prijaznosti.
20:12
The day after our son was born,
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2370
Na dan, ko je bil rojen najin sin,
20:15
the pediatrician came into the hospital room and said she was concerned.
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1203065
4572
je pediatrinja prišla v sobo in rekla,
da je zaskrbljena.
da je zaskrbljena.
20:19
He wasn't extending his legs appropriately.
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1207637
3133
Otrok ni pravilno iztegoval svojih nog.
20:22
She said that might mean that he had brain damage.
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1210770
2909
Rekla je, da to lahko pomeni,
da ima možganske poškodbe.
da ima možganske poškodbe.
20:25
In so far as he was extending them, he was doing so asymmetrically,
354
1213679
3361
Tudi ko jih je iztegoval,
je to počel asimetrično,
je to počel asimetrično,
20:29
which she thought could mean that there was a tumor of some kind in action.
355
1217040
3863
kar bi lahko nakazovalo na učinek
nekakšnega tumorja.
nekakšnega tumorja.
20:32
And he had a very large head, which she thought might indicate hydrocephalus.
356
1220903
4783
Imel je tudi zelo veliko glavo, kar bi
lahko kazalo na hidrocefalus.
lahko kazalo na hidrocefalus.
20:37
And as she told me all of these things,
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1225686
1630
In ko mi je govorila vse te reči,
20:39
I felt the very center of my being pouring out onto the floor.
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1227316
3995
sem čutil, kako vse moje bistvo,
pada na tla.
pada na tla.
20:43
And I thought, here I had been working for years
359
1231311
2343
Mislim sem si, vsa ta leta sem delal
20:45
on a book about how much meaning people had found
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1233654
2549
na knjigi o tem, kako veliko pomena,
20:48
in the experience of parenting children who are disabled,
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1236203
3533
so ljudje našli v prizadetih otrocih,
20:51
and I didn't want to join their number.
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1239736
3900
in sam se jim nisem želel pridružiti.
20:55
Because what I was encountering was an idea of illness.
363
1243636
2695
Ker sem se spopadal z idejo bolezni.
20:58
And like all parents since the dawn of time,
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2250
In kot vsak starš že od pradavnine,
21:00
I wanted to protect my child from illness.
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1248581
3346
sem hotel zaščiti
svoje otroke pred boleznijo.
svoje otroke pred boleznijo.
21:03
And I wanted also to protect myself from illness.
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1251927
3211
Hotel sem tudi zaščititi
sebe pred boleznijo.
sebe pred boleznijo.
21:07
And yet, I knew from the work I had done
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1255138
2560
A vseeno sem vedel,
zaradi dela, ki sem ga opravil,
zaradi dela, ki sem ga opravil,
21:09
that if he had any of the things we were about to start testing for,
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1257698
4107
da če ima katero koli od omenjenih stvari,
21:13
that those would ultimately be his identity,
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1261805
3073
da bodo te sčasoma
postale njegova identiteta.
postale njegova identiteta.
21:16
and if they were his identity they would become my identity,
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1264878
4234
In da če bodo njegova identiteta,
da bodo postale tudi moja identiteta,
da bodo postale tudi moja identiteta,
21:21
that that illness was going to take a very different shape as it unfolded.
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1269112
4157
da bo ta bolezen s časom postala
zelo drugačna.
zelo drugačna.
21:25
We took him to the MRI machine, we took him to the CAT scanner,
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1273269
3031
Peljali smo ga na MRI in na tomografijo,
21:28
we took this day-old child and gave him over for an arterial blood draw.
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1276300
3998
en dan starega otroka sva oddala
za odvzem krvi.
za odvzem krvi.
21:32
We felt helpless.
374
1280298
1194
Počutila sva se nemočna.
21:33
And at the end of five hours,
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1281492
1478
Po petih urah,
21:34
they said that his brain was completely clear
376
1282970
2224
so rekli, da so njegovi
možgani povsem zdravi
možgani povsem zdravi
21:37
and that he was by then extending his legs correctly.
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1285194
3010
in da sedaj že pravilno
izteguje noge.
izteguje noge.
21:40
And when I asked the pediatrician what had been going on,
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1288204
2932
In ko sem pediatrinjo vprašal,
kaj se je dogajalo,
kaj se je dogajalo,
21:43
she said she thought in the morning he had probably had a cramp.
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1291136
4335
je rekla, da je zjutraj verjetno
imel krč.
imel krč.
21:47
(Laughter)
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1295471
3565
(smeh)
21:51
But I thought how my mother was right.
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1299036
7833
Ampak jaz sem razmišljal,
kako prav je imela moja mati.
kako prav je imela moja mati.
21:58
I thought, the love you have for your children
382
1306869
3495
Mislil sem si, da je
ljubezen do svojih otrok,
ljubezen do svojih otrok,
22:02
is unlike any other feeling in the world,
383
1310364
3330
drugačna od vseh ostalih občutkov na svetu
22:05
and until you have children, you don't know what it feels like.
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1313694
6164
in dokler nimaš svojih otrok, ne veš
kakšna je.
kakšna je.
22:11
I think children had ensnared me
385
1319858
2321
Mislim, da so me otroci ujeli
22:14
the moment I connected fatherhood with loss.
386
1322179
3526
tisti trenutek, ko sem povezal
očetovstvo z izgubo.
očetovstvo z izgubo.
22:17
But I'm not sure I would have noticed that
387
1325705
1932
Vendar nisem prepričan, da bi to opazil,
22:19
if I hadn't been so in the thick of this research project of mine.
388
1327637
5525
če ne bi bil tako močno prisoten
v mojem projektu.
v mojem projektu.
22:25
I'd encountered so much strange love,
389
1333162
3232
Spoznal sem toliko nenavadne ljubezni,
22:28
and I fell very naturally into its bewitching patterns.
390
1336394
3785
in tako sem zelo naravno padel
v njen čarobni vzorec.
v njen čarobni vzorec.
22:32
And I saw how splendor can illuminate even the most abject vulnerabilities.
391
1340179
6727
Videl sem, kako lahko lepota razsvetli
tudi najbolj grozljive ranljivosti.
tudi najbolj grozljive ranljivosti.
22:38
During these 10 years, I had witnessed and learned
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1346906
3806
Tekom teh 10 let, sem pričeval in spoznal
22:42
the terrifying joy of unbearable responsibility,
393
1350712
3492
zastrašujoči občutek neznosne odgovornosti
22:46
and I had come to see how it conquers everything else.
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1354204
3532
in spoznal sem, kako
lahko premaga vse ostalo.
lahko premaga vse ostalo.
22:49
And while I had sometimes thought the parents I was interviewing were fools,
395
1357736
4301
In čeprav sem občasno mislil, da so
starši, ki jih sprašujem, neumni,
starši, ki jih sprašujem, neumni,
22:54
enslaving themselves to a lifetime's journey with their thankless children
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1362037
4950
da so sužnji doživljenjskega potovanja
z nehvaležnimi otroci,
z nehvaležnimi otroci,
22:58
and trying to breed identity out of misery,
397
1366987
2949
ki jim poskušajo ustvariti identiteto
iz trpljenja,
iz trpljenja,
23:01
I realized that day that my research had built me a plank
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1369936
4636
sem spoznal, da mi je moja raziskava
zgradila pomol,
zgradila pomol,
23:06
and that I was ready to join them on their ship.
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1374572
3414
in da sem se pripravljen
pridružiti njihovi ladji.
pridružiti njihovi ladji.
23:09
Thank you.
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1377986
1817
Hvala.
23:11
(Applause)
401
1379803
5651
(aplavz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - WriterAndrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.
Why you should listen
Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.
Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.
Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.
Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com