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Heidi Grant: How to ask for help -- and get a "yes"
Heidi Grant: Kako zatražiti pomoć -- i dobiti odgovor "da"
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Traženje pomoći je teško. Ali da bismo se kretali kroz život, moramo to neprestano činiti. Pa kako da nam postane ugodno tražiti pomoć? U ovom govoru punom savjeta, socijalna psihologinja Heidi Grant dijeli četiri jednostavna pravila za traženje pomoći te dobivanje iste, istodobno čineći proces ispunjenijim i za vašeg pomagača.
Heidi Grant - Social psychologist
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Heidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
So, asking for help
is basically the worst, right?
is basically the worst, right?
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Traženje pomoći je zapravo grozno, zar ne?
00:18
I've actually never seen it
on one of those top ten lists
on one of those top ten lists
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Nikada to nisam vidjela na onim
popisima deset stvari
popisima deset stvari
00:22
of things people fear,
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kojih se ljudi boje,
00:24
like public speaking
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kao govorenje pred publikom
00:26
and death,
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i smrt,
00:27
but I'm pretty sure
it actually belongs there.
it actually belongs there.
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ali sigurna sam da zapravo pripada ondje.
00:31
Even though in many ways it's foolish
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
for us to be afraid to admit we need help,
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Iako je toliko budalasto od nas
bojati se priznati da trebamo pomoć,
bojati se priznati da trebamo pomoć,
00:36
whether it's from a loved one
or a friend or from a coworker
or a friend or from a coworker
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bilo od osobe koju volimo,
od prijatelja, od kolege,
od prijatelja, od kolege,
00:40
or even from a stranger,
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ili čak od stranca,
00:42
somehow it always feel just a little bit
uncomfortable and embarrassing
uncomfortable and embarrassing
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nekako se uvijek čini barem malo
neugodno ili se sramimo
neugodno ili se sramimo
00:47
to actually ask for help,
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zapravo zatražiti pomoć.
00:50
which is, of course, why most of us
try to avoid asking for help
try to avoid asking for help
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Zato mnogi od nas
izbjegavaju tražiti pomoć
izbjegavaju tražiti pomoć
00:53
whenever humanly possible.
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kad god je to ikako moguće.
00:55
My father was one of those
legions of fathers
legions of fathers
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Moj otac bio je jedan od niza očeva
00:58
who, I swear, would rather drive
through an alligator-infested swamp
through an alligator-infested swamp
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koji bi, kunem se, radije vozio kroz
močvaru punu aligatora,
močvaru punu aligatora,
01:04
than actually ask someone for help
getting back to the road.
getting back to the road.
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nego pitao nekoga za pomoć
kako se vratiti na cestu.
kako se vratiti na cestu.
01:07
When I was a kid,
we took a family vacation.
we took a family vacation.
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Kada sam bila dijete
išli smo na obiteljski odmor.
išli smo na obiteljski odmor.
01:10
We drove from our home in South Jersey
to Colonial Williamsburg.
to Colonial Williamsburg.
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Vozili smo se od našeg doma u Južnom
Jerseyu do kolonijalnog Williamsburga.
Jerseyu do kolonijalnog Williamsburga.
01:14
And I remember we got really badly lost.
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Sjećam se da smo se stvarno izgubili.
01:17
My mother and I pleaded with him
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Majka i ja smo ga preklinjale
01:20
to please just pull over and ask someone
for directions back to the highway,
for directions back to the highway,
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da stane uz cestu i pita nekoga za upute
kako se vratiti na autocestu,
kako se vratiti na autocestu,
01:24
and he absolutely refused,
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a on je kategorički odbio
01:26
and, in fact, assured us
that we were not lost,
that we were not lost,
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te nas, zapravo, uvjeravao
kako se nismo izgubili,
kako se nismo izgubili,
01:29
he had just always wanted to know
what was over here.
what was over here.
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nego je samo oduvijek želio
znati što se nalazi ovdje.
znati što se nalazi ovdje.
01:32
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
01:34
So if we're going to ask for help --
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Ako ćemo zatražiti pomoć --
01:37
and we have to, we all do,
practically every day --
practically every day --
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a moramo, svi to moramo,
gotovo svakoga dana --
gotovo svakoga dana --
01:41
the only way we're going to even begin
to get comfortable with it
to get comfortable with it
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jedini način na koji će nam
uspjeti biti komotno dok to činimo
uspjeti biti komotno dok to činimo
01:45
is to get good at it,
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jest da postanemo dobri u tome,
01:46
to actually increase the chances
that when you ask for help from someone,
that when you ask for help from someone,
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da povećamo šanse kada nekoga
zamolimo za pomoć,
zamolimo za pomoć,
01:50
they're actually going to say yes.
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oni zapravo pristanu.
01:52
And not only that, but they're going
to find it actually satisfying
to find it actually satisfying
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Ne samo to, nego će doživiti
osjećaj zadovoljstva
osjećaj zadovoljstva
01:56
and rewarding to help you,
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i nagrade u činu pomaganja,
01:57
because that way, they'll be motivated
to continue to help you into the future.
to continue to help you into the future.
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jer na taj način će biti motivirani
nastaviti vam pomagati ubuduće.
nastaviti vam pomagati ubuduće.
02:02
So research that I
and some of my colleagues have done
and some of my colleagues have done
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Istraživanje koje sam
provela sa suradnicima
provela sa suradnicima
02:05
has shed a lot of light on why it is
that sometimes people say yes
that sometimes people say yes
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rasvijetlilo nam je zašto ljudi
ponekad pristaju
ponekad pristaju
02:09
to our requests for help
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na naše molbe za pomoć,
02:10
and why sometimes they say no.
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a zašto ponekad odbijaju.
02:13
Now let me just start by saying right now:
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Dajte da počnem tako da vam odmah kažem:
02:16
if you need help,
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ako trebate pomoć,
02:18
you are going to have to ask for it.
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morat ćete je zatražiti.
02:21
Out loud.
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Naglas.
02:22
OK?
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U redu?
02:23
We all, to some extent, suffer
from something that psychologists call
from something that psychologists call
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Svi u nekoj mjeri patimo od
onoga što psiholozi nazivaju
onoga što psiholozi nazivaju
02:27
"the illusion of transparency" --
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"iluzijom transparentnosti" --
02:29
basically, the mistaken belief
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zapravo, pogrešnog vjerovanja
02:31
that our thoughts
and our feelings and our needs
and our feelings and our needs
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kako su naše misli, osjećaji i potrebe
02:33
are really obvious to other people.
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sasvim očiti drugim ljudima.
02:37
This is not true, but we believe it.
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To nije istina, ali mi u to vjerujemo.
02:39
And so, we just mostly stand around
waiting for someone to notice our needs
waiting for someone to notice our needs
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I tako uglavnom samo stojimo uokolo
čekajući da netko zamijeti naše potrebe
čekajući da netko zamijeti naše potrebe
02:43
and then spontaneously offer
to help us with it.
to help us with it.
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i zatim spontano ponudi da nam pomogne.
02:46
This is a really, really bad assumption.
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To je zaista loša pretpostavka.
02:48
In fact, not only is it very difficult
to tell what your needs are,
to tell what your needs are,
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U biti, ne samo da je vrlo teško
pogoditi vaše potrebe,
pogoditi vaše potrebe,
02:52
but even the people close to you
often struggle to understand
often struggle to understand
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nego čak i ljudi s kojima ste bliski
često imaju problema shvatiti
često imaju problema shvatiti
02:55
how they can support you.
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kako bi vas mogli poduprijeti.
02:57
My partner has actually
had to adopt a habit
had to adopt a habit
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Moj partner je morao usvojiti naviku
03:00
of asking me multiple times a day,
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pitati me više puta dnevno,
03:03
"Are you OK? Do you need anything?"
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"Jesi li dobro? Treba li ti što?"
03:05
because I am so, so bad at signaling
when I need someone's help.
when I need someone's help.
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jer samo toliko loša u signaliziranju
kada mi je potrebna nečija pomoć.
kada mi je potrebna nečija pomoć.
03:10
Now, he is more patient than I deserve
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On je strpljiviji nego što zaslužujem
03:12
and much more proactive,
much more, about helping
much more, about helping
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i puno, puno proaktivniji
kada je u pitanju pomaganje
kada je u pitanju pomaganje
03:16
than any of us have any right
to expect other people to be.
to expect other people to be.
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nego što mnogi od nas imaju pravo
očekivati od drugih ljudi.
očekivati od drugih ljudi.
03:20
So if you need help, you're going
to have to ask for it.
to have to ask for it.
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Dakle, ako trebate pomoć,
morate je zatražiti.
morate je zatražiti.
03:22
And by the way, even when someone
can tell that you need help,
can tell that you need help,
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Usput, čak i ako netko uoči
da trebate pomoć,
da trebate pomoć,
03:26
how do they know that you want it?
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kako mogu znati želite li je?
03:29
Did you ever try to give unsolicited help
to someone who, it turns out,
to someone who, it turns out,
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Jeste li ikada pokušali pružiti
nezatraženu pomoć pa se ispostavi
nezatraženu pomoć pa se ispostavi
03:32
did not actually want your help
in the first place?
in the first place?
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da osoba nije uopće željela vašu pomoć?
03:35
They get nasty real quick, don't they?
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Mogu začas postati neugodni, zar ne?
03:38
The other day -- true story --
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Neki dan -- istinita priča --
03:40
my teenage daughter
was getting dressed for school,
was getting dressed for school,
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moja kći tinejdžerske dobi
odijevala se za školu
odijevala se za školu
03:43
and I decided to give her
some unsolicited help about that.
some unsolicited help about that.
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i odlučila sam joj ponuditi
netraženu pomoć pri tome.
netraženu pomoć pri tome.
03:46
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
03:47
I happen to think she looks amazing
in brighter colors.
in brighter colors.
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Ja mislim da izgleda sjajno
u svjetlijim bojama.
u svjetlijim bojama.
03:50
She tends to prefer sort of darker,
more neutral tones.
more neutral tones.
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Ona više voli nešto tamnije,
neutralnije tonove.
neutralnije tonove.
03:54
And so I said, very helpfully,
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Pa sam rekla, puna volje da pomognem,
03:56
that I thought maybe
she could go back upstairs
she could go back upstairs
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da mislim kako bi se trebala vratiti gore
03:59
and try to find something
a little less somber.
a little less somber.
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i pronaći nešto manje ozbiljno.
04:02
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
04:04
So, if looks could kill,
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Pa, kad bi pogledi ubijali,
04:06
I would not be standing here right now.
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ne bih sada stajala ovdje.
04:09
We really can't blame other people for not
just spontaneously offering to help us
just spontaneously offering to help us
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Ne možemo kriviti druge ljude za to
da nam spontano ne nude pomoć,
da nam spontano ne nude pomoć,
04:14
when we don't actually know
that that's what is wanted.
that that's what is wanted.
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kada sami zapravo ne znamo
da je to ono što želimo.
da je to ono što želimo.
04:17
In fact, actually, research shows
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Zapravo, istraživanje pokazuje
04:19
that 90 percent of the help that coworkers
give one another in the workplace
give one another in the workplace
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da je 90 posto pomoći koju kolege pružaju
jedni drugima na radnom mjestu,
jedni drugima na radnom mjestu,
04:24
is in response
to explicit requests for help.
to explicit requests for help.
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nastalo kao odgovor
na izravne zahtjeve za pomoći.
na izravne zahtjeve za pomoći.
04:28
So you're going to have to say
the words "I need your help." Right?
the words "I need your help." Right?
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Morat ćete izgovoriti riječi
"Trebam tvoju pomoć." U redu?
"Trebam tvoju pomoć." U redu?
04:31
There's no getting around it.
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Nema zaobilaženja.
04:33
Now, to be good at it,
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Da bismo bili dobri u tome,
04:34
to make sure that people actually do
help you when you ask for it,
help you when you ask for it,
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da osiguramo da nam ljudi doista
pomognu kada to zatražimo,
pomognu kada to zatražimo,
04:37
there are a few other things
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
that are very helpful to keep in mind.
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ima nekoliko stvari koje bi
trebalo imati na umu.
trebalo imati na umu.
04:41
First thing: when you ask for help,
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Prvo: kada tražite pomoć,
04:44
be very, very specific
about the help you want and why.
about the help you want and why.
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budite vrlo određeni oko
pomoći koju trebate i zašto.
pomoći koju trebate i zašto.
04:49
Vague, sort of indirect requests for help
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Nejasni i neizravni zahtjevi za pomoć
04:53
actually aren't very helpful
to the helper, right?
to the helper, right?
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zapravo ne pomažu pomagaču, zar ne?
04:56
We don't actually know
what it is you want from us,
what it is you want from us,
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Mi ne znamo što vi želite od nas,
04:59
and, just as important,
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i, jednako važno,
05:01
we don't know whether or not
we can be successful
we can be successful
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mi ne znamo možemo li biti uspješni
05:03
in giving you the help.
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u pružanju pomoći.
05:05
Nobody wants to give bad help.
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Nitko ne želi biti loš u pomaganju.
05:07
Like me, you probably get
some of these requests
some of these requests
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Poput mene, vjerojatno
dobivate neke od ovakvih zahtjeva
dobivate neke od ovakvih zahtjeva
05:10
from perfectly pleasant
strangers on LinkedIn
strangers on LinkedIn
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od vrlo pristojnih stranaca na LinkedInu
05:13
who want to do things like
"get together over coffee and connect"
"get together over coffee and connect"
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koji žele naprimjer, "da se nađemo
na kavi i povežemo"
na kavi i povežemo"
05:18
or "pick your brain."
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ili da "vas potanko ispitaju o temi".
05:21
I ignore these requests
literally every time.
literally every time.
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Redovno ignoriram takve zahtjeve.
05:24
And it's not that I'm not a nice person.
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Nije to zato što nisam dobra osoba.
05:26
It's just that when I don't know
what it is you want from me,
what it is you want from me,
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Kada ne znam što točno želite od mene,
05:29
like the kind of help
you're hoping that can I provide,
you're hoping that can I provide,
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kakvu pomoć se nadate da vam mogu pružiti,
05:32
I'm not interested.
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nisam zainteresirana.
05:34
Nobody is.
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Nitko nije.
05:35
I'd have been much more interested
if they had just come out and said
if they had just come out and said
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Puno bi me više zanimalo
kada bi jednostavno rekli
kada bi jednostavno rekli
05:39
whatever it is was
they were hoping to get from me,
they were hoping to get from me,
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što je to čemu se nadaju od mene,
05:41
because I'm pretty sure they had
something specific in mind.
something specific in mind.
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jer sam prilično sigurna da
imaju nešto određeno na umu.
imaju nešto određeno na umu.
05:44
So go ahead and say,
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Pa slobodno recite,
05:45
"I'm hoping to discuss opportunities
to work in your company,"
to work in your company,"
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"Nadam se razgovoru o prilikama
za zapošljavanje u vašoj tvrtki",
za zapošljavanje u vašoj tvrtki",
05:48
or, "I'd like to propose
a joint research project
a joint research project
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ili "Predložila bih zajednički
istraživački projekt
istraživački projekt
05:51
in an area I know you're interested in,"
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u području od vašeg interesa",
05:54
or, "I'd like your advice
on getting into medical school."
on getting into medical school."
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ili, "Želim vaš savjet o upisivanju
medicinskog fakulteta".
medicinskog fakulteta".
05:58
Technically, I can't help you
with that last one
with that last one
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Tehnički vam ne mogu pomoći s ovim zadnjim
06:00
because I'm not that kind of doctor,
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jer nisam takva vrsta liječnika,
06:02
but I could point you in the direction
of someone who could.
of someone who could.
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ali vas mogu uputiti u smjeru
nekog drugog tko bi vam mogao pomoći.
nekog drugog tko bi vam mogao pomoći.
06:06
OK, second tip.
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Drugi savjet.
06:07
This is really important:
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Ovo je vrlo važno:
06:10
please avoid disclaimers,
apologies and bribes.
apologies and bribes.
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izbjegavajte ograđivanja,
isprike i podmićivanja.
isprike i podmićivanja.
06:15
Really, really important.
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Vrlo, vrlo važno.
06:16
Do any of these sound familiar?
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Zvuči li vam išta od toga poznato?
06:18
(Clears throat)
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(Pročišćava grlo)
06:20
'I'm so, so sorry
that I have to ask you for this."
that I have to ask you for this."
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"Tako mi je žao što
vas moram pitati za ovo."
vas moram pitati za ovo."
06:25
"I really hate bothering you with this."
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"Stvarno mi nije drago
smetati vam s ovim."
smetati vam s ovim."
06:28
"If I had any way of doing this
without your help, I would."
without your help, I would."
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"Da znam za neki način kako da ovo učinim
bez vaše pomoći, učinio bih to."
bez vaše pomoći, učinio bih to."
06:34
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
06:35
Sometimes it feels like people
are so eager to prove
are so eager to prove
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Ponekad se čini da su ljudi
toliko željni dokazati
toliko željni dokazati
06:38
that they're not weak and greedy
when they ask your for help,
when they ask your for help,
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kako nisu slabi ili pohlepni
kada vas traže pomoć,
kada vas traže pomoć,
06:41
they're completely missing out
on how uncomfortable
on how uncomfortable
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da im posve promiče koliko vas stavljaju
06:44
they're making you feel.
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u neugodnu situaciju.
06:45
And by the way -- how am I supposed
to find it satisfying to help you
to find it satisfying to help you
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I usput -- kako bih ja mogla osjećati
zadovoljstvo u pomaganju vama,
zadovoljstvo u pomaganju vama,
06:49
if you really hated
having to ask me for help?
having to ask me for help?
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ako vam je zaista tako mrsko
pitati me za pomoć?
pitati me za pomoć?
06:53
And while it is perfectly,
perfectly acceptable
perfectly acceptable
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I dok je posve prihvatljivo
06:56
to pay strangers to do things for you,
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platiti strancima da učine nešto za vas,
06:59
you need to be very, very careful
when it comes to incentivizing
when it comes to incentivizing
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morate biti vrlo, vrlo oprezni
kada potičete na to
kada potičete na to
07:03
your friends and coworkers.
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svoje prijatelje ili kolege.
07:05
When you have a relationship with someone,
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Kada ste u vezi s nekim,
07:07
helping one another is actually
a natural part of that relationship.
a natural part of that relationship.
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međusobno pomaganje je zapravo
prirodna sastavnica te veze.
prirodna sastavnica te veze.
07:11
It's how we show one another that we care.
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Tako dokazujemo jedni drugima
da nam je stalo.
da nam je stalo.
07:13
If you introduce incentives
or payments into that,
or payments into that,
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Ako u to uključite
neki poticaj ili uplatu,
neki poticaj ili uplatu,
07:17
what can happen is, it starts to feel
like it isn't a relationship,
like it isn't a relationship,
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može se dogoditi da se to prestane
doživljavati kao veza,
doživljavati kao veza,
07:21
it's a transaction.
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to je transakcija.
07:23
And that actually
is experienced as distancing,
is experienced as distancing,
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I to može biti doživljeno kao udaljavanje,
07:25
which, ironically, makes people
less likely to help you.
less likely to help you.
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a to, ironično, čini da su ljudi
manje raspoloženi da vam pomognu.
manje raspoloženi da vam pomognu.
07:29
So a spontaneous gift
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Tako je spontani dar
07:31
after someone gives you some help
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
to show your appreciation and gratitude --
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nakon što vam netko pomogne, kako biste
iskazali poštovanje i zahvalnost --
iskazali poštovanje i zahvalnost --
07:35
perfectly fine.
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potpuno u redu.
07:37
An offer to pay your best friend
to help you move into your new apartment
to help you move into your new apartment
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Ponuda da platite najboljem prijatelju
pomoć pri selidbi u novi stan
pomoć pri selidbi u novi stan
07:41
is not.
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nije u redu.
07:42
OK, third rule,
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Treće pravilo,
07:44
and I really mean this one:
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i ovo stvarno mislim:
07:45
please do not ask for help
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molim vas, ne tražite pomoć
07:48
over email or text.
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putem emaila ili sms poruke.
07:51
Really, seriously, please don't.
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Zaista, ozbiljno, molim vas, nemojte.
07:53
Email and text are impersonal.
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Email i poruke su neosobni.
07:56
I realize sometimes
there's no alternative,
there's no alternative,
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Razumijem da ponekad nema drugog izbora,
07:58
but mostly what happens is,
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ali obično se događa
08:01
we like to ask for help
over email and text
over email and text
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da pitamo za pomoć putem emaila ili poruke
08:04
because it feels less awkward
for us to do so.
for us to do so.
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zato što nam djeluje manje čudno.
08:08
You know what else feels
less awkward over email and text?
less awkward over email and text?
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Znate što još djeluje manje čudno
putem emaila ili poruke?
putem emaila ili poruke?
08:12
Telling you no.
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Odbijanje.
08:14
And it turns out, there's
research to support this.
research to support this.
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Ispostavlja se da istraživanje
podupire ovu tvrdnju.
podupire ovu tvrdnju.
08:17
In-person requests for help
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
are 30 times more likely to get a yes
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Osobni zahtjevi za pomoć 30 puta su
vjerojatniji da završe pristajanjem
vjerojatniji da završe pristajanjem
08:22
than a request made by email.
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nego zahtjev putem emaila.
08:25
So when something is really important
and you really need someone's help,
and you really need someone's help,
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Pa ako se radi o nečem doista važnom
i doista vam treba nečija pomoć,
i doista vam treba nečija pomoć,
08:28
make face time to make the request,
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nađite vremena da osobno uputite zahtjev,
08:31
or use your phone as a phone --
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ili upotrijebite svoj telefon
kao telefon --
kao telefon --
08:34
(Laughter)
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(Smijeh)
08:36
to ask for the help that you need.
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da zatražite pomoć koja vam je potrebna.
08:39
OK.
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U redu.
08:40
Last one, and this is actually
a really, really important one
a really, really important one
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Posljednje, i ovo je zapravo
vrlo, vrlo važno
vrlo, vrlo važno
08:44
and probably the one
that is most overlooked
that is most overlooked
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i vjerojatno najzanemarenije
08:46
when it comes to asking for help:
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kada se radi o traženju pomoći:
08:48
when you ask someone
for their help and they say yes,
for their help and they say yes,
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kada zatražite nečiju pomoć
i oni pristanu,
i oni pristanu,
08:51
follow up with them afterward.
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javite im se nakon toga.
08:54
There's a common misconception
that what's rewarding about helping
that what's rewarding about helping
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Česta je pogrešna predodžba
kako je pri pomaganju
kako je pri pomaganju
08:57
is the act of helping itself.
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sam čini pomoći nagrada za sebe.
09:00
This is not true.
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To nije istina.
09:01
What is rewarding about helping
is knowing that your help landed,
is knowing that your help landed,
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Nagrada pri pomaganju je znati da
je vaša pomoć uspjela,
je vaša pomoć uspjela,
09:05
that it had impact,
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da je imala utjecaj,
09:07
that you were effective.
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da ste bili učinkoviti.
09:09
If I have no idea
how my help affected you,
how my help affected you,
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Ako ja nemam pojma kako je
moja pomoć utjecala na vas,
moja pomoć utjecala na vas,
09:13
how am I supposed to feel about it?
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kako bih se trebala osjećati?
09:14
This happened; I was a university
professor for many years,
professor for many years,
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Ovo se dogodilo; bila sam sveučilišna
profesorica dugi niz godina,
profesorica dugi niz godina,
09:17
I wrote lots and lots
of letters of recommendation
of letters of recommendation
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pisala sam brojna pisma preporuke
09:20
for people to get jobs
or to go into graduate school.
or to go into graduate school.
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za ljude koji su tražili posao
ili upisivali doktorski studij.
ili upisivali doktorski studij.
09:22
And probably about 95 percent of them,
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Za vjerojatno oko 95 posto njih
09:25
I have no idea what happened.
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nemam pojma što se dogodilo.
09:27
Now, how do I feel about the time
and effort I took to do that,
and effort I took to do that,
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Kako da se osjećam zbog vremena i truda
koje sam uložila da vam to učinim,
koje sam uložila da vam to učinim,
09:30
when I really have no idea
if I helped you,
if I helped you,
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kada zapravo ne znam jesam li vam pomogla,
09:33
if it actually helped you
get the thing that you wanted?
get the thing that you wanted?
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je li vam to zapravo pomoglo
da dobijete što ste željeli?
da dobijete što ste željeli?
09:36
In fact, this idea of feeling effective
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U biti, ovaj pojam osjećaja učinkovitosti
09:38
is part of why certain kinds
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
of donor appeals are so, so persuasive --
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je zašto su određene vrste apela
za doniranje toliko uvjerljive --
za doniranje toliko uvjerljive --
09:44
because they allow you
to really vividly imagine
to really vividly imagine
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jer vam dopuštaju da
vrlo slikovito zamislite
vrlo slikovito zamislite
09:47
the effect that your help
is going to have.
is going to have.
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učinak koji će vaša pomoć imati.
09:49
Take something like DonorsChoose.
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Uzmimo primjerice DonorsChoose.
09:52
You go online, you can choose
the individual teacher by name
the individual teacher by name
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Odete na internet, možete odabrati
određenog učitelja poimence
određenog učitelja poimence
09:55
whose classroom you're going
to be able to help
to be able to help
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čijoj ćete učionici pomoći,
09:58
by literally buying the specific
items they've requested,
items they've requested,
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doslovno kupujući određene
predmete koje su zatražili,
predmete koje su zatražili,
10:01
like microscopes or laptops
or flexible seating.
or flexible seating.
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poput mikroskopa, laptopa
ili sklopivih sjedala.
ili sklopivih sjedala.
10:05
An appeal like that makes it
so easy for me to imagine
so easy for me to imagine
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Takav zahtjev čini da vrlo
jednostavno zamislim
jednostavno zamislim
dobrobit koju će moj novac omogućiti,
10:09
the good that my money will do,
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10:10
that I actually get
an immediate sense of effectiveness
an immediate sense of effectiveness
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da dobivam izravan osjećaj učinkovitosti
10:13
the minute I commit to giving.
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iste minute kada se obavežem na davanje.
10:15
But you know what else they do?
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Ali znate li što još oni čine?
10:16
They follow up.
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Oni vam se jave.
10:18
Donors actually get letters
from the kids in the classroom.
from the kids in the classroom.
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Donatori primaju pisma
od djece iz te učionice.
od djece iz te učionice.
10:22
They get pictures.
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Primaju slike.
10:23
They get to know
that they made a difference.
that they made a difference.
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Daje im se na znanje
da su učinili razliku.
da su učinili razliku.
10:26
And this is something we need
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
to all be doing in our everyday lives,
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To je nešto što svi trebamo
činiti u svakodnevnom životu,
činiti u svakodnevnom životu,
10:29
especially if we want people
to continue to give us help
to continue to give us help
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pogotovo ako želimo da nam ljudi
nastave pružati pomoć
nastave pružati pomoć
10:32
over the long term.
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u dužem razdoblju.
10:34
Take time to tell your colleague
that the help that they gave you
that the help that they gave you
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Uzmite vremena da kažete svom kolegi
da vam je njegova pružena pomoć
da vam je njegova pružena pomoć
10:37
really helped you land that big sale,
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doista pomogla da ostvarite
veliku prodaju,
veliku prodaju,
10:39
or helped you get that interview
that you were really hoping to get.
that you were really hoping to get.
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ili da vam je pomogla da dobijete
razgovor za posao kojem ste se nadali.
razgovor za posao kojem ste se nadali.
Uzmite vremena da kažete svom partneru
da vam je podrška koju vam je pružio
da vam je podrška koju vam je pružio
10:43
Take time to tell your partner
that the support they gave you
that the support they gave you
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10:46
really made it possible for you
to get through a tough time.
to get through a tough time.
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doista omogućila da se probijete
kroz teško razdoblje.
kroz teško razdoblje.
10:50
Take time to tell your catsitter
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Uzmite vremena da kažete osobi
koja vam čuva mačku
koja vam čuva mačku
10:52
that you're super happy
that for some reason,
that for some reason,
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kako ste jako sretni da iz nekog razloga
10:55
this time the cats didn't break
anything while you were away,
anything while you were away,
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mačke nisu ništa polupale
dok vas nije bilo,
dok vas nije bilo,
10:58
and so they must have done
a really good job.
a really good job.
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pa znači da je ta osoba sigurno
odradila jako dobar posao.
odradila jako dobar posao.
11:02
The bottom line is:
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Poanta je sljedeća:
11:03
I know -- believe me, I know --
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ja znam -- vjerujte mi, ja znam --
11:05
that it is not easy to ask for help.
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da nije jednostavno zatražiti pomoć.
11:09
We are all a little bit afraid to do it.
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Svi se pomalo bojimo to učiniti.
11:11
It makes us feel vulnerable.
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To nas čini ranjivima.
11:13
But the reality of modern work
and modern life
and modern life
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Ali stvarnost modernog rada
i modernog života
i modernog života
11:18
is that nobody does it alone.
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jest da nitko to ne radi sam.
11:20
Nobody succeeds in a vacuum.
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Nitko ne uspijeva u vakuumu.
11:22
More than ever, we actually do
have to rely on other people,
have to rely on other people,
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Više nego ikada se stvarno
moramo osloniti na druge,
moramo osloniti na druge,
11:26
on their support and collaboration,
in order to be successful.
in order to be successful.
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na njihovu podršku i suradnju,
kako bismo bili uspješni.
kako bismo bili uspješni.
11:30
So when you need help,
ask for it out loud.
ask for it out loud.
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Pa kada trebate pomoć,
naglas je zatražite.
naglas je zatražite.
11:35
And when you do, do it in a way
that increases your chances
that increases your chances
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A kada to činite, neka to bude na način
koji povećava šanse
koji povećava šanse
11:38
that you'll get a yes
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da dobijete "da" kao odgovor,
11:39
and makes the other person
feel awesome for having helped you,
feel awesome for having helped you,
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i koji čini da se osoba osjeća
sjajno jer vam je pomogla,
sjajno jer vam je pomogla,
11:44
because you both deserve it.
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jer oboje to zaslužujete.
11:46
Thank you.
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Hvala.
11:47
(Applause)
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(Pljesak)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Heidi Grant - Social psychologistHeidi Grant researches, writes and speaks about the science of motivation, influence and decision-making.
Why you should listen
Dr. Heidi Grant is the Chief Science Officer for the Neuroleadership Institute, Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia University, and author of six best-selling books, including: Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You, No One Understands You and What to Do About It and Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. In 2017, Grant was named one of Thinkers50's most influential management thinkers globally.
Heidi Grant | Speaker | TED.com