ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

More profile about the speaker
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2010

Elizabeth Lesser: Take "the Other" to lunch

Elizabeth Lesser: Convide “o Outro” para almoçar

Filmed:
1,460,477 views

Há uma tensão divisionista e raivosa no ar que ameaça fazer a política moderna impossível. Elizabeth Lesser explora os dois lados da natureza humana que criam essa tensão (chame-os “o místico” e o “guerreiro”) e compartilha uma maneira simples, pessoal para começar um diálogo real – ao ir almoçar com alguém que não concorda com você, e fazer três perguntas para descobrir o que realmente está em seus corações.
- Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

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This room may appear
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Essa sala pode parecer
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to be holding 600 people,
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ter 600 pessoas,
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but there's actually so many more,
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mas na verdade tem muitas mais,
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because in each one of us
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porque em cada um de nós
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there is a multitude of personalities.
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existe uma multidão de personalidades.
00:26
I have two primary personalities
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Eu tenho duas personalidades primárias
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that have been in conflict and conversation within me
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que estão em conflito e conversando dentro de mim
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since I was a little girl.
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desde o tempo de garotinha.
00:33
I call them "the mystic"
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Eu as chamo “a mística”
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and "the warrior."
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e a ”guerreira”.
00:37
I was born into a family
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Eu nasci em uma família
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of politically active,
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de ativistas políticos,
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intellectual atheists.
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ateus intelectuais.
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There was this equation in my family that went something like this:
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Em minha família havia uma equação mais ou menos assim:
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if you are intelligent,
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Se você é inteligente,
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you therefore are not spiritual.
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então você não crê em nada espiritual.
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I was the freak of the family.
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Eu era a aberração da família.
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I was this weird little kid
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Eu era essa guria esquisita
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who wanted to have deep talks
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que queria ter conversas profundas
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about the worlds that might exist
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sobre os mundos que poderiam existir
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beyond the ones that we perceive with our senses.
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além daqueles que percebemos com nossos sentidos.
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I wanted to know
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Eu queria saber
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if what we human beings see
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se o que os seres humanos vêem
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and hear and think
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e ouvem e pensam
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is a full and accurate picture
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é uma imagem completa e precisa
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of reality.
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da realidade.
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So, looking for answers,
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Assim buscando respostas,
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I went to Catholic mass.
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eu fui a missas católicas;
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I tagged along with my neighbors.
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me reunia com os meus vizinhos.
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I read Sartre and Socrates.
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Li Sartre e Sócrates.
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And then a wonderful thing happened
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E então uma coisa maravilhosa aconteceu
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when I was in high school:
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quando eu estava no ensino médio:
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Gurus from the East
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Gurus do Oriente
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started washing up on the shores of America.
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começaram a chegar às margens da América do Norte.
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And I said to myself,
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E eu disse a mim mesma,
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"I wanna get me one of them."
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“Eu quero ter um deles.”
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And ever since,
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E desde então,
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I've been walking the mystic path,
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Tenho caminhado no caminho místico,
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trying to peer beyond
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tentando enxergar além
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what Albert Einstein called
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do que Albert Einstein chamou,
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"the optical delusion
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“a ilusão de ótica
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of everyday consciousness."
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da consciência cotidiana.”
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So what did he mean by this? I'll show you.
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Então o que ele quis dizer com isso? Vou lhe mostrar.
01:52
Take a breath right now
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Inspire agora mesmo
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of this clear air in this room.
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esse ar puro nesta sala.
01:58
Now, see this strange,
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Agora, vê essa coisa estranha,
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underwater,
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subaquática,
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coral reef-looking thing?
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que parece um coral?
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It's actually a person's trachea,
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Isso é na verdade a traquéia de uma pessoa.
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and those colored globs
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E essas esponjas coloridas
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are microbes
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são micróbios
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that are actually swimming around in this room
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que aliás estão nadando nesta sala
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right now, all around us.
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neste momento, ao nosso redor.
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If we're blind to this simple biology,
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Se somos cegos a esta simples biologia,
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imagine what we're missing
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Imagine o que estamos perdendo
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at the smallest subatomic level right now
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no menor nível subatômico neste momento
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and at the grandest cosmic levels.
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e nos grandiosos níveis cósmicos.
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My years as a mystic
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Meus tempos de mística
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have made me question
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fizeram com que eu me questionasse
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almost all my assumptions.
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quase todas as minhas presunções.
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They've made me a proud I-don't-know-it-all.
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Eles fizeram-me uma orgulhosa que-não-sabe-tudo.
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Now when the mystic part of me
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Agora, quando a parte mística em mim
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jabbers on and on like this,
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tagarela sem parar,
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the warrior rolls her eyes.
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a guerreira revira seus olhos.
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She's concerned
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Ela está preocupada
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about what's happening in this world right now.
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com o que está acontecendo no mundo neste momento.
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She's worried.
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Ela está preocupada.
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She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,
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Ela diz, “Desculpe-me, estou chateada,
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and I know a few things,
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e eu sei de algumas coisas,
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and we better get busy about them right now."
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e é melhor prestarmos atenção nelas imediatamente.”
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I've spent my life as a warrior,
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Passei minha vida como uma guerreira,
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working for women's issues,
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trabalhando para as questões das mulheres,
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working on political campaigns,
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trabalhando em campanhas políticas,
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being an activist for the environment.
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sendo uma ativista para o meio ambiente.
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And it can be sort of crazy-making,
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e pode ser meio enlouquecedor
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housing both the mystic and the warrior
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abrigar ambas, a mística e a guerreira
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in one body.
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em um corpo.
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I've always been attracted
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Sempre senti-me atraída
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to those rare people
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por essas raras pessoas
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who pull that off,
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que se realizam,
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who devote their lives to humanity
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que dedicam suas vidas à humanidade
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with the grit of the warrior
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com a coragem da guerreira
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and the grace of the mystic --
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e a graça da mística –
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people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,
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pessoas como Martin Luther King Jr.
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who wrote, "I can never be
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que escreveu, “Jamais posso ser
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what I ought to be
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o que devo ser,
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until you are
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até você ser
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what you ought to be.
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o que deve ser.
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This," he wrote, "is the interrelated structure
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“Isso,” ele escreveu, “é a estrutura inter relacionada
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of reality."
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da realidade.”
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Then Mother Teresa, another mystic warrior,
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Mãe Teresa, outra guerreira mística,
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who said, "The problem with the world
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que disse, “O problema com o mundo
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is that we draw the circle of our family
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é que nós desenhamos o círculo da nossa família
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too small."
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muito pequeno.”
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And Nelson Mandela,
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E Nelson Mandela,
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who lives by the African concept
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que vive de acordo com o conceito africano
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of "ubuntu,"
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do ubuntu,
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which means "I need you
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que significa eu preciso de você
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in order to be me,
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para ser eu,
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and you need me in order to be you."
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e você precisa de mim para ser você.
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Now we all love to trot out
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Todos nós adoramos repetir a mesma história
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these three mystic warriors
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desses três guerreiros místicos
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as if they were born
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como se eles tivessem nascido
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with the saint gene.
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com o gene santo.
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But we all actually have
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Mas na realidade todos nós temos
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the same capacity that they do,
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a mesma capacidade que eles têm,
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and we need to do
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e nós precisamos fazer
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their work now.
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o trabalho deles agora.
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I'm deeply disturbed
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Estou profundamente perturbada
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by the ways in which all of our cultures
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pela maneira como todas as nossas culturas
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are demonizing "the Other"
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demonizam o Outro
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by the voice we're giving
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pela voz que estamos dando
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to the most divisive among us.
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ao mais desagregador entre nós.
04:45
Listen to these titles
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Ouçam esses títulos
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of some of the bestselling books
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de alguns dos melhores best-sellers
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from both sides of the political divide
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de ambos lados do espectro político
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here in the U.S.
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aqui nos EU.
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"Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder,"
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“Liberalismo é uma Desordem Mental,”
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"Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot,"
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“Rush Limbaugh é um Grande Idiota Gordo,”
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"Pinheads and Patriots,"
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“Tolos e Patriotas”,
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"Arguing With Idiots."
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“Discutindo com Idiotas.”
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They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,
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Eles são supostamente jocosos,
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but they're actually dangerous.
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mas são na verdade perigosos.
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Now here's a title that may sound familiar,
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Aqui está um título que pode soar familiar,
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but whose author may surprise you:
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mas cujo autor poderá surpreender vocês:
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"Four-and-a-Half-Years of Struggle
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“Quatro Anos e Meio de Luta
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Against Lies, Stupidity
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Contra Mentiras, Estupidez
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and Cowardice."
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e Covardia”.
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Who wrote that?
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Quem escreveu isto?
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That was Adolf Hitler's first title
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Este foi o primeiro título de Adolfo Hitler
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for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --
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para "Mein Kampf” – “Minha Luta” –
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the book that launched the Nazi party.
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o livro que lançou o partido nazista.
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The worst eras in human history,
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As piores eras na história humana,
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whether in Cambodia or Germany
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quer seja no Camboja ou Alemanha
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or Rwanda,
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ou Ruanda,
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they start like this, with negative other-izing.
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eles começam assim, com alteridade negativa.
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And then they morph
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E então se transformam
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into violent extremism.
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em extremismo violento.
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This is why I'm launching a new initiative.
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É por isso que estou lançando uma nova iniciativa.
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And it's to help all of us,
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E é para ajudar a todos,
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myself included,
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incluindo eu mesma,
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to counteract the tendency
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para agir contra a tendência
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to "otherize."
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a alterizar.
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And I realize we're all busy people,
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E eu entendo que somos pessoas muito ocupadas,
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so don't worry, you can do this on a lunch break.
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então não se preocupem, vocês podem fazer isto no horário do almoço.
06:02
I'm calling my initiative,
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A minha iniciativa se chama,
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"Take the Other to Lunch."
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“Convide o Outro para Almoçar.”
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If you are
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Se você é
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a Republican,
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um Republicano,
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you can take a Democrat to lunch,
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poderá levar um Democrata para almoçar,
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or if you're a Democrat,
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ou se você é um Democrata,
06:17
think of it
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pense nisto
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as taking a Republican to lunch.
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como levar um Republicano para almoçar.
06:21
Now if the idea of taking any of these people to lunch
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Agora, se a ideia de levar um desses para almoçar
06:24
makes you lose your appetite,
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faz com que você perca o apetite,
06:27
I suggest you start more local,
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Eu sugiro que comece do mais local,
06:30
because there is no shortage of the Other
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porque escassez do Outro não existe
06:33
right in your own neighborhood.
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em sua própria vizinhança.
06:36
Maybe that person
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Talvez aquela pessoa
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who worships at the mosque,
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que frequenta a mesquita,
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or the church or the synagogue, down the street.
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ou a igreja ou a sinagoga, na sua rua;
06:43
Or someone from the other side
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ou alguém do outro lado
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of the abortion conflict.
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do conflito do aborto;
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Or maybe your brother-in-law
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ou talvez o seu cunhado
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who doesn't believe in global warming.
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que não acredita em aquecimento global –
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Anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you,
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qualquer pessoa cujo estilo de vida pode lhe assustar,
06:58
or whose point of view
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ou cujo ponto de vista
07:00
makes smoke come out of your ears.
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faz fumaça sair pelos seus ouvidos.
07:04
A couple of weeks ago,
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Duas semanas atrás,
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I took a Conservative Tea Party woman to lunch.
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Eu levei uma mulher do Movimento Conservador Tea Party para almoçar.
07:11
Now on paper, she passed my smoking ears test.
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Agora, no papel, ela passou meu teste de fumaça pelos ouvidos.
07:15
She's an activist from the Right,
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Ela é uma ativista da Direita,
07:17
and I'm an activist from the Left.
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e eu sou uma ativista da Esquerda.
07:21
And we used some guidelines
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Nós usamos alguns princípios básicos
07:23
to keep our conversation elevated,
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para manter nossa conversa elevada,
07:25
and you can use them too,
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e você pode usá-los também,
07:27
because I know you're all going
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porque eu sei que todos vocês vão
07:29
to take an Other to lunch.
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levar um Outro para almoçar.
07:31
So first of all, decide on a goal:
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Em primeiro lugar, escolha um objetivo:
07:34
to get to know one person
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conhecer melhor uma pessoa
07:36
from a group you may have negatively stereotyped.
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de um grupo que você possa ter negativamente estereotipado
07:41
And then, before you get together,
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E então, antes de vocês se encontrarem,
07:43
agree on some ground rules.
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concordem com algumas regras básicas.
07:45
My Tea Party lunchmate and I
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Minha companheira de almoço do Tea Party e eu
07:48
came up with these:
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escolhemos as seguintes:
07:50
don't persuade, defend
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Não persuadir, defender
07:52
or interrupt.
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ou interromper.
07:54
Be curious;
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Seja curiosa,
07:56
be conversational; be real.
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goste da conversa, seja real.
07:58
And listen.
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E ouça.
08:00
From there, we dove in.
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Daqui, nós mergulhamos.
08:02
And we used these questions:
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E usamos estas questões:
08:04
Share some of your life experiences with me.
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Compartilhe algumas das suas experiências de vida comigo.
08:07
What issues
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Que problemas
08:09
deeply concern you?
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a preocupam profundamente?
08:11
And what have you always wanted to ask
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E o que sempre quis perguntar a alguém
08:13
someone from the other side?
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do outro lado?
08:16
My lunch partner and I
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Minha companheira de almoço e eu
08:18
came away with some really important insights,
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fomos embora com alguns insights realmente importantes,
08:20
and I'm going to share just one with you.
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e vou compartilhar somente um com vocês.
08:23
I think it has relevance
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Eu acho que isto é relevante
08:25
to any problem
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para qualquer problema
08:27
between people anywhere.
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entre as pessoas em qualquer lugar.
08:29
I asked her why her side
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Eu lhe perguntei por que o seu lado
08:32
makes such outrageous allegations
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faz alegações tão ultrajantes
08:34
and lies about my side.
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e mente sobre o meu lado.
08:37
"What?" she wanted to know.
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“O que?” ela quis saber.
08:39
"Like we're a bunch
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“Como se fôssemos uma cambada
08:41
of elitist,
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de elitistas,
08:43
morally-corrupt terrorist-lovers."
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corruptos morais e amantes de terroristas.”
08:45
Well, she was shocked.
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Bem, ela ficou chocada.
08:47
She thought my side
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Ela pensava que meu lado
08:49
beat up on her side way more often,
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surrava seu lado com muito mais frequência,
08:52
that we called them brainless,
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que os chamamos de estúpidos,
08:54
gun-toting racists,
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racistas de armas em punho.
08:57
and we both marveled
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E as duas admiramos
08:59
at the labels that fit
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os rótulos que não encaixam
09:01
none of the people
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em ninguém
09:03
we actually know.
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que nós de fato conhecemos.
09:05
And since we had established some trust,
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E já que estabelecemos alguma confiança,
09:07
we believed in each other's sincerity.
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nós acreditamos na sinceridade de cada uma.
09:11
We agreed we'd speak up in our own communities
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Concordamos que elevaríamos o tom em nossas comunidades
09:14
when we witnessed
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quando presenciássemos
09:16
the kind of "otherizing" talk
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o tipo de fala de alterizar
09:18
that can wound
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que pode ferir
09:20
and fester into paranoia
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e degringolar em paranóia
09:22
and then be used by those on the fringes
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e então ser usado por aqueles interessados
09:25
to incite.
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em incitar.
09:27
By the end of our lunch,
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Ao final do nosso almoço,
09:29
we acknowledged each other's openness.
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nós reconhecemos a franqueza de cada uma.
09:31
Neither of us had tried to change the other.
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Nenhuma das duas tinha tentado mudar uma à outra.
09:34
But we also hadn't pretended
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Mas também não tínhamos fingido
09:37
that our differences were just going to melt away
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que nossas diferenças iriam simplesmente se derreter
09:40
after a lunch.
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depois de um almoço.
09:45
Instead, we had taken
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Em vez disso, nós tínhamos dado
09:47
first steps together,
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primeiros passos juntas,
09:49
past our knee-jerk reactions,
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passado nossas reações instintivas,
09:51
to the ubuntu place,
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para o lugar de ubuntu,
09:53
which is the only place
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que é o único lugar
09:55
where solutions
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onde soluções
09:57
to our most intractable-seeming problems
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para nossos problemas que parecem ser mais difíceis,
10:01
will be found.
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serão encontradas.
10:03
Who should you invite to lunch?
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Quem você convidaria para almoçar?
10:06
Next time you catch yourself
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Na próxima vez que você se pegar
10:08
in the act of otherizing,
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em um ato da alterizar,
10:10
that will be your clue.
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esse será o seu sinal.
10:12
And what might happen at your lunch?
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E o que poderá acontecer durante o seu almoço?
10:15
Will the heavens open
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Será que os céus se abrirão
10:17
and "We Are the World" play over the restaurant sound system?
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e “We Are the World" será tocado no sistema de som do restaurante?
10:20
Probably not.
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Provavelmente não.
10:22
Because ubuntu work is slow,
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Porque o trabalho de ubuntu é lento,
10:24
and it's difficult.
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e é difícil.
10:26
It's two people
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São duas pessoas
10:28
dropping the pretense
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deixando cair o fingimento
10:30
of being know-it-alls.
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de serem os sabe-tudo.
10:32
It's two people,
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São duas pessoas,
10:34
two warriors,
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dois guerreiros,
10:36
dropping their weapons
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deixando suas armas caírem
10:38
and reaching toward each other.
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e estendendo a mão um ao outro.
10:41
Here's how the great Persian poet Rumi put it:
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Aqui está como o grande poeta persa Rumi coloca isto:
10:45
"Out beyond ideas
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“Para além das ideias
10:48
of wrong-doing and right-doing,
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de impecabilidades e transgressões,
10:51
there is a field.
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há um campo.
10:53
I'll meet you there."
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Eu o encontrarei lá.
10:55
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
Translated by Nadja Nathan
Reviewed by rodrigo TERRA

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Lesser - Wellness specialist
Elizabeth Lesser helps her readers and students transform their lives after brushes with pain, adversity and life's myriad problems.

Why you should listen

Elizabeth Lesser is a bestselling author and the cofounder of Omega Institute, the renowned conference and retreat center located in Rhinebeck, New York. Lesser's first book, The Seeker's Guide, chronicles her years at Omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing. Her New York Times bestselling book, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow (Random House), has sold more than 300,000 copies and has been translated into 20 languages. Her latest book, Marrow: A Love Story (Harper Collins/September 2016), is a memoir about Elizabeth and her younger sister, Maggie, and the process they went through when Elizabeth was the donor for Maggie’s bone marrow transplant.

Lesser cofounded Omega Institute in 1977 -- a time when a variety of fresh ideas were sprouting in American culture. Since then, the institute has been at the forefront of holistic education, offering workshops and trainings in: integrative medicine, prevention, nutrition, and the mind/body connection; meditation and yoga; cross-cultural arts and creativity; ecumenical spirituality; and social change movements like women's empowerment and environmental sustainability. Lesser is also the cofounder of Omega's Women's Leadership Center, which grew out of the popular Women & Power conference series featuring women leaders, activists, authors and artists from around the world. Each year more than 30,000 people participate in Omega's programs on its campus in Rhinebeck, New York and at urban and travel sites, and more than a million people visit its website for online learning.

A student of the Sufi master, Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, for many years, Lesser has also studied with spiritual teachers, healers, psychologists and philosophers from other traditions. In 2008 she helped Oprah Winfrey produce a ten-week online seminar based on Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth. The webinar was viewed by more than 8 million people worldwide. She was a frequent host on Oprah's "Soul Series," a weekly radio show on Sirius/XM, and a guest on Oprah's "Super Soul Sunday." In 2011, she gave a TED Talk, "Take 'the Other' to lunch ," in which she called for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings.

Lesser attended Barnard College, where she studied literature, and San Francisco State University, where she received a teaching degree. In 2011 she received an honorary doctorate from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, in Palo Alto, California. Early in her career she was a midwife and birth educator. Today, besides writing and her work at Omega Institute, she lends her time to social and environmental causes and is an avid walker, cook and gardener. She lives with her family in New York's Hudson River Valley.

More profile about the speaker
Elizabeth Lesser | Speaker | TED.com