TED2009
Elizabeth Gilbert: Your elusive creative genius
Elizabeth Gilbert ijodkorlikni rivojlantirish haqida
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Elizabeth Gilbertni ilhomi san'atkor va allomalardan talab qilinadigan qilib bo'lmas narsalardadir- va u o'zgacha bir firkrga ega, bir odamning iste'dodli alloma bo'lishidan ko'ra u odamda iste'dod bor deydi. Bu qiziqarli, shaxsiy va kutilmagan chuqur ma'ruza.
Elizabeth Gilbert - Writer
The author of 'Eat, Pray, Love,' Elizabeth Gilbert has thought long and hard about some big topics. Her fascinations: genius, creativity and how we get in our own way when it comes to both. Full bio
The author of 'Eat, Pray, Love,' Elizabeth Gilbert has thought long and hard about some big topics. Her fascinations: genius, creativity and how we get in our own way when it comes to both. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
I am a writer.
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Men yozuvchiman.
00:15
Writing books is my profession but it's more than that, of course.
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Kitob yozish mening kasbim, lekin albatta faqat bugina emas.
00:19
It is also my great lifelong love and fascination.
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Bu yana mening butun umri bo'yi sevib va ajablanib qiladigan ishimdir.
00:23
And I don't expect that that's ever going to change.
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va men bu hech qachon o'zgaradi deb o'ylamayman.
00:25
But, that said, something kind of peculiar has happened recently
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Lekin, yaqinda juda o'zgacha narsa sodir bo'ldi
00:30
in my life and in my career,
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mening hayotimda va kasbimda,
00:33
which has caused me to have to recalibrate my whole relationship with this work.
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va bu mening ishimga bo'lgan munosabatimni qayta ko'rib chiqishga undadi
00:38
And the peculiar thing is that I recently wrote this book,
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Bu o'zgacha hodisa men yaqinda bir kitob yozdim,
00:41
this memoir called "Eat, Pray, Love"
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memuar asar "Eat, Pray, Love" ( Yeng, seving, va ibodat qiling) degan
00:43
which, decidedly unlike any of my previous books,
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bu kitob mening oldingi kitoblarimga o'xshamay
00:48
went out in the world for some reason, and became this big,
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buun dunyoga tarqalib ketdi, nima uchundir
00:51
mega-sensation, international bestseller thing.
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ulkan olamshumul, xalqaro eng yaxshi sotilgan kitobga aylandi.
00:54
The result of which is that everywhere I go now,
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Buning natijasida qayerga borsam ham
00:57
people treat me like I'm doomed.
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odamlar meni bechoraga qaraganday qaraydi.
01:00
Seriously -- doomed, doomed!
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Haqiqatdan ham- bechoraga qaragandek qayaraydi!
01:03
Like, they come up to me now, all worried, and they say,
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Yani, ular menga kelib xavotirlanib aytishadi,
01:05
"Aren't you afraid you're never going to be able to top that?
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"Siz endi yozgan kitoblaringing bu kitobingizdan ko'ra mashhur bo'lolmaydi deb qo'rqmaysizmi?
01:10
Aren't you afraid you're going to keep writing for your whole life
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Butun umr davomida yozishdan qo'rmaysizmi?
01:13
and you're never again going to create a book
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va hech qachon yana bunday asar yozolmaslikdan
01:15
that anybody in the world cares about at all,
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va hech kim uni o'qimasligidan
01:18
ever again?"
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qo'rqmaysizmi?"
01:20
So that's reassuring, you know.
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Ko'rib turganingizdek ana shunaqa.
01:22
But it would be worse, except for that I happen to remember
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lekin bundan ham yomon bo'lish mumkin edi, biroq esimda borki
01:25
that over 20 years ago, when I first started telling people -- when I was a teenager --
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20 yilcha avval, o'spririn paytimda men odamlarga
01:29
that I wanted to be a writer,
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yozuvchi bo'laman deb aytishni boshladim.
01:31
I was met with this same kind of, sort of fear-based reaction.
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o'sha paytda ham menga shunday xavotir bilan e'tibor berishgandi.
01:34
And people would say, "Aren't you afraid you're never going to have any success?
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va odamlar so'rashardi: "Sen hech qachon muvaffaqiyatga erisholmaslikdan qo'rmaysanmi?
01:37
Aren't you afraid the humiliation of rejection will kill you?
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seni yerga urishsa va qabul qilishmasa, bu seni nobud qilmaydimi?
01:40
Aren't you afraid that you're going to work your whole life at this craft
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Butun umr bir asar ustida ishalab hech natijaga
01:43
and nothing's ever going to come of it
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hech narsaga erisholmaslikdan qo'rqmaysanmi?
01:45
and you're going to die on a scrap heap of broken dreams
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va sen armonlaring bilan o'lib ketishdan qo'rqmaysanmi
01:47
with your mouth filled with bitter ash of failure?"
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va faqat bilgan mazang faqat yengilish mazasi bo'lsachi?"
01:51
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
01:53
Like that, you know.
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ana shunaqa.
01:55
The answer -- the short answer to all those questions is, "Yes."
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Savolalrning hammasiga qisqacha javobim- "ha".
02:00
Yes, I'm afraid of all those things.
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Ha, men bu narsalardan qo'rqaman.
02:02
And I always have been.
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Har doim ham qo'rqanman.
02:03
And I'm afraid of many, many more things besides
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Va bulardan tashqari men yana ko'p narsalardan qo'rqaman.
02:06
that people can't even guess at,
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bularni odamlar hayoliga ham keltirmaydi.
02:08
like seaweed and other things that are scary.
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Masalan suvo'ti va boshqa qo'rqinchli narsalardan qo'rqaman.
02:12
But, when it comes to writing,
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Lekin, yozishga kelganda
02:14
the thing that I've been sort of thinking about lately, and wondering about lately, is why?
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Men yaqin oradan beri buning sababini o'ylab kelayapman.
02:18
You know, is it rational?
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Bu aqlga sig'adigan narsami o'zi?
02:20
Is it logical that anybody should be expected
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Mantiqan, hammadan shuni kutishadimi-
02:23
to be afraid of the work that they feel they were put on this Earth to do.
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yani Yer yuzida qilish kerak bo'lgan ishdan qo'rqishini kutadimi?
02:27
And what is it specifically about creative ventures
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Bilasizmi, ijodkorlar
02:32
that seems to make us really nervous about each other's mental health
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ruhiy sog'lomligi haqida biz qayg'uramiz.
02:35
in a way that other careers kind of don't do, you know?
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lekin buni boshqa ish va sohalarda uncha uchratmaysiz, bilasizmi?
02:38
Like my dad, for example, was a chemical engineer
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Masalan, otam, Kimyogar- Muhandis.
02:42
and I don't recall once in his 40 years of chemical engineering
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Va 40 yillik kimyoviy muhandislik davomida bir marta ham
02:45
anybody asking him if he was afraid to be a chemical engineer, you know?
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kimdir undan Kimyogar muhandis bo'lishdan qo'rqmaysanmi deb so'raganini bilmayman.
02:49
It didn't -- that chemical-engineering block, John, how's it going?
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shu muhandis- kimyogarlik Johnni bo'gayapti deyishmaydi
02:55
It just didn't come up like that, you know?
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bunday deyishmaydi, bilasizmi?
02:57
But to be fair, chemical engineers as a group
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lekin ochig'ini aytganda, kimyoviy muhandislarni hammasini olganda
03:01
haven't really earned a reputation over the centuries
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ular asrlar davomida
03:03
for being alcoholic manic-depressives.
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alkogolik, yoki ruhan tushkunllikka tushgan deb tanilmagan.
03:06
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
03:08
We writers, we kind of do have that reputation,
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Biz yozuvchilar esa shunday deb tanilganmiz,
03:11
and not just writers, but creative people across all genres,
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nafaqat yozuvchilar, balki har hil sohadagi ijodkor odamlar,
03:14
it seems, have this reputation for being enormously mentally unstable.
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bularnign hammasiz ruhiy va hissiy muvozanatsiz deb tanilgan.
03:19
And all you have to do is look at the very grim death count
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Bunga amin bo'lish uchun bu qorong'i o'limlar soniga qarang
03:23
in the 20th century alone, of really magnificent creative minds
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20- asrning o'zidagina, juda ham ijodkor odamlar
03:27
who died young and often at their own hands, you know?
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juda yosh, va ko'pincha o'z qo'llarida vafot etadilar, bilasizmi?
03:30
And even the ones who didn't literally commit suicide
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Agar ular o'zlariga suiqasd qilmasalar-da,
03:33
seem to be really undone by their gifts, you know.
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o'z iste'dodlaridan yemirilib borayotganday tuyuladi.
03:36
Norman Mailer, just before he died, last interview, he said
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Norman Mailer, eng oxirgi suhbatida shundya deydi:
03:39
"Every one of my books has killed me a little more."
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"Mening har bir kitobim meni birma-bir nobud qilib bordi"
03:43
An extraordinary statement to make about your life's work.
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Butun umr qilgan ishingizga bunday qarash oddiy narsa emas.
03:47
But we don't even blink when we hear somebody say this
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Lekin kimdir shundya desa biz parvo ham qilmaymiz
03:50
because we've heard that kind of stuff for so long
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chunki biz buni anchadan beri eshtib kelamiz
03:53
and somehow we've completely internalized and accepted collectively
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va biz hammamiz qandaydir qilib buni o'zlashtiganmiz va qabul qilganmiz
03:57
this notion that creativity and suffering are somehow inherently linked
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ijodkorlik va dard chekish huddi tug'ma bo'lib bog'langandek
04:01
and that artistry, in the end, will always ultimately lead to anguish.
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va bu ijodkorlik, oxirida, qayg'urishga olib keladi.
04:06
And the question that I want to ask everybody here today
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Va men bugun sizdan shuni so'rayman
04:08
is are you guys all cool with that idea?
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siz bu fikrga qo'shilasizmi?
04:11
Are you comfortable with that?
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shu haqiqat sizga qulaymi-
04:14
Because you look at it even from an inch away and, you know ...
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chunki siz qanchalik bunga yaqin yondashmang-
04:17
I'm not at all comfortable with that assumption.
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men bu firk bilan umuman qulaylik bilan qarab turolmayman.
04:20
I think it's odious.
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Bu juda ham qorong'i narsa.
04:21
And I also think it's dangerous,
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Va bu juda xavflidir.
04:23
and I don't want to see it perpetuated into the next century.
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Va men bunig kelasi asrda ham davom etishini xohlamayman.
04:26
I think it's better if we encourage our great creative minds to live.
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Agar biz ijodkorlarimizni yashashga chorlasak yaxshi bo'lardi.
04:30
And I definitely know that, in my case -- in my situation --
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Men shunga aminmanki, mening holatimda-
04:36
it would be very dangerous for me to start sort of leaking down that dark path
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bu qorong'ilikka cho'kib ketish juda xavfli bo'lgan bo'lardi
04:41
of assumption, particularly given the circumstance
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ayniqsa ijodkorlik
04:44
that I'm in right now in my career.
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bu hozir mening kasbim va ishim.
04:46
Which is -- you know, like check it out,
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yani, ko'rib turganingizdek
04:49
I'm pretty young, I'm only about 40 years old.
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men hali yoshman, atigi 40 yoshdaman.
04:51
I still have maybe another four decades of work left in me.
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Balkim menga yana 40 yil ishlahsga to'g'ri kelar.
04:54
And it's exceedingly likely that anything I write from this point forward
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Va hozirdan boshlab nimaiki yozsam
04:59
is going to be judged by the world as the work that came after
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dunyo bo'ylab meni ishimni eng oxirgi muvaffaqiyatli
05:02
the freakish success of my last book, right?
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asarimga solishtirishadi, shundaymasmi?
05:05
I should just put it bluntly, because we're all sort of friends here now --
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Shu ochiq aytishim kerakki
05:09
it's exceedingly likely that my greatest success is behind me.
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menimcha, eng ulkan muvaffaqiyatim ortda qoldi.
05:13
So Jesus, what a thought!
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O, Xudo, bu qanday fikr!
05:16
That's the kind of thought that could lead a person
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Bunday firklar odamni
05:18
to start drinking gin at nine o'clock in the morning,
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ertalabdan djin ichimligni ishishga chorlaydi.
05:21
and I don't want to go there.
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va men bu yo'lga kirishni xohlamayman.
05:24
(Laughter)
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(Kulgi)
05:25
I would prefer to keep doing this work that I love.
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men o'zim sevgan ishni qilishda davom etgim bor.
05:27
And so, the question becomes, how?
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va shunday savol tug'iladi, qanday qilib?
05:31
And so, it seems to me, upon a lot of reflection,
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menimncha, ko'p o'ylashlar natijasida
05:33
that the way that I have to work now, in order to continue writing,
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yozishni davom ettirish uchun, men hozirdan
05:37
is that I have to create some sort of protective psychological construct, right?
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o'zimga ruhiy yo'nalish yaratishim kerak, to'g'rimi?
05:41
I have to sort of find some way to have a safe distance
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Shunday xavfsiz masofa topishim kerak
05:44
between me, as I am writing, and my very natural anxiety
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yani, men va men yozgan narsalar orasida, va mening qayg'urishim o'rtasida
05:49
about what the reaction to that writing is going to be, from now on.
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mening o'z asarlarimga munosabatim o'rtasida.
05:53
And, as I've been looking over the last year for models for how to do that
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O'tgan yildan beri namuna bo'ladigan qolip va yo'nalishlar izlab kelaman
05:57
I've been sort of looking across time,
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tarixga nazar tashlasak
05:59
and I've been trying to find other societies
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ayniysa boshqa jamiyatlarda
06:01
to see if they might have had better and saner ideas than we have
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balki yaxshrioq va aqqliroq qarash va usullar bordir
06:05
about how to help creative people, sort of manage
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yani ijodkorlarga yordam berish, ularning
06:08
the inherent emotional risks of creativity.
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hissiyotli kechinmalarining xavfli tomonidan saqlaydigan yo'llar bordir balki.
06:11
And that search has led me to ancient Greece and ancient Rome.
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bu narsalarni qidirib men qadimiy Gretsiya va Rimga yo'liqdim.
06:16
So stay with me, because it does circle around and back.
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e'tibor bering, bu shunchaki takrorlanadigan narsa emas.
06:19
But, ancient Greece and ancient Rome --
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lekin qadimiy Gretsiyaliklar va Rimliklar
06:21
people did not happen to believe that creativity
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ijod odamdan keladi
06:24
came from human beings back then, O.K.?
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deb hisoblamaganlar.
06:26
People believed that creativity was this divine attendant spirit
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Odamlar ijodkorlik bu ilohiy bir joyan
06:30
that came to human beings from some distant and unknowable source,
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biz bilmagan joydan odamlarga keladi deb hisoblagan
06:34
for distant and unknowable reasons.
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va biz bilmagan sabablarga ko'ra keladi degan.
06:37
The Greeks famously called these divine attendant spirits of creativity "daemons."
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Greklar bu ilohiy narsani " daemons" deb atashgan
06:42
Socrates, famously, believed that he had a daemon
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Suqrot esa, hammaga mashhur, uning 'daemon' i borligiga ishongan
06:45
who spoke wisdom to him from afar.
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kimki, unga uzoqdan turib aqlli fikrlarni aytib turgan.
06:48
The Romans had the same idea,
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Rimliklar ham bu fikrga qo'shilgan.
06:49
but they called that sort of disembodied creative spirit a genius.
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Lekin ular nu narsani tanasiz ijodkor ruh- genius (ko'pni biluvchi daho) deb ataganlar
06:54
Which is great, because the Romans did not actually think
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Bu juda zo'r, chunki u paytda Rimliklar
06:57
that a genius was a particularly clever individual.
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aqlli odamni geniy ( daho) deb atamaganlar.
06:59
They believed that a genius was this, sort of magical divine entity,
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Ular geniy bu sehrli va ilohiy bir narsa deb ishongan,
07:03
who was believed to literally live in the walls
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qaysiki devorlarning ichida yashaydigan
07:07
of an artist's studio, kind of like Dobby the house elf,
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masalan ijodkorning uyida devorlardan kelib chiqib
07:11
and who would come out and sort of invisibly assist the artist with their work
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san'atkorga ko'zga ko'rinmasdan yordam beradigan
07:15
and would shape the outcome of that work.
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va ijod natijasiga ta'sir qiladigan narsalar deb tushunishgan.
07:18
So brilliant -- there it is, right there, that distance that I'm talking about --
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Man bu men aytayotgan ijod natijasini ijodkordan ajratadigan narsa
07:21
that psychological construct to protect you from the results of your work.
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- sizni ishingiz natijasidan asraydigan ruhiy chegara.
07:26
And everyone knew that this is how it functioned, right?
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Va bu qanday ishlashini hamma bilgan
07:29
So the ancient artist was protected from certain things,
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va qadimgi zamon ijodkorlari ba'zi bir xavslardan uzoq bo'lgan
07:32
like, for example, too much narcissism, right?
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masalan, ortiqcha manmanlikdan
07:34
If your work was brilliant you couldn't take all the credit for it,
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yani ajoyib san'at natijalari faqat ulardangina kelib chiqmagan
07:37
everybody knew that you had this disembodied genius who had helped you.
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hamma shunga ishonganki, ko'zga ko'rinmas- geniy, daho, unga yordam bergan deb.
07:41
If your work bombed, not entirely your fault, you know?
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Agar ishingiz yaxshi natija bermasa, bu butunlay sizniy aybingiz emas.
07:45
Everyone knew your genius was kind of lame.
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Hamma sizning ilhom paringiz uncha yaxhshi emasligi bilgan.
07:48
And this is how people thought about creativity in the West for a really long time.
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G'arbda ijodkorlik haqida odamlar uzoq payt shundya fikrga ega bo'lgan.
07:53
And then the Renaissance came and everything changed,
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Uyg'onish davriga kelib esa hamma narsa o'zgardi,
07:55
and we had this big idea, and the big idea was
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va bizdan ulkan g'oya paydo bo'ldi,
07:57
let's put the individual human being at the center of the universe
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yani, har bir inson go'yo butun olamlarning markazida turganday
08:01
above all gods and mysteries, and there's no more room
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barcha sehrlar va Xudodan ham yuqorida, va hech qanday
08:03
for mystical creatures who take dictation from the divine.
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sehrli va ilohiy narsalarnign tepadan turib nima qilishni aytib turishiga ishonmaydigan bo'ldik.
08:06
And it's the beginning of rational humanism,
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Va bu ongli insoniyatning boshlanishi deb ishondik,
08:09
and people started to believe that creativity
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va odamlar ijodkorlik har bir
08:11
came completely from the self of the individual.
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insonning o'zidangina keladi deb ishona boshladik
08:13
And for the first time in history,
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Va tarixda birinchi marta,
08:16
you start to hear people referring to this or that artist as being a genius
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siz odamlarning geniy,iste'dod sohiblari deb atalishini eshitasiz
08:21
rather than having a genius.
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yani, "ilhom parisi bor" deganning o'rniga.
08:22
And I got to tell you, I think that was a huge error.
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Menimcha bu juda katta xato bo'lgan.
08:26
You know, I think that allowing somebody, one mere person
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Bu go'yo, kichkina bir insonga
08:30
to believe that he or she is like, the vessel,
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huddi borliqning manbaiday qarash,
08:33
you know, like the font and the essence and the source
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yani
08:35
of all divine, creative, unknowable, eternal mystery
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ilohiylik, ijodkorlik, bilinmagan va abadiy sirlar manbai
08:39
is just a smidge too much responsibility to put on one fragile, human psyche.
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degan javobgarlikni bir nimjon odam ruhiga ortib qo'yishdir.
08:45
It's like asking somebody to swallow the sun.
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Bu go'yo odamdan quyoshni yutib yubor deb so'ragandek
08:48
It just completely warps and distorts egos,
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Bu o'zlikning qiyofasini buzish, uni o'zgartirishdir,
08:51
and it creates all these unmanageable expectations about performance.
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va aynan shu, bizdan bajarib bo'lmas ishlar qilishimizni kutadi.
08:55
And I think the pressure of that
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Va menimcha bu bosim beradi odamga
08:57
has been killing off our artists for the last 500 years.
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va shu tufayli ijod ahli 500 yil davomida bundan nobud bo'lib kelgan.
09:00
And, if this is true,
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Agar bu to'g'ri bo'lsa,
09:02
and I think it is true,
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men to'g'ri deb o'ylayman,
09:04
the question becomes, what now?
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shundya savol tug'iladi " Endi nima bo'ladi?
09:07
Can we do this differently?
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Biz boshqa yo'l topa olamizmi?
09:09
Maybe go back to some more ancient understanding
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Balkim biz qadimiy tushunchaga qaytishimiz kerakdir?
09:12
about the relationship between humans and the creative mystery.
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yani inson va uning sirli ijodkorligi orasidagi munosabatga.
09:17
Maybe not.
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Balkim bunga hojat yo'qdir.
09:18
Maybe we can't just erase 500 years of rational humanistic thought
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Balki , biz inson tarixidagi 500 yilni o'chirib tashlashimiz kerakdir
09:22
in one 18 minute speech.
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mana shu 18 daqiqia ma'ruza ichida.
09:24
And there's probably people in this audience
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Va hozir tomoshabinlar orasida
09:27
who would raise really legitimate scientific suspicions
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ilm-fan bilan har hil
09:31
about the notion of, basically fairies
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parilar va ertaklarning yo'qligini
09:33
who follow people around rubbing fairy juice on their projects and stuff.
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isbotlashga urinadiganlar ham bordir.
09:38
I'm not, probably, going to bring you all along with me on this.
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Men sizlarni bunga ishontirish niyatim yo'q.
09:43
But the question that I kind of want to pose is --
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Lekin mening savolim shuki-
09:45
you know, why not?
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nima uchun ular bo'lmasligi kerak?
09:48
Why not think about it this way?
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agar shunday o'ylasak nima bo'ladi?
09:49
Because it makes as much sense as anything else I have ever heard
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Shunki bu men eshitgan barcha narsalarnign ichida eng mazmunlisi
09:54
in terms of explaining the utter maddening capriciousness
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ayniqsa, ijodkorlikning ta'siridagi
09:58
of the creative process.
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ruhiyatning injiqliklarining tabiatini tushunishga yordam beradi.
09:59
A process which, as anybody who has ever tried to make something --
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Bu jaroyon, yani bir narsa qilishga harkata qilib ko'rganlar-
10:02
which is to say basically everyone here ---
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yani bu yerdagi hammangiz-
10:04
knows does not always behave rationally.
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shuni biladiki- har doim ham hamma aytgandek ish tutish kerak emas.
10:07
And, in fact, can sometimes feel downright paranormal.
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Va aslida, ba'zida odatdagidan boshqacha his qilasiz.
10:12
I had this encounter recently where I met the extraordinary American poet Ruth Stone,
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Yaqinda men Amerikalik ajoyib shoira Ruth Stoneni uchratidim,
10:18
who's now in her 90s, but she's been a poet her entire life
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hozir u 90 yoshlarda, lekin u butun umr davomida shoira bo'lib kelgan
10:20
and she told me that when she was growing up in rural Virginia,
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va u menga Virginia chekkasida o'sganligi haqida gapirib berdi,
10:24
she would be out working in the fields,
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dalada ishlayotgan paytida
10:25
and she said she would feel and hear a poem
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u biror sherni his qilar yoki eshitganday bo'larkan
10:28
coming at her from over the landscape.
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yani ovoz go'yo dalalardan kelayotgandek
10:30
And she said it was like a thunderous train of air.
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Va u huddi havo momaqaldirog'iday
10:34
And it would come barreling down at her over the landscape.
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zamin uzra unga kelarkan
10:36
And she felt it coming, because it would shake the earth under her feet.
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va u buni his qilar, chunki go'yo yer oyog;i ostida titragandek bo'larkan
10:39
She knew that she had only one thing to do at that point,
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Bu paytda u faqat bir narsa qilishi kerak edi,
10:43
and that was to, in her words, "run like hell."
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uning o'z gapiga ko'ra " uchib borib"
10:45
And she would run like hell to the house
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uyga kirib she'rni
10:46
and she would be getting chased by this poem,
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qog'ozga yoza boshlarkan
10:48
and the whole deal was that she had to get to a piece of paper and a pencil
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bi parcha qog'oz va qalamni tezda topish juda muhim bo'lgan
10:51
fast enough so that when it thundered through her, she could collect it
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chunki agar tez yozib olmasa, she'r huddi
10:54
and grab it on the page.
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momaqaldiroqdek bir pasda o'tib ketib qolishi mumkin
10:56
And other times she wouldn't be fast enough,
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Ba'zida u yozishga ulgurolmay qolganda
10:58
so she'd be running and running and running, and she wouldn't get to the house
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yugurib uyga kelib, she'rni yozolmay
11:01
and the poem would barrel through her and she would miss it
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yo'qotgan paytlarda
11:04
and she said it would continue on across the landscape,
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she'r uni tashlab zamin uzra o'z yo''lida davom etar
11:06
looking, as she put it "for another poet."
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va u o'zi aytganidey" she'r boshqa shoirni izlab" ketarkan
11:09
And then there were these times --
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Va ba'zi paytlarda
11:12
this is the piece I never forgot --
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buni hech unutmayman men-
11:14
she said that there were moments where she would almost miss it, right?
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unga ko'ra, ba'zida she'rni deyarli tutolmay qolganda
11:17
So, she's running to the house and she's looking for the paper
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uyga yugurib, qog'oz topib
11:20
and the poem passes through her,
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unga kelib, ketib borayotgan she'rni
11:22
and she grabs a pencil just as it's going through her,
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qalam olib, u she'rni
11:25
and then she said, it was like she would reach out with her other hand
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ikkinchi qo'li bilan ushlab qolarkan
11:27
and she would catch it.
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huddi she'rni dumidan ushlab olgandek
11:29
She would catch the poem by its tail,
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va dumidan orqaga qarab tortarkan
11:31
and she would pull it backwards into her body
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yani ketib borayotgan she'rni o'ziga qayatrib olarkan
11:34
as she was transcribing on the page.
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va qog'ozga tushurar ekan
11:36
And in these instances, the poem would come up on the page perfect and intact
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va she'r to'liq yozilar ekan, lekin
11:41
but backwards, from the last word to the first.
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oxirgi so'zdan boshlanib birnich so'z bilan tugarkan.
11:44
(Laughter)
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( Kulgi)
11:46
So when I heard that I was like -- that's uncanny,
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Men buni eshitganimdan hayratlandim
11:50
that's exactly what my creative process is like.
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shunki ilhom jaroyoni menda ham huddi shundya kechadi.
11:53
(Laughter)
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( Kulgi)
11:57
That's not at all what my creative process is -- I'm not the pipeline!
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mening ijod jaroyonim shunaqa- oson emas
12:00
I'm a mule, and the way that I have to work
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men eshakdek ishlashim kerak
12:01
is that I have to get up at the same time every day,
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har kuni bir paytda uyg'onib
12:03
and sweat and labor and barrel through it really awkwardly.
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terlab pishib, bir ammalab ishlayman
12:06
But even I, in my mulishness,
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Va xatto men, tirishqoqligim bilan,
12:09
even I have brushed up against that thing, at times.
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ko'p marta ana huddi shundya narsaga ucharaganman.
12:13
And I would imagine that a lot of you have too.
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Buni ko'pchilgingiz ham boshdan kechirgansiz deb o'ylayman.
12:15
You know, even I have had work or ideas come through me from a source
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Men qilgan ishim va o'ylarim biror bir men
12:18
that I honestly cannot identify.
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bilmagan manbadan keladi.
12:21
And what is that thing?
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u nima?
12:22
And how are we to relate to it in a way that will not make us lose our minds,
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va biz aqldan ozmay turib bunga qanday qaray olamiz?
12:26
but, in fact, might actually keep us sane?
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Aslida, balki bu sizni aqlimizni saqlab turgan narsadir.
12:29
And for me, the best contemporary example that I have of how to do that
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Men uchun eng zo'r misol bu
12:33
is the musician Tom Waits,
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musiqachi Tom Waits
12:35
who I got to interview several years ago on a magazine assignment.
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men uni bir necha yil avval jurnal uchun suhbat o'tkazgandim
12:40
And we were talking about this,
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bu haqida gaplashdik,
12:41
and you know, Tom, for most of his life he was pretty much the embodiment
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, bilasizmi Tom ilhomini tanasidan ajratishga harakat qilgan
12:45
of the tormented contemporary modern artist,
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zamonaviy san'atkorladan biri ,
12:47
trying to control and manage and dominate
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u hamma narsasi o'zi boshqarishga harakat qilar
12:50
these sort of uncontrollable creative impulses
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yani ich ichimizga singib ketgan
12:52
that were totally internalized.
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ilhom to'lqinlarini ham boshqarishga harakat qilardi.
12:54
But then he got older, he got calmer,
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Lekin katta bo'lgan sari u osoyishtalik topa boshladi
12:56
and one day he was driving down the freeway in Los Angeles he told me,
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bir kuni Los Anjeles shariga mashina haydab ketayotganda
12:59
and this is when it all changed for him.
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u butunlay o'zgardi
13:01
And he's speeding along, and all of a sudden
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haydab ketayotganda u
13:03
he hears this little fragment of melody,
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birdaniga bir parcha musiqa ohangini eshitadi go'yo
13:06
that comes into his head as inspiration often comes, elusive and tantalizing,
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va har doimgiday ilhom uning hayoliga a'zob berib keladi.
13:10
and he wants it, you know, it's gorgeous,
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va u buni yozib olishni xohlayd
13:13
and he longs for it, but he has no way to get it.
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juda go'zal ohang, lekin u uni bu ahvolda yozolmaydi
13:15
He doesn't have a piece of paper, he doesn't have a pencil,
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na qog'oz na qalami bor
13:17
he doesn't have a tape recorder.
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yoki ovoz yozadgina narsasi yo'q
13:18
So he starts to feel all of that old anxiety start to rise in him
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va unda ilgarigiday a'zoblanishni boshlaydi
13:21
like, "I'm going to lose this thing,
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" Buni men endi yo'qotaman" degan vahima bilan
13:23
and then I'm going to be haunted by this song forever.
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1920
va bu qo'shiq uni butun umri ketidan quvib yuradigandek
13:25
I'm not good enough, and I can't do it."
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Bu menign qo'limdan kelmaydi."
13:27
And instead of panicking, he just stopped.
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Va vahima qilishdan birdaniga to'xtaydi
13:29
He just stopped that whole mental process
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butun ruhiy kechinmani to'xtibdi
13:31
and he did something completely novel.
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va butunlay bir yangi yechimga kelibdi
13:33
He just looked up at the sky, and he said,
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osmonga qarab shundya debdi,
13:36
"Excuse me, can you not see that I'm driving?"
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"Kechirasiz, ko'rmayapsizmi men mashina haydayapman?"
13:39
(Laughter)
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( Kulgi)
13:42
"Do I look like I can write down a song right now?
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"Men hozir yoza oladi deb o'ylayapsizmi?"
13:45
If you really want to exist, come back at a more opportune moment
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"Agar chindan ham ohang bo'lishni xohlasan, qulayroq patda kel
13:49
when I can take care of you.
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shunda yoz olaman.
13:51
Otherwise, go bother somebody else today.
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Aks holda, bor bugun boshqa odamni bezovta qil
13:54
Go bother Leonard Cohen."
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Bor Leonard Cohenga bor"
13:57
And his whole work process changed after that.
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Va shu paytdan keyin uning ishlash jarayoni butunlay o'zgardi
14:00
Not the work, the work was still oftentimes as dark as ever.
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yani aynan ishi emas, u har doimimgiday qo'rong'i
14:04
But the process, and the heavy anxiety around it
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lekin jaraon o'zgargan, vahima qilish to'xtagan
14:07
was released when he took the genie, the genius out of him
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o'zini iste'dod sohibi emas, iste'dod odamdan bo'lak degan
14:10
where it was causing nothing but trouble, and released it kind of back where it came from,
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uni vahimaga solgan ilhom parini, qayerdan kelgan bo'lsa shu tomonga jo'natishni o'rgangan
14:13
and realized that this didn't have to be this internalized, tormented thing.
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va shuni anglaganki, ilhomni ishda saqlab a'zoblanish shart emas
14:17
It could be this peculiar, wondrous, bizarre collaboration
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Buni bir o'zgacha hamkorlik deb qarasa bo'ladi
14:20
kind of conversation between Tom and the strange, external thing
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Tom va g'aroyib bir boshqa narsa bilan
14:25
that was not quite Tom.
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va u narsa faqat Tom emas.
14:27
So when I heard that story it started to shift a little bit
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Men bu hikoyani eshitgach biroz o'zgardim
14:30
the way that I worked too, and it already saved me once.
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men ham ishinga shundya yondosha boshladim, va bu meni bir marta qutqardi.
14:32
This idea, it saved me when I was in the middle of writing "Eat, Pray, Love,"
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Bu fikr meni " Ovqatlaning, ibodat qiling, va Seving" degan kitobimdi yozayotganda qutqardi
14:36
and I fell into one of those, sort of pits of despair
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men vahimaga tusha boshlagandim
14:38
that we all fall into when we're working on something and it's not coming
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butun yozishim natijasi behuda bo'lsachi deb,
14:42
and you start to think this is going to be a disaster,
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va bu eng yomon asar bo'ladi
14:44
this is going to be the worst book ever written.
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1761
hech narsaga arzmaydi degan o'y kelgan.
14:46
Not just bad, but the worst book ever written.
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Nafaqat yomon, balki eng yomon yozilgan kitob deb.
14:48
And I started to think I should just dump this project.
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Va men bu ishni to'xtatishim kerak dbe o'yladim
14:52
But then I remembered Tom talking to the open air
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Lekin, Tomning gaplari esimga tushdi
14:55
and I tried it.
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2048
va men ham ochiq havoga gapirib ko'rdim.
14:57
So I just lifted my face up from the manuscript
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Qo'lyozmamdan boshim ko'tarib
14:59
and I directed my comments to an empty corner of the room.
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xonamning bo'sh burchagiga qarab baland ovozda
15:02
And I said aloud, "Listen you, thing,
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shundya dedim" Sen o'sha narsa, meni tingla,
15:06
you and I both know that if this book isn't brilliant
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ikkalamiz shuni bilamizki bu kitob zo'r emas
15:09
that is not entirely my fault, right?
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va buning hammasi menign aybim emas, to'g'rimi?
15:11
Because you can see that I am putting everything I have into this,
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chunki ko'rib turganingdek men borimni berayapman bu kitobga
15:14
I don't have any more than this.
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menda undan ortig'i yo'q.
15:15
So if you want it to be better, then you've got to show up and do your part of the deal.
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Agar kitob yaxshiroq bo'lsin desang, sen o'z vazifangi bajar.
15:19
O.K. But if you don't do that, you know what, the hell with it.
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Mayli, agar bajarmasang ham. Nima bo'lsa bo'lar.
15:22
I'm going to keep writing anyway because that's my job.
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Men baribir yozaverman chunki bu mening ishim.
15:25
And I would please like the record to reflect today
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Va shuni blib qo'yginki
15:26
that I showed up for my part of the job."
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men bugun ishimni bajargani keldim"
15:29
(Laughter)
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( Kulgi)
15:32
Because --
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Chunki-
15:35
(Applause)
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( Qarsaklar)
15:37
in the end it's like this, O.K. --
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oxirida, shunday bo'ladi. Mayli-
15:39
centuries ago in the deserts of North Africa,
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2401
asrlar avval, shimoliy Amerikaning cho'llarida
15:41
people used to gather for these moonlight dances of sacred dance and music
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oydinda odamlar muborak raqs tushgani musiqa bilan yig'ilishgan
15:46
that would go on for hours and hours, until dawn.
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2704
va bu sahargacha soatlab davom etgan.
15:49
And they were always magnificent, because the dancers were professionals
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3027
Va bu har doim juda zo'r bo'lgan chuki kasbi raqs bo'lganlar raqs tushgan
15:52
and they were terrific, right?
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va ular qoyil qilib raqs tushgan.
15:53
But every once in a while, very rarely, something would happen,
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lekin onda sonda nimadir bo'lib
15:57
and one of these performers would actually become transcendent.
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ba'zi raqqoslar o'zgacha bir ajoyib tarzda raqs tusha boshlagan
16:00
And I know you know what I'm talking about,
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siz buni bilasiz
16:02
because I know you've all seen, at some point in your life, a performance like this.
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chunki, hayot paytingizda bir marta bo'lsa ham bunday harakatni ko'rgansiz.
16:06
It was like time would stop,
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Go'yo vaqt to'xtab qolgandek,
16:08
and the dancer would sort of step through some kind of portal
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va raqqosa huddi o'zga dunyoga kirib qolgandek
16:11
and he wasn't doing anything different than he had ever done, 1,000 nights before,
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lekin, u 1000 kecha avval qilgan narsasidan o'zgacha bo'lmasa ham
16:15
but everything would align.
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hamma narsa huddi bir tekis terilgandek bo'ladi.
16:17
And all of a sudden, he would no longer appear to be merely human.
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va bidaniga uning inson ekanligini unutish mumkin
16:20
He would be lit from within, and lit from below
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u go'yo pastdan, ichidan
16:23
and all lit up on fire with divinity.
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tepadan ilohiy o't bilan ko'tarilgandek tuyuladi.
16:26
And when this happened, back then,
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va o'sha zamonlarda bunda bo'lganda
16:29
people knew it for what it was, you know, they called it by its name.
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odamlar buni o'z nomlari bilan atashgan.
16:33
They would put their hands together and they would start to chant,
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Ular qo'llarini ko'kka ko'tarib zikr qila boshlashgan,
16:35
"Allah, Allah, Allah, God, God, God."
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" Allah, Allah, Allah, Xudo, Xudo Xudo>" deb
16:40
That's God, you know.
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Bu Xudo, bilasizmi.
16:43
Curious historical footnote --
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qizin bir tarixiy qo'shimcha-
16:45
when the Moors invaded southern Spain, they took this custom with them
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Murlar Ispaniyaga bostirib kirganda, ular o'zlari bilan shundya urf odatni olgan
16:50
and the pronunciation changed over the centuries
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va talaffuz yillar davomida
16:52
from "Allah, Allah, Allah," to "Olé, olé, olé,"
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" Allah, Allah, Allah" dan " Ole. Ole, Ole" ga o'zgargan.
16:55
which you still hear in bullfights and in flamenco dances.
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Siz buni hozir ham buqa urishtirshlarda yoki Flamenko raqslarida eshitasiz.
16:58
In Spain, when a performer has done something impossible and magic,
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Ispaniyada, san'atkor bajarib bo'lmas bir sehrli ish qilsa
17:02
"Allah, olé, olé, Allah, magnificent, bravo,"
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" Allah, ole, ole, Allah. Ajoyib. Barakalla" deyishgan
17:05
incomprehensible, there it is -- a glimpse of God.
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yani ong bilan qamrab bo'lmas, Xudoning aksi.
17:09
Which is great, because we need that.
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Bu zo'r. Chunki bizga shu kerak.
17:11
But, the tricky bit comes the next morning,
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Lekin ertasiga ertalab vaziyat o'zgaradi
17:15
for the dancer himself, when he wakes up
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raqqosa uyg'onganida
17:18
and discovers that it's Tuesday at 11 a.m., and he's no longer a glimpse of God.
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masalan Seshanba kuni soat 11, va unda xudonign aksi endi yo'q
17:22
He's just an aging mortal with really bad knees,
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u ham oddiy noabad inson, og'rigan tizzasi bilan
17:25
and maybe he's never going to ascend to that height again.
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va balkim u endi hech qachon shu darajada raqs tusholmas.
17:29
And maybe nobody will ever chant God's name again as he spins,
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balkim hech kim endi u aylanganda Xudonign ismini aytib zikr tushmas
17:33
and what is he then to do with the rest of his life?
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va shunda u qolgan hayoti bilan nima qilishi kerak?
17:36
This is hard.
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Bu qiyin masala.
17:37
This is one of the most painful reconciliations to make
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Bu eng qiyin yuzma yuz bo'ladigan holat
17:40
in a creative life.
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ayniqsa ijod ahli uchun.
17:42
But maybe it doesn't have to be quite so full of anguish
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balkim bunchalik dard chekish kerakmasdir
17:45
if you never happened to believe, in the first place,
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agar masalan, avvalo ijodkorlik manbai
17:49
that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you.
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va uning g'aroyibotlari sizdan kelmasligini tan olsangiz.
17:53
But maybe if you just believed that they were on loan to you
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Balki bu sizga vaqtincha berilgan narsa , qarz deb tushunsangiz
17:56
from some unimaginable source for some exquisite portion of your life
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siz bilmagan manbadan vaqtincha sizga keladi deb ishonsangiz
17:59
to be passed along when you're finished, with somebody else.
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va siz ijod qilib bo'lgach u boshqalarga boradigandir.
18:03
And, you know, if we think about it this way it starts to change everything.
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Bundan o'ylash hamam narsani o'zgartiradi.
18:08
This is how I've started to think,
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Men shundya o'ylay boshladim
18:10
and this is certainly how I've been thinking in the last few months
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bir necha oy davomida,
18:13
as I've been working on the book that will soon be published,
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va yaqinda nashr qilinadigan kitob ustida ishlayapman,
18:16
as the dangerously, frighteningly over-anticipated follow up
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va yaqinda muvaffaqiyatli ishimdan oshib tushishini
18:20
to my freakish success.
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kutish juda xavfli.
18:22
And what I have to, sort of keep telling myself
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O'zimga o'zim
18:25
when I get really psyched out about that,
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vahimaga tushgan paytlarda
18:27
is, don't be afraid.
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qo'rma deyman.
18:29
Don't be daunted.
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Vahima qilma.
18:31
Just do your job.
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Shunchaki ishingi qil.
18:33
Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be.
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O'z qo'lingdan kelgancha davom etaver.
18:36
If your job is to dance, do your dance.
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Agar ishing raqs tushish bo'lsa, raqs tush.
18:39
If the divine, cockeyed genius assigned to your case
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Agar ilohiy qudrat senga shu vazifani bergan bo'lsa
18:43
decides to let some sort of wonderment be glimpsed, for just one moment
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va bir daqiqaga bo'lsa ham o'z ajoyibotni aks sening ishingda
18:48
through your efforts, then "Olé!"
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aks ettirishga qaror qilsa, unda " Ole!"
18:50
And if not, do your dance anyhow.
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agar bo'lmasa, mayli o'zingcha raqs tushaver.
18:53
And "Olé!" to you, nonetheless.
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Va nima bo'lsa ham sizga "Ole!"
18:55
I believe this and I feel that we must teach it.
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Va menimcha biz bu fikrni o'rgatishimiz kerak
18:57
"Olé!" to you, nonetheless,
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"Ole!", nima bo'lsa ham.
18:59
just for having the sheer human love and stubbornness
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inson muhabbati va injiqligi uchun
19:02
to keep showing up.
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va harakat uchun
19:04
Thank you.
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Rahmat.
19:06
(Applause)
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(Qarsaklar)
19:08
Thank you.
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Rahmat.
19:09
(Applause)
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(Qarsaklar)
19:12
June Cohen: Olé!
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June Cohen: Ole!
19:14
(Applause)
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(Qarsaklar)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Elizabeth Gilbert - WriterThe author of 'Eat, Pray, Love,' Elizabeth Gilbert has thought long and hard about some big topics. Her fascinations: genius, creativity and how we get in our own way when it comes to both.
Why you should listen
Elizabeth Gilbert faced down a premidlife crisis by doing what we all secretly dream of -- running off for a year. Her travels through Italy, India and Indonesia resulted in the megabestselling and deeply beloved memoir Eat, Pray, Love, about her process of finding herself by leaving home.
She's a longtime magazine writer -- covering music and politics for Spin and GQ -- as well as a novelist and short-story writer. Her books include the story collection Pilgrims, the novel Stern Men (about lobster fishermen in Maine) and a biography of the woodsman Eustace Conway, called The Last American Man. Her work has been the basis for two movies so far (Coyote Ugly, based on her own tale of working at the famously raunchy bar in New York City), and Eat, Pray, Love, with the part of Gilbert played by Julia Roberts. Not bad for a year off.
In 2010, Elizabeth published Committed, a memoir exploring her ambivalent feelings about the institution of marriage. And her 2013 novel, The Signature of All Things, is "a sprawling tale of 19th century botanical exploration."
Gilbert also owns and runs the import shop Two Buttons in Frenchtown, New Jersey.
Elizabeth Gilbert | Speaker | TED.com