TEDSummit 2019
Hajer Sharief: How to use family dinner to teach politics
哈耶·谢里夫: 如何利用家庭晚餐教政治？
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每个人都应该参与到决策制定和政治中来——从在家里就开始，活动家哈耶·谢里夫（Hajer Sharief）这样说。她介绍了一个简单但具有变革性的想法：父母可以通过给孩子对家里事务的话语权来教育他们政治体系，以自由的家庭会议的形式，每个人都可以表达自己的观点，可以谈判或妥协。“我们需要告诉大家政治，国家和全球事务与个人和家庭事务一样对大家息息相关，”她说。“你们真的可以承担起对政治不感兴趣或者不愿参与其中的后果吗？”
Hajer Sharief - Activist
As an activist promoting human rights in Libya and beyond, Hajer Sharief works against society's flow -- and across generations -- to find solutions. Full bio
As an activist promoting human rights in Libya and beyond, Hajer Sharief works against society's flow -- and across generations -- to find solutions. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Twenty years ago,
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二十年前，
00:15
my family introduced a system
called "Friday Democracy Meetings."
called "Friday Democracy Meetings."
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我的家庭制定了一个制度，
叫做“周五民主会议”。
叫做“周五民主会议”。
00:21
Every Friday at 7pm, my family
came together for an official meeting
came together for an official meeting
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每周五晚上七点，我们一家人
聚在一起进行一个正式会议，
聚在一起进行一个正式会议，
00:27
to discuss the current family affairs.
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讨论目前的家庭事务。
00:31
These meetings were facilitated
by one of my parents,
by one of my parents,
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这些会议由我父母中的一位组织，
00:35
and we even had a notetaker.
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我们甚至还有一位记录员。
00:37
These meetings had two rules.
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这些会议有两条规则。
00:39
First, you are allowed
to speak open and freely.
to speak open and freely.
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第一，大家可以畅所欲言。
00:42
Us kids were allowed
to criticize our parents
to criticize our parents
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我们小孩子可以批评父母，
00:45
without that being considered
disrespectful or rude.
disrespectful or rude.
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不会被当作不尊重或者无礼。
00:48
Second rule was the Chatham House rule,
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第二条规则是“查塔姆议院规则”，
00:51
meaning whatever is said in the meeting
stays in the meeting.
stays in the meeting.
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意思是无论会议中说了什么，
都只保留在会议中。
都只保留在会议中。
00:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:56
The topics which were discussed
in these meetings
in these meetings
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我们在会议中讨论的话题
00:59
varied from one week to another.
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每周都不同。
01:01
One week, we'd talk about
what food we wanted to eat,
what food we wanted to eat,
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某一周，我们讨论
我们想吃的食物，
我们想吃的食物，
01:05
what time us kids should go to bed
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我们小孩子应该几点睡觉，
01:07
and how to improve things as a family,
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如何全家人一起改善一些事情，
01:10
while another meeting discussed
pretty much events that happened at school
pretty much events that happened at school
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另一周我们讨论
发生在学校里的事情，
发生在学校里的事情，
01:15
and how to solve
disputes between siblings,
disputes between siblings,
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如何解决兄弟姐妹之间的纠纷，
01:18
by which I mean real fights.
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我的意思是真正的打架。
01:21
At the end of each meeting,
we'd reach decisions and agreements
we'd reach decisions and agreements
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每次会议结束时，
我们会达成决定和协议，
我们会达成决定和协议，
01:25
that would last at least
until the next meeting.
until the next meeting.
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至少会维持到下一次会议。
01:28
So you could say
I was raised as a politician.
I was raised as a politician.
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所以你们可以说
我被按照政治家培养。
我被按照政治家培养。
01:35
By the age of six or seven,
I mastered politics.
I mastered politics.
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在我六或七岁之前，就精通政治。
01:38
I was negotiating, compromising,
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我谈判，和解，
01:41
building alliances
with other political actors.
with other political actors.
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与其他政治角色建立联盟。
01:44
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:46
And I even once tried to jeopardize
the political process.
the political process.
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而且我甚至曾经试图
危害政治进程。
危害政治进程。
01:51
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
01:53
These meetings sound very peaceful,
civil and democratic, right?
civil and democratic, right?
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这些会议听起来很和平，
民事和民主，对吧？
民事和民主，对吧？
01:58
But that was not always the case.
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但是并不总是这样。
02:00
Because of this open, free space
to talk, discuss and criticize,
to talk, discuss and criticize,
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因为有这个开放，自由的空间
可以用来谈话，讨论和批评，
可以用来谈话，讨论和批评，
02:05
things sometimes got really heated.
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事情有的时候变得非常过火。
02:08
One meeting went really bad for me.
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有一个会议对我来说很糟糕。
02:11
I was about 10 years old at that time,
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那个时候我大概十岁，
02:13
and I'd done something
really horrible at school,
really horrible at school,
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我在学校做了一些可怕的事情，
02:15
which I'm not going to share today --
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我不打算今天跟你们分享这个事情，
02:17
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:18
but my brother decided
to bring it up in the meeting.
to bring it up in the meeting.
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但是我哥哥决定
在会议中讲这件事情。
在会议中讲这件事情。
02:22
I could not defend myself,
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我没法为自己辩护，
02:24
so I decided to withdraw from the meeting
and boycott the whole system.
and boycott the whole system.
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所以我决定退出会议，
并抵制这整个制度。
并抵制这整个制度。
02:29
I literally wrote an official letter
and handed it to my dad,
and handed it to my dad,
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我亲笔写了一封正式信件，
交给了我爸爸，
交给了我爸爸，
02:32
announcing that I am boycotting.
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宣布我拒绝参加。
02:34
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:36
I thought that if I stopped
attending these meetings anymore,
attending these meetings anymore,
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我当时认为如果我不再参加会议，
02:40
the system would collapse,
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这个制度就会瓦解，
02:42
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:43
but my family continued with the meetings,
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但是我的家人们继续了会议，
02:46
and they often
made decisions that I disliked.
made decisions that I disliked.
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而且他们经常做
一些我不喜欢的决定。
一些我不喜欢的决定。
02:50
But I could not challenge these decisions,
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但是我不能质疑这些决定，
02:52
because I was not attending the meetings,
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因为我没有参加会议，
02:54
and thus had no right to go against it.
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所以没有权力反对。
02:57
Ironically, when I turned
about 13 years old,
about 13 years old,
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讽刺的是，当我长到 13 岁，
03:01
I ended up attending
one of these meetings again,
one of these meetings again,
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在我抵制会议这么长时间后，
03:04
after I boycotted them for a long time.
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我最终又一次参加了会议。
03:07
Because there was an issue
that was affecting me only,
that was affecting me only,
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因为有一个问题只影响我一个人，
03:12
and no other family member
was bringing it up.
was bringing it up.
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而我的家人没在会议中提出。
03:16
The problem was that after each dinner,
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这个问题是，
在每次晚饭之后，
在每次晚饭之后，
03:20
I was always the only one
who was asked to wash the dishes,
who was asked to wash the dishes,
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我总是唯一一个被叫去洗碗的人，
03:24
while my brothers didn't have to do
anything about it.
anything about it.
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而我的哥哥弟弟都不需要做。
03:28
I felt this was unjust,
unfair and discriminatory,
unfair and discriminatory,
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我觉得那是不公平公正，
又有歧视性的，
又有歧视性的，
03:33
so I wanted to discuss it in the meeting.
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所以我想在会议里讨论它。
03:36
As you know, the idea that it's a woman
or a girl's role to do household work
or a girl's role to do household work
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正如你们所知，对于做家务
是女人或女孩的职责的这种想法
是女人或女孩的职责的这种想法
03:42
is a rule that has been carried out
by many societies for so long,
by many societies for so long,
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是长期以来许多社会
正在执行的规则。
正在执行的规则。
03:46
so in order for a 13-year-old me
to challenge it, I needed a platform.
to challenge it, I needed a platform.
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所以，像我一个 13 岁的女孩
想挑战它，我需要一个平台。
想挑战它，我需要一个平台。
03:51
In the meeting, my brothers argued
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在会议中，我的兄弟们争辩道，
03:53
that none of the other boys we knew
were washing the dishes,
were washing the dishes,
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他们认识的男孩中
没有一个洗碗的，
没有一个洗碗的，
03:57
so why should our family be any different?
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为什么我们的家庭要不一样？
03:59
But my parents agreed with me and decided
that my brothers should assist me.
that my brothers should assist me.
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但是父母同意我的想法，
决定让他们帮助我。
决定让他们帮助我。
04:04
However, they could not force them,
so the problem continued.
so the problem continued.
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但是，他们没法强迫他们，
所以问题还是继续。
所以问题还是继续。
04:08
Seeing no solution to my problem,
I decided to attend another meeting
I decided to attend another meeting
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看着我的问题无法解决，
我决定参加另一个会议，
我决定参加另一个会议，
04:13
and propose a new system
that would be fair to everyone.
that would be fair to everyone.
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提出一个新的制度，
对每个人都会是公平的。
对每个人都会是公平的。
04:17
So I suggested instead of one person
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所以我建议，不再由一个人
04:20
washing all the dishes
used by all the family members,
used by all the family members,
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洗掉所有家人用的碗碟，
04:24
each family member
should wash their own dishes.
should wash their own dishes.
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而是每个人自己洗自己的。
04:28
And as a gesture of good faith,
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为了表示真诚的姿态，
04:30
I said I'd wash the pots as well.
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我说我也会洗掉锅子。
04:33
This way, my brothers
could no longer argue
could no longer argue
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这样，我的兄弟们无法再辩解说
04:36
that it wasn't within their responsibility
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作为男孩或者男人，
04:38
as boys or men to wash the dishes
and clean after the family,
and clean after the family,
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洗碗和打扫家里不是他们的职责。
04:42
because the system I proposed
was about every member of the family
was about every member of the family
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因为我提出的制度是
关于家里每个成员
关于家里每个成员
04:47
cleaning after themselves
and taking care of themselves.
and taking care of themselves.
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为自己打扫和照顾自己的。
04:51
Everyone agreed to my proposal,
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大家都同意了我的方案，
04:53
and for years, that was
our washing-the-dishes system.
our washing-the-dishes system.
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而且很多年来，我们
都用这个洗碗制度。
都用这个洗碗制度。
05:00
What I just shared with you
is a family story,
is a family story,
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我刚刚跟你们分享的
是一个家庭故事，
是一个家庭故事，
05:03
but it's pure politics.
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但它是纯粹的政治，
05:06
Every part of politics
includes decision-making,
includes decision-making,
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政治的各部分包括决策制定，
05:10
and ideally, the process
of decision-making
of decision-making
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而且理想的情况下，
决策制定的过程中，
决策制定的过程中，
05:13
should include people
from different backgrounds,
from different backgrounds,
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应该包括来自不同背景下，
05:16
interests, opinions, gender,
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不同利益，意见，性别，
05:19
beliefs, race, ethnicity, age, and so on.
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信仰，种族，年龄等等的人。
05:22
And they should all have
an equal opportunity to contribute
an equal opportunity to contribute
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而且他们都应该有平等的机会
05:26
to the decision-making process
and influence the decisions
and influence the decisions
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为决策制定做贡献，
来影响会直接
来影响会直接
05:30
that will affect their lives
directly or indirectly.
directly or indirectly.
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或间接影响他们生活的决定。
05:34
As such, I find it difficult to understand
when I hear young people saying,
when I hear young people saying,
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因此，我发现很难去理解，
当我听见年轻人说，
当我听见年轻人说，
05:40
"I'm too young to engage in politics
or to even hold a political opinion."
or to even hold a political opinion."
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“我们太小了还不能参加到政治中，
或者无法持有政治意见。”
或者无法持有政治意见。”
05:45
Similarly, when I hear some women saying,
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类似地，当我听见一些女性说，
05:47
"Politics is a dirty world
I don't want to engage with,"
I don't want to engage with,"
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“政治是一个肮脏的世界，
我不想参与进去”。
我不想参与进去”。
05:52
I'm worried that the idea of politics
and political engagement
and political engagement
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我非常担心政治思想和政治参与
05:56
has become so polarized
in many parts of the world
in many parts of the world
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在世界上很多地方
已经变得两极分化，
已经变得两极分化，
06:00
that ordinary people feel, in order
for them to participate in politics,
for them to participate in politics,
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普通人觉得为了参与到政治中，
06:04
they need to be outspoken activists,
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他们需要做直言不讳的活动家，
06:07
and that is not true.
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而那不是真的。
06:09
I want to ask these young people,
women and ordinary people in general:
women and ordinary people in general:
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我想问那些年轻人，
女性和普通老百姓：
女性和普通老百姓：
06:15
Can you really afford not to be interested
or not to participate in politics?
or not to participate in politics?
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你们真的能够承担不感兴趣
或者不参与政治的后果吗？
或者不参与政治的后果吗？
06:22
Politics is not only activism.
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政治不只是行动主义。
06:24
It's awareness,
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它是一种意识，
06:25
it's keeping ourselves informed,
it's caring for the facts.
it's caring for the facts.
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它让我们保持知情，
它关心事实。
它关心事实。
06:28
When it's possible, it's casting a vote.
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可能的时候，它主导投票。
06:30
Politics is the tool
through which we structure ourselves
through which we structure ourselves
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政治是我们将自己构造成为群体
06:33
as groups and societies.
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和社会的工具。
06:36
Politics governs every aspect of life,
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政治控制生活中的每个方面，
06:38
and by not participating in it,
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而不去参与其中，
06:41
you're literally allowing other people
to decide on what you can eat, where,
to decide on what you can eat, where,
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你们是在允许其他人决定
你可以吃什么，穿什么，
你可以吃什么，穿什么，
06:46
if you can have access to health care,
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你是否可以拥有健康医疗，
06:48
free education,
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免费的教育，
06:50
how much tax you pay,
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你需要付多少税，
06:51
when you can retire,
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当你退休时候，
06:53
what is your pension.
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你的退休金是多少。
06:55
Other people are also deciding
on whether your race and ethnicity
on whether your race and ethnicity
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其他人也可以来决定，
是否你的种族
是否你的种族
06:59
is enough to consider you a criminal,
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足以决定你是不是罪犯，
07:01
or if your religion and nationality
is enough to put you on a terrorist list.
is enough to put you on a terrorist list.
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或者凭着你的宗教信仰和国籍就
可以把你放在恐怖分子名单上。
可以把你放在恐怖分子名单上。
07:06
And if you still think you are a strong,
independent human being
independent human being
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如果你仍认为
你是一个强大，独立，
你是一个强大，独立，
07:10
unaffected by politics,
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不受政治影响的人，
07:12
then think twice.
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那么请三思。
07:15
I am speaking to you
as a young woman from Libya,
as a young woman from Libya,
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我作为一个来自利比亚的
年轻女性与你们交流，
年轻女性与你们交流，
07:19
a country that is
in the middle of a civil war.
in the middle of a civil war.
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我们的国家正在经历内战。
07:22
After more than 40 years
of authoritarian rule,
of authoritarian rule,
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在超过 40 年的专制统治后，
07:25
it's not a place
where political engagement
where political engagement
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这不是一个女性或年轻人
07:27
by women and young people
is possible, nor encouraged.
is possible, nor encouraged.
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可以或被鼓励参与政治的地方。
07:31
Almost all political dialogues
that took place in the past few years,
that took place in the past few years,
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基本上过去几年发生的
所有政治对话，
所有政治对话，
07:35
even those gathered by foreign powers,
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甚至是那些由国外势力召集的，
07:37
has been with only
middle-aged men in the room.
middle-aged men in the room.
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房间里都只有中年男性的参与。
07:41
But in places with a broken
political system like Libya,
political system like Libya,
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但是在像利比亚这样
政治体系破裂的地方，
政治体系破裂的地方，
07:45
or in seemingly functioning places,
including international organizations,
including international organizations,
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或者在看似运作良好的地方，
包括国际组织，
包括国际组织，
07:50
the systems we have nowadays
for political decision-making
for political decision-making
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当今我们用于政治决策的系统体系
07:54
are not from the people for the people,
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并不是来自为人民谋利的人们，
07:57
but they have been established
by the few for the few.
by the few for the few.
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而是由为少数人谋利
的少数人建立的。
的少数人建立的。
08:01
And these few have been historically
almost exclusively men,
almost exclusively men,
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而这些少数人，从历史上看，
基本都是男性，
基本都是男性，
08:07
and they've produced laws, policies,
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他们建立了法律，政策，
08:10
mechanisms for political participation
that are based on the opinions,
that are based on the opinions,
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政治参与机制，基于
08:15
beliefs, worldviews, dreams,
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这一群人的意见，信仰，世界观，
08:18
aspirations of this one group of people,
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梦想，抱负，
08:21
while everyone else was kept out.
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而其他人都没有被考虑在内。
08:24
After all, we've all heard
some version of this sentence:
some version of this sentence:
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毕竟，我们都听过类似的一句话：
08:28
"What does a woman,
let alone a young person, who is brown,
let alone a young person, who is brown,
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“一个女性懂什么政治，？
更别说一个棕色皮肤的
更别说一个棕色皮肤的
08:32
understand about politics?"
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年轻人。”
08:35
When you're young --
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当你年轻时——
08:36
and in many parts of the world, a woman --
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在世界上很多地方，一个女人——
08:38
you often hear experienced politicians
say, "But you lack political experience."
say, "But you lack political experience."
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经常会听见有经验的政客说，
“但是你缺少政治经验。”
“但是你缺少政治经验。”
08:44
And when I hear that,
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当我听见这个，
08:45
I wonder what sort of experience
are they referring to?
are they referring to?
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我很纳闷他们说的是哪种经验？
08:49
The experience of corrupted
political systems?
political systems?
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腐败政治制度的经历？
08:53
Or of waging wars?
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或者发动战争？
08:55
Or are they referring to the experience
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或者他们指的经验是
08:57
of putting the interests
of economic profits
of economic profits
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把经济利润的利益
08:59
before those of the environment?
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放在环境的利益之前？
09:01
Because if this is political experience,
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因为如果这是所谓的政治经验，
09:03
then yes --
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那么，是的——
09:04
(Applause)
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（掌声）
09:14
we, as women and young people,
have no political experience at all.
have no political experience at all.
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我们，女人和年轻人，
没有任何政治经验。
没有任何政治经验。
09:21
Now, politicians might not be
the only ones to blame,
the only ones to blame,
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政客可能不是
唯一应该被责怪的，
唯一应该被责怪的，
09:27
because ordinary people,
and many young people as well,
and many young people as well,
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因为普通人，包括很多年轻人，
09:32
don't care about politics.
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都不在乎政治，
09:35
And even those who care
don't know how to participate.
don't know how to participate.
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甚至那些在乎政治的
也不知道如何参与进去。
也不知道如何参与进去。
09:39
This must change, and here is my proposal.
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这必须改变，
而以下是我的提议。
而以下是我的提议。
09:43
We need to teach people at an early age
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我们需要让大家从小就知道
09:46
about decision-making
and how to be part of it.
and how to be part of it.
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决策制定是什么，
以及如何成为其中的一部分。
以及如何成为其中的一部分。
09:49
Every family is its own
mini political system
mini political system
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每个家庭都是一个小型政治体系，
09:53
that is usually not democratic,
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通常不是民主的，
09:55
because parents make decisions
that affect all members of the family,
that affect all members of the family,
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因为父母做的决定
影响着家里所有人，
影响着家里所有人，
10:00
while the kids have very little to say.
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而小孩子没有多少话语权。
10:02
Similarly, politicians make decisions
that affect the whole nation,
that affect the whole nation,
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类似地，政客做的决策
影响着整个国家，
影响着整个国家，
10:06
while the people have
very little say in them.
very little say in them.
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而人们对此也没有多少话语权。
10:10
We need to change this,
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我们需要改变，
10:12
and in order to achieve
this change systematically,
this change systematically,
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为了系统地实现这个变革，
10:15
we need to teach people
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我们需要教育人们
10:17
that political, national
and global affairs
and global affairs
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政治，国家和全球事务
10:21
are as relevant to them
as personal and family affairs.
as personal and family affairs.
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与个人和家庭事务一样
与大家息息相关。
与大家息息相关。
10:26
So if we want to achieve this,
my proposal and advice is,
my proposal and advice is,
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所以为了实现这个目标，
我的提议和建议是，
我的提议和建议是，
10:31
try out the Family Democracy
Meeting system.
Meeting system.
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试一下家庭民主会议制度。
10:35
Because that will enable your kids
to exercise their agency
to exercise their agency
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因为这样使得孩子们
在很小的时候就可以
在很小的时候就可以
10:38
and decision-making from a very early age.
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行使他们的权力和进行决策制定。
10:42
Politics is about having conversations,
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政治有关对话，
10:45
including difficult conversations,
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包括那些带来决策的
10:47
that lead to decisions.
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艰难的对话。
10:49
And in order to have a conversation,
you need to participate,
you need to participate,
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为了进行对话，
你们需要参与进来，
你们需要参与进来，
10:53
not sign off like I did when I was a kid
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不是像我小的时候那样退出，
10:55
and then learn the lesson the hard way
and have to go back again.
and have to go back again.
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然后艰难地学到了教训，
不得不重新参与进去。
不得不重新参与进去。
10:59
If you include your kids
in family conversations,
in family conversations,
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如果你们让孩子们
参与到家庭谈话中，
参与到家庭谈话中，
11:01
they will grow up
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他们会成长，
11:03
and know how to participate
in political conversations.
in political conversations.
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知道如何参与到政治对话中。
11:06
And most importantly, most importantly,
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而且最重要，最重要的是，
11:10
they will help others engage.
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他们也会帮助其他人参与进来。
11:11
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
11:13
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Hajer Sharief - ActivistAs an activist promoting human rights in Libya and beyond, Hajer Sharief works against society's flow -- and across generations -- to find solutions.
Why you should listen
When Hajer Sharief was young, she had no risk assessment skills. If she felt like jumping from a cliff, she did so without thinking of the consequences. As an older and wiser activist, she tends to balance risks -- but she still actively keeps an element of risk-free thinking when it comes to doing the right thing.
As cofounder of the Together We Build It Foundation, an intergenerational organization working to builds peace in Libya, Sharief promotes human rights, gender equality and political participation. Doing the right thing regardless of risk remains her life principle, and activism remains her lifestyle -- one that helps individuals become aware of their responsibility towards humanity and the environment.
Hajer Sharief | Speaker | TED.com