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Inés Hercovich: Why women stay silent after sexual assault

Filmed 2015-09-24

Views 405,456

Why do women who experience sexual assault rarely speak up about it? "Because they fear they won't be believed," says Inés Hercovich. "Because when a woman tells what happened to her, she tells us things we can't imagine, things that disturb us, things we don't expect to hear, things that shock us." In this moving talk, she takes us inside an encounter with sexual assault to give us a clearer idea of what these situations really look like -- and the difficult choices women make to survive. (In Spanish with English subtitles)

Inés Hercovich - Sociologist, social psychologist
Inés Hercovich is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women. Full bio

There are about 5,000 women here today.

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00:12

Among us, 1,250 have been
or will be sexually assaulted

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00:20

at some point in our lives.

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00:26

One in four.

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00:31

Only 10 percent will report it.

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00:36

The other 90 percent
take refuge in silence --

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00:40

half of them, because the incident
involves a close family member

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00:47

or someone they know,

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00:52

and that makes it much more difficult
to deal with and talk about.

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00:55

The other half don't talk about it

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01:01

because they fear they won’t be believed.

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01:05

And they're right -- because we don't.

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01:09

Today I want to share with you
why I think we don't believe them.

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01:15

We don't believe them because when
a woman tells what happened to her,

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01:20

she tells us things we can't imagine,

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01:25

things that disturb us,

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01:28

things we don't expect to hear,

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01:30

things that shock us.

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01:32

We expect to hear stories like this one:

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01:35

"Girl raped near
the Mitre Railroad tracks.

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01:41

It happened at midnight
as she was on her way home.

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01:44

She said that someone
attacked her from behind,

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01:48

told her not to scream, said he had a gun
and that she shouldn't move.

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01:52

He raped her and then fled the scene."

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01:56

When we hear or read a story like this,

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02:02

we immediately visualize it:

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02:05

the rapist, a depraved lower-class man.

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02:10

And the victim, a young, attractive woman.

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02:15

The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds,
and it's dark and two-dimensional;

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02:21

there's no movement, no sound;
it's as if there were no people involved.

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02:27

But when a woman tells her story,
it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.

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02:33

The following is the testimony
of a woman I'll call "Ana."

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02:40

She's one of the 85 women I interviewed

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02:46

while conducting research
on sexual assault.

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02:49

Ana told me:

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02:56

"I had gone with the girls in the office
to the same pub we always go to.

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03:01

We met some guys,

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03:06

and I hooked up with this super
cool guy; we talked a lot.

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03:08

Around 4am, I told my friends
it was time to go.

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03:13

They wanted to stay.

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03:16

So, the guy asked me where I lived

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03:18

and said if it was OK with me,
he'd drive me home.

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03:21

I agreed, and we left.

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03:24

At a stoplight, he told me
he liked me and touched my leg.

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03:27

I don't like a guy
to approach me that way,

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03:32

but he had been affectionate all night.

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03:35

I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid.

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03:38

What if I say something but he
didn't mean anything by it,

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03:41

and I offend him?'

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03:44

When he should have made a turn,
he kept going straight.

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03:46

I thought he had made
a mistake, and I said,

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03:49

'You should have turned there.'

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03:51

But something felt off.

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03:54

Thinking back, I wonder,

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03:57

'Why didn't I pay attention
to what I was feeling?'

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03:58

When he pulled over near the highway,

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04:03

that's when I got scared.

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04:06

But he told me to relax, that he liked me,

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04:09

and that nothing would happen
unless I wanted it to.

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04:12

He was nice.

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04:15

I didn't say anything,

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04:17

because I was afraid he would get angry,

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04:18

and that things would get worse.

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04:20

I thought he might have a gun
in the glove compartment.

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04:23

Suddenly, he jumped on me
and tried to kiss me.

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04:26

I said no. I wanted to push him away,
but he was holding my arms down.

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04:30

When I wriggled free, I tried to open
the door, but it was locked.

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04:35

And even if I had gotten out,
where would I have gone?

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04:40

I told him he wasn't the kind of guy
who needed to do that to be with a girl,

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04:46

and that I liked him, too,
but not in that way.

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04:51

I tried to calm him down.

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04:54

I said nice things about him.

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04:56

I talked to him as if
I were his older sister.

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04:59

Suddenly, he covered
my mouth with one hand

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05:03

and with the other hand
he unbuckled his belt.

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05:07

I thought right then he would kill me,
strangle me, you know?

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05:11

I never felt so alone,

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05:17

like I had been kidnapped.

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05:20

I asked him to finish quickly
and then take me home."

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05:22

How did you feel listening to this story?

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05:27

Surely, several questions arose.

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05:31

For example: Why didn't she roll down
the window and call for help?

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05:37

Why didn't she get out of the car
when she felt something bad might happen?

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05:44

How could she ask him to take her home?

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05:49

Now, when we hear this kind
of story not on the news

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05:55

or from someone like me,
presenting it on a stage like this --

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05:59

when we're hearing it from someone we know

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06:06

who chose to entrust us
with the story of what happened to them,

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06:10

we'll have to listen.

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06:17

And we'll hear things
we won't be able to understand --

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06:20

or accept.

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06:26

And then doubts, questions
and suspicion will creep in.

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06:28

And that is going to make us feel
really bad and guilty.

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06:36

So to protect ourselves
from the discomfort, we have an option.

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06:42

We turn up the volume
on all the parts of the story

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06:48

that we expected to hear:

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06:54

a gun in the glove compartment,
the locked doors, the isolated location.

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06:56

And we turn down the volume
on all the parts of the story

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07:03

that we didn't expect to hear

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07:07

and that we don't want to hear;

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07:09

like when she tells him
that she liked him, too,

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07:13

or when she tells us she spoke to him
as if she were his older sister,

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07:18

or that she asked him to take her home.

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07:22

Why do we do this?

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07:26

It's so we can believe her;

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07:30

so we can feel confident
that she really was a victim.

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07:32

I call this "victimization of the victim."

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07:39

"Victimization," because in order
to believe she's innocent,

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07:44

that she's a victim,

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07:48

we need to think of her
as helpless, paralyzed, mute.

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07:50

But there's another way
to avoid the discomfort.

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07:59

And it's exactly the opposite:

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08:04

we turn up the volume on the things
we didn't expect to hear,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-112

08:07

such as "I spoke nicely to him,"
"I asked him to take me home,"

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08:12

"I asked him to finish quickly,"

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-114

08:15

and we turn down the volume
on the things we did expect to hear:

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-115

08:18

the gun in the glove compartment,

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08:23

the isolation.

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08:25

Why do we do this?

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-118

08:30

We do it so we can cling to the doubts

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-119

08:32

and feel more comfortable about them.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-120

08:37

Then, new questions arise, for instance:

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-121

08:40

Who told her go to those clubs?

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-122

08:47

You saw how she and her friends
were dressed, right?

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08:51

Those miniskirts, those necklines?

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-124

08:55

What do you expect?

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-125

08:58

Questions that aren't really questions,
but rather, judgments --

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09:00

judgments that end in a verdict:

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09:06

she asked for it.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-128

09:11

That finding would be verified by the fact

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-129

09:15

that she didn't mention having
struggled to avoid being raped.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-130

09:18

So that means she didn't resist.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-131

09:24

It means she consented.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-132

09:30

If she asked for it and allowed it,

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09:32

how are we calling it rape?

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09:36

I call this "blaming the victim."

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-135

09:40

These arguments that serve us
both to blame and to victimize,

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09:45

we all have them in our heads, at hand --

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09:52

including victims and perpetrators.

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09:57

So much so, that when Ana came to me,

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10:01

she told me she didn't know

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10:06

if her testimony was going
to be of any use,

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10:09

because she wasn't sure
if what happened to her qualified as rape.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-142

10:13

Ana believed, like most of us,

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10:22

that rape is more like armed robbery --

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10:24

a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-145

10:29

and not smooth talking from a nice guy

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10:34

that lasts all night and ends
in a kidnapping.

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10:37

When she felt afraid she might be killed,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-148

10:45

she was afraid to be left with scars,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-149

10:48

and she had to give her body to avoid it.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-150

10:52

That's when she knew that rape
was something different.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-151

10:56

Ana had never talked
about this with anyone.

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11:02

She could have turned to her family,

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11:07

but she didn't.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-154

11:10

She didn't because she was afraid.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-155

11:12

She was afraid the person
she'd choose to tell her story to

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-156

11:16

would have the same reaction
as the rest of us:

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11:22

they'd have doubts, suspicions;

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11:26

those same questions we always have
when it comes to things like this.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-159

11:30

And if that had happened,

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11:35

it would have been worse, perhaps,
than the rape itself.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-161

11:37

She could have talked
to a friend or a sister.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-162

11:42

And with her partner, it would
have been extremely difficult:

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-163

11:47

the slightest hint of doubt
on his face or in his voice

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11:51

would have been devastating for her

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11:55

and would have probably meant
the end of their relationship.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-166

11:58

Ana keeps silent
because deep down she knows

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-167

12:03

that nobody -- none of us,
not her family or therapists,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-168

12:07

let alone the police or judges --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-169

12:13

are willing to hear what Ana
actually did in that moment.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-170

12:17

First and foremost, Ana said, "No."

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-171

12:26

When she saw that her "no" didn't help,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-172

12:32

she spoke nicely to him.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-173

12:35

She tried not to exacerbate his violence

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-174

12:37

or give him ideas.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-175

12:40

She talked to him as if everything
that was happening were normal,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-176

12:44

so he wouldn't be thinking
that she would turn him in later.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-177

12:49

Now, I wonder and I ask all of you:

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12:59

All those things she did --

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13:05

isn't that considered resisting?

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13:08

No.

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13:12

For all or at least most of us, it's not,

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13:14

probably because it's not "resisting"
in the eyes of the law.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-183

13:17

In most countries,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-184

13:22

the laws still require
that the victim prove her innocence --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-185

13:24

that's right: the victim needs
to prove her innocence --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-186

13:30

by showing marks on her body

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-187

13:34

as evidence that she engaged
in a vigorous and continuous fight

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-188

13:37

with her aggressor.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-189

13:42

I can assure you, in most court cases,

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13:46

no amount of marks is ever enough.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-191

13:50

I listened to many women's stories.

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13:55

And I didn't hear any of them
talking about themselves

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14:00

as if they had been reduced to a thing,

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14:06

totally subjected
to the will of the other.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-195

14:09

Rather, they sounded astonished
and even a little proud

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-196

14:14

looking back

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-197

14:20

and thinking how clear-headed
they had been at the time,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-198

14:23

of how much attention
they paid to every detail,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-199

14:28

as if that would allow them to exert
some control over what was happening.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-200

14:31

Then I realized,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-201

14:39

of course --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-202

14:42

what women are doing in these situations

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-203

14:43

is negotiating.

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14:47

They're trading sex for life.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-205

14:51

They ask the aggressor to finish quickly,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-206

14:57

so everything is over as soon as possible
and at the lowest cost.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-207

15:02

They subject themselves to penetration,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-208

15:08

because believe it or not,

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15:13

penetration is what keeps them furthest

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-210

15:17

from a sexual or emotional scenario.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-211

15:21

They subject themselves to penetration,

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-212

15:26

because penetration is less painful

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-213

15:29

than kisses, caresses and gentle words.

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-214

15:34

Now, if we continue to expect

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-215

15:42

rape to be what it very rarely is --

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-216

15:47

with the rapist as a depraved
lower-class man

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-217

15:52

and not a university student
or a businessman

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15:56

who goes out chasing after girls
on a Friday or Saturday;

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16:00

if we keep expecting
the victims to be demure women

https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-220

16:04

who faint on the scene,

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16:09

and not self-confident women --

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we will continue to be unable to listen.

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Women will continue to be unable to speak.

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And we will all continue to be responsible

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16:26

for that silence

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and their solitude.

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(Applause)

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About the speaker:

Inés Hercovich - Sociologist, social psychologist
Inés Hercovich is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women.

Why you should listen

Inés Hercovich is a sociologist and social psychologist who for decades has researched subjects related to the discrimination of women. She is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women, and in 1990 she founded the first crisis service for victims of sexual assault. Apart from her work, Hercovich is also a sculptor, and in recent years, a world traveler.

More profile about the speaker
Inés Hercovich | Speaker | TED.com

The original video on TED.com:

Inés Hercovich: Why women stay silent after sexual assault | TED Talk | TED.com