TEDxRiodelaPlata
Inés Hercovich: Why women stay silent after sexual assault
Filmed
Views 405,456
Why do women who experience sexual assault rarely speak up about it? "Because they fear they won't be believed," says Inés Hercovich. "Because when a woman tells what happened to her, she tells us things we can't imagine, things that disturb us, things we don't expect to hear, things that shock us." In this moving talk, she takes us inside an encounter with sexual assault to give us a clearer idea of what these situations really look like -- and the difficult choices women make to survive. (In Spanish with English subtitles)
Inés Hercovich - Sociologist, social psychologist
Inés Hercovich is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women. Full bio
There are about 5,000 women here today.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-0
00:12
Among us, 1,250 have been
or will be sexually assaulted
or will be sexually assaulted
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-1
00:20
at some point in our lives.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-2
00:26
One in four.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-3
00:31
Only 10 percent will report it.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-4
00:36
The other 90 percent
take refuge in silence --
take refuge in silence --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-5
00:40
half of them, because the incident
involves a close family member
involves a close family member
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-6
00:47
or someone they know,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-7
00:52
and that makes it much more difficult
to deal with and talk about.
to deal with and talk about.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-8
00:55
The other half don't talk about it
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-9
01:01
because they fear they won’t be believed.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-10
01:05
And they're right -- because we don't.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-11
01:09
Today I want to share with you
why I think we don't believe them.
why I think we don't believe them.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-12
01:15
We don't believe them because when
a woman tells what happened to her,
a woman tells what happened to her,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-13
01:20
she tells us things we can't imagine,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-14
01:25
things that disturb us,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-15
01:28
things we don't expect to hear,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-16
01:30
things that shock us.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-17
01:32
We expect to hear stories like this one:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-18
01:35
"Girl raped near
the Mitre Railroad tracks.
the Mitre Railroad tracks.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-19
01:41
It happened at midnight
as she was on her way home.
as she was on her way home.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-20
01:44
She said that someone
attacked her from behind,
attacked her from behind,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-21
01:48
told her not to scream, said he had a gun
and that she shouldn't move.
and that she shouldn't move.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-22
01:52
He raped her and then fled the scene."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-23
01:56
When we hear or read a story like this,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-24
02:02
we immediately visualize it:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-25
02:05
the rapist, a depraved lower-class man.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-26
02:10
And the victim, a young, attractive woman.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-27
02:15
The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds,
and it's dark and two-dimensional;
and it's dark and two-dimensional;
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-28
02:21
there's no movement, no sound;
it's as if there were no people involved.
it's as if there were no people involved.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-29
02:27
But when a woman tells her story,
it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.
it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-30
02:33
The following is the testimony
of a woman I'll call "Ana."
of a woman I'll call "Ana."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-31
02:40
She's one of the 85 women I interviewed
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-32
02:46
while conducting research
on sexual assault.
on sexual assault.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-33
02:49
Ana told me:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-34
02:56
"I had gone with the girls in the office
to the same pub we always go to.
to the same pub we always go to.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-35
03:01
We met some guys,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-36
03:06
and I hooked up with this super
cool guy; we talked a lot.
cool guy; we talked a lot.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-37
03:08
Around 4am, I told my friends
it was time to go.
it was time to go.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-38
03:13
They wanted to stay.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-39
03:16
So, the guy asked me where I lived
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-40
03:18
and said if it was OK with me,
he'd drive me home.
he'd drive me home.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-41
03:21
I agreed, and we left.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-42
03:24
At a stoplight, he told me
he liked me and touched my leg.
he liked me and touched my leg.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-43
03:27
I don't like a guy
to approach me that way,
to approach me that way,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-44
03:32
but he had been affectionate all night.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-45
03:35
I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-46
03:38
What if I say something but he
didn't mean anything by it,
didn't mean anything by it,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-47
03:41
and I offend him?'
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-48
03:44
When he should have made a turn,
he kept going straight.
he kept going straight.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-49
03:46
I thought he had made
a mistake, and I said,
a mistake, and I said,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-50
03:49
'You should have turned there.'
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-51
03:51
But something felt off.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-52
03:54
Thinking back, I wonder,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-53
03:57
'Why didn't I pay attention
to what I was feeling?'
to what I was feeling?'
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-54
03:58
When he pulled over near the highway,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-55
04:03
that's when I got scared.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-56
04:06
But he told me to relax, that he liked me,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-57
04:09
and that nothing would happen
unless I wanted it to.
unless I wanted it to.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-58
04:12
He was nice.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-59
04:15
I didn't say anything,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-60
04:17
because I was afraid he would get angry,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-61
04:18
and that things would get worse.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-62
04:20
I thought he might have a gun
in the glove compartment.
in the glove compartment.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-63
04:23
Suddenly, he jumped on me
and tried to kiss me.
and tried to kiss me.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-64
04:26
I said no. I wanted to push him away,
but he was holding my arms down.
but he was holding my arms down.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-65
04:30
When I wriggled free, I tried to open
the door, but it was locked.
the door, but it was locked.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-66
04:35
And even if I had gotten out,
where would I have gone?
where would I have gone?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-67
04:40
I told him he wasn't the kind of guy
who needed to do that to be with a girl,
who needed to do that to be with a girl,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-68
04:46
and that I liked him, too,
but not in that way.
but not in that way.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-69
04:51
I tried to calm him down.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-70
04:54
I said nice things about him.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-71
04:56
I talked to him as if
I were his older sister.
I were his older sister.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-72
04:59
Suddenly, he covered
my mouth with one hand
my mouth with one hand
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-73
05:03
and with the other hand
he unbuckled his belt.
he unbuckled his belt.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-74
05:07
I thought right then he would kill me,
strangle me, you know?
strangle me, you know?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-75
05:11
I never felt so alone,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-76
05:17
like I had been kidnapped.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-77
05:20
I asked him to finish quickly
and then take me home."
and then take me home."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-78
05:22
How did you feel listening to this story?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-79
05:27
Surely, several questions arose.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-80
05:31
For example: Why didn't she roll down
the window and call for help?
the window and call for help?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-81
05:37
Why didn't she get out of the car
when she felt something bad might happen?
when she felt something bad might happen?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-82
05:44
How could she ask him to take her home?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-83
05:49
Now, when we hear this kind
of story not on the news
of story not on the news
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-84
05:55
or from someone like me,
presenting it on a stage like this --
presenting it on a stage like this --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-85
05:59
when we're hearing it from someone we know
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-86
06:06
who chose to entrust us
with the story of what happened to them,
with the story of what happened to them,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-87
06:10
we'll have to listen.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-88
06:17
And we'll hear things
we won't be able to understand --
we won't be able to understand --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-89
06:20
or accept.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-90
06:26
And then doubts, questions
and suspicion will creep in.
and suspicion will creep in.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-91
06:28
And that is going to make us feel
really bad and guilty.
really bad and guilty.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-92
06:36
So to protect ourselves
from the discomfort, we have an option.
from the discomfort, we have an option.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-93
06:42
We turn up the volume
on all the parts of the story
on all the parts of the story
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-94
06:48
that we expected to hear:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-95
06:54
a gun in the glove compartment,
the locked doors, the isolated location.
the locked doors, the isolated location.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-96
06:56
And we turn down the volume
on all the parts of the story
on all the parts of the story
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-97
07:03
that we didn't expect to hear
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-98
07:07
and that we don't want to hear;
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-99
07:09
like when she tells him
that she liked him, too,
that she liked him, too,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-100
07:13
or when she tells us she spoke to him
as if she were his older sister,
as if she were his older sister,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-101
07:18
or that she asked him to take her home.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-102
07:22
Why do we do this?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-103
07:26
It's so we can believe her;
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-104
07:30
so we can feel confident
that she really was a victim.
that she really was a victim.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-105
07:32
I call this "victimization of the victim."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-106
07:39
"Victimization," because in order
to believe she's innocent,
to believe she's innocent,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-107
07:44
that she's a victim,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-108
07:48
we need to think of her
as helpless, paralyzed, mute.
as helpless, paralyzed, mute.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-109
07:50
But there's another way
to avoid the discomfort.
to avoid the discomfort.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-110
07:59
And it's exactly the opposite:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-111
08:04
we turn up the volume on the things
we didn't expect to hear,
we didn't expect to hear,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-112
08:07
such as "I spoke nicely to him,"
"I asked him to take me home,"
"I asked him to take me home,"
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-113
08:12
"I asked him to finish quickly,"
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-114
08:15
and we turn down the volume
on the things we did expect to hear:
on the things we did expect to hear:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-115
08:18
the gun in the glove compartment,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-116
08:23
the isolation.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-117
08:25
Why do we do this?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-118
08:30
We do it so we can cling to the doubts
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-119
08:32
and feel more comfortable about them.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-120
08:37
Then, new questions arise, for instance:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-121
08:40
Who told her go to those clubs?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-122
08:47
You saw how she and her friends
were dressed, right?
were dressed, right?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-123
08:51
Those miniskirts, those necklines?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-124
08:55
What do you expect?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-125
08:58
Questions that aren't really questions,
but rather, judgments --
but rather, judgments --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-126
09:00
judgments that end in a verdict:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-127
09:06
she asked for it.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-128
09:11
That finding would be verified by the fact
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-129
09:15
that she didn't mention having
struggled to avoid being raped.
struggled to avoid being raped.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-130
09:18
So that means she didn't resist.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-131
09:24
It means she consented.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-132
09:30
If she asked for it and allowed it,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-133
09:32
how are we calling it rape?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-134
09:36
I call this "blaming the victim."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-135
09:40
These arguments that serve us
both to blame and to victimize,
both to blame and to victimize,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-136
09:45
we all have them in our heads, at hand --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-137
09:52
including victims and perpetrators.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-138
09:57
So much so, that when Ana came to me,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-139
10:01
she told me she didn't know
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-140
10:06
if her testimony was going
to be of any use,
to be of any use,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-141
10:09
because she wasn't sure
if what happened to her qualified as rape.
if what happened to her qualified as rape.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-142
10:13
Ana believed, like most of us,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-143
10:22
that rape is more like armed robbery --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-144
10:24
a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-145
10:29
and not smooth talking from a nice guy
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-146
10:34
that lasts all night and ends
in a kidnapping.
in a kidnapping.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-147
10:37
When she felt afraid she might be killed,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-148
10:45
she was afraid to be left with scars,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-149
10:48
and she had to give her body to avoid it.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-150
10:52
That's when she knew that rape
was something different.
was something different.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-151
10:56
Ana had never talked
about this with anyone.
about this with anyone.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-152
11:02
She could have turned to her family,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-153
11:07
but she didn't.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-154
11:10
She didn't because she was afraid.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-155
11:12
She was afraid the person
she'd choose to tell her story to
she'd choose to tell her story to
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-156
11:16
would have the same reaction
as the rest of us:
as the rest of us:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-157
11:22
they'd have doubts, suspicions;
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-158
11:26
those same questions we always have
when it comes to things like this.
when it comes to things like this.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-159
11:30
And if that had happened,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-160
11:35
it would have been worse, perhaps,
than the rape itself.
than the rape itself.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-161
11:37
She could have talked
to a friend or a sister.
to a friend or a sister.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-162
11:42
And with her partner, it would
have been extremely difficult:
have been extremely difficult:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-163
11:47
the slightest hint of doubt
on his face or in his voice
on his face or in his voice
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-164
11:51
would have been devastating for her
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-165
11:55
and would have probably meant
the end of their relationship.
the end of their relationship.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-166
11:58
Ana keeps silent
because deep down she knows
because deep down she knows
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-167
12:03
that nobody -- none of us,
not her family or therapists,
not her family or therapists,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-168
12:07
let alone the police or judges --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-169
12:13
are willing to hear what Ana
actually did in that moment.
actually did in that moment.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-170
12:17
First and foremost, Ana said, "No."
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-171
12:26
When she saw that her "no" didn't help,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-172
12:32
she spoke nicely to him.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-173
12:35
She tried not to exacerbate his violence
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-174
12:37
or give him ideas.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-175
12:40
She talked to him as if everything
that was happening were normal,
that was happening were normal,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-176
12:44
so he wouldn't be thinking
that she would turn him in later.
that she would turn him in later.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-177
12:49
Now, I wonder and I ask all of you:
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-178
12:59
All those things she did --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-179
13:05
isn't that considered resisting?
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-180
13:08
No.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-181
13:12
For all or at least most of us, it's not,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-182
13:14
probably because it's not "resisting"
in the eyes of the law.
in the eyes of the law.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-183
13:17
In most countries,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-184
13:22
the laws still require
that the victim prove her innocence --
that the victim prove her innocence --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-185
13:24
that's right: the victim needs
to prove her innocence --
to prove her innocence --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-186
13:30
by showing marks on her body
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-187
13:34
as evidence that she engaged
in a vigorous and continuous fight
in a vigorous and continuous fight
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-188
13:37
with her aggressor.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-189
13:42
I can assure you, in most court cases,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-190
13:46
no amount of marks is ever enough.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-191
13:50
I listened to many women's stories.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-192
13:55
And I didn't hear any of them
talking about themselves
talking about themselves
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-193
14:00
as if they had been reduced to a thing,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-194
14:06
totally subjected
to the will of the other.
to the will of the other.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-195
14:09
Rather, they sounded astonished
and even a little proud
and even a little proud
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-196
14:14
looking back
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-197
14:20
and thinking how clear-headed
they had been at the time,
they had been at the time,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-198
14:23
of how much attention
they paid to every detail,
they paid to every detail,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-199
14:28
as if that would allow them to exert
some control over what was happening.
some control over what was happening.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-200
14:31
Then I realized,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-201
14:39
of course --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-202
14:42
what women are doing in these situations
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-203
14:43
is negotiating.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-204
14:47
They're trading sex for life.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-205
14:51
They ask the aggressor to finish quickly,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-206
14:57
so everything is over as soon as possible
and at the lowest cost.
and at the lowest cost.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-207
15:02
They subject themselves to penetration,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-208
15:08
because believe it or not,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-209
15:13
penetration is what keeps them furthest
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-210
15:17
from a sexual or emotional scenario.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-211
15:21
They subject themselves to penetration,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-212
15:26
because penetration is less painful
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-213
15:29
than kisses, caresses and gentle words.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-214
15:34
Now, if we continue to expect
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-215
15:42
rape to be what it very rarely is --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-216
15:47
with the rapist as a depraved
lower-class man
lower-class man
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-217
15:52
and not a university student
or a businessman
or a businessman
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-218
15:56
who goes out chasing after girls
on a Friday or Saturday;
on a Friday or Saturday;
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-219
16:00
if we keep expecting
the victims to be demure women
the victims to be demure women
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-220
16:04
who faint on the scene,
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-221
16:09
and not self-confident women --
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-222
16:13
we will continue to be unable to listen.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-223
16:17
Women will continue to be unable to speak.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-224
16:22
And we will all continue to be responsible
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-225
16:26
for that silence
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-226
16:31
and their solitude.
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-227
16:34
(Applause)
https://e-vid.net/v/en/3591-228
16:37
About the speaker:
Inés Hercovich - Sociologist, social psychologistInés Hercovich is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women.
Why you should listen
Inés Hercovich is a sociologist and social psychologist who for decades has researched subjects related to the discrimination of women. She is a pioneer in the study of sexual violence against women, and in 1990 she founded the first crisis service for victims of sexual assault. Apart from her work, Hercovich is also a sculptor, and in recent years, a world traveler.
Inés Hercovich | Speaker | TED.com
English-Video.net comment policy
The comment field is common to all languages
Let's write in your language and use "Google Translate" together
Please refer to informative community guidelines on TED.com