ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com
TED2010

Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"

Julia Sweeney vorbeşte cu fiica ei despre "Barză"

Filmed:
3,719,405 views

Comicul Julia Sweeney se vede nevoită să-i spună o minciună nevinovată fetiţei ei de 8 ani când aceasta invaţă despre reproducerea la broaşte şi începe să pună nişte întrebări foarte isteţe.
- Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:15
I have a daughterfiică, MulanMulan.
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Am o fiică, Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eightopt, last yearan,
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Şi când avea opt ani, anul trecut,
00:20
she was doing a reportraport for schoolşcoală
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avea de făcut un referat pentru şcoală,
00:22
or she had some homeworkteme pentru acasă about frogsbroaște.
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sau avea temă de casă despre broaşte.
00:24
And we were at this restaurantrestaurant,
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Şi eram la un restaurant.
00:26
and she said, "So, basicallype scurt,
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Şi mi-a spus, "Deci,
00:28
frogsbroaște laypune eggsouă
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broaştele depun ouă
00:30
and the eggsouă turnviraj into tadpolesmormoloci,
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şi ouăle devin mormoloci,
00:32
and tadpolesmormoloci turnviraj into frogsbroaște."
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şi mormolocii devin broaşte."
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frogbroască reproductionreproducere that much.
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Iar eu i-am spus, "Ştii, nu sunt la curent cu ultimele noutăţi despre reproducerea la broaşte.
00:37
It's the femalesfemele, I think, that laypune the eggsouă,
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Cred că femelele depun ouăle.
00:39
and then the malesmasculi fertilizefertiliza them.
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Şi masculii le fertilizează.
00:41
And then they becomedeveni tadpolesmormoloci and frogsbroaște."
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Şi apoi devin momoloci şi broaşte."
00:43
And she saysspune, "What? Only the femalesfemele have eggsouă?"
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Şi ea zice, "Cum? Doar femelele au ouă?"
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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Şi eu spun, "Da."
00:47
And she goesmerge, "And what's this fertilizingfertilizare?"
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Şi ea continuă, "Şi ce e fertilizarea?"
00:49
So I kinddrăguț of said, "Oh, it's this extrasuplimentar ingredientingredient,
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La care eu am spus, "Păi e un ingredient în plus,
00:51
you know, that you need
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ştii tu, de care ai nevoie
00:53
to createcrea a newnou frogbroască
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pentru a crea o broască nouă
00:55
from the mommama and dadtata frogbroască." (LaughterRâs)
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din broasca mamă si broasca tată."
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that trueAdevărat for humansoameni too?"
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Şi ea spune, "Ah, şi asta e valabil şi la oameni?"
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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Şi m-am gândit, "Bun, am ajuns şi aici."
01:03
I didn't know it would happenîntâmpla so quickrapid, at eightopt.
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Nu ştiam că o să se întample atat de repede, la opt ani.
01:05
I was tryingîncercat to remembertine minte all the guidebooksghiduri,
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Încercam să îmi aduc aminte despre toate ghidurile de instruire,
01:07
and all I could remembertine minte was,
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şi mi-am amintit doar,
01:09
"Only answerRăspuns the questionîntrebare they're askingcer.
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"Răspunde doar la întrebarea pe care o pun.
01:11
Don't give any more informationinformație." (LaughterRâs)
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Nu le da mai multe informaţii."
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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Şi am spus, "Da."
01:16
And she said, "And where do, umUm,
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Şi ea a spus, "Şi unde,
01:19
where do humanuman womenfemei,
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femelele om unde,
01:21
like, where do womenfemei laypune theiral lor eggsouă?"
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femelele om unde îşi depun ouăle?"
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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Şi am spus, "Păi,
01:25
funnyamuzant you should askcere. (LaughterRâs)
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ciudat că mă întrebi.
01:28
We have evolvedevoluat to have our ownpropriu pondlac.
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Noi am evoluat şi am avem "lacul" nostru.
01:31
We have our very ownpropriu pondlac insideinterior our bodiesorganisme.
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Avem lacul nostru în corpurile noastre.
01:34
And we laypune our eggsouă there,
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Şi ne depunem ouăle acolo.
01:36
we don't have to worryface griji about other eggsouă or anything like that.
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Nu trebuie să ne facem griji despre alte ouă.
01:39
It's our ownpropriu pondlac. And that's how it happensse întâmplă."
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Este lacul nostru. Şi aşa se întâmplă."
01:42
And she goesmerge, "Then how do they get fertilizedfecundat?"
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Şi ea spune, "Şi cum sunt fertilizate?"
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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Iar eu zic, "Păi,
01:46
MenBărbaţi, throughprin theiral lor penispenis,
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Bărbaţii, cu penisul lor,
01:49
they fertilizefertiliza the eggsouă by the spermsperma comingvenire out.
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fertilizează ouăle prin spermă.
01:52
And you go throughprin the woman'sfemei vaginavagin."
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Şi trec prin vaginul femeii."
01:55
And so we're just eatingmâncare, and her jawmaxilarului just dropspicături,
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Noi tocmai mâncam, iar ei îi pică faţa,
01:57
and she goesmerge, "MomMama!
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şi izbucneşte, "Mami!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroombaie?"
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Adică pe unde ne facem treburile?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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Iar eu, "Ştiu, ştiu."
02:04
I know."
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Ştiu."
02:06
(LaughterRâs)
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(Râsete)
02:12
That's how we evolvedevoluat. It does seempărea oddciudat.
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Aşa am evoluat. Deşi pare ciudat.
02:14
It is a little bitpic like havingavând a wastedeşeuri treatmenttratament plantplantă
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E ca şi cum ai avea fabrica de tratare a deşeurilor
02:17
right nextUrmător → to an amusementdistracţii parkparc ...
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lânga parcul de distracţii.
02:20
Badrău zoningzonare, but ..." (LaughterRâs)
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Zonare rea. Dar...
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goesmerge, "But MomMama,
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Şi ea, "Ce?" Şi continuă, "Dar Mami,
02:25
but menbărbați and womenfemei can't ever see eachfiecare other nakedgol, MomMama.
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bărbaţii şi femeile nu se pot vedea dezbrăcaţi unii pe alţii, mami.
02:28
So how could that ever happenîntâmpla?"
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Cum s-ar putea ca aşa ceva să se întâmple?"
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my MargaretMargaret MeadMead hatpălărie on.
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La care eu m-am transformat în călugăriţă.
02:34
"HumanUmane malesmasculi and femalesfemele
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"Bărbaţii si femeile
02:36
developdezvolta a specialspecial bondlegătură,
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îşi crează o legătură specială,
02:39
and when they're much oldermai batran, much, much oldermai batran than you,
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şi când sunt mult mai în vârstă, mult, mult mai în vârstă decât tine,
02:42
and they have a very specialspecial feelingsentiment,
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au un sentiment special,
02:44
then they can be nakedgol togetherîmpreună."
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şi pot fi dezbrăcaţi impreună."
02:46
And she said, "MomMama,
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Iar ea zice, "Mami,
02:48
have you doneTerminat this before?"
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tu ai făcut asta?"
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
02:53
And she said, "But MomMama, you can't have kidscopii."
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Iar ea, "Dar Mami, tu nu poţi avea copii."
02:55
Because she knowsștie that I adoptedadoptat her and that I can't have kidscopii.
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Fiindcă ştie că am adoptat-o şi că nu pot avea copii.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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Iar ea, "Deci, nu trebuie să mai faci asta din nou."
03:01
And I said, "..."
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Şi eu, "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happenîntâmpla when a man and womanfemeie are togetherîmpreună?
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Apoi a spus, "Dar ce se întâmplă când un bărbat şi o femeie sunt împreună?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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Adică de unde ştiu că e timpul potrivit?
03:09
MomMama, does the man just say,
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Mami, oare bărbatul zice,
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pantspantaloni?'"
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"E timpul să-mi dau jos pantalonii?"
03:13
(LaughterRâs)
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(Râsete)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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Şi i-am spus, "Da."
03:17
(LaughterRâs)
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(Râsete)
03:19
"That is exactlyexact right.
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"Chiar aşa este.
03:22
That's exactlyexact how it happensse întâmplă."
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Exact aşa se întâmplă."
03:24
So we're drivingconducere home and she's looking out the windowfereastră, and she goesmerge,
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Şi apoi conduceam în drum spre casă, şi ea se uită pe geam, şi zice,
03:27
"MomMama. What if two just people saw eachfiecare other on the streetstradă,
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"Mami, cum ar fi dacă doi oameni s-ar întâlni pe stradă,
03:29
like a man and a womanfemeie, they just starteda început doing it. Would that ever happenîntâmpla?"
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un bărbat şi o femeie, şi ar face-o acolo. S-ar putea întâmpla?
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. HumansOamenii are so privateprivat.
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Şi i-am spus, "Ah, nu. Oamenii sunt foarte intimi.
03:35
Oh ..."
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Nu nu."
03:37
And then she goesmerge, "What if there was like a partyparte,
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Iar ea zice, "Dar dacă ar fi o petrecere.
03:39
and there was just like a wholeîntreg bunchbuchet of girlsfete and a wholeîntreg bunchbuchet of boysbăieți,
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Şi ar fi o grămadă de fete si baieţi.
03:41
and there was a bunchbuchet of menbărbați and womenfemei and they just starteda început doing it, MomMama?
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Şi ar fi o grămada de bărbaţi şi femei şi ar începe să o facă, mami?
03:44
Would that ever happenîntâmpla?"
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S-ar putea asta întâmpla?
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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Iar eu i-am zis, "Ah, nu, nu.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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Nu aşa o facem."
03:52
Then we got home and we see the catpisică. And she goesmerge,
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Iar apoi am ajuns acasă şi vedem pisica. Şi ea zice,
03:54
"MomMama, how do catspisici do it?"
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"Mami, cum o fac pisicile?"
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the samela fel. It's basicallype scurt the samela fel."
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Iar eu, "Ah, e la fel. E practic la fel."
03:58
And then she got all caughtprins up in the legspicioare. "But how would the legspicioare go, MomMama?
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Ş-apoi a început cu picioarele. "Dar ce fac cu picioarele, Mami.
04:00
I don't understanda intelege the legspicioare."
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Nu înţeleg picioarele."
04:02
She goesmerge, "MomMama, everyonetoata lumea can't do the splitsse împarte."
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"Nu toată lumea poate face şpagatul."
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legspicioare ..."
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Iar eu, "Ştiu, dar picioarele..."
04:06
and I'm probablyprobabil like, "The legspicioare get workeda lucrat out."
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"Picioarele se rezolvă."
04:08
And she goesmerge, "But I just can't understanda intelege it."
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Iar ea, "Dar nu înteleg."
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the InternetInternet,
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Şi îi spun, "Ştii, hai să mergem pe Internet,
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on WikipediaWikipedia." (LaughterRâs)
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şi poate vedem ... " pe Wikipedia.
04:15
So we go onlinepe net, and we put in "catspisici matingîmperechere."
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Şi mergem online, scriem împerecherea la pisici.
04:17
And, unfortunatelydin pacate, on YouTubeYouTube, there's manymulți catspisici matingîmperechere videosVideoclipuri.
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Iar, din păcate, pe Youtube, sunt o gramadă de clipuri cu pisici în călduri.
04:20
And we watchedvizionat them and I'm so thankfulrecunoscător,
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Ne uităm, şi sunt recunoscătoare,
04:22
because she's just like, "WowWow! This is so amazinguimitor."
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pentru că ea spune, "Oau! Fascinant."
04:24
She goesmerge, "What about dogscâini?"
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Iar apoi zice, "Dar câinii?"
04:27
So we put in dogscâini matingîmperechere, and,
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Şi punem împerecherea la câini, şi,
04:29
you know, we're watchingvizionarea it, and she's totallyintru totul absorbedabsorbită.
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ne uităm, şi ea e complet absorbită.
04:31
And then she goesmerge, "MomMama,
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Ş-apoi zice, "Mami,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the InternetInternet,
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crezi că ar putea fi pe Internet,
04:36
any humansoameni matingîmperechere?"
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împerecherea la oameni?"
04:39
(LaughterRâs)
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(Râsete)
04:41
And then I realizedrealizat that
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Şi apoi mi-am dat seama că
04:43
I had takenluate my little eightopt yearan old'svechi pe handmână,
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îmi conduceam fiica de 8 ani,
04:45
and takenluate her right into InternetInternet pornPorno. (LaughterRâs)
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direct înspre pornografia pe Internet.
04:47
And I lookedprivit into this
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Aşa că uitându-mă
04:49
trustingîncrederea în, lovingiubitor facefață,
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la faţa ei plină de încredere si iubire
04:51
and I said,
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i-am spus,
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"Ah, nu.
04:55
That would never happenîntâmpla."
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Aşa ceva nu s-ar putea întâmpla."
04:57
Thank you.
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Mulţumesc.
04:59
(ApplauseAplauze)
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(Aplauze)
05:01
Thank you.
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Mulţumesc.
05:03
(ApplauseAplauze)
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(Aplauze)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happyfericit to be here.
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Mulţumesc. Sunt fericită să mă aflu aici.
Translated by Florinel Oniga
Reviewed by Miruna Grigorescu

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.

Why you should listen

Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.

Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.

More profile about the speaker
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com