TED2010
Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"
Julia Sweeney má "Rozhovor" so svojou osem-ročnou dcérkou
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Napriek všetkým snahám, komediantka Julia Sweeney bola prinútená povedať malú lož, keď sa jej 8-ročná dcéra začala učiť o reprodukcii žiab a začala sa pýtať veľmi záludné otázky.
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwright
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Julia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:15
I have a daughter, Mulan.
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Mám dcéru, Mulan.
00:17
And when she was eight, last year,
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A keď mala osem rokov, pred rokom,
00:20
she was doing a report for school
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pracovala na jednom referáte do školy
00:22
or she had some homework about frogs.
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alebo mala vlastne nejakú úlohu o žabách.
00:24
And we were at this restaurant,
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A tak sme si sedeli v jednej reštaurácii,
00:26
and she said, "So, basically,
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a zrazu mi hovorí, "Takže, v zásade,
00:28
frogs lay eggs
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žaby kladú vajíčka
00:30
and the eggs turn into tadpoles,
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a z vajíčok sa potom stávajú žubrienky
00:32
and tadpoles turn into frogs."
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a zo žubrienok sa potom stávajú žaby."
00:34
And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.
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A ja na to: "Vieš, ja o žabej reprodukcii až toľko neviem.
00:37
It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,
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Myslím si, že samičky sú tie, čo nakladú vajíčka
00:39
and then the males fertilize them.
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a že potom ich samčekovia oplodnia.
00:41
And then they become tadpoles and frogs."
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A potom sa z nich stanú neskôr žubrienky a žaby."
00:43
And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"
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A ona na to: "Čože? Iba samičky majú vajíčka?"
00:45
And I said, "Yeah."
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A ja na to: "Jasné."
00:47
And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"
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A ona na to: "A čo je vlastne to oplodňovanie?"
00:49
So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,
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Takže som jej tak nejak povedala: "Oh, existuje taká špeciálna ingrediencia,
00:51
you know, that you need
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vieš, ktorá slúži na to,
00:53
to create a new frog
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aby vznikla nová žabka
00:55
from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)
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z mamy žaby a otca žabiaka." (Smiech)
00:57
And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"
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A ona na to: "Aha, a platí to aj pre ľudí?"
01:00
And I thought, "Okay, here we go."
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A tak som si pomyslela: "Tak už to tu máme."
01:03
I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.
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Nikdy by som si nepomyslela, že to príde tak skoro, v jej ôsmich rokoch.
01:05
I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,
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Snažila som si spomenúť na to, čo sa píše vo všetkých príručkách
01:07
and all I could remember was,
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a jediné, na čo som bola schopná si spomenúť, bolo:
01:09
"Only answer the question they're asking.
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"Zodpovedajte iba na otázky, na ktoré sa vás pýtajú.
01:11
Don't give any more information." (Laughter)
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Nepodávajte im žiadne ďalšie informácie." (Smiech)
01:14
So I said, "Yes."
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A tak som jej odpovedala: "Áno."
01:16
And she said, "And where do, um,
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A ona na to: "Hmm, a kam vlastne
01:19
where do human women,
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ľudské samičky
01:21
like, where do women lay their eggs?"
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akože ženy, kladú vajíčka?
01:23
And I said, "Well,
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A ja na to: "Hmm,
01:25
funny you should ask. (Laughter)
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zaujímavé, že sa na to pýtaš. (Smiech)
01:28
We have evolved to have our own pond.
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My sme si vyvinuli taký vlastný rybníček.
01:31
We have our very own pond inside our bodies.
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Máme taký vlastný rybníček priamo v našich telách.
01:34
And we lay our eggs there,
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A kladieme si tam vajíčka sami,
01:36
we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.
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nemusíme riešiť vajíčka iných ani nič také.
01:39
It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."
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Je to náš vlastný rybníček. A tak to vlastne je."
01:42
And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"
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A ona na to: "A tak potom, ako sa vlastne tie vajíčka oplodnia?"
01:44
And I said, "Well,
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A ja na to: "Tak to máš tak,
01:46
Men, through their penis,
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muži, pomocou penisu
01:49
they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.
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oplodnia vajíčka spermiami, ktoré z neho vychádzajú.
01:52
And you go through the woman's vagina."
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A to sa vlastne deje cez ženskú vagínu."
01:55
And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,
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Práve vtedy sme obedovali a zrazu jej spadla sánka,
01:57
and she goes, "Mom!
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a ona na to: "Mamí!
01:59
Like, where you go to the bathroom?"
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To akože tade, kde chodíme na záchod?"
02:02
And I said, "I know.
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A ja som povedala: "Tak to už bude.
02:04
I know."
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Tak to už bude."
02:06
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
02:12
That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.
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Takto sme sa vyvinuli. Viem, že to znie divne.
02:14
It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant
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Je to ako mať skládku odpadu
02:17
right next to an amusement park ...
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vedľa zábavného parku ...
02:20
Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)
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Trošku zlá lokalizácia, ale ... (smiech)
02:22
She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,
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A ona na to: "Cože?" a pokračuje, "Ale mami,
02:25
but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.
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veď muž a žena sa predsa nemôžu vidieť nahí, však, mami.
02:28
So how could that ever happen?"
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Tak ako sa to všetko vlastne môže stať?
02:30
And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.
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A tak som jej odpovedala: "Vieš", a tak som si nasadila môj klobúk Margaret Meadovej (známa americká antropologička).
02:34
"Human males and females
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"Keď ľudskí samčekovia a samičky
02:36
develop a special bond,
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vytvoria medzi sebou špeciálne puto,
02:39
and when they're much older, much, much older than you,
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a keď sú oveľa oveľa oveľa starší než si ty teraz
02:42
and they have a very special feeling,
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a cítia k sebe špeciálne city,
02:44
then they can be naked together."
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potom spolu môžu byť aj nahí."
02:46
And she said, "Mom,
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A na to sa spýtala,: "Mami,
02:48
have you done this before?"
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ty už si to niekedy spravila?"
02:50
And I said, "Yes."
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A na to som odpovedala: "Áno."
02:53
And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."
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A ona na to: "Ale mami, veď ty predsa deti mať nemôžeš."
02:55
Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.
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Ona vie, že som si ju adoptovala a že nemôžem mať deti.
02:57
And I said, "Yes."
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A na to som jej odpovedala: "Áno."
02:59
And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."
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A tak mi odvetí: "No, aspoň to už nemusíš viac robiť."
03:01
And I said, "..."
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A ja na to: "..."
03:04
And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?
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A hneď na to sa spýtala: "A ako sa to vlastne odohráva, keď sú spolu muž a žena?
03:07
Like, how do they know that's the time?
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Akože, ako vedia, že nastal ten správny čas?
03:09
Mom, does the man just say,
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Mami, je to tak, že muž jednoducho povie:
03:11
'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"
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"Je čas si dať dole nohavice?"
03:13
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
03:15
And I said, "Yes."
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A ja na to: "Áno."
03:17
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
03:19
"That is exactly right.
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"Tak to presne je.
03:22
That's exactly how it happens."
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Tak sa to presne odohráva."
03:24
So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,
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A tak si ideme domov autom a ona sa pozerá z okna a povie:
03:27
"Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,
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"Mami, čo ak by sa dvaja ľudia len tak stretli na ulici,
03:29
like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"
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akože muž a žena, a začali by to robiť. Bolo by to možné?"
03:32
And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.
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A ja na to: "Ale nie, ľudia sú oveľa diskrétnejší.
03:35
Oh ..."
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Aha ..."
03:37
And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,
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A potom povedala: "A ak by boli na večierku
03:39
and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,
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a boli by tam celé skupiny dievčat a chlapcov.
03:41
and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?
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a mužov a žien a začali to robiť?
03:44
Would that ever happen?"
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Mohlo by sa to stať?"
03:46
And I said, "Oh, no, no.
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A ja jej na to: "Ale nie, to určite nie.
03:49
That's not how we do it."
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Tak to predsa ako ľudia nerobíme."
03:52
Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,
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A tak sme sa vrátili domov a vidíme mačku. A ona mi vraví:
03:54
"Mom, how do cats do it?"
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"Mami, ale ako to robia mačky?"
03:56
And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."
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A ja na to: "Ale predsa tak isto, je to v podstate to isté ako ostatní."
03:58
And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?
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A potom ju zaujala strašne téma nôh. "Ale ako si tá mačka dá teda tie nohy, mami?
04:00
I don't understand the legs."
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Nechápem to s tými nohami."
04:02
She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."
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A pokračuje, "Mami, veď predsa všetky živočíchy sa nemôžu rozkročiť."
04:04
And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."
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A na to ja: "Viem, ale nohy ..."
04:06
and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."
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a na to jej odpoviem: "Nohy sa vždy nejak vyriešia."
04:08
And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."
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A ona na to: "Ale ja to vôbec nechápem."
04:09
So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,
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A tak sa snažím vysvetliť: "Vieš čo, prečo si to radšej nenájdeme na internete
04:11
and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)
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a možno to tam nájdeme ... ako napríklad na Wikipédii."
(Smiech)
(Smiech)
04:15
So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."
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A tak sme šli na net a zadali sme vyhľadávať "párenie mačiek".
04:17
And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.
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A bohužiaľ jeden môže na YouTube nájsť veľa videí mačiek ako sa pária.
04:20
And we watched them and I'm so thankful,
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A tak sme sa na ne dívali a ja som bola taká vďačná za ne,
04:22
because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."
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pretože moja dcéra len vravela: " Wow, to je úžasné."
04:24
She goes, "What about dogs?"
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A potom: "A čo psy?"
04:27
So we put in dogs mating, and,
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A tak sme si našli videá páriacich sa psov
04:29
you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.
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a dívali sme sa na ne a ju tie videá úplne pohltili.
04:31
And then she goes, "Mom,
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A potom povie: "Mami,
04:33
do you think they would have, on the Internet,
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myslíš, že by sme mohli nájsť na Internete tiež
04:36
any humans mating?"
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aj ľudské párenie?"
04:39
(Laughter)
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(Smiech)
04:41
And then I realized that
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A v tom som si uvedomila,
04:43
I had taken my little eight year old's hand,
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že som zaviedla moje osemročné dievčatko krok po kroku
04:45
and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)
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až priamo k pornu na Internete. (Smiech)
04:47
And I looked into this
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A tak som sa pozrela do jej
04:49
trusting, loving face,
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dôverčivých, milujúcich očí
04:51
and I said,
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a povedala
04:53
"Oh, no.
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"Ale nie,
04:55
That would never happen."
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to by tam určite nebolo."
04:57
Thank you.
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Ďakujem.
04:59
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
05:01
Thank you.
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Ďakujem.
05:03
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
05:06
Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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Ďakujem, naozaj som veľmi šťastná, že ste ma pozvali.
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Julia Sweeney - Actor, comedian, playwrightJulia Sweeney creates comedic works that tackle deep issues: cancer, family, faith.
Why you should listen
Julia Sweeney is a writer, director, actress, comedian and monologist. She is known for being a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1995, where she created and popularized the androgynous character, Pat. She is also well known for her comedic and dramatic monologues. God Said Ha! is a monologue about serious illness, her brother's lymphoma and her own cancer, and her family's crazy reactions to this crisis as they soldiered their way through struggle, confusion and death. This play was performed all over the U.S. and on Broadway at the Lyceum Theater. It was made into a film produced by Quentin Tarantino, and the comedy album from the show was nominated for a Grammy.
Sweeney's second monologue, In the Family Way, played in theatrical runs in New York and Los Angeles. It was ultimately fashioned into a book, a memoir titled If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother. Sweeney's third monologue, Letting Go of God, chronicled her journey from Catholicism to atheism. It was made into a film that played on Showtime.
Julia Sweeney | Speaker | TED.com