ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com
TED2008

Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you

Laura Trice: Vsi bi se morali zahvaliti

Filmed:
2,449,953 views

V navidezno preprostem 3-minutnem posnetku dr. Laura Trice govori o moči čarobne besede - hvala. Zahvala lahko poglobi prijateljstvo, izboljša odnos, pove drugim ljudem, koliko vam pomenijo. Poskusite.
- Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:18
Hiživjo. I'm here to talk to you about the importancepomembnost of
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Živjo. Govorila bom o pomembnosti
00:22
praisepohvale, admirationobčudovanje and thank you,
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pohvale, občudovanja in zahvale,
00:25
and havingimeti it be specificspecifično and genuinepristen.
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ki morajo biti svojevrstni in iskreni.
00:27
And the way I got interestedzainteresirani in this was,
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Zakaj sem se začela zanimati za to?
00:29
I noticedopazili in myselfjaz, when I was growingrastoče up,
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Opazila sem, da sem se med odraščanjem
00:32
and untildo about a fewmalo yearslet agonazaj,
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in še do pred nekaj leti
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someonenekdo,
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hotela zahvaliti nekomu.
00:35
I would want to praisepohvale them,
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Nekoga sem hotela pohvaliti.
00:36
I would want to take in theirnjihovi praisepohvale of me
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Hotela sem, da me drugi pohvalijo.
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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A tega nisem delala.
00:40
And I askedvprašal myselfjaz, why?
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Vprašala sem se, zakaj.
00:43
I feltčutil shysramežljiv, I feltčutil embarrassednerodno.
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Ker sem sramežljiva in plašna.
00:45
And then my questionvprašanje becamepostati,
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Potem sem se vprašala,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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če to delam samo jaz.
00:49
So, I decidedodločil to investigateraziskati.
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Začela sem raziskovati.
00:50
I'm fortunatesrečo enoughdovolj to work in the rehabrehab facilityobjekt,
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Zaposlena sem v zavodu za zdravljenje odvisnosti.
00:53
so I get to see people who are facingsooča life and deathsmrt with addictionodvisnosti.
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Vsak dan srečujem ljudi, ki se soočajo z odvisnostjo.
00:56
And sometimesvčasih it comesprihaja down to something as simplepreprosto as,
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Včasih odkrijemo, da so bolniki postali zasvojeni,
01:00
theirnjihovi corejedro woundrana is theirnjihovi fatherOče diedumrl withoutbrez ever sayinggovoriti he's proudponosen of them.
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ker jim oče ni nikoli povedal, da je ponosen nanje.
01:05
But then, they hearslišite from all the familydružina and friendsprijatelji
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Potem pa izvejo od družine in prijateljev,
01:07
that the fatherOče told everybodyvsi elsedrugače that he was proudponosen of him,
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da je oče vsem drugim povedal, da je ponosen nanje.
01:10
but he never told the sonsin.
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Sinu pa ni nikoli povedal.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his sonsin neededpotrebno to hearslišite it.
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Ker ni vedel, da hoče sin to slišati.
01:14
So my questionvprašanje is, why don't we askvprašajte for the things that we need?
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Sprašujem se, zakaj ne prosimo za tisto, kar potrebujemo.
01:18
I know a gentlemangospod, marriedporočen for 25 yearslet,
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Poznam gospoda, ki je poročen že 25 let.
01:20
who'skdo je longinghrepenenje to hearslišite his wifežena say,
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Želi si, da bi se mu žena zahvalila,
01:22
"Thank you for beingbiti the breadwinnerhranilec, so I can stayostani home with the kidsotroci,"
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ker služi denar in je ona lahko doma z otroki.
01:25
but won'tne bo askvprašajte.
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A za zahvalo ne bo prosil.
01:26
I know a womanženska who'skdo je good at this.
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Poznam žensko, ki to zna.
01:28
She, onceenkrat a weekteden, meetsizpolnjuje with her husbandmož and sayspravi,
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Enkrat na teden prosi moža,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the househiša and with the kidsotroci."
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da se ji zahvali, ker skrbi za dom in vzgaja otroke.
01:34
And he goesgre, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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In mož reče, krasno ti gre.
01:37
And praisepohvale really does have to be genuinepristen,
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Pohvala mora biti iskrena,
01:39
but she takes responsibilityodgovornost for that.
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a zanjo prosi sama.
01:41
And a friendprijatelj of minemoj, AprilAprila, who I've had sinceod kindergartenvrtec,
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Prijateljica April, ki jo poznam še iz vrtca,
01:44
she thankshvala her childrenotroci for doing theirnjihovi choresopravila.
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se otrokom zahvali za mala hišna opravila.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn'tne bi I thank it, even thoughčeprav they're supposeddomnevno to do it?"
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Reče si, zakaj se jim ne bi zahvalila, čeprav morajo to vseeno narediti.
01:49
So, the questionvprašanje is, why was I blockingblokiranje it?
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Vprašanje je, zakaj sem se nehala zahvaljevati.
01:51
Why were other people blockingblokiranje it?
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Zakaj se drugi ne zahvaljujejo?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steakzrezek mediumsrednje rareredko,
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Zakaj lahko rečem, da hočem srednje zapečen zrezek,
01:55
I need sizevelikost sixšest shoesčevlji," but I won'tne bo say,
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da potrebujem čevlje št. 38? Nikoli pa ne rečem,
01:58
"Would you praisepohvale me this way?"
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če bi me pohvalili za to.
02:00
And it's because I'm givingdajanje you criticalkritično datapodatkov about me.
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Zdaj vam govorim le negativne podatke o sebi.
02:04
I'm tellingpovedal you where I'm insecurenegotov.
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Zdaj vam govorim, kje sem negotova.
02:06
I'm tellingpovedal you where I need your help.
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Govorim vam, kje potrebujem vašo pomoč.
02:08
And I'm treatingzdravljenje you, my innernotranji circlekrog,
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Do vas se obnašam,
02:11
like you're the enemysovražnik.
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kot da ste sovražniki.
02:13
Because what can you do with that datapodatkov?
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Kaj lahko naredite s temi podatki?
02:15
You could neglectzanemarjanje me.
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Lahko me ignorirate.
02:17
You could abusezlorabe it.
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Podatke lahko zlorabite.
02:18
Or you could actuallydejansko meetsrečati my need.
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Ali pa naredite to, kar potrebujem.
02:20
And I tookvzel my bikekolo into the bikekolo store--trgovina-- I love this --
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Svoje kolo sem odpeljala v trgovino s kolesi,
02:22
sameenako bikekolo, and they'doni bi do something calledpozval "truingtruing" the wheelskolesa.
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kjer so naravnali kolesa.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you trueresnično the wheelskolesa,
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Moški je rekel: Ko naravnate kolesa,
02:27
it's going to make the bikekolo so much better."
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boste kolo veliko lažje peljali.
02:28
I get the sameenako bikekolo back,
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Kolo so mi vrnili,
02:30
and they'veoni so takensprejeti all the little warpsosnova out of those sameenako wheelskolesa
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kolesa so naravnali.
02:33
I've had for two and a halfpol yearslet, and my bikekolo is like newnovo.
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Po dveh letih in pol je kolo še vedno kot novo.
02:36
So, I'm going to challengeizziv all of you.
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Za vse vas imam izziv.
02:38
I want you to trueresnično your wheelskolesa:
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Hočem, da naravnate svoja kolesa.
02:40
be honestpošten about the praisepohvale that you need to hearslišite.
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Bodite iskreni in povejte, kakšno pohvalo potrebujete.
02:43
What do you need to hearslišite? Go home to your wifežena --
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Kaj hočete slišati? Pojdite domov k ženi
02:45
go askvprašajte her, what does she need?
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in jo vprašajte, kaj potrebuje.
02:47
Go home to your husbandmož -- what does he need?
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Pojdite domov k možu - kaj potrebuje on?
02:49
Go home and askvprašajte those questionsvprašanja, and then help the people around you.
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Pojdite domov, vprašajte najbližje, kaj potrebujejo in jim pomagajte.
02:52
And it's simplepreprosto.
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Preprosto je.
02:53
And why should we carenego about this?
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Zakaj bi se sploh zanimali za to?
02:55
We talk about worldsvet peacemir.
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Govorimo o miru na svetu.
02:56
How can we have worldsvet peacemir with differentdrugačen cultureskulture, differentdrugačen languagesjezikov?
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Kako imamo lahko mir na svetu z različnimi kulturami in jeziki?
02:59
I think it startsse začne householdgospodinjstvo by householdgospodinjstvo, underSpodaj the sameenako roofstreha.
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Začeti moramo doma, pod svojo streho.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our ownlastno backyarddvorišče.
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Najprej poskrbite za svoj dom.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audienceobčinstvo
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Rada bi se vsem vam zahvalila,
03:07
for beingbiti great husbandsmožje, great mothersmatere,
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ker ste odlični možje, krasne matere,
03:09
friendsprijatelji, daughtershčere, sonssinovi.
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prijatelji, hčere, sinovi.
03:11
And maybe somebody'snekdo je never said that to you,
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Morda vam tega ni povedal še nihče,
03:12
but you've doneKončano a really, really good jobdelo.
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a vsi odlično opravljate svoje delo.
03:14
And thank you for beingbiti here, just showingprikazovanje up
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Hvala, ker ste prišli
03:17
and changingzamenjati the worldsvet with your ideasideje.
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in spreminjate svet s svojimi idejami.
03:20
Thank you.
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Hvala.
03:22
(ApplauseAplavz)
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(aplavz)
Translated by Janja Sterle
Reviewed by Tina Posavec

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.

Why you should listen

Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.

In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.

More profile about the speaker
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com