TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice mencadangkan supaya kita mengucapkan terima kasih
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Dalam ceramah 3 minit ini, Dr. Laura Trice akan merungkai kuasa perkataan ajaib 'terima kasih' -- untuk mengeratkan persahabatan, untuk membaiki hubungan, untuk memberitahu kepada orang lain bahawa mereka amat bermakna. Cubalah.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Hai. Saya mahu berbicara kepada anda mengenai kepentingan
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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memuji, mengagumi dan mengucapkan terima kasih.
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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dan melakukannya secara khusus dan ikhlas.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Bagaimana saya berminat dalam hal ini ialah,
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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saya perhatikan pada diri saya semasa saya membesar,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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dan sehingga beberapa tahun yang lalu,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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bahawa apabila saya mahu ucapkan terima kasih kepada seseorang,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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saya mahu memuji mereka,
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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saya mahu menerima pujian mereka terhadap saya,
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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tetapi saya tidak sanggup melakukannya.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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Dan saya bertanya pada diri saya, mengapa?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Saya rasa segan, saya rasa malu.
00:45
And then my question became,
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Dan saya menyoal diri saya,
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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adakah saya seorang sahaja yang buat begini?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Jadi saya mula membuat kajian.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Saya beruntung kerana bekerja di sebuah pusat pemulihan,
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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sebab saya dapat saksikan orang-orang yang di ambang hidup dan mati kerana ketagihan.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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Kadangkala, puncanya hanyalah kerana,
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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bapa mereka meninggal dunia tanpa meluahkan rasa bangganya terhadap mereka.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Tetapi kemudian mereka mendengar dari keluarga dan kawan-kawan
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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yang bapa mereka memberitahu semua orang yang dia berbangga dengannya,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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tetapi bapanya tidak pernah memberitahu anak lelakinya itu.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Sebabnya ialah dia tidak tahu yang anaknya mahu mendengar pujian itu.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Jadi, persoalan saya, mengapa kita tidak meminta perkara yang kita perlukan?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Saya kenal seorang lelaki yang sudah berkahwin selama 25 tahun
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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yang merindui untuk mendengar isterinya mengucapkan,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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"Terima kasih kerana mencari nafkah supaya saya boleh berada di rumah bersama anak-anak,"
01:25
but won't ask.
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tetapi tidak memintanya.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Saya kenal seorang wanita yang mahir dalam hal ini.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Beliau, seminggu sekali, bertemu suaminya dan berkata,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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Saya benar-benar ingin anda ucapkan terima kasih kepada saya di atas apa yang saya lakukan di rumah dan dengan anak-anak."
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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Dan suaminya menjawab, "Oh, sungguh hebat, sungguh hebat."
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Dan pujian hendaklah dari hati,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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dan dia memikul tanggungjawab itu,
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Ada seorang kawan saya, April, yang saya kenali sejak tadika
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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beliau mengucapkan terima kasih kepada anak-anaknya kerana membuat kerja rumah.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Kata beliau, "Mengapa saya tidak ucapkan terima kasih, sungguhpun mereka sepatutnya melakukannya?"
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Maka persolannya ialah, mengapa saya tidak melakukannya?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Mengapa orang lain tidak melakukannya?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Mengapa saya boleh meminta, "Saya mahu stik saya kurang masak,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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Saya mahu kasut saiz enam," tetapi saya tidak meminta,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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"Bolehkah anda memuji saya seperti ini?"
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Dan kerana saya memberi anda data kritikal mengenai diri saya.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Saya beritahu mengenai rasa kurang yakin diri
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Saya beritahu anda bahawa saya perlukan bantuan anda.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Dan saya melayan anda, sahabat kepercayaan saya,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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seperti musuh saya.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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Sebab apa yang anda boleh buat dengan data itu?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Anda boleh mengabaikan saya.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Anda boleh menyalahgunakannya.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Atau anda benar-benar boleh memenuhi keperluan saya.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Saya bawa basikal saya ke kedai basikal - saya suka yang ini --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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basikal yang sama, dan mereka menyamaratakan rodanya yang dipanggil 'true'.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Lelaki itu berkata, "Anda tahu, bila anda menyamaratakan (true) rodanya,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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ia akan menjadikan basikal itu lebih baik."
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Saya ambil kembali basikal yang sama itu,
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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dan mereka membuang bahagian yang rosak pada roda yang sama
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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yang saya gunakan sejak dua tahun setengah, hasilnya, basikal saya seperti baru.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Jadi, saya akan mencabar anda sekalian.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Saya mahu akan lakukan "true" pada roda anda:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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katakan dengan jujur apakah pujian yang anda mahu dengar.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Apa yang perlu anda dengar? Kepada isteri anda di rumah,
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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tanya kepadanya, apakah yang dia perlukan?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Kepada suami anda di rumah -- apakah yang dia perlukan?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Pulang dan tanyakan soalan-soalan itu dan bantu orang di sekeliling anda.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Mudah sekali.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Dan mengapa kita ambil berat terhadap perkara ini?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Kita berbicara mengenai keamanan dunia,
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Bagaimana boleh diwujudkan keamanan dunia antara budaya, bahasa yang berbeza?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Saya fikir ia bermula dari satu keluarga ke satu keluarga, di bawah satu bumbung.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Mari kita perbaiki di dalam keluarga kita.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Dan saya mahu ucapkan terima kasih kepada anda sekalian
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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kerana menjadi suami yang hebat, ibu yang hebat,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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kawan-kawan, anak-anak yang hebat.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Mungkin orang tidak pernah ucapkan kepada anda begitu,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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tetapi anda telah benar-benar melakukan sesuatu yang terbaik.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Terima kasih di atas kehadiran anda
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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dan mengubah dunia dengan idea-idea anda.
03:20
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Tepukan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com