TED2008
Laura Trice: Remember to say thank you
Laura Trice navrhuje, aby sme všetci povedali ďakujem.
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Dr. Laura Trice v tomto zdanlivo jednoduchom trojminútovom prejave uvažuje o sile magických slov ´ďakujem ti´ -- pri prehlbovaní priateľstva, pri náprave určitého puta alebo keď sa chceme uistiť, že druhá osoba vie, čo pre nás znamená. Vyskúšajte to.
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and baker
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Laura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:18
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of
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Ahojte. Prišla som hovoriť o dôležitosti
00:22
praise, admiration and thank you,
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pochvaly, obdivu a vďaky,
00:25
and having it be specific and genuine.
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a o tom, aké je podstatné, aby boli priame a nefalšované.
00:27
And the way I got interested in this was,
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Tieto veci ma začali zaujímať,
00:29
I noticed in myself, when I was growing up,
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keď som vyrastala a všimla som si sama na sebe,
00:32
and until about a few years ago,
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a to bolo až do pár rokov dozadu,
00:33
that I would want to say thank you to someone,
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že by som chcela niekomu povedať ďakujem,
00:35
I would want to praise them,
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chcela by som ho pochváliť
00:36
I would want to take in their praise of me
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a tiež by som chcela prijať pochvalu od neho.
00:38
and I'd just stop it.
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Ale nikdy som to neurobila.
00:40
And I asked myself, why?
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A tak som sa spýtala sama seba, prečo?
00:43
I felt shy, I felt embarrassed.
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Cítila som sa nesmelá, v rozpakoch.
00:45
And then my question became,
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A vtedy sa moja otázka zmenila.
00:47
am I the only one who does this?
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Som jediná, ktorá to takto robí?
00:49
So, I decided to investigate.
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Rozhodla som sa teda pátrať.
00:50
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility,
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Mám šťastie, že pracujem na rehabilitačnom oddelení
00:53
so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.
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a teda sa stretávam s ľuďmi, ktorí kvôli závislosti bojujú na život a na smrť.
00:56
And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as,
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A niekedy sa veci ukážu ako veľmi prosté.
01:00
their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.
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Jadrom trápenia jedného z nich je, že otec zomrel bez toho, aby mu povedal, že je na neho hrdý.
01:05
But then, they hear from all the family and friends
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Ale potom sa dozvie od rodiny a priateľov,
01:07
that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him,
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že otec povedal všetkým ostatným, aký bol na neho hrdý,
01:10
but he never told the son.
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ale nikdy to nepovedal synovi.
01:11
It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
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Otec nevedel, že jeho syn to potreboval počuť.
01:14
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need?
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Moja otázka teda znie, prečo si veci, ktoré potrebujeme, jednoducho nevypýtame?
01:18
I know a gentleman, married for 25 years,
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Poznám pána, ktorý je 25 rokov ženatý
01:20
who's longing to hear his wife say,
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a túži od svojej manželky počuť,
01:22
"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,"
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´Ďakujem, že si živiteľom rodiny.Vďaka tomu môžem zostať doma s deťmi.´
01:25
but won't ask.
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Ale nepýta si to.
01:26
I know a woman who's good at this.
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Poznám ženu, ktorá je však v tomto dobrá.
01:28
She, once a week, meets with her husband and says,
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Raz týždenne povie svojmu manželovi,
01:30
"I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids."
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´Bola by som veľmi rada, keby si mi poďakoval za všetko, čo robím pre domácnosť a pre deti.´
01:34
And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."
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A on na to, ´Oh, to je fantastické, a to je fantastické.´
01:37
And praise really does have to be genuine,
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Pochvala musí byť úprimná,
01:39
but she takes responsibility for that.
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ale za to berie zodpovednosť ona.
01:41
And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten,
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Moja priateľka April, ktorú poznám už od škôlky,
01:44
she thanks her children for doing their chores.
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ďakuje svojím deťom za to, že si plnia svoje povinnosti.
01:47
And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"
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Vraví: ´Prečo by som im nepoďakovala, hoci to aj majú urobiť?´.
01:49
So, the question is, why was I blocking it?
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Otázka teda je, prečo som sa tomu bránila?
01:51
Why were other people blocking it?
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Prečo sa tomu bránia iní ľudia?
01:52
Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare,
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Prečo dokážem povedať, ´Môj steak si prosím mierne prepečený,
01:55
I need size six shoes," but I won't say,
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potrebujem topánky číslo 6´, ale nedokážem povedať,
01:58
"Would you praise me this way?"
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´Pochválil by si ma?´.
02:00
And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me.
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Takto vám však dávam o sebe rozhodujúce informácie.
02:04
I'm telling you where I'm insecure.
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Odhalím vám miesto, kde si nie som celkom istá.
02:06
I'm telling you where I need your help.
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Poviem vám, kde od vás potrebujem pomoc.
02:08
And I'm treating you, my inner circle,
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Správam sa k vám,
02:11
like you're the enemy.
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akoby ste boli moji nepriatelia.
02:13
Because what can you do with that data?
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A čo môžete urobiť s týmito informáciami?
02:15
You could neglect me.
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Môžete si ma nevšímať.
02:17
You could abuse it.
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Môžete to zneužiť.
02:18
Or you could actually meet my need.
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Alebo mi môžete vyhovieť.
02:20
And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this --
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Zobrala som svoj bicykel do opravy -- zbožňujem túto historku --
02:22
same bike, and they'd do something called "truing" the wheels.
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a oni robia niečo čomu sa hovorí ´vyvážiť´ kolesá.
02:25
The guy said, "You know, when you true the wheels,
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Ten chlapík povedal, ´Viete, keď si vyvážite kolesá,
02:27
it's going to make the bike so much better."
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ten bicykel bude omnoho lepší.´
02:28
I get the same bike back,
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Dostala som ten istý bicykel späť.
02:30
and they've taken all the little warps out of those same wheels
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Odstránili z neho všetky drobné deformácie,
02:33
I've had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.
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ktoré som tam mala dva a pol roka a môj bicykel je ako nový.
02:36
So, I'm going to challenge all of you.
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Vyzvem teda vás všetkých.
02:38
I want you to true your wheels:
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Chcem, aby ste si vyvážili vaše kolesá:
02:40
be honest about the praise that you need to hear.
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buďťe úprimní o pochvale, ktorú potrebujete počuť.
02:43
What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife --
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Čo potrebujete počuť? Choďťe domov k svojej žene
02:45
go ask her, what does she need?
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a opýtajte sa jej, čo potrebuje?
02:47
Go home to your husband -- what does he need?
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Choďťe domov k svojmu manželovi -- čo potrebuje?
02:49
Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.
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Choďťe domov a opýtajte sa tieto otázky a potom pomôžte ľuďom okolo seba.
02:52
And it's simple.
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Je to jednoduché.
02:53
And why should we care about this?
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Prečo by nás to vôbec malo trápiť?
02:55
We talk about world peace.
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Hovoríme o svetovom mieri.
02:56
How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages?
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Ako môžeme mať svetový mier, keď máme rôzne kultúry a jazyky?
02:59
I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.
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Myslím si, že to začína v domácnosti, pod jednou strechou.
03:03
So, let's make it right in our own backyard.
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Pozametajme si teda na vlastnom dvore.
03:05
And I want to thank all of you in the audience
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Chcem vám všetkým v hľadisku poďakovať
03:07
for being great husbands, great mothers,
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za to, že ste takí skvelí manželia, úžasné matky,
03:09
friends, daughters, sons.
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priatelia, dcéry, synovia.
03:11
And maybe somebody's never said that to you,
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Môžno vám to nikto nikdy nepovedal,
03:12
but you've done a really, really good job.
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ale robíte veľmi, veľmi dobrú prácu.
03:14
And thank you for being here, just showing up
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Tiež ďakujem za to, že ste tu, že ste prišli
03:17
and changing the world with your ideas.
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a že meníte svet svojimi nápadmi.
03:20
Thank you.
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Ďakujem.
03:22
(Applause)
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(Potlesk)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Laura Trice - Counselor, coach and bakerLaura Trice is a counselor, life coach -- and purveyor of wholesome junk food.
Why you should listen
Dr. Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment. She's created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals. She's taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises. She's the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.
In her other life, she is the head of Laura's Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
Laura Trice | Speaker | TED.com