ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.

Why you should listen

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.

More profile about the speaker
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com
TEDMED 2016

Sue Klebold: My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story

Sue Klebold: 我嘅仔係科倫拜高中槍擊案凶手,而呢個係我嘅故事

Filmed:
10,022,839 views

Sue Klebold 係迪倫.克萊伯德嘅媽媽。迪倫係科倫拜高中槍擊案嘅兇手之一,殺咗 12 名學生同 1 名老師。Sue Klebold 用咗幾年嘅時間回憶家庭生活嘅細節,試著去了解佢當年到底可以做咩先可以防止個仔嘅暴行。Sue Klebold 嘅呢場演講難以開口嘅演講裡邊,探討咗精神健康同暴力行為嘅交匯點,仲向家長同專業人士倡導要繼續研討有關自殺念頭嘅嘢。
- Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:26
The last time I heard聽到 my son's仔仔嘅 voice聲音
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我最後一次聽到我仔把聲
00:28
was when he walked out the front前面 door
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佢出緊前門
00:30
on his way to school學校.
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去返學
門口好黑,佢就講咗一個字
00:33
He called out one word in the darkness黑暗:
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00:36
"Bye再見."
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「拜。」
1999 年
00:38
It was April四月 20, 1999.
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4 月 20 號朝早
我個仔迪倫同佢朋友艾瑞克
00:41
Later之後 that morning早上,
at Columbine哥伦拜恩 High School學校,
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喺科倫拜高中
00:44
my son Dylan迪倫 and his friend朋友 Eric埃里克
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00:47
killed 12 students學生 and a teacher先生
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殺咗 12 個學生同一個老師
00:51
and wounded受傷 more than 20 others
before taking採取 their佢哋 own自己 lives生活.
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傷咗 20 幾個人之後自殺
00:56
Thirteen十三 innocent無辜 people were killed,
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13 個無辜嘅人被殺
00:59
leaving離開 their佢哋 loved ones
in a state狀態 of grief悲傷 and trauma創傷.
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留畀佢哋嘅親友
無限悲痛同創傷
01:03
Others sustained持續 injuries損傷,
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其他傷者
01:05
some resulting導致 in disfigurement缺陷
and permanent永久 disability殘疾.
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有人毁咗容,有人終生殘廢
01:10
But the enormity巨大 of the tragedy悲劇
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但係,呢個慘案嘅危害性
01:12
can't be measured測量 only by the number數量
of deaths死亡 and injuries損傷 that took place地方.
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唔可以用傷亡人數來衡量
01:17
There's no way to quantify量化
the psychological心理 damage損傷
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我哋亦冇辦法去衡量佢
01:21
of those who were in the school學校,
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對喺學校嘅目擊人同參與救援
01:23
or who took part部分
in rescue救援 or cleanup清理 efforts努力.
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同清理嘅人造成嘅心裡創傷
01:27
There's no way to assess評估
the magnitude大小 of a tragedy悲劇 like Columbine哥伦拜恩,
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亦冇辦法估量其他人模仿
01:31
especially尤其係 when it can be a blueprint藍圖
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呢個槍殺案
01:33
for other shooters射手 who go on
to commit提交 atrocities暴行 of their佢哋 own自己.
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會造成嘅影響
01:38
Columbine哥伦拜恩 was a tidal潮汐 wave,
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科倫拜慘案係個大浪
01:41
and when the crash崩潰 ended結束,
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風波之後,社會需要好耐來
01:42
it would take years
for the community社區 and for society社會
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01:46
to comprehend理解 its impact影響.
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消化、理解同認識佢嘅影響
01:49
It has taken採取 me years
to try to accept接受 my son's仔仔嘅 legacy遺產.
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我用咗好多年來接受
我個仔留低嘅問題
01:54
The cruel殘酷 behavior行為
that defined定義 the end結束 of his life
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暴行定義咗佢最後嘅人生
01:57
showed表明 me that he was a completely完全
different不同 person from the one I knew.
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佢已經唔係我識嗰個人
02:02
Afterwards之後 people asked問吓,
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修尾有人問我
02:05
"How could you not know?
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「你點解會唔知?
02:07
What kind一種 of a mother母親 were you?"
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你到底點做媽咪?」
02:10
I still ask問吓 myself自己 those same相同 questions個問題.
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我都猛咁問自己
02:14
Before the shootings槍擊事件,
I thought of myself自己 as a good mom亞媽.
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槍擊案之前,我自認係個好媽咪
02:17
Helping幫手 my children孩子 become成為 caring關心,
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幫助我啲仔女成為體貼
02:20
healthy健康, responsible負責 adults成人
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健康、負責嘅成年人
02:22
was the most important重要 role作用 of my life.
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係我一世人最重要嘅角色
02:26
But the tragedy悲劇 convinced相信 me
that I failed as a parent父母,
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但係呢個悲劇話我知
我做媽咪好失敗
02:30
and it's partially部分 this sense of failure
that brings帶嚟 me here today今日.
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挫敗感使我今日企喺呢度
02:36
Aside一邊 from his father老竇,
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除咗佢嘅爸爸
02:37
I was the one person
who knew and loved Dylan迪倫 the most.
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我係最了解同最愛迪倫嘅人
02:41
If anyone任何人 could have known
what was happening發生,
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假使有人可以預料到呢件事
02:44
it should have been me, right?
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嗰個人應該係我,係咪?
02:47
But I didn't know.
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但係我唔知
02:50
Today今日, I'm here to share共享 the experience經驗
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今日,我想分享下我作為
02:52
of what it's like to be the mother母親
of someone有人 who kills殺死 and hurts.
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一個殺人兇手嘅媽咪嘅感受
02:57
For years after the tragedy悲劇,
I combed梳理 through透過 memories記憶,
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慘案之後好多年
我猛咁梳理我啲記憶
03:01
trying試圖 to figure out
exactly完全 where I failed as a parent父母.
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諗我到底做錯咗咩
03:05
But there are no simple簡單 answers答案.
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我揾唔到明確嘅答案
03:08
I can't give you any solutions解決方案.
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亦冇任何解決方案
03:10
All I can do
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我可以做嘅,唯有
03:12
is share共享 what I have learned.
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同你哋分享我嘅經驗同教訓
03:16
When I talk to people
who didn't know me before the shootings槍擊事件,
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同槍擊案之後
先識我嘅人傾偈時
03:20
I have three challenges挑戰 to meet滿足.
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我要面對三個挑戰
03:22
First, when I walk into a room間房 like this,
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第一,我行入類似宜家間房時
03:26
I never know if someone有人 there
has experienced經歷 loss損失
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我冇辦法知道,有冇人因為我嘅仔
03:30
because of what my son did.
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受到過傷害
03:33
I feel a need to acknowledge承認 the suffering痛苦
caused造成 by a member成員 of my family家庭
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我要承認我個仔
03:37
who isn't here to do it for himself自己.
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造成咗嘅災難
03:40
So first, with all of my heart,
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首先,我誠摯咁
03:43
I'm sorry if my son has caused造成 you pain痛苦.
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為我個仔對你哋
造成嘅傷害道歉
03:48
The second第二 challenge挑戰 I have
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第二個挑戰
03:51
is that I must必須 ask問吓 for understanding理解
and even compassion同情
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係我講我個仔
係死於自殺時
03:55
when I talk about
my son's仔仔嘅 death死亡 as a suicide自殺.
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我需要你哋嘅諒解,甚至同情
03:59
Two years before he died,
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喺佢過身前兩年
04:01
he wrote on a piece一塊 of paper in a notebook筆記本
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佢曾經喺本日記度寫
04:03
that he was cutting切割 himself自己.
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佢係度自殘
04:06
He said that he was in agony痛苦
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佢話佢好痛苦
04:07
and wanted to get a gun
so he could end結束 his life.
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想摞把槍了結自己
04:11
I didn't know about any of this
until直到 months after his death死亡.
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我喺佢死後幾個月先知道
04:15
When I talk about his death死亡 as a suicide自殺,
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我講我個仔係自殺時
04:19
I'm not trying試圖 to downplay淡化 the viciousness邪惡
he showed表明 at the end結束 of his life.
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唔係想減輕佢嘅罪過
04:23
I'm trying試圖 to understand理解
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我只係試圖去理解
04:25
how his suicidal自殺 thinking思維
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點解佢自殺嘅意圖
04:27
led to murder謀殺.
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會導致一場屠殺
04:30
After a lot of reading閲讀
and talking講嘢 with experts專家,
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讀咗好多文章,同資訊專家之後
04:33
I have come to believe
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我逐漸相信
04:35
that his involvement參與 in the shootings槍擊事件
was rooted植根 not in his desire欲望 to kill
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佢策劃槍擊案唔係想殺人
04:40
but in his desire欲望 to die.
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而係想自殺
04:43
The third第三 challenge挑戰 I have
when I talk about my son's仔仔嘅 murder-suicide謀殺-自殺
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講我個仔嘅自殺謀殺時
第三個挑戰
04:48
is that I'm talking講嘢 about mental心理 health健康 --
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就係講心理健康
04:52
excuse借口 me --
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唔好意思
04:53
is that I'm talking講嘢 about mental心理 health健康,
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就係講心理健康
04:56
or brain大腦 health健康, as I prefer中意 to call it,
because it's more concrete混凝土.
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稱為大腦健康會更準確
05:00
And in the same相同 breath呼吸,
I'm talking講嘢 about violence暴力.
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同时,我亦係度講緊暴力
05:04
The last thing I want to do
is to contribute貢獻 to the misunderstanding誤解
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我當然唔想加重
05:08
that already exists存在 around mental心理 illness疾病.
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大家對心理疾病嘅誤解
05:11
Only a very small percent百分比 of those
who have a mental心理 illness疾病
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只有好少有心理疾病嘅人
05:16
are violent暴力 toward other people,
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對其他人有暴力傾向
05:19
but of those who die by suicide自殺,
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但係,自殺嘅群體
05:22
it's estimated估計 that about 75
to maybe more than 90 percent百分比
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有 75%,甚至 90%
05:27
have a diagnosable診斷
mental心理 health健康 condition條件 of some kind一種.
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有可以被診斷嘅心理健康狀況
05:31
As you all know very well,
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眾所周知,我哋嘅心理健康
05:32
our mental心理 health健康 care護理 system系統
is not equipped裝備 to help everyone個個都,
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醫療機制照顧唔到每一個人
05:37
and not everyone個個都 with destructive破壞性 thoughts思想
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同時,唔係每個有破壞性傾向嘅人
05:39
fits the criteria標準
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都會診斷到嘅
05:41
for a specific特定 diagnosis診斷.
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心理病
05:44
Many好多 who have ongoing持續 feelings感情
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好多覺得恐懼、憤怒、或者絕望嘅人
05:46
of fear恐懼 or anger憤怒 or hopelessness絕望
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從來都冇
05:50
are never assessed評估 or treated治療.
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俾診斷或者治療過
05:52
Too often經常, they get our attention注意
only if they reach達到 a behavioral行為 crisis危機.
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等到有行為危機時
我哋先注意到佢哋
05:58
If estimates估計 are correct
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根據統計數據
06:00
that about one
to two percent百分比 of all suicides自殺
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大概百分之一到二嘅自殺
06:03
involves涉及 the murder謀殺 of another另一個 person,
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會導致另一個人嘅死亡
06:07
when suicide自殺 rates rise上升,
as they are rising上升 for some populations人口,
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一個群體嘅自殺率上升時
06:11
the murder-suicide謀殺-自殺 rates
will rise上升 as well.
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佢嘅自殺加謀殺率亦會上升
06:15
I wanted to understand理解 what was going on
in Dylan's迪倫的 mind介意 prior之前 to his death死亡,
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我好想了解,迪倫喺死前諗緊咩
06:21
so I looked for answers答案
from other survivors倖存者 of suicide自殺 loss損失.
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於是我去研究啲自殺未遂嘅人
06:26
I did research研究 and volunteered自願
to help with fund-raising籌款 events事件,
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我做調查,又幫手籌款
06:31
and whenever每當 I could,
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一有機會
06:33
I talked談到 with those who had
survived倖存 their佢哋 own自己 suicidal自殺 crisis危機
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就同啲自殺未遂
06:37
or attempt嘗試.
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或者有自殺傾向嘅人倾偈
06:39
One of the most helpful有用
conversations對話 I had
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我一個同事
06:42
was with a coworker同事
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畀我好大嘅啟發
06:43
who overheard聽到 me talking講嘢 to someone有人 else
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佢之前喺辦公室
06:45
in my office辦公室 cubicle間房.
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偶然聽到我同人講
06:47
She heard聽到 me say
that Dylan迪倫 could not have loved me
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迪倫肯定唔愛我,唔係嘅話
06:51
if he could do something
as horrible可怕 as he did.
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佢點會做出咁恐怖嘅事
06:55
Later之後, when she found發現 me alone一手一腳,
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之後,我呢個同事單獨嚟搵我
06:57
she apologized道歉 for overhearing偷聽
that conversation談話,
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佢話,唔好意思,無意中聽到我講嘢
07:00
but told me that I was wrong.
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同時間話我知,我係錯嘅
07:02
She said that when she was
a young年輕, single mother母親
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佢係個後生嘅單身媽咪時
07:05
with three small children孩子,
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佢要湊住三個細蚊仔
07:07
she became成為 severely嚴重 depressed沮喪
and was hospitalized住院 to keep her safe安全.
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佢變得好抑鬱,需要住院來確保安全
07:13
At the time, she was certain一定
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嗰個時候,佢堅信
07:15
that her children孩子
would be better off if she died,
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如果佢死咗,佢嘅细路仔會更好
07:18
so she had made作出 a plan計劃 to end結束 her life.
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於是佢準備自殺
07:21
She assured me that a mother's亞媽 love
was the strongest bond債券 on Earth地球,
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佢話,母愛係世界上最堅韌嘅紐帶
07:25
and that she loved her children孩子
more than anything in the world世界,
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佢愛佢嘅仔女,多於世上嘅一切
07:29
but because of her illness疾病,
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但係因為佢個病
07:31
she was sure that they
would be better off without her.
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佢堅信佢啲仔女冇佢仲好
07:36
What she said and what
I've learned from others
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我從佢同其他人身上學到
07:39
is that we do not make
the so-called所謂 decision決定 or choice選擇
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我哋對自殺嘅抉擇
07:43
to die by suicide自殺
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同我哋諗買邊駕車
07:45
in the same相同 way
that we choose選擇 what car架車 to drive驅動
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或者星期六去邊度玩嘅嗰種選擇
07:48
or where to go on a Saturday星期六 night.
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係好唔同
07:51
When someone有人 is
in an extremely suicidal自殺 state狀態,
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喺一個人極度想自殺時
07:54
they are in a stage階段 four
medical醫療 health健康 emergency緊急.
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佢處於最嚴重嘅醫學緊急狀態
07:59
Their佢哋 thinking思維 is impaired受損 and they've佢地已經
lost失去 access訪問 to tools工具 of self-governance自我治理.
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佢嘅思考能力受損,冇曬自律能力
08:05
Even though雖然 they can
make a plan計劃 and act行為 with logic邏輯,
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儘管佢哋計劃同執行時好有逻辑
08:08
their佢哋 sense of truth真理
is distorted扭曲 by a filter濾波器 of pain痛苦
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佢嘅是非觀已經俾痛苦扭曲
08:12
through透過 which they
interpret解釋 their佢哋 reality現實.
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呢種痛苦改變咗
佢哋對現實嘅理解
08:15
Some people can be very good
at hiding隱藏 this state狀態,
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有哋人好識掩飾自己
08:19
and they often經常 have
good reasons原因 for doing that.
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因為迫不得已
08:23
Many好多 of us have
suicidal自殺 thoughts思想 at some pointD,
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好多人都諗過自殺
08:27
but persistent持續,
ongoing持續 thoughts思想 of suicide自殺
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如果呢個念頭揮之唔去
08:30
and devising設計 a means意味着 to die
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仲會諗點去執行
08:32
are symptoms症狀 of pathology病理,
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呢就好似其他疾病
08:35
and like many好多 illnesses疾病,
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係一種病態
08:37
the condition條件 has to be
recognized認可 and treated治療
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呢種病況需要、喺仲有得救時
08:40
before a life is lost失去.
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辨認同治療
08:43
But my son's仔仔嘅 death死亡
was not purely純粹 a suicide自殺.
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但係我個仔唔單止自殺
08:47
It involved涉及 mass質素 murder謀殺.
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佢仲導致咗一場屠殺
08:50
I wanted to know how his
suicidal自殺 thinking思維 became成為 homicidal殺人.
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我想知,佢嘅自殺傾向
點變成謀殺傾向
08:56
But research研究 is sparse稀疏
and there are no simple簡單 answers答案.
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呢方面嘅研究好少
冇簡單同直接嘅答案
09:01
Yes, he probably可能 had ongoing持續 depression抑鬱症.
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冇錯,佢一直都有抑鬱症
09:05
He had a personality人格
that was perfectionistic完美主義者 and self-reliant自力更生,
156
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佢係個完美主義者,唔鍾意依靠人
09:12
and that made作出 him less likely可能
to seek尋求 help from others.
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佢嘅性格使佢
好少向其他人求助
09:16
He had experienced經歷
triggering觸發 events事件 at the school學校
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佢曾經喺學校經歷過使佢覺得
09:20
that left him feeling感覺
debased貶低 and humiliated羞辱 and mad.
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羞愧,屈辱同憤怒嘅觸發事件
09:27
And he had a complicated複雜 friendship友誼
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而且,佢同一個
係憤怒同孤獨嘅男仔
09:30
with a boy男孩 who shared共享 his feelings感情
of rage憤怒 and alienation異化,
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有個複雜嘅關係
09:34
and who was seriously嚴重 disturbed不安,
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呢個男仔處於極度不安嘅狀態
09:37
controlling控制 and homicidal殺人.
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有強烈嘅控制慾同嗜殺慾
09:41
And on top返回頁首 of this period時期 in his life
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喺佢哋人生裡邊
09:44
of extreme極端 vulnerability漏洞 and fragility脆弱,
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最脆弱嘅時候
09:48
Dylan迪倫 found發現 access訪問 to guns
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即使我哋屋企冇槍
09:50
even though雖然 we'd我哋會 never
owned擁有 any in our home.
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迪倫都有其他渠道摞到咗槍支
09:53
It was appallingly毛骨悚然 easy容易
for a 17-year-old boy男孩 to buy guns,
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一個十七歲嘅男仔,合法或者非法
09:59
both legally合法 and illegally非法,
without my permission許可 or knowledge知識.
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唔使我知道或允許
就輕易摞到槍支
10:04
And somehow無論如何, 17 years
and many好多 school學校 shootings槍擊事件 later之後,
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過去十七年嚟嘅校園槍擊
10:10
it's still appallingly毛骨悚然 easy容易.
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買賣槍支依然係
令人膽寒嘅容易
10:14
What Dylan迪倫 did that day broke打破 my heart,
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迪倫嗰日做嘅嘢令我心碎
10:18
and as trauma創傷 so often經常 does,
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創傷就係有咁嘅後果
10:20
it took a toll收費 on my body身體 and on my mind介意.
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時刻折磨住我嘅身心
10:24
Two years after the shootings槍擊事件,
I got breast乳腺癌 cancer癌症,
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槍擊事件後兩年,我得咗乳腺癌
10:28
and two years after that,
I began初時 to have mental心理 health健康 problems個問題.
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再過咗两年,我得咗心理病
10:33
On top返回頁首 of the constant係咁, perpetual永久 grief悲傷
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同永久嘅悲哀
10:36
I was terrified害怕 that I would run運行
into a family家庭 member成員
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我好驚我會撞見
10:40
of someone有人 Dylan迪倫 had killed,
179
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被害人嘅家屬
10:42
or be accosted搭訕 by the press
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或者媒體
10:45
or by an angry citizen公民.
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或者一個憤怒嘅市民
10:47
I was afraid害怕 to turn on the news新聞,
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我怕開電視睇新聞
10:50
afraid害怕 to hear聽到 myself自己 being called
a terrible可怕 parent父母 or a disgusting惡心 person.
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驚人哋鬧我衰,鬧我核突
10:58
I started初時 having panic恐慌 attacks攻擊.
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我開始有恐慌發作
11:02
The first bout回合 started初時
four years after the shootings槍擊事件,
185
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第一發作喺槍擊案後四年
11:06
when I was getting得到 ready準備
for the depositions證詞
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我準備去法庭作證
11:09
and would have to meet滿足
the victims'受害者 ' families家庭 face塊面 to face塊面.
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要面對被害人家屬嗰
11:12
The second第二 round started初時
six years after the shootings槍擊事件,
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第二次發作,喺槍擊案後六年
11:16
when I was preparing準備
to speak publicly公開 about murder-suicide謀殺-自殺
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我生來第一次
11:19
for the first time at a conference.
190
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2000
公開參加討論自殺加謀殺
11:22
Both episodes情節 lasted持續 several幾個 weeks禮拜.
191
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兩次發作,每次延續幾個星期
11:27
The attacks攻擊 happened發生 everywhere周圍:
192
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恐慌發作隨時會發生
11:29
in the hardware硬件 store商店, in my office辦公室,
193
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喺五金店,喺寫字樓
11:32
or even while reading閲讀 a book in bed.
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甚至喺床上睇書嗰時
11:35
My mind介意 would suddenly突然 lock
into this spinning紡紗 cycle周期 of terror恐怖
195
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我會突然充滿恐懼
11:40
and no matter個問題 how I hard努力 I tried試過
196
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無論我點試住
11:42
to calm平靜 myself自己 down
or reason原因 my way out of it,
197
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冷靜落來
11:46
I couldn't唔可以 do it.
198
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我做唔到
11:49
It felt覺得 as if my brain大腦
was trying試圖 to kill me,
199
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感覺好似,我嘅大腦整死我
11:52
and then, being afraid害怕 of being afraid害怕
200
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之後,我一直
11:55
consumed消耗 all of my thoughts思想.
201
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1800
好驚自己咁驚
11:58
That's when I learned firsthand第一手
202
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呢個就係我嘅
12:00
what it feels感覺 like
to have a malfunctioning故障 mind介意,
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大腦失常嘅親身經歷
12:03
and that's when I truly真正
became成為 a brain大腦 health健康 advocate提倡.
204
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所以,我係大腦健康嘅擁護者
12:08
With therapy治療 and medication藥物 and self-care自理,
205
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用藥物治療同自我護理
12:11
life eventually最終 returned返回
206
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我嘅生活慢慢返到正軌
12:13
to whatever無論 could be thought of
as normal正常 under the circumstances情況下.
207
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變到相對嘅正常
12:18
When I looked back
on all that had happened發生,
208
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我諗下過去, 逐漸明白
12:20
I could see that my son's仔仔嘅
spiral螺旋 into dysfunction功能障礙
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我個仔臨死前兩年可能
12:24
probably可能 occurred發生
over a period時期 of about two years,
210
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因為機能失調過得好辛苦
12:28
plenty好多 of time to get him help,
211
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嗰時,哪怕有一個人知道佢需要幫助
12:31
if only someone有人 had known
that he needed需要 help
212
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又知道點做
12:34
and known what to do.
213
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兩年時間咁長,肯定有機會幫到佢
12:40
Every time someone有人 asks問吓 me,
214
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每一次有人問我
12:43
"How could you not have known?",
215
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「你點會唔知?」
12:45
it feels感覺 like a punch啤机 in the gut腸道.
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好似重重一拳打落我個心度
12:48
It carries進行 accusation指控
and taps水龍頭 into my feelings感情 of guilt內疚
217
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指責我,引發我嘅負罪感
12:53
that no matter個問題 how much therapy治療 I've had
218
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無論我接受幾多治療
12:55
I will never fully完全 eradicate根除.
219
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永遠都唔會完全好返
12:58
But here's呢度有 something I've learned:
220
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從中我學到
13:01
if love were enough
221
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如果愛就夠曬
13:03
to stop someone有人 who is suicidal自殺
222
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去打消一個人自殺
13:05
from hurting themselves自己,
223
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同傷人嘅念頭
13:08
suicides自殺 would hardly爭 D ever happen發生.
224
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咁自殺就幾乎唔會發生
13:11
But love is not enough,
225
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但係如果有愛仲唔夠
13:14
and suicide自殺 is prevalent普遍.
226
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咁自殺會普遍咁發生
13:16
It's the second第二 leading領先 cause原因 of death死亡
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自殺喺 10 至 34 歲嘅群體
13:19
for people age年齡 10 to 34,
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係第二大致死原因
舊年 2016 年
13:22
and 15 percent百分比 of American美國 youth青年
229
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2656
13:25
report報告 having made作出 a suicide自殺 plan計劃
230
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百分之十五嘅美國青少年
話自己計劃過自殺
13:28
in the last year.
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1200
我認識到,無論我哋幾想做到
13:31
I've learned that no matter個問題
how much we want to believe we can,
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我哋永遠都唔知道,亦控制唔到
13:36
we cannot唔可以 know or control控制
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我哋愛嘅人嘅所有諗法同感覺
13:38
everything our loved ones think and feel,
234
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1960
我哋堅信,我哋同其他人唔同
13:41
and the stubborn固執 belief信仰
that we are somehow無論如何 different不同,
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所以我愛嘅人唔會去自殘
13:45
that someone有人 we love
would never think of hurting themselves自己
236
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或者傷害其他人
13:49
or someone有人 else,
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呢個觀念會導致我哋忽視
13:51
can cause原因 us to miss
238
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2016
平靜嘅表面下邊嘅嘢
13:53
what's hidden隱藏 in plain平原 sight視線.
239
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假使最壞嘅事發生咗
13:56
And if worst糟糕 case情況下 scenarios場景
do come to pass透過,
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我哋要學識
原諒自己唔知嘅嘢
14:01
we'll我哋就 have to learn學習
to forgive原諒 ourselves自己 for not knowing
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原諒自己冇發現嘅問題
14:05
or for not asking問吓 the right questions個問題
242
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2696
14:08
or not finding發現 the right treatment治療.
243
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2720
原諒自己冇搵到對策
我哋應該假設
14:12
We should always assume假設
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14:13
that someone有人 we love may可能 be suffering痛苦,
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我哋所愛嘅人可能受緊折磨
14:16
regardless無論 of what they say
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即使佢嘅言行
14:19
or how they act行為.
247
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好正常
14:21
We should listen with our whole整個 being,
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我哋應該用成個身心咁
唔帶任何偏見咁
14:24
without judgments判斷,
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1200
未必畀到解決方法咁去傾聽
14:26
and without offering提供 solutions解決方案.
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我好清楚,我成世都
14:32
I know that I will live with this tragedy悲劇,
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會帶著呢個悲劇
14:35
with these multiple多個 tragedies悲劇,
252
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1936
呢幾個悲劇,一直行落去
14:37
for the rest休息 of my life.
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我知道,好多人諗
14:40
I know that in the minds頭腦 of many好多,
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2000
我嘅損失嘅
遠唔及受害者家屬
14:46
what I lost失去 can't compare比較
to what the other families家庭 lost失去.
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我嘅掙扎
唔會減輕佢哋嘅痛苦
14:51
I know my struggle鬥爭
doesn't make theirs佢哋 any easier容易.
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有人認為,我冇痛苦嘅權利
14:56
I know there are even some who think
I don't have the right to any pain痛苦,
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只有用成世去贖罪
15:01
but only to a life of permanent永久 penance懺悔.
258
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我嘅總結係
15:06
In the end結束 what I know comes down to this:
259
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15:10
the tragic悲劇 fact事實 is that even
the most vigilant警惕 and responsible負責 of us
260
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我哋就算再負責再警覺
15:16
may可能 not be able to help,
261
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最尾都可能
防止唔到悲劇嘅發生
15:19
but for love's鍾意嘅 sake為咗,
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但係為咗愛
15:22
we must必須 never stop trying試圖
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我哋絕唔可以放棄嘗試
15:24
to know the unknowable未知.
264
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去了解現實背後嘅未知
15:26
Thank you.
265
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多謝
15:27
(Applause掌聲)
266
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(掌聲)
Translated by Lingyan Ning
Reviewed by Sylvia He

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Sue Klebold - Activist
Sue Klebold has become a passionate agent working to advance mental health awareness and intervention.

Why you should listen

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School in 1999. Since the massacre, Sue has spent years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand what she could have done to prevent it. In 2016, after years of evading public scrutiny, Klebold published A Mother's Reckoning: Living In the Aftermath of Tragedy, a powerful memoir in which she explores the crucial intersection between mental health and violence. As a passionate advocate for brain health awareness and intervention, she is donating any profits from the book to mental health charities, research and suicide prevention, hoping for solutions that will help parents and professionals spot and thwart signs of trouble.

More profile about the speaker
Sue Klebold | Speaker | TED.com