Mandy Len Catron: Falling in love is the easy part
Mandy Len Catron - Writer
Mandy Len Catron explores love stories. Full bio
in January of this year.
is about a psychological study
in the laboratory,
trying the study myself
36 increasingly personal questions
having gained any one quality or ability,
in front of another person?
get more personal as they go along.
what you like about them;
to someone you just met.
a few years earlier,
that two of the participants
to the ceremony.
manufacturing romantic love,
to try this study myself,
but not particularly well,
so I sent it to the Modern Love column
are probably wondering,
you might be wondering this
for the past seven months.
what I want to talk about today.
on a book about love stories
about my own experiences
a couple hundred views at the most,
just my Facebook friends,
in the New York Times
to the traffic on my blog.
and Good Morning America had called.
would receive over 8 million views,
the confidence to write honestly
has made international news --
that people across the world
in the status of your new relationship.
which they did every day for weeks,
popped up immediately.
shouted up to the stage,
is part of the deal.
in an international newspaper,
to feel comfortable asking about it.
for the scope of the response.
to have taken on a life of their own.
published a follow-up article
of trying the study themselves,
in the face of all of this attention
of my own relationship.
for the two of us
for photos of the two us.
for the process of falling in love,
feel qualified for.
if the study worked,
of producing love that would last,
I didn't feel capable of answering.
was only a few months old,
the wrong question in the first place.
we were still together really tell them?
of doing these 36 questions
about these questions
was not to produce romantic love.
among college students,
did feel closer after doing it,
used Aron's fast friends protocol
trust and intimacy between strangers.
of the police and members of community,
of opposing political ideologies.
with four minutes of eye contact,
and it didn't work."
with the person you did it with?" I asked.
better friends?" I asked.
know each other after doing the study?"
he was looking for.
that any of us are looking for
a really difficult breakup.
since I was 20,
I could make a life without him.
about the science of romantic love,
somehow inoculate me from heartache.
this at the time --
for this book I was writing --
with the knowledge of romantic love,
as terrible and lonely as I did then.
has been useful in some ways.
I am more relaxed.
about asking for what I want.
is sometimes more
by the person I love indefinitely.
if we were still together.
about the 36 questions
a shortcut to falling in love.
mitigate some of the risk involved,
do provide a mechanism
that most of us really want from love:
the short version of the story.
"Are you still together?"
some more difficult questions,
when things get difficult,
when to just cut and run?
into every relationship,
the answers to these questions,
at having a more thoughtful conversation
of my relationship is this:
and I did a study
the same thing as staying in love.
"Love didn't happen to us.
made the choice to be."
when I read that now,
I really hadn't considered
in that choice.
we would each have to make that choice,
to have to make that choice
he will always choose me.
and answered 36 questions,
so generous and kind and fun
in the biggest newspaper in America.
is turn my relationship
I don't quite believe in.
I will spend my life wanting,
implied by the title to my article,
that I didn't actually write.
to make the choice to love someone,
to love me back,
About the speaker:Mandy Len Catron - Writer
Mandy Len Catron explores love stories.
Why you should listen
Mandy Len Catron is a writer living and working in Vancouver, BC. She blogs at The Love Story Project, a collage of research, memoir and family mythology. As she says: "I’ve been writing a book about love stories for the past five years and, miraculously, I still haven’t tired of talking about it. If you’d like to share your own story or theory or rant, get in touch at @LenMandy."
Mandy Len Catron | Speaker | TED.com