ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lucy Kalanithi - Caregiver
Lucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values.

Why you should listen

Stanford internist Lucy Kalanithi is the widow of neurosurgeon and writer Paul Kalanithi, who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer at age 36. Shortly after his diagnosis, Paul wrote about his transformation from doctor to patient, and explored what makes life worth living in the face of death in his poignant memoir When Breath Becomes Air. After Paul died in 2015, Lucy completed his memoir and wrote its powerful epilogue. As a caregiver for her husband during all phases of his illness and as a practicing physician and a thinker on healthcare value, Lucy is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. She lives in the Bay Area with her and Paul’s daughter, Cady.

More profile about the speaker
Lucy Kalanithi | Speaker | TED.com
TEDMED 2016

Lucy Kalanithi: What makes life worth living in the face of death

Lucy Kalanithi: 在死亡面前,生活如何有意义

Filmed:
2,258,354 views

Lucy Kalanithi 在这次动人的演讲中,探讨了生命的意义,分享了她和亡夫的故事。Paul,一位年轻的神经科医生,在诊断出末期癌症之后转向写作。“拥抱生命带给我们的所有体验——生与死,爱与失去——是我们必然要经历的,”Lucy Kalanithi说。“生而为人,并不是无视苦难,而是接受并与之共存。”
- Caregiver
Lucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
A few少数 days after my husband丈夫 Paul保罗
was diagnosed确诊 with stage阶段 IVIV lung cancer癌症,
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就在我的丈夫Paul被确诊为
肺癌晚期的几天后,
00:19
we were lying说谎 in our bed at home,
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我们躺在卧室里,
Paul说,
00:21
and Paul保罗 said,
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"一切都会变好的。"
00:23
"It's going to be OK."
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00:26
And I remember记得 answering回答 back,
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我记得我回答说,
00:28
"Yes.
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"是的。"
"我们只是还不知道变好的意思."
00:29
We just don't know what OK means手段 yet然而."
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00:35
Paul保罗 and I had met会见 as first-year第一年
medical students学生们 at Yale耶鲁.
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我跟Paul是在耶鲁医学院
读第一年时认识的。
00:38
He was smart聪明 and kind and super funny滑稽.
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他聪明、友善、超级有幽默感。
00:42
He used to keep a gorilla大猩猩 suit适合
in the trunk树干 of his car汽车,
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他常年在车里的后备箱
放着一件大猩猩服,
他说,“以备不时之需。”
00:46
and he'd他会 say, "It's for emergencies紧急情况 only."
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(笑声)
00:49
(Laughter笑声)
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00:51
I fell下跌 in love with Paul保罗 as I watched看着
the care关心 he took with his patients耐心.
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我在目睹了他细心照顾他的患者
之后便爱上了他。
00:55
He stayed late晚了 talking with them,
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他跟患者可以聊到很晚,
00:57
seeking to understand理解
the experience经验 of illness疾病
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希望能够理解疾病带来的感触,
01:01
and not just its technicalities技术性.
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而不仅仅是技术层面的细节。
01:04
He later后来 told me he fell下跌 in love with me
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他后来告诉我,从他看到我面对着
一份停止跳动的
心电图哭泣那刻就爱上我了。
01:06
when he saw me cry over an EKGEKG
of a heart that had ceased停止 beating跳动.
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01:13
We didn't know it yet然而,
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我们那时不知道,
01:14
but even in the heady风头正劲 days of young年轻 love,
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早在我们尚未坠入爱河之前,
01:17
we were learning学习 how
to approach途径 suffering痛苦 together一起.
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我们就已经在学习如何
共同承担痛苦。
01:22
We got married已婚 and became成为 doctors医生.
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我们结婚了,毕业后都当了医生。
01:25
I was working加工 as an internist内科医生
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我选择了当内科医生,
Paul当时即将结束
神经外科的训练课程,
01:27
and Paul保罗 was finishing精加工 his training训练
as a neurosurgeon神经外科医生
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但·他的体重也开始往下掉。
01:31
when he started开始 to lose失去 weight重量.
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01:34
He developed发达 excruciating痛苦 back pain疼痛
and a cough咳嗽 that wouldn't不会 go away.
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他的后背逐渐开始疼痛,
咳嗽总是不见好。
01:40
And when he was admitted承认 to the hospital醫院,
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当他被收治住院时,
CT显示肿瘤已经遍布
他的肺和骨头。
01:42
a CTCT scan扫描 revealed透露 tumors肿瘤
in Paul's保罗 lungs and in his bones骨头.
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01:48
We had both cared照顾 for patients耐心
with devastating破坏性的 diagnoses诊断;
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我们都细心照顾过各种身患
重大疾患的病人;
01:53
now it was our turn.
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现在轮到我们了。
01:58
We lived生活 with Paul's保罗 illness疾病
for 22 months个月.
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我们跟Paul的癌症抗争了22个月。
02:01
He wrote a memoir传记 about facing面对 mortality死亡.
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他写了一本回忆录,
记录面对死亡的感受。
02:05
I gave birth分娩 to our daughter女儿 Cady卡迪,
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我们的女儿Cady顺利出生。
02:08
and we loved喜爱 her and each other.
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我们爱她,爱彼此。
02:10
We learned学到了 directly how to struggle斗争
through通过 really tough强硬 medical decisions决定.
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我们学会了如何面对
各种艰难的医学选择。
02:17
The day we took Paul保罗
into the hospital醫院 for the last time
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Paul最后一次收治住院那天,
对于我而言是最艰难的一天。
02:20
was the most difficult day of my life.
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02:24
When he turned转身 to me at the end结束
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当他在最后的时刻,看着我,
说,“我准备好了。”
02:26
and said, "I'm ready准备,"
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02:31
I knew知道 that wasn't just a brave勇敢 decision决定.
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我明白,那不仅是勇敢的选择,
02:34
It was the right one.
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也是正确的选择。
02:36
Paul保罗 didn't want a ventilator换气扇 and CPRCPR.
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Paul并不想要呼吸机和心肺复苏,
02:40
In that moment时刻,
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在那一刻,
对于Paul而言最重要的事情
02:41
the most important重要 thing to Paul保罗
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02:45
was to hold保持 our baby宝宝 daughter女儿.
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是抱着我们襁褓中的女儿。
02:49
Nine hours小时 later后来,
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九个小时之后,
Paul走了。
02:51
Paul保罗 died死亡.
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02:55
I've always thought of myself
as a caregiver护理人员 --
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我一直认为自己是一名照料者——
就像其他医生一样——
02:58
most physicians医师 do --
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而照顾Paul的经历让我对于
照料者的理解更深刻。
03:00
and taking服用 care关心 of Paul保罗
deepened加深 what that meant意味着.
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03:04
Watching观看 him reshape重塑
his identity身分 during his illness疾病,
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目睹他在跟病魔斗争的过程中
对自己的重塑,
学会见证和接受他的痛苦,
03:07
learning学习 to witness见证 and accept接受 his pain疼痛,
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跟他一起接受他的选择——
03:11
talking together一起 through通过 his choices选择 --
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这些经历让我学会了
03:13
those experiences经验 taught me
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03:15
that resilience弹性 does not mean
bouncing蹦蹦 back to where you were before,
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坚强并不意味着回到过去的自己,
或假装那些很痛苦的事情
没什么大不了的。
03:20
or pretending假装 that
the hard stuff东东 isn't hard.
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03:24
It is so hard.
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太艰难了。
03:27
It's painful痛苦, messy stuff东东.
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过程充满痛苦,让人伤透脑筋。
03:31
But it's the stuff东东.
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但是就是这个过程。
我知道了当我们一起努力,
03:32
And I learned学到了 that when we
approach途径 it together一起,
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03:37
we get to decide决定 what success成功 looks容貌 like.
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我们就能知道成功是什么样子。
03:43
One of the first things
Paul保罗 said to me after his diagnosis诊断 was,
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当他的诊断结果出来后,
他对我说的第一句话是,
03:47
"I want you to get remarried再婚."
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“我希望你能再嫁。”
03:50
And I was like, whoa, I guess猜测
we get to say anything out loud.
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我当时想,哇,我觉得我们
当时什么都敢说了。
(笑声)
03:53
(Laughter笑声)
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非常的震惊,
03:56
It was so shocking触目惊心
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令人心碎——
03:58
and heartbreaking令人心碎 ...
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04:01
and generous慷慨,
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同时也是一种大度,
同时也非常舒心,
04:02
and really comforting欣慰的
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因为我们完全的诚实,
04:04
because it was so starkly赤裸裸 honest诚实,
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这种诚实正是我们最需要的。
04:06
and that honesty诚实 turned转身 out
to be exactly究竟 what we needed需要.
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04:10
Early in Paul's保罗 illness疾病,
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在Paul患病的早期,
我们商量好,我们什么事情都敞开说。
04:12
we agreed同意 we would
just keep saying things out loud.
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04:17
Tasks任务 like making制造 a will,
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像是立遗嘱这样的事情,
完成预留医疗指示(ADS)——
(译注:丧失主观意识时的医护指示)
04:19
or completing完成 our advance提前 directives指令 --
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那些我一直逃避的事情——
04:22
tasks任务 that I had always avoided避免 --
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当真正面对时并没有那么可怕。
04:25
were not as daunting艰巨 as they once一旦 seemed似乎.
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04:28
I realized实现 that completing完成
an advance提前 directive指示 is an act法案 of love --
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我意识到预留医疗指示(ADS)
是一种爱的举动——
04:33
like a wedding婚礼 vow发誓.
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就像是婚礼上的誓言。
04:35
A pact协议 to take care关心 of someone有人,
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一种照料对方的契约,
将誓言铭刻下来
04:38
codifying编纂 the promise诺言
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直到生死相隔,
04:40
that til胡麻 death死亡 do us part部分,
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04:43
I will be there.
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我永不言弃。
04:45
If needed需要, I will speak说话 for you.
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我会在需要时为你表达你的意愿。
04:49
I will honor荣誉 your wishes祝福.
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我会完成你的愿望。
04:53
That paperwork证件 became成为
a tangible有形 part部分 of our love story故事.
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这个法律文书成为我们
爱情故事的见证。
04:59
As physicians医师,
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作为医生,
我跟Paul都有充分的心理准备
05:00
Paul保罗 and I were in a good position位置
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去理解,甚至接受诊断结果。
05:01
to understand理解 and even
accept接受 his diagnosis诊断.
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05:06
We weren't angry愤怒 about it,
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我们并没有感到愤怒,
很幸运,
05:07
luckily,
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因为我们早就目睹太多危重的病人,
05:08
because we'd星期三 seen看到 so many许多 patients耐心
in devastating破坏性的 situations情况,
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我们知道,死,是生命的一部分。
05:12
and we knew知道 that death死亡 is a part部分 of life.
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05:17
But it's one thing to know that;
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但是,大道理谁都知道;
当真的自己遇到的时候,
05:19
it was a very different不同 experience经验
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亲身经历悲伤和不确定性
是完全不同的体验。
05:21
to actually其实 live生活 with the sadness
and uncertainty不确定 of a serious严重 illness疾病.
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05:26
Huge巨大 strides进步 are being存在 made制作
against反对 lung cancer癌症,
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肺癌的治疗方法效果很好,
但是我们知道Paul的预期寿命
只有几年,甚至几个月。
05:29
but we knew知道 that Paul保罗 likely容易 had
months个月 to a few少数 years年份 left to live生活.
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05:36
During that time,
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在那段时间,
Paul记录了他从医生
到病人的转变,
05:37
Paul保罗 wrote about his transition过渡
from doctor医生 to patient患者.
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05:41
He talked about feeling感觉
like he was suddenly突然 at a crossroads十字路口,
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他谈到了突然感觉
自己站在了十字路口,
以及他是如何以为自己能看清道路,
05:45
and how he would have thought
he'd他会 be able能够 to see the path路径,
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05:49
that because he treated治疗 so many许多 patients耐心,
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因为他已经帮助过那么多病人,
或许他可以追踪他们的脚步。
05:52
maybe he could follow跟随 in their footsteps步伐.
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05:55
But he was totally完全 disoriented迷失方向.
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但是他彻底的迷失了方向。
05:58
Rather than a path路径,
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根本不是一条路,
Paul写到,
06:00
Paul保罗 wrote,
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“我看到的是
06:01
"I saw instead代替
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只有一片荒芜、空虚、
泛着光的白色的沙漠。
06:03
only a harsh苛刻, vacant空的,
gleaming闪闪发光的 white白色 desert沙漠.
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06:08
As if a sandstorm沙暴
had erased擦除 all familiarity熟悉.
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就像是一场沙尘暴将所有
熟悉的东西都刮跑了。
06:13
I had to face面对 my mortality死亡
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我必须面对我将死的事实,
06:16
and try to understand理解
what made制作 my life worth价值 living活的,
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尝试搞清楚如何能够活得有意义,
06:20
and I needed需要 my oncologist's肿瘤学家的
help to do so."
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我需要我的肿瘤医生帮助我。”
06:27
The clinicians临床医生 taking服用 care关心 of Paul保罗
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临床医生们对Paul的照料
让我对于我医疗界的同事
有了更深的感激。
06:29
gave me an even deeper更深 appreciation升值
for my colleagues同事 in health健康 care关心.
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我们的工作很难。
06:33
We have a tough强硬 job工作.
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我们有责任帮助患者
清楚的知道预期后果
06:35
We're responsible主管 for helping帮助 patients耐心
have clarity明晰 around their prognoses预后
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以及他们治疗的选择,
06:40
and their treatment治疗 options选项,
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这向来不是简单的事情,
尤其是处理癌症
06:42
and that's never easy简单,
but it's especially特别 tough强硬
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等不治之症的时候,选择更加的艰难。
06:45
when you're dealing交易 with potentially可能
terminal终奌站 illnesses疾病 like cancer癌症.
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06:50
Some people don't want to know
how long they have left,
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有些人愿意不去知道
还有多少时日,
有的人想知道。
06:54
others其他 do.
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06:55
Either way, we never have those answers答案.
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无论哪种,我们都不知道答案的。
07:00
Sometimes有时 we substitute替代 hope希望
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有时候我们会强调最好的可能性,
07:04
by emphasizing强调 the best-case最好的情况 scenario脚本.
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以期让希望显得更大一些。
07:08
In a survey调查 of physicians医师,
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一次面向医生的调查中,
55%的医生说当他们
跟病人描述预后时,
07:10
55 percent百分 said
they painted a rosier乐观 picture图片
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相比于他们真实的意见,
07:15
than their honest诚实 opinion意见
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他们会尝试说得更有希望一些。
07:16
when describing说明 a patient's耐心 prognosis预测.
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这是一种出于本能的友善。
07:19
It's an instinct直觉 born天生 out of kindness善良.
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07:24
But researchers研究人员 have found发现
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但是研究人员发现
当患者能够更好的理解
疾病的预期后果时,
07:25
that when people better understand理解
the possible可能 outcomes结果 of an illness疾病,
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他们的焦虑更少,
07:30
they have less anxiety焦虑,
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07:33
greater更大 ability能力 to plan计划
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更有可能好好规划,
07:35
and less trauma外伤 for their families家庭.
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并可能减少给家庭带来的伤痛。
07:40
Families家庭 can struggle斗争
with those conversations对话,
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一个家庭在讨论这类话题时
可能非常痛苦,
但是我们同样发现在做重大决策时
真实信息的重要性。
07:43
but for us, we also found发现 that information信息
immensely非常 helpful有帮助 with big decisions决定.
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07:50
Most notably特别是,
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最重要的是,
要不要生孩子。
07:53
whether是否 to have a baby宝宝.
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07:56
Months to a few少数 years年份 meant意味着
Paul保罗 was not likely容易 to see her grow增长 up.
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只有不到一两年的预期寿命意味着
Paul无法看到女儿长大。
08:02
But he had a good chance机会
of being存在 there for her birth分娩
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但是他能够有机会看到女儿的出生
并在生命开始的时候陪伴左右。
08:05
and for the beginning开始 of her life.
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08:08
I remember记得 asking Paul保罗
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我记得问过Paul
要跟一个襁褓中的孩子告别
08:10
if he thought having
to say goodbye再见 to a child儿童
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会不会让死亡更加痛苦。
08:14
would make dying垂死 even more painful痛苦.
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08:18
And his answer回答 astounded震惊 me.
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他的回答震撼了我。
他说,
08:20
He said,
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“真能这样,难道不会更好么?”
08:22
"Wouldn't岂不 it be great if it did?"
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08:28
And we did it.
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于是我们怀孕了。
08:29
Not in order订购 to spite尽管 cancer癌症,
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并不是为了跟癌症斗争,
08:33
but because we were learning学习
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而是因为我们学会了
有意义的生活,包括了接受苦难。
08:35
that living活的 fully充分
means手段 accepting验收 suffering痛苦.
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08:43
Paul's保罗 oncologist肿瘤科医生 tailored量身定制 his chemo化疗
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Paul的肿瘤医生适量减少了
他化疗的剂量
这样他依然可以从事
神经外科手术,
08:46
so he could continue继续
working加工 as a neurosurgeon神经外科医生,
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这在一开始我们觉得是
完全不可能的。
08:49
which哪一个 initially原来 we thought
was totally完全 impossible不可能.
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08:53
When the cancer癌症 advanced高级
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当癌症进一步加重时
Paul放下了手术刀,拿起了笔,
08:54
and Paul保罗 shifted from surgery手术 to writing写作,
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08:58
his palliative治标不治本 care关心 doctor医生
prescribed规定 a stimulant刺激物 medication药物治疗
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他的姑息疗法医生给他开了
兴奋类的药物,
这样他可以更加专注。
09:01
so he could be more focused重点.
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09:04
They asked Paul保罗 about
his priorities优先 and his worries.
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他们询问了Paul在意的事情
和担心的事情。
09:09
They asked him what trade-offs权衡
he was willing愿意 to make.
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他们询问了他在一些问题上的取舍。
09:14
Those conversations对话
are the best最好 way to ensure确保
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这些谈话是确保你的医疗计划
符合你的预期的最好方式。
09:18
that your health健康 care关心 matches火柴 your values.
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09:24
Paul保罗 joked开玩笑 that it's not
like that "birds鸟类 and bees蜜蜂" talk
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Paul开玩笑说,
这跟你的父母跟你谈论
有关性的话题是不一样的,
09:26
you have with your parents父母,
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这种谈话你总想尽早结束,
09:28
where you all get it over with
as quickly很快 as possible可能,
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然后假装从没发生过。
09:30
and then pretend假装 it never happened发生.
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当事情变化时你会回过头来
回顾这些谈话。
09:32
You revisit重温 the conversation会话
as things change更改.
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你坚持说出真实感受。
09:35
You keep saying things out loud.
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09:40
I'm forever永远 grateful感激
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我会永远感激
Paul的临床医生们,
09:41
because Paul's保罗 clinicians临床医生 felt
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他们并不觉得他们的工作
是提供他们不知道的答案
09:44
that their job工作 wasn't to try
to give us answers答案 they didn't have,
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或仅仅是帮我们修复什么东西,
09:47
or only to try to fix固定 things for us,
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而是在Paul面对痛苦的选择时
提供咨询建议…
09:50
but to counsel法律顾问 Paul保罗
through通过 painful痛苦 choices选择 ...
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09:54
when his body身体 was failing失败
but his will to live生活 wasn't.
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他的身体逐渐垮下去的时候,
他的精神依然矍铄。
10:01
Later后来, after Paul保罗 died死亡,
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在Paul死后,
我收到了很多花束,
10:03
I received收到 a dozen bouquets花束 of flowers花卉,
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而我送出了一束…
10:06
but I sent发送 just one ...
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10:09
to Paul's保罗 oncologist肿瘤科医生,
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给Paul的肿瘤医生,
因为她为Paul的目标提供支持
10:11
because she supported支持的 his goals目标
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并帮助他权衡可能的选择。
10:14
and she helped帮助 him weigh称重 his choices选择.
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10:18
She knew知道 that living活的
means手段 more than just staying alive.
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她知道生活并不仅仅意味着活着。
10:25
A few少数 weeks ago,
a patient患者 came来了 into my clinic诊所.
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几周前,一位患者来到我的诊所。
是一位患有严重慢性病的女士。
10:28
A woman女人 dealing交易
with a serious严重 chronic慢性 disease疾病.
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10:32
And while we were talking
about her life and her health健康 care关心,
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当我们讨论她的生活和医疗计划时,
她提到,“我爱我的姑息治疗小组。
10:35
she said, "I love my palliative治标不治本 care关心 team球队.
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10:40
They taught me that it's OK to say 'no''没有'."
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他们让我知道是完全可以说‘不’的。”
10:43
Yeah, I thought, of course课程 it is.
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对呀,我想,当然了。
10:46
But many许多 patients耐心 don't feel that.
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但是很多患者没有意识到这点。
10:50
Compassion同情 and Choices选择 did a study研究
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“热情和选择”组织做过调查,
调查内容是询问人们的
医疗健康偏好。
10:53
where they asked people
about their health健康 care关心 preferences优先.
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很多人开始回答都是以
10:56
And a lot of people
started开始 their answers答案 with the words
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“如果我有选择的话…”开头。
11:00
"Well, if I had a choice选择 ..."
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11:04
If I had a choice选择.
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如果我有选择。
11:06
And when I read that "if,"
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但我读到那个“如果”,
我更加理解
11:08
I understood了解 better
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为什么四分之一的人
11:11
why one in four people
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被过度医疗了,
11:13
receives收到 excessive过多 or unwanted不需要
medical treatment治疗,
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或者目睹家庭成员被过度医疗。
11:18
or watches手表 a family家庭 member会员 receive接收
excessive过多 or unwanted不需要 medical treatment治疗.
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11:25
It's not because doctors医生 don't get it.
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并不是因为医生不知道。
我们知道。
11:27
We do.
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11:29
We understand理解 the real真实
psychological心理 consequences后果
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我们知道这些对于患者和家庭而言
带来的真实的心理上的后果。
11:32
on patients耐心 and their families家庭.
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11:35
The things is, we deal合同 with them, too.
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问题是,我们也有困扰要处理。
11:38
Half of critical危急 care关心 nurses护士
and a quarter25美分硬币 of ICUICU doctors医生
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一半的重症监护护士和
1/4的ICU医生
考虑过换工作,
11:44
have considered考虑 quitting戒烟 their jobs工作
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因为有时候他们提供的帮助
并不符合患者的诉求,
11:46
because of distress苦难 over feeling感觉
that for some of their patients耐心,
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这种感觉让他们感觉到很痛苦。
11:51
they've他们已经 provided提供 care关心
that didn't fit适合 with the person's人的 values.
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11:57
But doctors医生 can't make sure
your wishes祝福 are respected尊敬
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但是只有当医生知道
你的愿望究竟是什么,
才有可能确认它们得到了尊重。
11:59
until直到 they know what they are.
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12:04
Would you want to be on life support支持
if it offered提供 any chance机会 of longer life?
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你是否愿意通过生命维持装置
延续你的生命?
12:09
Are you most worried担心
about the quality质量 of that time,
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那时你是否更加关注生活质量,
而不是生命的长度?
12:12
rather than quantity数量?
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12:14
Both of those choices选择
are thoughtful周到 and brave勇敢,
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两种选择都是勇敢且睿智的,
12:19
but for all of us, it's our choice选择.
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对我们而言,这是我们的选择。
12:22
That's true真正 at the end结束 of life
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这对于我们的临终医疗
以及我们日常的医疗服务都是如此。
12:24
and for medical care关心 throughout始终 our lives生活.
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如果你怀孕了,你想做
基因筛查么?
12:27
If you're pregnant,
do you want genetic遗传 screening筛查?
217
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要不要更换膝关节?
12:30
Is a knee膝盖 replacement替代 right or not?
218
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1920
12:33
Do you want to do dialysis透析
in a clinic诊所 or at home?
219
741600
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你希望在家还是在诊所
做血液透析?
12:38
The answer回答 is:
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答案是:
12:40
it depends依靠.
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看情况。
12:42
What medical care关心 will help you
live生活 the way you want to?
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哪种医疗方案能够帮助你
按你想要的方式生活?
12:49
I hope希望 you remember记得 that question
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我希望你在下一次面对
你的医疗方案问题时,
能够记得这个问题。
12:51
the next下一个 time you face面对
a decision决定 in your health健康 care关心.
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12:55
Remember记得 that you always have a choice选择,
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记住,你始终可以选择。
12:59
and it is OK to say no to a treatment治疗
that's not right for you.
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而且当医疗方案不适合你时,
你可以说不。
13:06
There's a poem by W.S. Merwin默温 --
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W.S. Merwin 写过一首诗——
很短,只有两行——
13:10
it's just two sentences句子 long --
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描述了我现在的感受。
13:12
that captures捕获 how I feel now.
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13:17
"Your absence缺席 has gone走了 through通过 me
230
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“你的离去,如丝线穿针,
穿过了我。
13:20
like thread线 through通过 a needle.
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13:23
Everything I do
is stitched缝合 with its color颜色."
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从此我的生活,都是你的色彩。”
13:29
For me that poem evokes唤起 my love for Paul保罗,
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对于我而言,这首诗
激发了我对Paul的爱,
13:33
and a new fortitude坚忍不拔
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带给我新的勇气
在我经历对Paul的爱和逝去之后。
13:35
that came来了 from loving爱心 and losing失去 him.
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13:40
When Paul保罗 said, "It's going to be OK,"
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当Paul说,“一切都会变好的,”
他并不是说他的癌症能够痊愈。
13:44
that didn't mean
that we could cure治愈 his illness疾病.
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13:48
Instead代替, we learned学到了 to accept接受
both joy喜悦 and sadness at the same相同 time;
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相反,我们学会了接受这段过程中
经历的愉悦和悲伤;
13:55
to uncover揭露 beauty美女 and purpose目的
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去发现生活的美和意义,
学会放下,因为我们都会出生,
13:58
both despite尽管 and because we are all born天生
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14:03
and we all die.
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也都会死去。
14:06
And for all the sadness
and sleepless无眠 nights,
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在那些悲伤的不眠之夜,
14:09
it turns out there is joy喜悦.
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我们也找到了一些快乐。
14:12
I leave离开 flowers花卉 on Paul's保罗 grave
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我在Paul的坟墓摆上鲜花
看着两岁大的孩子
在草地里奔跑玩耍。
14:15
and watch our two-year-old二十岁
run around on the grass.
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14:19
I build建立 bonfires篝火 on the beach海滩
and watch the sunset日落 with our friends朋友.
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我在海滩点一堆篝火,
跟朋友看日落。
14:25
Exercise行使 and mindfulness正念
meditation冥想 have helped帮助 a lot.
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健身和冥想训练很有帮助。
14:30
And someday日后,
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有时候,
我确实希望能够再婚。
14:32
I hope希望 I do get remarried再婚.
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14:36
Most importantly重要的,
I get to watch our daughter女儿 grow增长.
250
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最重要的是,我能够
看着女儿一天天长大。
14:40
I've thought a lot
about what I'm going to say to her
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我一直在思考,当她更大一些
如何跟她诉说。
14:44
when she's older旧的.
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14:48
"Cady卡迪,
253
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“Cady,
14:50
engaging in the full充分
range范围 of experience经验 --
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拥抱人生所有的体验——
生与死,
14:54
living活的 and dying垂死,
255
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爱与失去——
14:55
love and loss失利 --
256
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14:58
is what we get to do.
257
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都是我们要经历的。
15:01
Being存在 human人的 doesn't happen发生
despite尽管 suffering痛苦.
258
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身而为人并不能够无视苦难。
15:07
It happens发生 within it.
259
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人生伴随着苦难。
15:10
When we approach途径 suffering痛苦 together一起,
260
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当我们能够一起面对苦难,
15:13
when we choose选择 not to hide隐藏 from it,
261
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当我们选择不再去回避它,
15:17
our lives生活 don't diminish减少,
262
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我们的生活并不会萎缩,
而是会得到延伸。”
15:18
they expand扩大."
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15:21
I've learned学到了 that cancer癌症
isn't always a battle战斗.
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经历过这些我意识到治疗癌症
并不是一场战役。
15:26
Or if it is,
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如果是的话,
那么可能也是一场跟我们
想象的不同的战役。
15:28
maybe it's a fight斗争 for something
different不同 than we thought.
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15:32
Our job工作 isn't to fight斗争 fate命运,
267
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我们要做的不是跟命运抗争,
15:36
but to help each other through通过.
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而是相互扶持,度过难关。
15:39
Not as soldiers士兵
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我们不是战士,
15:42
but as shepherds牧羊人.
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我们是牧羊人。
15:45
That's how we make it OK,
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这是我们体会到的变好,
即使它可能不是。
15:48
even when it's not.
272
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15:51
By saying it out loud,
273
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通过开诚布公,
15:53
by helping帮助 each other through通过 ...
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相互扶持度过这段旅程…
15:57
and a gorilla大猩猩 suit适合 never hurts伤害, either.
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准备一套大猩猩戏服总没坏处。
16:00
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
(掌声)
16:01
(Applause掌声)
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Translated by Psycho Decoder

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Lucy Kalanithi - Caregiver
Lucy Kalanithi is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values.

Why you should listen

Stanford internist Lucy Kalanithi is the widow of neurosurgeon and writer Paul Kalanithi, who was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer at age 36. Shortly after his diagnosis, Paul wrote about his transformation from doctor to patient, and explored what makes life worth living in the face of death in his poignant memoir When Breath Becomes Air. After Paul died in 2015, Lucy completed his memoir and wrote its powerful epilogue. As a caregiver for her husband during all phases of his illness and as a practicing physician and a thinker on healthcare value, Lucy is dedicated to helping others choose the health care and end-of-life experiences that best align with their values. She lives in the Bay Area with her and Paul’s daughter, Cady.

More profile about the speaker
Lucy Kalanithi | Speaker | TED.com