ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Thordis Elva - Writer
Thordis Elva is one of the two authors of "South of Forgiveness," a unique collaboration between a survivor and perpetrator of rape.

Why you should listen

Thordis Elva is a firm believer in the healing potential of dialogue when it comes to ending the silence that shrouds sexual violence. In 2015, she was voted Woman of the Year in her native Iceland due to her tireless campaigning for gender equality.

As an award-winning writer, journalist and public speaker, Elva has utilized many different platforms for her activism, including plays, films and books. Her passion for equality extends to the internet, and she has toured extensively giving lectures about online bullying, non-consensual pornography and digital human rights to audiences such as the United Nations and the Nordic Council of Ministers.

Read a Q&A with Elva about her TED Talk on the TED Blog

More profile about the speaker
Thordis Elva | Speaker | TED.com
Tom Stranger - Co-author, landscape gardener
Tom Stranger is the co-author "South of Forgiveness."

Why you should listen

Social sciences and the outdoors have been both professional directions and personal themes for Tom Stranger. After studying social science and working in outdoor recreation, Tom Stranger's focus shifted towards working with young people with complex needs -- mental health challenges, substance addiction, homelessness and neurological impairment. His time working with young people has taught him the immense value of listening with intent.

Stranger has recently completed and thoroughly enjoyed a Master of Cultural Studies at the University of Sydney, and he has returned to work in the outdoors as a landscaper. During his studies, he was involved as a co-author in the writing of South of Forgiveness. He and the book's primary author, Thordis Elva, share the hope that in speaking up they will add their voices to the ever-growing public discourse around relations of gender and sexual violence.

Read a Q&A with Stranger about his TED Talk on the TED Blog.

More profile about the speaker
Tom Stranger | Speaker | TED.com
TEDWomen 2016

Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation

Thordis Elva, Tom Stranger: Simulizi letu la ubakaji na maridhiano

Filmed:
5,570,439 views

Mwaka 1996, Elva Thordis alifurahia penzi la utotoni na Tom Stranger, mwanafunzi kutoka Australia. Baada ya sherehe ya Krismasi shuleni, Tom alimbaka Thordis, nahawakukutani baada ya miaka mingi. Katika majadiliano hayo ya ajabu, Elva na Stranger wanazungumzia miaka ya kuishi katika aibu na usiri, na kutualika kujadili changamoto ya hii kimataifa juu ya unyanyasaji wa kijinsia katika uaminifu mpya. Kwa mjadala, tembelea go.ted.com/thordisandtom.
- Writer
Thordis Elva is one of the two authors of "South of Forgiveness," a unique collaboration between a survivor and perpetrator of rape. Full bio - Co-author, landscape gardener
Tom Stranger is the co-author "South of Forgiveness." Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
[This talk containsina graphicMchoro languagelugha
and descriptionsmaelezo of sexualngono violencevurugu
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[Majadiliano yana lugha na maelezo ya ukatili wa kijinsia
00:15
ViewerKionyeshi cha discretionbusara is advisedwanashauriwa]
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Mtazamaji anatahadharishwa]
00:16
TomTom StrangerMgeni: In 1996,
when I was 18 yearsmiaka oldzamani,
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Tom Stranger: Mwaka 1996,
nilipokuwa nina miaka 18,
00:19
I had the goldendhahabu opportunitynafasi to go
on an internationalkimataifa exchangekubadilishana programprogramu.
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Nilipata fursa ya kusoma nchi ngeni,
00:24
IronicallySuala I'm an AustralianAustralia
who prefersanapendelea propersahihi icyIcy coldbaridi weatherhali ya hewa,
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La kushangaza mimi ni mzaliwa wa Australia anayependa baridi ya haswa,
00:27
so I was bothwote wawili excitedmsisimko and tearfultearful
when I got on a planendege to IcelandAisilandi,
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hivyo nilikuwa na furaha na njonzi
nilipopanda ndege kwenda Iceland,
00:32
after just havingkuwa na farewelledfarewelled
my parentswazazi and brothersndugu goodbyeKwaheri.
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baada ya kuwaaga wazazi wangu na ndugu.
00:36
I was welcomedkukaribishwa into the home
of a beautifulnzuri IcelandicKiaisilandi familyfamilia
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Nilikaribishwa katika familia nzuri ya wana Iceland
00:39
who tookalichukua me hikingkutembea porini,
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ambao walinichukua katika matembezi,
00:41
and helpedimesaidia me get a graspkufahamu
of the melodicmelodic IcelandicKiaisilandi languagelugha.
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na kunisaidia kuielewa lugha ya tuni ya wana Iceland.
00:45
I struggledwalijitahidi a bitkidogo with the initialawali
periodkipindi of homesicknesshomesickness.
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Mwanzo nilipambana na hisia za kutamani kurudi nyumbani
00:48
I snowboardedsnowboarded after schoolshule,
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Baada ya shule, nilicheza mchezo wa kuteleza juu ya barafu
00:50
and I sleptakalala a lot.
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na kulala sana.
00:52
Two hoursmasaa of chemistrykemia classdarasa in a languagelugha
that you don't yetbado fullykikamilifu understandkuelewa
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Masaa mawili ya Kemia katika lugha ambayo bado hujaielewa,
00:56
can be a prettynzuri good sedativesedative.
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inaweza kukuweka kulala vizuri.
00:58
(LaughterKicheko)
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(Vicheko)
01:00
My teachermwalimu recommendedilipendekeza
I try out for the schoolshule playkucheza,
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Mwalimu wangu ilipendekeza
nishiriki katika igizo shuleni,
01:03
just to get me a bitkidogo more sociallykijamii activekazi.
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ilinijumuike na wengine shuleni.
01:06
It turnsinageuka out I didn't endmwisho up
beingkuwa partsehemu of the playkucheza,
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Hata kama sikuwa sehemu ya igizo,
01:08
but throughkupitia it I metalikutana ThordisThordis.
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hapo nilikutana na Thordis.
01:11
We sharedimeshirikiwa a lovelynzuri teenagevijana romanceupendo,
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Tulifurahia simulizi letu la penzi la ujanani,
01:13
and we'dtunatarajia meetkukutana at lunchtimeslunchtimes
to just holdkushikilia handsmikono
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tulikula wote mchana, ili tu kushika mikono
01:16
and walktembea around oldzamani downtownjiji ReykjavReykjavík.
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na kutembea jiji la Reykjavík.
01:18
I metalikutana her welcomingkukaribisha familyfamilia,
and she metalikutana my friendsmarafiki.
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Nilikutana na familia yake,
naye alikutana na marafiki zangu.
01:22
We'dTunataka been in a buddingkizizi mbegu relationshipuhusiano
for a bitkidogo over a monthmwezi
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Tulikuwa katika urafiki karibia zaidi ya mwezi
01:25
when our school'sya shule ChristmasKrismasi BallMpira was helduliofanyika.
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wakati shule iliandaa sherehe ya Krismasi
01:30
ThordisThordis ElvaElva: I was 16
and in love for the first time.
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Thordis Elva: Nilikuwa miaka 16
na nimekutana penzi langu la kwanza.
01:33
Going togetherpamoja to the ChristmasKrismasi dancengoma
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Kwenda pamoja kwa sherehe ya Krismasi
01:35
was a publicumma confirmationuthibitisho
of our relationshipuhusiano,
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Ilikuwa uthibitisho wa uhusiano wetu,
01:38
and I feltwalihisi like the luckiestmno
girlmsichana in the worldulimwengu.
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na nilijisikia kama msichana mwenye bahati sana duniani.
01:41
No longertena a childmtoto, but a youngvijana womanmwanamke.
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Sio tena mtoto, lakini mwanamke.
01:44
HighJuu on my newfoundupya maturityukomavu,
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mkakamavu katika upevu wangu mpya,
01:46
I feltwalihisi it was only naturalasili to try drinkingkunywa
rumRumi for the first time that night, too.
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Niliamini kuwa kujaribu kunywa
kilo kwa mara ya kwanza,
01:51
That was a badmbaya ideawazo.
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ulikuwa uamuzi mbaya.
01:53
I becameikawa very illmgonjwa,
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Niliumwa sana,
01:55
driftingdrifting in and out of consciousnessfahamu
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kupoteza fahamu na kutojielewa
01:56
in betweenkati spasmsghafla of convulsiveKuikisa kupitia vomitingkutapika.
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katika misukosuko ya kutapika.
02:00
The securityusalama guardswalinzi wanted
to call me an ambulanceambulensi,
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Walinzi walitaka kuniitia gari la wagonjwa,
02:03
but TomTom actedalitenda as my knightknight
in shiningkuangaza armorsilaha,
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lakini Tom aliatokea kuwa mkombezi wangu,
02:06
and told them he'dyeye d take me home.
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na kuwaambia atanipeleka nyumbani.
02:08
It was like a fairyFairy talehadithi,
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Ilikuwa kama simulizi za vichimbakazi,
02:10
his strongnguvu armssilaha around me,
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mikono yake yenye nguvu ikinishikilia,
02:12
layingkuwekewa me in the safetyusalama of my bedkitanda.
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kuniweka katika usalama wa kitanda changu.
02:15
But the gratitudeshukrani that I feltwalihisi
towardskuelekea him soonhivi karibuni turnedakageuka to horrorhofu
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Lakini shukrani yang kwake iligeuka haraka kuwa woga
02:20
as he proceededaliendelea to take off my clothesnguo
and get on topjuu of me.
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aliponivua nguo na kupanda juu yangu.
02:25
My headkichwa had clearedimefungwa up,
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nilikuwa nimepata fahamu,
02:26
but my bodymwili was still
too weakdhaifu to fightkupigana back,
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lakini mwili wangu ulikuwa bado
dhaifu mno kupambana,
02:29
and the painmaumivu was blindingkupofusha.
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na maumivu yalikuwa makali.
02:32
I thought I'd be severedsevered in two.
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Nilidhani nimegawanywa mara mbili.
02:35
In orderamri to staykaa saneakili timamu,
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Ili kubaki timamu,
02:37
I silentlykimya countedkuhesabiwa the secondssekunde
on my alarmkengele clocksaa.
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nilihesabu sekunde kwenye saa yangu.
02:41
And ever sincetangu that night,
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Na tangu usiku huo,
02:43
I've knowninayojulikana that there are 7,200
secondssekunde in two hoursmasaa.
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Nimejua kwamba kuna sekunde 7200 katika masaa mawili.
02:51
DespiteLicha ya limpingkiwete for dayssiku
and cryingkilio for weekswiki,
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Pamoja na kuchechmea na kulia kwa mawiki,
02:54
this incidenttukio didn't fitinafaa my ideasmawazo
about rapekubaka like I'd seenkuonekana on TVTV.
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tukio hili halikuwakilisha mawazo yangu kuhusu ubakaji kama nilivyoona kwenye TV.
02:59
TomTom wasn'thaikuwa an armedsilaha lunaticwalimtuma;
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Tom hakuwa mwendawazimu mwenye silaha;
03:01
he was my boyfriendmpenzi.
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alikuwa mpenzi wangu.
03:03
And it didn't happenkutokea in a seedyseedy alleywayalleyway,
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Na haikutokea katika mahali pa ajabu,
03:05
it happenedkilichotokea in my ownmwenyewe bedkitanda.
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ilitokea katika kitanda changu mwenyewe.
03:08
By the time I could identifytambua
what had happenedkilichotokea to me as rapekubaka,
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nilipotambua kwamba nimebakwa,
03:12
he had completedkukamilika his exchangekubadilishana programprogramu
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alikuwa amemaliza masomo yake
03:14
and left for AustraliaAustralia.
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na kurudi kwao Australia.
03:16
So I told myselfMimi mwenyewe it was pointlessbila maana
to addressanwani what had happenedkilichotokea.
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Hivyo nilijiambia kuwa hakuna maana kufuatilia kilichotokea.
03:20
And besidesbadala,
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Na zaidi,
03:21
it had to have been my faultKosa, somehowkwa namna fulani.
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ilibidi iwe kosa langu.
03:24
I was raisedalimfufua in a worldulimwengu
where girlswasichana are taughtalifundishwa
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Nilikulia katika dunia
ambapo wasichana hufundishwa
03:27
that they get rapedalibakwa for a reasonsababu.
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kwamba wakibakwa ni kwa sababu.
03:29
TheirYao skirtsketi was too shortmfupi,
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sketi zao ni fupi mno,
03:32
theirwao smiletabasamu was too widepana,
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tabasamu zao kubwa mno,
03:34
theirwao breathpumzi smelledakasikia of alcoholpombe.
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pumzi yao inanuka kileo.
03:38
And I was guiltymwenye hatia of all of those things,
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Nilikuwa na hatia ya mambo hayo yote,
03:40
so the shameaibu had to be minemgodi.
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hivyo aibu ilibidi iwe yangu.
03:43
It tookalichukua me yearsmiaka to realizekutambua
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Ilinichukua miaka kutambua
03:45
that only one thing could have stoppedkusimamishwa me
from beingkuwa rapedalibakwa that night,
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kwamba jambo moja tu ilngeweza kuzuia mimi kubakwa,
03:49
and it wasn'thaikuwa my skirtsketi,
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haikuwa sketi yangu,
03:51
it wasn'thaikuwa my smiletabasamu,
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haikuwa tabasamu langu,
03:53
it wasn'thaikuwa my childishkitoto trusttumaini.
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haikuwa imani yangu ya kitoto.
03:55
The only thing that could'veingeweza stoppedkusimamishwa me
from beingkuwa rapedalibakwa that night
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Kitu pekee ambacho kingeweza kuzuia kubakwa
03:59
is the man who rapedalibakwa me --
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ni aliyenibaka --
04:01
had he stoppedkusimamishwa himselfmwenyewe.
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kama angejizuia.
04:04
TSTS: I have vaguewazi memorieskumbukumbu of the nextijayo day:
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TS: Sina kumbukumbu nzuri ya siku ya pili
04:07
the after effectsathari of drinkingkunywa,
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athari ya kileo,
04:10
a certainfulani hollownesshollowness
that I triedwalijaribu to stifletamaa.
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utupu niliojaribu kukandamiza.
04:13
Nothing more.
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Hakuna cha ziada.
04:15
But I didn't showonyesha up at Thordis'sWa Thordis doormlango.
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Lakini sikuenda kwa Thordis.
04:19
It is importantmuhimu to now statehali
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Sasa, ni muhimu kusema
04:21
that I didn't see my deedtendo for what it was.
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kwamba sikuona tendo langu kwa ubaya wake..
04:24
The wordneno "rapekubaka" didn't echoecho
around my mindakili as it should'veinapaswa kuwa,
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Neno "ubakaji" halikuwepo katika mawazo yangu kama ilivyotakiwa,
04:28
and I wasn'thaikuwa crucifyingkumsulubisha myselfMimi mwenyewe
with memorieskumbukumbu of the night before.
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sikujisulibisha kwa kumbukumbu ya usiku uliopita.
04:33
It wasn'thaikuwa so much a consciousFahamu refusalkukataa,
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Hata haikuwa mimi kukataa kwa fahamu,
04:35
it was more like any acknowledgmentkukubali
of realityukweli was forbiddenhalali.
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ila zaidi kuwa kukiri ukweli wowote ni haramu.
04:40
My definitionufafanuzi of my actionsVitendo completelykabisa
refutedalikanusha any recognitionkutambua
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Tafsiri yangu ya matendo yangu yalikanusha kutambua
04:44
of the immensekubwa traumakiwewe I causedunasababishwa ThordisThordis.
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madhara nilyomfanyia Thordis.
04:48
To be honestwaaminifu,
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Kusema ukweli,
04:49
I repudiatedtalaka the entirenzima acttenda
in the dayssiku afterwardsbaadaye
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Nilikemea kitendo chote siku za baadaye
04:54
and when I was committingkufanya it.
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na wakati nilikuwa natenda.
04:57
I disavoweddisavowed the truthukweli by convincingkushawishi
myselfMimi mwenyewe it was sexngono and not rapekubaka.
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Niliukataa ukweli kwa kuJIshawishi
ilikuwa ngono sio ubakaji.
05:02
And this is a lieuongo I've feltwalihisi
spine-bendingkukunja mgongo guilthatia for.
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Na huu ni uongo umekuwa ukiniwinda.
05:08
I brokekuvunja up with ThordisThordis
a couplewanandoa of dayssiku laterbaadae,
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Niliachana na Thordis siku kadhaa baadaye,
05:10
and then saw her a numbernambari of timesnyakati
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nilimuona mara kadhaa
05:12
duringwakati the remaindersalio
of my yearmwaka in IcelandAisilandi,
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katika muda wangu uliobaki Iceland,
05:14
feelinghisia a sharpmkali stabstab
of heavyheartednessheavyheartedness eachkila mmoja time.
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nilijisikia vibaya na roho nzito kila wakati.
05:18
DeepKina down, I knewalijua I'd donekufanyika
something immeasurablyimmeasurably wrongsi sawa.
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Ndani, nilijua nimekosa vibaya mno.
05:23
But withoutbila planningkupanga it,
I sunkimekwisha the memorieskumbukumbu deepkina,
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Lakini bila kukusudia, nilikandamiza kumbukumbu yote
05:26
and then I tiedamefungwa a rockmwamba to them.
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ilikusahau kabisa.
05:30
What followedikifuatiwa is a nine-yearmiaka tisa periodkipindi
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Kilichofuata ni miaka tisa
05:31
that can bestbora be titledinayoitwa
as "DenialKunyimwa and RunningKuendesha."
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ya "Kuukana na kuukimbia ukweli."
05:36
When I got a chancenafasi to identifytambua
the realhalisi tormentmateso that I causedunasababishwa,
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Nilipopata nafasi ya kutambua
uhalisi wa unyama niliotenda,
05:40
I didn't standsimama still long enoughkutosha to do so.
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sikuweza kustahamili.
05:44
WhetherKama it be viakupitia distractionkuvuruga,
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Nilihekaheka, iwe kwa
05:46
substanceDutu use,
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matumizi ya madawa,
05:47
thrill-seekingkutafuta thrill
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kutafuta hatari
05:49
or the scrupulousunadhifu wakati mama policingPolisi
of my innerndani speaksema,
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au kukandamika hisia zangu,
05:52
I refusedalikataa to be staticTuli and silentkimya.
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Nilikataa kukaa tuli na kimya.
05:56
And with this noisekelele,
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Na sauti hiyo,
05:58
I alsopia drewakauchomoa heavilysana
uponjuu other partssehemu of my life
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nilitafakari katika sehemu nyingine za maisha yangu
06:01
to constructkujenga a picturepicha of who I was.
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ili kujenga picha ya mimi ni nani.
06:04
I was a surfersurfer,
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Nilikuwa surfer,
06:05
a socialkijamii sciencesayansi studentmwanafunzi,
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mwanafunzi wa sayansi za jami,
06:07
a friendrafiki to good people,
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rafiki kwa watu wema,
06:09
a lovedkupendwa brotherndugu and sonmwana,
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kaka mpendwa na mwana,
06:12
an outdoornje recreationburudani guidemwongozo,
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kiongozi wa burudani za nje ,
06:13
and eventuallyhatimaye, a youthvijana workermfanyakazi.
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na hatimaye, mfanyakazi wa mambo ya vijana.
06:16
I grippedumeandama tighttight to the simplerahisi notionwazo
that I wasn'thaikuwa a badmbaya personmtu.
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Nilshikilia imani kuwa sikuwa mtu mbaya.
06:21
I didn't think I had this in my bonesmifupa.
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Sikudhani nilikuwa na ukatili katika mifupa yangu.
06:24
I thought I was madealifanya up of something elsemwingine.
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Nilidhani nilikuwa tofauti.
06:26
In my nurturedkulishwa upbringingmalezi,
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Katika malezi yangu,
06:28
my lovingupendo extendedkupanuliwa familyfamilia and rolejukumu modelsmifano,
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upendo wa familia na jamaa,
06:31
people closekaribu to me were warmjoto and genuinekweli
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watu wa karibu walikuwa wakarimu na wakweli
06:33
in theirwao respectheshima shownimeonyeshwa towardskuelekea womenwanawake.
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katika heshima yao kwa wanawake.
06:36
It tookalichukua me a long time to staretazama down
this darkgiza cornerkona of myselfMimi mwenyewe,
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Ilinichukua muda mrefu kuangalia kona ya kiza changu,
06:41
and to askkuuliza it questionsmaswali.
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na kujiuliza maswali hayo.
06:46
TETE: NineTisa yearsmiaka after the ChristmasKrismasi dancengoma,
132
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TE: Miaka tisa tangu ile sherehe ya Krismasi,
06:48
I was 25 yearsmiaka oldzamani,
133
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Nilikuwa nina miaka 25,
06:49
and headedinaongozwa straightsawa
for a nervoushofu breakdownkuvunjika.
134
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ninaelekea kuchanganyikiwa.
06:53
My self-worthkujithamini was buriedkuzikwa
underchini a soul-crushingkusagwa na nafsi loadmzigo of silencekimya
135
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thamani yangu ilizikwa na usiri
06:56
that isolatedpekee me from everyonekila mtu
that I caredkujali about,
136
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ulionitenga kutoka kwa kila mtu niliyemjali,
07:00
and I was consumedzinazotumiwa
with misplacedWekwa vibaya hatredchuki and angerhasira
137
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na chuki na hasira
07:02
that I tookalichukua out on myselfMimi mwenyewe.
138
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1764
niliyoelekeza kwangu mwenyewe.
07:05
One day, I stormedwalivamia out
of the doormlango in tearsmachozi
139
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Siku moja, nilitoka nje
kwa hasira na machozi
07:08
after a fightkupigana with a lovedkupendwa one,
140
416269
1943
baada ya kugombana na mpendwa,
07:10
and I wanderedTanga into a cafCAFé,
141
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1699
na kuingia katika café,
07:11
where I askedaliuliza the waitressmhudumu for a penkalamu.
142
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ambapo niliomba kalamu.
07:14
I always had a notebookdaftari with me,
143
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1846
Daima nilikuwa daftari pamoja nami,
07:16
claimingkudai that it was to jotnukta down ideasmawazo
in momentswakati of inspirationmsukumo,
144
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3733
nikidai ilikuwa ni kwa ajili ya kuandika mawazo mapya,
07:20
but the truthukweli was that I neededinahitajika
to be constantlydaima fidgetingfidgeting,
145
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lakini ukweli ni kwamba nilihitaji
daima kuriaria,
07:24
because in momentswakati of stillnessmapumziko na utulivu,
146
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1887
kwa sababu katika wakati wa utulivu,
07:26
I foundkupatikana myselfMimi mwenyewe countingkuhesabu secondssekunde again.
147
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2645
nilijikuta nikihesabu sekunde tena.
07:30
But that day, I watchedaliangalia in wonderajabu
as the wordsmaneno streamedmoja kwa moja out of my penkalamu,
148
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Lakini siku hiyo, nilistaajabu
jinsi maneno yalitoka kwenye kalamu yangu,
07:35
formingkutengeneza the mostwengi pivotalmuhimu letterbarua
I've ever writtenimeandikwa,
149
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3061
kuandika barua muhimu maishani
07:38
addressedkushughulikiwa to TomTom.
150
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1534
kwa Tom.
07:40
AlongPamoja with an accountakaunti of the violencevurugu
that he subjectedilitiwa me to,
151
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3540
Pamoja na nakala ya ukatili alionitendea,
07:43
the wordsmaneno, "I want to find forgivenessmsamaha"
152
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maneno, "Nataka kutafuta msamaha"
07:47
staredwakatazama back at me,
153
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yalinishangaa,
07:48
surprisingajabu nobodyhakuna more than myselfMimi mwenyewe.
154
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kunishangaza mimi hasa.
07:51
But deepkina down I realizedgundua that this
was my way out of my sufferingmateso,
155
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4686
Lakini ndani, niligundua hio
Ilikuwa ni njia ya kujikomboa mateso yangu,
07:56
because regardlessbila kujali of whetherkama or not
he deservedalistahili my forgivenessmsamaha,
156
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4037
kwa sababu, bila kujali kama alistahili msamaha wangu au la,
08:00
I deservedalistahili peaceamani.
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mimi nilistahili amani.
08:03
My erazama of shameaibu was over.
158
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3000
Kipindi changu cha aibu kimefika kikomo.
08:08
Before sendingkutuma the letterbarua,
159
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1499
Kabla ya kutuma barua,
08:09
I preparedtayari myselfMimi mwenyewe for all kindsaina
of negativehasi responsesmajibu,
160
477695
2747
nilijitayarisha kwa kila aina
ya majibu hasi,
08:12
or what I foundkupatikana likeliestlikeliest:
no responsejibu whatsoeverchochote.
161
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3747
kuliko vote:
sikutarajia kupata jibu lolote.
08:17
The only outcomematokeo
that I didn't preparekuandaa myselfMimi mwenyewe for
162
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2747
Tokeo ambalo sikujiandaa tu
08:19
was the one that I then got --
163
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ndilo nililopata-
08:22
a typedimewekwa confessionkuungama from TomTom,
fullkamili of disarmingkuwanyang'anya silaha regretmajuto.
164
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4911
barua ya kukiri kutoka Tom, iliyojaa majuto.
08:27
As it turnsinageuka out, he, too,
had been imprisonedkufungwa by silencekimya.
165
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4087
Yeye pia alikuwa amefungwa katika ukimya.
08:32
And this markedalama the startkuanza
of an eight-year-longmuda wa mrefu nane correspondencemawasiliano
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Na huo ndio mwanzo wa mawasiliano ya yetu yaliyodumu miaka nane
08:36
that God knowsanajua was never easyrahisi,
167
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Mungu anajua haikuwa rahisi kamwe,
08:38
but always honestwaaminifu.
168
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lakini daima ukweli.
08:41
I relievedkuondolewa myselfMimi mwenyewe of the burdensmizigo
that I'd wrongfullykimakosa shoulderedshouldered,
169
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Nilitua dhulma yote niliyobeba,
08:45
and he, in turnkugeuka, wholeheartedlymoyo mkunjufu
ownedinayomilikiwa up to what he'dyeye d donekufanyika.
170
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na yeye, kwa moyo wote
alikiri alichofanya.
08:49
Our writtenimeandikwa exchangeskubadilishana becameikawa a platformjukwaa
171
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Mabadilishano yetu yakawa jukwaa la
08:51
to dissectwachanganua the consequencesmatokeo of that night,
172
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kuchambua matokeo ya usiku ule,
08:54
and they were everything
from gut-wrenchinghatujaulizwa gut
173
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na ilikuwa kila kitu,
kutoka maneno yaliyoumiza
08:56
to healingkuponya beyondzaidi wordsmaneno.
174
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2554
hadi uponyaji kupita maelezo.
08:59
And yetbado, it didn't bringkuleta about
closurekufungwa for me.
175
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3936
Na bado, haikuwa kunipa amani.
09:04
PerhapsLabda because the emailbarua pepe formatformat
didn't feel personalbinafsi enoughkutosha,
176
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3482
Labda kwa sababu barua pepe haikua binafsi ya kutosha,
09:07
perhapslabda because it's easyrahisi to be bravejasiri
177
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1911
labda kwa sababu ni rahisi kuwa jasiri
09:09
when you're hidingkujificha behindnyuma a computerkompyuta
screenskrini on the other sideupande of the planetsayari.
178
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wakati unajificha nyuma ya kompyuta upande wa pili wa dunia
09:13
But we'dtunatarajia begunimeanza a dialoguemajadiliano
179
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1786
Lakini tulianza mjadala
09:15
that I feltwalihisi was necessarymuhimu
to explorekuchunguza to its fullestukamilifu.
180
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niliyohisi ni lazima kuchunguza kikamilifu.
09:20
So, after eightnane yearsmiaka of writingkuandika,
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2065
Hivyo, baada ya miaka nane ya kuandikiana,
09:22
and nearlykaribu 16 yearsmiaka after that diremakubwa night,
182
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na karibia miaka 16 tangia usiku ule,
09:25
I musteredmustered the courageujasiri
to proposependekeza a wildmwitu ideawazo:
183
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nilikwamua ujasiri kupendekeza:
09:29
that we'dtunatarajia meetkukutana up in personmtu
184
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1660
kwamba tukutane uso kwa uso
09:31
and faceuso our pastzilizopita oncemara moja and for all.
185
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kuongelea historia yetu na kumalizana kabisa.
09:37
TSTS: IcelandAisilandi and AustraliaAustralia
are geographicallykijiografia like this.
186
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TS: Kijiografia, Iceland na Australia zipo hivi.
09:41
In the middlekatikati of the two is SouthKusini AfricaAfrika.
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Katikati, ni Afrika Kusini.
09:44
We decidedaliamua uponjuu the cityjiji of CapeCape TownMji,
188
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2905
Tuliamua kukutana mji wa Cape Town,
09:46
and there we metalikutana for one weekwiki.
189
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2044
kwa wiki moja.
09:50
The cityjiji itselfyenyewe provedimeonekana to be
a stunninglykwa kushangaza powerfulnguvu environmentmazingira
190
578426
3470
mji wenyewe ulikuwa ni uthibitisho fika kwa mazingira
09:53
to focustazama on reconciliationupatanisho
and forgivenessmsamaha.
191
581920
2884
ya kufikia maridhiano
na msamaha.
09:57
NowhereMahali pa elsemwingine has healingkuponya
and rapprochementrapprochement been testedkupimwa
192
585847
2639
Hakuna mahali pengine ambapo uponyaji wa mahusiano yamejaribiwa
10:00
like it has in SouthKusini AfricaAfrika.
193
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1634
kama nchini Afrika Kusini.
10:03
As a nationtaifa, SouthKusini AfricaAfrika soughtwalitaka
to sitkukaa withinndani the truthukweli of its pastzilizopita,
194
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3867
Kama taifa, Afrika Kusini walitaka
kuishi katika ukweli wa historia,
10:06
and to listen to the detailsmaelezo
of its historyhistoria.
195
594927
2403
na kuwasikiliza maelezo ya historia yake.
10:10
KnowingKujua this only magnifiedmagnified the effectathari
that CapeCape TownMji had on us.
196
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3749
Kujua hii tu, athari ya Cape Town iliongezeka kwetu .
10:16
Over the coursebila shaka of this weekwiki,
197
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1462
Katika kipindi cha wiki hio,
10:17
we literallyhalisi spokealizungumza
our life storieshadithi to eachkila mmoja other,
198
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2890
tulisimuliana hadithi ya maisha yetu kwa kila mmoja,
kuanzia manzo hai mwisho.
10:20
from startkuanza to finishkumaliza.
199
608406
1590
10:23
And this was about analyzingkuchambua
our ownmwenyewe historyhistoria.
200
611305
2500
Na kuchambua historia yetu wenyewe.
10:27
We followedikifuatiwa a strictkali policysera
of beingkuwa honestwaaminifu,
201
615568
2833
Tulifuata sera kali ya kuwa wakweli,
10:30
and this alsopia camealikuja
with a certainfulani exposureyatokanayo,
202
618425
2925
hii ilimaanisha kujiweka wazi,
10:33
an open-chestedFungua wako vulnerabilityhatari.
203
621374
1906
uwazi kuhusu kasoro na mapungufu yetu.
10:36
There were guttingukiliteketeza confessionsushahidi,
204
624312
2127
Kulikuwa na kukiri,
10:38
and momentswakati where we just
absolutelykabisa couldn'thaikuweza fathomfathom
205
626463
2824
na wakati ambapo sote hatukuweza kudhania kabisa
10:41
the other person'smtu experienceuzoefu.
206
629311
1808
maaumivu ya mwingine.
10:44
The seismicseismic effectsathari of sexualngono violencevurugu
were spokenamesema aloudkwa sauti and feltwalihisi,
207
632258
4894
Madhara ya ukatili wa kijinsia
yalisemwa kwa sauti na hisia,
10:49
faceuso to faceuso.
208
637176
1330
uso kwa uso.
10:51
At other timesnyakati, thoughingawa,
209
639979
1503
Wakati mwingine,
10:53
we foundkupatikana a soaringnyakati za kale clarityuwazi,
210
641506
2634
tuligundua ubayana uliyongezeka,
10:57
and even some totallykabisa unexpectedzisizotarajiwa
but liberatingkutolewa laughterkicheko.
211
645164
4400
na hata vicheko visivyotarajiwa
lakini vilitukomboa .
11:03
When it camealikuja down to it,
212
651250
1530
Ki ukweli,
11:04
we did out bestbora to listen
to eachkila mmoja other intentlymakini.
213
652804
3628
tulijitahidi kusikilizana kwa makini.
11:09
And our individualmtu binafsi realitieshali halisi
were airedkurushwa hewani with an unfilteredUnfiltered purityusafi
214
657404
5841
Na hali halisi yetu binafsi ziliwasilihwa kwa uhalisia wake
11:15
that couldn'thaikuweza do any lesschini
than lightenuzito the soulnafsi.
215
663269
2376
kwamba hatukuweza kufanya lolote
kuliko kurahisha uzito wa nafsi.
11:20
TETE: WantingKutaka to take revengekulipiza kisasi
is a very humanbinadamu emotionhisia --
216
668508
4045
TE: Kutaka kulipiza kisasi
ni hisia ya kawaida kama binadamu --
11:24
instinctualinstinctual, even.
217
672577
1638
ya kiasili, hata.
11:26
And all I wanted to do for yearsmiaka
218
674829
2011
Nilichotaka kufanya kwa miaka yote
11:28
was to hurtkuumiza TomTom back as deeplykwa undani
as he had hurtkuumiza me.
219
676864
3969
ni kumdhuru Tom kama alivyoniumiza.
11:33
But had I not foundkupatikana a way
out of the hatredchuki and angerhasira,
220
681658
3053
Lakini sikupata njia ya kutoa chuki na hasira yangu,
11:36
I'm not sure I'd be standingmsimamo here todayleo.
221
684735
2165
sina hakika kama ningekuwa nasimama hapa leo.
11:40
That isn't to say that I didn't have
my doubtsmashaka alongkando the way.
222
688058
3927
Hivyo siyo kusema kwamba sikuwa na mashaka yangu njiani.
11:44
When the planendege bouncedbounced
on that landingkutua stripmstari in CapeCape TownMji,
223
692689
3661
Ndege ilipotua Cape Town,
11:48
I rememberkumbuka thinkingkufikiri,
224
696374
1603
Nakumbuka kufikiri,
11:50
"Why did I not just get myselfMimi mwenyewe
a therapistMtaalamu and a bottlechupa of vodkavodka
225
698001
4206
"Kwa nini sikujipatia mtaalamu na chupa ya vodka
11:54
like a normalkawaida personmtu would do?"
226
702231
2216
kama mtu wa kawaida? "
11:56
(LaughterKicheko)
227
704471
2920
(Vicheko)
11:59
At timesnyakati, our searchtafuta
for understandinguelewa in CapeCape TownMji
228
707415
3205
Wakati mwingine, utafiti wetu
wa uelewa Cape Town
12:02
feltwalihisi like an impossiblehaiwezekani questjitihada,
229
710644
2167
ulionekana kama jitihada isiyowezekana,
12:04
and all I wanted to do was to give up
230
712835
2099
na nilitaka kukata tu tamaa
12:06
and go home to my lovingupendo
husbandmume, VidirVidir,
231
714958
2216
na kurudi nyumbani kwa mume wangu mpenzi, Vidir,
12:09
and our sonmwana.
232
717198
1211
na mtoto wetu.
12:11
But despitelicha ya our difficultiesmatatizo,
233
719994
2363
Lakini licha ya matatizo yetu,
12:14
this journeysafari did resultmatokeo
in a victoriouswashindi feelinghisia
234
722381
4628
safari hii ilileta hisia ya ushindi
12:19
that lightmwanga had triumphedalishinda over darknessgiza,
235
727033
3133
kwamba mwanga umeshinda giza,
12:22
that something constructivekujenga
could be builtkujengwa out of the ruinsmagofu.
236
730812
4312
kwamba kitu chema kinaweza kujengwa kutoka kwa magofu.
12:28
I readsoma somewheremahali fulani
237
736572
1325
Nilisoma mahali fulani
12:29
that you should try and be the personmtu
that you neededinahitajika when you were youngermdogo.
238
737921
3861
kwamba unapaswa kujaribu na kuwa mtu uliyehitaji ulipokuwa mtoto.
12:33
And back when I was a teenagerkijana,
239
741806
1584
Na nilipokuwa kijana,
12:35
I would have neededinahitajika to know
that the shameaibu wasn'thaikuwa minemgodi,
240
743414
3848
Ningependa kujua kwamba aibu haikuwa yangu,
12:39
that there's hopetumaini after rapekubaka,
241
747286
2514
kwamba kuna matumaini baada ya kubakwa,
12:41
that you can even find happinessfuraha,
242
749824
1595
kwamba unaweza hata kupata furaha,
12:43
like I sharekushiriki with my husbandmume todayleo.
243
751443
1890
kama niliyonayo na mume wangu leo.
12:45
WhichAmbayo is why I startedilianza writingkuandika feverishlyfeverishly
uponjuu my returnkurudi from CapeCape TownMji,
244
753861
4355
Ndiyo maana niliaanza kuandika niliporudi kutoka Cape Town,
12:50
resultingkusababisha in a bookkitabu co-authoredushirikiano iliyoandikwa by TomTom,
245
758240
2724
kitabu na mwandishi mwenzangu Tom,
12:52
that we hopetumaini can be of use
to people from bothwote wawili endshuisha
246
760988
3185
kwamba tuna imani kinaweza kuwa msaada kwa pande zote mbili,
12:56
of the perpetrator-survivormkosaji-aliyenusurika scalekiwango.
247
764197
2304
aliyetendwa na kutenda.
12:59
If nothing elsemwingine,
248
767180
1454
Vinginevyo,
13:00
it's a storyhadithi that we would'veJe nimekuwa neededinahitajika
to hearkusikia when we were youngermdogo.
249
768658
4135
ni hadithi tulipaswa kusikia tulipokuwa vijana.
13:06
GivenKupewa the natureasili of our storyhadithi,
250
774726
1821
Kutokana na hali ya hadithi yetu,
13:08
I know the wordsmaneno
that inevitablybila shaka accompanyyanaambatana na it --
251
776571
2776
Najua maneno ambayo huambatana nayo -
13:11
victimmwathirika, rapistMbakaji --
252
779933
2556
muathirika, mbakaji --
13:14
and labelsLebo are a way to organizekupanga conceptsdhana,
253
782513
2255
na majina yanayotumika kuapanga dhana,
13:16
but they can alsopia be dehumanizingkudanganya
in theirwao connotationsmaelezo.
254
784792
4382
lakini wanaweza pia huvua utu katika vidokezo yanavyomaanisha.
13:21
OnceMara moja someone'smtu been deemedimeonekana a victimmwathirika,
255
789838
2100
Mtu anapoonyeshwa kama muathirika,
13:23
it's that much easierrahisi to filefaili them away
as someonemtu damagedkuharibiwa,
256
791962
5233
ni rahisi sana kumpuuza kama bidhaa mbovu,
13:29
dishonoredkumheshimu,
257
797219
1506
fedheha,
13:30
lesschini than.
258
798749
1275
isiyo na thamani.
13:32
And likewisevivyo hivyo, oncemara moja someonemtu
has been brandedasili a rapistMbakaji,
259
800643
2720
Na vivyo hivyo, mara moja mtu
anapoitwa mbakaji,
13:35
it's that much easierrahisi
to call him a monstermonster --
260
803387
2546
ni rahisi zaidi kumuita zimwi -
13:38
inhumankinyama.
261
806576
1299
mnyama.
13:40
But how will we understandkuelewa
what it is in humanbinadamu societiesjamii
262
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3031
Lakini ni jinsi gani tutaelewa
nini katika jamii
13:43
that produceshutoa violencevurugu
263
811669
1581
kinazalisha ukatili
13:45
if we refusekukataa to recognizekutambua
the humanityubinadamu of those who commitfanya it?
264
813274
4479
kama sisi kunataa kutambua
utu katika wale wanaoufanya?
13:50
And how --
265
818534
1164

Na jinsi -
13:51
(ApplauseMakofi)
266
819722
2179
(Makofi)
13:53
And how can we empowerkuwawezesha survivorswaathirika
if we're makingkufanya them feel lesschini than?
267
821925
5368
Na tunawezaje kuwawezesha waliopitia taabu kama hatuwathamini?
14:00
How can we discusskujadili solutionsufumbuzi
to one of the biggestkubwa threatsvitisho vya
268
828072
3427
Jinsi gani tunaweza kujadili ufumbuzi
kwa moja ya vitisho kubwa
14:03
to the livesanaishi of womenwanawake and childrenwatoto
around the worldulimwengu,
269
831523
3274
katika maisha ya wanawake na watoto
duniani kote,
14:06
if the very wordsmaneno we use
are partsehemu of the problemtatizo?
270
834821
3823
kama majina tunayotumia
ni sehemu ya tatizo?
14:13
TSTS: From what I've now learntkujifunza,
271
841786
2492
TS: Nilichojifunza,
14:16
my actionsVitendo that night in 1996
were a self-centeredkujipendelea yeye mwenyewe takingkuchukua.
272
844302
4573
matendo yangu usiku ule mwaka 1996
yalikuwa ya kibinafsi.
14:22
I feltwalihisi deservingtunaostahili of Thordis'sWa Thordis bodymwili.
273
850028
2123
Nilijisikia kustahili mwili wa Thordis.
14:25
I've had primarilykimsingi positivechanya
socialkijamii influencesushawishi
274
853743
2865
Nilikuwa na misingi mizuri katika malezi na kijamii
14:28
and examplesmifano of equitableusawa
behaviortabia around me.
275
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na mifano ya tabia usawa.
14:31
But on that occasiontukio,
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Lakini katika tukio hilo,
14:33
I chosealichagua to drawkuteka uponjuu the negativehasi oneswale.
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Nilichagua kufuata mifano mibaya.
14:35
The oneswale that see womenwanawake
as havingkuwa na lesschini intrinsicndani worththamani,
278
863716
2896
Ambayo wanawake walikuwa na thamani
ya chini ,
14:39
and of menwatu havingkuwa na some unspokenunspoken
and symbolicishara claimkudai to theirwao bodiesmiili.
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na wanaume wana hati juu ya miili yao.
14:45
These influencesushawishi I speaksema of
are externalnje to me, thoughingawa.
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Misukumo hii ilitokea nje kwangu.
14:49
And it was only me in that roomchumba
makingkufanya choicesuchaguzi,
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2781
Ilikuwa mimi pekee katika chumba nifanya maamuzi,
14:52
nobodyhakuna elsemwingine.
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hakuna mtu mwingine.
14:54
When you ownmwenyewe something
283
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1785
Unapokiri kosa
14:56
and really squaremraba up to your culpabilityuamuziwa,
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na kweli kuchukua hatia kwa matendo yako,
15:00
I do think a surprisingajabu thing can happenkutokea.
285
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ninaamini mambo ya kushangaza yanaweza kutokea.
15:03
It's what I call a paradoxkitendawili of ownershipumiliki.
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2307
Hiko nachoita kitendawili cha umiliki.
15:06
I thought I'd bucklebuckle
underchini the weightuzito of responsibilitywajibu.
287
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Nilidhani ningeelemewa na uzito wa wajibu.
15:10
I thought my certificatecheti
of humanityubinadamu would be burntkuteketezwa.
288
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Nilidhani cheti changu
cha ubinadamu kingechomwa moto.
15:14
InsteadBadala yake, I was offeredinayotolewa
to really ownmwenyewe what I did,
289
902476
3746
Badala yake, nilipewa umiliki wa makosa yangu,
15:19
and foundkupatikana that it didn't possesswamiliki
the entiretyukamilifu of who I am.
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na kutambua kwamba haikumiliki ukamilifu wa mimi ni nani.
15:23
Put simplytu,
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Kurahisisha,
15:24
something you've donekufanyika doesn't have
to constituteyanajumuisha the sumjumla of who you are.
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kitendo ulichofanya haliwezi kuwa Jumla ya nafsi na utu wako.
15:30
The noisekelele in my headkichwa abatedikapungua.
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Sauti katika kichwa changu zilikoma.
15:32
The indulgentanayejiingiza self-pitykujionea
was starvednjaa of oxygenoksijeni,
294
920951
4028
Anasa ya kujihurumia iliyokuwa imekosa oksijeni,
15:37
and it was replacedkubadilishwa
with the cleansafi airhewa of acceptancekukubalika --
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925003
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na kubadilishwa
na hewa safi ya kukubalika -
15:42
an acceptancekukubalika that I did hurtkuumiza
this wonderfulajabu personmtu standingmsimamo nextijayo to me;
296
930658
4284
kukubalika kwamba nilimdhuru binadamu huyu wa ajabu anayesimama karibu na mimi;
15:46
an acceptancekukubalika that I am partsehemu of a largekubwa
and shockinglyshockingly everydaykila siku groupingKukundisha of menwatu
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5599
kukubalika kwamba mimi ni sehemu ya kundi kubwa la kutisha la wanaume
15:52
who have been sexuallyngono violentvurugu
towardkuelekea theirwao partnerswashirika.
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ambao wamekuwa wakatili kwa wapenzi wao.
15:56
Don't underestimateusipendeze the powernguvu of wordsmaneno.
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2409
Usidharau nguvu ya maneno.
16:00
SayingAkisema to ThordisThordis that I rapedalibakwa her
changediliyopita my accordmkataba with myselfMimi mwenyewe,
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948372
4641
Kutubu kwa Thordis kwamba nilimbaka
ilibadili hiari yangu na mimi mwenyewe,
16:05
as well as with her.
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1260
na pia na yeye.
16:07
But mostwengi importantlymuhimu,
302
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1472
Lakini muhimu zaidi,
16:09
the blamelawama transferredkuhamishwa from ThordisThordis to me.
303
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3076
lawama ilhamishwa kutoka kwa Thordis kwangu.
16:13
FarMbali too oftenmara nyingi,
304
961331
1151
Mara nyingi mno,
16:14
the responsibilitywajibu is attributedkuhusishwa
to femalekike survivorswaathirika of sexualngono violencevurugu,
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962506
4584
wajibu ni ulitokana
kwa waathirika wa kike wa ukatili wa kijinsia,
16:19
and not to the maleswanaume who enactkutunga it.
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2511
na si kwa wanaume ambao kutunga yake.
16:22
FarMbali too oftenmara nyingi,
307
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1150
Mara nyingi mno,
16:23
the denialkukataa and runningKimbia leavesmajani all partiesvyama
at a great distanceumbali from the truthukweli.
308
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5082
kuukana ukweli huwaacha wahusika mbali na ukweli.
16:30
There's definitelydhahiri a publicumma
conversationmazungumzo happeningkinachotokea now,
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2780
Kuna mazungumzo katika umma sasa,
16:34
and like a lot of people,
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2179
na kama watu wengi,
16:36
we're heartenedheartened
that there's lesschini retreatingwakiondoka
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2590
tuna imanishwa na hamasa ndogo
16:39
from this difficultvigumu
but importantmuhimu discussionmajadiliano.
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2720
kwa majadiliano haya magumu
lakini muhimu.
16:43
I feel a realhalisi responsibilitywajibu
to addongeza our voicessauti to it.
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3638
Ninasikia wajibu kuongeza sauti zetu.
16:50
TETE: What we did is not a formulaformula
that we're prescribingprescribing for otherswengine.
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4659
TE: Tulichofanya sio formula tunayopendekeza kwa wengine.
16:55
NobodyHakuna has the right to tell anyoneyeyote elsemwingine
how to handlekushughulikia theirwao deepestkina zaidi painmaumivu
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5533
Hakuna mtu ana haki ya kuwaambia mtu mwingine namna ya kushughulikia maumivu yao
17:00
or theirwao greatestkubwa zaidi errorkosa.
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1745
au kosa lao mkuu.
17:03
BreakingKuvunja your silencekimya is never easyrahisi,
317
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2351
Kuvunja ukimya yako si rahisi kamwe,
17:05
and dependingkutegemea on where
you are in the worldulimwengu,
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2214
na kutegemea ni wapi katika dunia ulipo,
17:07
it can even be deadlymauti
to speaksema out about rapekubaka.
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3212
inaweza hata kuwa ni kifo
kuzungumzia kuhusu ubakaji.
17:12
I realizekutambua that even the mostwengi
traumaticmshtuko eventtukio of my life
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4066
Nimetambua hata tukio baya la maisha yangu,
17:16
is still a testamentagano to my privilegeupendeleo,
321
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2759
bado ni ushahidi wa upendeleo kwangu,
17:18
because I can talk about it
withoutbila gettingkupata ostracizedaliyechukiwa,
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3230
kwa sababu naweza kuzugumzia bila hofu ya unyanyapaa
17:22
or even killedaliuawa.
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1348
au hata kuuawa.
17:24
But with that privilegeupendeleo of havingkuwa na a voicesauti
324
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2929
Lakini pamoja na upendeleo wa kuwa na sauti
17:27
comesinakuja the responsibilitywajibu of usingkutumia it.
325
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2858
huja wajibu wa kuitumia.
17:30
That's the leastangalau I owedeni
my fellowwenzake survivorswaathirika who can't.
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4530
Hiyo ni angalau mimi deni
langu kwa wenzangu wasiyoweza.
17:36
The storyhadithi we'vetumekuwa just relayedilivyopokolewa is uniquekipekee,
327
1044841
3066
hadithi tuliyowasilisha ni ya kipekee,
17:39
and yetbado it is so commonkawaida with sexualngono
violencevurugu beingkuwa a globalkimataifa pandemicjanga.
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4666
na bado ni ukatili wa kijinsia ni janga la kimataifa.
17:44
But it doesn't have to be that way.
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2405
Lakini haifai kuwa njia hivyo.
17:47
One of the things that I foundkupatikana usefulmuhimu
on my ownmwenyewe healingkuponya journeysafari
330
1055741
3016
Moja ya mambo nimeona muhimu
katika safari yangu ya uponyaji
17:50
is educatingkuelimisha myselfMimi mwenyewe about sexualngono violencevurugu.
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2648
ni kujielimisha kuhusu ukatili wa kijinsia.
17:53
And as a resultmatokeo,
I've been readingkusoma, writingkuandika
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2414
Na matokeo yake,
Nimekuwa nikisoma, kuandika
17:55
and speakingakizungumza about this issuesuala
for over a decademiaka kumi now,
333
1063891
2653
na kuzungumzia suala hili kwa zaidi ya muongo mmoja sasa,
17:58
going to conferencesmikutano around the worldulimwengu.
334
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2552
kwenda katika makongamano duniani kote.
18:01
And in my experienceuzoefu,
335
1069144
1979
Katika uzoefu wangu,
18:03
the attendeeswaliohudhuria of suchvile eventsmatukio
are almostkaribu exclusivelypeke yake womenwanawake.
336
1071147
4631
wanaohudhuria mijadala hayo
ni karibia wanawake pekee.
18:09
But it's about time that we stop treatingkutibu
sexualngono violencevurugu as a women'swanawake issuesuala.
337
1077013
6616
Lakini ni wakati tuache kuona
unyanyasaji wa kijinsia kama ya tatizo la wanawake tu.
18:15
(ApplauseMakofi)
338
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5447
(Makofi)
18:29
A majoritywengi of sexualngono violencevurugu
againstdhidi womenwanawake and menwatu
339
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4044
Ukatili wa kijinsia dhidi ya wanawake na wanaume
18:33
is perpetratedunaofanywa by menwatu.
340
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unaofanywa na wanaume.
18:35
And yetbado theirwao voicessauti are sorelyhabari
underrepresentedunderrepresented in this discussionmajadiliano.
341
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Na bado sauti zao haziwakilishwi ipasavyo katika mjadala huu.
18:40
But all of us are neededinahitajika here.
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3901
Lakini sisi sote tunahitajika hapa.
18:45
Just imaginefikiria all the sufferingmateso
we could alleviatekupunguza
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3885
Fikiria mateso tunaweza kupunguza
18:49
if we daredalishangaa to faceuso this issuesuala togetherpamoja.
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kama sisi alijitokeza uso suala hili kwa pamoja.
18:54
Thank you.
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Asanteni.
18:56
(ApplauseMakofi)
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(Makofi)
Translated by Sophy Mwema
Reviewed by Joachim Mangilima

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ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Thordis Elva - Writer
Thordis Elva is one of the two authors of "South of Forgiveness," a unique collaboration between a survivor and perpetrator of rape.

Why you should listen

Thordis Elva is a firm believer in the healing potential of dialogue when it comes to ending the silence that shrouds sexual violence. In 2015, she was voted Woman of the Year in her native Iceland due to her tireless campaigning for gender equality.

As an award-winning writer, journalist and public speaker, Elva has utilized many different platforms for her activism, including plays, films and books. Her passion for equality extends to the internet, and she has toured extensively giving lectures about online bullying, non-consensual pornography and digital human rights to audiences such as the United Nations and the Nordic Council of Ministers.

Read a Q&A with Elva about her TED Talk on the TED Blog

More profile about the speaker
Thordis Elva | Speaker | TED.com
Tom Stranger - Co-author, landscape gardener
Tom Stranger is the co-author "South of Forgiveness."

Why you should listen

Social sciences and the outdoors have been both professional directions and personal themes for Tom Stranger. After studying social science and working in outdoor recreation, Tom Stranger's focus shifted towards working with young people with complex needs -- mental health challenges, substance addiction, homelessness and neurological impairment. His time working with young people has taught him the immense value of listening with intent.

Stranger has recently completed and thoroughly enjoyed a Master of Cultural Studies at the University of Sydney, and he has returned to work in the outdoors as a landscaper. During his studies, he was involved as a co-author in the writing of South of Forgiveness. He and the book's primary author, Thordis Elva, share the hope that in speaking up they will add their voices to the ever-growing public discourse around relations of gender and sexual violence.

Read a Q&A with Stranger about his TED Talk on the TED Blog.

More profile about the speaker
Tom Stranger | Speaker | TED.com