TEDWomen 2016
Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger: Our story of rape and reconciliation
Thordis Elva, Tom Stranger: A nosa historia de violación e reconciliación.
Filmed:
Readability: 4.4
5,570,439 views
En 1996, Thordis Elva compartiu un romance adolescente con Tom Stranger, un estudante de intercambio de Australia. Despois dun baile de instituto, Tom violou a Thordis, tralo que os seus camiños se separaron durante anos. Nesta extraordinaria Charla, Elva e Stranger navegan a través de anos de vergoña e silencio, e invítannos a conversar sobre o tema global e omnipresente da violencia sexual dun xeito novo e honesto. Para un coloquio cos conferenciantes, visitade go.ted.com/thordisandtom.
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
[This talk contains graphic language
and descriptions of sexual violence
and descriptions of sexual violence
0
23
3441
[Esta charla contén linguaxe gráfica e
descricións de violencia sexual.
descricións de violencia sexual.
00:15
Viewer discretion is advised]
1
3488
1381
Recoméndase a discreción do espectador]
00:16
Tom Stranger: In 1996,
when I was 18 years old,
when I was 18 years old,
2
4893
2956
Tom Stranger: en 1996,
cando tiña 18 años,
cando tiña 18 años,
00:19
I had the golden opportunity to go
on an international exchange program.
on an international exchange program.
3
7873
3607
tiven a oportunidade de ouro de entrar
nun programa de intercambio internacional.
nun programa de intercambio internacional.
00:24
Ironically I'm an Australian
who prefers proper icy cold weather,
who prefers proper icy cold weather,
4
12071
3721
Ironicamente, son un australiano que
prefire climas fríos e xélidos,
prefire climas fríos e xélidos,
00:27
so I was both excited and tearful
when I got on a plane to Iceland,
when I got on a plane to Iceland,
5
15816
4859
así que estaba emocionado e ao mesmo tempo
triste cando tomei un avión a Islandia,
triste cando tomei un avión a Islandia,
00:32
after just having farewelled
my parents and brothers goodbye.
my parents and brothers goodbye.
6
20699
3223
xusto despois de me despedir dos
meus pais e irmáns.
meus pais e irmáns.
00:36
I was welcomed into the home
of a beautiful Icelandic family
of a beautiful Icelandic family
7
24853
3055
Fun benvido na casa dunha marabillosa
familia islandesa
familia islandesa
00:39
who took me hiking,
8
27932
1401
que me levou de excursión
00:41
and helped me get a grasp
of the melodic Icelandic language.
of the melodic Icelandic language.
9
29357
3091
e me axudou a comprender a melódica
lingua islandesa.
lingua islandesa.
00:45
I struggled a bit with the initial
period of homesickness.
period of homesickness.
10
33213
2988
Tiven que afacerme un pouco ao período
inicial de morriña.
inicial de morriña.
00:48
I snowboarded after school,
11
36225
1998
Facía snowboard despois da escola,
00:50
and I slept a lot.
12
38247
1363
e dormía moito.
00:52
Two hours of chemistry class in a language
that you don't yet fully understand
that you don't yet fully understand
13
40480
3938
Dúas horas de química nunha lingua que
aínda non entendes completamente
aínda non entendes completamente
00:56
can be a pretty good sedative.
14
44442
1782
pode ser un bo sedante.
00:58
(Laughter)
15
46248
1150
(Risas)
01:00
My teacher recommended
I try out for the school play,
I try out for the school play,
16
48636
2524
O profesor recomendoume facer a proba
para a obra de teatro da escola,
para a obra de teatro da escola,
01:03
just to get me a bit more socially active.
17
51184
2330
para que así fose un pouco máis activo
socialmente.
socialmente.
01:06
It turns out I didn't end up
being part of the play,
being part of the play,
18
54094
2501
Resultou que finalmente non
formei parte da obra,
formei parte da obra,
01:08
but through it I met Thordis.
19
56619
1907
mais a través dela coñecín a Thordis.
01:11
We shared a lovely teenage romance,
20
59451
2063
Compartimos un fermoso romance
adolescente,
adolescente,
01:13
and we'd meet at lunchtimes
to just hold hands
to just hold hands
21
61538
2494
e quedabamos á hora da comida
só para collernos das mans
só para collernos das mans
01:16
and walk around old downtown Reykjavík.
22
64056
2146
e camiñar polo vello centro de Reykjavík.
01:18
I met her welcoming family,
and she met my friends.
and she met my friends.
23
66655
3262
Eu coñecín a súa encantadora familia,
e ela coñeceu os meus amigos.
e ela coñeceu os meus amigos.
01:22
We'd been in a budding relationship
for a bit over a month
for a bit over a month
24
70675
2774
Levabamos saíndo por algo máis
dun mes
dun mes
01:25
when our school's Christmas Ball was held.
25
73473
2247
cando se celebrou o baile de Nadal.
01:30
Thordis Elva: I was 16
and in love for the first time.
and in love for the first time.
26
78052
3284
Thordis Elva: tiña 16 e estaba
namorada por primeira vez.
namorada por primeira vez.
01:33
Going together to the Christmas dance
27
81797
1797
Ir xuntos ao baile de Nadal
01:35
was a public confirmation
of our relationship,
of our relationship,
28
83618
2797
era a confirmación pública da nosa
relación,
relación,
01:38
and I felt like the luckiest
girl in the world.
girl in the world.
29
86439
2967
e sentinme coma a moza con
máis sorte do mundo.
máis sorte do mundo.
01:41
No longer a child, but a young woman.
30
89430
2577
Non era xa unha nena, senón
unha muller.
unha muller.
01:44
High on my newfound maturity,
31
92730
1913
Emocionada na miña nova e descuberta
madurez,
madurez,
01:46
I felt it was only natural to try drinking
rum for the first time that night, too.
rum for the first time that night, too.
32
94667
4360
pensei que sería natural probar
ron por primeira vez aquela noite.
ron por primeira vez aquela noite.
01:51
That was a bad idea.
33
99496
2062
Foi unha mala idea.
01:53
I became very ill,
34
101582
1488
Púxenme moi mal,
01:55
drifting in and out of consciousness
35
103094
1820
vagando entre a consciencia e a
inconsciencia
inconsciencia
01:56
in between spasms of convulsive vomiting.
36
104938
3125
entre espasmos e convulsións, vomitando.
02:00
The security guards wanted
to call me an ambulance,
to call me an ambulance,
37
108087
2964
Os gardas de seguridade quixeron
pedirme unha ambulancia,
pedirme unha ambulancia,
02:03
but Tom acted as my knight
in shining armor,
in shining armor,
38
111075
2989
mais Tom actuou como o meu cabaleiro
de brillante armadura,
de brillante armadura,
02:06
and told them he'd take me home.
39
114088
2035
e díxolles que me levaría el a casa.
02:08
It was like a fairy tale,
40
116782
1701
Foi coma un conto,
02:10
his strong arms around me,
41
118507
1776
os seus fortes brazos rodeándome,
02:12
laying me in the safety of my bed.
42
120307
2291
deitándome na seguridade da miña cama.
02:15
But the gratitude that I felt
towards him soon turned to horror
towards him soon turned to horror
43
123602
4527
Porén a gratitude que lle profesaba
rapidamente tornouse en horror
rapidamente tornouse en horror
02:20
as he proceeded to take off my clothes
and get on top of me.
and get on top of me.
44
128153
4458
cando procedeu a quitarme
a roupa e poñerse sobre min.
a roupa e poñerse sobre min.
02:25
My head had cleared up,
45
133457
1336
De súpeto sentín a cabeza
despexada,
despexada,
02:26
but my body was still
too weak to fight back,
too weak to fight back,
46
134817
3127
mais o meu corpo estaba aínda
moi débil para opoñerse,
moi débil para opoñerse,
02:29
and the pain was blinding.
47
137968
2334
e a dor era insoportable.
02:32
I thought I'd be severed in two.
48
140765
2083
Pensei que ía rachar en dúas.
02:35
In order to stay sane,
49
143804
1575
Para me manter lúcida,
02:37
I silently counted the seconds
on my alarm clock.
on my alarm clock.
50
145403
3274
contei en silencio os segundos no
meu espertador.
meu espertador.
02:41
And ever since that night,
51
149622
1735
E desde esa noite,
02:43
I've known that there are 7,200
seconds in two hours.
seconds in two hours.
52
151381
5774
souben que hai 7,200
segundos en dúas horas.
segundos en dúas horas.
02:51
Despite limping for days
and crying for weeks,
and crying for weeks,
53
159140
3238
A pesar de coxear durante días e
chorar por semanas,
chorar por semanas,
02:54
this incident didn't fit my ideas
about rape like I'd seen on TV.
about rape like I'd seen on TV.
54
162402
4406
este incidente non encaixaba na idea de
violación que eu observara na televisión.
violación que eu observara na televisión.
02:59
Tom wasn't an armed lunatic;
55
167361
2021
Tom non era un lunático armado;
03:01
he was my boyfriend.
56
169406
1763
era o meu noivo.
03:03
And it didn't happen in a seedy alleyway,
57
171193
2609
E non ocorrera nunha sórdida canella,
03:05
it happened in my own bed.
58
173826
2061
sucedeu na miña propia cama.
03:08
By the time I could identify
what had happened to me as rape,
what had happened to me as rape,
59
176733
3619
Para cando puiden recoñecer que fora
violada
violada
03:12
he had completed his exchange program
60
180376
1991
el xa completara o programa de
intercambio
intercambio
03:14
and left for Australia.
61
182391
1555
e regresara a Australia.
03:16
So I told myself it was pointless
to address what had happened.
to address what had happened.
62
184532
3643
Así que me dixen que non tiña sentido
abordar o sucedido.
abordar o sucedido.
03:20
And besides,
63
188199
1185
E ademais,
03:21
it had to have been my fault, somehow.
64
189408
2595
tivo que ser pola miña culpa, de
algún xeito.
algún xeito.
03:24
I was raised in a world
where girls are taught
where girls are taught
65
192685
2305
Crecín nun mundo no que
se lles ensina ás nenas
se lles ensina ás nenas
03:27
that they get raped for a reason.
66
195014
2162
que son violadas por un motivo.
03:29
Their skirt was too short,
67
197784
2565
A súa saia era moi curta,
03:32
their smile was too wide,
68
200373
2494
sorría moito,
03:34
their breath smelled of alcohol.
69
202891
2418
o seu alento cheiraba a alcohol.
03:38
And I was guilty of all of those things,
70
206017
2766
E eu era culpable de todas aquelas cousas,
03:40
so the shame had to be mine.
71
208807
2050
de xeito que era eu quen debía sentir
vergoña.
vergoña.
03:43
It took me years to realize
72
211675
1424
Tardei anos en comprender
03:45
that only one thing could have stopped me
from being raped that night,
from being raped that night,
73
213123
3911
que só unha cousa puido ter evitado
que fose violada aquela noite,
que fose violada aquela noite,
03:49
and it wasn't my skirt,
74
217058
2142
e non foi a miña saia,
03:51
it wasn't my smile,
75
219224
1950
nin o meu sorriso,
03:53
it wasn't my childish trust.
76
221198
2196
non foi a miña infantil confianza.
03:55
The only thing that could've stopped me
from being raped that night
from being raped that night
77
223832
3734
O único que puido evitar que fose
violada aquela noite
violada aquela noite
03:59
is the man who raped me --
78
227590
2050
foi o home que me violou --
04:01
had he stopped himself.
79
229664
2013
se se detivese.
04:04
TS: I have vague memories of the next day:
80
232729
2111
TS: teño poucos recordos do día seguinte:
04:07
the after effects of drinking,
81
235716
2314
os efectos secundarios do alcohol,
04:10
a certain hollowness
that I tried to stifle.
that I tried to stifle.
82
238054
2789
un certo baleiro
que tratei de sufocar.
que tratei de sufocar.
04:13
Nothing more.
83
241631
1214
Nada máis.
04:15
But I didn't show up at Thordis's door.
84
243745
2291
Porén non me presentei na
porta de Thordis.
porta de Thordis.
04:19
It is important to now state
85
247409
1806
É importante agora establecer
04:21
that I didn't see my deed for what it was.
86
249239
2500
que eu non vira as miñas accións
como o que realmente eran.
como o que realmente eran.
04:24
The word "rape" didn't echo
around my mind as it should've,
around my mind as it should've,
87
252658
3048
A palabra "violación" non apareceu
na miña mente como debería,
na miña mente como debería,
04:28
and I wasn't crucifying myself
with memories of the night before.
with memories of the night before.
88
256639
3295
e non estaba a me crucificar polos
recordos da noite anterior.
recordos da noite anterior.
04:33
It wasn't so much a conscious refusal,
89
261524
2374
Non era tanto un rexeitamento consciente,
04:35
it was more like any acknowledgment
of reality was forbidden.
of reality was forbidden.
90
263922
3359
senón máis coma que calquera recoñecemento
da realidade estaba prohibido.
da realidade estaba prohibido.
04:40
My definition of my actions completely
refuted any recognition
refuted any recognition
91
268365
4114
A miña definición das miñas accións
desmentía calquera aceptación
desmentía calquera aceptación
04:44
of the immense trauma I caused Thordis.
92
272503
2277
do inmenso trauma que lle causei
a Thordis.
a Thordis.
04:48
To be honest,
93
276454
1403
Sendo sincero,
04:49
I repudiated the entire act
in the days afterwards
in the days afterwards
94
277881
4094
repudiei por enteiro a acción
nos días posteriores
nos días posteriores
04:54
and when I was committing it.
95
282758
1520
e cando estaba a cometela.
04:57
I disavowed the truth by convincing
myself it was sex and not rape.
myself it was sex and not rape.
96
285443
4509
Rexeitei a realidade ao convencerme
de que era sexo, non unha violación.
de que era sexo, non unha violación.
05:02
And this is a lie I've felt
spine-bending guilt for.
spine-bending guilt for.
97
290788
3866
E esta é unha mentira da cal sinto
unha enorme culpa.
unha enorme culpa.
05:08
I broke up with Thordis
a couple of days later,
a couple of days later,
98
296174
2247
Rompín con Thordis un
par de días despois,
par de días despois,
05:10
and then saw her a number of times
99
298445
1644
e logo vina unhas cantas veces
05:12
during the remainder
of my year in Iceland,
of my year in Iceland,
100
300113
2058
durante o resto do meu
ano en Islandia,
ano en Islandia,
05:14
feeling a sharp stab
of heavyheartedness each time.
of heavyheartedness each time.
101
302195
2893
sentindo cada unha desas veces
unha intensa punzada de aflición.
unha intensa punzada de aflición.
05:18
Deep down, I knew I'd done
something immeasurably wrong.
something immeasurably wrong.
102
306314
3962
No fondo, sabía que fixera algo
inmensamente mal.
inmensamente mal.
05:23
But without planning it,
I sunk the memories deep,
I sunk the memories deep,
103
311326
3023
Mais sen planealo,
afoguei eses recordos,
afoguei eses recordos,
05:26
and then I tied a rock to them.
104
314373
1781
e logo ateilles unha pedra.
05:30
What followed is a nine-year period
105
318215
1746
O que lle seguiu foi un período
de nove anos
de nove anos
05:31
that can best be titled
as "Denial and Running."
as "Denial and Running."
106
319985
3138
mellor chamado como
"Negación e Fuxida".
"Negación e Fuxida".
05:36
When I got a chance to identify
the real torment that I caused,
the real torment that I caused,
107
324010
4479
Cando tiven a oportunidade de identificar
o verdadeiro dano que causara,
o verdadeiro dano que causara,
05:40
I didn't stand still long enough to do so.
108
328513
2243
non fun quen de soportar o suficiente
como para facelo.
como para facelo.
05:44
Whether it be via distraction,
109
332102
2057
Xa fora por distracción,
05:46
substance use,
110
334183
1476
uso de substancias,
05:47
thrill-seeking
111
335683
1618
búsqueda de emocións fortes
05:49
or the scrupulous policing
of my inner speak,
of my inner speak,
112
337325
3349
ou o escrupuloso control da
miña voz interior,
miña voz interior,
05:52
I refused to be static and silent.
113
340698
2269
rexeitei ficar parado e en silencio.
05:56
And with this noise,
114
344927
1460
E con este ruído,
05:58
I also drew heavily
upon other parts of my life
upon other parts of my life
115
346411
2969
Tamén recorrín a outras facetas
da miña vida
da miña vida
06:01
to construct a picture of who I was.
116
349404
2171
para así construír unha imaxe
de quen era.
de quen era.
06:04
I was a surfer,
117
352636
1230
Era un surfista,
06:05
a social science student,
118
353890
1717
un estudante de ciencias sociais,
06:07
a friend to good people,
119
355631
2086
un bo amigo,
06:09
a loved brother and son,
120
357741
2258
un fillo e irmán querido,
06:12
an outdoor recreation guide,
121
360023
1552
un guía de actividades ao
aire libre,
aire libre,
06:13
and eventually, a youth worker.
122
361599
1563
e, finalmente, un traballador xuvenil.
06:16
I gripped tight to the simple notion
that I wasn't a bad person.
that I wasn't a bad person.
123
364119
4002
Aferreime á idea de que eu
non era unha mala persoa.
non era unha mala persoa.
06:21
I didn't think I had this in my bones.
124
369460
2080
Non pensei que levara isto no
sangue.
sangue.
06:24
I thought I was made up of something else.
125
372129
2070
Pensei que eu era distinto.
06:26
In my nurtured upbringing,
126
374608
1560
Na educación que recibín,
06:28
my loving extended family and role models,
127
376192
2346
a miña gran familia e modelos a seguir,
06:31
people close to me were warm and genuine
128
379586
1935
a xente próxima a min, eran sinceros
e amables
e amables
06:33
in their respect shown towards women.
129
381545
1895
no respecto que mostraban
cara ás mulleres.
cara ás mulleres.
06:36
It took me a long time to stare down
this dark corner of myself,
this dark corner of myself,
130
384717
4826
Levoume tempo sosterlle a mirada
a este oscuro recuncho meu,
a este oscuro recuncho meu,
06:41
and to ask it questions.
131
389567
1634
e facerlle preguntas.
06:46
TE: Nine years after the Christmas dance,
132
394231
1975
TE: Nove anos despois do baile
de Nadal,
de Nadal,
06:48
I was 25 years old,
133
396230
1481
eu tiña 25 anos,
06:49
and headed straight
for a nervous breakdown.
for a nervous breakdown.
134
397735
2567
e dirixíame directa cara a
un colapso nervioso.
un colapso nervioso.
06:53
My self-worth was buried
under a soul-crushing load of silence
under a soul-crushing load of silence
135
401098
3624
A miña autoestima estaba soterrada baixo
unha capa de silencio
unha capa de silencio
06:56
that isolated me from everyone
that I cared about,
that I cared about,
136
404746
3292
que me illaba de todo aquilo
que me importaba,
que me importaba,
07:00
and I was consumed
with misplaced hatred and anger
with misplaced hatred and anger
137
408062
2905
e eu estaba consumida por unha ira e
un odio que non me pertencían
un odio que non me pertencían
07:02
that I took out on myself.
138
410991
1764
e que pagaba conmigo mesma.
07:05
One day, I stormed out
of the door in tears
of the door in tears
139
413635
2610
Un día, saín pola porta
entre bágoas
entre bágoas
07:08
after a fight with a loved one,
140
416269
1943
tras unha discusión
cunha persoa querida,
cunha persoa querida,
07:10
and I wandered into a café,
141
418236
1699
e entrei nunha cafetería,
07:11
where I asked the waitress for a pen.
142
419959
2082
onde lle pedín un bolígrafo
a unha camareira.
a unha camareira.
07:14
I always had a notebook with me,
143
422648
1846
Sempre levaba unha
libreta comigo,
libreta comigo,
07:16
claiming that it was to jot down ideas
in moments of inspiration,
in moments of inspiration,
144
424518
3733
alegando que era para anotar ideas
en momentos de inspiración,
en momentos de inspiración,
07:20
but the truth was that I needed
to be constantly fidgeting,
to be constantly fidgeting,
145
428275
4230
mais a verdade era que eu necesitaba
estar en constante movemento,
estar en constante movemento,
07:24
because in moments of stillness,
146
432529
1887
porque en momentos de calma,
07:26
I found myself counting seconds again.
147
434440
2645
atopábame de novo contando
eses segundos.
eses segundos.
07:30
But that day, I watched in wonder
as the words streamed out of my pen,
as the words streamed out of my pen,
148
438071
5009
Porén, aquel día contemplei
abraiada como as palabras fluían do meu
abraiada como as palabras fluían do meu
07:35
forming the most pivotal letter
I've ever written,
I've ever written,
149
443104
3061
bolígrafo formando a carta máis
importante que xamais escribira,
importante que xamais escribira,
07:38
addressed to Tom.
150
446189
1534
dirixida a Tom.
07:40
Along with an account of the violence
that he subjected me to,
that he subjected me to,
151
448295
3540
Xunto cunha narración da violencia
á que me someteu,
á que me someteu,
07:43
the words, "I want to find forgiveness"
152
451859
3183
as palabras, "Quero atopar perdón"
07:47
stared back at me,
153
455066
1484
miráronme,
07:48
surprising nobody more than myself.
154
456574
2415
sorprendendo a ninguén máis
que a min mesma.
que a min mesma.
07:51
But deep down I realized that this
was my way out of my suffering,
was my way out of my suffering,
155
459580
4686
Agora ben, no fondo, eu dérame conta de
que este era a miña forma de saír do
que este era a miña forma de saír do
07:56
because regardless of whether or not
he deserved my forgiveness,
he deserved my forgiveness,
156
464290
4037
sufrimento, porque independentemente de se
el merecía ou non o meu perdón,
el merecía ou non o meu perdón,
08:00
I deserved peace.
157
468351
2486
eu merecía paz.
08:03
My era of shame was over.
158
471347
3000
A miña era de vergoña rematara.
08:08
Before sending the letter,
159
476172
1499
Antes de enviar a carta,
08:09
I prepared myself for all kinds
of negative responses,
of negative responses,
160
477695
2747
prepareime para todo tipo
de respostas negativas,
de respostas negativas,
08:12
or what I found likeliest:
no response whatsoever.
no response whatsoever.
161
480466
3747
ou para o que consideraba máis esperable:
ningunha resposta en absoluto.
ningunha resposta en absoluto.
08:17
The only outcome
that I didn't prepare myself for
that I didn't prepare myself for
162
485216
2747
O único resultado para o que non
me preparei
me preparei
08:19
was the one that I then got --
163
487987
2229
foi o que obtiven entón --
08:22
a typed confession from Tom,
full of disarming regret.
full of disarming regret.
164
490240
4911
unha confesión escrita de Tom,
cargada de sincero arrepentemento.
cargada de sincero arrepentemento.
08:27
As it turns out, he, too,
had been imprisoned by silence.
had been imprisoned by silence.
165
495618
4087
E resultou que el tamén estivera
aprisionado polo silencio.
aprisionado polo silencio.
08:32
And this marked the start
of an eight-year-long correspondence
of an eight-year-long correspondence
166
500354
4050
E isto marcou o inicio dunha
correspondencia de oito anos
correspondencia de oito anos
08:36
that God knows was never easy,
167
504428
2424
que Deus sabe nunca foi sinxela,
08:38
but always honest.
168
506876
2168
mais si honesta.
08:41
I relieved myself of the burdens
that I'd wrongfully shouldered,
that I'd wrongfully shouldered,
169
509717
3587
Eu libereime das cargas que inxustamente
levaba ás costas,
levaba ás costas,
08:45
and he, in turn, wholeheartedly
owned up to what he'd done.
owned up to what he'd done.
170
513328
3408
e el, en resposta, fíxose cargo do que
fixera con sinceridade.
fixera con sinceridade.
08:49
Our written exchanges became a platform
171
517415
2272
Os nosos intercambios escritos
convertéronse nunha plataforma
convertéronse nunha plataforma
08:51
to dissect the consequences of that night,
172
519711
2717
na que analizar as consecuencias
daquela noite,
daquela noite,
08:54
and they were everything
from gut-wrenching
from gut-wrenching
173
522452
2195
e foron de todo, desde incriblemente
dolorosos
dolorosos
08:56
to healing beyond words.
174
524671
2554
ata curar por medio das palabras.
08:59
And yet, it didn't bring about
closure for me.
closure for me.
175
527613
3936
E, con todo, para min non supuxo
un punto e final.
un punto e final.
09:04
Perhaps because the email format
didn't feel personal enough,
didn't feel personal enough,
176
532358
3482
Quizais porque o formato email
non o sentía suficientemente íntimo,
non o sentía suficientemente íntimo,
09:07
perhaps because it's easy to be brave
177
535864
1911
quizais porque é sinxelo ser valente
09:09
when you're hiding behind a computer
screen on the other side of the planet.
screen on the other side of the planet.
178
537799
4108
cando estas agochado tras unha pantalla
de ordenador na otra punta do planeta.
de ordenador na otra punta do planeta.
09:13
But we'd begun a dialogue
179
541931
1786
Mais comezáramos un diálogo
09:15
that I felt was necessary
to explore to its fullest.
to explore to its fullest.
180
543741
3766
que sentín que era necesario explorar
ata o fondo.
ata o fondo.
09:20
So, after eight years of writing,
181
548072
2065
Así que, despois de oito anos de
correspondencia,
correspondencia,
09:22
and nearly 16 years after that dire night,
182
550161
3706
e case 16 anos despois daquela
terrible noite,
terrible noite,
09:25
I mustered the courage
to propose a wild idea:
to propose a wild idea:
183
553891
3831
armeime de valor e
propuxen unha loucura:
propuxen unha loucura:
09:29
that we'd meet up in person
184
557746
1660
que nos coñecésemos en persoa
09:31
and face our past once and for all.
185
559430
2831
e afrontásemos o noso pasado dunha vez
por todas.
por todas.
09:37
TS: Iceland and Australia
are geographically like this.
are geographically like this.
186
565171
3193
TS: Islandia e Australia están
xeograficamente así.
xeograficamente así.
09:41
In the middle of the two is South Africa.
187
569250
2247
No medio das dúas está Sudáfrica.
09:44
We decided upon the city of Cape Town,
188
572046
2905
Escollimos a cidade de Cape Town,
09:46
and there we met for one week.
189
574975
2044
e alí estivemos durante unha semana.
09:50
The city itself proved to be
a stunningly powerful environment
a stunningly powerful environment
190
578426
3470
A propia cidade resultou ser un poderoso
ambiente
ambiente
09:53
to focus on reconciliation
and forgiveness.
and forgiveness.
191
581920
2884
para a reconciliación e o perdón.
09:57
Nowhere else has healing
and rapprochement been tested
and rapprochement been tested
192
585847
2639
En ningún outro lugar a curación
e o achegamento púxose
e o achegamento púxose
10:00
like it has in South Africa.
193
588510
1634
máis a proba que en Sudáfrica.
10:03
As a nation, South Africa sought
to sit within the truth of its past,
to sit within the truth of its past,
194
591036
3867
Como nación, Sudáfrica tratou de asentarse
na verdade do seu pasado
na verdade do seu pasado
10:06
and to listen to the details
of its history.
of its history.
195
594927
2403
e de escoitar os detalles
da súa historia.
da súa historia.
10:10
Knowing this only magnified the effect
that Cape Town had on us.
that Cape Town had on us.
196
598819
3749
Saber isto só fixo máis intenso o efecto
que Cape Town tivera sobre nós.
que Cape Town tivera sobre nós.
10:16
Over the course of this week,
197
604006
1462
Durante toda esa semana,
10:17
we literally spoke
our life stories to each other,
our life stories to each other,
198
605492
2890
contamos ao outro literalmente a
historia das nosas vidas,
historia das nosas vidas,
10:20
from start to finish.
199
608406
1590
de inicio a fin.
10:23
And this was about analyzing
our own history.
our own history.
200
611305
2500
E isto trataba sobre a análise
da nosa propia historia.
da nosa propia historia.
10:27
We followed a strict policy
of being honest,
of being honest,
201
615568
2833
Seguimos unha estricta política
de honestidade,
de honestidade,
10:30
and this also came
with a certain exposure,
with a certain exposure,
202
618425
2925
O que trouxo consigo unha
certa exposición,
certa exposición,
10:33
an open-chested vulnerability.
203
621374
1906
e unha aberta vulnerabilidade.
10:36
There were gutting confessions,
204
624312
2127
Houbo confesións viscerais,
10:38
and moments where we just
absolutely couldn't fathom
absolutely couldn't fathom
205
626463
2824
e momentos nos que foi posible
comprender
comprender
10:41
the other person's experience.
206
629311
1808
a experiencia da outra persoa.
10:44
The seismic effects of sexual violence
were spoken aloud and felt,
were spoken aloud and felt,
207
632258
4894
Os sísmicos efectos da violencia sexual
faláronse e sentíronse,
faláronse e sentíronse,
10:49
face to face.
208
637176
1330
cara a cara.
10:51
At other times, though,
209
639979
1503
Noutras ocasións, sen embargo,
10:53
we found a soaring clarity,
210
641506
2634
atopamos unha gran claridade,
10:57
and even some totally unexpected
but liberating laughter.
but liberating laughter.
211
645164
4400
e incluso algunha risa totalmente
inesperada mais liberadora.
inesperada mais liberadora.
11:03
When it came down to it,
212
651250
1530
Cando chegou o momento,
11:04
we did out best to listen
to each other intently.
to each other intently.
213
652804
3628
fixemos o mellor para escoitar
ao outro con atención.
ao outro con atención.
11:09
And our individual realities
were aired with an unfiltered purity
were aired with an unfiltered purity
214
657404
5841
E as nosas realidades individuais
transmitíronse tan honestamente
transmitíronse tan honestamente
11:15
that couldn't do any less
than lighten the soul.
than lighten the soul.
215
663269
2376
que non fixeron máis que
aliviar.
aliviar.
11:20
TE: Wanting to take revenge
is a very human emotion --
is a very human emotion --
216
668508
4045
TE: A ansia de vinganza é un sentimento
moi humano --
moi humano --
11:24
instinctual, even.
217
672577
1638
instintivo, incluso.
11:26
And all I wanted to do for years
218
674829
2011
E o único que quixen durante anos
11:28
was to hurt Tom back as deeply
as he had hurt me.
as he had hurt me.
219
676864
3969
foi ferir a Tom tan profundamente
coma el fixera comigo.
coma el fixera comigo.
11:33
But had I not found a way
out of the hatred and anger,
out of the hatred and anger,
220
681658
3053
Se non tivese atopado un camiño para
saír do odio e a ira,
saír do odio e a ira,
11:36
I'm not sure I'd be standing here today.
221
684735
2165
non estou segura de se estaría
aquí hoxe.
aquí hoxe.
11:40
That isn't to say that I didn't have
my doubts along the way.
my doubts along the way.
222
688058
3927
O que non quere dicir que non
tivese as miñas dúbidas.
tivese as miñas dúbidas.
11:44
When the plane bounced
on that landing strip in Cape Town,
on that landing strip in Cape Town,
223
692689
3661
Cando o avión chegou a aquela
pista de aterraxe en Cape Town,
pista de aterraxe en Cape Town,
11:48
I remember thinking,
224
696374
1603
lembro que pensei,
11:50
"Why did I not just get myself
a therapist and a bottle of vodka
a therapist and a bottle of vodka
225
698001
4206
"Por que non conseguín simplemente un
psicólogo e unha botella de vodka,
psicólogo e unha botella de vodka,
11:54
like a normal person would do?"
226
702231
2216
como faría unha persoa normal?"
11:56
(Laughter)
227
704471
2920
(Risas)
11:59
At times, our search
for understanding in Cape Town
for understanding in Cape Town
228
707415
3205
Ás veces, a nosa procura de
entendemento en Cape Town
entendemento en Cape Town
12:02
felt like an impossible quest,
229
710644
2167
parecía misión imposible,
12:04
and all I wanted to do was to give up
230
712835
2099
e o único que quería era desistir
12:06
and go home to my loving
husband, Vidir,
husband, Vidir,
231
714958
2216
e voltar á casa co meu querido
marido, Vidir,
marido, Vidir,
12:09
and our son.
232
717198
1211
e o noso fillo.
12:11
But despite our difficulties,
233
719994
2363
Mais a pesar das nosas dificultades,
12:14
this journey did result
in a victorious feeling
in a victorious feeling
234
722381
4628
esta viaxe resultou nun
sentimento
sentimento
12:19
that light had triumphed over darkness,
235
727033
3133
de triunfo da luz sobre a oscuridade,
12:22
that something constructive
could be built out of the ruins.
could be built out of the ruins.
236
730812
4312
de que algo construtivo se podía
levantar a partir das ruínas.
levantar a partir das ruínas.
12:28
I read somewhere
237
736572
1325
Lín nalgures que un debe tratar de ser
12:29
that you should try and be the person
that you needed when you were younger.
that you needed when you were younger.
238
737921
3861
a persoa que necesitaba cando era xove.
12:33
And back when I was a teenager,
239
741806
1584
E cando era unha adolescente,
12:35
I would have needed to know
that the shame wasn't mine,
that the shame wasn't mine,
240
743414
3848
necesitaría ter sabido que a culpa
non era miña,
non era miña,
12:39
that there's hope after rape,
241
747286
2514
que hai esperanza tras unha violación,
12:41
that you can even find happiness,
242
749824
1595
que incluso podes atopar felicidade,
12:43
like I share with my husband today.
243
751443
1890
como a que comparto
hoxe co meu home.
hoxe co meu home.
12:45
Which is why I started writing feverishly
upon my return from Cape Town,
upon my return from Cape Town,
244
753861
4355
E por iso, desde a miña chegada de Cape
Town comecei a escribir sen parar,
Town comecei a escribir sen parar,
12:50
resulting in a book co-authored by Tom,
245
758240
2724
resultando isto nun libro escrito
conxuntamente con Tom,
conxuntamente con Tom,
12:52
that we hope can be of use
to people from both ends
to people from both ends
246
760988
3185
que esperamos poida ser de axuda
para persoas de cada un dos extremos
para persoas de cada un dos extremos
12:56
of the perpetrator-survivor scale.
247
764197
2304
da escala perpetrador-supervivente.
12:59
If nothing else,
248
767180
1454
Se nada máis,
13:00
it's a story that we would've needed
to hear when we were younger.
to hear when we were younger.
249
768658
4135
é unha historia que necesitaríamos ter
escoitado de novos.
escoitado de novos.
13:06
Given the nature of our story,
250
774726
1821
Dada a natureza da nosa historia,
13:08
I know the words
that inevitably accompany it --
that inevitably accompany it --
251
776571
2776
sei cales son as palabras que
inevitablemente a acompañan --
inevitablemente a acompañan --
13:11
victim, rapist --
252
779933
2556
vítima, violador --
13:14
and labels are a way to organize concepts,
253
782513
2255
e as etiquetas son un xeito de
organizar conceptos,
organizar conceptos,
13:16
but they can also be dehumanizing
in their connotations.
in their connotations.
254
784792
4382
mais tamén poden resultar
nunha deshumanización.
nunha deshumanización.
13:21
Once someone's been deemed a victim,
255
789838
2100
Unha vez que alguén é
considerado vítima,
considerado vítima,
13:23
it's that much easier to file them away
as someone damaged,
as someone damaged,
256
791962
5233
é moito máis sinxelo catalogalo
como alguén ferido,
como alguén ferido,
13:29
dishonored,
257
797219
1506
aldraxado,
13:30
less than.
258
798749
1275
inferior a.
13:32
And likewise, once someone
has been branded a rapist,
has been branded a rapist,
259
800643
2720
E do mesmo xeito, unha vez que alguén
é catalogado como violador,
é catalogado como violador,
13:35
it's that much easier
to call him a monster --
to call him a monster --
260
803387
2546
é moito máis sinxelo
chamalo monstro --
chamalo monstro --
13:38
inhuman.
261
806576
1299
inhumano.
13:40
But how will we understand
what it is in human societies
what it is in human societies
262
808614
3031
Mais como seremos capaces de entender
que é o que produce a violencia
que é o que produce a violencia
13:43
that produces violence
263
811669
1581
nas sociedades humanas
13:45
if we refuse to recognize
the humanity of those who commit it?
the humanity of those who commit it?
264
813274
4479
se nos negamos recoñecer a humanidade
de quen a infrinxen?
de quen a infrinxen?
13:50
And how --
265
818534
1164
E como --
13:51
(Applause)
266
819722
2179
(Aplausos)
13:53
And how can we empower survivors
if we're making them feel less than?
if we're making them feel less than?
267
821925
5368
E como podemos axudar ás vítimas se
facemos que se sintan inferirores?
facemos que se sintan inferirores?
14:00
How can we discuss solutions
to one of the biggest threats
to one of the biggest threats
268
828072
3427
Como podemos falar de solucións a
unha das maiores ameazas
unha das maiores ameazas
14:03
to the lives of women and children
around the world,
around the world,
269
831523
3274
contra as vidas de mulleres e nenos
no mundo,
no mundo,
14:06
if the very words we use
are part of the problem?
are part of the problem?
270
834821
3823
se mesmo as palabras que
empregamos son parte do problema?
empregamos son parte do problema?
14:13
TS: From what I've now learnt,
271
841786
2492
TS: Polo que aprendín,
14:16
my actions that night in 1996
were a self-centered taking.
were a self-centered taking.
272
844302
4573
as miñas accións daquela noite de
1996 foron egocéntricas
1996 foron egocéntricas
14:22
I felt deserving of Thordis's body.
273
850028
2123
Sentinme merecedor do corpo de Thordis.
14:25
I've had primarily positive
social influences
social influences
274
853743
2865
Tiven unha gran cantidade de influencias
sociais positivas
sociais positivas
14:28
and examples of equitable
behavior around me.
behavior around me.
275
856632
2541
e exemplos de comportamento
igualitario arredor meu.
igualitario arredor meu.
14:31
But on that occasion,
276
859830
1197
Mais naquela ocasión,
14:33
I chose to draw upon the negative ones.
277
861051
2104
elexín facer uso das negativas.
14:35
The ones that see women
as having less intrinsic worth,
as having less intrinsic worth,
278
863716
2896
Aquelas polas que vemos as
mulleres coma menos valoradas,
mulleres coma menos valoradas,
14:39
and of men having some unspoken
and symbolic claim to their bodies.
and symbolic claim to their bodies.
279
867687
4411
e aos homes como os que
teñen dereito sobre os seus corpos.
teñen dereito sobre os seus corpos.
14:45
These influences I speak of
are external to me, though.
are external to me, though.
280
873781
3009
Sen embargo, as influencias das que
falo son externas a min.
falo son externas a min.
14:49
And it was only me in that room
making choices,
making choices,
281
877582
2781
E naquela habitación era eu quen
estaba a tomar decisións,
estaba a tomar decisións,
14:52
nobody else.
282
880387
1228
ninguén máis.
14:54
When you own something
283
882969
1785
Cando posuímos algo
14:56
and really square up to your culpability,
284
884778
2618
e realmente aceptamos a
nosa culpabilidade,
nosa culpabilidade,
15:00
I do think a surprising thing can happen.
285
888259
2323
penso que pode suceder algo soprendente.
15:03
It's what I call a paradox of ownership.
286
891249
2307
É o que eu chamo paradoxo de propiedade.
15:06
I thought I'd buckle
under the weight of responsibility.
under the weight of responsibility.
287
894989
2792
Pensaba que cedería baixo o
peso da responsabilidade.
peso da responsabilidade.
15:10
I thought my certificate
of humanity would be burnt.
of humanity would be burnt.
288
898377
2883
Pensaba que o meu certificado de
humanidade se quemaría.
humanidade se quemaría.
15:14
Instead, I was offered
to really own what I did,
to really own what I did,
289
902476
3746
No seu lugar, ofrecéuseme o me
facer cargo do que fixera,
facer cargo do que fixera,
15:19
and found that it didn't possess
the entirety of who I am.
the entirety of who I am.
290
907148
3260
e deime conta de que aquilo non formaba
parte de todo o que eu era.
parte de todo o que eu era.
15:23
Put simply,
291
911460
1361
Dito doutro xeito,
15:24
something you've done doesn't have
to constitute the sum of who you are.
to constitute the sum of who you are.
292
912845
4516
algo que fixeches non ten por que
definir completamente quen es.
definir completamente quen es.
15:30
The noise in my head abated.
293
918659
1658
O ruído da miña cabeza calmouse.
15:32
The indulgent self-pity
was starved of oxygen,
was starved of oxygen,
294
920951
4028
A indulxente autocompaixón estaba
famenta de osíxeno,
famenta de osíxeno,
15:37
and it was replaced
with the clean air of acceptance --
with the clean air of acceptance --
295
925003
4473
e foi subsituída polo aire
limpo da aceptación --
limpo da aceptación --
15:42
an acceptance that I did hurt
this wonderful person standing next to me;
this wonderful person standing next to me;
296
930658
4284
a aceptación de que ferín a esta
marabillosa persoa ó meu carón;
marabillosa persoa ó meu carón;
15:46
an acceptance that I am part of a large
and shockingly everyday grouping of men
and shockingly everyday grouping of men
297
934966
5599
a aceptación de que pertenzo a un gran e
alarmantemente grupo de homes
alarmantemente grupo de homes
15:52
who have been sexually violent
toward their partners.
toward their partners.
298
940589
2682
que exerceron violencia sexual
contra as súas parellas.
contra as súas parellas.
15:56
Don't underestimate the power of words.
299
944931
2409
Non subestimedes o poder das palabras.
16:00
Saying to Thordis that I raped her
changed my accord with myself,
changed my accord with myself,
300
948372
4641
Dicirlle a Thordis que a violei cambiou
o acordo que tiña conmigo mesmo,
o acordo que tiña conmigo mesmo,
16:05
as well as with her.
301
953037
1260
así coma o que tiña con ela.
16:07
But most importantly,
302
955517
1472
E máis importante,
16:09
the blame transferred from Thordis to me.
303
957013
3076
a culpa transferida de Thordis a min.
16:13
Far too often,
304
961331
1151
Moi a miúdo,
16:14
the responsibility is attributed
to female survivors of sexual violence,
to female survivors of sexual violence,
305
962506
4584
a responsabilidade atribúeselles ás
superviventes femininas de violencia
superviventes femininas de violencia
16:19
and not to the males who enact it.
306
967114
2511
sexual, e non aos homes que a perpetran.
16:22
Far too often,
307
970736
1150
Moi frecuentemente,
16:23
the denial and running leaves all parties
at a great distance from the truth.
at a great distance from the truth.
308
971910
5082
a negación e a fuxida deixan a ambas
partes moi lonxe da verdade.
partes moi lonxe da verdade.
16:30
There's definitely a public
conversation happening now,
conversation happening now,
309
978984
2780
Sen dúbida agora hai
unha conversa pública,
unha conversa pública,
16:34
and like a lot of people,
310
982371
2179
e como moita xente,
16:36
we're heartened
that there's less retreating
that there's less retreating
311
984574
2590
estamos animados de que
haxa menos reparos
haxa menos reparos
16:39
from this difficult
but important discussion.
but important discussion.
312
987188
2720
con respecto a esta difícil
mais importante discusión.
mais importante discusión.
16:43
I feel a real responsibility
to add our voices to it.
to add our voices to it.
313
991028
3638
Eu sinto a verdadeira responsabilidade
de sumar as nosas voces a isto.
de sumar as nosas voces a isto.
16:50
TE: What we did is not a formula
that we're prescribing for others.
that we're prescribing for others.
314
998072
4659
TE: O que fixemos non foi unha fórmula
que estamos a prescribir para os demais.
que estamos a prescribir para os demais.
16:55
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else
how to handle their deepest pain
how to handle their deepest pain
315
1003182
5533
Ninguén ten o dereito de dicirlles aos
demais como manexar a súa máis
demais como manexar a súa máis
17:00
or their greatest error.
316
1008739
1745
fonda dor ou o seu maior erro.
17:03
Breaking your silence is never easy,
317
1011336
2351
Romper o silencio nunca é sinxelo,
17:05
and depending on where
you are in the world,
you are in the world,
318
1013711
2214
e dependendo de onde esteas
no mundo,
no mundo,
17:07
it can even be deadly
to speak out about rape.
to speak out about rape.
319
1015949
3212
pode incluso ser mortal
falar sobre a violación.
falar sobre a violación.
17:12
I realize that even the most
traumatic event of my life
traumatic event of my life
320
1020088
4066
Son consciente de que incluso o
evento máis traumático da miña vida
evento máis traumático da miña vida
17:16
is still a testament to my privilege,
321
1024178
2759
segue sendo un testemuño
do meu privilexio,
do meu privilexio,
17:18
because I can talk about it
without getting ostracized,
without getting ostracized,
322
1026961
3230
porque podo falar sobre isto
sen ser excluída,
sen ser excluída,
17:22
or even killed.
323
1030215
1348
ou incluso asasinada.
17:24
But with that privilege of having a voice
324
1032293
2929
Porén co privilexio de ter unha voz
17:27
comes the responsibility of using it.
325
1035246
2858
vén a responsabilidade de empregala.
17:30
That's the least I owe
my fellow survivors who can't.
my fellow survivors who can't.
326
1038733
4530
É o mínimo que lles debo ás miñas
compañeiras superviventes que non poden.
compañeiras superviventes que non poden.
17:36
The story we've just relayed is unique,
327
1044841
3066
A historia que acabamos de transmitir
é única,
é única,
17:39
and yet it is so common with sexual
violence being a global pandemic.
violence being a global pandemic.
328
1047931
4666
e non obstante é moi común xa que a violencia
sexual é unha pandemia mundial.
sexual é unha pandemia mundial.
17:44
But it doesn't have to be that way.
329
1052621
2405
Aínda que non ten por que ser así.
17:47
One of the things that I found useful
on my own healing journey
on my own healing journey
330
1055741
3016
Unha das cousas que atopei útil no meu
propio camiño á curación
propio camiño á curación
17:50
is educating myself about sexual violence.
331
1058781
2648
foi educarme sobre a violencia sexual.
17:53
And as a result,
I've been reading, writing
I've been reading, writing
332
1061453
2414
Como resultado, estiven
lendo, escribindo
lendo, escribindo
17:55
and speaking about this issue
for over a decade now,
for over a decade now,
333
1063891
2653
e falando sobre este tema por
máis dunha década,
máis dunha década,
17:58
going to conferences around the world.
334
1066568
2552
indo a conferencias en todo o mundo.
18:01
And in my experience,
335
1069144
1979
E na miña experiencia,
18:03
the attendees of such events
are almost exclusively women.
are almost exclusively women.
336
1071147
4631
os participantes destas conferencias son
case exclusivamente mulleres.
case exclusivamente mulleres.
18:09
But it's about time that we stop treating
sexual violence as a women's issue.
sexual violence as a women's issue.
337
1077013
6616
Mais é o momento de deixar de tratar a
violencia sexual como un tema de mulleres.
violencia sexual como un tema de mulleres.
18:15
(Applause)
338
1083653
5447
(Aplausos)
18:29
A majority of sexual violence
against women and men
against women and men
339
1097069
4044
A maioría da violencia sexual hacia
mulleres e homes
mulleres e homes
18:33
is perpetrated by men.
340
1101137
1883
é levada a cabo por homes.
18:35
And yet their voices are sorely
underrepresented in this discussion.
underrepresented in this discussion.
341
1103044
4408
Non obstante, as súas voces están sumamente
subrepresentadas nesta discusión.
subrepresentadas nesta discusión.
18:40
But all of us are needed here.
342
1108842
3901
Mais é necesario que todos esteamos aquí.
18:45
Just imagine all the suffering
we could alleviate
we could alleviate
343
1113744
3885
Imaxinade todo o sufrimento que
poderiamos aliviar
poderiamos aliviar
18:49
if we dared to face this issue together.
344
1117653
3934
se nos atrevésemos a enfrontar
isto xuntos.
isto xuntos.
18:54
Thank you.
345
1122880
1158
Grazas.
18:56
(Applause)
346
1124062
4267
(Aplausos)
ABOUT THE SPEAKERS
Thordis Elva - WriterThordis Elva is one of the two authors of "South of Forgiveness," a unique collaboration between a survivor and perpetrator of rape.
Why you should listen
Thordis Elva is a firm believer in the healing potential of dialogue when it comes to ending the silence that shrouds sexual violence. In 2015, she was voted Woman of the Year in her native Iceland due to her tireless campaigning for gender equality.
As an award-winning writer, journalist and public speaker, Elva has utilized many different platforms for her activism, including plays, films and books. Her passion for equality extends to the internet, and she has toured extensively giving lectures about online bullying, non-consensual pornography and digital human rights to audiences such as the United Nations and the Nordic Council of Ministers.
Read a Q&A with Elva about her TED Talk on the TED Blog.
Thordis Elva | Speaker | TED.com
Tom Stranger - Co-author, landscape gardener
Tom Stranger is the co-author "South of Forgiveness."
Why you should listen
Social sciences and the outdoors have been both professional directions and personal themes for Tom Stranger. After studying social science and working in outdoor recreation, Tom Stranger's focus shifted towards working with young people with complex needs -- mental health challenges, substance addiction, homelessness and neurological impairment. His time working with young people has taught him the immense value of listening with intent.
Stranger has recently completed and thoroughly enjoyed a Master of Cultural Studies at the University of Sydney, and he has returned to work in the outdoors as a landscaper. During his studies, he was involved as a co-author in the writing of South of Forgiveness. He and the book's primary author, Thordis Elva, share the hope that in speaking up they will add their voices to the ever-growing public discourse around relations of gender and sexual violence.
Read a Q&A with Stranger about his TED Talk on the TED Blog.
Tom Stranger | Speaker | TED.com