TED2019
Suleika Jaouad: What almost dying taught me about living
苏蕾卡·卓阿德: 死亡教会我活着的意义
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“我最艰难的经历是癌症被治好后“，作家苏蕾卡·卓阿德说。在这场充满力量、有趣、智慧的演讲中，她挑战我们重新思考“生病的”与“健康”的界线，提出疑问：在生活被打乱时，我们怎样可以重新开始并找到生活的意义？
Suleika Jaouad - Writer, teacher, activist
Writer Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions. Full bio
Writer Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
It was the spring of 2011,
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2011年春天，
00:15
and as they like to say
in commencement speeches,
in commencement speeches,
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就像大学毕业典礼
演讲里说的那样，
演讲里说的那样，
00:18
I was getting ready
to enter the real world.
to enter the real world.
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我做好了面对现实
世界的准备。
世界的准备。
00:22
I had recently graduated from college
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我刚刚大学毕业，
00:25
and moved to Paris to start my first job.
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搬到了巴黎，
开始了我第一份工作。
开始了我第一份工作。
00:28
My dream was to become
a war correspondent,
a war correspondent,
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我的梦想是成为
一名战地记者，
一名战地记者，
00:32
but the real world that I found
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但现实世界把我
带到了一个
带到了一个
00:35
took me into a really different
kind of conflict zone.
kind of conflict zone.
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很不一样的矛盾世界。
00:40
At 22 years old,
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22岁时，
00:43
I was diagnosed with leukemia.
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我被诊断出了白血病。
00:46
The doctors told me
and my parents, point-blank,
and my parents, point-blank,
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医生坦白地告诉
我和我的父母，
我和我的父母，
00:50
that I had about a 35 percent chance
of long-term survival.
of long-term survival.
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我有百分之三十五的几率
可以活下去。
可以活下去。
00:56
I couldn't wrap my head around
what that prognosis meant.
what that prognosis meant.
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我不能理解和接受
那诊断书意味着什么。
那诊断书意味着什么。
01:00
But I understood that the reality
and the life I'd imagined for myself
and the life I'd imagined for myself
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但我明白我想象中的世界
01:05
had shattered.
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已经被动摇。
01:07
Overnight, I lost my job,
my apartment, my independence,
my apartment, my independence,
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一夜之间，我失去了
工作，房子，自由，
工作，房子，自由，
01:12
and I became patient number 5624.
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我变成了病号5624。
01:18
Over the next four years
of chemo, a clinical trial
of chemo, a clinical trial
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在接下来4年里，
我接受了临床化疗，
我接受了临床化疗，
01:22
and a bone marrow transplant,
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做了骨髓移植，
01:24
the hospital became my home,
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医院变成了我家，
01:26
my bed, the place I lived 24/7.
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还有我的床，
我一直呆着的地方。
我一直呆着的地方。
01:30
Since it was unlikely
that I'd ever get better,
that I'd ever get better,
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自从觉得我的病
再也不会好了，
再也不会好了，
01:33
I had to accept my new reality.
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我接受了这个现实。
01:37
And I adapted.
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我习惯了，
01:40
I became fluent in medicalese,
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我流利地说着
医学名词，
医学名词，
01:43
made friends with a group
of other young cancer patients,
of other young cancer patients,
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其他年轻的癌症病人
成了我的朋友，
成了我的朋友，
01:48
built a vast collection of neon wigs
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我收集五颜六色的假发，
01:52
and learned to use
my rolling IV pole as a skateboard.
my rolling IV pole as a skateboard.
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把移动点滴架当成滑板。
01:59
I even achieved my dream
of becoming a war correspondent,
of becoming a war correspondent,
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我甚至改变了成为
战地记者的梦想，
战地记者的梦想，
02:03
although not in the way I'd expected.
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这其实出乎我的意料。
02:06
It started with a blog,
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这是从一篇博客开始的，
02:07
reporting from the front lines
of my hospital bed,
of my hospital bed,
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从我病床记录第一页开始，
02:10
and it morphed into a column
I wrote for the New York Times,
I wrote for the New York Times,
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它慢慢变成了
纽约时报的一个专栏，
纽约时报的一个专栏，
02:14
called "Life, Interrupted."
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叫做“生命·摧毁”。
02:16
But --
(Applause)
(Applause)
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但是 --（掌声）
02:17
Thank you.
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谢谢。
02:19
(Applause)
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（掌声）
02:21
But above all else,
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关键是，
02:23
my focus was on surviving.
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我的关注点是活下去。
02:27
And -- spoiler alert --
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并且 -- 我要剧透了哈 --
02:30
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
02:32
I did survive, yeah.
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我活了下来。
02:34
(Applause)
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（掌声）
02:39
Thanks to an army of supportive humans,
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感谢那些支持过我的人们，
02:42
I'm not just still here,
I am cured of my cancer.
I am cured of my cancer.
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我不仅仅还活着，
而且治好了癌症。
而且治好了癌症。
02:46
(Applause)
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（掌声）
02:48
Thank you.
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谢谢。
02:49
(Applause)
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（掌声）
02:51
So, when you go through
a traumatic experience like this,
a traumatic experience like this,
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所以当我们有过
这种痛苦的经历后，
这种痛苦的经历后，
02:55
people treat you differently.
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别人会对你另眼相看。
02:57
They start telling you
how much of an inspiration you are.
how much of an inspiration you are.
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他们会告诉你
你的故事多么鼓舞人心。
你的故事多么鼓舞人心。
03:02
They say you're a warrior.
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他们说你是一个战士。
03:04
They call you a hero,
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他们叫你英雄，
03:06
someone who's lived
the mythical hero's journey,
the mythical hero's journey,
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就好像你踏上了一段
神秘的危险旅程，
神秘的危险旅程，
03:09
who's endured impossible trials
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经历了各种考验。
03:11
and, against the odds,
lived to tell the tale,
lived to tell the tale,
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克服困难重重凯旋归来，
开始讲述关于自己的传说，
开始讲述关于自己的传说，
03:14
returning better and braver
for what you're been through.
for what you're been through.
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并且因为所见所闻
变得更厉害、勇敢。
变得更厉害、勇敢。
03:19
And this definitely lines up
with my experience.
with my experience.
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这跟我的经历
确实有点类似。
确实有点类似。
03:24
Cancer totally transformed my life.
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癌症改变了我的生活。
03:26
I left the hospital knowing
exactly who I was
exactly who I was
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我离开医院，
清楚地认识自己，
清楚地认识自己，
03:29
and what I wanted to do in the world.
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知道我想做什么。
03:31
And now, every day as the sun rises,
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现在，每天日出时，
03:34
I drink a big glass of celery juice,
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我会喝一大杯芹菜汁，
03:37
and I follow this up
with 90 minutes of yoga.
with 90 minutes of yoga.
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然后做一个半小时瑜伽。
03:40
Then, I write down 50 things
I'm grateful for onto a scroll of paper
I'm grateful for onto a scroll of paper
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然后，我会在一张纸上
写下让我感激的50件事，
写下让我感激的50件事，
03:46
that I fold into an origami crane
and send sailing out my window.
and send sailing out my window.
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折成一只纸鹤并让它
从窗户飞出去。
从窗户飞出去。
03:51
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:53
Are you seriously believing any of this?
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你们相信吗？
03:56
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
03:58
I don't do any of these things.
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我根本不会做
上述的任何事。
上述的任何事。
04:00
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
04:01
I hate yoga, and I have no idea
how to fold an origami crane.
how to fold an origami crane.
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我讨厌瑜伽，
也不会折纸鹤。
也不会折纸鹤。
04:07
The truth is that for me,
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实际上，
04:09
the hardest part of my cancer experience
began once the cancer was gone.
began once the cancer was gone.
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我的癌症经历中最难的
是癌症被治好后的时光。
是癌症被治好后的时光。
04:15
That heroic journey
of the survivor we see in movies
of the survivor we see in movies
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我们在电影和 Instagram上
04:19
and watch play out on Instagram --
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看到那些幸存者们的英雄故事 --
04:21
it's a myth.
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他们都是个谜。
04:22
It isn't just untrue, it's dangerous,
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这些描述不仅不现实，
而且很危险。
而且很危险。
04:25
because it erases the very real
challenges of recovery.
challenges of recovery.
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因为他们掩饰了
康复过程中真实的挑战。
康复过程中真实的挑战。
04:29
Now, don't get me wrong --
I am incredibly grateful to be alive,
I am incredibly grateful to be alive,
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不要误会 -- 我非常感激
有活下来的机会，
有活下来的机会，
04:35
and I am painfully aware
that this struggle is a privilege
that this struggle is a privilege
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我痛苦地意识到
与病魔抗争是
与病魔抗争是
04:38
that many don't get to experience.
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一种大多数人都
没有的幸运。
没有的幸运。
04:41
But it's important that I tell you
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但我想告诉你们的是，
04:43
what this projection of heroism
and expectation of constant gratitude
and expectation of constant gratitude
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这种英雄主义的映射和
对持续感激的期待
对持续感激的期待
04:49
does to people who are trying to recover.
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对努力康复的病人来说，
意味着什么。
意味着什么。
04:51
Because being cured is not
where the work of healing ends.
where the work of healing ends.
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因为被治疗好
不意味着康复结束，
不意味着康复结束，
04:56
It's where it begins.
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而意味着开始。
04:59
I'll never forget the day
I was discharged from the hospital,
I was discharged from the hospital,
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我永远都不会忘记出院那天，
05:03
finally done with treatment.
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结束治疗时的感觉。
05:06
Those four years of chemo
had taken a toll on my relationship
had taken a toll on my relationship
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4年的化疗淡化了
05:12
with my longtime boyfriend,
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我和男友的感情，
05:14
and he'd recently moved out.
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他最近搬出去了。
05:17
And when I walked
into my apartment, it was quiet.
into my apartment, it was quiet.
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当我走进家门时，
里面是寂静的。
里面是寂静的。
05:21
Eerily so.
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这只是个开始。
05:24
The person I wanted to call
in this moment,
in this moment,
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此时我最想打电话的人，
05:26
the person who I knew
would understand everything,
would understand everything,
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她会明白我说的一切，
05:30
was my friend Melissa.
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是我的朋友梅丽莎。
05:32
She was a fellow cancer patient,
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她是一位病友，
05:34
but she had died three weeks earlier.
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但她三周前去世了。
05:38
As I stood there in the doorway
of my apartment,
of my apartment,
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我站在我家的门廊里，
05:41
I wanted to cry.
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我想哭。
05:43
But I was too tired to cry.
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但我累得哭不出来。
05:46
The adrenaline was gone.
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肾上腺素作用褪去，
05:48
I had felt as if the inner scaffolding
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我感觉心中那个
05:51
that had held me together
since my diagnosis
since my diagnosis
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从我被确诊第一天
支撑我的支架，
支撑我的支架，
05:53
had suddenly crumbled.
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忽然坍塌。
05:56
I had spent the past 1,500 days
working tirelessly to achieve one goal:
working tirelessly to achieve one goal:
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在过去1500天里，
我只为一个目标努力：
我只为一个目标努力：
06:03
to survive.
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活下去。
06:04
And now that I'd done so,
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现在目标实现了，
06:06
I realized I had absolutely
no idea how to live.
no idea how to live.
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我意识到我不知道
怎么继续活下去。
怎么继续活下去。
06:13
On paper, of course, I was better:
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纸面上看，我痊愈了：
06:16
I didn't have leukemia,
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我不再患白血病。
06:18
my blood counts were back no normal,
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我的血样检查恢复正常，
06:20
and the disability checks
soon stopped coming.
soon stopped coming.
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我不再有异样检查。
06:23
To the outside world,
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对外人来说，
06:24
I clearly didn't belong in the kingdom
of the sick anymore.
of the sick anymore.
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我再也不属于那个
病号的世界了。
病号的世界了。
06:29
But in reality, I never felt
further from being well.
further from being well.
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但实际上，我从未
感觉痊愈。
感觉痊愈。
06:34
All that chemo had taken
a permanent physical toll on my body.
a permanent physical toll on my body.
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我所接受的化疗在我身上
留下了永久的伤疤。
留下了永久的伤疤。
06:39
I wondered, "What kind of job can I hold
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我心想，“什么工作
06:43
when I need to nap for four hours
in the middle of the day?
in the middle of the day?
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可以让我在白天睡四个小时，
06:47
When my misfiring immune system
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当我那不奏效的免疫系统
06:49
still sends me to the ER
on a regular basis?"
on a regular basis?"
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让我去定时接受化疗时？“
06:53
And then there were the invisible,
psychological imprints
psychological imprints
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还有那无形的、
疾病留下的
疾病留下的
06:57
my illness had left behind:
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心理印记：
06:59
the fears of relapse,
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对疾病复发的恐惧，
07:02
the unprocessed grief,
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毫无掩饰的悲伤，
07:04
the demons of PTSD that descended upon me
for days, sometimes weeks.
for days, sometimes weeks.
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以及创伤后应激障碍
每次对我长达数天，有时数周的折磨。
每次对我长达数天，有时数周的折磨。
07:10
See, we talk about reentry
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当我们讲到战争和关押，
07:13
in the context of war and incarceration.
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我们总谈到重新
融入这个社会。
融入这个社会。
07:16
But we don't talk about it as much
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但当我们说到痛苦的经历，
07:18
in the context of other kinds
of traumatic experiences, like an illness.
of traumatic experiences, like an illness.
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如疾病时，我们很少那么讲。
07:23
Because no one had warned me
of the challenges of reentry,
of the challenges of reentry,
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因为没有人曾警告过我
重新融入这个社会的困难，
重新融入这个社会的困难，
07:27
I thought something must be wrong with me.
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所以我觉得是我的问题。
07:30
I felt ashamed,
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我感到很惭愧，
07:32
and with great guilt,
I kept reminding myself
I kept reminding myself
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很有罪恶感，
并不停提醒自己
并不停提醒自己
07:36
of how lucky I was to be alive at all,
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我能活下来已经很幸运了，
07:38
when so many people
like my friend Melissa were not.
like my friend Melissa were not.
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许多像梅丽莎一样的
病友都没能撑下来。
病友都没能撑下来。
07:42
But on most days, I woke up
feeling so sad and lost,
feeling so sad and lost,
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但无数的日子里，我
悲伤而失落地醒来，
悲伤而失落地醒来，
07:46
I could barely breathe.
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我几乎无法呼吸。
07:48
Sometimes, I even fantasized
about getting sick again.
about getting sick again.
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有时我甚至幻想着
又一次生病。
又一次生病。
07:53
And let me tell you,
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我想告诉你们，
07:54
there are so many better things
to fantasize about
to fantasize about
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在你二十多岁并单身时，
07:58
when you're in your twenties
and recently single.
and recently single.
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有更好的事物可以幻想。
08:01
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:03
But I missed the hospital's ecosystem.
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但我怀念在医院的时环境。
08:07
Like me, everyone in there was broken.
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那里的每一个人都
像我一样脆弱，
像我一样脆弱，
08:10
But out here, among the living,
I felt like an impostor,
I felt like an impostor,
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但在医院外的健康人群中，
我觉得自己像个冒名顶替者，
我觉得自己像个冒名顶替者，
08:15
overwhelmed and unable to function.
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不知所措，无法正常运作。
08:18
I also missed the sense of clarity
I'd felt at my sickest.
I'd felt at my sickest.
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我也怀念我病情
最严重时的清晰感。
最严重时的清晰感。
08:23
Staring your mortality straight in the eye
has a way of simplifying things,
has a way of simplifying things,
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直视自己的死亡让我
简化一切其他事物，
简化一切其他事物，
08:28
of rerouting your focus
to what really matters.
to what really matters.
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重新把注意力集中在
真正重要的事情上。
真正重要的事情上。
08:32
And when I was sick,
I vowed that if I survived,
I vowed that if I survived,
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生病时，我发誓
如果活下来了，
如果活下来了，
08:35
it had to be for something.
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我一定会为了
一个目标而活。
一个目标而活。
08:36
It had to be to live a good life,
an adventurous life,
an adventurous life,
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这个目标是好好活着，
过上有冒险精神，
过上有冒险精神，
08:39
a meaningful one.
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有意义的生活。
08:41
But the question, once I was cured,
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但在我痊愈后，
08:44
became: How?
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问题变成了：怎么做？
08:46
I was 27 years old
with no job, no partner, no structure.
with no job, no partner, no structure.
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我27岁，没工作，
没伴侣，没条理。
没伴侣，没条理。
08:51
And this time, I didn't have treatment
protocols or discharge instructions
protocols or discharge instructions
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这时，没有任何
治疗协议或医嘱
治疗协议或医嘱
08:56
to help guide my way forward.
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指导我前进。
08:58
But what I did have was an in-box
full of internet messages
full of internet messages
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不过我有满满
一收件箱的信息，
一收件箱的信息，
09:04
from strangers.
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来自陌生人。
09:06
Over the years,
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多年来，
09:08
people from all over the world
had read my column,
had read my column,
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全世界的人们
读到我的专栏，
读到我的专栏，
09:10
and they'd responded with letters,
comments and emails.
comments and emails.
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他们通过信件、
评论和邮件回应。
评论和邮件回应。
09:16
It was a mix, as is often
the case, for writers.
the case, for writers.
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那是个大杂烩，对作家
来说应该很常见。
来说应该很常见。
09:21
I got a lot of unsolicited advice
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我得到了很多自发
而不靠谱的建议，
而不靠谱的建议，
09:24
about how to cure my cancer
with things like essential oils.
with things like essential oils.
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比如怎样用精油
治好我的癌症。
治好我的癌症。
09:29
I got some questions about my bra size.
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还有些人问我
内衣码数。
内衣码数。
09:32
But mostly --
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但是 --
09:34
(Laughter)
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1103
（笑声）
09:35
mostly, I heard from people who,
in their own different way,
in their own different way,
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总体来说，那些信息
都来自从不同角度
都来自从不同角度
09:40
understood what it was
that I was going through.
that I was going through.
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明白我正经历
什么样的痛苦的人们。
什么样的痛苦的人们。
09:43
I heard from a teenage girl in Florida
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我收到一封来自
佛罗里达的信，
佛罗里达的信，
09:46
who, like me, was coming out of chemo
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那个小女孩也
刚接受化疗，
刚接受化疗，
09:48
and wrote me a message
composed largely of emojis.
composed largely of emojis.
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她的信里有
很多表情贴。
很多表情贴。
09:53
I heard from a retired art history
professor in Ohio named Howard,
professor in Ohio named Howard,
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我还收到住在俄亥俄州，
退休艺术史教授霍华德的信，
退休艺术史教授霍华德的信，
09:59
who'd spent most of his life
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从他年轻时起，
10:00
struggling with a mysterious,
debilitating health condition
debilitating health condition
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他一生都与一种罕见的，
10:04
that he'd had from the time
he was a young man.
he was a young man.
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令人虚弱的疾病抗争。
10:07
I heard from an inmate
on death row in Texas
on death row in Texas
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还有一封德州的
死囚的来信。
死囚的来信。
10:12
by the name of Little GQ --
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他署名是小GQ --
10:14
short for "Gangster Quinn."
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2095
是“奎因匪徒”的简称。
10:17
He'd never been sick a day in his life.
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他一生从没真正病过。
10:19
He does 1,000 push-ups
to start off each morning.
to start off each morning.
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他每天早上
做1000个俯卧撑。
做1000个俯卧撑。
10:22
But he related to what
I described in one column
I described in one column
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但他对我在一次
专栏里所描述的
专栏里所描述的
10:25
as my "incanceration,"
186
613547
2187
"癌症关押“很有同感，
10:27
and to the experience of being confined
to a tiny fluorescent room.
to a tiny fluorescent room.
187
615758
4185
特别是被困在一个
没什么亮光的小房间里。
没什么亮光的小房间里。
10:33
"I know that our situations
are different," he wrote to me,
are different," he wrote to me,
188
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“我知道我们处境
大不相同“，他写道，
大不相同“，他写道，
10:37
"But the threat of death
lurks in both of our shadows."
lurks in both of our shadows."
189
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“但死亡的威胁都
潜伏在我们的影子中”。
潜伏在我们的影子中”。
10:43
In those lonely first weeks
and months of my recovery,
and months of my recovery,
190
631819
4143
在刚开始恢复的
那孤独的几个月里，
那孤独的几个月里，
10:47
these strangers and their words
became lifelines,
became lifelines,
191
635986
3877
这些陌生人的声音
成了我的生命线，
成了我的生命线，
10:51
dispatches from people
of so many different backgrounds,
of so many different backgrounds,
192
639887
2856
从无数经验、背景
完全不同的人
完全不同的人
10:54
with so many different experiences,
193
642767
1974
手中发出，
10:56
all showing me the same thing:
194
644765
2027
都说着的类似的话：
11:01
you can be held hostage
195
649250
2659
你可以被
11:03
by the worst thing
that's ever happened to you
that's ever happened to you
196
651933
2984
你所遇到的
最坏的事困住，
最坏的事困住，
11:06
and allow it to hijack
your remaining days,
your remaining days,
197
654941
3406
让它劫持走
你余下的日子，
你余下的日子，
11:10
or you can find a way forward.
198
658371
2872
但你也可以
找办法前进。
找办法前进。
11:14
I knew I needed to make
some kind of change.
some kind of change.
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3823
我知道我需要改变。
11:18
I wanted to be in motion again
200
666807
2891
我想重新振作起来，
11:21
to figure out how to unstuck myself
and to get back out into the world.
and to get back out into the world.
201
669722
4694
找到走出困境的办法，
回到正常的世界。
回到正常的世界。
11:26
And so I decided to go on
a real journey --
a real journey --
202
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4206
因此我决定踏上一次
真正的旅程 --
真正的旅程 --
11:31
not the bullshit cancer one
203
679791
3206
不是可恶的癌症，
11:35
or the mythical hero's journey
that everyone thought I should be on,
that everyone thought I should be on,
204
683021
3216
也不是那种人们认为我
应该经历的神秘英雄之旅，
应该经历的神秘英雄之旅，
11:38
but a real, pack-your-bags
kind of journey.
kind of journey.
205
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3221
而是真正的、
说走就走的旅行。
说走就走的旅行。
11:42
I put everything I owned into storage,
206
690586
3552
我把我的东西
放进储物间，
放进储物间，
11:47
rented out my apartment, borrowed a car
207
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2979
外租了我的公寓，
借了辆车，
借了辆车，
11:50
and talked a very a dear
but somewhat smelly friend
but somewhat smelly friend
208
698624
5059
说服了一位可爱
但臭烘烘的朋友
但臭烘烘的朋友
11:55
into joining me.
209
703707
1159
跟我一起出门。
11:56
(Laughter)
210
704890
2452
（笑声）
11:59
Together, my dog Oscar and I
embarked on a 15,000-mile road trip
embarked on a 15,000-mile road trip
211
707366
5551
我和我的狗奥斯卡，
踏上了15000英里的
踏上了15000英里的
12:04
around the United States.
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1571
环美公路旅行。
12:07
Along the way, we visited some
of those strangers who'd written to me.
of those strangers who'd written to me.
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715175
4905
路上，我们拜访了那些
写信给我的陌生人。
写信给我的陌生人。
12:12
I needed their advice,
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1555
我需要他们的建议，
12:14
also to say to them, thank you.
215
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2219
并想向他们说谢谢。
12:17
I went to Ohio and stayed with Howard,
the retired professor.
the retired professor.
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725276
4920
我去了俄亥俄州的
退休教授霍华德家过夜。
退休教授霍华德家过夜。
12:23
When you've suffered a loss or a trauma,
217
731085
3141
当我们遭受损失
或不幸时，
或不幸时，
12:26
the impulse can be to guard your heart.
218
734250
2430
会有守卫自己
心灵的冲动。
心灵的冲动。
12:29
But Howard urged me
to open myself up to uncertainty,
to open myself up to uncertainty,
219
737069
4231
但霍华德鼓励着我
拥抱未知，
拥抱未知，
12:33
to the possibilities
of new love, new loss.
of new love, new loss.
220
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4560
坦然接受新的爱与失。
12:38
Howard will never be cured of illness.
221
746561
2810
霍华德的病
从未被治好，
从未被治好，
12:41
And as a young man, he had no way
of predicting how long he'd live.
of predicting how long he'd live.
222
749395
3246
年轻时，他无法
预计自己还能活多久，
预计自己还能活多久，
12:44
But that didn't stop him
from getting married.
from getting married.
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752665
2825
但这没有阻止他
走进婚姻的殿堂。
走进婚姻的殿堂。
12:47
Howard has grandkids now,
224
755839
1944
他现在有几个孙子了，
12:49
and takes weekly ballroom dancing
lessons with his wife.
lessons with his wife.
225
757807
3563
每周还和妻子去
上舞蹈课。
上舞蹈课。
12:53
When I visited them,
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761807
1318
我拜访他们时，
12:55
they’d recently celebrated
their 50th anniversary.
their 50th anniversary.
227
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3633
他们最近在庆祝
结婚50周年。
结婚50周年。
12:59
In his letter to me, he'd written,
228
767815
2508
在给我的信里，
他写道，
他写道，
13:02
"Meaning is not found
in the material realm;
in the material realm;
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770347
2905
“意义不存在于
物质世界；
物质世界；
13:05
it's not in dinner, jazz,
cocktails or conversation.
cocktails or conversation.
230
773276
4087
它不是晚餐，爵士乐，
鸡尾酒或谈话。
鸡尾酒或谈话。
13:09
Meaning is what's left
when everything else is stripped away."
when everything else is stripped away."
231
777387
4072
意义是所有东西都
被除去后剩下的一切“。
被除去后剩下的一切“。
13:14
I went to Texas, and I visited
Little GQ on death row.
Little GQ on death row.
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4573
我去了德州，
拜访了死囚小GQ。
拜访了死囚小GQ。
13:19
He asked me what I did
to pass all that time
to pass all that time
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787999
3353
他问我是怎么度过
生病时在医院的
生病时在医院的
13:23
I'd spent in a hospital room.
234
791376
2121
时光的。
13:26
When I told him that I got
really, really good at Scrabble,
really, really good at Scrabble,
235
794355
4230
我告诉他我变得很擅长
玩Scrabble文字游戏，
玩Scrabble文字游戏，
13:30
he said, "Me, too!" and explained how,
236
798609
3426
他说，“我也是！”
并向我展示，
并向我展示，
13:34
even though he spends most of his days
in solitary confinement,
in solitary confinement,
237
802059
3339
即使他大部分时候
都被独自关押，
都被独自关押，
13:37
he and his neighboring prisoners
make board games out of paper
make board games out of paper
238
805422
4005
他和他的邻居们
用纸做成桌上游戏，
用纸做成桌上游戏，
13:41
and call out their plays
through their meal slots --
through their meal slots --
239
809451
2961
通过他们的送餐口
发出游戏挑战 --
发出游戏挑战 --
13:45
a testament to the incredible tenacity
of the human spirit
of the human spirit
240
813474
5905
这是人类顽强精神和
13:51
and our ability to adapt with creativity.
241
819403
3622
用创造力的适应环境
的证明。
的证明。
13:56
And my last stop was in Florida,
242
824426
1936
我的最后一站
是佛罗里达，
是佛罗里达，
13:58
to see that teenage girl
who'd sent me all those emojis.
who'd sent me all those emojis.
243
826386
3487
我去见了那位给我发了
很多表情贴的女孩。
很多表情贴的女孩。
14:02
Her name is Unique, which is perfect,
244
830585
3142
她的名字是尤妮克，
（意译：独特的）
（意译：独特的）
14:05
because she's the most luminous,
curious person I've ever met.
curious person I've ever met.
245
833751
4168
这太理想了，因为她是
我见过的最活泼好奇的人。
我见过的最活泼好奇的人。
14:10
I asked her what she wants
to do next and she said,
to do next and she said,
246
838831
2930
我问她下一步想做什么，
她说，
她说，
14:13
"I want to go to college and travel
247
841785
1889
“我想上大学，旅行，
14:15
and eat weird foods like octopus
that I've never tasted before
that I've never tasted before
248
843698
3133
吃我从未尝过的奇怪的
食物，比如章鱼，
食物，比如章鱼，
14:18
and come visit you in New York
249
846855
1520
去纽约拜访你，
14:20
and go camping, but I'm scared of bugs,
250
848399
1904
然后去露营，
虽然我很怕虫子，
虽然我很怕虫子，
14:22
but I still want to go camping."
251
850327
1720
但我还是想去露营”。
14:25
I was in awe of her,
252
853768
2428
我不禁对她
产生一丝敬畏，
产生一丝敬畏，
14:28
that she could be so optimistic
and so full of plans for the future,
and so full of plans for the future,
253
856220
5270
她是如此乐观并
对未来如此期待，
对未来如此期待，
14:33
given everything she'd been through.
254
861514
1917
即使她经历了那么多。
14:36
But as Unique showed me,
255
864180
1675
但就像尤妮克
让我意识到的，
让我意识到的，
14:37
it is far more radical
and dangerous to have hope
and dangerous to have hope
256
865879
4857
比起生活在
恐惧的阴影里，
恐惧的阴影里，
14:42
than to live hemmed in by fear.
257
870760
2066
希望是危险的。
14:46
But the most important thing
I learned on that road trip
I learned on that road trip
258
874699
4381
但我从那次公路旅行
学到的最重要的是，
学到的最重要的是，
14:51
is that the divide between
the sick and the well --
the sick and the well --
259
879104
4179
病人和健康人的区别。
14:55
it doesn't exist.
260
883307
1373
它是不存在的。
14:57
The border is porous.
261
885149
2126
他们的边界充满孔洞。
14:59
As we live longer and longer,
262
887585
2365
我们的平均寿命越来越长，
15:01
surviving illnesses and injuries
that would have killed our grandparents,
that would have killed our grandparents,
263
889974
3857
我们在那些可以夺取我们
祖父母，甚至父母生命的
祖父母，甚至父母生命的
15:05
even our parents,
264
893855
1325
疾病和伤害中活下来，
15:07
the vast majority of us will travel
back and forth between these realms,
back and forth between these realms,
265
895204
4728
我们中的大多数人在
生病和健康状态之间转换，
生病和健康状态之间转换，
15:11
spending much of our lives
somewhere between the two.
somewhere between the two.
266
899956
3397
生命大部分时间
都活在两者中间。
都活在两者中间。
15:16
These are the terms of our existence.
267
904059
3103
这些是我们
存在的术语。
存在的术语。
15:20
Now, I wish I could say
that since coming home from my road trip,
that since coming home from my road trip,
268
908228
4198
现在我想说的是，
那次旅行后，
那次旅行后，
15:24
I feel fully healed.
269
912450
2127
我觉得我完全康复了。
15:26
I don't.
270
914601
1150
其实我没有。
15:28
But once I stopped expecting myself
271
916601
2626
但是我一旦
停止希望自己
停止希望自己
15:31
to return to the person
I'd been pre-diagnosis,
I'd been pre-diagnosis,
272
919251
3978
重新成为被诊断出
白血病前的那个自己，
白血病前的那个自己，
15:35
once I learned to accept my body
and its limitations,
and its limitations,
273
923253
5104
一旦我学会接受
我的身体和它的极限，
我的身体和它的极限，
15:40
I actually did start to feel better.
274
928381
2232
我的确感觉更好了。
15:43
And in the end, I think that's the trick:
275
931405
3849
最后，我想
窍门应该是：
窍门应该是：
15:47
to stop seeing our health as binary,
276
935278
3520
不再把我们的健康状况
看成由两部分组成，
看成由两部分组成，
15:50
between sick and healthy,
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健康和有疾病的，
15:52
well and unwell,
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好和不好的，
15:54
whole and broken;
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完整和有缺陷的；
15:55
to stop thinking that there's some
beautiful, perfect state of wellness
beautiful, perfect state of wellness
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不再认为有一个
完美的健康状况
完美的健康状况
16:00
to strive for;
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是我们可以达到的；
16:01
and to quit living in a state
of constant dissatisfaction
of constant dissatisfaction
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不要再活在一个
不达到目标就总是不满
不达到目标就总是不满
16:05
until we reach it.
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的状态下。
16:08
Every single one of us
will have our life interrupted,
will have our life interrupted,
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我们每一个人都会
有生活被打乱的时候，
有生活被打乱的时候，
16:14
whether it's by the rip cord
of a diagnosis
of a diagnosis
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无论那是一张诊断书，
16:16
or some other kind of heartbreak
or trauma that brings us to the floor.
or trauma that brings us to the floor.
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还是别的令人心碎、
精神崩溃的事，
精神崩溃的事，
16:22
We need to find ways to live
in the in-between place,
in the in-between place,
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我们需要找到一个在
两种状态中间活着的办法，
两种状态中间活着的办法，
16:27
managing whatever body
and mind we currently have.
and mind we currently have.
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保持当下的身体和心态。
16:32
Sometimes, all it takes is the ingenuity
of a handmade game of Scrabble
of a handmade game of Scrabble
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有时，这需要的只是手工制作
Scrabble的心灵手巧，
Scrabble的心灵手巧，
16:39
or finding that stripped-down
kind of meaning in the love of family
kind of meaning in the love of family
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或只是简简单单的
家庭给予的爱，
家庭给予的爱，
16:43
and a night on the ballroom dance floor,
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亦或是夜晚在舞厅
翩翩起舞，
翩翩起舞，
16:46
or that radical, dangerous hope
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甚至是那危险的，
16:49
that I'm guessing will someday
lead a teenage girl terrified of bugs
lead a teenage girl terrified of bugs
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我猜测，有一天会让那个
怕虫子的小女孩去露营
怕虫子的小女孩去露营
16:53
to go camping.
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的希望。
16:55
If you're able to do that,
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如果你能够
做到这一点，
做到这一点，
16:57
then you've taken the real hero's journey.
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你就已经踏上了
真正的英雄之旅。
真正的英雄之旅。
17:01
You've achieved what it means
to actually be well,
to actually be well,
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你已经达到了
健康的真正目的，
健康的真正目的，
17:06
which is to say: alive, in the messiest,
richest, most whole sense.
richest, most whole sense.
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也就是：在最混乱，最丰富，
一切最完整的感觉中活着。
一切最完整的感觉中活着。
17:13
Thank you, that's all I've got.
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这就是我想分享
的全部了，谢谢。
的全部了，谢谢。
17:14
(Applause)
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（掌声）
17:17
Thank you.
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谢谢。
17:18
(Applause)
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（掌声）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Suleika Jaouad - Writer, teacher, activistWriter Suleika Jaouad is changing the conversation about what it means to thrive in the wake of illness and life's unexpected interruptions.
Why you should listen
When Suleika Jaouad finally walked out of the hospital -- after countless rounds of chemo, a lifesaving clinical trial and a bone marrow transplant -- she was, according to the doctors, "cured." But as she would soon learn, a cure is not where the work of healing ends; it's where it begins. She set out on a 100-day, 15,000-mile road trip across the country to meet some of the people who had written to her during her time in the hospital. Her extraordinary journey resulted in her debut memoir, Between Two Kingdoms.
Jaouad is an Emmy-winning journalist, author, teacher and activist. Her career aspirations as a foreign correspondent were cut short when, at age 22, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She began writing the acclaimed New York Times column and video series "Life, Interrupted" from the front lines of her hospital bed and has since become a fierce advocate for those living with illness and other forms of adversity.
Jaouad served on Barack Obama's Presidential Cancer Panel, and her advocacy work, public speaking and reporting have brought her everywhere from the United Nations and Capitol Hill to a maximum security prison and a two-room schoolhouse in rural Montana.
Suleika Jaouad | Speaker | TED.com