TED2018
Jason B. Rosenthal: The journey through loss and grief
Jason B. Rosenthal: Perjalanan melewati kehilangan dan duka
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Dalam perenungannnya tentang kematian yang sangat blak-blakan, ironis namun lucu, dan dibaca banyak orang, "You May Want to Marry My Husband", mendiang penulis dan sineas Amy Krouse Rosenthal terang-terangan mengizinkan suaminya untuk melanjutkan hidup dan menemukan kebahagiaan. Setahun setelah kepergiannya, Jason menawarkan pandangan jujur akan proses melanjutkan hidup melewati dan bersama kehilangan yang kerap menyiksa -- sekaligus kebijaksanaan yang menenangkan bagi mereka yang sedang mengalami duka yang mengubah hidup.
Jason B. Rosenthal - Advocate, artist
When Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life." Full bio
When Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
There are three words
that explain why I am here.
that explain why I am here.
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Ada tiga kata yang menjelaskan
mengapa saya ada di sini,
mengapa saya ada di sini,
00:17
They are "Amy Krouse Rosenthal."
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yakni "Amy Krouse Rosenthal."
00:23
At the end of Amy's life,
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Di akhir hayat Amy,
00:24
hyped up on morphine and home in hospice,
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di bawah pengaruh morfin
dan dirawat di rumah,
dan dirawat di rumah,
00:28
the "New York Times"
published an article she wrote
published an article she wrote
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"New York Times" menerbitkan
artikel yang ia tulis
artikel yang ia tulis
00:30
for the "Modern Love" column
on March 3, 2017.
on March 3, 2017.
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untuk kolom "Modern Love"
edisi 3 Maret 2017.
edisi 3 Maret 2017.
00:35
It was read worldwide
by over five million people.
by over five million people.
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Dibaca lebih dari
lima juta orang di seluruh dunia.
lima juta orang di seluruh dunia.
00:39
The piece was unbearably sad,
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tulisan itu sedih tak terkira,
00:42
ironically funny
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ironis namun lucu,
00:44
and brutally honest.
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dan sangat blak-blakan.
00:47
While it was certainly
about our life together,
about our life together,
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Meski jelas menceritakan
tentang kehidupan kami berdua,
tentang kehidupan kami berdua,
00:49
the focus of the piece was me.
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fokusnya adalah saya.
00:53
It was called, "You May
Want to Marry My Husband."
Want to Marry My Husband."
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Judulnya,
"Anda Mungkin Mau Menikahi Suamiku."
"Anda Mungkin Mau Menikahi Suamiku."
00:56
It was a creative play
on a personal ad for me.
on a personal ad for me.
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Sebuah iklan diri yang kreatif
tentang saya.
tentang saya.
01:00
Amy quite literally left
an empty space for me to fill
an empty space for me to fill
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Amy jelas meninggalkan
ruang kosong untuk saya isi
ruang kosong untuk saya isi
01:04
with another love story.
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dengan kisah cinta yang lain.
01:07
Amy was my wife for half my life.
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Amy-lah istri selama separuh hidup saya.
01:10
She was my partner in raising
three wonderful, now grown children,
three wonderful, now grown children,
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Dialah rekan dalam membesarkan
tiga anak kami yang kini sudah dewasa,
tiga anak kami yang kini sudah dewasa,
01:15
and really, she was my girl, you know?
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dan dia benar-benar gadis pujaan saya.
01:17
We had so much in common.
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Kami punya banyak kesamaan.
01:20
We loved the same art,
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Kami menyukai karya seni,
01:21
the same documentaries, the same music.
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film dokumenter, dan musik yang sama.
01:24
Music was a huge part
of our life together.
of our life together.
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Musik berperan besar
dalam kehidupan kami berdua.
dalam kehidupan kami berdua.
01:27
And we shared the same values.
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Nilai-nilai hidup kami pun sama.
01:30
We were in love,
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Kami saling mencintai,
01:31
and our love grew stronger
up until her last day.
up until her last day.
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dan cinta kami terus menguat
hingga hari kepergiannya.
hingga hari kepergiannya.
01:37
Amy was a prolific author.
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Amy adalah penulis yang produktif.
01:39
In addition to two groundbreaking memoirs,
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Selain dua memoar yang inventif,
01:41
she published over 30 children's books.
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dia menerbitkan lebih dari
30 buku anak.
30 buku anak.
Secara anumerta, buku yang ditulisnya
bersama anak kami, Paris,
bersama anak kami, Paris,
01:45
Posthumously, the book she wrote
with our daughter Paris,
with our daughter Paris,
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01:47
called "Dear Girl,"
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berjudul "Dear Girl",
01:49
reached the number one position
on the "New York Times" bestseller list.
on the "New York Times" bestseller list.
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mencapai posisi pertama dalam
daftar buku terlaris "New York Times".
daftar buku terlaris "New York Times".
01:54
She was a self-described tiny filmmaker.
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Amy menyebut dirinya sendiri
sineas kecil-kecilan.
sineas kecil-kecilan.
01:57
She was 5'1" and her films
were not that long.
were not that long.
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Tinggi badannya 152 cm dan
durasi filmnya pun tak lama.
durasi filmnya pun tak lama.
02:00
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
02:01
Her films exemplified her natural ability
to gather people together.
to gather people together.
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Film-film Amy mencerminkan kemampuan
alaminya untuk menyatukan orang.
alaminya untuk menyatukan orang.
02:07
She was also a terrific public speaker,
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Ia juga seorang pembicara publik
yang luar biasa,
yang luar biasa,
02:09
talking with children
and adults of all ages
and adults of all ages
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berbincang dengan anak-anak
hingga orang dewasa
hingga orang dewasa
02:12
all over the world.
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di seluruh dunia.
Kini, kisah duka saya menjadi unik
hanya karena berkesan terbuka.
hanya karena berkesan terbuka.
02:15
Now, my story of grief is only unique
in the sense of it being rather public.
in the sense of it being rather public.
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02:19
However, the grieving process itself
was not my story alone.
was not my story alone.
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Namun proses berkabung sendiri
bukan cuma pengalaman saya seorang.
bukan cuma pengalaman saya seorang.
02:25
Amy gave me permission to move forward,
and I'm so grateful for that.
and I'm so grateful for that.
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Amy mengizinkan saya untuk terus hidup,
dan saya amat mensyukurinya.
dan saya amat mensyukurinya.
02:30
Now, just a little over a year
into my new life,
into my new life,
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Kini, setelah lebih dari setahun
menjalani kehidupan baru,
menjalani kehidupan baru,
02:33
I've learned a few things.
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saya belajar beberapa hal.
Saya akan berbagi
sebagian proses melanjutkan hidup
sebagian proses melanjutkan hidup
02:35
I'm here to share with you
part of the process of moving forward
part of the process of moving forward
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02:38
through and with grief.
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melewati dan bersama rasa duka.
02:42
But before I do that,
I think it would be important
I think it would be important
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Tapi sebelumnya,
menurut saya penting untuk
menurut saya penting untuk
02:44
to talk a little bit
about the end of life,
about the end of life,
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menyinggung sedikit tentang kematian
02:46
because it forms how I have been
emotionally since then.
emotionally since then.
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karena hal itulah
yang membentuk kondisi emosi saya.
yang membentuk kondisi emosi saya.
02:50
Death is such a taboo subject, right?
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Kematian adalah topik yang tabu, 'kan?
02:54
Amy ate her last meal on January 9, 2017.
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Amy terakhir makan pada 9 Januari 2017.
02:58
She somehow lived an additional two months
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Entah bagaimana dia bisa
bertahan dua bulan
bertahan dua bulan
03:01
without solid food.
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tanpa makanan padat.
03:03
Her doctors told us
we could do hospice at home
we could do hospice at home
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Para dokter memberi tahu bahwa
kami bisa merawatnya di rumah
kami bisa merawatnya di rumah
03:07
or in the hospital.
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atau di rumah sakit.
03:09
They did not tell us that Amy
would shrink to half her body weight,
would shrink to half her body weight,
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Mereka tak memberi tahu bahwa Amy akan
menyusut hingga setengah berat badannya,
menyusut hingga setengah berat badannya,
03:13
that she would never lay
with her husband again,
with her husband again,
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bahwa dia tak lagi bisa tidur
dengan suaminya,
dengan suaminya,
03:16
and that walking upstairs to our bedroom
would soon feel like running a marathon.
would soon feel like running a marathon.
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dan menaiki tangga menuju kamar kami
akan terasa seperti maraton baginya.
akan terasa seperti maraton baginya.
03:22
Home hospice does have an aura of being
a beautiful environment to die in.
a beautiful environment to die in.
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Perawatan rumah memang terkesan
seperti kondisi yang ideal untuk mati.
seperti kondisi yang ideal untuk mati.
03:27
How great that you don't have
the sounds of machines beeping
the sounds of machines beeping
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Betapa nyaman jika Anda tak perlu
mendengar bunyi mesin
mendengar bunyi mesin
03:30
and going on and off all the time,
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menyala dan mati setiap saat,
03:33
no disruptions for mandatory
drug administration,
drug administration,
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tidak terganggu
jadwal rutin pemberian obat,
jadwal rutin pemberian obat,
03:37
home with your family to die.
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meninggal di rumah dikelilingi keluarga.
03:42
We did our best to make those weeks
as meaningful as we could.
as meaningful as we could.
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Sebisa mungkin, kami menjadikan
minggu-minggu terakhir itu berarti.
minggu-minggu terakhir itu berarti.
03:46
We talked often about death.
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Kami kerap membicarakan kematian.
03:48
Everybody knows it's going
to happen to them, like, for sure,
to happen to them, like, for sure,
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Semua orang tahu bahwa
mereka pasti akan mati,
mereka pasti akan mati,
03:52
but being able to talk openly
about it was liberating.
about it was liberating.
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tapi membicarakannya dengan terbuka
terasa membebaskan.
terasa membebaskan.
03:57
We talked about subjects like parenting.
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Kami bicara tentang pengasuhan anak.
04:00
I asked Amy how I could be the best parent
possible to our children in her absence.
possible to our children in her absence.
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Saya menanyakan pada Amy, cara terbaik
mengasuh anak tanpa kehadirannya.
mengasuh anak tanpa kehadirannya.
04:06
In those conversations,
she gave me confidence
she gave me confidence
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Dalam pembicaraan itu,
dia membuat saya percaya diri
dia membuat saya percaya diri
04:08
by stressing what a great relationship
I had with each one of them,
I had with each one of them,
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dengan menekankan kuatnya hubungan
saya dan masing-masing anak kami.
saya dan masing-masing anak kami.
04:12
and that I can do it.
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Dia yakin saya bisa.
04:15
I know there will be many times
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Saya sadar akan ada banyak waktu
04:17
where I wish she and I
can make decisions together.
can make decisions together.
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ketika saya berharap bisa membuat
keputusan bersamanya.
keputusan bersamanya.
04:20
We were always so in sync.
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Kami selalu selaras.
04:24
May I be so audacious as to suggest
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Kalau boleh, saya sarankan
04:26
that you have these conversations now,
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Anda membicarakannya sekarang
04:30
when healthy.
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selama masih sehat.
04:32
Please don't wait.
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Mohon jangan menundanya.
04:36
As part of our hospice experience,
we organized groups of visitors.
we organized groups of visitors.
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Sebagai bagian dari perawatan rumah,
kami mengatur waktu kunjungan.
kami mengatur waktu kunjungan.
04:40
How brave of Amy to receive them,
even as she began her physical decline.
even as she began her physical decline.
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Amy begitu tegar menerima mereka,
bahkan saat fisiknya terus melemah.
bahkan saat fisiknya terus melemah.
04:45
We had a Krouse night,
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Ada waktu bagi keluarga Krouse,
04:47
her parents and three siblings.
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orangtua dan tiga saudaranya.
04:49
Friends and family were next.
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Kemudian teman dan keluarga lain.
04:51
Each told beautiful stories
of Amy and of us.
of Amy and of us.
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Masing-masing bercerita yang baik
tentang Amy dan kami.
tentang Amy dan kami.
04:55
Amy made an immense impact
on her loyal friends.
on her loyal friends.
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Amy punya dampak besar
pada teman-teman terdekatnya.
pada teman-teman terdekatnya.
05:00
But home hospice is not so beautiful
for the surviving family members.
for the surviving family members.
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Tapi perawatan rumah tak seindah itu
bagi keluarga yang ditinggalkan.
bagi keluarga yang ditinggalkan.
Saya akan berbagi hal yang sangat personal
bahwa hingga hari ini
bahwa hingga hari ini
05:05
I want to get a little personal here
and tell you that to this date,
and tell you that to this date,
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05:09
I have memories of those
final weeks that haunt me.
final weeks that haunt me.
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saya masih dihantui ingatan
akan minggu-minggu terakhir itu.
akan minggu-minggu terakhir itu.
05:14
I remember walking backwards
to the bathroom,
to the bathroom,
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Saya ingat berjalan mundur ke kamar mandi,
05:18
assisting Amy with each step.
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menuntun Amy selangkah demi selangkah.
05:21
I felt so strong.
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Rasanya, saya begitu kuat.
05:23
I'm not such a big guy,
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Tubuh saya tak besar,
05:25
but my arms looked and felt so healthy
compared to Amy's frail body.
compared to Amy's frail body.
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tapi lengan saya terlihat dan terasa
lebih bugar daripada tubuh ringkihnya.
lebih bugar daripada tubuh ringkihnya.
05:31
And that body failed in our house.
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Dan tubuh itu menyerah di rumah kami.
05:36
On March 13 of last year,
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Pada 13 Maret tahun lalu,
05:40
my wife died of ovarian cancer in our bed.
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istri saya direnggut oleh kanker rahim
di tempat tidur kami.
di tempat tidur kami.
05:46
I carried her lifeless body
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Saya mengangkat
tubuh tak bernyawanya
tubuh tak bernyawanya
05:50
down our stairs,
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menuruni tangga,
05:53
through our dining room
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melewati ruang makan
05:56
and our living room
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dan ruang keluarga kami
05:58
to a waiting gurney
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ke brankar yang menunggu
06:01
to have her body cremated.
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untuk membawanya ke krematorium.
06:04
I will never get that image
out of my head.
out of my head.
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Bayangan itu tak akan hilang
dari kepala.
dari kepala.
06:07
If you know someone who has been
through the hospice experience,
through the hospice experience,
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Jika Anda kenal orang yang pernah
mengalami perawatan rumah,
mengalami perawatan rumah,
06:10
acknowledge that.
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hormatilah.
06:11
Just say you heard this guy Jason
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Bilang saja Anda dengar dari Jason
06:13
talk about how tough it must be
to have those memories
to have those memories
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tentang beratnya menghadapi
kenangan seperti itu
kenangan seperti itu
06:15
and that you're there
if they ever want to talk about it.
if they ever want to talk about it.
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dan Anda siap mendengarkan
jika mereka ingin bercerita.
jika mereka ingin bercerita.
06:18
They may not want to talk,
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Mungkin mereka enggan bercerita,
06:20
but it's nice to connect with someone
living each day with those lasting images.
living each day with those lasting images.
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tapi rasanya menenangkan bisa tahu
ada yang mengalami hal serupa.
ada yang mengalami hal serupa.
06:27
I know this sounds unbelievable,
but I've never been asked that question.
but I've never been asked that question.
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Ini sulit dipercaya, tapi belum ada
yang bilang begitu pada saya.
yang bilang begitu pada saya.
06:32
Amy's essay caused me
to experience grief in a public way.
to experience grief in a public way.
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Artikel Amy membuat saya mengalami duka
secara terbuka.
secara terbuka.
06:37
Many of the readers who reached out to me
wrote beautiful words of reflection.
wrote beautiful words of reflection.
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Banyak pembaca yang menghubungi saya
menuliskan kata-kata renungan yang indah.
menuliskan kata-kata renungan yang indah.
06:41
The scope of Amy's impact
was deeper and richer
was deeper and richer
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Dampak yang Amy buat
menjangkau jauh lebih dalam, lebih kaya
menjangkau jauh lebih dalam, lebih kaya
06:44
than even us and her family knew.
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dari yang kami dan keluarganya ketahui.
06:48
Some of the responses I received helped me
with the intense grieving process
with the intense grieving process
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Sebagian respons itu membantu saya
melewati proses berkabung yang hebat
melewati proses berkabung yang hebat
06:52
because of their humor,
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karena rasa humor mereka.
06:54
like this email I received
from a woman reader
from a woman reader
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Seperti surel ini, yang saya terima dari
06:56
who read the article, declaring,
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seorang pembaca wanita. Katanya,
07:00
"I will marry you when you are ready --
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"Aku akan menikahimu saat kau siap --
07:02
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
07:03
"provided you permanently stop drinking.
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asal kau berhenti minum alkohol selamanya.
07:07
No other conditions.
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Tak ada syarat lain.
07:09
I promise to outlive you.
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Aku janji akan mati setelah kau.
07:11
Thank you very much."
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Terima kasih banyak."
07:14
Now, I do like a good tequila,
but that really is not my issue.
but that really is not my issue.
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Nah, saya masih suka tequila,
tapi bukan itu masalahnya.
tapi bukan itu masalahnya.
07:19
Yet how could I say no to that proposal?
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Tetap saja, bagaimana bisa
saya menolaknya?
saya menolaknya?
07:21
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
07:23
I laughed through the tears when I read
this note from a family friend:
this note from a family friend:
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Saya tertawa sambil menangis saat
membaca pesan dari seorang kerabat:
membaca pesan dari seorang kerabat:
07:28
"I remember Shabbat dinners at your home
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"Aku ingat saat makan malam Sabat
di rumahmu
di rumahmu
07:30
and Amy teaching me
how to make cornbread croutons.
how to make cornbread croutons.
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dan Amy mengajariku
membuat roti kering dari kue jagung.
membuat roti kering dari kue jagung.
07:34
Only Amy could find
creativity in croutons."
creativity in croutons."
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Cuma Amy yang bisa sekreatif itu."
07:38
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
07:42
On July 27, just a few months
after Amy's death,
after Amy's death,
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Pada 27 Juli, beberapa bulan
setelah kepergian Amy,
setelah kepergian Amy,
07:46
my dad died of complications
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ayah saya meninggal karena
07:47
related to a decades-long battle
with Parkinson's disease.
with Parkinson's disease.
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komplikasi penyakit Parkinson
yang diidapnya berpuluh-puluh tahun.
yang diidapnya berpuluh-puluh tahun.
07:52
I had to wonder: How much
can the human condition handle?
can the human condition handle?
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Saya bertanya-tanya:
Seberapa jauh manusia bisa menanggung ini?
Seberapa jauh manusia bisa menanggung ini?
07:56
What makes us capable
of dealing with this intense loss
of dealing with this intense loss
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Apa yang membuat kita kuat menghadapi
rasa kehilangan yang hebat,
rasa kehilangan yang hebat,
07:59
and yet carry on?
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namun tetap bisa bertahan?
08:02
Was this a test?
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Apakah ini ujian?
08:04
Why my family and my amazing children?
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Mengapa keluarga dan anak-anak saya?
08:08
Looking for answers, I regret to say,
is a lifelong mission,
is a lifelong mission,
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Mencari jawaban itu, sayangnya,
adalah misi seumur hidup.
adalah misi seumur hidup.
08:12
but the key to my being able to persevere
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Namun kunci kegigihan saya
08:16
is Amy's expressed and very public edict
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adalah deklarasi Amy
yang begitu terbuka dan jelas
yang begitu terbuka dan jelas
08:20
that I must go on.
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bahwa saya harus melanjutkan hidup.
08:23
Throughout this year,
I have done just that.
I have done just that.
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Sepanjang tahun ini,
hanya itu yang saya lakukan.
hanya itu yang saya lakukan.
08:26
I have attempted to step out
and seek the joy and the beauty
and seek the joy and the beauty
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Saya berusaha keluar
dan mencari keceriaan dan keindahan
dan mencari keceriaan dan keindahan
08:30
that I know this life
is capable of providing.
is capable of providing.
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yang saya tahu selalu bisa
disediakan oleh hidup.
disediakan oleh hidup.
08:36
But here's the reality:
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Namun ini kenyataannya:
08:38
those family gatherings,
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pertemuan keluarga,
08:40
attending weddings
and events honoring Amy,
and events honoring Amy,
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hadir di acara pernikahan
dan peringatan untuk Amy,
dan peringatan untuk Amy,
08:42
as loving as they are,
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selembut apa pun kasih mereka,
08:44
have all been very difficult to endure.
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tetaplah sangat sulit untuk dijalani.
08:48
People say I'm amazing.
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Orang bilang saya hebat,
08:49
"How do you handle yourself
that way during those times?"
that way during those times?"
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"Bagaimana kau bisa membawa diri
melewati masa-masa itu?"
melewati masa-masa itu?"
08:52
They say, "You do it with such grace."
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Kata mereka,
"Kau menjalaninya dengan tenang."
"Kau menjalaninya dengan tenang."
08:56
Well, guess what?
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Yah, coba tebak?
08:58
I really am sad a lot of the time.
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Saya merasa amat sedih setiap waktu.
09:02
I often feel like I'm kind of a mess,
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Saya sering merasa berantakan,
09:05
and I know these feelings
apply to other surviving spouses,
apply to other surviving spouses,
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dan saya tahu perasaan ini
juga terjadi kepada pasangan,
juga terjadi kepada pasangan,
09:09
children, parents
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anak, orangtua,
09:12
and other family members.
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dan keluarga yang ditinggalkan.
09:16
In Japanese Zen, there is a term "Shoji,"
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Dalam konsep Zen dari Jepang,
ada istilah "Shoji,"
ada istilah "Shoji,"
09:18
which translates as "birth death."
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yang terjemahannya "lahir-mati."
09:21
There is no separation
between life and death
between life and death
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Tak ada pemisahan antara
lahir dan mati
lahir dan mati
09:24
other than a thin line
that connects the two.
that connects the two.
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selain garis tipis
yang menghubungkannya.
yang menghubungkannya.
09:28
Birth, or the joyous,
wonderful, vital parts of life,
wonderful, vital parts of life,
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Kelahiran, atau bagian hidup
yang riang, indah, dan vital,
yang riang, indah, dan vital,
09:32
and death, those things
we want to get rid of,
we want to get rid of,
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dan kematian, hal-hal
yang ingin kita singkirkan,
yang ingin kita singkirkan,
09:35
are said to be faced equally.
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katanya harus dihadapi
dengan setara.
dengan setara.
09:38
In this new life that I find myself in,
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Dalam hidup baru
yang sekarang saya jalani,
yang sekarang saya jalani,
09:40
I am doing my best to embrace this concept
as I move forward with grieving.
as I move forward with grieving.
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saya berusaha merangkul konsep itu
sebaik mungkin sambil menghadapi duka.
sebaik mungkin sambil menghadapi duka.
09:47
In the early months
following Amy's death, though,
following Amy's death, though,
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Toh, pada bulan-bulan awal
setelah kematian Amy,
setelah kematian Amy,
09:50
I was sure that the feeling of despair
would be ever-present,
would be ever-present,
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saya yakin bahwa perasaan putus asa itu
akan selalu hadir,
akan selalu hadir,
09:53
that it would be all-consuming.
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akan sangat menguasai saya.
09:56
Soon I was fortunate
to receive some promising advice.
to receive some promising advice.
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Tak lama, saya beruntung
bisa menerima nasihat yang optimistis.
bisa menerima nasihat yang optimistis.
10:01
Many members of the losing-a-spouse club
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Banyak anggota kelab kehilangan pasangan
10:03
reached out to me.
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yang menghubungi saya.
10:05
One friend in particular who had also
lost her life partner kept repeating,
lost her life partner kept repeating,
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Seorang teman yang juga pernah
kehilangan pasangan berulang kali berkata,
kehilangan pasangan berulang kali berkata,
10:10
"Jason, you will find joy."
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"Jason, kau akan menemukan keceriaan."
10:14
I didn't even know
what she was talking about.
what she was talking about.
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Saya awalnya tak mengerti
apa yang ia katakan.
apa yang ia katakan.
10:16
How was that possible?
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Bagaimana bisa?
10:19
But because Amy gave me
very public permission
very public permission
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Namun karena secara terbuka
Amy telah mengizinkan
Amy telah mengizinkan
10:22
to also find happiness,
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saya menemukan kebahagiaan,
10:25
I now have experienced joy
from time to time.
from time to time.
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kini saya bisa mengalami sukacita
dari waktu ke waktu.
dari waktu ke waktu.
10:29
There it was, dancing the night away
at an LCD Soundsystem concert,
at an LCD Soundsystem concert,
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Ada di sana, saat berdansa semalaman
di konser LCD Soundsystem,
di konser LCD Soundsystem,
10:35
traveling with my brother and best friend
or with a college buddy on a boys' trip
or with a college buddy on a boys' trip
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melancong dengan saudara dan sahabat,
atau teman kuliah saat trip khusus cowok
atau teman kuliah saat trip khusus cowok
10:39
to meet a group of great guys
I never met before.
I never met before.
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bertemu orang-orang hebat yang
baru dikenal.
baru dikenal.
10:42
From observing that my deck had sun
beating down on it on a cold day,
beating down on it on a cold day,
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Saat mengamati beranda rumah dilimpahi
sinar matahari pada hari yang dingin,
sinar matahari pada hari yang dingin,
10:47
stepping out in it, laying there,
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melangkah di atasnya, lalu berbaring,
10:50
the warmth consuming my body.
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membiarkan kehangatan menyelimuti saya.
10:54
The joy comes from my three
stunning children.
stunning children.
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Sukacita yang datang dari tiga anak saya
yang menakjubkan.
yang menakjubkan.
11:00
There was my son Justin,
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Anak laki-laki saya, Justin,
11:02
texting me a picture of himself
with an older gentleman
with an older gentleman
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mengirimkan fotonya dengan
seorang pria tua
seorang pria tua
11:05
with a massive, strong forearm
and the caption, "I just met Popeye,"
and the caption, "I just met Popeye,"
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berlengan besar dan kekar,
dan menulis pesan, "Aku ketemu Popeye,"
dan menulis pesan, "Aku ketemu Popeye,"
11:10
with a huge grin on his face.
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sambil menyeringai lebar.
11:11
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
11:13
There was his brother Miles,
walking to the train
walking to the train
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Kakak laki-lakinya, Miles,
saat memasuki kereta
saat memasuki kereta
11:15
for his first day of work
after graduating college,
after graduating college,
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pada hari pertama kerja
setelah menamatkan kuliah,
setelah menamatkan kuliah,
11:19
who stopped and looked
back at me and asked,
back at me and asked,
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berhenti, berbalik ke saya
seraya bertanya,
seraya bertanya,
11:21
"What am I forgetting?"
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"Apa ada yang tertinggal?"
11:23
I assured him right away,
"You are 100 percent ready. You got this."
"You are 100 percent ready. You got this."
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Saya langsung meyakinkannya,
"Kau sudah 100% siap. Kau pasti bisa."
"Kau sudah 100% siap. Kau pasti bisa."
11:28
And my daughter Paris,
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Dan anak perempuan saya, Paris,
11:29
walking together
through Battersea Park in London,
through Battersea Park in London,
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berjalan bersama saya
melalui Battersea Park di London,
melalui Battersea Park di London,
11:32
the leaves piled high,
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dedaunan bertumpuk tinggi,
11:34
the sun glistening in the early morning
on our way to yoga.
on our way to yoga.
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matahari berkilauan di pagi hari
saat kami menuju tempat yoga.
saat kami menuju tempat yoga.
11:40
I would add that beauty
is also there to discover,
is also there to discover,
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Perlu saya tambahkan bahwa keindahan
ada di sana untuk ditemukan.
ada di sana untuk ditemukan.
11:44
and I mean beauty of the wabi-sabi variety
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Maksud saya, keindahan berjenis wabi-sabi
11:46
but beauty nonetheless.
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namun bagaimanapun tetap indah.
11:49
On the one hand, when I see something
in this category, I want to say,
in this category, I want to say,
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Pada satu sisi, saat melihat
suatu hal seperti ini, saya ingin bilang,
suatu hal seperti ini, saya ingin bilang,
11:52
"Amy, did you see that? Did you hear that?
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"Amy, apa kau lihat juga? Kau dengar?
11:54
It's too beautiful
for you not to share with me."
for you not to share with me."
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Terlalu cantik untuk tak
kaubagi denganku."
kaubagi denganku."
12:00
On the other hand,
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Pada sisi lain,
12:02
I now experience these moments
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kini saya mengalami momen-momen ini
12:04
in an entirely new way.
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dengan sama sekali berbeda.
12:08
There was the beauty I found in music,
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Ada keindahan yang saya temukan di musik,
12:11
like the moment in the newest
Manchester Orchestra album,
Manchester Orchestra album,
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seperti saat mendengarkan
album terbaru Manchester Orchestra,
album terbaru Manchester Orchestra,
12:14
when the song "The Alien"
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ketika lagu "The Alien"
12:16
seamlessly transitions
into "The Sunshine,"
into "The Sunshine,"
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beralih dengan mulus ke "The Sunshine",
12:19
or the haunting beauty
of Luke Sital-Singh's "Killing Me,"
of Luke Sital-Singh's "Killing Me,"
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atau keindahan yang mengusik dari
lagu "Killing Me" oleh Luke Sital-Singh,
lagu "Killing Me" oleh Luke Sital-Singh,
12:24
whose chorus reads,
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yang refreinnya berbunyi,
12:26
"And it's killing me
that you're not here with me.
that you're not here with me.
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"Dan ini membunuhku
bahwa kau tak di sini bersamaku.
bahwa kau tak di sini bersamaku.
12:30
I'm living happily,
but I'm feeling guilty."
but I'm feeling guilty."
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Aku hidup bahagia,
namun aku merasa berdosa."
namun aku merasa berdosa."
12:35
There is beauty in the simple moments
that life has to offer,
that life has to offer,
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Ada keindahan dalam momen sederhana
yang dibawa oleh hidup --
yang dibawa oleh hidup --
12:40
a way of seeing that world
that was so much a part of Amy's DNA,
that was so much a part of Amy's DNA,
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cara untuk melihatnya menjadi
bagian besar dari DNA Amy --
bagian besar dari DNA Amy --
12:44
like on my morning commute,
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seperti ketika berangkat di pagi hari,
12:46
looking at the sun
reflecting off of Lake Michigan,
reflecting off of Lake Michigan,
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menatap pantulan matahari
pada permukaan Danau Michigan,
pada permukaan Danau Michigan,
12:49
or stopping and truly seeing
how the light shines
how the light shines
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atau berhenti dan seutuhnya memandang
bagaimana cahaya bersinar
bagaimana cahaya bersinar
12:53
at different times of the day
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pada bagian hari yang berbeda
12:55
in the house we built together;
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di dalam rumah yang kami bangun bersama;
12:59
even after a Chicago storm,
noticing the fresh buildup of snow
noticing the fresh buildup of snow
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bahkan setelah badai di Chicago,
memperhatikan tumpukan salju yang baru
memperhatikan tumpukan salju yang baru
13:03
throughout the neighborhood;
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di sepanjang lingkungan rumah;
13:05
or peeking into my daughter's room
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atau mengintip kamar anak perempuan saya
13:08
as she's practicing the bass guitar.
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saat ia sedang berlatih bas.
13:13
Listen, I want to make it clear
that I'm a very fortunate person.
that I'm a very fortunate person.
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Dengarlah, saya ingin memperjelas
bahwa saya amat beruntung.
bahwa saya amat beruntung.
13:18
I have the most amazing family
that loves and supports me.
that loves and supports me.
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Saya punya keluarga yang luar biasa,
yang menyayangi dan mendukung saya.
yang menyayangi dan mendukung saya.
13:22
I have the resources for personal growth
during my time of grief.
during my time of grief.
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Saya punya sumber daya untuk berkembang
pada waktu-waktu berduka.
pada waktu-waktu berduka.
13:27
But whether it's a divorce,
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Tapi apakah itu perceraian,
13:30
losing a job you worked so hard at
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kehilangan pekerjaan
yang Anda perjuangkan,
yang Anda perjuangkan,
13:33
or having a family member die suddenly
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atau anggota keluarga yang meninggal
13:35
or of a slow-moving and painful death,
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baik dengan tiba-tiba maupun
perlahan dan menyakitkan,
perlahan dan menyakitkan,
13:38
I would like to offer you
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saya ingin menawarkan Anda
13:40
what I was given:
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anugerah yang saya dapat:
13:43
a blank of sheet of paper.
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secarik kertas kosong.
13:47
What will you do
with your intentional empty space,
with your intentional empty space,
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Apa yang akan Anda perbuat
pada ruang kosong milik Anda,
pada ruang kosong milik Anda,
13:51
with your fresh start?
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dengan awal yang baru?
13:55
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
13:57
(Applause)
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(Tepuk tangan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jason B. Rosenthal - Advocate, artistWhen Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life."
Why you should listen
Jason B. Rosenthal writes: "I have practiced law and developed real estate in Chicago for half of my life. But that is only what I did 9 to 5. What made me better at my profession -- and as a human being getting through each day -- was realizing my thirst for learning and doing. I practiced yoga intensely; I traveled the world with my wife and my family; I learned to paint and made a home studio; and I developed a passion for cooking. I would not have called myself the most passionate student when I was in school, but in my adult life I have read with a thirst for knowledge -- everything from the most meaty fiction, fascinating nonfiction and magazines. My family is what makes me who I am today.
"I was married to the most amazing woman for half of my life. We raised three incredible children in Chicago, a culturally vibrant and livable city with people of good midwestern values. When my bride died of ovarian cancer after 26 years of marriage, I got in touch with real pain. I immediately reevaluated my life's work. I had talked for years about whether my chosen career path gave me real fulfillment. I am now the executive director of a nonprofit organization created in Amy's name, the Amy Krouse Rosenthal Foundation. I am fueled by its mission to provide programs that encourage child literacy and funding for early detection of ovarian cancer. My future is a blank space waiting to be filled."
Jason B. Rosenthal | Speaker | TED.com