TED2018
Jason B. Rosenthal: The journey through loss and grief
傑森 B. 羅森索: 失去與哀悼的旅程
Filmed:
Readability: 3.7
1,888,751 views
已故的作者兼電影工作者艾米．克魯塞．羅森塔爾，在她針對死亡所寫的一篇極誠實、有著諷刺趣味，且被廣大讀者閱讀的文章「你可能會想要嫁給我先生」中，她非常公開地給了她丈夫傑森許可，要他繼續向前走，找到幸福。她過世後一年，傑森來分享了他坦率的洞見，談的是這個通常很難忍受的過程，帶著失去、走過失去的過程——也帶來一些智慧，提供其他正在經驗改變人生之悲慟的人做參考。
Jason B. Rosenthal - Advocate, artist
When Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life." Full bio
When Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
There are three words
that explain why I am here.
that explain why I am here.
0
1087
3313
用九個字可以解釋
為什麼我會在這裡。
為什麼我會在這裡。
00:17
They are "Amy Krouse Rosenthal."
1
5400
4560
「艾米．克魯塞．羅森塔爾」。
00:23
At the end of Amy's life,
2
11320
1496
艾米的生命走到終點時，
00:24
hyped up on morphine and home in hospice,
3
12840
2520
她因為嗎啡而興奮，
在家中安寧療護，
在家中安寧療護，
00:28
the "New York Times"
published an article she wrote
published an article she wrote
4
16239
2577
《紐約時報》刊出了一篇她寫的文章，
00:30
for the "Modern Love" column
on March 3, 2017.
on March 3, 2017.
5
18840
3080
刊在 2017 年 3 月 3 日的
《摩登情愛》專欄。
《摩登情愛》專欄。
00:35
It was read worldwide
by over five million people.
by over five million people.
6
23160
2720
全世界有超過五百萬人讀這個專欄。
00:39
The piece was unbearably sad,
7
27160
3496
這篇文章讓人悲傷到無法自己，
00:42
ironically funny
8
30680
1735
卻又帶著諷刺的趣味，
00:44
and brutally honest.
9
32439
1561
和殘酷的誠實。
00:47
While it was certainly
about our life together,
about our life together,
10
35200
2656
雖然這篇文章絕對是
在寫我們一起的生活，
在寫我們一起的生活，
00:49
the focus of the piece was me.
11
37880
2400
但焦點是在我身上。
00:53
It was called, "You May
Want to Marry My Husband."
Want to Marry My Husband."
12
41440
3136
文章主題叫做
「你可能會想要嫁給我先生」。
「你可能會想要嫁給我先生」。
00:56
It was a creative play
on a personal ad for me.
on a personal ad for me.
13
44600
3040
那是個為我做的個人廣告，很有創意。
01:00
Amy quite literally left
an empty space for me to fill
an empty space for me to fill
14
48440
3736
艾米真的留了一個空間給我，
讓我填入另一個愛情故事。
01:04
with another love story.
15
52200
1800
01:07
Amy was my wife for half my life.
16
55520
1960
我的人生有一半的時間，
艾米都是我的太太。
艾米都是我的太太。
01:10
She was my partner in raising
three wonderful, now grown children,
three wonderful, now grown children,
17
58360
4736
我們一起養大了三個美好的孩子，
他們現在都已長大，
他們現在都已長大，
01:15
and really, she was my girl, you know?
18
63120
2015
而且，說真的，她是我的女孩。
01:17
We had so much in common.
19
65160
1920
我們有好多共同點。
01:20
We loved the same art,
20
68360
1536
我們愛同樣的藝術、
01:21
the same documentaries, the same music.
21
69920
2616
同樣的紀錄片、同樣的音樂。
01:24
Music was a huge part
of our life together.
of our life together.
22
72560
2856
在我們一起的生活中，
音樂佔了很大一部分。
音樂佔了很大一部分。
01:27
And we shared the same values.
23
75440
1840
我們還有相同的價值觀。
01:30
We were in love,
24
78160
1416
我們愛著彼此，
01:31
and our love grew stronger
up until her last day.
up until her last day.
25
79600
3920
我們的愛不斷成長茁壯，
直到她的最後一天。
直到她的最後一天。
01:37
Amy was a prolific author.
26
85200
1856
艾米是位多產的作家。
01:39
In addition to two groundbreaking memoirs,
27
87080
2536
除了兩本開創性的自傳之外，
01:41
she published over 30 children's books.
28
89640
2400
她還出版了超過三十本童書。
01:45
Posthumously, the book she wrote
with our daughter Paris,
with our daughter Paris,
29
93080
2776
在她過世後，她和我們的女兒
帕里絲一起寫的書
帕里絲一起寫的書
01:47
called "Dear Girl,"
30
95880
1616
《親愛的女孩》，
01:49
reached the number one position
on the "New York Times" bestseller list.
on the "New York Times" bestseller list.
31
97520
3480
爬到《紐約時報》
暢銷書排行榜的第一名。
暢銷書排行榜的第一名。
01:54
She was a self-described tiny filmmaker.
32
102240
2920
她自稱是位小電影工作者。
01:57
She was 5'1" and her films
were not that long.
were not that long.
33
105640
3136
她只有五呎一吋，
且她的電影也沒那麼長。
且她的電影也沒那麼長。
02:00
(Laughter)
34
108800
1016
（笑聲）
02:01
Her films exemplified her natural ability
to gather people together.
to gather people together.
35
109840
4400
她的電影就是很好的例子，
呈現她天生善於把人聚集在一起能力。
呈現她天生善於把人聚集在一起能力。
02:07
She was also a terrific public speaker,
36
115240
2416
她也是位很出色的公開演說家，
02:09
talking with children
and adults of all ages
and adults of all ages
37
117680
3136
演說對象包括兒童
及各種年齡的成人，
及各種年齡的成人，
02:12
all over the world.
38
120840
1200
且到世界各地演說。
02:15
Now, my story of grief is only unique
in the sense of it being rather public.
in the sense of it being rather public.
39
123520
4296
只有一點讓我的悲慟故事很獨特，
那點就是：它是公開的。
那點就是：它是公開的。
02:19
However, the grieving process itself
was not my story alone.
was not my story alone.
40
127840
4800
然而，我的故事不只是哀悼的過程。
02:25
Amy gave me permission to move forward,
and I'm so grateful for that.
and I'm so grateful for that.
41
133920
3480
艾米允許我向前走下去，
我對此心懷感激。
我對此心懷感激。
02:30
Now, just a little over a year
into my new life,
into my new life,
42
138040
3016
進入我的新生活大約一年多之後，
02:33
I've learned a few things.
43
141080
1440
我學到了幾件事。
02:35
I'm here to share with you
part of the process of moving forward
part of the process of moving forward
44
143640
3016
我來這裡和各位分享的，
是我帶著悲慟
是我帶著悲慟
02:38
through and with grief.
45
146680
2040
向前穿過悲慟的過程。
02:42
But before I do that,
I think it would be important
I think it would be important
46
150240
2416
但在我分享之前，我認為必須要
02:44
to talk a little bit
about the end of life,
about the end of life,
47
152680
2056
稍微談談臨終，
02:46
because it forms how I have been
emotionally since then.
emotionally since then.
48
154760
2800
因為它造成了我之後情緒上的狀況。
02:50
Death is such a taboo subject, right?
49
158800
2560
死亡是個禁忌的話題，對吧？
02:54
Amy ate her last meal on January 9, 2017.
50
162440
3480
艾米在 2017 年 1 月 9 日
吃完了她的最後一餐。
吃完了她的最後一餐。
02:58
She somehow lived an additional two months
51
166920
2056
不知怎麼，她又多活了兩個月，
03:01
without solid food.
52
169000
1240
沒有吃固態食物。
03:03
Her doctors told us
we could do hospice at home
we could do hospice at home
53
171480
4136
她的醫生告訴我們，
我們能讓她在家做臨終安寧，
我們能讓她在家做臨終安寧，
03:07
or in the hospital.
54
175640
1240
或在醫院也可以。
03:09
They did not tell us that Amy
would shrink to half her body weight,
would shrink to half her body weight,
55
177960
3976
他們沒有告訴我們，
艾米的體重只剩下一半，
艾米的體重只剩下一半，
03:13
that she would never lay
with her husband again,
with her husband again,
56
181960
2736
且她永遠無法再和
她的丈夫同床共眠，
她的丈夫同床共眠，
03:16
and that walking upstairs to our bedroom
would soon feel like running a marathon.
would soon feel like running a marathon.
57
184720
4240
且走上樓到我們的臥房
很快就變得像跑馬拉松一樣。
很快就變得像跑馬拉松一樣。
03:22
Home hospice does have an aura of being
a beautiful environment to die in.
a beautiful environment to die in.
58
190880
4856
在家安寧，能讓她
在美麗的環境中離開人世。
在美麗的環境中離開人世。
03:27
How great that you don't have
the sounds of machines beeping
the sounds of machines beeping
59
195760
2816
身邊沒有機器一直嗶嗶叫、
03:30
and going on and off all the time,
60
198600
2616
開開關關，這樣有多好？
03:33
no disruptions for mandatory
drug administration,
drug administration,
61
201240
3896
也不用因為強制用藥而被打斷，
03:37
home with your family to die.
62
205160
3680
能在家裡離開人世，
有家人陪伴在身邊。
有家人陪伴在身邊。
03:42
We did our best to make those weeks
as meaningful as we could.
as meaningful as we could.
63
210640
4056
我們盡力而為，
讓最後這幾個星期變得更有意義。
03:46
We talked often about death.
64
214720
2016
我們常常會談死亡。
03:48
Everybody knows it's going
to happen to them, like, for sure,
to happen to them, like, for sure,
65
216760
3536
大家都知道，每個人都一定會死，
03:52
but being able to talk openly
about it was liberating.
about it was liberating.
66
220320
3320
但能開放地談它，
讓人覺得很解放。
讓人覺得很解放。
03:57
We talked about subjects like parenting.
67
225040
2240
我們談的主題包括教養子女。
04:00
I asked Amy how I could be the best parent
possible to our children in her absence.
possible to our children in her absence.
68
228080
4760
我問艾米，當她不在了以後，
我要如何為孩子們扮演最好的爸爸？
我要如何為孩子們扮演最好的爸爸？
04:06
In those conversations,
she gave me confidence
she gave me confidence
69
234000
2576
在那些對談中，她給我信心，
04:08
by stressing what a great relationship
I had with each one of them,
I had with each one of them,
70
236600
3536
強調我和我們的每個孩子
都有很棒的關係，
都有很棒的關係，
04:12
and that I can do it.
71
240160
1680
強調我能做到。
04:15
I know there will be many times
72
243400
1736
我知道將來會有許多時刻，
04:17
where I wish she and I
can make decisions together.
can make decisions together.
73
245160
2976
我會希望她能和我一起做決定。
04:20
We were always so in sync.
74
248160
2200
我們過去總是同頻的。
04:24
May I be so audacious as to suggest
75
252320
2496
我能不能大膽地建議各位
04:26
that you have these conversations now,
76
254840
3776
現在就進行這些談話，
04:30
when healthy.
77
258640
1615
趁還健康時。
04:32
Please don't wait.
78
260279
2001
請不要等。
04:36
As part of our hospice experience,
we organized groups of visitors.
we organized groups of visitors.
79
264240
4016
在我們的安寧過程中，
我們安排了訪客群。
我們安排了訪客群。
04:40
How brave of Amy to receive them,
even as she began her physical decline.
even as she began her physical decline.
80
268280
4120
艾米十分勇敢地接待他們，
即使她的身體狀況已經越來越糟。
即使她的身體狀況已經越來越糟。
04:45
We had a Krouse night,
81
273480
1536
我們有個克魯塞之夜，
04:47
her parents and three siblings.
82
275040
2376
先和她的父母及三個手足。
04:49
Friends and family were next.
83
277440
2336
接下來是朋友和家人。
04:51
Each told beautiful stories
of Amy and of us.
of Amy and of us.
84
279800
2760
每次都訴說了關於艾米
和關於我們的美好故事。
和關於我們的美好故事。
04:55
Amy made an immense impact
on her loyal friends.
on her loyal friends.
85
283560
2920
艾米對她忠誠的朋友
造成了很大的影響。
造成了很大的影響。
05:00
But home hospice is not so beautiful
for the surviving family members.
for the surviving family members.
86
288960
3920
但對於留下來的家人而言，
居家安寧並沒有那麼美好。
居家安寧並沒有那麼美好。
05:05
I want to get a little personal here
and tell you that to this date,
and tell you that to this date,
87
293800
3696
在此我想跟各位說比較
個人化的事，那就是，至今，
個人化的事，那就是，至今，
05:09
I have memories of those
final weeks that haunt me.
final weeks that haunt me.
88
297520
3200
最後這幾週的記憶仍然揮之不去。
05:14
I remember walking backwards
to the bathroom,
to the bathroom,
89
302560
3280
我還記得我倒退著走進廁所，
05:18
assisting Amy with each step.
90
306760
2280
協助艾米踏出每一步。
05:21
I felt so strong.
91
309760
1480
我感到很強壯。
05:23
I'm not such a big guy,
92
311920
1256
我的個頭不高大，
05:25
but my arms looked and felt so healthy
compared to Amy's frail body.
compared to Amy's frail body.
93
313200
5280
但和艾米虛弱的身體相比，
我的手臂看起來且感覺起來好健康。
我的手臂看起來且感覺起來好健康。
05:31
And that body failed in our house.
94
319720
2240
那虛弱的身體，
在我們的家中衰竭了。
在我們的家中衰竭了。
05:36
On March 13 of last year,
95
324640
2000
去年 3 月 13 日，
05:40
my wife died of ovarian cancer in our bed.
96
328160
3720
我太太因為卵巢癌，
在我們的床上過世。
在我們的床上過世。
05:46
I carried her lifeless body
97
334920
1720
我扛著她沒有生命的身體，
05:50
down our stairs,
98
338360
1200
走下我們的樓梯，
05:53
through our dining room
99
341520
1200
穿過我們的餐廳
05:56
and our living room
100
344080
1200
和我們的客廳，
05:58
to a waiting gurney
101
346600
1240
到在那等候著的推床上，
06:01
to have her body cremated.
102
349080
1560
將她的屍體火化。
06:04
I will never get that image
out of my head.
out of my head.
103
352160
2080
我腦中永遠會留有這個影像。
06:07
If you know someone who has been
through the hospice experience,
through the hospice experience,
104
355240
3096
如果你認識一個
曾經經歷過臨終安寧的人，
曾經經歷過臨終安寧的人，
06:10
acknowledge that.
105
358360
1256
請認可他。
06:11
Just say you heard this guy Jason
106
359640
1616
就說，你聽過這個叫傑森的傢伙，
06:13
talk about how tough it must be
to have those memories
to have those memories
107
361280
2616
談過留著那些記憶是多麼艱難的事，
06:15
and that you're there
if they ever want to talk about it.
if they ever want to talk about it.
108
363920
2816
如果他們想要找人談談，
可以隨時找你。
可以隨時找你。
06:18
They may not want to talk,
109
366760
2016
他們可能不會想談，
06:20
but it's nice to connect with someone
living each day with those lasting images.
living each day with those lasting images.
110
368800
5040
但能夠和每天都帶著那些持久記憶
過日子的人有所連結，是很好的。
過日子的人有所連結，是很好的。
06:27
I know this sounds unbelievable,
but I've never been asked that question.
but I've never been asked that question.
111
375280
3480
我知道這聽起來難以置信，
但從來沒有人問過我那個問題。
但從來沒有人問過我那個問題。
06:32
Amy's essay caused me
to experience grief in a public way.
to experience grief in a public way.
112
380600
3200
艾米的文章讓我
以公開的方式經驗這段悲慟。
以公開的方式經驗這段悲慟。
06:37
Many of the readers who reached out to me
wrote beautiful words of reflection.
wrote beautiful words of reflection.
113
385000
3680
有許多讀者向我伸出手，
他們用美麗的文字寫下他們的想法。
他們用美麗的文字寫下他們的想法。
06:41
The scope of Amy's impact
was deeper and richer
was deeper and richer
114
389520
3376
艾米的影響力，
比我們和她的家人所知道的
比我們和她的家人所知道的
06:44
than even us and her family knew.
115
392920
2080
還要更深、更豐富。
06:48
Some of the responses I received helped me
with the intense grieving process
with the intense grieving process
116
396400
3816
我收到的一些回覆，
協助我度過這段強烈的哀悼過程，
協助我度過這段強烈的哀悼過程，
06:52
because of their humor,
117
400240
1200
因為他們的幽默，
06:54
like this email I received
from a woman reader
from a woman reader
118
402440
2176
就像我收到一位女性讀者的郵件，
06:56
who read the article, declaring,
119
404640
2480
她讀了那篇文章，宣稱：
07:00
"I will marry you when you are ready --
120
408160
1896
「當你準備好之後，我會嫁給你──」
07:02
(Laughter)
121
410080
1576
（笑聲）
07:03
"provided you permanently stop drinking.
122
411680
2080
「前提是你要永遠停止飲酒。
07:07
No other conditions.
123
415040
1440
沒有其他條件。
07:09
I promise to outlive you.
124
417560
1440
我保證會活得比你久。
07:11
Thank you very much."
125
419840
1440
非常謝謝你。」
07:14
Now, I do like a good tequila,
but that really is not my issue.
but that really is not my issue.
126
422680
4336
我確實很喜歡好喝的龍舌蘭酒，
但我並沒有酗酒問題。
但我並沒有酗酒問題。
07:19
Yet how could I say no to that proposal?
127
427040
2136
但我要如何對那樣的求婚說不？
07:21
(Laughter)
128
429200
2056
（笑聲）
07:23
I laughed through the tears when I read
this note from a family friend:
this note from a family friend:
129
431280
3920
當我讀到這段我們家人的朋友
寫的文字時，我是笑中帶淚的：
寫的文字時，我是笑中帶淚的：
07:28
"I remember Shabbat dinners at your home
130
436200
2696
「我還記得在你們家吃的安息日晚餐，
07:30
and Amy teaching me
how to make cornbread croutons.
how to make cornbread croutons.
131
438920
3200
艾米教我如何做玉米油炸麵包丁。
07:34
Only Amy could find
creativity in croutons."
creativity in croutons."
132
442880
3680
只有艾米能夠在
油炸麵包丁中找到創意。」
油炸麵包丁中找到創意。」
07:38
(Laughter)
133
446580
1000
（笑聲）
07:42
On July 27, just a few months
after Amy's death,
after Amy's death,
134
450520
3696
7 月 27 日，艾米過世後幾個月，
07:46
my dad died of complications
135
454240
1616
我長期在和帕金森氏症對抗的父親，
07:47
related to a decades-long battle
with Parkinson's disease.
with Parkinson's disease.
136
455880
3440
也因為併發症而過世了。
07:52
I had to wonder: How much
can the human condition handle?
can the human condition handle?
137
460400
3560
我不得不納悶，
一個人能夠承受多少？
一個人能夠承受多少？
07:56
What makes us capable
of dealing with this intense loss
of dealing with this intense loss
138
464680
3216
是什麼讓我們有辦法處理
這麼強烈的失去，
這麼強烈的失去，
07:59
and yet carry on?
139
467920
1680
且還能走下去？
08:02
Was this a test?
140
470360
1736
這是個試煉嗎？
08:04
Why my family and my amazing children?
141
472120
2640
為什麼選上我的家人
和我那麼棒的孩子？
和我那麼棒的孩子？
08:08
Looking for answers, I regret to say,
is a lifelong mission,
is a lifelong mission,
142
476320
3320
很遺憾，我得要說，
尋找這個答案是一生的任務。
尋找這個答案是一生的任務。
08:12
but the key to my being able to persevere
143
480440
3976
但讓我能堅持下去的關鍵，
08:16
is Amy's expressed and very public edict
144
484440
3576
是艾米非常公開的公告，
08:20
that I must go on.
145
488040
1800
要我一定要走下去。
08:23
Throughout this year,
I have done just that.
I have done just that.
146
491520
2400
今年，我就是在做這件事。
08:26
I have attempted to step out
and seek the joy and the beauty
and seek the joy and the beauty
147
494600
4176
我嘗試著踏出去，
尋求我知道這個人生
尋求我知道這個人生
08:30
that I know this life
is capable of providing.
is capable of providing.
148
498800
3400
能夠提供的喜悅和美麗。
08:36
But here's the reality:
149
504320
1240
但現實卻是：
08:38
those family gatherings,
150
506760
1296
那些家庭聚會、
08:40
attending weddings
and events honoring Amy,
and events honoring Amy,
151
508080
2456
出席婚禮，以及追思艾米的活動，
08:42
as loving as they are,
152
510560
2016
雖然都充滿了愛，
08:44
have all been very difficult to endure.
153
512600
2600
但對我來說都好難承受。
08:48
People say I'm amazing.
154
516240
1256
大家都說我很了不起。
08:49
"How do you handle yourself
that way during those times?"
that way during those times?"
155
517520
2696
「你如何能用那樣的方式
來面對那些時刻？」
來面對那些時刻？」
08:52
They say, "You do it with such grace."
156
520240
2520
他們說：「你表現得非常優雅。」
08:56
Well, guess what?
157
524560
1200
你猜怎樣？
08:58
I really am sad a lot of the time.
158
526320
2880
大部分的時候，我其實很傷心。
09:02
I often feel like I'm kind of a mess,
159
530160
3056
我常覺得我自己一團糟，
09:05
and I know these feelings
apply to other surviving spouses,
apply to other surviving spouses,
160
533240
4136
我知道其他留下的遺眷
也都會有那些感受，
也都會有那些感受，
09:09
children, parents
161
537400
2440
配偶、孩子、父母，
09:12
and other family members.
162
540720
1480
及其他家屬都會。
09:16
In Japanese Zen, there is a term "Shoji,"
163
544000
2696
在日本的禪道中，
有個詞叫「shoji」，
有個詞叫「shoji」，
09:18
which translates as "birth death."
164
546720
2600
翻譯為「生死」。
09:21
There is no separation
between life and death
between life and death
165
549920
2776
生與死之間沒有阻隔，
09:24
other than a thin line
that connects the two.
that connects the two.
166
552720
2480
只有一條很細的線連結兩者。
09:28
Birth, or the joyous,
wonderful, vital parts of life,
wonderful, vital parts of life,
167
556280
4576
生，或是說人生中喜悅的、
美好的、充滿活力的部分，
美好的、充滿活力的部分，
09:32
and death, those things
we want to get rid of,
we want to get rid of,
168
560880
2416
以及死，我們想要擺脫的那些事物，
09:35
are said to be faced equally.
169
563320
1960
都要被平等面對。
09:38
In this new life that I find myself in,
170
566680
2176
在我的新人生當中，
09:40
I am doing my best to embrace this concept
as I move forward with grieving.
as I move forward with grieving.
171
568880
5120
我帶著悲慟向前走時，
我盡力而為去擁抱這個概念。
我盡力而為去擁抱這個概念。
09:47
In the early months
following Amy's death, though,
following Amy's death, though,
172
575480
2496
不過，在艾米剛過世的那幾個月，
09:50
I was sure that the feeling of despair
would be ever-present,
would be ever-present,
173
578000
3696
我很確定絕望的感受會經常出現，
09:53
that it would be all-consuming.
174
581720
1760
它會吞噬一切。
09:56
Soon I was fortunate
to receive some promising advice.
to receive some promising advice.
175
584960
3280
沒多久，我很幸運，
收到了很棒的忠告。
收到了很棒的忠告。
10:01
Many members of the losing-a-spouse club
176
589680
2176
失去配偶俱樂部的許多成員
10:03
reached out to me.
177
591880
1200
都向我伸出手。
10:05
One friend in particular who had also
lost her life partner kept repeating,
lost her life partner kept repeating,
178
593680
4656
特別有一位朋友，她也失去了
人生的另一半，她不斷重覆：
人生的另一半，她不斷重覆：
10:10
"Jason, you will find joy."
179
598360
3200
「傑森，你將來會找到喜悅的。」
10:14
I didn't even know
what she was talking about.
what she was talking about.
180
602560
2216
我當時甚至不知道她在說什麼。
10:16
How was that possible?
181
604800
1560
那怎麼有可能？
10:19
But because Amy gave me
very public permission
very public permission
182
607760
2696
但因為艾米非常公開地允許我
10:22
to also find happiness,
183
610480
2080
去找到幸福，
10:25
I now have experienced joy
from time to time.
from time to time.
184
613360
3040
我現在也偶爾會感受到喜悅了。
10:29
There it was, dancing the night away
at an LCD Soundsystem concert,
at an LCD Soundsystem concert,
185
617880
4400
喜悅就這麼出現了，夜晚用 LCD
音響系統聽音樂會時跟著起舞，
音響系統聽音樂會時跟著起舞，
10:35
traveling with my brother and best friend
or with a college buddy on a boys' trip
or with a college buddy on a boys' trip
186
623400
3936
和兄弟及好友旅行，
或和同事伙計來一趟男孩之旅，
或和同事伙計來一趟男孩之旅，
10:39
to meet a group of great guys
I never met before.
I never met before.
187
627360
2320
去認識一群我從來沒有見過
但很棒的先生們。
但很棒的先生們。
10:42
From observing that my deck had sun
beating down on it on a cold day,
beating down on it on a cold day,
188
630840
4856
從觀察到在一個冷天
我的甲板上有陽光照射，
我的甲板上有陽光照射，
10:47
stepping out in it, laying there,
189
635720
2256
我開始走出去，躺在甲板上，
10:50
the warmth consuming my body.
190
638000
2280
讓溫暖充滿我的身體。
10:54
The joy comes from my three
stunning children.
stunning children.
191
642680
4320
喜悅來自我那三位讓人驚奇的孩子。
11:00
There was my son Justin,
192
648920
1616
比如我的兒子賈斯汀，
11:02
texting me a picture of himself
with an older gentleman
with an older gentleman
193
650560
2616
他傳給我一張他和一位
較年長的男士的照片，
較年長的男士的照片，
11:05
with a massive, strong forearm
and the caption, "I just met Popeye,"
and the caption, "I just met Popeye,"
194
653200
4936
那位男士的前臂非常強壯，他加註
「我剛遇到了大力水手卜派」，
「我剛遇到了大力水手卜派」，
11:10
with a huge grin on his face.
195
658160
1696
他臉上是個露齒的大微笑。
11:11
(Laughter)
196
659880
1456
（笑聲）
11:13
There was his brother Miles,
walking to the train
walking to the train
197
661360
2536
還有他的兄弟邁爾斯，走向火車，
11:15
for his first day of work
after graduating college,
after graduating college,
198
663920
2520
那是他大學畢業後第一天去工作，
11:19
who stopped and looked
back at me and asked,
back at me and asked,
199
667400
2096
他停下腳步，回頭看著我，問：
11:21
"What am I forgetting?"
200
669520
1240
「我忘了什麼？」
11:23
I assured him right away,
"You are 100 percent ready. You got this."
"You are 100 percent ready. You got this."
201
671320
3560
我馬上向他保證：「你 100%
準備好了。你沒問題的。」
準備好了。你沒問題的。」
11:28
And my daughter Paris,
202
676040
1816
還有我女兒帕里絲，
11:29
walking together
through Battersea Park in London,
through Battersea Park in London,
203
677880
3016
我和她一起散步穿過
倫敦的巴特西公園，
倫敦的巴特西公園，
11:32
the leaves piled high,
204
680920
1816
樹葉堆得很高，
11:34
the sun glistening in the early morning
on our way to yoga.
on our way to yoga.
205
682760
4120
我們一大清早去做瑜伽的路上，
陽光在閃耀著。
陽光在閃耀著。
11:40
I would add that beauty
is also there to discover,
is also there to discover,
206
688880
3256
我想補充一下，
美麗也在那裡等著被發掘，
美麗也在那裡等著被發掘，
我指的是侘寂多樣性的美麗，
（註：不完美的美學）
（註：不完美的美學）
11:44
and I mean beauty of the wabi-sabi variety
207
692160
2416
11:46
but beauty nonetheless.
208
694600
1600
但也仍然是美麗。
11:49
On the one hand, when I see something
in this category, I want to say,
in this category, I want to say,
209
697160
3336
另一方面，當我看到
這類事物時，我想要說：
這類事物時，我想要說：
11:52
"Amy, did you see that? Did you hear that?
210
700520
2416
「艾米，你看到了嗎？
你聽到了嗎？
你聽到了嗎？
11:54
It's too beautiful
for you not to share with me."
for you not to share with me."
211
702960
2840
這太美了，你不能不與我分享。」
12:00
On the other hand,
212
708320
1200
另一方面，
12:02
I now experience these moments
213
710800
2096
我現在以一種整體的新方式
12:04
in an entirely new way.
214
712920
1640
來體驗那些時刻。
12:08
There was the beauty I found in music,
215
716600
2736
我在音樂中能找到美麗，
12:11
like the moment in the newest
Manchester Orchestra album,
Manchester Orchestra album,
216
719360
3536
比如在曼徹斯特管絃搖滾樂團
最新的專輯中，
最新的專輯中，
12:14
when the song "The Alien"
217
722920
1296
當「外星人」這首歌
12:16
seamlessly transitions
into "The Sunshine,"
into "The Sunshine,"
218
724240
2520
無縫地轉換到「陽光」的時候，
12:19
or the haunting beauty
of Luke Sital-Singh's "Killing Me,"
of Luke Sital-Singh's "Killing Me,"
219
727840
4536
或是像路克西塔爾辛的專輯
「要我的命」，有種難忘的美麗，
「要我的命」，有種難忘的美麗，
12:24
whose chorus reads,
220
732400
1696
他的合唱團唱著：
12:26
"And it's killing me
that you're not here with me.
that you're not here with me.
221
734120
3040
「你不在這裡陪我，真是要我的命。
12:30
I'm living happily,
but I'm feeling guilty."
but I'm feeling guilty."
222
738080
3680
我活得很快樂，但我覺得很罪惡。」
12:35
There is beauty in the simple moments
that life has to offer,
that life has to offer,
223
743800
4296
在人生中帶給我們的
那些簡單時刻裡，就有美麗，
那些簡單時刻裡，就有美麗，
12:40
a way of seeing that world
that was so much a part of Amy's DNA,
that was so much a part of Amy's DNA,
224
748120
4376
把這個世界看成是
艾米 DNA 的一部分，
艾米 DNA 的一部分，
12:44
like on my morning commute,
225
752520
2016
比如我早上通勤時，
12:46
looking at the sun
reflecting off of Lake Michigan,
reflecting off of Lake Michigan,
226
754560
3216
看著密西根湖上反映的太陽，
12:49
or stopping and truly seeing
how the light shines
how the light shines
227
757800
3496
或是停下腳步真正去欣賞
12:53
at different times of the day
228
761320
2216
一天不同時刻中，光是如何
12:55
in the house we built together;
229
763560
2640
照耀我們一同建造的房子；
12:59
even after a Chicago storm,
noticing the fresh buildup of snow
noticing the fresh buildup of snow
230
767400
3936
甚至在芝加哥暴風雨之後，
注意到在整個街坊中
注意到在整個街坊中
13:03
throughout the neighborhood;
231
771360
1736
雪是如何漸漸堆起；
13:05
or peeking into my daughter's room
232
773120
3336
或是窺視我女兒的房間，
13:08
as she's practicing the bass guitar.
233
776480
2240
偷看她練低音吉他。
13:13
Listen, I want to make it clear
that I'm a very fortunate person.
that I'm a very fortunate person.
234
781280
4000
我想說清楚一件事，
我是一個非常幸運的人。
我是一個非常幸運的人。
13:18
I have the most amazing family
that loves and supports me.
that loves and supports me.
235
786200
3640
我有著最棒的家人，
他們愛我、支持我。
他們愛我、支持我。
13:22
I have the resources for personal growth
during my time of grief.
during my time of grief.
236
790840
3400
在我悲慟的過程中，
我有資源可以做個人成長。
我有資源可以做個人成長。
13:27
But whether it's a divorce,
237
795680
1800
但不論是離婚、
13:30
losing a job you worked so hard at
238
798440
2696
失去你很努力在維持的工作，
13:33
or having a family member die suddenly
239
801160
2096
或有親人突然過世，
13:35
or of a slow-moving and painful death,
240
803280
2600
或以緩慢痛苦的方式離世，
13:38
I would like to offer you
241
806880
1976
我都想要給予你
13:40
what I was given:
242
808880
1200
我所得到的：
13:43
a blank of sheet of paper.
243
811320
2640
一張白紙。
13:47
What will you do
with your intentional empty space,
with your intentional empty space,
244
815320
3760
當意識裡有個空白的空間，
你也會面對一個全新的開始，
你也會面對一個全新的開始，
13:51
with your fresh start?
245
819920
3000
那麼，你打算要做什麼？
13:55
Thank you.
246
823880
1216
謝謝。
13:57
(Applause)
247
825120
5720
（掌聲）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jason B. Rosenthal - Advocate, artistWhen Jason B. Rosenthal's wife died, he says: "as clichéd as it sounds, I started working on living each day as it comes, to get through the complexities of life."
Why you should listen
Jason B. Rosenthal writes: "I have practiced law and developed real estate in Chicago for half of my life. But that is only what I did 9 to 5. What made me better at my profession -- and as a human being getting through each day -- was realizing my thirst for learning and doing. I practiced yoga intensely; I traveled the world with my wife and my family; I learned to paint and made a home studio; and I developed a passion for cooking. I would not have called myself the most passionate student when I was in school, but in my adult life I have read with a thirst for knowledge -- everything from the most meaty fiction, fascinating nonfiction and magazines. My family is what makes me who I am today.
"I was married to the most amazing woman for half of my life. We raised three incredible children in Chicago, a culturally vibrant and livable city with people of good midwestern values. When my bride died of ovarian cancer after 26 years of marriage, I got in touch with real pain. I immediately reevaluated my life's work. I had talked for years about whether my chosen career path gave me real fulfillment. I am now the executive director of a nonprofit organization created in Amy's name, the Amy Krouse Rosenthal Foundation. I am fueled by its mission to provide programs that encourage child literacy and funding for early detection of ovarian cancer. My future is a blank space waiting to be filled."
Jason B. Rosenthal | Speaker | TED.com