ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”

Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
 
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speaker
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com
TED2013

Eleanor Longden: The voices in my head

Eleanor Longden: Zerat ne koken time

Filmed:
4,913,445 views

Për të gjithë, Eleanor Longden ishte si çdo nxënës tjetër, duke shkuar në kolegj me pranverën në hapin e saj dhe pa asnjë kokecarje në botë. Kjo, deri në momentin kur zërat në kokën e saj filluan të flasin. Fillimisht te padëmshëm, këto transmetime të brendshme u bëne gjithnjë e më antagoniste dhe diktatoriale, duke e kthyer jetën e saj në një makth të vërtete. Diagnostifkuar me skizofreni, marre ilace, dhe përfundimisht fshire nga një sistem që nuk e di se si ta ndihmoje, Longden tregon historinë e saj tronditese te nje udhetimi shumëvjeçar në shëndetin mendor, duke pohuar se ishte nepermjet të mësuarit si ti dëgjoje ato zera se si ajo mundi te mbijetonte.
- Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.” Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
The day I left home for the first time
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Dita kur u largova për herë të parë nga shtëpia
00:14
to go to university was a bright day
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për të shkuar në universitet ishte një ditë e shenuar
00:16
brimming with hope and optimism.
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mbushur me shpresë dhe optimizëm.
00:19
I'd done well at school. Expectations for me were high,
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Kisha dalë mirë në shkollë. Pritej shumë nga une,
00:22
and I gleefully entered the student life
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dhe me gëzim të madh hyra në jetën studentore
00:24
of lectures, parties and traffic cone theft.
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të leksioneve, festave dhe vjedhjeve të koneve të trafikut.
00:28
Now appearances, of course, can be deceptive,
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Tani pamja e jashtme, sigurisht, mund të mashtrojë
00:30
and to an extent, this feisty, energetic persona
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dhe deri në një pikë, ky njëri i levizshëm, energjik
00:34
of lecture-going and traffic cone stealing was a veneer,
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mes leksionesh dhe vjedhje të koneve te trafikut ishte një lustër,
00:37
albeit a very well-crafted and convincing one.
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megjithatë e punuar mirë dhe bindëse.
00:40
Underneath, I was actually deeply unhappy, insecure
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Ne brendësi, unë isha thellësisht e palumtur, e pasigurt
00:43
and fundamentally frightened --
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dhe krejtësisht e frikësuar --
00:45
frightened of other people, of the future, of failure
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e frikësuar nga njerëzit e tjerë, nga e ardhmja, nga dështimi
00:49
and of the emptiness that I felt was within me.
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dhe nga boshllëku që ndjeja brenda meje.
00:51
But I was skilled at hiding it, and from the outside
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Por isha e afte ta fshihja ate, dhe nga jashte
00:54
appeared to be someone with everything to hope for
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dukesha si dikush që kish gjithcka per te shpresuar
00:56
and aspire to.
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dhe aspiruar.
00:57
This fantasy of invulnerability was so complete
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Kjo fantazi e pacenueshmerise ishte kaq e plote
01:01
that I even deceived myself,
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aq sa mashtrova veten time,
01:02
and as the first semester ended and the second began,
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dhe sapo mbaroi semestri i parë dhe filloi i dyti
01:05
there was no way that anyone could have predicted
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nuk kishte mundësi që dikush të kishte parashikuar
01:07
what was just about to happen.
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atë që do të ndodhte.
01:10
I was leaving a seminar when it started,
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Po dilja nga një seminar kur filloi,
01:13
humming to myself, fumbling with my bag
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po kendoja nen ze, duke germuar canten
01:15
just as I'd done a hundred times before,
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sikurse kisha bere dhe qindra here te tjera,
01:18
when suddenly I heard a voice calmly observe,
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kur degjova nje ze qe thote qetesisht,
01:20
"She is leaving the room."
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"Ajo po largohet nga dhoma."
01:23
I looked around, and there was no one there,
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Hodha syte perreth por nuk pashe asnjeri,
01:24
but the clarity and decisiveness of the comment
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por qartesia dhe vendosmeria e atij komenti
01:27
was unmistakable.
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ishte e pagabueshme.
01:28
Shaken, I left my books on the stairs and hurried home,
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Duke u dridhur, i lashe librat te shkallet dhe vrapova per ne shtepi,
01:31
and there it was again.
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dhe ja tek e degjova serish.
01:32
"She is opening the door."
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"Ajo po hap deren."
01:34
This was the beginning. The voice had arrived.
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Ky ishte fillimi. Zeri kishte ardhur.
01:38
And the voice persisted,
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Dhe zeri vazhdonte te kembengulte,
01:41
days and then weeks of it, on and on,
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dite e me pas jave, ne vazhdimesi,
01:43
narrating everything I did in the third person.
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duke treguar c'do gje qe beja ne vete te trete.
01:45
"She is going to the library."
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"Ajo po shkon ne biblioteke."
01:47
"She is going to a lecture."
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"Ajo po shkon ne leksion."
01:49
It was neutral, impassive and even, after a while,
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Ishte neutrale, pasive dhe pas pak kohesh,
01:52
strangely companionate and reassuring,
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cuditerisht shoqeruese dhe siguruese,
01:54
although I did notice that its calm exterior sometimes slipped
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ndonese vereja se qetesia e jashtme ndonjehere ndryshonte
01:58
and that it occasionally mirrored my own unexpressed emotion.
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dhe rastiste te pasqyronte emocionet e mia te pashprehura.
02:01
So, for example, if I was angry and had to hide it,
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Nqse isha e nevrikosur dhe perpiqesha ta fshihja,
02:04
which I often did, being very adept at concealing how I really felt,
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gje qe e beja shpesh, duke qene mesuar te fsheh ate qe ndiej,
02:07
then the voice would sound frustrated.
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atehere zeri do te tingellonte i frustruar.
02:09
Otherwise, it was neither sinister nor disturbing,
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Ne te kundert, nuk ishte as shqetesues e as e lige,
02:12
although even at that point it was clear
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por edhe ne ate pike ishte e qarte
02:14
that it had something to communicate to me
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qe kishte dicka per te me komunikuar
02:16
about my emotions, particularly emotions
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rreth emocioneve, mbi te gjitha emocionet
02:19
which were remote and inaccessible.
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qe ishin te largeta dhe te paarrira.
02:22
Now it was then that I made a fatal mistake,
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Ishte pikerisht atehere kur bera nje gabim fatal,
02:25
in that I told a friend about the voice, and she was horrified.
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i tregova nje mikes rreth zerave, dhe ajo u tmerrua.
02:28
A subtle conditioning process had begun,
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Nje proces kufizuez kish nisur,
02:30
the implication that normal people don't hear voices
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te kuptuarit qe njerezit normal nuk degjonin zera
02:34
and the fact that I did meant that something was very seriously wrong.
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dhe fakti qe une nisa te besoj qe dicka me te vertete nuk shkonte mire.
02:37
Such fear and mistrust was infectious.
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Kjo frike dhe ky mosbesim ishte infektuese.
02:41
Suddenly the voice didn't seem quite so benign anymore,
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Cuditerisht zeri nisi te mos dukej me aq beninj,
02:44
and when she insisted that I seek medical attention,
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dhe kur ajo kembenguli qe te merrja trajtim mjekesor,
02:46
I duly complied, and which proved to be
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une rashe dakort, c'ka nenkuptoi
02:48
mistake number two.
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gabimin tim numer dy.
02:50
I spent some time telling the college G.P.
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Harxhova ca kohe duke i treguar mjekut te Universitetit
02:52
about what I perceived to be the real problem:
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rreth atij c'ka une dalloj si problem real:
02:54
anxiety, low self-worth, fears about the future,
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ankth, besim i ulet ne vetvete, frike per te ardhmen,
02:57
and was met with bored indifference
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dhe ajo cka kisha perballe ishte nje indiference e merzitshme
02:59
until I mentioned the voice,
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deri kur une permenda 'zeri',
03:01
upon which he dropped his pen, swung round
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ne ate pike ai leshoi stilolapsin, u rrotullua
03:03
and began to question me with a show of real interest.
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dhe nisi te me pyes me interes te vertete.
03:06
And to be fair, I was desperate for interest and help,
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Dhe qe te jem e sinqerte, isha e deshperuar per interes dhe ndihme,
03:08
and I began to tell him about my strange commentator.
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dhe nisa ti tregoj gjithcka rreth komentuesit te cuditshem.
03:11
And I always wish, at this point, the voice had said,
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Dhe gjithnje shpresoja, qe zeri te thoshte,
03:13
"She is digging her own grave."
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"Ajo po i ben gropen vetes."
03:15
I was referred to a psychiatrist, who likewise
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Me pas me referuan nje psikiater, i cili sikunder mjeku
03:19
took a grim view of the voice's presence,
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hodhi nje veshtrim te venger prezences se zerit,
03:21
subsequently interpreting everything I said
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duke e interpretuar gjithcka thoja
03:23
through a lens of latent insanity.
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nepermjet nje lupe cmendurie.
03:26
For example, I was part of a student TV station
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Per shembull, une isha pjese e nje stacioni televiziv studentor
03:29
that broadcast news bulletins around the campus,
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qe paraqiste lajmet e kampusit,
03:31
and during an appointment which was running very late,
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dhe gjate nje takimi qe po zgjaste me shume se parashikuar,
03:33
I said, "I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go.
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thash, "me fal doktor, por me duhet te shkoj,
03:35
I'm reading the news at six."
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jap lajmet ne oren 6-te."
03:36
Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor
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Tashme eshte e shenuar ne raportin tim mjeksor qe Eleonor
03:38
has delusions that she's a television news broadcaster.
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ka deluzione qe eshte spikere lajmesh ne televizion.
03:42
It was at this point that events began
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Ne kete pike ndodhi qe ngjarjet
03:45
to rapidly overtake me.
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filluan te me parakalonin shume shpejt.
03:47
A hospital admission followed, the first of many,
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Me pas me shtruan ne spital, hera e pare nga ato dhjetra qe do ndiqnin,
03:50
a diagnosis of schizophrenia came next,
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dhe me pas diagnostifikimi me skizofreni,
03:53
and then, worst of all, a toxic, tormenting sense
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cka e ndoqi pas nje ndjesi toksike dhe sfilitese
03:56
of hopelessness, humiliation and despair
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turpi, deshperimi dhe perhumbje
04:00
about myself and my prospects.
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rreth vetes dhe te ardhmes sime.
04:02
But having been encouraged to see the voice
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Por te qenit i inkurajuar per ta pare zerin
04:05
not as an experience but as a symptom,
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jo si nje eksperience por simptome,
04:07
my fear and resistance towards it intensified.
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frika dhe rezistenca ndaj te ciles nisi te intensifikohej.
04:10
Now essentially, this represented taking
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Kjo do te thote qe te marresh nje
04:12
an aggressive stance towards my own mind,
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qendrim agresiv ndaj mendjes tende,
04:14
a kind of psychic civil war,
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nje lloj lufte civile psikike,
04:17
and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase
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cka shkaktoi numrin e zerave te rritej
04:20
and grow progressively hostile and menacing.
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duke u bere gjithnje me kercenues dhe rezistente.
04:23
Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat
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Pa shprese dhe pa ndihme, nisa te mbyllesha
04:27
into this nightmarish inner world
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ne te frikshmen boten time te brendshme
04:29
in which the voices were destined to become
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ne te cilen zerat ishin te destinuar te beheshin
04:31
both my persecutors and my only perceived companions.
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ndjekesit dhe njekohesisht shoqeruesit e mi.
04:35
They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy
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Me thane per shembull, qe nese provoja se ja vleja ndihmen e tyre,
04:38
of their help, then they could change my life
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atehere ata do te me ndihmonin te ndryshoja jeten
04:40
back to how it had been,
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e te kthehesha si me pare,
04:41
and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set,
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dhe nje sere detyrash te cuditshme me jepeshin,
04:44
a kind of labor of Hercules.
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nje pune herkuliane.
04:46
It started off quite small, for example,
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Nisi fillimisht me gjera te vogla, per shembull,
04:48
pull out three strands of hair,
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shkul tre fije floku,
04:50
but gradually it grew more extreme,
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po sa vinte e behej me ekstreme,
04:51
culminating in commands to harm myself,
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duke me dhene komanda qe te lendoja veten,
04:54
and a particularly dramatic instruction:
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nje detyre mjaft drastike:
04:56
"You see that tutor over there?
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"E sheh ate profesorin atje?
04:58
You see that glass of water?
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Po ate goten me uje?
04:59
Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students."
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Atehere, zbraze goten mbi profesorin ne sy te studenteve te tjere."
05:02
Which I actually did, and which needless to say
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Gje c'ka bera, dhe s'ka nevoje te them
05:04
did not endear me to the faculty.
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qe kjo me pezulloi nga fakulteti.
05:06
In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance,
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Nje rreth vicioz frike, shmangie,
05:10
mistrust and misunderstanding had been established,
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mosbesimi dhe keqkuptimi ishte formuar tashme,
05:13
and this was a battle in which I felt powerless
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dhe kjo ishte nje beteje ne te cilen ndjehesha e pafuqishme
05:15
and incapable of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation.
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dhe e paafte te krijoja paqe a ribashkim.
05:20
Two years later, and the deterioration was dramatic.
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Dy vjet me pas, perkeqesimi ishte dramatik.
05:23
By now, I had the whole frenzied repertoire:
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Kisha te gjithe repertorin e shfrenuar:
05:27
terrifying voices, grotesque visions,
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zera te frikshem, imazhe grotekse,
05:30
bizarre, intractable delusions.
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iluzione te cuditshme, te pakapshme.
05:33
My mental health status had been a catalyst
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Gjendja e shendetit tim mendor ka qene nje katalist
05:35
for discrimination, verbal abuse,
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per diskriminim, abuzim verbal,
05:38
and physical and sexual assault,
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sulm fizik dhe seksual,
05:40
and I'd been told by my psychiatrist,
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dhe me eshte thene nga mjeket e mi,
05:42
"Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer,
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"Eleonor, me mire po te kishe patur kancer,
05:44
because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia."
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sepse kanceri eshte me i lehte per tu sheruar se skizofrenia."
05:48
I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded,
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Me kane diagnostifikuar, dhene ilace dhe nxjerre nga spitali,
05:51
and was by now so tormented by the voices
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dhe isha kaq e cfilitur nga zerat
05:53
that I attempted to drill a hole in my head
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saqe tentova te hapja nje vrime ne koke
05:56
in order to get them out.
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ne menyre qe ti nxirrja qe aty.
05:58
Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years,
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Tani, tek kthej koken pas tek ato vite deshperimi te jetes sime,
06:02
it seems to me now as if someone died in that place,
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kam ndjesine se dikush ka vdekur ne ate vend,
06:06
and yet, someone else was saved.
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por njekohesisht, dikush tjeter ka shpetuar.
06:09
A broken and haunted person began that journey,
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Nje njeri i perhumbur dhe i thyer nisi ate udhetim,
06:13
but the person who emerged was a survivor
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por personi qe doli ne siperfaqe ishte nje e mbijetuar
06:16
and would ultimately grow into the person
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e cila do te behej ai njeri
06:18
I was destined to be.
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qe une kisha lindur per te qene.
06:20
Many people have harmed me in my life,
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Shume njerez, pergjate jetes sime, me kane lenduar,
06:23
and I remember them all,
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dhe une i kujtoj mjaft mire te gjithe,
06:24
but the memories grow pale and faint
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por keto memorje sa vine e zbehen
06:27
in comparison with the people who've helped me.
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tek i krahasoj me njerezit te cilet me kane ndihmuar.
06:31
The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,
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Te tjeret si une qe kane mbijetuar, ata zera-degjuesit e tjere,
06:33
the comrades and collaborators;
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shoket dhe bashkepunuesit;
06:35
the mother who never gave up on me,
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nena qe nuk hoqi dore kurre prej meje,
06:38
who knew that one day I would come back to her
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e cila e dinte qe nje dite une do te rikthehesha tek ajo
06:40
and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;
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dhe qe do te me priste sado e gjate pritja;
06:44
the doctor who only worked with me for a brief time
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doktori qe punoi me mua vetem per pak
06:47
but who reinforced his belief that recovery
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por qe perforcoi besimin qe permiresimi
06:49
was not only possible but inevitable,
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jo vetem ish i mundur, por i pashmangshem,
06:51
and during a devastating period of relapse
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dhe gjate periudhave te renies sime,
06:53
told my terrified family, "Don't give up hope.
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i tha familjes sime, "mos u dorezoni.
06:56
I believe that Eleanor can get through this.
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Besoj se Eleonor mund t'ja dale mbane kesaj.
06:59
Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May,
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Ndonjehere bie bore deri ne maj, por
07:02
but summer always comes eventually."
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vera vjen gjithesesi ne menyre te pashmangshme."
07:06
Fourteen minutes is not enough time
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14 minuta nuk jane mjaftueshem per ti
07:07
to fully credit those good and generous people
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njohur meritat e duhura te gjithe atyre njerezve te mire
07:10
who fought with me and for me
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te cilet luftuan me mua dhe per mua
07:12
and who waited to welcome me back
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dhe priten qe une te kthehesha
07:14
from that agonized, lonely place.
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nga agonia dhe vetmia e vendit ku ndodhesha.
07:17
But together, they forged a blend of courage,
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Por sebashku, ne krijuam nje perzierje kurajo,
07:19
creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief
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kreativiteti, integriteti dhe besimi te patundur
07:22
that my shattered self could become healed and whole.
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qe kjo qenia ime e bere grimcash mund te behej njesh dhe te sherohej.
07:26
I used to say that these people saved me,
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1900
Mendoja se ata njerez me kishin shpetuar,
07:28
but what I now know is they did something
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por ajo c'ka di tani eshte qe ata bene dicka shume me teper
07:30
even more important in that they empowered me
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te rendesishme, ato me fuqizuan mua
07:32
to save myself,
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per te shpetuar veten,
07:34
and crucially, they helped me to understand something
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2514
dhe me e rendesishmja ata me ndihmuan te kuptoj
07:36
which I'd always suspected:
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ate qe kam dyshuar gjithnje:
07:38
that my voices were a meaningful response
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qe zerat e mi ishin nje pergjigje kuptimplote
07:40
to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events,
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te eventeve traumatike te jetes, vecanerisht gjate femijerise,
07:43
and as such were not my enemies
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dhe si te tille nuk ishin armiqte e mi
07:45
but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.
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por nje burim per te kuptuar problemet e mia emocionale qe duheshin zgjidhur.
07:50
Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe,
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Si fillim, kjo ishte mjaft e veshtire per tu besuar,
07:53
not least because the voices appeared so hostile
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dhe jo pak si rrjedhoje e agresivitetit te zerave
07:55
and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step
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dhe kercenimit te tyre, keshtuqe nje hap i rendesishem
07:59
was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning
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ishte te mesoja se si te ndaja nje kuptim metaforik
08:01
from what I'd previously interpreted to be a literal truth.
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nga ajo c'ka me pare e merrja si te vertete te mireqene.
08:05
So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home
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3150
Per shembull, zerat qe kercenonin se do te sulmonin shtepine time
08:08
I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear
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2729
mesova ti interpretoj si ndjenja ime e frikes
08:11
and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger.
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dhe pasigurise ne bote, dhe jo nje rrezik eminent.
08:15
Now at first, I would have believed them.
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Ne fillim i besoja atyre.
08:17
I remember, for example, sitting up one night
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Mbaj mend, pershembull qe nje nate kam bere roje
08:18
on guard outside my parents' room to protect them
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para dhomes se prinderve per ti mbrojtur ata
08:21
from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices.
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nga ajo cka mendoja si nje kercenim i mirefillte nga zerat.
08:24
Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury
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Si rrjedhoje e faktit qe kisha probleme serioze me vete-demtimin,
08:27
that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden,
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2441
shumica e objekteve me teh ne shtepi ishin fshehur
08:29
so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork,
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kshqe perfundova e armatosur me nje pirun plastik,
08:32
kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the room
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dhe u ula jashte dhomes
08:34
clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen.
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duke pritur qe te hidhesha ne veprim sapo te ndodhte dicka.
08:38
It was like, "Don't mess with me.
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ishte pak a shume, "Mos u ngaterro me mua.
08:40
I've got a plastic fork, don't you know?"
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Kam nje pirun plastik, nuk e sheh?"
08:43
Strategic.
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Strategjike.
08:44
But a later response, and much more useful,
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2606
Por nje pergjigje e mevonshme e shume me e frytshme,
08:47
would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words,
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do te ishte te shkaterroje mesazhin pas fjaleve,
08:51
so when the voices warned me not to leave the house,
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ne menyre qe kur zerat te me thone te mos largohen nga shtepia,
08:54
then I would thank them for drawing my attention
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pastaj do mund ti falenderoj qe me lajmeruan
08:56
to how unsafe I felt --
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rreth pasigurise qe ndjeva--
08:57
because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it --
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pasi po te isha e vetedijshme per te, do te mund te beja dicka pozitive per te--
09:00
but go on to reassure both them and myself
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por me duhej te siguroja ata dhe veten qe ishim te sigurt
09:03
that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.
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dhe nuk kishim asnje arsye per te qene te frikesuar.
09:06
I would set boundaries for the voices,
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Do ti vendosja kufij zerave,
09:08
and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive
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dhe te perpiqesha te komunikoja me to ne nje menyre qe te ishte e kuptueshme
09:10
yet respectful, establishing a slow process
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2745
por me respekt, duke vendosur nje proces te ngadalte
09:13
of communication and collaboration
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komunikimi dhe bashkepunimi
09:15
in which we could learn to work together and support one another.
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ne te cilen mund te mesonim te punonim se bashku dhe ndihmonim njeri-tjetrin.
09:18
Throughout all of this, what I would ultimately realize
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Pergjate gjithe ketij procesi, ajo c'ka do kuptoja eshte se
09:21
was that each voice was closely related
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secili ze ishte ngushtesisht i lidhur
09:23
to aspects of myself, and that each of them
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me disa aspekte te vetes sime, dhe secili prej tyre
09:25
carried overwhelming emotions that I'd never had
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mbante peshen e emocioneve qe nuk kam patur kurre mundesi
09:27
an opportunity to process or resolve,
214
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ti procesoj a zgjidh,
09:30
memories of sexual trauma and abuse,
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memorje traumash seksuale dhe abuzimeve,
09:32
of anger, shame, guilt, low self-worth.
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2911
inatit, turpit, ndjenjes se faijt, ndjenjes se inferioritetit.
09:35
The voices took the place of this pain
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Zerat zevendesuan kete dhembje
09:38
and gave words to it,
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dhe i dhane ze asaj,
09:39
and possibly one of the greatest revelations
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ndoshta nje nga zbulimet me te medha
09:41
was when I realized that the most hostile and aggressive voices
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3000
ishte te kuptoja qe nje nga zerat me te dhunshem dhe agresiv,
09:44
actually represented the parts of me
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faktikisht perfaqesonte ate pjese timen
09:46
that had been hurt most profoundly,
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qe ishte lenduar me se shumti,
09:48
and as such, it was these voices
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dhe si te tille,
09:50
that needed to be shown the greatest compassion and care.
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kerkonin perkujdesjen dhe miresine me te madhe.
09:53
It was armed with this knowledge that ultimately
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E pajisur me kete njohuri qe me ne fund
09:56
I would gather together my shattered self,
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2288
do mundja ta beja bashke veten time,
09:59
each fragment represented by a different voice,
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ku cdo fragment perfaqesohet nga nje ze i ndryshem,
10:01
gradually withdraw from all my medication,
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2051
duke hequr dore gradualisht nga ilacet,
10:03
and return to psychiatry, only this time from the other side.
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dhe rikthimin te psikiatria, por kete here nga ana tjeter.
10:08
Ten years after the voice first came, I finally graduated,
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10 vjet pas ardhjes se "zerit te pare" une me ne fund u diplomova,
10:12
this time with the highest degree in psychology
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1894
kete here me diplomen me te larte ne psikologji
10:14
the university had ever given, and one year later,
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2458
qe universiteti kish dhene ndonjehere, dhe nje vit me pas,
10:16
the highest masters, which shall we say
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1779
me masterin me te larte, qe duhet ta pranojme
10:18
isn't bad for a madwoman.
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nuk eshte dhe aq keq per nje grua te cmendur.
10:20
In fact, one of the voices actually dictated the answers
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Ne fakt, ishte nje nga zerat ne koken time qe me dha pergjigjet
10:22
during the exam, which technically possibly counts as cheating.
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3230
gjate provimit, qe teknikisht mund te quhet si kopjim.
10:25
(Laughter)
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1683
(Te qeshura)
10:27
And to be honest, sometimes I quite enjoyed their attention as well.
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615502
2734
Dhe te them te drejten, disa here me pelqente vemendja e tyre.
10:30
As Oscar Wilde has said, the only thing worse
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Sic ka thene Oscar Wilde, "E vetmja gje me e keqe se
10:31
than being talked about is not being talked about.
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3131
kur flitet per ty, eshte te mos folurit fare".
10:34
It also makes you very good at eavesdropping,
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2072
Gjithashtu te ben shume te afte per pergjime,
10:36
because you can listen to two conversations simultaneously.
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sepse je ne gjendje te degjosh dy biseda ne te njejten kohe.
10:39
So it's not all bad.
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Pra, nuk eshte shume keq.
10:41
I worked in mental health services,
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629210
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Kam punuar neper qendra te shendetit mendor,
10:42
I spoke at conferences,
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630753
2369
kam mbajtur fjale ne konferenca,
10:45
I published book chapters and academic articles,
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633122
2268
kam publikuar kapituj librash dhe artikuj akademike,
10:47
and I argued, and continue to do so,
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635390
2832
dhe kam argumentuar, dhe vazhdoj ta bej,
10:50
the relevance of the following concept:
248
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2244
rendesine e konceptit te meposhtem:
10:52
that an important question in psychiatry
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640466
2252
qe nje pyetje e rendesishme ne psikiatri
10:54
shouldn't be what's wrong with you
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642718
1543
nuk duhet te jete se cfare ka qe nuk shkon me ty
10:56
but rather what's happened to you.
251
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2705
por me teper cfare te ka ndodhur ty.
10:58
And all the while, I listened to my voices,
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2862
Dhe gjate gjithe kohes qe degjoja zerat,
11:01
with whom I'd finally learned to live with peace and respect
253
649828
2604
me te cilet me ne fund mesova te jetoj ne paqe dhe respekt
11:04
and which in turn reflected a growing sense
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652432
2396
dhe te cilet ne fund reflektuan nje sens ne rritje
11:06
of compassion, acceptance and respect towards myself.
255
654828
3663
kompasioni, vetepranie dhe respekti ndaj vetes.
11:10
And I remember the most moving and extraordinary moment
256
658491
3158
Dhe me kujtohet momenti me i prekshem dhe i mrekullueshem
11:13
when supporting another young woman who was terrorized by her voices,
257
661649
2930
tek po ndihmoja nje grua te re qe ishte e traumatizuar nga zerat,
11:16
and becoming fully aware, for the very first time,
258
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2599
u bera e vetedijshme plotesisht qe, per here te pare,
11:19
that I no longer felt that way myself
259
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2676
une nuk po ndjehesha me ashtu
11:21
but was finally able to help someone else who was.
260
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3724
por qe me ne fund isha ne gjendje te ndihmoja dike tjeter qe ishte.
11:25
I'm now very proud to be a part of Intervoice,
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3568
Tani jam shume krenare qe jam pjese e intervoice,
11:29
the organizational body of the International Hearing Voices Movement,
262
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3969
trupi organizativ i levizjes nderkombetare "Degjimi i zerave",
11:33
an initiative inspired by the work of Professor Marius Romme
263
681115
3383
nje iniciative e frymezuar nga puna e profesorit Marius Romme
11:36
and Dr. Sandra Escher,
264
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1252
dhe Dr. Sandra Escher,
11:37
which locates voice hearing as a survival strategy,
265
685750
3196
qe e kane evidentuar degjimin e zerave si nje strategji mbijetese,
11:40
a sane reaction to insane circumstances,
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3366
nje veprim i kthjellet ne nje situate cmendurie,
11:44
not as an aberrant symptom of schizophrenia to be endured,
267
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3659
jo si nje simptome skizofrenie per ta duruar,
11:47
but a complex, significant and meaningful experience
268
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por nje eksperience komplekse, kuptimplote
11:51
to be explored.
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2324
per tu eksploruar.
11:53
Together, we envisage and enact a society
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2283
Sebashku kemi menduar dhe krijuar nje shoqeri
11:55
that understands and respects voice hearing,
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2477
qe i kupton dhe respekton te degjuarin e zerave,
11:58
supports the needs of individuals who hear voices,
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2313
dhe mbeshtet nevojat e individeve qe degjojne zera,
12:00
and which values them as full citizens.
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3373
dhe i vlereson si qytetare me te drejta te plota.
12:04
This type of society is not only possible,
274
712005
2286
Kjo lloj shoqerie jo vetem qe eshte e mundshme,
12:06
it's already on its way.
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714291
2012
por eshte duke u formuar.
12:08
To paraphrase Chavez, once social change begins,
276
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3794
Per te parafrazuar Chavez, kur nje ndryshim social fillon,
12:12
it cannot be reversed.
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ai nuk mund te kthehet mbrapsht.
12:14
You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.
278
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Ju nuk mund ta poshteroni njeriun qe ndien krenari.
12:17
You cannot oppress the people
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1791
Nuk mund ti shtypesh njerezit
12:19
who are not afraid anymore.
280
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2484
te cilet nuk jane me te frikesuar.
12:21
For me, the achievements of the Hearing Voices Movement
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Per mua, arritjet e levizjes "Degjimi i Zerave"
12:24
are a reminder that empathy, fellowship,
282
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2519
jane nje kujtese qe ndjeshmeria, shoqeria,
12:26
justice and respect are more than words;
283
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2744
drejtesia dhe respekti jane me shume se fjale;
12:29
they are convictions and beliefs,
284
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2611
jane bindje dhe besim,
12:32
and that beliefs can change the world.
285
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2486
dhe se besimi ka fuqine e te ndryshuarit te botes.
12:34
In the last 20 years, the Hearing Voices Movement
286
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2775
Ne 20 vitet e fundit, levizja "Degjimi i Zerave"
12:37
has established hearing voices networks
287
745385
2212
ka krijuar nje rrjet
12:39
in 26 countries across five continents,
288
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2991
ne 26 vende ne pese kontinente,
12:42
working together to promote dignity, solidarity
289
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3369
qe punojne bashke per te promovuar dinjitet, solidaritet
12:45
and empowerment for individuals in mental distress,
290
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3066
dhe fuqizim te njerezve me shqetesime mendore,
12:49
to create a new language and practice of hope,
291
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3265
per te krijuar nje gjuhe te re dhe praktikim shprese,
12:52
which, at its very center, lies an unshakable belief
292
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3944
ku, ne qendren e se ciles, ndodhet nje besim i palekundur
12:56
in the power of the individual.
293
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2890
ne fuqine e individit.
12:59
As Peter Levine has said, the human animal
294
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2921
Sikunder ka thene Peter Levine, kafsha njeri
13:02
is a unique being
295
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1652
eshte nje qenie unike
13:03
endowed with an instinctual capacity to heal
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3374
e paisur me nje kapacitet instiktiv per tu sheruar
13:07
and the intellectual spirit to harness this innate capacity.
297
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4211
dhe me shpirtin intelektual per ta shfrytezuar kete kapacitet te lindur.
13:11
In this respect, for members of society,
298
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2484
Ne kete kuader, per anetaret e shoqerise,
13:13
there is no greater honor or privilege
299
781764
2493
nuk ka nder a privilegj me te madh
13:16
than facilitating that process of healing for someone,
300
784257
2660
sesa te shpejtosh kete proces sherimi tek dikush,
13:18
to bear witness, to reach out a hand,
301
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2946
te jesh deshmitar, te zgjasesh doren,
13:21
to share the burden of someone's suffering,
302
789863
2363
te ndash peshen e dhimbjes se dikujt,
13:24
and to hold the hope for their recovery.
303
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3074
dhe te mbash shpresen per permiresimin e tyre.
13:27
And likewise, for survivors of distress and adversity,
304
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2529
Dhe sikunder per mbijetuesit e situatave stresante dhe te veshtira,
13:29
that we remember we don't have to live our lives
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2579
ne nuk duhet ta jetojme jeten tone pergjithnje
13:32
forever defined by the damaging things that have happened to us.
306
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3712
te shenjuar nga gjerat e keqija dhe demshme qe na kane ngjare.
13:36
We are unique. We are irreplaceable.
307
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2509
Ne jemi unik. Jemi te pazëvendësueshëm.
13:38
What lies within us can never be truly colonized,
308
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2717
Ajo c'ka kemi perbrenda nuk mundet kurre te kolonizohet,
13:41
contorted, or taken away.
309
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2356
shtremberohet ose te na largohet.
13:43
The light never goes out.
310
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4098
Drita nuk fiket kurre.
13:47
As a very wonderful doctor once said to me,
311
815800
2110
Dhe si nje doktor i mrekullueshem me tha dikur,
13:49
"Don't tell me what other people have told you about yourself.
312
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3251
"Mos me thuaj se cfare kane thene te tjeret per ty.
13:53
Tell me about you."
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Me thuaj ti rreth vetes."
13:56
Thank you.
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Faleminderit.
13:58
(Applause)
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(Duartrokitje)
Translated by Iris Xholi
Reviewed by Helena Bedalli

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Eleanor Longden - Research psychologist
Eleanor Longden overcame her diagnosis of schizophrenia to earn a master’s in psychology and demonstrate that the voices in her head were “a sane reaction to insane circumstances.”

Why you should listen
Despite what traditional medicine may opine, Eleanor Longden isn’t crazy -- and neither are many other people who hear voices in their heads. In fact, the psychic phenomenon is a “creative and ingenious survival strategy” that should be seen “not as an abstract symptom of illness to be endured, but as complex, significant, and meaningful experience to be explored,” the British psychology researcher says.
 
Longden spent many years in the psychiatric system before earning a BSc and an MSc in psychology, the highest classifications ever granted by the University of Leeds, England. Today she is studying for her PhD, and lectures and writes about recovery-oriented approaches to psychosis, dissociation and complex trauma.
More profile about the speaker
Eleanor Longden | Speaker | TED.com