TEDWomen 2018
Soraya Chemaly: The power of women's anger
索瑞雅·坎梅莉: 女性愤怒的力量
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愤怒是一种强烈的情感——它警示着我威胁，暴力，侮辱和伤害。作家索瑞雅·坎梅拉表示，放眼全球，女孩们和女人们都被教导说，她们的愤怒最好保持沉默。为什么呢？在沉默中我们会失去什么呢？在一次发人深省的演讲者中，坎梅拉探讨了愤怒不为女性气质这一危险谎言，表明女性的愤怒是合理的、健康的，并是潜在的变革催化剂。
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
所以有时我会生气，
00:12
So sometimes I get angry,
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我花了很多年
才能够说出这句话。
才能够说出这句话。
00:15
and it took me many years
to be able to say just those words.
to be able to say just those words.
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00:20
In my work,
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在我的工作中，
00:21
sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.
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有时我的身体颤抖，
我太愤怒了。
我太愤怒了。
00:26
But no matter how justified
my anger has been,
my anger has been,
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但是，无论
我的愤怒是多么合理，
我的愤怒是多么合理，
00:30
throughout my life,
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在我的一生中，我一直被告知
00:31
I've always been led to understand
that my anger is an exaggeration,
that my anger is an exaggeration,
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我的愤怒
是一种夸张，一种曲解
是一种夸张，一种曲解
00:36
a misrepresentation,
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00:38
that it will make me rude and unlikable.
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它会让我变得粗鲁和不可理喻。
00:42
Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl,
that anger is an emotion
that anger is an emotion
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主要是作为一个女孩，我了解到，
作为一个女孩，愤怒是一种情感
作为一个女孩，愤怒是一种情感
00:47
better left entirely unvoiced.
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最好将它置之不顾。
00:51
Think about my mother for a minute.
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想想我的妈妈，
我15岁的时候，
有一天我放学回家，
有一天我放学回家，
00:53
When I was 15, I came home
from school one day,
from school one day,
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00:56
and she was standing on a long veranda
outside of our kitchen,
outside of our kitchen,
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她站在在我们厨房外廊上，
拿着巨大的一堆盘子。
拿着巨大的一堆盘子。
01:00
holding a giant stack of plates.
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01:02
Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she
started to throw them like Frisbees...
started to throw them like Frisbees...
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想象一下，当她
开始把它们像飞盘一样
开始把它们像飞盘一样
01:08
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
扔进炎热潮湿的空气中，
我是多么傻眼。
我是多么傻眼。
01:09
into the hot, humid air.
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01:12
When every single plate had shattered
into thousands of pieces
into thousands of pieces
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当每一个盘子
砸在下面的山上，碎成数千块时，
01:16
on the hill below,
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01:17
she walked back in and she said to me,
cheerfully, "How was your day?"
cheerfully, "How was your day?"
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她回到房里，乐呵呵地对我说，
“你今天过得怎么样？”
“你今天过得怎么样？”
01:21
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
现在你可以想象一个孩子
在面对这样的事件之后，
在面对这样的事件之后，
01:25
Now you can see how a child
would look at an incident like this
would look at an incident like this
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01:31
and think that anger is silent, isolating,
destructive, even frightening.
destructive, even frightening.
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以为愤怒是沉默的，孤立的，
破坏性的，甚至是可怕的。
破坏性的，甚至是可怕的。
01:37
Especially though when the person
who's angry is a girl or a woman.
who's angry is a girl or a woman.
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特别是
当生气是一个女孩或女人。
当生气是一个女孩或女人。
01:43
The question is why.
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问题是为什么。
01:45
Anger is a human emotion,
neither good nor bad.
neither good nor bad.
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愤怒是人类的情感，
它既不好也不坏。
它既不好也不坏。
01:49
It is actually a signal emotion.
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它实际上是一种信号情感。
01:50
It warns us of indignity, threat,
insult and harm.
insult and harm.
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它警示着我们屈辱、威胁、
侮辱和伤害。
侮辱和伤害。
01:55
And yet, in culture after culture,
anger is reserved as the moral property
anger is reserved as the moral property
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然而，在各种文化中，
愤怒仅仅被归于为
愤怒仅仅被归于为
男孩和男人的道德财产。
02:01
of boys and men.
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02:03
Now, to be sure, there are differences.
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现在，当然，会有差异。
例如，在美国，
02:05
So in the United States, for example,
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02:07
an angry black man
is viewed as a criminal,
is viewed as a criminal,
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一个愤怒的黑人
被视为罪犯，
被视为罪犯，
02:12
but an angry white man has civic virtue.
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而一个愤怒的白人则具有公民美德。
02:15
Regardless of where we are, however,
the emotion is gendered.
the emotion is gendered.
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无论我们在哪里，
情感有是性别的。
情感有是性别的。
02:19
And so we teach children to disdain anger
in girls and women,
in girls and women,
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因此，我们教孩子蔑视
女孩和妇女的愤怒，
女孩和妇女的愤怒，
我们长大成人后
又惩罚这种愤怒。
又惩罚这种愤怒。
02:24
and we grow up to be adults
that penalize it.
that penalize it.
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02:29
So what if we didn't do that?
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那如果我们不那么做呢？
02:32
What if we didn't sever
anger from femininity?
anger from femininity?
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如果我们不切断
愤怒与女性气质？
愤怒与女性气质？
因为将愤怒从女性气质中去除，
意味着我们切断女孩和妇女与
意味着我们切断女孩和妇女与
02:36
Because severing anger from femininity
means we sever girls and women
means we sever girls and women
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02:40
from the emotion that best
protects us from injustice.
protects us from injustice.
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最能保护她们免受不公正的情感。
如果相反，我们考虑培养
02:43
What if instead we thought about
developing emotional competence
developing emotional competence
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男孩和女孩的情感能力，如何？
02:47
for boys and girls?
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02:49
The fact is we still
remarkably socialize children
remarkably socialize children
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事实是，我们仍然以
非常二元
非常二元
02:53
in very binary and oppositional ways.
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和相对的方式让儿童交往。
02:56
Boys are held to absurd,
rigid norms of masculinity --
rigid norms of masculinity --
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男孩们被要求具有荒谬、僵硬的
男子气概，
男子气概，
03:01
told to renounce the feminine emotionality
of sadness or fear
of sadness or fear
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去除悲伤或恐惧
这些所谓的女性情感，
这些所谓的女性情感，
03:05
and to embrace aggression and anger
as markers of real manhood.
as markers of real manhood.
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并抱侵略性和愤怒，
这被看作是男子汉的标志。
这被看作是男子汉的标志。
03:10
On the other hand,
girls learn to be deferential,
girls learn to be deferential,
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在另一方面，女孩
学会要毕恭毕敬，
学会要毕恭毕敬，
03:14
and anger is incompatible with deference.
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但愤怒与恭敬并不兼容。
03:18
In the same way that we learned
to cross our legs and tame our hair,
to cross our legs and tame our hair,
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以同样的方式，我们学会了
交叉腿而坐并驯服我们的头发，
交叉腿而坐并驯服我们的头发，
03:24
we learned to bite our tongues
and swallow our pride.
and swallow our pride.
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我们学会了咬住舌头保持沉默，
吞下我们的骄傲。
吞下我们的骄傲。
03:28
What happens too often
is that for all of us,
is that for all of us,
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经常发生的是，
对我们所有人来说，
对我们所有人来说，
03:32
indignity becomes imminent
in our notions of femininity.
in our notions of femininity.
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我们认知的女性观念中，
无礼侮辱变得迫在眉睫。
无礼侮辱变得迫在眉睫。
03:36
There's a long personal and political
tale to that bifurcation.
tale to that bifurcation.
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这一分歧有着漫长的个人
和政治故事。
和政治故事。
当愤怒时，我们可以是
宠坏的公主和荷尔蒙爆发的青少年，
宠坏的公主和荷尔蒙爆发的青少年，
03:42
In anger, we go from being
spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
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也可以是难伺候的妇女，
刺耳，丑陋的唠叨狂。
刺耳，丑陋的唠叨狂。
03:47
to high maintenance women
and shrill, ugly nags.
and shrill, ugly nags.
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我们也有口味，请挑选你的口味。
03:52
We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.
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03:55
Are you a spicy hot Latina
when you're mad?
when you're mad?
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当你生气时，
你是热辣拉丁女郎？
你是热辣拉丁女郎？
悲伤亚洲女孩？ 愤怒黑人女人？
疯狂白人妇女？ 你可以挑选。
疯狂白人妇女？ 你可以挑选。
03:58
Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman?
Or a crazy white one?
Or a crazy white one?
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04:05
You can pick.
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04:07
But in fact, the effect is
that when we say what's important to us,
that when we say what's important to us,
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但事实上,
当我们在表达对我们很重要的事时，
当我们在表达对我们很重要的事时，
04:11
which is what anger is conveying,
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就是愤怒所传达的，
04:14
people are more likely
to get angry at us for being angry.
to get angry at us for being angry.
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人们更有可能对
我们的愤怒感到生气。
我们的愤怒感到生气。
04:18
Whether we're at home or in school
or at work or in a political arena,
or at work or in a political arena,
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无论我们是在家里、在学校、
在工作中还是在政治舞台上，
在工作中还是在政治舞台上，
04:24
anger confirms masculinity,
and it confounds femininity.
and it confounds femininity.
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愤怒证实了男子气概，
却混淆了女性气质。
却混淆了女性气质。
所以，男人会因为展示它
而得到回报，
而得到回报，
04:29
So men are rewarded for displaying it,
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04:31
and women are penalized
for doing the same.
for doing the same.
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而女人也会
因为它而受到惩罚。
因为它而受到惩罚。
04:35
This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,
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这使我们处于巨大的不利之中，
特别是当我们必须捍卫
特别是当我们必须捍卫
04:38
particularly when we have to defend
ourselves and our own interests.
ourselves and our own interests.
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自己和自身利益的时候。
04:43
If we're faced with a threatening
street harasser, predatory employer,
street harasser, predatory employer,
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如果我们面对有威胁性的
街头骚扰者或是强取豪夺的雇主，
街头骚扰者或是强取豪夺的雇主，
04:47
a sexist, racist classmate,
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或是一个有性别歧视、
种族主义的同学，我们的大脑尖叫，
种族主义的同学，我们的大脑尖叫，
04:50
our brains are screaming,
"Are you kidding me?"
"Are you kidding me?"
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“你逗我啊？”
而我们的嘴却说，“对不起，什么？”
04:54
And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"
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04:58
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:00
Right?
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对吧？
这是相互矛盾的，因为愤怒
05:03
And it's conflicting because
the anger gets all tangled up
the anger gets all tangled up
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与焦虑、恐惧、
风险和报复纠缠在一起。
风险和报复纠缠在一起。
05:06
with the anxiety and the fear
and the risk and retaliation.
and the risk and retaliation.
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05:09
If you ask women what they fear the most
in response to their anger,
in response to their anger,
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如果问女性，她们最害怕
别人如何回应她们的愤怒，
别人如何回应她们的愤怒，
她们不会说暴力。
05:13
they don't say violence.
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05:15
They say mockery.
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而是嘲弄。
想想这意味着什么。
05:17
Think about what that means.
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如果你有多个被边缘化的身份，
05:20
If you have multiple marginalized
identities, it's not just mockery.
identities, it's not just mockery.
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如果你为自己辩护，
受到的就不仅仅是嘲弄。
受到的就不仅仅是嘲弄。
05:25
If you defend yourself,
if you put a stake in the ground,
if you put a stake in the ground,
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如果你认真对待这些，
可能会有可怕的后果。
可能会有可怕的后果。
05:29
there can be dire consequences.
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现在我们一直再现这些情况，
虽不是生硬直白地展现，
虽不是生硬直白地展现，
05:32
Now we reproduce these patterns
not in big, bold and blunt ways,
not in big, bold and blunt ways,
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05:37
but in the everyday banality of life.
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而是在于日常的平庸生活。
05:41
When my daughter was in preschool,
every single morning
every single morning
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当我的女儿在幼儿园时，
每天早上
每天早上
05:44
she built an elaborate castle --
ribbons and blocks --
ribbons and blocks --
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她会搭一个精致的城堡，
用丝带和积木。
用丝带和积木。
05:47
and every single morning the same boy
knocked it down gleefully.
knocked it down gleefully.
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每天早晨，同一个男孩会
兴高采烈地把它撞倒。
兴高采烈地把它撞倒。
05:51
His parents were there, but they never
intervened before the fact.
intervened before the fact.
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他的父母在那里，
但他们从来没有在事前干预过。
但他们从来没有在事前干预过。
05:56
They were happy to provide
platitudes afterwards:
platitudes afterwards:
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但他们很乐意在
事后提供陈词滥调。
事后提供陈词滥调。
06:00
"Boys will be boys."
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“ 男孩总归是男孩。”
06:02
"It's so tempting, he just
couldn't help himself."
couldn't help himself."
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“ 这如此诱人，
他只是忍不住而已。”
他只是忍不住而已。”
06:06
I did what many girls
and women learn to do.
and women learn to do.
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我做了很多女孩
和妇女学会做的。
和妇女学会做的。
我先发制人维持了和平，我教
我的女儿做同样的事情。
我的女儿做同样的事情。
06:10
I preemptively kept the peace,
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06:12
and I taught my daughter
to do the same thing.
to do the same thing.
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06:15
She used her words.
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她用她的话语阻止他。
06:18
She tried to gently body block him.
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她试图轻轻地挡住他。
06:20
She moved where she was building
in the classroom, to no effect.
in the classroom, to no effect.
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她把城堡搬到了
教室里其它地方，没有影响他人。
教室里其它地方，没有影响他人。
06:25
So I and the other adults mutually
constructed a particular male entitlement.
constructed a particular male entitlement.
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所以我和其他成年人共同
构建了一个特定的男性权利。
构建了一个特定的男性权利。
06:32
He could run rampant
and control the environment,
and control the environment,
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他可以肆无忌惮地运行、控制环境，
而她把自己的感情藏在心里，
并努力解决他的需求。
并努力解决他的需求。
06:35
and she kept her feelings to herself
and worked around his needs.
and worked around his needs.
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06:41
We failed both of them
by not giving her anger the uptake
by not giving her anger the uptake
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我们没为她的愤怒提供
应有的理解和决心，
应有的理解和决心，
06:45
and resolution that it deserved.
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这让他们两方都失望了。
06:48
Now that's a microcosm
of a much bigger problem.
of a much bigger problem.
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现在，这是一个巨大问题的缩影，
因为在文化上，世界上，
因为在文化上，世界上，
06:51
Because culturally, worldwide,
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我们更喜欢男性的表现，以及
伴随这种表现而来的力量和特权，
伴随这种表现而来的力量和特权，
06:55
we preference the performance
of masculinity --
of masculinity --
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06:59
and the power and privilege
that come with that performance --
that come with that performance --
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而不是儿童和女性的权利、需要
07:03
over the rights and needs and words
of children and women.
of children and women.
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以及诉求。
07:08
So it will come as absolutely no surprise,
probably, to the people in this room
probably, to the people in this room
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因此，对于
在座的人来说，
在座的人来说，
07:13
that women report being angrier in more
sustained ways and with more intensity
sustained ways and with more intensity
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报告说女性比男性更持久、
更强烈地愤怒
更强烈地愤怒
这是绝对不足为奇的。
07:19
than men do.
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07:21
Some of that comes from the fact
that we're socialized to ruminate,
that we're socialized to ruminate,
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其中的一些原因是，我们被社会化了，
会反复思考，
会反复思考，
将它藏于心中并自己思考。
07:24
to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.
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07:27
But we also have to find
socially palatable ways
socially palatable ways
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但我们也必须找到
社会可接受的方法
社会可接受的方法
07:31
to express the intensity
of emotion that we have
of emotion that we have
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来表达我们的
强烈情感和
强烈情感和
意识到它给我们带来的不稳定。
07:35
and the awareness
that it brings of our precarity.
that it brings of our precarity.
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所以我们做了几件事。
07:39
So we do several things.
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07:42
If men knew how often women were filled
with white hot rage when we cried,
with white hot rage when we cried,
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如果男人知道当女人哭的时候，
我们是充满了多么炽热的愤怒，
我们是充满了多么炽热的愤怒，
07:47
they would be staggered.
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他们就会非常吃惊。
（笑声）
07:49
(Laughter)
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07:51
We use minimizing language.
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我们使用最小化的语言。
07:53
"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."
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“ 我们只是感到沮丧，不，真的，
没关系。”
没关系。”
07:55
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
07:57
We self-objectify and lose the ability
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我们自我客观化，失去能力去认清
08:01
to even recognize the physiological
changes that indicate anger.
changes that indicate anger.
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表明愤怒的生理变化。
08:07
Mainly, though, we get sick.
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但大多情况下，我们会生病。
08:11
Anger has now been implicated
in a whole array of illnesses
in a whole array of illnesses
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现在，愤怒与
一整套疾病有关
一整套疾病有关
08:15
that are casually dismissed
as "women's illnesses."
as "women's illnesses."
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这些疾病随便被视为
“妇女疾病”。
“妇女疾病”。
慢性疼痛，
自身免疫性疾病，饮食紊乱，
自身免疫性疾病，饮食紊乱，
08:19
Higher rates of chronic pain,
autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
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精神痛苦，焦虑，
自我伤害，抑郁症的比率较高。
自我伤害，抑郁症的比率较高。
08:24
mental distress, anxiety,
self harm, depression.
self harm, depression.
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愤怒影响我们的免疫系统和
心血管系统。
心血管系统。
08:29
Anger affects our immune systems,
our cardiovascular systems.
our cardiovascular systems.
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一些研究甚至表明，
它影响到死亡率，
它影响到死亡率，
08:33
Some studies even indicate
that it affects mortality rates,
that it affects mortality rates,
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08:37
particularly in black women with cancer.
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尤其是黑人患癌症的妇女。
08:42
I am sick and tired of the women
I know being sick and tired.
I know being sick and tired.
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我厌倦了我认识的女性所受
疾病与疲惫的困扰。
疾病与疲惫的困扰。
我们的愤怒带来了极大的不适，
08:49
Our anger brings great discomfort,
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而这其中的冲突就在于
我们的作用常常是给别人带来安慰。
我们的作用常常是给别人带来安慰。
08:52
and the conflict comes because
it's our role to bring comfort.
it's our role to bring comfort.
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08:57
There is anger that's acceptable.
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有愤怒是可以接受的。
08:58
We can be angry when we stay in our lanes
and buttress the status quo.
and buttress the status quo.
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当我们在自己的界限中
作为母亲或老师的时候，
作为母亲或老师的时候，
我们可以生气。
09:05
As mothers or teachers,
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09:08
we can be mad, but we can't be angry
about the tremendous costs of nurturing.
about the tremendous costs of nurturing.
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我们可以生气，但我们不能对
养育生命的巨大代价感到愤怒。
养育生命的巨大代价感到愤怒。
09:13
We can be angry at our mothers.
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我们可以对我们的母亲生气。
09:15
Let's say, as teenagers --
patriarchal rules and regulations --
patriarchal rules and regulations --
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比方说，作为青少年，
父权规则和条例，
父权规则和条例，
我们不怪系统。我们责怪她们。
09:19
we don't blame systems, we blame them.
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我们可以对别的女人生气
因为谁不爱好勾心斗呢？
因为谁不爱好勾心斗呢？
09:21
We can be angry at other women,
because who doesn't love a good catfight?
because who doesn't love a good catfight?
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09:26
And we can be angry at men with
lower status in an expressive hierarchy
lower status in an expressive hierarchy
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我们可以对那些
在种族歧视、仇外主义的社会中处于
在种族歧视、仇外主义的社会中处于
社会底层的男性泄愤。
09:32
that supports racism or xenophobia.
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09:35
But we have an enormous power in this.
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但是，我们有巨大的力量。
09:38
Because feelings are the purview
of our authority,
of our authority,
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因为感情
是我们权威的范围，
是我们权威的范围，
09:43
and people are uncomfortable
with our anger.
with our anger.
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人们对
我们的愤怒感到不适，
我们的愤怒感到不适，
09:46
We should be making people comfortable
with the discomfort they feel
with the discomfort they feel
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我们应该要热让
那些听到女人毫无歉意地说不
那些听到女人毫无歉意地说不
09:51
when women say no, unapologetically.
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会感到不适的人们
感到舒服。
感到舒服。
09:55
We can take emotions and think in terms
of competence and not gender.
of competence and not gender.
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我们可以以能力而非性别
来看待情感和思考。
来看待情感和思考。
能够处理愤怒并从中找到意义的人
10:01
People who are able to process their anger
and make meaning from it
and make meaning from it
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更有创意，更乐观，
10:05
are more creative, more optimistic,
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10:08
they have more intimacy,
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会与人更亲密，
10:10
they're better problem solvers,
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更能解决问题，
10:14
they have greater political efficacy.
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更有政治效力。
10:17
Now I am a woman
writing about women and feelings,
writing about women and feelings,
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我是一个女人，我书写女性和感情，
所以很少有权力的男人会
所以很少有权力的男人会
10:20
so very few men with power
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认真对待我说的话，
将它作为一个政治问题。
将它作为一个政治问题。
10:23
are going to take what I'm saying
seriously, as a matter of politics.
seriously, as a matter of politics.
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我们认为政治和愤怒
就是轻蔑，蔑视和愤怒
就是轻蔑，蔑视和愤怒
10:27
We think of politics and anger in terms
of the contempt and disdain and fury
of the contempt and disdain and fury
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10:33
that are feeding a rise
of macho-fascism in the world.
of macho-fascism in the world.
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这些正在助长世界各地的
大男子-法西斯主义。
大男子-法西斯主义。
10:37
But if it's that poison,
it's also the antidote.
it's also the antidote.
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但是，如果它是毒药，
它也是解毒剂。
它也是解毒剂。
10:41
We have an anger of hope,
and we see it every single day
and we see it every single day
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我们有着怀着希望的愤怒，
我们每天都在
我们每天都在
妇女和边缘化人民的抗拒中
看到这种愤怒。
看到这种愤怒。
10:45
in the resistant anger of women
and marginalized people.
and marginalized people.
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10:49
It's related to compassion
and empathy and love,
and empathy and love,
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它与同情心、同理心和爱相连，
10:54
and we should recognize
that anger as well.
that anger as well.
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我们也应该
认识到这种愤怒。
认识到这种愤怒。
10:59
The issue is that societies that don't
respect women's anger don't respect women.
respect women's anger don't respect women.
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问题在于不尊重女性愤怒的社会
同样不尊重女性。
同样不尊重女性。
11:07
The real danger of our anger isn't that
it will break bonds or plates.
it will break bonds or plates.
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我们愤怒的真正危险不是
它会破坏纽带或盘子。
它会破坏纽带或盘子。
11:14
It's that it exactly shows
how seriously we take ourselves,
how seriously we take ourselves,
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它恰恰表明了
我们是多么认真地对待自己，
我们是多么认真地对待自己，
我们期望其他人也认真对待我们。
11:19
and we expect other people
to take us seriously as well.
to take us seriously as well.
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11:24
When that happens, chances are very good
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当发生这种情况时，
女性很有可能可以
在她们愿意的时候微笑。
在她们愿意的时候微笑。
11:27
that women will be able to smile
when they want to.
when they want to.
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11:33
(Applause)
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谢谢你们。
11:34
Thank you.
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（掌声）（欢呼）
11:35
(Applause) (Cheers)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Soraya Chemaly - Writer, activistSoraya Chemaly writes and thinks about social justice.
Why you should listen
Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning journalist, essayist and author whose work appears regularly in national and international media. In her writing, she rigorously and irreverently casts a bright, incisive light on what it means to be a woman in world built by men. Her narrative skill, careful research and humor-filled analyses described by the New Yorker as "relentless and revelatory." She brings these skills to bear in a critical examination of the social construction of anger and its effects on women's lives in her first book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger.
Soraya Chemaly | Speaker | TED.com