TEDWomen 2018
Soraya Chemaly: The power of women's anger
索拉雅奇梅利: 女人憤怒的力量
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作家索拉雅奇梅利說：憤怒是一種強大的情緒，會對我們的威脅、侮辱、屈辱和傷害發出警告。但全世界的女孩和女人被教導在憤怒時最好保持沉默。為什麼這樣？如果不出聲，我們可能會失去什麼？在這場充滿挑釁、引人深思的演說中，奇梅利探討了一個危險的謊言：憤怒代表妳不夠女性化。她也說明女人的怒火其實是正當、健康的，且可能是改變的媒介。
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
So sometimes I get angry,
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有時，我會生氣，
00:15
and it took me many years
to be able to say just those words.
to be able to say just those words.
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為了說出這幾個字
花了我好多年的時間。
花了我好多年的時間。
00:20
In my work,
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在我工作時，
00:21
sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.
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我的身體有時會顫抖，
我會很憤怒。
我會很憤怒。
00:26
But no matter how justified
my anger has been,
my anger has been,
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但無論我的怒火有多正當的理由，
00:30
throughout my life,
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在我的一生中，
00:31
I've always been led to understand
that my anger is an exaggeration,
that my anger is an exaggeration,
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我一直被教育，
我的怒火是一種誇大、
我的怒火是一種誇大、
00:36
a misrepresentation,
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刻意的扭曲，
00:38
that it will make me rude and unlikable.
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認為這怒火會讓我
顯得無禮且不討喜。
顯得無禮且不討喜。
00:42
Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl,
that anger is an emotion
that anger is an emotion
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主要是身為女孩，
我了解到身為女孩，
我了解到身為女孩，
憤怒是一種情緒，
最好不要表現出來。
最好不要表現出來。
00:47
better left entirely unvoiced.
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00:51
Think about my mother for a minute.
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來講個跟我媽有關的故事。
00:53
When I was 15, I came home
from school one day,
from school one day,
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我十五歲時，有一天我放學回家，
00:56
and she was standing on a long veranda
outside of our kitchen,
outside of our kitchen,
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她站在我們廚房外的長廊上，
01:00
holding a giant stack of plates.
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拿了一大疊的盤子。
01:02
Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she
started to throw them like Frisbees...
started to throw them like Frisbees...
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想像當她把盤子當飛盤般
扔向我時，我有多目瞪口呆……
扔向我時，我有多目瞪口呆……
01:08
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:09
into the hot, humid air.
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扔向又熱又濕的空氣中。
01:12
When every single plate had shattered
into thousands of pieces
into thousands of pieces
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在所有的盤子碎成數千片
01:16
on the hill below,
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掉落到下頭的斜坡上後，
01:17
she walked back in and she said to me,
cheerfully, "How was your day?"
cheerfully, "How was your day?"
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她走回屋內，開心地對我說：
「你今天過得如何？」
「你今天過得如何？」
01:21
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
01:25
Now you can see how a child
would look at an incident like this
would look at an incident like this
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各位應該可以理解
孩子在面對這樣的事件之後，
孩子在面對這樣的事件之後，
01:31
and think that anger is silent, isolating,
destructive, even frightening.
destructive, even frightening.
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會以為憤怒是沉默的、孤立的、
摧毀性的，甚至是可怕的。
摧毀性的，甚至是可怕的。
01:37
Especially though when the person
who's angry is a girl or a woman.
who's angry is a girl or a woman.
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特別是當憤怒的人
是一位女孩或女人的時候。
是一位女孩或女人的時候。
01:43
The question is why.
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問題是，為什麼？
01:45
Anger is a human emotion,
neither good nor bad.
neither good nor bad.
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憤怒是一種人類情緒，沒有好壞。
01:49
It is actually a signal emotion.
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它其實是一種信號情緒。
它在對我們受到的
它在對我們受到的
01:50
It warns us of indignity, threat,
insult and harm.
insult and harm.
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屈辱、威脅、侮辱和傷害發出警告。
01:55
And yet, in culture after culture,
anger is reserved as the moral property
anger is reserved as the moral property
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然而，在各個文化的認知當中，
憤怒這品格特質
被保留給男孩和男人。
被保留給男孩和男人。
02:01
of boys and men.
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02:03
Now, to be sure, there are differences.
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但無可否認，是有差別的。
02:05
So in the United States, for example,
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比如，在美國，
02:07
an angry black man
is viewed as a criminal,
is viewed as a criminal,
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憤怒的黑人會被視為罪犯，
02:12
but an angry white man has civic virtue.
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但憤怒的白人卻被認為有公德心。
02:15
Regardless of where we are, however,
the emotion is gendered.
the emotion is gendered.
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然而，不論在哪個地方，
這種情緒都有性別差異。
這種情緒都有性別差異。
02:19
And so we teach children to disdain anger
in girls and women,
in girls and women,
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所以，我們會去教導孩子
鄙視女孩和女人的憤怒，
鄙視女孩和女人的憤怒，
02:24
and we grow up to be adults
that penalize it.
that penalize it.
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長大後還要懲罰憤怒的女性。
02:29
So what if we didn't do that?
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如果我們沒這麼做，會怎樣？
02:32
What if we didn't sever
anger from femininity?
anger from femininity?
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如果我們不把憤怒
和女性氣質分開來談，會怎樣？
和女性氣質分開來談，會怎樣？
02:36
Because severing anger from femininity
means we sever girls and women
means we sever girls and women
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因為切斷女性氣質的憤怒
意味著女性面對不公不義時
02:40
from the emotion that best
protects us from injustice.
protects us from injustice.
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最能保護她們的情緒也被切斷了。
02:43
What if instead we thought about
developing emotional competence
developing emotional competence
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倘若我們轉而思考
直接培養男孩和女孩
處理情緒的能力呢？
處理情緒的能力呢？
02:47
for boys and girls?
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02:49
The fact is we still
remarkably socialize children
remarkably socialize children
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事實上，我們的社會還是會用二分法
或非常對立的方式
將男女生分別看待。
將男女生分別看待。
02:53
in very binary and oppositional ways.
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02:56
Boys are held to absurd,
rigid norms of masculinity --
rigid norms of masculinity --
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也就是，男孩要遵守荒唐
又死板的男子氣概標準——
又死板的男子氣概標準——
03:01
told to renounce the feminine emotionality
of sadness or fear
of sadness or fear
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告訴他們不能夠有女性特有的
悲傷或害怕的特質，
悲傷或害怕的特質，
03:05
and to embrace aggression and anger
as markers of real manhood.
as markers of real manhood.
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且直接面對侵略和憤怒
才是真男人的表現。
才是真男人的表現。
03:10
On the other hand,
girls learn to be deferential,
girls learn to be deferential,
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另一方面，女孩則要學會三從四德，
03:14
and anger is incompatible with deference.
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且憤怒與遵從是不相容的。
03:18
In the same way that we learned
to cross our legs and tame our hair,
to cross our legs and tame our hair,
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同樣地，我們女生得學會
兩腿併好，把頭髮梳順，
兩腿併好，把頭髮梳順，
03:24
we learned to bite our tongues
and swallow our pride.
and swallow our pride.
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我們得學會忍著不說出
自己的感覺，把自尊往肚裡吞。
自己的感覺，把自尊往肚裡吞。
03:28
What happens too often
is that for all of us,
is that for all of us,
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於是大部份人遇到一種情況：
03:32
indignity becomes imminent
in our notions of femininity.
in our notions of femininity.
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女性觀念使得侮辱變得迫在眉睫。
03:36
There's a long personal and political
tale to that bifurcation.
tale to that bifurcation.
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此個人觀感與政治都不正確的二分法
是長久以來存在的謊言。
是長久以來存在的謊言。
03:42
In anger, we go from being
spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,
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一旦發怒就會被扣上這些帽子：
犯公主病、荷爾蒙作怪的青少年，
犯公主病、荷爾蒙作怪的青少年，
03:47
to high maintenance women
and shrill, ugly nags.
and shrill, ugly nags.
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或難以伺候、愛尖叫
又醜又嘮叨的女人。
又醜又嘮叨的女人。
03:52
We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.
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我們有不同的口味；隨你挑。
03:55
Are you a spicy hot Latina
when you're mad?
when you're mad?
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當你生氣時，你是火辣的
拉丁美洲女郎嗎？
拉丁美洲女郎嗎？
03:58
Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman?
Or a crazy white one?
Or a crazy white one?
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還是悲傷的亞洲女孩？
憤怒的黑人女性？抓狂的白種女人？
憤怒的黑人女性？抓狂的白種女人？
04:05
You can pick.
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隨你挑選。
04:07
But in fact, the effect is
that when we say what's important to us,
that when we say what's important to us,
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但，事實上，效應就是
當我們說出對我們重要的事，
當我們說出對我們重要的事，
04:11
which is what anger is conveying,
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表達我們的憤怒時，
04:14
people are more likely
to get angry at us for being angry.
to get angry at us for being angry.
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大家比較有可能會對
我們的憤怒而感到生氣。
我們的憤怒而感到生氣。
04:18
Whether we're at home or in school
or at work or in a political arena,
or at work or in a political arena,
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不論我們在家、在學校、
在工作，或在政治舞台，
在工作，或在政治舞台，
04:24
anger confirms masculinity,
and it confounds femininity.
and it confounds femininity.
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憤怒是男子氣概的表現，
這會混淆我們對女性特質的定義。
這會混淆我們對女性特質的定義。
04:29
So men are rewarded for displaying it,
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所以，男人展現憤怒會被獎賞，
04:31
and women are penalized
for doing the same.
for doing the same.
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換成女人，則會被懲罰。
04:35
This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,
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這讓我們處在非常大的劣勢，
04:38
particularly when we have to defend
ourselves and our own interests.
ourselves and our own interests.
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特別是當我們得要保護自己
或守護自身利益時。
或守護自身利益時。
04:43
If we're faced with a threatening
street harasser, predatory employer,
street harasser, predatory employer,
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如果我們面臨有威脅性的
街頭騷擾者、掠奪型的僱主、
街頭騷擾者、掠奪型的僱主、
04:47
a sexist, racist classmate,
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性別歧視、種族歧視的同學，
04:50
our brains are screaming,
"Are you kidding me?"
"Are you kidding me?"
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實際上我們的大腦是在尖叫：
「你在耍我嗎？」
「你在耍我嗎？」
04:54
And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"
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但我們的嘴巴卻只能說：
「我很抱歉，怎麼了？」
「我很抱歉，怎麼了？」
04:58
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
05:00
Right?
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對吧？
05:03
And it's conflicting because
the anger gets all tangled up
the anger gets all tangled up
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這很矛盾，因為憤怒和焦慮、
05:06
with the anxiety and the fear
and the risk and retaliation.
and the risk and retaliation.
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恐懼、風險、報復都糾纏在一起。
05:09
If you ask women what they fear the most
in response to their anger,
in response to their anger,
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如果問女人，她們最怕別人
在她們憤怒時做出什麼樣的反應，
在她們憤怒時做出什麼樣的反應，
05:13
they don't say violence.
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她們不會回答是暴力。
05:15
They say mockery.
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她們會說是嘲笑。
05:17
Think about what that means.
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想想看那是什麼意思。
05:20
If you have multiple marginalized
identities, it's not just mockery.
identities, it's not just mockery.
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如果你有多種被邊緣化的身份，
受到的就不僅僅是嘲弄。
受到的就不僅僅是嘲弄。
05:25
If you defend yourself,
if you put a stake in the ground,
if you put a stake in the ground,
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如果你為自己辯護，
如果你勇敢站出來為自己發聲，
可能會有可怕的後果。
可能會有可怕的後果。
05:29
there can be dire consequences.
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05:32
Now we reproduce these patterns
not in big, bold and blunt ways,
not in big, bold and blunt ways,
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如今，我們不會大辣辣地
讓這些事一再發生，
讓這些事一再發生，
05:37
but in the everyday banality of life.
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但卻不知不覺地，每天在
我們的日常生活中一直出現。
我們的日常生活中一直出現。
05:41
When my daughter was in preschool,
every single morning
every single morning
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前陣子，我女兒去上幼稚園，
05:44
she built an elaborate castle --
ribbons and blocks --
ribbons and blocks --
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每天早上，她都會建造一座
精緻的城堡——絲帶和積木——
精緻的城堡——絲帶和積木——
05:47
and every single morning the same boy
knocked it down gleefully.
knocked it down gleefully.
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每天早上，同一個男孩
都會興高采烈地把它撞倒。
都會興高采烈地把它撞倒。
05:51
His parents were there, but they never
intervened before the fact.
intervened before the fact.
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他的父母也在場，
卻不會在事發前干預。
卻不會在事發前干預。
05:56
They were happy to provide
platitudes afterwards:
platitudes afterwards:
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他們總是在事後
很開心的說些陳腔濫調：
很開心的說些陳腔濫調：
06:00
"Boys will be boys."
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「男孩就是這樣子的。」
06:02
"It's so tempting, he just
couldn't help himself."
couldn't help himself."
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「這太誘人了，他無法控制自己。」
06:06
I did what many girls
and women learn to do.
and women learn to do.
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我所做的事，是許多女孩
和女人學會做的事。
和女人學會做的事。
06:10
I preemptively kept the peace,
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我會提前表示和平，
06:12
and I taught my daughter
to do the same thing.
to do the same thing.
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我會教我的女兒也要這麼做。
06:15
She used her words.
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她用她的言語。
06:18
She tried to gently body block him.
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她試圖溫和地用身體阻擋他。
06:20
She moved where she was building
in the classroom, to no effect.
in the classroom, to no effect.
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她移動了她在教室中
建城堡的地點，但沒有用。
建城堡的地點，但沒有用。
06:25
So I and the other adults mutually
constructed a particular male entitlement.
constructed a particular male entitlement.
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所以其實，我和其他成人是在
建造一種男性專有的權利。
建造一種男性專有的權利。
06:32
He could run rampant
and control the environment,
and control the environment,
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讓他可以很猖獗並且控制環境，
06:35
and she kept her feelings to herself
and worked around his needs.
and worked around his needs.
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而她要把自已的感覺藏在心裡，
避開，不影響他的需求。
避開，不影響他的需求。
06:41
We failed both of them
by not giving her anger the uptake
by not giving her anger the uptake
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我們辜負了他們兩人，
因為我們沒有理解她的憤怒，
因為我們沒有理解她的憤怒，
06:45
and resolution that it deserved.
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她的憤怒應當獲得解決，但卻沒有。
06:48
Now that's a microcosm
of a much bigger problem.
of a much bigger problem.
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這只是一個更大問題的縮影。
06:51
Because culturally, worldwide,
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因為，全世界的文化
06:55
we preference the performance
of masculinity --
of masculinity --
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都偏愛男子氣慨的表現——
06:59
and the power and privilege
that come with that performance --
that come with that performance --
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賦予這類表現權力及特權——
07:03
over the rights and needs and words
of children and women.
of children and women.
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相對不那麼重視孩子和女人的
權利、需求、語言。
權利、需求、語言。
07:08
So it will come as absolutely no surprise,
probably, to the people in this room
probably, to the people in this room
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所以在座各位應該不意外
如果將來有報告指出：
如果將來有報告指出：
07:13
that women report being angrier in more
sustained ways and with more intensity
sustained ways and with more intensity
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女人的憤怒比男人更久，
強度也更高。
07:19
than men do.
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07:21
Some of that comes from the fact
that we're socialized to ruminate,
that we're socialized to ruminate,
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部分原因是我們被社會化，
會反覆思考，
會反覆思考，
07:24
to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.
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把憤怒藏在心底。
07:27
But we also have to find
socially palatable ways
socially palatable ways
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但我們得必須找到
社會可接受的方法，
社會可接受的方法，
07:31
to express the intensity
of emotion that we have
of emotion that we have
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來表達我們的強烈不滿，
07:35
and the awareness
that it brings of our precarity.
that it brings of our precarity.
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並意識到這些會帶來衝突。
07:39
So we do several things.
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所以，我們會有幾種做法。
07:42
If men knew how often women were filled
with white hot rage when we cried,
with white hot rage when we cried,
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如果男人知道，我們女人哭泣時，
心中充滿怒火的頻率，
心中充滿怒火的頻率，
07:47
they would be staggered.
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他們會嚇到。
07:49
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:51
We use minimizing language.
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我們會裝沒事的說 :
「我們很難過。但其實沒關係。」
07:53
"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."
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07:55
(Laughter)
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（笑聲）
07:57
We self-objectify and lose the ability
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我們會自我合理化，
甚至失去了一種能力，
甚至失去了一種能力，
08:01
to even recognize the physiological
changes that indicate anger.
changes that indicate anger.
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一種無法發現到自己憤怒時的
生理變化的能力。
生理變化的能力。
08:07
Mainly, though, we get sick.
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我們大部分會生病。
08:11
Anger has now been implicated
in a whole array of illnesses
in a whole array of illnesses
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如今，憤怒與一大堆疾病有關，
08:15
that are casually dismissed
as "women's illnesses."
as "women's illnesses."
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這些疾病也無端端地
被視為「婦女疾病」。
被視為「婦女疾病」。
08:19
Higher rates of chronic pain,
autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,
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頻繁的慢性疼痛、自我免疫失調、
不正常進食、心理痛苦、
焦慮、自我傷害、憂鬱。
焦慮、自我傷害、憂鬱。
08:24
mental distress, anxiety,
self harm, depression.
self harm, depression.
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08:29
Anger affects our immune systems,
our cardiovascular systems.
our cardiovascular systems.
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憤怒會影響我們的
免疫系統、心肺系統。
免疫系統、心肺系統。
08:33
Some studies even indicate
that it affects mortality rates,
that it affects mortality rates,
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有些研究還指出，
憤怒會影響死亡率，
憤怒會影響死亡率，
08:37
particularly in black women with cancer.
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特別是得癌症的黑人女性。
08:42
I am sick and tired of the women
I know being sick and tired.
I know being sick and tired.
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認識的女人生病、疲憊
——我受夠了。
——我受夠了。
08:49
Our anger brings great discomfort,
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我們的憤怒帶來極大的不適，
08:52
and the conflict comes because
it's our role to bring comfort.
it's our role to bring comfort.
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而衝突就在於
我們要扮演安慰人的角色。
我們要扮演安慰人的角色。
08:57
There is anger that's acceptable.
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有些憤怒可被接受。
08:58
We can be angry when we stay in our lanes
and buttress the status quo.
and buttress the status quo.
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我們謹守分際時生氣可被接受。
09:05
As mothers or teachers,
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身為母親或老師可以生氣，
09:08
we can be mad, but we can't be angry
about the tremendous costs of nurturing.
about the tremendous costs of nurturing.
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但不能因勞心勞力養育生命而憤怒。
09:13
We can be angry at our mothers.
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我們可以氣我們的母親。
09:15
Let's say, as teenagers --
patriarchal rules and regulations --
patriarchal rules and regulations --
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比如，青少年時——
爸媽訂的規則和規定——
爸媽訂的規則和規定——
09:19
we don't blame systems, we blame them.
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我們不怪罪體制，但怪罪他們。
09:21
We can be angry at other women,
because who doesn't love a good catfight?
because who doesn't love a good catfight?
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我們可以對別的女人生氣，
因為那些人特別愛勾心鬥角。
因為那些人特別愛勾心鬥角。
我們能對那些社會階層低
09:26
And we can be angry at men with
lower status in an expressive hierarchy
lower status in an expressive hierarchy
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09:32
that supports racism or xenophobia.
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支持種族歧視和仇外的男性生氣。
09:35
But we have an enormous power in this.
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但我們有很強大的力量。
09:38
Because feelings are the purview
of our authority,
of our authority,
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因為感覺舒不舒服是主觀的，
09:43
and people are uncomfortable
with our anger.
with our anger.
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人們對我們憤怒感到不快。
09:46
We should be making people comfortable
with the discomfort they feel
with the discomfort they feel
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我們要讓「聽到女人說不」
會感到不快的那些人
適應他們的不快，
適應他們的不快，
09:51
when women say no, unapologetically.
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我們用不著覺得過意不去。
09:55
We can take emotions and think in terms
of competence and not gender.
of competence and not gender.
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我們可以用能力而非性別
來看待情緒與思考。
來看待情緒與思考。
10:01
People who are able to process their anger
and make meaning from it
and make meaning from it
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能夠處理自己的憤怒，
並讓它有意義的人，
並讓它有意義的人，
10:05
are more creative, more optimistic,
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是比較有創意、比較樂觀的人，
10:08
they have more intimacy,
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他們比較親密，
10:10
they're better problem solvers,
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比較會解決問題，
10:14
they have greater political efficacy.
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他們有比較好的政治效力。
10:17
Now I am a woman
writing about women and feelings,
writing about women and feelings,
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我是女人，我寫的主題
是女人和感覺，
是女人和感覺，
10:20
so very few men with power
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所以，很少有權力的男人
10:23
are going to take what I'm saying
seriously, as a matter of politics.
seriously, as a matter of politics.
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會認真看待我說的話，
並把它視為一個政治議題。
並把它視為一個政治議題。
10:27
We think of politics and anger in terms
of the contempt and disdain and fury
of the contempt and disdain and fury
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我們會用輕視、鄙棄、暴怒的角度
來看待政治和憤怒，
來看待政治和憤怒，
10:33
that are feeding a rise
of macho-fascism in the world.
of macho-fascism in the world.
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這會讓大男人法西斯主義
在世界上興起。
在世界上興起。
10:37
But if it's that poison,
it's also the antidote.
it's also the antidote.
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但，如果它是毒藥，
它也會是解藥。
它也會是解藥。
10:41
We have an anger of hope,
and we see it every single day
and we see it every single day
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我們對憤怒有所期望，
我們每天都會看到
我們每天都會看到
10:45
in the resistant anger of women
and marginalized people.
and marginalized people.
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女人以及被邊緣化者不停地憤怒。
10:49
It's related to compassion
and empathy and love,
and empathy and love,
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這和同情心、同理心以及愛有關係。
10:54
and we should recognize
that anger as well.
that anger as well.
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我們也應該要認知到這種憤怒。
10:59
The issue is that societies that don't
respect women's anger don't respect women.
respect women's anger don't respect women.
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問題在於：
不尊重女人憤怒的社會
就不尊重女人。
就不尊重女人。
11:07
The real danger of our anger isn't that
it will break bonds or plates.
it will break bonds or plates.
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我們的憤怒最危險之處
不在於打壞關係或盤子，
不在於打壞關係或盤子，
11:14
It's that it exactly shows
how seriously we take ourselves,
how seriously we take ourselves,
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而在於我們有多認真對待自己，
11:19
and we expect other people
to take us seriously as well.
to take us seriously as well.
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和期望別人多認真對待我們。
11:24
When that happens, chances are very good
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如果能實現這一點，很有可能，
11:27
that women will be able to smile
when they want to.
when they want to.
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女人就能在她們想要
微笑的時候微笑了。
微笑的時候微笑了。
11:33
(Applause)
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（掌聲）
11:34
Thank you.
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謝謝。
11:35
(Applause) (Cheers)
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（掌聲）（歡呼）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Soraya Chemaly - Writer, activistSoraya Chemaly writes and thinks about social justice.
Why you should listen
Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning journalist, essayist and author whose work appears regularly in national and international media. In her writing, she rigorously and irreverently casts a bright, incisive light on what it means to be a woman in world built by men. Her narrative skill, careful research and humor-filled analyses described by the New Yorker as "relentless and revelatory." She brings these skills to bear in a critical examination of the social construction of anger and its effects on women's lives in her first book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger.
Soraya Chemaly | Speaker | TED.com