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Alexandra Sacks: A new way to think about the transition to motherhood
Aleksandra Saks (Alexandra Sacks): Novi način razmišljanja o prelasku u majčinstvo
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Kada se beba rodi, rađa se i majka, ali je prirodan i ponekad nestabilan proces prelaska u majčinstvo često prigušen sramotom ili pogrešnom dijagnozom postporođajne depresije. U ovom kratkom i informativnom govoru psihijatar Aleksandra Saks analizira emocionalnu igru povlačenja konopca kada se postaje majka i opisuje termin koji bi mogao pomoći da se to objasni: matrescencija.
Alexandra Sacks - Reproductive psychiatrist
Alexandra Sacks, M.D. is widely recognized as the leading clinical expert on matrescence: the developmental transition into motherhood. Full bio
Alexandra Sacks, M.D. is widely recognized as the leading clinical expert on matrescence: the developmental transition into motherhood. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:13
Do you remember a time
when you felt hormonal and moody?
when you felt hormonal and moody?
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Sećate se kada se se osećali
pod uticajem hormona i neraspoloženo?
pod uticajem hormona i neraspoloženo?
00:17
Your skin was breaking out,
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Izlazile su vam bubuljice,
00:19
your body was growing
in strange places and very fast,
in strange places and very fast,
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telo vam je raslo
na čudnim mestima i veoma brzo,
na čudnim mestima i veoma brzo,
00:24
and at the same time,
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a u isto vreme,
00:25
people were expecting you to be
grown-up in this new way.
grown-up in this new way.
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ljudi su očekivali od vas
da budete odrasli na nov način.
da budete odrasli na nov način.
00:29
Teenagers, right?
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Tinejdžeri, je l' da?
00:31
Well, these same changes happen
to a woman when she's having a baby.
to a woman when she's having a baby.
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Pa, te iste promene se dešavaju
ženi kada je trudna.
ženi kada je trudna.
00:36
And we know that it's normal
for teenagers to feel all over the place,
for teenagers to feel all over the place,
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A znamo da je normalno
da se tinejdžeri osećaju izgubljeno,
da se tinejdžeri osećaju izgubljeno,
00:40
so why don't we talk about
pregnancy in the same way?
pregnancy in the same way?
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pa zašto ne govorimo
o trudnoći na isti način?
o trudnoći na isti način?
00:44
There are entire textbooks written about
the developmental arc of adolescence,
the developmental arc of adolescence,
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Napisani su čitavi udžbenici
o razvojnom putu adolescencije,
o razvojnom putu adolescencije,
00:50
and we don't even have a word
to describe the transition to motherhood.
to describe the transition to motherhood.
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a nemamo ni jednu jedinu reč
za opis prelaska u majčinstvo.
za opis prelaska u majčinstvo.
00:55
We need one.
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Potrebna nam je takva reč.
Ja sam psihijatar koji radi sa trudnicama
i ženama u postporođajnom periodu,
i ženama u postporođajnom periodu,
00:57
I'm a psychiatrist who works
with pregnant and postpartum women,
with pregnant and postpartum women,
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01:00
a reproductive psychiatrist,
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reproduktivni psihijatar,
01:02
and in the decade that I've been
working in this field,
working in this field,
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i tokom decenije rada u ovom polju
01:05
I've noticed a pattern.
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primetila sam obrazac.
01:06
It goes something like this:
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Ide ovako nekako:
01:08
a woman calls me up,
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žena me pozove,
01:10
she's just had a baby,
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upravo je rodila bebu
01:12
and she's concerned.
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i zabrinuta je.
01:13
She says, "I'm not good at this.
I'm not enjoying this.
I'm not enjoying this.
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Kaže: „Ne ide mi ovo. Ne uživam u ovome.
01:17
Do I have postpartum depression?"
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Da li imam postporođajnu depresiju?“
01:20
So I go through the symptoms
of that diagnosis,
of that diagnosis,
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Prođem kroz simptome te dijagnoze,
01:23
and it's clear to me
that she's not clinically depressed,
that she's not clinically depressed,
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jasno mi je da ona nije
klinički depresivna
klinički depresivna
01:26
and I tell her that.
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i to joj i kažem.
01:27
But she isn't reassured.
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Ali ona nije sigurna u to.
01:29
"It isn't supposed to feel
like this," she insists.
like this," she insists.
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„Ne bi trebalo da bude
ovakav osećaj“, insistira ona.
ovakav osećaj“, insistira ona.
01:32
So I say, "OK. What did you
expect it to feel like?"
expect it to feel like?"
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Ja kažem: „U redu.
Kakav si osećaj očekivala?“
Kakav si osećaj očekivala?“
01:36
She says, "I thought motherhood
would make feel whole and happy.
would make feel whole and happy.
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Ona kaže: „Mislila sam da će majčinstvo
učiniti da se osećam ispunjeno i srećno.
učiniti da se osećam ispunjeno i srećno.
01:41
I thought my instincts
would naturally tell me what to do.
would naturally tell me what to do.
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Mislila da sam da će mi instinkti
prirodno govoriti šta da radim.
prirodno govoriti šta da radim.
01:45
I thought I'd always want
to put the baby first."
to put the baby first."
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Mislila sam da ću uvek hteti
da stavim bebu na prvo mesto.“
da stavim bebu na prvo mesto.“
01:49
This -- this is an unrealistic expectation
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Ovo je nerealno očekivanje
01:53
of what the transition
to motherhood feels like.
to motherhood feels like.
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o tome kakav je doživljaj
prelaska u majčinstvo.
prelaska u majčinstvo.
01:56
And it wasn't just her.
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A nije samo ona bila u pitanju.
01:58
I was getting calls with questions
like this from hundreds of women,
like this from hundreds of women,
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Primala sam pozive od stotina žena
sa ovakvim pitanjima,
sa ovakvim pitanjima,
02:03
all concerned that something was wrong,
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a sve su bile zabrinute
da nešto nije u redu
da nešto nije u redu
02:06
because they couldn't measure up.
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jer nisu mogle da ispune očekivanje.
02:08
And I didn't know how to help them,
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Nisam znala kako da im pomognem,
02:11
because telling them
that they weren't sick
that they weren't sick
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jer se od pričanja o tome da nisu bolesne
02:13
wasn't making them feel better.
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nisu osećale bolje.
02:16
I wanted to find a way
to normalize this transition,
to normalize this transition,
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Htela sam da pronađem način
da normalizujem ovu promenu,
da normalizujem ovu promenu,
02:21
to explain that discomfort is not always
the same thing as disease.
the same thing as disease.
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da objasnim da nelagodnost
nije uvek isto što i bolest.
nije uvek isto što i bolest.
02:26
So I set out to learn more about
the psychology of motherhood.
the psychology of motherhood.
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Zato sam krenula da naučim
nešto više o psihologiji majčinstva.
nešto više o psihologiji majčinstva.
02:30
But there actually wasn't much
in the medical textbooks,
in the medical textbooks,
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Ali baš i nije bilo mnogo toga
u medicinskim udžbenicima,
u medicinskim udžbenicima,
02:33
because doctors mostly
write about disease.
write about disease.
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jer doktori uglavnom pišu o bolestima.
02:36
So I turned to anthropology.
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Zato sam se okrenula antropologiji.
02:39
And it took me two years,
but in an out-of-print essay
but in an out-of-print essay
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Trebalo mi je dve godine,
ali sam u eseju koji više nije u štampi,
ali sam u eseju koji više nije u štampi,
02:42
written in 1973 by Dana Raphael,
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koji je 1973. godine
napisala Dejna Rafael,
napisala Dejna Rafael,
02:46
I finally found a helpful way
to frame this conversation:
to frame this conversation:
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konačno pronašla koristan način
da uokvirim ovaj razgovor:
da uokvirim ovaj razgovor:
02:51
matrescence.
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matrescencija.
02:53
It's not a coincidence that "matrescence"
sounds like "adolescence."
sounds like "adolescence."
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Nije slučajnost da „matrescencija“
zvuči kao „adolescencija“.
zvuči kao „adolescencija“.
02:59
Both are times when body morphing
and hormone shifting
and hormone shifting
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Oba predstavljaju periode
kada promene tela i hormona
kada promene tela i hormona
03:02
lead to an upheaval
in how a person feels emotionally
in how a person feels emotionally
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dovode do preokreta
u emocionalnom doživljaju osobe
u emocionalnom doživljaju osobe
03:06
and how they fit into the world.
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i u tome kako se ona uklapa u svet.
03:08
And like adolescence,
matrescence is not a disease,
matrescence is not a disease,
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Kao i adolescencija,
matrescencija nije bolest,
matrescencija nije bolest,
03:13
but since it's not
in the medical vocabulary,
in the medical vocabulary,
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ali pošto nije u medicinskom rečniku,
03:15
since doctors aren't
educating people about it,
educating people about it,
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pošto doktori ne edukuju ljude o tome,
03:18
it's being confused
with a more serious condition
with a more serious condition
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meša se sa ozbiljnijim stanjem
03:21
called postpartum depression.
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zvanim postporođajna depresija.
03:24
I've been building on
the anthropology literature
the anthropology literature
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Nadovezala sam se
na antropološku literaturu
na antropološku literaturu
03:26
and have been talking
about matrescence with my patients
about matrescence with my patients
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i govorila o matrescenciji
sa svojim pacijentima
sa svojim pacijentima
03:30
using a concept called
the "push and pull."
the "push and pull."
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pomoću koncepta zvanog
„odbacivanje i povlačenje“.
„odbacivanje i povlačenje“.
03:33
Here's the pull part.
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Evo dela o povlačenju.
03:35
As humans, our babies
are uniquely dependent.
are uniquely dependent.
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Kao ljudska bića, naše bebe
su zavisne na jedinstveni način.
su zavisne na jedinstveni način.
03:39
Unlike other animals,
our babies can't walk,
our babies can't walk,
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Za razliku od drugih životinja,
naše bebe ne mogu da hodaju,
naše bebe ne mogu da hodaju,
03:42
they can't feed themselves,
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ne mogu da se samostalno hrane,
03:43
they're very hard to take care of.
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vrlo je teško starati se o njima.
03:45
So evolution has helped us out
with this hormone called oxytocin.
with this hormone called oxytocin.
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Zato nam je evolucija pomogla
hormonom po imenu oksitocin.
hormonom po imenu oksitocin.
03:50
It's released around childbirth
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Oslobađa se oko porođaja,
03:53
and also during skin-to-skin touch,
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kao i za vreme dodira kože na kožu,
03:55
so it rises even if you didn't
give birth to the baby.
give birth to the baby.
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tako da se povećava
čak i ako niste vi rodili bebu.
čak i ako niste vi rodili bebu.
03:59
Oxytocin helps a human mother's brain
zoom in, pulling her attention in,
zoom in, pulling her attention in,
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Oksitocin pomaže mozgu majke
da se fokusira, povlačeći njenu pažnju,
da se fokusira, povlačeći njenu pažnju,
04:05
so that the baby is now
at the center of her world.
at the center of her world.
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tako da je sada beba centar njenog sveta.
04:08
But at the same time,
her mind is pushing away,
her mind is pushing away,
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Ali istovremeno, njen um i odbacuje,
04:13
because she remembers there are
all these other parts to her identity --
all these other parts to her identity --
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jer se ona seća da postoje
svi ti drugi delovi njenog identiteta -
svi ti drugi delovi njenog identiteta -
04:19
other relationships,
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druge veze,
04:21
her work,
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njen posao,
04:22
hobbies,
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hobiji,
04:24
a spiritual and intellectual life,
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spiritualni i intelektualni život,
04:26
not to mention physical needs:
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da ne pominjem fizičke potrebe:
04:28
to sleep, to eat, to exercise,
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da spava, jede, vežba,
04:32
to have sex,
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upražnjava seksualne odnose,
04:33
to go to the bathroom,
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da ide u kupatilo,
04:35
alone --
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sama -
04:36
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:37
if possible.
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ako je to moguće.
04:39
This is the emotional
tug-of-war of matrescence.
tug-of-war of matrescence.
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To je emocionalna igra
povlačenja konopca u matrescenciji.
povlačenja konopca u matrescenciji.
04:44
This is the tension
the women calling me were feeling.
the women calling me were feeling.
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To je tenzija koju su osećale
žene koje su me zvale.
žene koje su me zvale.
04:47
It's why they thought they were sick.
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Zato su mislile da su bolesne.
04:51
If women understood the natural
progression of matrescence,
progression of matrescence,
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Kada bi žene razumele
prirodan sled matrescencije,
prirodan sled matrescencije,
04:55
if they knew that most people found it
hard to live inside this push and pull,
hard to live inside this push and pull,
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kada bi znale da je za većinu ljudi teško
da žive u tom odbacivanju i povlačenju,
da žive u tom odbacivanju i povlačenju,
05:01
if they knew that under
these circumstances,
these circumstances,
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kada bi znale da je u takvim okolnostima
05:04
ambivalence was normal
and nothing to be ashamed of,
and nothing to be ashamed of,
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ambivalentnost normalna
i da nije nešto čega se treba stideti,
i da nije nešto čega se treba stideti,
05:09
they would feel less alone,
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osećale bi se manje usamljeno,
05:11
they would feel less stigmatized,
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osećale bi se manje stigmatizovano,
05:13
and I think it would even reduce
rates of postpartum depression.
rates of postpartum depression.
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a mislim da bi to čak umanjilo
i stopu postporođajne depresije.
i stopu postporođajne depresije.
05:18
I'd love to study that one day.
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Volela bih da to istražim jednog dana.
05:21
I'm a believer in talk therapy,
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Verujem u terapiju razgovorom,
tako da, ako hoćemo da promenimo način
05:23
so if we're going to change the way
our culture understands
our culture understands
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na koji naša kultura shvata
ovaj prelaz u majčinstvo,
ovaj prelaz u majčinstvo,
05:26
this transition to motherhood,
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05:27
women need to be talking to each other,
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žene moraju da razgovaraju
jedna sa drugom,
jedna sa drugom,
05:30
not just me.
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a ne samo sa mnom.
05:32
So mothers, talk about your matrescence
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Dakle, majke, pričajte
o svojoj matrescenciji
o svojoj matrescenciji
05:35
with other mothers, with your friends,
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sa drugim majkama, sa svojim prijateljima
05:38
and, if you have one, with your partner,
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i, ako ga imate, sa svojim partnerom,
05:40
so that they can understand
their own transition
their own transition
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tako da oni mogu da razumeju
sopstvene promene
sopstvene promene
05:43
and better support you.
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i da vas bolje podrže.
05:45
But it's not just about
protecting your relationship.
protecting your relationship.
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Ali, ne radi se samo
o tome da se zaštite vaše veze.
o tome da se zaštite vaše veze.
05:49
When you preserve
a separate part of your identity,
a separate part of your identity,
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Kada sačuvate odvojeni deo
svog identiteta,
svog identiteta,
05:53
you're also leaving room
for your child to develop their own.
for your child to develop their own.
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takođe ostavljate mesta
da vaše dete razvije svoj.
da vaše dete razvije svoj.
05:58
When a baby is born, so is a mother,
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Kada se beba rodi, rađa se i majka,
06:02
each unsteady in their own way.
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svaka nestabilna na svoj način.
06:05
Matrescence is profound,
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Matrescencija je vrlo duboka,
06:07
but it's also hard,
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ali je i teška,
06:09
and that's what makes it human.
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i to je ono što je čini ljudskom.
06:12
Thank you.
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Hvala.
06:13
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Alexandra Sacks - Reproductive psychiatristAlexandra Sacks, M.D. is widely recognized as the leading clinical expert on matrescence: the developmental transition into motherhood.
Why you should listen
Alexandra Sacks has spent the last decade of her career helping women navigate their emotional lives as a reproductive psychiatrist. She is a regular contributor to the New York Times, and her work has been featured in TIME, NPR and throughout Asia, Europe and Latin America.
Board-certified in psychiatry with specialty fellowship training in women's mental health via New York Presbyterian Cornell and Columbia, Sacks helms a private practice in New York City and serves on the advisory boards for the American Psychoanalytic Association and the Columbia Psychoanalytic Center for Training and Research. In April 2019, Dr. Sacks will publish her first co-authored book, What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood (Simon and Schuster).
Alexandra Sacks | Speaker | TED.com