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Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
Robert Waldinger: Hvad former et godt liv? Lærdom fra den længste undersøgelse om lykke
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Hvad holder os glade og raske hele livet? Hvis du tror det er berømmelse og penge, er du ikke alene - men, i følge psykiater Robart Waldinger, tager du fejl. Som direktør på et 75 år gammelt studie om voksenudvikling, har Waldinger uden fortilfælde adgang til data om ægte lykke og tilfredshed. I dette foredrag, deler han de tre vigtigste budskaber fra undersøgelsen sammen med nogle praktiske lektioner om at leve et langt meningsfuldt liv.
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priest
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Robert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What keeps us healthy and happy
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Hvad gør os sunde og glade
00:15
as we go through life?
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gennem hele livet?
00:18
If you were going to invest now
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Hvis du lige nu skulle investere
00:21
in your future best self,
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i den bedste fremtidige
udgave af dig selv
udgave af dig selv
00:23
where would you put your time
and your energy?
and your energy?
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hvad ville du så bruge din tid
og energi på?
og energi på?
00:27
There was a recent survey of millennials
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Der var fornyligt en undersøgelse af
årgang 00'er
årgang 00'er
00:29
asking them what their
most important life goals were,
most important life goals were,
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som blev spurgt, hvad deres
vigtigste mål i livet var,
vigtigste mål i livet var,
00:34
and over 80 percent said
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og over 80 procent svarede
00:36
that a major life goal for them
was to get rich.
was to get rich.
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at et vigtigt mål for dem
var at blive rige.
var at blive rige.
00:40
And another 50 percent
of those same young adults
of those same young adults
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Og 50% af disse unge voksne
00:45
said that another major life goal
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svarede at et andet
vigtigt mål
vigtigt mål
00:47
was to become famous.
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var at blive berømt.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
00:52
And we're constantly told
to lean in to work, to push harder
to lean in to work, to push harder
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Og vi bliver konstant fortalt at vi skal
arbejde hårdt, være ambitiøse
arbejde hårdt, være ambitiøse
00:58
and achieve more.
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og opnå mere.
01:00
We're given the impression that these
are the things that we need to go after
are the things that we need to go after
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Vi har fået det indtryk, at det er
hvad vi skal opnå
hvad vi skal opnå
01:04
in order to have a good life.
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for at få et godt liv.
01:06
Pictures of entire lives,
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Billeder af et helt liv,
01:08
of the choices that people make
and how those choices work out for them,
and how those choices work out for them,
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af de valg folk tager og hvordan
disse valg udarter sig for dem,
disse valg udarter sig for dem,
01:13
those pictures
are almost impossible to get.
are almost impossible to get.
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de billeder er næsten umulige af få.
01:18
Most of what we know about human life
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Det meste vi ved om menneskers liv
01:21
we know from asking people
to remember the past,
to remember the past,
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ved vi, fordi vi har spurgt til
folks erindringer,
folks erindringer,
01:24
and as we know, hindsight
is anything but 20/20.
is anything but 20/20.
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og som vi ved: bagklogskab
er sjældent nøjagtig.
er sjældent nøjagtig.
01:29
We forget vast amounts
of what happens to us in life,
of what happens to us in life,
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Vi glemmer en stor del
af hvad der er sket
af hvad der er sket
01:33
and sometimes memory
is downright creative.
is downright creative.
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og nogle gange er hukommelsen
ligefrem kreativ.
ligefrem kreativ.
01:36
But what if we could watch entire lives
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Men tænk hvis vi kunne
iagttage komplette liv
iagttage komplette liv
01:41
as they unfold through time?
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mens de udfolder sig?
01:44
What if we could study people
from the time that they were teenagers
from the time that they were teenagers
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Hvis vi kunne studere folk
fra tiden hvor de var teenagere
fra tiden hvor de var teenagere
01:48
all the way into old age
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hele vejen til alderdom
01:50
to see what really keeps people
happy and healthy?
happy and healthy?
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for at se hvad der virkelig
holder folk glade og raske?
holder folk glade og raske?
01:55
We did that.
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Det gjorde vi.
01:57
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
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Harvard Undersøgelse af Voksen Udvikling
01:59
may be the longest study
of adult life that's ever been done.
of adult life that's ever been done.
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er måske den længste undersøgelse
af voksenlivet, som nogensinde er lavet.
af voksenlivet, som nogensinde er lavet.
02:05
For 75 years, we've tracked
the lives of 724 men,
the lives of 724 men,
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I 75 år fulgte vi 724 mænd,
02:13
year after year, asking about their work,
their home lives, their health,
their home lives, their health,
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år efter år, spurgte vi ind til job,
hjemmeliv og deres helbred
hjemmeliv og deres helbred
02:17
and of course asking all along the way
without knowing how their life stories
without knowing how their life stories
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og spurgte naturligvis dem alle løbende
uden at vide hvordan deres livshistorie
uden at vide hvordan deres livshistorie
02:22
were going to turn out.
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ville udarte sig.
02:25
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.
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Undersøgelser som denne er
overordentligt sjældne.
overordentligt sjældne.
02:28
Almost all projects of this kind
fall apart within a decade
fall apart within a decade
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Næsten alle projekter af den type
falder fra hinanden inden 10 år
falder fra hinanden inden 10 år
02:33
because too many people
drop out of the study,
drop out of the study,
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fordi alt for mange mennesker
dropper ud af undersøgelsen,
dropper ud af undersøgelsen,
02:36
or funding for the research dries up,
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eller finansieringen stopper,
02:39
or the researchers get distracted,
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eller forskerne bliver distraheret,
02:41
or they die, and nobody moves the ball
further down the field.
further down the field.
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eller de dør, og ingen
giver bolden videre.
giver bolden videre.
02:46
But through a combination of luck
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Men med en kombination af held
02:48
and the persistence
of several generations of researchers,
of several generations of researchers,
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og udholdenhed hos
flere generationers forskere
flere generationers forskere
02:52
this study has survived.
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har undersøgelsen overlevet.
02:54
About 60 of our original 724 men
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Cirka 60 af vores oprindelige 724 mænd
02:59
are still alive,
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er stadig i live,
03:00
still participating in the study,
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deltager stadig i undersøgelsen,
03:02
most of them in their 90s.
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de fleste er i 90'erne.
03:05
And we are now beginning to study
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Og vi begynder nu at forske i
03:07
the more than 2,000 children of these men.
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de mere end 2000 børn af disse mænd.
03:11
And I'm the fourth director of the study.
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Jeg er den fjerde
direktør af undersøgelsen.
direktør af undersøgelsen.
03:15
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives
of two groups of men.
of two groups of men.
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Siden 1938 har vi fulgt livet
af to grupper med mænd.
af to grupper med mænd.
03:20
The first group started in the study
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Den første gruppe startede i undersøgelsen
03:22
when they were sophomores
at Harvard College.
at Harvard College.
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da de var på andet år,
på Harvard Universitet.
på Harvard Universitet.
03:25
They all finished college
during World War II,
during World War II,
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Alle afsluttede Universitetet
i løbet af 2. verdenskrig,
i løbet af 2. verdenskrig,
03:27
and then most went off
to serve in the war.
to serve in the war.
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og de fleste tog afsted
for at deltage i krigen.
for at deltage i krigen.
03:31
And the second group that we've followed
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Den anden gruppe som vi fulgte
03:33
was a group of boys
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,
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var en gruppe af drenge
fra Bostons fattigste kvarter,
fra Bostons fattigste kvarter,
03:37
boys who were chosen for the study
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drenge som var udvalgt til undersøgelsen,
03:39
specifically because they were
from some of the most troubled
from some of the most troubled
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specifikt, fordi de kom
fra nogen af de mest
fra nogen af de mest
03:43
and disadvantaged families
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socialt udsatte familier
03:44
in the Boston of the 1930s.
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i Boston i 1930'erne.
03:47
Most lived in tenements,
many without hot and cold running water.
many without hot and cold running water.
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De fleste boede i lejeboliger,
mange uden rindende vand.
mange uden rindende vand.
03:54
When they entered the study,
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Da de som teenagere
startede i undersøgelsen
startede i undersøgelsen
03:56
all of these teenagers were interviewed.
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blev de alle interviewet.
03:59
They were given medical exams.
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De undergik helbredstjek.
04:01
We went to their homes
and we interviewed their parents.
and we interviewed their parents.
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Vi besøgte dem og
interviewede deres forældre.
interviewede deres forældre.
04:05
And then these teenagers
grew up into adults
grew up into adults
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Og disse teenagere
voksede op
voksede op
04:07
who entered all walks of life.
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og landede i alle samfundslag.
04:10
They became factory workers and lawyers
and bricklayers and doctors,
and bricklayers and doctors,
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De blev fabriksarbejdere, advokater,
brolæggere og læger,
brolæggere og læger,
04:16
one President of the United States.
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en blev præsident i USA.
04:20
Some developed alcoholism.
A few developed schizophrenia.
A few developed schizophrenia.
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Nogle blev alkoholikere.
Få udviklede skizofreni.
Få udviklede skizofreni.
04:25
Some climbed the social ladder
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Nogle steg op ad den sociale rangstige
04:27
from the bottom
all the way to the very top,
all the way to the very top,
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fra bunden
hele vejen til den absolutte top,
hele vejen til den absolutte top,
04:30
and some made that journey
in the opposite direction.
in the opposite direction.
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og nogle tog rejsen
i den modsatte retning.
i den modsatte retning.
04:35
The founders of this study
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Grundlæggerne af denne undersøgelse
04:38
would never in their wildest dreams
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ville aldrig i deres vildeste fantasi
04:40
have imagined that I would be
standing here today, 75 years later,
standing here today, 75 years later,
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have drømt om at jeg ville
stå her idag, 75 år senere,
stå her idag, 75 år senere,
04:45
telling you that
the study still continues.
the study still continues.
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og fortæller Jer
at forskningen stadig består.
at forskningen stadig består.
04:49
Every two years, our patient
and dedicated research staff
and dedicated research staff
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Hvert andet år, ringer vores tålmodige
og dedikerede forskerhold
og dedikerede forskerhold
04:52
calls up our men
and asks them if we can send them
and asks them if we can send them
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til vores mænd og spørger
om vi må sende dem
om vi må sende dem
04:56
yet one more set of questions
about their lives.
about their lives.
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endnu et sæt spørgsmål
vedrørende deres liv.
vedrørende deres liv.
05:00
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,
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Mange fra Bostons centrum spørger:
05:03
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?
My life just isn't that interesting."
My life just isn't that interesting."
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"Hvorfor vil I fortsat studere mig?
Mit liv er ikke så interessant."
Mit liv er ikke så interessant."
05:08
The Harvard men never ask that question.
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Mændene fra Harvard
stiller aldrig det spørgsmål.
stiller aldrig det spørgsmål.
05:11
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:20
To get the clearest picture
of these lives,
of these lives,
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For at få det klareste billede
af deres liv,
af deres liv,
05:23
we don't just send them questionnaires.
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sender vi dem ikke kun spørgeskemaer.
05:26
We interview them in their living rooms.
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Vi interviewer dem
hjemme hos dem selv.
hjemme hos dem selv.
05:29
We get their medical records
from their doctors.
from their doctors.
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Vi får journaler fra deres læger.
05:32
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,
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Vi tager blodprøver,
vi scanner deres hjerner,
vi scanner deres hjerner,
05:34
we talk to their children.
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vi taler med deres børn.
05:36
We videotape them talking with their wives
about their deepest concerns.
about their deepest concerns.
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Vi filmer dem, mens de taler om deres
dybeste bekymringer med ægtefællen.
dybeste bekymringer med ægtefællen.
05:41
And when, about a decade ago,
we finally asked the wives
we finally asked the wives
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Og da vi for ca. 10 år siden,
endelig spurgte deres ægtefæller
endelig spurgte deres ægtefæller
05:45
if they would join us
as members of the study,
as members of the study,
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om de også ville deltage
i undersøgelsen
i undersøgelsen
05:47
many of the women said,
"You know, it's about time."
"You know, it's about time."
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svarede mange af kvinderne:
"Det var på tide."
"Det var på tide."
05:50
(Laughter)
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(Latter)
05:51
So what have we learned?
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Så hvad har vi lært?
05:53
What are the lessons that come
from the tens of thousands of pages
from the tens of thousands of pages
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Hvad har vi lært fra disse
tusindvis af siders
tusindvis af siders
05:58
of information that we've generated
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information vi har samlet
06:01
on these lives?
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om disse liv?
06:03
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth
or fame or working harder and harder.
or fame or working harder and harder.
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Det handler ikke om rigdom,
berømmelse eller hårdt arbejde.
berømmelse eller hårdt arbejde.
06:10
The clearest message that we get
from this 75-year study is this:
from this 75-year study is this:
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Det der står lysende klart
efter 75 års undersøgelse er:
efter 75 års undersøgelse er:
06:16
Good relationships keep us
happier and healthier. Period.
happier and healthier. Period.
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Gode relationer gør os
gladere og raskere. Punktum.
gladere og raskere. Punktum.
06:23
We've learned three big lessons
about relationships.
about relationships.
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Vi har lært tre vigtige
ting om relationer.
ting om relationer.
06:26
The first is that social connections
are really good for us,
are really good for us,
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For det første, at sociale
relationer er gode for os,
relationer er gode for os,
06:30
and that loneliness kills.
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og at ensomhed dræber.
06:33
It turns out that people
who are more socially connected
who are more socially connected
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Det viser sig at folk
som er mere socialt forbundet
som er mere socialt forbundet
06:37
to family, to friends, to community,
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til familier, venner, fælleskaber,
06:40
are happier, they're physically healthier,
and they live longer
and they live longer
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er gladere, fysisk sundere
og lever længere
og lever længere
06:45
than people who are less well connected.
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end folk som har mindre gode netværk.
06:48
And the experience of loneliness
turns out to be toxic.
turns out to be toxic.
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Og oplevelsen af ensomhed
viser sig at være giftig.
viser sig at være giftig.
06:51
People who are more isolated
than they want to be from others
than they want to be from others
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De som er mere isoleret fra andre
end de egentlig ønsker
end de egentlig ønsker
06:57
find that they are less happy,
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oplever at de er mindre glade,
07:00
their health declines earlier in midlife,
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deres helbred svækkes tidligere i livet,
07:03
their brain functioning declines sooner
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hjernefunktioner nedsættes tidligere
07:05
and they live shorter lives
than people who are not lonely.
than people who are not lonely.
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og de lever kortere liv
end folk som ikke er ensomme.
end folk som ikke er ensomme.
07:10
And the sad fact
is that at any given time,
is that at any given time,
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Og det sørgelige faktum er,
at uanset tidspunktet,
at uanset tidspunktet,
07:13
more than one in five Americans
will report that they're lonely.
will report that they're lonely.
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vil flere end én ud af fem amerikanere
berette at de er ensomme.
berette at de er ensomme.
07:19
And we know that you
can be lonely in a crowd
can be lonely in a crowd
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Vi ved at man kan være
ensom i en flok
ensom i en flok
07:21
and you can be lonely in a marriage,
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og man kan være ensom i et ægteskab,
07:24
so the second big lesson that we learned
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så den anden klare
erfaring er,
erfaring er,
07:26
is that it's not just
the number of friends you have,
the number of friends you have,
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at det ikke bare handler
om antal venner,
om antal venner,
07:29
and it's not whether or not
you're in a committed relationship,
you're in a committed relationship,
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eller hvorvidt du har et fast forhold,
07:33
but it's the quality
of your close relationships that matters.
of your close relationships that matters.
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det er kvaliteten af de nære
relationer der betyder noget.
relationer der betyder noget.
07:38
It turns out that living in the midst
of conflict is really bad for our health.
of conflict is really bad for our health.
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Det viser sig, at et konfliktfyldt liv
er rigtig dårligt for helbredet.
er rigtig dårligt for helbredet.
07:43
High-conflict marriages, for example,
without much affection,
without much affection,
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Ægteskaber med mange konflikter og
uden megen kærlighed,
uden megen kærlighed,
07:47
turn out to be very bad for our health,
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
perhaps worse than getting divorced.
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viser sig at være dårlig for helbredet
og måske endda værre end skilsmisse.
og måske endda værre end skilsmisse.
07:53
And living in the midst of good,
warm relationships is protective.
warm relationships is protective.
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Og lever man i et godt og varmt
forhold, virker det beskyttende.
forhold, virker det beskyttende.
07:57
Once we had followed our men
all the way into their 80s,
all the way into their 80s,
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Da vi havde fulgt mændene
til de var i deres 80'ere,
til de var i deres 80'ere,
08:01
we wanted to look back at them at midlife
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kiggede vi tilbage på midten af livet
08:04
and to see if we could predict
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for at se om vi kunne forudse
08:05
who was going to grow
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
into a happy, healthy octogenarian
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hvem der ville blive en
lykkelig og sund firsårig
lykkelig og sund firsårig
08:09
and who wasn't.
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og hvem der ikke ville.
08:11
And when we gathered together
everything we knew about them
everything we knew about them
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Og da vi samlede alt
hvad vi vidste om dem
hvad vi vidste om dem
08:15
at age 50,
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ved en alder på 50,
08:18
it wasn't their middle age
cholesterol levels
cholesterol levels
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var det ikke midtlivets kolesteroltal
08:20
that predicted how they
were going to grow old.
were going to grow old.
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der viste hvordan de ville
blive gamle.
blive gamle.
08:23
It was how satisfied they were
in their relationships.
in their relationships.
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Det var, hvor tilfredse de var
i deres forhold.
i deres forhold.
08:27
The people who were the most satisfied
in their relationships at age 50
in their relationships at age 50
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De der var mest tilfredse med deres
forhold som 50 årige
forhold som 50 årige
08:31
were the healthiest at age 80.
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var de sundeste 80 årige.
08:35
And good, close relationships
seem to buffer us
seem to buffer us
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Gode og tætte relationer
synes at beskytte os
synes at beskytte os
08:38
from some of the slings and arrows
of getting old.
of getting old.
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mod nogle af de ulemper
der er ved at blive gammel.
der er ved at blive gammel.
08:42
Our most happily partnered men and women
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Vores gladeste samlevende mænd og kvinder
08:46
reported, in their 80s,
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meddelte, som 80 årige,
08:48
that on the days
when they had more physical pain,
when they had more physical pain,
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at på de dage hvor de
havde mere fysisk smerte,
havde mere fysisk smerte,
08:51
their mood stayed just as happy.
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var de ikke mindre glade.
08:54
But the people who were
in unhappy relationships,
in unhappy relationships,
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Men de som ikke var
i lykkelige forhold
i lykkelige forhold
08:57
on the days when they
reported more physical pain,
reported more physical pain,
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på dage hvor de havde
mere fysisk smerte
mere fysisk smerte
09:00
it was magnified by more emotional pain.
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blev smerten forstærket
af yderligere følelsesmæssig smerte.
af yderligere følelsesmæssig smerte.
09:04
And the third big lesson that we learned
about relationships and our health
about relationships and our health
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Og den tredie vigtige lektie vi lærte om
sociale relationer og helbred
sociale relationer og helbred
09:08
is that good relationships
don't just protect our bodies,
don't just protect our bodies,
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er at gode relationer,
ikke bare beskytter vores kroppe
ikke bare beskytter vores kroppe
09:12
they protect our brains.
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men også vores hjerner.
09:14
It turns out that being
in a securely attached relationship
in a securely attached relationship
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Det viser sig, at er man som 80 årig
09:19
to another person in your 80s
is protective,
is protective,
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i et trygt forhold med en anden person,
virker det beskyttende,
virker det beskyttende,
09:23
that the people who are in relationships
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og personer med livspartnere
09:25
where they really feel they can count
on the other person in times of need,
on the other person in times of need,
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de virkelig kan regne med
når det brænder på,
når det brænder på,
09:29
those people's memories
stay sharper longer.
stay sharper longer.
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har bedre og skarpere hukommelse
i længere tid.
i længere tid.
09:32
And the people in relationships
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Og dem i forhold
09:34
where they feel they really
can't count on the other one,
can't count on the other one,
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der ikke føler de kan regne med
den anden,
den anden,
09:37
those are the people who experience
earlier memory decline.
earlier memory decline.
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oplever tidligere hukommelsestab.
09:42
And those good relationships,
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
they don't have to be smooth all the time.
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Men de gode forhold behøver
ikke være lykkelige hele tiden.
ikke være lykkelige hele tiden.
09:46
Some of our octogenarian couples
could bicker with each other
could bicker with each other
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Nogle af vores 80 årige par
kunne småskændes med hinanden
kunne småskændes med hinanden
09:49
day in and day out,
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dag ud og dag ind,
09:51
but as long as they felt that they
could really count on the other
could really count on the other
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når bare de følte at de
kunne regne med den anden
kunne regne med den anden
09:54
when the going got tough,
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når det virkelig gjaldt,
09:56
those arguments didn't take a toll
on their memories.
on their memories.
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havde skænderierne ingen
indflydelse på hukommelsen.
indflydelse på hukommelsen.
10:01
So this message,
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Så budskabet,
10:04
that good, close relationships
are good for our health and well-being,
are good for our health and well-being,
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at gode, tætte forhold
er godt for vores helbred og trivsel,
er godt for vores helbred og trivsel,
10:10
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.
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det er viden, så gammel som bjergene.
10:13
Why is this so hard to get
and so easy to ignore?
and so easy to ignore?
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Hvorfor er det så svært at forstå
og så let at glemme?
og så let at glemme?
10:17
Well, we're human.
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Vi er kun mennesker.
10:19
What we'd really like is a quick fix,
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Det vi godt kan lide
er et hurtigt fix,
er et hurtigt fix,
10:21
something we can get
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noget vi kan få
10:23
that'll make our lives good
and keep them that way.
and keep them that way.
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som vil gøre vores liv godt
og sikre det forbliver sådan.
og sikre det forbliver sådan.
10:27
Relationships are messy
and they're complicated
and they're complicated
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Forhold er rodet og komplicerede
10:30
and the hard work of tending
to family and friends,
to family and friends,
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og det hårde arbejde med at
vedligeholde familieliv og venner
vedligeholde familieliv og venner
10:34
it's not sexy or glamorous.
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er hverken sexet
eller glamourøst.
eller glamourøst.
10:37
It's also lifelong. It never ends.
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Det er også livsvarigt.
Det slutter aldrig.
Det slutter aldrig.
10:40
The people in our 75-year study
who were the happiest in retirement
who were the happiest in retirement
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Deltagerne der efter 75 år
var de lykkeligste pensionister
var de lykkeligste pensionister
10:45
were the people who had actively worked
to replace workmates with new playmates.
to replace workmates with new playmates.
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var folk som aktivt havde udskiftet
kollegaer med legekammerater.
kollegaer med legekammerater.
10:51
Just like the millennials
in that recent survey,
in that recent survey,
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Lige som årgang 00'erne
i den nye undersøgelse,
i den nye undersøgelse,
10:54
many of our men when they
were starting out as young adults
were starting out as young adults
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troede også mange af de ældre mænd,
da de startede som unge voksne,
da de startede som unge voksne,
10:58
really believed that fame and wealth
and high achievement
and high achievement
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at berømmelse og rigdom
11:02
were what they needed to go after
to have a good life.
to have a good life.
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ville hjælpe i jagten på det gode liv
11:06
But over and over, over these 75 years,
our study has shown
our study has shown
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Men igen og igen, i løbet af de 75 år,
har vores undersøgelse vist
har vores undersøgelse vist
11:10
that the people who fared the best were
the people who leaned in to relationships,
the people who leaned in to relationships,
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at de der klarede sig bedst, var dem
der hengav sig til relationer,
der hengav sig til relationer,
11:16
with family, with friends, with community.
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med familien, venner og fællesskaber.
11:21
So what about you?
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1976
Så, hvad med dig?
11:23
Let's say you're 25,
or you're 40, or you're 60.
or you're 40, or you're 60.
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3760
Lad os sige du er 25,
40 eller 60 år.
40 eller 60 år.
11:27
What might leaning in
to relationships even look like?
to relationships even look like?
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Hvordan betyder det at
give sig hen til relationer?
give sig hen til relationer?
11:31
Well, the possibilities
are practically endless.
are practically endless.
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Mulighederne er praktisk
talt uendelige.
talt uendelige.
11:35
It might be something as simple
as replacing screen time with people time
as replacing screen time with people time
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Det kunne være noget så simpelt,
som at udskifte TV-tid med mennesker
som at udskifte TV-tid med mennesker
11:41
or livening up a stale relationship
by doing something new together,
by doing something new together,
195
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4456
eller genoplive et forslidt forhold
ved at lave noget nyt sammen,
ved at lave noget nyt sammen,
11:46
long walks or date nights,
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2200
lange gåture eller stævnemøder,
11:49
or reaching out to that family member
who you haven't spoken to in years,
who you haven't spoken to in years,
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eller nå ud til det familiemedlem
du ikke har talt med i årevis,
du ikke har talt med i årevis,
11:54
because those all-too-common family feuds
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3496
fordi de familierfejder vi alle
kender til
kender til
11:57
take a terrible toll
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er opslidende
12:00
on the people who hold the grudges.
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på de der bærer nag.
12:04
I'd like to close with a quote
from Mark Twain.
from Mark Twain.
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Jeg vil gerne afslutte med et
citat af Mark Twain.
citat af Mark Twain.
12:09
More than a century ago,
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Mere end et århundrede siden,
12:11
he was looking back on his life,
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2616
kiggede han tilbage på sit liv
12:14
and he wrote this:
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og skrev dette:
12:16
"There isn't time, so brief is life,
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"Der er ikke tid, så kort er livet,
12:20
for bickerings, apologies,
heartburnings, callings to account.
heartburnings, callings to account.
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til skænderier, undskyldninger
og hjertesorg at bære.
og hjertesorg at bære.
12:26
There is only time for loving,
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Der er kun tid til kærlighed,
12:29
and but an instant,
so to speak, for that."
so to speak, for that."
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og endda til det,
kun et øjeblik."
kun et øjeblik."
12:34
The good life is built
with good relationships.
with good relationships.
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Det gode liv er bygget
på gode relationer.
på gode relationer.
12:39
Thank you.
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Tak
12:40
(Applause)
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(Bifald)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Robert Waldinger - Psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen priestRobert Waldinger is the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
Why you should listen
Robert Waldinger is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and Zen priest. He is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies of adult life ever done. The Study tracked the lives of two groups of men for over 75 years, and it now follows their Baby Boomer children to understand how childhood experience reaches across decades to affect health and wellbeing in middle age. He writes about what science and Zen can teach us about healthy human development.
Dr. Waldinger is the author of numerous scientific papers as well as two books. He teaches medical students and psychiatry residents at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, and he is a Senior Dharma Teacher in Boundless Way Zen.
To keep abreast of research findings, insights and more, visit robertwaldinger.com.
Robert Waldinger | Speaker | TED.com