TEDWomen 2018
Emily Quinn: The way we think about biological sex is wrong
Filmed:
Readability: 3.7
2,206,632 views
Did you know that almost 150 million people worldwide are born intersex -- with biology that doesn't fit the standard definition of male or female? (That's as many as the population of Russia.) At age 10, Emily Quinn found out she was intersex, and in this wise, funny talk, she shares eye-opening lessons from a life spent navigating society's thoughtless expectations, doctors who demanded she get unnecessary surgery -- and advocating for herself and the incredible variety that humans come in. (Contains mature content)
Emily Quinn - Artist, activist, author
Emily Quinn describes herself as "a ballsy intersex activist who uses humor and storytelling to create a more welcoming world for people who don’t fit in a box." Full bio
Emily Quinn describes herself as "a ballsy intersex activist who uses humor and storytelling to create a more welcoming world for people who don’t fit in a box." Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
[This talk contains mature content]
0
142
2373
00:16
I have a vagina.
1
4175
1174
00:17
(Laughter)
2
5373
1270
00:18
Just thought you should know.
3
6667
1933
00:21
That might not come
as a surprise to some of you.
as a surprise to some of you.
4
9199
2476
00:23
I look like a woman.
5
11699
1753
00:26
I'm dressed like one, I guess.
6
14054
1798
00:29
The thing is, I also have balls.
7
17062
2264
00:31
And it does take a lot of nerve
8
19919
2359
00:34
to come up here and talk to you
about my genitalia.
about my genitalia.
9
22302
3561
00:37
Just a little.
10
25887
1274
00:39
But I'm not talking
about bravery or courage.
about bravery or courage.
11
27601
2929
00:42
I mean literally -- I have balls.
12
30554
2200
00:45
Right here,
13
33268
1301
00:46
right where a lot of you have ovaries.
14
34593
2008
00:49
I'm not male or female.
15
37157
1959
00:51
I'm intersex.
16
39140
1150
00:53
Most people assume that you're
biologically either a man or a woman,
biologically either a man or a woman,
17
41316
3825
00:57
but it's actually a lot more
complex than that.
complex than that.
18
45165
2827
01:01
There are so many ways
somebody could be intersex.
somebody could be intersex.
19
49395
2516
01:03
In my case, it means
I was born with XY chromosomes,
I was born with XY chromosomes,
20
51935
3047
01:07
which you probably know
as male chromosomes.
as male chromosomes.
21
55006
2196
01:09
And I was born with a vagina
and balls inside my body.
and balls inside my body.
22
57562
4376
01:14
I don't respond to testosterone,
23
62490
2294
01:16
so during puberty, I grew breasts,
24
64808
3031
01:19
but I never got acne
or body hair, body oil.
or body hair, body oil.
25
67863
4333
01:24
You can be jealous of that.
26
72220
1610
01:25
(Laughter)
27
73854
2025
01:27
But even though I don't
actually have a uterus --
actually have a uterus --
28
75903
2389
01:30
I was born without one,
29
78316
1150
01:31
so I don't menstruate,
I can't have biological children.
I can't have biological children.
30
79490
3366
01:36
We put people in boxes
based on their genitalia.
based on their genitalia.
31
84308
3038
01:39
Before a baby's even born,
we ask whether it's a boy or a girl,
we ask whether it's a boy or a girl,
32
87695
3770
01:43
as if it actually matters;
33
91489
2016
01:45
as if you're going to be less excited
about having a baby
about having a baby
34
93529
2722
01:48
if it doesn't have
the genitals you wanted;
the genitals you wanted;
35
96275
2151
01:50
as if what's between somebody's legs
tells you anything about that person.
tells you anything about that person.
36
98450
4141
01:55
Are they kind, generous, funny?
37
103212
2944
01:58
Smart?
38
106712
1326
02:00
Who do they want to be when they grow up?
39
108062
2047
02:02
Genitals don't actually tell you anything.
40
110546
2539
02:05
Yet, we define ourselves by them.
41
113109
2576
02:08
In this society, we love
putting people into boxes
putting people into boxes
42
116790
2516
02:11
and labeling each other.
43
119330
1237
02:12
It kind of gives us a sense of belonging
44
120591
2603
02:15
and teaches us how to interact
with one another.
with one another.
45
123218
3878
02:19
But there's one really big problem:
46
127479
2571
02:22
biological sex is not black or white.
47
130074
3233
02:26
It's on a spectrum.
48
134114
1266
02:28
Besides your genitalia,
you also have your chromosomes,
you also have your chromosomes,
49
136098
3490
02:31
your gonads, like ovaries or testicles.
50
139612
2595
02:34
You have your internal sex organs,
51
142231
1849
02:36
your hormone production,
your hormone response
your hormone response
52
144104
3294
02:39
and your secondary sex characteristics,
like breast development, body hair, etc.
like breast development, body hair, etc.
53
147422
4497
02:44
Those seven areas of biological sex
all have so much variation,
all have so much variation,
54
152538
5048
02:49
yet we only get two options:
55
157610
1926
02:51
male or female.
56
159560
1316
02:53
Which is kind of absurd to me,
57
161435
1690
02:55
because I can't think
of a single other human trait
of a single other human trait
58
163149
2706
02:57
that there's only two options for:
59
165879
2238
03:00
skin color, hair, height, eyes.
60
168141
3293
03:03
You can either have nose A or nose B,
that's it, no other options.
that's it, no other options.
61
171866
4181
03:08
If there are infinite ways
for our bodies to look,
for our bodies to look,
62
176866
3151
03:12
our minds to think,
63
180041
1651
03:13
personalities to act,
64
181716
1889
03:15
wouldn't it make sense
that there's that much variety
that there's that much variety
65
183629
2492
03:18
in biological sex, too?
66
186145
1533
03:22
Did you know that besides
XX or XY chromosomes,
XX or XY chromosomes,
67
190141
3952
03:26
you could have XX and XY chromosomes?
68
194117
3682
03:29
Or you could have an extra X -- XXY.
69
197823
2461
03:32
Or two extra -- XXXY.
70
200308
2086
03:34
Goes on from there.
71
202854
1208
03:36
And for those "normal"
people with XX or XY,
people with XX or XY,
72
204086
2687
03:38
what does that mean?
73
206797
1153
03:40
I have XY chromosomes.
74
208450
1627
03:42
If my DNA is found
at the scene of a crime --
at the scene of a crime --
75
210101
3354
03:45
not saying it will,
but, you know, we'll see.
but, you know, we'll see.
76
213479
2509
03:48
(Laughter)
77
216012
1760
03:49
If my skeleton is discovered
thousands of years from now,
thousands of years from now,
78
217796
4090
03:53
I'll be labeled male.
79
221910
1400
03:56
Is that the truth?
80
224125
1200
03:57
My balls would say so.
81
225990
1467
04:00
But what about the rest of me?
82
228093
1778
04:02
And what if a woman has ovarian cancer
and has to have her ovaries removed?
and has to have her ovaries removed?
83
230617
4309
04:06
Does she still qualify as a woman?
84
234950
2011
04:09
What about other intersex people
who are born without balls or ovaries
who are born without balls or ovaries
85
237609
3476
04:13
or with just one
or a combination of the two?
or a combination of the two?
86
241109
2792
04:16
Where do they go?
87
244379
1150
04:18
Do you have to have a uterus
to be a woman?
to be a woman?
88
246647
2063
04:20
There's a lot of us
who are born without one.
who are born without one.
89
248734
2140
04:23
And everyone's favorite part, genitalia:
90
251726
2920
04:26
you either have one or the other, right?
91
254670
1947
04:28
You either have a six-inch-long penis
that's exactly this thick,
that's exactly this thick,
92
256641
3111
04:31
jutting straight out of the body
at a 90-degree angle,
at a 90-degree angle,
93
259776
2635
04:34
or you have a vagina
that's this wide internally
that's this wide internally
94
262435
2333
04:36
and a clitoris that's half an inch
above the vaginal opening
above the vaginal opening
95
264792
2865
04:39
and labia that look exactly
like they're supposed to look like,
like they're supposed to look like,
96
267681
2960
04:42
according to that one porn video
you watched that one time.
you watched that one time.
97
270665
2841
04:45
You know the one.
98
273530
1169
04:46
If you've been with more than one
sexual partner in your lifetime,
sexual partner in your lifetime,
99
274723
3354
04:50
and you line them up, one by one,
100
278101
1937
04:52
I guarantee you can identify them
just by their genitalia.
just by their genitalia.
101
280062
3485
04:55
(Laughter)
102
283571
1179
04:56
Think about it.
103
284774
1413
04:58
Go on.
104
286211
1152
04:59
(Laughter)
105
287387
1366
05:00
I see you.
106
288777
1150
05:02
No judging.
107
290253
1150
05:04
Just notice.
108
292253
1372
05:05
All different, right?
109
293649
1400
05:08
The sex and gender binary
are both so ingrained in our society,
are both so ingrained in our society,
110
296633
4166
05:12
that we never stop to think about it.
111
300823
2048
05:14
We just automatically place each other
into one box or the other,
into one box or the other,
112
302895
3619
05:18
as if it actually matters.
113
306538
2874
05:21
Until somebody comes along
to make you question it.
to make you question it.
114
309436
3325
05:25
And if you're thinking that
I'm the exception, an anomaly, an outlier:
I'm the exception, an anomaly, an outlier:
115
313841
5679
05:31
intersex people represent
around two percent of the population.
around two percent of the population.
116
319544
4221
05:36
That's the same percentage
as genetic redheads.
as genetic redheads.
117
324673
3335
05:40
It's about 150 million people, roughly,
118
328649
4119
05:44
which is more than
the entire population of Russia.
the entire population of Russia.
119
332792
2662
05:48
So there's a lot of us, needless to say.
120
336474
3502
05:52
We're not new or rare.
121
340558
1698
05:54
We're just invisible.
122
342984
1319
05:57
We've existed throughout
every culture in history.
every culture in history.
123
345587
3484
06:01
Yet, we never talk about it.
124
349373
2106
06:04
In fact, a lot of people might not know
that they're intersex.
that they're intersex.
125
352437
3031
06:07
Have you had a karyotype test
to determine your chromosomes?
to determine your chromosomes?
126
355831
3365
06:12
What about a full blood panel
for all of your hormone levels?
for all of your hormone levels?
127
360632
3127
06:16
A friend of mine found out
last year, in his 50s.
last year, in his 50s.
128
364428
3119
06:20
The executive director of interACT,
129
368254
1674
06:21
which is the leading organization
for intersex human rights here in the US,
for intersex human rights here in the US,
130
369952
4530
06:26
she found out she was intersex at age 41.
131
374506
2733
06:30
Her doctors found out when she was 15,
132
378188
3310
06:33
but they didn't tell her.
133
381522
1667
06:35
They lied and said that she had cancer,
134
383855
3301
06:39
because that seemed like an easier option
135
387180
1992
06:41
than finding out
she wasn't "fully" a woman.
she wasn't "fully" a woman.
136
389196
2704
06:45
This kind of thing happens a lot,
137
393006
1587
06:46
where intersex people are lied to
or kept in the dark about our bodies,
or kept in the dark about our bodies,
138
394617
4570
06:51
which comes as a surprise
to a lot of people.
to a lot of people.
139
399211
2131
06:53
But we live in a society that doesn't talk
about sex or bodies at all,
about sex or bodies at all,
140
401366
4432
06:57
unless it's to mock or shame each other.
141
405822
2423
07:01
I found out I was intersex at age 10,
142
409539
2293
07:03
and for the most part,
I was fine with that information.
I was fine with that information.
143
411856
3818
07:08
It didn't really faze me;
144
416055
1245
07:09
I was still developing
my understanding of the world.
my understanding of the world.
145
417324
3156
07:13
It wasn't until I got older
146
421186
2230
07:15
and realized I didn't fit
society's expectations of me,
society's expectations of me,
147
423440
3984
07:19
that I didn't belong, that I was abnormal.
148
427448
3070
07:22
And that's when the shame started.
149
430542
1975
07:25
How many times have you seen kids
play with the "wrong" toys
play with the "wrong" toys
150
433522
2850
07:28
for their gender?
151
436396
1159
07:29
Or try on the "wrong" clothes?
152
437579
1522
07:31
All the time, right?
153
439634
1200
07:33
Kids don't have these ideas
about gender norm,
about gender norm,
154
441269
3037
07:36
they don't have shame
about who they're supposed to be
about who they're supposed to be
155
444330
3166
07:39
or what they're supposed to like or love.
156
447520
2525
07:43
They don't care about any of this stuff.
157
451671
2462
07:46
They don't have shame
until we put it on them.
until we put it on them.
158
454157
2777
07:50
I also had doctors lie to me.
159
458626
2055
07:52
At age 10, they told me
that I would also get cancer
that I would also get cancer
160
460705
4666
07:57
unless I removed my balls.
161
465395
1619
07:59
Then they proceeded
to tell me that every year.
to tell me that every year.
162
467911
2618
08:02
Until today, there are still doctors
who want me to remove them.
who want me to remove them.
163
470942
3313
08:06
But there's literally no reason.
164
474831
2134
08:09
If a typical XY male,
like yourself, has testicles,
like yourself, has testicles,
165
477847
4810
08:14
and one is undescended,
166
482681
1984
08:16
there's a high chance of it
becoming cancerous --
becoming cancerous --
167
484689
2468
08:19
or a higher chance
of it becoming cancerous.
of it becoming cancerous.
168
487181
2682
08:21
They need to thermoregulated.
169
489887
1411
08:23
So they drop down
away from the body to cool off,
away from the body to cool off,
170
491322
3390
08:26
or they shrink back up to get warm.
171
494736
2563
08:29
Mine don't need to do that.
172
497839
1310
08:31
They're not responding to testosterone,
they're not producing sperm.
they're not producing sperm.
173
499173
4206
08:35
They're fine right here inside my body.
174
503403
2349
08:38
Yet, because there's such a lack
of information about intersex people,
of information about intersex people,
175
506355
3873
08:42
my doctors never understood
the difference.
the difference.
176
510252
2095
08:44
They never really understood my body.
177
512371
1993
08:47
As I got older,
178
515466
1167
08:48
I had another doctor tell me that
I needed to have surgery on my vagina.
I needed to have surgery on my vagina.
179
516657
3687
08:52
She said that until I had an operation,
until she operated,
until she operated,
180
520909
3764
08:56
I would not be able to have
"normal sex" with my husband one day.
"normal sex" with my husband one day.
181
524697
5491
09:02
Her words.
182
530212
1150
09:05
I didn't end up going through
with the operation,
with the operation,
183
533212
2365
09:07
and I'm incredibly grateful for that.
184
535601
2201
09:11
I'm not here to talk about my sex life.
185
539855
2050
09:13
(Laughter)
186
541929
1180
09:15
But let's just say it's fine.
187
543133
3103
09:18
(Laughter)
188
546260
1365
09:20
I'm fine, my body is fine.
189
548622
2162
09:22
You actually wouldn’t be able
to tell the difference
to tell the difference
190
550808
2476
09:25
between me and another person
unless I told you;
unless I told you;
191
553308
3117
09:28
you wouldn't be able to tell
that I was intersex unless I told you.
that I was intersex unless I told you.
192
556449
3329
09:32
But again, because of the lack
of understanding about bodies,
of understanding about bodies,
193
560223
3484
09:35
my doctor didn't understand
the difference.
the difference.
194
563731
2103
09:38
And for the most part,
my sex life is fine.
my sex life is fine.
195
566723
2733
09:41
The only issue that really comes up
196
569990
1809
09:43
is that sometimes, sexual situations
bring up memories of doctors touching me,
bring up memories of doctors touching me,
197
571823
5603
09:49
over and over again since I was 10.
198
577450
2516
09:53
I've been really lucky to escape --
199
581435
3428
09:56
I didn't think I would get emotional --
200
584887
2635
09:59
I've been really lucky to escape
the physical harm
the physical harm
201
587546
4142
10:03
that comes from these
unnecessary surgeries.
unnecessary surgeries.
202
591712
2698
10:07
But no intersex person is free
from the emotional harm
from the emotional harm
203
595792
3769
10:11
that comes from living in a society
that tries to cover up your existence.
that tries to cover up your existence.
204
599585
4497
10:17
Most of my intersex friends
have had operations like these.
have had operations like these.
205
605752
3437
10:21
Oftentimes, they will remove
testes like mine,
testes like mine,
206
609669
3298
10:24
even though my risk of testicular cancer
is lower than the risk of breast cancer
is lower than the risk of breast cancer
207
612991
6031
10:31
in a typical woman with
no predisposition, no family history.
no predisposition, no family history.
208
619046
5115
10:36
But we don't tell her
to remove her breasts, do we?
to remove her breasts, do we?
209
624538
3226
10:42
It's rare to meet an intersex person
that hasn't been operated on.
that hasn't been operated on.
210
630149
3388
10:48
Oftentimes, these surgeries are done
to improve intersex kids' lives,
to improve intersex kids' lives,
211
636385
5091
10:53
but they usually end up
doing the opposite,
doing the opposite,
212
641500
2260
10:55
causing more harm and complications,
213
643784
3961
10:59
both physical and emotional.
214
647769
1772
11:04
I'm not saying that
doctors are bad or evil.
doctors are bad or evil.
215
652689
3226
11:07
It's just that we live in a society
that causes some doctors to "fix"
that causes some doctors to "fix"
216
655939
4739
11:12
those of us who don't fit
their definition of normal.
their definition of normal.
217
660702
3074
11:17
We're not problems that need to be fixed.
218
665546
3071
11:21
We just live in a society
that needs to be enlightened.
that needs to be enlightened.
219
669125
4042
11:26
One of the ways I'm doing that
220
674329
1490
11:27
is by creating a genderless
puberty guidebook
puberty guidebook
221
675843
3351
11:31
that can teach kids
about their bodies as they grow up.
about their bodies as they grow up.
222
679218
3261
11:34
Not their girl bodies
or their boy bodies --
or their boy bodies --
223
682503
2311
11:36
just their bodies.
224
684838
1623
11:38
We often place unrealistic expectations
on the things that our bodies do
on the things that our bodies do
225
686950
3699
11:42
that are outside of our control.
226
690673
1738
11:44
I mean, if one man can grow
a full, luxurious, hipster beard,
a full, luxurious, hipster beard,
227
692982
3468
11:48
and the other can only grow
a few mustache hairs,
a few mustache hairs,
228
696474
3587
11:52
what does that mean
about who they are as men?
about who they are as men?
229
700085
2201
11:55
Nothing.
230
703442
1150
11:57
It literally, most likely, just means
231
705030
1810
11:58
that their hair follicles
respond to testosterone in different ways.
respond to testosterone in different ways.
232
706864
3354
12:03
Yet, how many times have you heard
a man ashamed about something like this?
a man ashamed about something like this?
233
711212
3861
12:10
Imagine a world where
we could live in a society
we could live in a society
234
718519
3102
12:13
that teaches us not to have shame
235
721645
3307
12:16
about the things
that our bodies do or do not do.
that our bodies do or do not do.
236
724976
3333
12:23
I want to change the way that we think
about biological sex in this society --
about biological sex in this society --
237
731776
4888
12:29
which is a lot to ask for.
238
737458
1734
12:31
You could say it's ballsy, I guess.
239
739935
1865
12:33
(Laughter)
240
741824
2248
12:36
But eventually we accepted
the world as round, right?
the world as round, right?
241
744987
3332
12:40
We no longer diagnose gay people
with mental disorders
with mental disorders
242
748795
3103
12:43
or women with hysteria.
243
751922
1746
12:46
We don't think epilepsy is caused
by the devil anymore, so that's cool.
by the devil anymore, so that's cool.
244
754629
4483
12:51
(Laughter)
245
759136
1175
12:52
We constantly change and evolve,
the more we understand as a society.
the more we understand as a society.
246
760335
3925
12:57
And biological sex is on a spectrum.
247
765223
2113
12:59
It's not black or white.
248
767360
1324
13:01
Not only could that knowledge
save intersex kids
save intersex kids
249
769430
2588
13:04
from physical and emotional harm,
250
772042
2117
13:06
I think it would help everyone else, too.
251
774183
2261
13:09
Who here has ever felt
inadequate or ashamed
inadequate or ashamed
252
777532
3627
13:13
because you weren't girly enough,
you were too girly,
you were too girly,
253
781183
3616
13:16
you weren't manly enough, or too manly?
254
784823
2534
13:19
We constantly shame people
for not fitting into a box,
for not fitting into a box,
255
787998
3062
13:23
but the reality is,
256
791084
1200
13:24
I think we shame others
because it prevents them from seeing
because it prevents them from seeing
257
792308
3975
13:28
that we don't fit
inside our boxes, either.
inside our boxes, either.
258
796307
2587
13:31
And the truth is that
nobody actually fits in a box,
nobody actually fits in a box,
259
799689
3999
13:35
because they don't exist.
260
803712
1666
13:37
This binary, this false male-female facade
is something we constructed,
is something we constructed,
261
805966
5540
13:43
we built ourselves.
262
811530
1249
13:44
But it doesn't have to exist.
263
812803
2084
13:48
We can break it down.
264
816514
1841
13:50
And that's what I want to do.
265
818379
2800
13:54
Will you join me?
266
822282
1150
13:57
Thanks.
267
825129
1151
13:58
(Applause)
268
826304
4722
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Emily Quinn - Artist, activist, authorEmily Quinn describes herself as "a ballsy intersex activist who uses humor and storytelling to create a more welcoming world for people who don’t fit in a box."
Why you should listen
At age 10, Emily Quinn learned she was intersex. As she writes: "Doctors said not to tell anyone, poking and prodding at me like I was a science experiment. It was lonely, shameful, and I had nowhere to turn. I needed someone to tell me that it would be OK, but no one was there.
"Fourteen years later, I discovered an intersex support group, meeting hundreds of intersex people who endured trauma like mine. I knew it had to stop. I was working at Cartoon Network and decided to help create the first intersex main character on television: Lauren on MTV's 'Faking It.' I publicly came out as intersex alongside her debut, and suddenly I was bombarded with interviews, appearing in content across the web. The impact was so great that I quit my job, created a YouTube channel, began speaking globally about intersex experiences, and am now writing a YA novel. In ways I could have never imagined, I became the person I needed as a kid -- showing myself that one day it would be OK."
Emily Quinn | Speaker | TED.com