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Nikki Webber Allen: Don't suffer from your depression in silence
Nikki Webber Allen: Jangan menyiksa diri dengan diam akan depresimu
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Memiliki perasaan bukanlah tanda kelemahan -- mereka menunjukkan kita manusia, kata produser dan aktivis Nikki Webber Allen. Bahkan setelah didagnosa gangguan kecemasan dan depresi, Webben Allen merasa malu untuk memberi tahu orang lain, merahasiakan kondisinya hingga sebuah tragedi pada keluarganya menunjukkan bahwa seseorang yang dekat dengannya juga tersiksa. Dalam pembicaraan penting tentang kesehatan mental ini, dia berbicara tentang perjuangannya -- dan bagaimana masyarakat harus mengubah stigma yang melihat depresi sebagai kelemahan dan menjauhkan penderita dari mendapatkan pertolongan.
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producer
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
What are you doing on this stage
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Apa yang kamu lakukan di panggung ini
00:17
in front of all these people?
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di depan orang-orang ini?
00:20
(Laughter)
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(tertawa)
00:21
Run!
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Lari!
00:23
(Laughter)
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(tertawa)
00:24
Run now.
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Lari sekarang.
00:26
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.
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Itu adalah perasaan kegelisahan saya
yang bicara.
yang bicara.
00:30
Even when there's absolutely
nothing wrong,
nothing wrong,
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Bahkan, saat tidak ada yang salah,
00:33
I sometimes get
this overwhelming sense of doom,
this overwhelming sense of doom,
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saya kadang merasa ketakutan
yang berlebihan
yang berlebihan
00:37
like danger is lurking
just around the corner.
just around the corner.
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seperti bahaya mengintai
dari pojok.
dari pojok.
00:41
You see, a few years ago,
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Beberapa tahun yang lalu,
00:43
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety
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saya didiagnosa
terkena gangguan kecemasan
terkena gangguan kecemasan
00:45
and depression --
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dan depresi --
00:47
two conditions that often go hand in hand.
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dua kondisi yang sering datang bersamaan.
00:50
Now, there was a time
I wouldn't have told anybody,
I wouldn't have told anybody,
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Ada masanya saya tidak mau
memberi tahu siapa pun,
memberi tahu siapa pun,
00:54
especially not in front of a big audience.
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terutama tidak di depan banyak orang.
00:56
As a black woman,
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Sebagai wanita kulit hitam,
00:58
I've had to develop
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
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saya harus membentuk
ketahanan luar biasa untuk sukses.
ketahanan luar biasa untuk sukses.
01:02
And like most people in my community,
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Seperti orang-orang
di komunitas saya,
di komunitas saya,
01:04
I had the misconception that depression
was a sign of weakness,
was a sign of weakness,
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saya punya gambaran yang salah
bahwa depresi itu tanda lemah,
bahwa depresi itu tanda lemah,
01:07
a character flaw.
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kelemahan karakter.
01:09
But I wasn't weak;
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Tapi saya tidak lemah;
01:11
I was a high achiever.
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saya berprestasi tinggi
01:12
I'd earned a Master's degree
in Media Studies
in Media Studies
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Saya meraih gelar master di
Ilmu Media
Ilmu Media
01:15
and had a string of high-profile jobs
in the film and television industries.
in the film and television industries.
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dan punya pengalaman pekerjaan penting
di industri film dan televisi.
di industri film dan televisi.
01:19
I'd even won two Emmy Awards
for my hard work.
for my hard work.
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saya bahkan
memenangkan 2 Penghargaan Emmy.
memenangkan 2 Penghargaan Emmy.
01:23
Sure, I was totally spent,
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tentu, energi saya benar-benar habis,
01:26
I lacked interest in things
I used to enjoy,
I used to enjoy,
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saya tidak tertarik di bidang
yang dulu saya nikmati,
yang dulu saya nikmati,
01:29
barely ate,
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jarang makan,
01:30
struggled with insomnia
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melawan insomnia
01:32
and felt isolated and depleted.
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dan merasa terisolasi serta energi
terkuras.
terkuras.
01:35
But depressed?
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Tapi, depresi?
01:36
No, not me.
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tidak, bukan saya.
01:39
It took weeks before I could admit it,
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Butuh beberapa minggu
untuk saya mengakuinya,
untuk saya mengakuinya,
01:42
but the doctor was right:
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tapi dokter benar;
01:43
I was depressed.
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saya depresi.
01:45
Still, I didn't tell anybody
about my diagnosis.
about my diagnosis.
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Tetap saja, saya tidak beritahu
siapa pun tentang diagnosa saya.
siapa pun tentang diagnosa saya.
01:49
I was too ashamed.
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Saya terlalu malu.
01:51
I didn't think I had the right
to be depressed.
to be depressed.
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Saya pikir saya tidak berhak
untuk depresi.
untuk depresi.
01:54
I had a privileged life
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Saya punya kehidupan menyenangkan
01:56
with a loving family
and a successful career.
and a successful career.
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dengan keluarga bahagia
dan karier sukses.
dan karier sukses.
01:59
And when I thought about
the unspeakable horrors
the unspeakable horrors
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Saat saya berpikir tentang
ketakutan
ketakutan
02:02
that my ancestors
had been through in this country
had been through in this country
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yang harus dilalui pendahulu saya
di negara ini
di negara ini
02:04
so that I could have it better,
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agar saya bisa hidup lebih baik,
02:06
my shame grew even deeper.
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saya makin merasa malu.
02:08
I was standing on their shoulders.
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Saya berdiri pada pundak mereka.
02:11
How could I let them down?
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Tidak mungkin mengecewakan mereka
02:13
I would hold my head up,
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Saya akan angkat kepala saya,
02:15
put a smile on my face
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tersenyum,
02:17
and never tell a soul.
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dan tidak memberi tahu siapa pun
02:22
On July 4, 2013,
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Pada 4 Juli 2013,
02:26
my world came crashing in on me.
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dunia saya mulai hancur.
02:29
That was the day I got
a phone call from my mom
a phone call from my mom
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Hari itu adalah hari saya
mendapat telepon dari ibu saya
mendapat telepon dari ibu saya
02:32
telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,
Paul, had ended his life,
Paul, had ended his life,
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memberi tahu bahwa keponakan saya yang
berusia 22 tahun, Paul, bunuh diri,
berusia 22 tahun, Paul, bunuh diri,
02:36
after years of battling
depression and anxiety.
depression and anxiety.
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setelah bertahun-tahun melawan
depresi dan kecemasan.
depresi dan kecemasan.
02:40
There are no words that can describe
the devastation I felt.
the devastation I felt.
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Tidak ada kata yang bisa menggambarkan
perasaan hancur saya.
perasaan hancur saya.
02:44
Paul and I were very close,
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Paul dan saya sangat dekat,
02:45
but I had no idea he was in so much pain.
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tapi saya tidak pernah tahu dia tersiksa.
02:48
Neither one of us had ever talked
to the other about our struggles.
to the other about our struggles.
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Kami tidak pernah membicarakan
pergulatan kami satu sama lain.
pergulatan kami satu sama lain.
02:52
The shame and stigma kept us both silent.
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Rasa malu dan stigma yang membuat
kami diam.
kami diam.
02:56
Now, my way of dealing with adversity
is to face it head on,
is to face it head on,
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Cara saya menghadapi kesulitan
adalah dengan melawannya,
adalah dengan melawannya,
03:00
so I spent the next two years
researching depression and anxiety,
researching depression and anxiety,
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saya menghabiskan 2 tahun
meneliti tentang depresi dan kecemasan,
meneliti tentang depresi dan kecemasan,
03:03
and what I found was mind-blowing.
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dan yang saya temukan
sangat luar biasa.
sangat luar biasa.
03:06
The World Health Organization reports
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WHO menyebutkan
03:08
that depression is the leading cause
of sickness and disability
of sickness and disability
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bahwa depresi adalah penyebab utama
penyakit dan disabilitas
penyakit dan disabilitas
03:14
in the world.
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di dunia.
03:16
While the exact cause
of depression isn't clear,
of depression isn't clear,
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Meskipun penyebab pasti depresi
tidak jelas,
tidak jelas,
03:19
research suggests
that most mental disorders develop,
that most mental disorders develop,
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tapi penelitian mengatakan kebanyakan
penyakit mental berkembang
penyakit mental berkembang
03:22
at least in part,
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setidaknya sebagian,
03:23
because of a chemical
imbalance in the brain,
imbalance in the brain,
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karena ketidakseimbangan bahan kimia
di dalam otak.
di dalam otak.
03:26
and/or an underlying
genetic predisposition.
genetic predisposition.
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dan/atau predisposisi genetik tersembunyi.
03:31
So you can't just shake it off.
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Jadi tidak bisa hilang begitu saja.
03:34
For black Americans,
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Untuk warga Amerika kulit hitam,
03:36
stressors like racism
and socioeconomic disparities
and socioeconomic disparities
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Tekanan seperti rasisme dan
kesenjangan sosial ekonomi
kesenjangan sosial ekonomi
03:40
put them at a 20 percent greater risk
of developing a mental disorder,
of developing a mental disorder,
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membuat mereka berisiko 20% lebih besar
memiliki gangguan jiwa,
memiliki gangguan jiwa,
03:45
yet they seek mental health services
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tapi yang mencari pelayanan
kesehatan mental
kesehatan mental
03:48
at about half the rate of white Americans.
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hanya sekitar setengah dari
warga Amerika kulit putih.
warga Amerika kulit putih.
03:51
One reason is the stigma,
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Salah satu alasan adalah karena stigma,
03:54
with 63 percent of black Americans
mistaking depression for a weakness.
mistaking depression for a weakness.
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dengan 63 warga Amerika kulit hitam
menganggap depresi sebagai kelemahan.
menganggap depresi sebagai kelemahan.
04:01
Sadly, the suicide rate
among black children
among black children
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Sedihnya, tingkat bunuh diri di antara
anak-anak kulit hitam
anak-anak kulit hitam
04:05
has doubled in the past 20 years.
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meningkat dua kali lipat dalam 20 tahun
terakhir.
terakhir.
04:09
Now, here's the good news:
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Sekarang, kabar baiknya:
04:12
seventy percent of people
struggling with depression will improve
struggling with depression will improve
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70% dari orang-orang yang berjuang
melawan depresi akan membaik
melawan depresi akan membaik
04:16
with therapy, treatment and medication.
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dengan terapi, perawatan, dan pengobatan.
04:21
Armed with this information,
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Dilengkapi dengan informasi ini,
04:23
I made a decision:
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saya membuat keputusan:
04:24
I wasn't going to be silent anymore.
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saya tidak akan tinggal diam lagi.
04:28
With my family's blessing,
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Dengan restu keluarga saya,
04:30
I would share our story
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saya ingin berbagi cerita kami
04:32
in hopes of sparking
a national conversation.
a national conversation.
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dengan harapan memicu
pembicaraan nasional.
pembicaraan nasional.
04:36
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,
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Seorang teman, Kelly Pierre-Louise,
berkata,
berkata,
04:38
"Being strong is killing us."
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"Menjadi kuat itu membunuh kita."
04:42
She's right.
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Dia benar.
04:44
We have got to retire
those tired, old narratives
those tired, old narratives
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Kita harus menghilangkan anggapan
tua dan melelahkan tentang
tua dan melelahkan tentang
04:48
of the strong black woman
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wanita kulit hitam yang kuat
04:49
and the super-masculine black man,
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dan pria kulit hitam yang super maskulin
04:52
who, no matter how many times
they get knocked down,
they get knocked down,
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yang, tak peduli berapa kali mereka jatuh,
04:54
just shake it off and soldier on.
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selalu mengacuhkannya dan maju terus.
04:57
Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.
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Memiliki perasaan bukan tanda kelemahan.
05:02
Feelings mean we're human.
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Perasaan menandakan
kita adalah manusia.
kita adalah manusia.
05:04
And when we deny our humanity,
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Dan saat kita menyangkal kemanusiaan kita,
05:06
it leaves us feeling empty inside,
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itu membuat kita merasa kosong di dalam,
05:09
searching for ways to self-medicate
in order to fill the void.
in order to fill the void.
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mencari cara mengobati diri sendiri
demi mengisi kekosongan.
demi mengisi kekosongan.
05:12
My drug was high achievement.
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Obat saya adalah prestasi tinggi.
05:16
These days, I share my story openly,
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Hari ini, saya terbuka berbagi
cerita saya,
cerita saya,
05:19
and I ask others to share theirs, too.
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dan meminta yang lain untuk
berbagi cerita juga
berbagi cerita juga
05:22
I believe that's what it takes
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Saya percaya, itulah caranya
05:23
to help people who may
be suffering in silence
be suffering in silence
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untuk menolong orang yang
diam-diam tersiksa
diam-diam tersiksa
05:26
to know that they are not alone
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agar mereka tahu mereka tidak sendiri
05:28
and to know that with help,
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dan dengan pertolongan,
05:30
they can heal.
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mereka bisa sembuh.
05:31
Now, I still have my struggles,
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Saya masih terus berjuang,
05:33
particularly with the anxiety,
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terutama melawan kecemasan,
05:36
but I'm able to manage it
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tapi saya bisa mengaturnya
05:37
through daily mediation,
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
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lewat mediasi harian, yoga, dan
pola makan yang cukup sehat.
pola makan yang cukup sehat.
05:42
(Laughter)
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(tertawa)
05:43
If I feel like things
are starting to spiral,
are starting to spiral,
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Jika saya mulai merasa kacau,
05:46
I make an appointment to see my therapist,
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saya bertemu
dengan terapis saya,
dengan terapis saya,
05:48
a dynamic black woman
named Dawn Armstrong,
named Dawn Armstrong,
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seorang wanita kulit hitam dinamis,
bernama Dawn Armstrong,
bernama Dawn Armstrong,
05:51
who has a great sense of humor
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yang memiliki jiwa humor yang tinggi
05:53
and a familiarity that I find comforting.
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dan keakraban yang menenangkan bagi saya.
05:57
I will always regret
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Saya selalu menyesal
05:59
that I couldn't be there for my nephew.
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saya tidak bisa ada untuk keponakan saya.
06:02
But my sincerest hope
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Tapi harapan tulus saya
06:04
is that I can inspire others
with the lesson that I've learned.
with the lesson that I've learned.
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saya bisa menginspirasi orang lain
dengan yang saya pelajari.
dengan yang saya pelajari.
06:11
Life is beautiful.
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Hidup itu indah.
06:14
Sometimes it's messy,
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Kadang berantakan,
06:16
and it's always unpredictable.
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dan selalu tidak bisa ditebak.
06:19
But it will all be OK
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Tapi semua akan baik
06:20
when you have your support system
to help you through it.
to help you through it.
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saat Anda memiliki sistem pendukung
untuk melaluinya.
untuk melaluinya.
06:23
I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,
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Saya harap jika beban Anda menjadi
terlalu berat,
terlalu berat,
06:25
you'll ask for a hand, too.
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Anda akan meminta bantuan juga.
06:27
Thank you.
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Terima kasih.
06:28
(Applause)
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(tepuk tangan)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producerNikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color.
Why you should listen
Nikki Webber Allen is a two-time Emmy winner with 20 years of experience producing content for media outlets including Warner Bros., HBO, ABC, 20th Century Fox and BET.
In 2013, while working as the vice president of casting and talent relations for the cable network TV One, Webber Allen lost her 22-year old nephew, Paul, to suicide after his years of struggle with depression and anxiety. Since then, she's become a passionate mental health advocate.
In Paul's honor, she launched the nonprofit I LIVE FOR... FOUNDATION, INC. to create a safe space for honest, unapologetic conversations about mental health in communities of color, where the cultural stigma of mental illness discourages far too many people from seeking help. Michael Eric Dyson, advisor to the foundation, has called I LIVE FOR… "an incredibly important organization that offers much-needed support to those who too often suffer in silence."
Webber Allen is currently producing and directing a documentary film featuring a diverse group of compelling young men and women who reject the stigma of mental illness and share candid stories about their experiences living with depression and anxiety. The film is being scored by her husband, musician Jeffrey Allen of the Grammy-nominated R&B band Mint Condition.
In 2016, Webber Allen was one of only 47 people chosen out of more than 1,000 applicants worldwide to receive a coveted scholarship to Marie Forleo's B-School for social entrepreneurs. She has an M.A. in media studies from The New School University in New York, NY and a B.A. in communications from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ.
Nikki Webber Allen | Speaker | TED.com