TED Residency
Nikki Webber Allen: Don't suffer from your depression in silence
妮基·韦伯·艾伦: 不要在沉默中忍受抑郁症的折磨
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感情丰富并不是软弱的表现——那意味着我们还有人性。制作人和活动家妮基·韦伯·艾伦这样认为。在被诊断患有焦虑症和抑郁症之后，韦伯·艾伦羞于告诉任何人，隐瞒了自己的病情，只到一件家庭悲剧发生，她才得知自己的一位近亲也在忍受同样的痛苦。在这场关于心理健康的演讲中，她公开分享了自己遭受的痛苦，解释了为什么有色人群必须摈弃对于抑郁症的错误解读，停止因为羞愧而不去寻求帮助的错误做法。
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producer
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Nikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
你站在这个舞台上做什么？
00:12
What are you doing on this stage
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还当着这么多人的面？
00:17
in front of all these people?
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00:20
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
00:21
Run!
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快逃！
00:23
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
马上逃跑！
00:24
Run now.
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00:26
That's the voice of my anxiety talking.
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这是我内心的紧张情绪在说话。
即便一切都进行得很顺利，
00:30
Even when there's absolutely
nothing wrong,
nothing wrong,
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00:33
I sometimes get
this overwhelming sense of doom,
this overwhelming sense of doom,
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我也经常会有这种巨大的挫败感，
00:37
like danger is lurking
just around the corner.
just around the corner.
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总觉得危险无处不在。
00:41
You see, a few years ago,
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几年前，
00:43
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety
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我被诊断出患有焦虑症，
00:45
and depression --
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和抑郁症——
这两种疾病经常会同时发生。
00:47
two conditions that often go hand in hand.
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这段经历我本不愿跟任何人分享，
00:50
Now, there was a time
I wouldn't have told anybody,
I wouldn't have told anybody,
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00:54
especially not in front of a big audience.
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尤其是当着这么多人的面。
作为一名黑人女性，
00:56
As a black woman,
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我必须有极强的
适应能力才能取得成功。
适应能力才能取得成功。
00:58
I've had to develop
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
extraordinary resilience to succeed.
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如同我社区中的大部分人一样，
01:02
And like most people in my community,
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我误以为抑郁症是软弱的表现，
01:04
I had the misconception that depression
was a sign of weakness,
was a sign of weakness,
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是一种人格缺陷。
01:07
a character flaw.
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但我并不软弱，
01:09
But I wasn't weak;
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我还蛮成功的。
01:11
I was a high achiever.
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我获得了媒体研究的硕士学位，
01:12
I'd earned a Master's degree
in Media Studies
in Media Studies
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在电影和电视行业
有一系列不错的履历。
有一系列不错的履历。
01:15
and had a string of high-profile jobs
in the film and television industries.
in the film and television industries.
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01:19
I'd even won two Emmy Awards
for my hard work.
for my hard work.
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我的出色表现
还让我获得了两次艾美奖。
还让我获得了两次艾美奖。
01:23
Sure, I was totally spent,
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没错，我感到精疲力尽，
01:26
I lacked interest in things
I used to enjoy,
I used to enjoy,
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我对之前喜欢的事情丧失了兴趣，
茶饭不思，
01:29
barely ate,
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01:30
struggled with insomnia
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被失眠所困扰，
01:32
and felt isolated and depleted.
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觉得孤单和消沉。
但是抑郁症？
01:35
But depressed?
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01:36
No, not me.
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跟我没什么关系吧。
01:39
It took weeks before I could admit it,
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过了好几周我才承认，
医生是对的，
01:42
but the doctor was right:
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我的确抑郁了。
01:43
I was depressed.
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01:45
Still, I didn't tell anybody
about my diagnosis.
about my diagnosis.
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但我仍然没有告诉任何人。
我觉得羞愧难当。
01:49
I was too ashamed.
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我从没想过我也有抑郁的权利。
01:51
I didn't think I had the right
to be depressed.
to be depressed.
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我生活条件优越，
01:54
I had a privileged life
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家庭幸福，事业有成。
01:56
with a loving family
and a successful career.
and a successful career.
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尤其当我想到，
正因为我的祖先们在这个国家
正因为我的祖先们在这个国家
01:59
And when I thought about
the unspeakable horrors
the unspeakable horrors
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遭受到那些无法描述的苦难，
02:02
that my ancestors
had been through in this country
had been through in this country
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所以我才能过得好一些，
02:04
so that I could have it better,
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我就越发感到愧疚。
02:06
my shame grew even deeper.
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02:08
I was standing on their shoulders.
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我是站在他们肩膀上的。
我怎么能让他们失望呢？
02:11
How could I let them down?
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02:13
I would hold my head up,
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我只能昂起头，
面带微笑，
02:15
put a smile on my face
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02:17
and never tell a soul.
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不对任何人说。
02:22
On July 4, 2013,
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2013年7月4日，
我的世界彻底崩溃了。
02:26
my world came crashing in on me.
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02:29
That was the day I got
a phone call from my mom
a phone call from my mom
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我接到母亲的电话，
说我22岁的侄子，保罗，
在与焦虑症和抑郁症抗争多年之后，
在与焦虑症和抑郁症抗争多年之后，
02:32
telling me that my 22-year-old nephew,
Paul, had ended his life,
Paul, had ended his life,
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02:36
after years of battling
depression and anxiety.
depression and anxiety.
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结束了自己的生命。
没有语言足以形容我的绝望。
02:40
There are no words that can describe
the devastation I felt.
the devastation I felt.
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我跟保罗很亲密，
02:44
Paul and I were very close,
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但我从来不知道
他遭受着如此大的痛苦。
他遭受着如此大的痛苦。
02:45
but I had no idea he was in so much pain.
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02:48
Neither one of us had ever talked
to the other about our struggles.
to the other about our struggles.
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我们也从未跟对方提起过
自己的挣扎与抗争。
自己的挣扎与抗争。
02:52
The shame and stigma kept us both silent.
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羞愧与耻辱感让我俩都保持沉默。
02:56
Now, my way of dealing with adversity
is to face it head on,
is to face it head on,
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现在，我应对逆境的方式
就是昂首向前，
就是昂首向前，
03:00
so I spent the next two years
researching depression and anxiety,
researching depression and anxiety,
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接下来我花了两年时间
来研究抑郁症和焦虑症，
来研究抑郁症和焦虑症，
03:03
and what I found was mind-blowing.
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而结果让我大吃一惊。
03:06
The World Health Organization reports
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根据世界卫生组织的报告，
03:08
that depression is the leading cause
of sickness and disability
of sickness and disability
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抑郁症是在世界范围内
导致疾病和伤残
导致疾病和伤残
03:14
in the world.
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最主要的原因。
03:16
While the exact cause
of depression isn't clear,
of depression isn't clear,
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导致抑郁症的准确原因尚不清楚，
03:19
research suggests
that most mental disorders develop,
that most mental disorders develop,
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研究显示，大部分精神疾病的发生，
03:22
at least in part,
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至少有一部分原因，
03:23
because of a chemical
imbalance in the brain,
imbalance in the brain,
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是因为大脑化学物质的不平衡，
03:26
and/or an underlying
genetic predisposition.
genetic predisposition.
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以及/或者潜在的遗传易感性。
03:31
So you can't just shake it off.
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因此你无法根除它。
03:34
For black Americans,
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对于美国黑人而言，
03:36
stressors like racism
and socioeconomic disparities
and socioeconomic disparities
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来自种族歧视和
社会经济差异上的压力
社会经济差异上的压力
03:40
put them at a 20 percent greater risk
of developing a mental disorder,
of developing a mental disorder,
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使他们患上心理疾病的
几率要高20%，
几率要高20%，
03:45
yet they seek mental health services
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然而他们寻求心理治疗的比例
03:48
at about half the rate of white Americans.
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仅仅达到美国白人的一半左右。
03:51
One reason is the stigma,
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原因之一就是感到羞耻，
有63%的美国黑人将抑郁症
误认为是软弱的表现。
误认为是软弱的表现。
03:54
with 63 percent of black Americans
mistaking depression for a weakness.
mistaking depression for a weakness.
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04:01
Sadly, the suicide rate
among black children
among black children
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令人悲伤的是，黑人儿童的自杀率
04:05
has doubled in the past 20 years.
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在过去20年里增加了一倍。
04:09
Now, here's the good news:
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当然，也有好消息：
04:12
seventy percent of people
struggling with depression will improve
struggling with depression will improve
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受到抑郁症困扰的人，
在治疗和药物的帮助下，
在治疗和药物的帮助下，
有70%情况会有所好转。
04:16
with therapy, treatment and medication.
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04:21
Armed with this information,
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掌握了这些信息后，
04:23
I made a decision:
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我做出了一个决定：
04:24
I wasn't going to be silent anymore.
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我不会再沉默下去。
04:28
With my family's blessing,
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有家人的祝福，
04:30
I would share our story
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我要把我们的故事分享出去，
04:32
in hopes of sparking
a national conversation.
a national conversation.
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希望能引发一场全国性的大讨论。
04:36
A friend, Kelly Pierre-Louis, said,
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我的一个朋友，
凯丽·皮埃尔-露易丝说，
凯丽·皮埃尔-露易丝说，
“逞强在毁掉我们。”
04:38
"Being strong is killing us."
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04:42
She's right.
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她说的没错。
04:44
We have got to retire
those tired, old narratives
those tired, old narratives
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我们要摈弃那些老旧过时的叙述，
比如坚强的黑人女性，
04:48
of the strong black woman
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04:49
and the super-masculine black man,
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无比阳刚的黑人男性，
04:52
who, no matter how many times
they get knocked down,
they get knocked down,
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他们无论被击倒多少次，
04:54
just shake it off and soldier on.
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都会爬起来，拍拍灰，继续前进。
04:57
Having feelings isn't a sign of weakness.
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感情丰富并不是软弱的标志。
05:02
Feelings mean we're human.
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那意味着我们还有人性。
05:04
And when we deny our humanity,
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如果我们连自己的人性都否定了，
05:06
it leaves us feeling empty inside,
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那就成了空心人，
05:09
searching for ways to self-medicate
in order to fill the void.
in order to fill the void.
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终日寻找自我治疗的良药，
填补内心的空白。
填补内心的空白。
05:12
My drug was high achievement.
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我的良药就是巨大的成功。
05:16
These days, I share my story openly,
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这些天来，我公开分享自己的故事，
05:19
and I ask others to share theirs, too.
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我也鼓励大家分享自己的。
05:22
I believe that's what it takes
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我坚信必须这么做才能
帮助那些在沉默中忍受痛苦的人们
05:23
to help people who may
be suffering in silence
be suffering in silence
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05:26
to know that they are not alone
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让他们知道自己并不孤独，
05:28
and to know that with help,
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让他们相信自己需要帮助，
05:30
they can heal.
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是可以被治愈的。
05:31
Now, I still have my struggles,
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现在我依然在遭受痛苦，
05:33
particularly with the anxiety,
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主要还是焦虑症，
05:36
but I'm able to manage it
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但我可以控制它，
通过每天服药，练瑜伽
以及“相对健康的”饮食。
以及“相对健康的”饮食。
05:37
through daily mediation,
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
yoga and a relatively healthy diet.
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05:42
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
05:43
If I feel like things
are starting to spiral,
are starting to spiral,
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一旦我感觉自己状态不好了，
我就会约我的治疗师见面，
05:46
I make an appointment to see my therapist,
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05:48
a dynamic black woman
named Dawn Armstrong,
named Dawn Armstrong,
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她是一位充满活力的黑人女性叫
道恩·阿姆斯特朗，
道恩·阿姆斯特朗，
05:51
who has a great sense of humor
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她很幽默，
05:53
and a familiarity that I find comforting.
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很亲切，让我感到安心。
05:57
I will always regret
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我一直非常后悔
05:59
that I couldn't be there for my nephew.
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没有能为我侄子做些什么。
06:02
But my sincerest hope
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但我真诚地希望
06:04
is that I can inspire others
with the lesson that I've learned.
with the lesson that I've learned.
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能让大家吸取我的教训。
06:11
Life is beautiful.
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生命是美丽的。
06:14
Sometimes it's messy,
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有时候也会不顺利，
06:16
and it's always unpredictable.
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永远充满未知。
06:19
But it will all be OK
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但一切都会好起来的，
只要拥有能帮助到你的体制。
06:20
when you have your support system
to help you through it.
to help you through it.
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06:23
I hope that if your burden gets too heavy,
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希望你们在撑不住的时候，
也会去寻求帮助。
06:25
you'll ask for a hand, too.
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06:27
Thank you.
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谢谢大家。
（掌声）
06:28
(Applause)
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Translated by Alvin Lee
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Nikki Webber Allen - Multimedia producerNikki Webber Allen is working to create a safe space for honest conversations about mental health in communities of color.
Why you should listen
Nikki Webber Allen is a two-time Emmy winner with 20 years of experience producing content for media outlets including Warner Bros., HBO, ABC, 20th Century Fox and BET.
In 2013, while working as the vice president of casting and talent relations for the cable network TV One, Webber Allen lost her 22-year old nephew, Paul, to suicide after his years of struggle with depression and anxiety. Since then, she's become a passionate mental health advocate.
In Paul's honor, she launched the nonprofit I LIVE FOR... FOUNDATION, INC. to create a safe space for honest, unapologetic conversations about mental health in communities of color, where the cultural stigma of mental illness discourages far too many people from seeking help. Michael Eric Dyson, advisor to the foundation, has called I LIVE FOR… "an incredibly important organization that offers much-needed support to those who too often suffer in silence."
Webber Allen is currently producing and directing a documentary film featuring a diverse group of compelling young men and women who reject the stigma of mental illness and share candid stories about their experiences living with depression and anxiety. The film is being scored by her husband, musician Jeffrey Allen of the Grammy-nominated R&B band Mint Condition.
In 2016, Webber Allen was one of only 47 people chosen out of more than 1,000 applicants worldwide to receive a coveted scholarship to Marie Forleo's B-School for social entrepreneurs. She has an M.A. in media studies from The New School University in New York, NY and a B.A. in communications from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ.
Nikki Webber Allen | Speaker | TED.com