ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com
TED2014

Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

安德鲁·所罗门: 生命中最惨痛的时刻如何造就我们

Filmed:
6,466,776 views

作家安德鲁·所罗门一生都在阐述关于艰辛的故事。现在他转向自己,带给我们一个充满挣扎的童年,同时简述着他近年来遇见的勇敢的人们的故事。在这个动人,衷心而时而完全幽默的演讲中,所罗门呼吁我们从最大的挑战中找寻意义。
- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.

00:12
As a student学生 of adversity逆境,
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我从逆境中学习:
00:16
I've been struck来袭 over the years年份
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这些年来,我一次又一次
00:17
by how some people
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被人们如何
00:19
with major重大的 challenges挑战
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从极大的挑战中
00:21
seem似乎 to draw strength强度 from them,
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得到力量而震撼,
00:24
and I've heard听说 the popular流行 wisdom智慧
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人们说,
00:26
that that has to do with finding发现 meaning含义.
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这和找寻生命的意义有关。
00:28
And for a long time,
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很长一段时间,
我以为生命的意义在某一处
00:30
I thought the meaning含义 was out there,
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00:32
some great truth真相 waiting等候 to be found发现.
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它是等待被发掘的真理。
00:35
But over time, I've come to feel
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但随着时间的迁移,我渐渐感到
00:38
that the truth真相 is irrelevant不相干.
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真理无关紧要
00:40
We call it finding发现 meaning含义,
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我们称它为找寻意义,
00:42
but we might威力 better call it forging锻造 meaning含义.
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但或许我们该更准确地称它铸造意义。
00:47
My last book was about how families家庭
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我上一本书讲的是家庭
00:49
manage管理 to deal合同 with various各个 kinds of challenging具有挑战性的
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如何应对各种让人伤脑筋的,
00:52
or unusual异常 offspring子孙,
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或不寻常的儿女们,
00:54
and one of the mothers母亲 I interviewed采访,
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我访问了一位有两名
00:56
who had two children孩子 with
multiple severe严重 disabilities残疾人,
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患有多重残疾的孩童的母亲,
00:59
said to me, "People always give us
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她对我说:“人们总是给予我们
01:02
these little sayings语录 like,
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一些所谓的名言,例如
01:03
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle处理,'
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‘上帝不会给你多过你能承载的’
01:07
but children孩子 like ours我们的
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但是像我家这样的孩子
01:09
are not preordained注定 as a gift礼品.
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并不是天生就注定是份礼物。
01:13
They're a gift礼品 because that's what we have chosen选择."
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他们是一份礼物,是因为我们选择如此。”
01:18
We make those choices选择 all our lives生活.
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我们一生中有很多这样的选择。
01:22
When I was in second第二 grade年级,
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我小学二年级的时候,
01:25
Bobby鲍比 Finkel芬克尔 had a birthday生日 party派对
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鲍比开了个生日派对
01:27
and invited邀请 everyone大家 in our class but me.
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他邀请了班上的所有人,除了我 。
01:32
My mother母亲 assumed假定 there
had been some sort分类 of error错误,
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我妈妈认为一定是出了什么差错,
01:34
and she called Mrs太太. Finkel芬克尔,
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所以给鲍比的母亲打了电话,
01:36
who said that Bobby鲍比 didn't like me
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鲍比的母亲说,鲍比不喜欢我,
01:38
and didn't want me at his party派对.
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不想让我参加他的派对。
01:42
And that day, my mom妈妈 took me to the zoo动物园
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那天,我妈妈带我去了动物园
01:45
and out for a hot fudge做傻事 sundae圣代.
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并去吃了焦糖冰激凌。
01:48
When I was in seventh第七 grade年级,
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我在7年级(初中一年级)时,
01:49
one of the kids孩子 on my school学校 bus总线
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我乘坐的校车上有个孩子
01:52
nicknamed绰号 me "Percy珀西"
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叫我:‘波西’ (发音似女式手提包)
01:54
as a shorthand速记 for my demeanor风度,
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取笑我的言行举止,
01:56
and sometimes有时, he and his cohort队列
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有时,他和他的伙伴
01:59
would chant that provocation挑衅
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会在整个校车的路途上
02:02
the entire整个 school学校 bus总线 ride,
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不停的吆喝着这个挑衅,
02:03
45 minutes分钟 up, 45 minutes分钟 back,
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去学校的45分钟,回家的45分钟,
02:07
"Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西!"
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‘波西!波西!波西!波西!’
02:12
When I was in eighth第八 grade年级,
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当我8年级(初中二年级)的时候,
02:14
our science科学 teacher老师 told us
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我们的科学老师告诉我们,
02:16
that all male homosexuals同性恋者
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所有的男性同性恋者
02:18
develop发展 fecal粪便 incontinence失禁
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都会大便失禁
02:20
because of the trauma外伤 to their anal肛门 sphincter括约肌.
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因为他们的肛门肌肉受到创伤。
02:25
And I graduated毕业 high school学校
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我直到高中毕业,
02:26
without ever going to the cafeteria自助餐馆,
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我都从没去过学校的食堂,
02:29
where I would have satSAT with the girls女孩
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在那儿我如果和女生坐在一起,
02:31
and been laughed笑了 at for doing so,
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那么我会被笑话,
02:33
or satSAT with the boys男孩
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或者如果我和男生坐在一起
02:35
and been laughed笑了 at for being存在 a boy男孩
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那么我会被笑话为一个
02:37
who should be sitting坐在 with the girls女孩.
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本应该跟女生坐在一起的男生。
02:39
I survived幸存 that childhood童年 through通过 a mix混合
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我用了忍耐加上逃避,
02:42
of avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力.
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才熬过了我的童年。
02:45
What I didn't know then,
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我当时不知道,
02:47
and do know now,
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但我现在明白了:
02:49
is that avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力
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逃避和忍耐
02:51
can be the entryway入口 to forging锻造 meaning含义.
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是铸造意义的入口通道。
02:56
After you've forged伪造的 meaning含义,
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铸造了意义以后,
02:58
you need to incorporate合并 that meaning含义
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你必须把这个意义融入
03:00
into a new identity身分.
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一个新的身份。
03:02
You need to take the traumas创伤 and make them part部分
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你需要把创伤变成
03:06
of who you've come to be,
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你自身的一部分,
03:08
and you need to fold the worst最差 events事件 of your life
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你必须把生命中最糟糕的时间,
03:11
into a narrative叙述 of triumph胜利,
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揉搓成胜利的故事,
03:13
evincing表明放弃 a better self
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用更好的自己
03:15
in response响应 to things that hurt伤害.
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来还击能伤害你的事物。
03:18
One of the other mothers母亲 I interviewed采访
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我在写我的书时,
03:20
when I was working加工 on my book
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访问了一位母亲,
03:22
had been raped强奸 as an adolescent青少年,
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她年少时被强奸,
03:25
and had a child儿童 following以下 that rape强奸,
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而在那之后她怀了孩子,
03:28
which哪一个 had thrown抛出 away her career事业 plans计划
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这摧毁了她的事业计划
03:31
and damaged破损 all of her emotional情绪化 relationships关系.
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也使她的情感关系受创。
03:35
But when I met会见 her, she was 50,
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当我遇见她时,她已经50岁了,
03:38
and I said to her,
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我问她,
03:39
"Do you often经常 think about the man who raped强奸 you?"
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“你常想起那个强奸你的男人吗?”
03:42
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger愤怒,
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而她回答道:“我曾经对他很气愤,
03:46
but now only with pity可怜."
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但现在只有怜悯。”
03:48
And I thought she meant意味着 pity可怜 because he was
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我以为她所说的怜悯是因为
03:51
so unevolved未演化 as to have doneDONE this terrible可怕 thing.
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只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
03:54
And I said, "Pity可怜?"
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我问她:“怜悯?”
03:56
And she said, "Yes,
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她回答到:“是的,
03:57
because he has a beautiful美丽 daughter女儿
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因为他有一个美丽的女儿
04:00
and two beautiful美丽 grandchildren孙子
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和两个美丽的孙子孙女
04:02
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
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但他并不知道,而我知道。
04:06
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky幸运 one."
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所以显然,我是幸运的。”
04:12
Some of our struggles斗争 are things we're born天生 to:
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有些挣扎是先天的:
04:15
our gender性别, our sexuality性欲, our race种族, our disability失能.
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我们的性别,性倾向,种族,残疾。
04:21
And some are things that happen发生 to us:
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有些是后天发生的事情:
04:23
being存在 a political政治 prisoner囚犯, being存在 a rape强奸 victim受害者,
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成为政治犯,成为强奸的受害者,
04:27
being存在 a Katrina卡特里娜 survivor幸存者.
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成为飓风卡特里娜的幸存者。
04:29
Identity身分 involves涉及 entering进入 a community社区
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身份意味着进入一个社群
04:32
to draw strength强度 from that community社区,
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从社群中得到力量,
04:35
and to give strength强度 there too.
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并同时给予那社群力量。
04:37
It involves涉及 substituting "and" for "but" --
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这需要把“但是”转换成“而且”
04:42
not "I am here but I have cancer癌症,"
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不是“我在这儿但是我有癌症”
04:46
but rather, "I have cancer癌症 and I am here."
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而是,“我有癌症而且我在这里。”
04:51
When we're ashamed羞愧,
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当我们对自己感到惭愧,
04:53
we can't tell our stories故事,
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我们就无法阐述自己的故事,
04:55
and stories故事 are the foundation基础 of identity身分.
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而故事是身份的基础。
05:00
Forge锻造 meaning含义, build建立 identity身分,
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铸造意义,建立身份,
05:04
forge锻造 meaning含义 and build建立 identity身分.
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铸造意义并建立身份,
05:07
That became成为 my mantra口头禅.
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这变成了我的口头禅。
05:10
Forging锻造 meaning含义 is about changing改变 yourself你自己.
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铸造意义所需要的是改变自己。
05:13
Building建造 identity身分 is about changing改变 the world世界.
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建立身份所需要的是改变世界。
05:17
All of us with stigmatized污名化 identities身份
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所有像我这样身份沾有污点的人
05:19
face面对 this question daily日常:
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每天都必须面对这个问题:
05:21
how much to accommodate容纳 society社会
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我该多大限度地通过禁锢自己
05:24
by constraining制约 ourselves我们自己,
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来迁就社会
05:26
and how much to break打破 the limits范围
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我该多大限度地打破所谓
05:29
of what constitutes构成 a valid有效 life?
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正确生活的底线?
05:32
Forging锻造 meaning含义 and building建造 identity身分
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铸造意义和建立身份
05:35
does not make what was wrong错误 right.
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不会把错的变成对的。
05:38
It only makes品牌 what was wrong错误 precious珍贵.
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只会把错误的变得珍贵。
05:43
In January一月 of this year,
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今年一月,
05:45
I went to Myanmar缅甸 to interview访问 political政治 prisoners囚犯,
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我前往缅甸访问政治囚犯,
05:49
and I was surprised诧异 to find them less bitter
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而我惊讶地发现他们
05:52
than I'd anticipated预期.
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没有我想象中的那么怀恨。
05:53
Most of them had knowingly有意识 committed提交
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他们大多在知情的情况下
05:55
the offenses罪行 that landed登陆 them in prison监狱,
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犯下了让他们入狱的罪行,
05:58
and they had walked in with their heads held保持 high,
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而他们昂首挺胸地走入监狱,
06:01
and they walked out with their heads
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多年后,他们依然昂首
06:03
still held保持 high, many许多 years年份 later后来.
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地走出监狱。
06:07
Dr博士. Ma ThidaThida, a leading领导 human人的 rights权利 activist活动家
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马提达博士,一位人活跃的权运动领袖
06:10
who had nearly几乎 died死亡 in prison监狱
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曾经几乎丧命于狱中
06:12
and had spent花费 many许多 years年份 in solitary confinement坐月子,
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并在单独禁锢中度过多年,
06:15
told me she was grateful感激 to her jailers狱卒
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但她告诉我她很感谢她的囚监
06:19
for the time she had had to think,
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给她思考的时间,
06:21
for the wisdom智慧 she had gained获得,
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让她得到了许多的智慧,
06:23
for the chance机会 to hone磨练 her meditation冥想 skills技能.
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和增进她的沉思的能力。
06:27
She had sought追捧 meaning含义
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她追寻了意义,
06:29
and made制作 her travail阵痛 into a crucial关键 identity身分.
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并把她受的难变成了重要的身份。
06:33
But if the people I met会见
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但如果我见到的人们
06:35
were less bitter than I'd anticipated预期
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没我想象的中那么怀恨
06:37
about being存在 in prison监狱,
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他们在狱中的时间,
06:38
they were also less thrilled高兴 than I'd expected预期
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他们也没有我想象的
06:41
about the reform改革 process处理 going on
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对他们国家的政治改革
06:43
in their country国家.
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那么高兴。
06:45
Ma ThidaThida said,
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马提达说:
06:47
"We Burmese缅甸语 are noted注意
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“我们缅甸人出了名的
06:48
for our tremendous巨大 grace恩典 under pressure压力,
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在压力下能保持优雅,
06:52
but we also have grievance不平 under glamour魅力,"
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但在华丽表象下却有不满,”
06:56
she said, "and the fact事实 that there have been
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他说道,“我们曾经历
06:58
these shifts转变 and changes变化
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这些动荡和改变
07:00
doesn't erase抹去 the continuing继续 problems问题
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并不能消除我们
07:02
in our society社会
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在狱中学会看清的
07:04
that we learned学到了 to see so well
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社会中
07:06
while we were in prison监狱."
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长久以来的问题。”
07:08
And I understood了解 her to be saying
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而我所理解她所说的是
07:10
that concessions让步 confer授予 only a little humanity人性,
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相比完整的人性所需要的,
07:14
where full充分 humanity人性 is due应有,
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妥协换来的只是一小部分的人性
07:16
that crumbs are not the same相同
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这就像面包屑并不等于
07:18
as a place地点 at the table,
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饭桌前就餐的位置
07:20
which哪一个 is to say you can forge锻造 meaning含义
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而这意味着你可以在铸造意义
07:23
and build建立 identity身分 and still be mad as hell地狱.
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和寻求身份的同时十分气愤。
07:29
I've never been raped强奸,
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我不曾被强奸,
07:31
and I've never been in anything
remotely远程 approaching接近
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我也不曾体验过任何
07:34
a Burmese缅甸语 prison监狱,
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接近缅甸监狱的事情,
07:36
but as a gay同性恋者 American美国,
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但身为一名同性恋的美国人,
07:37
I've experienced有经验的 prejudice偏见 and even hatred,
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我经历过歧视甚至仇恨,
07:42
and I've forged伪造的 meaning含义 and I've built内置 identity身分,
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而我也曾铸造过意义和建造了身份,
07:46
which哪一个 is a move移动 I learned学到了 from people
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这是我从经历过比我
07:48
who had experienced有经验的 far worse更差 privation困苦
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更多困苦的人身上
07:51
than I've ever known已知.
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学习到的法则。
07:53
In my own拥有 adolescence青春期,
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我年少时,
07:55
I went to extreme极端 lengths长度 to try to be straight直行.
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曾经千辛万苦地努力成为异性恋者。
07:59
I enrolled就读 myself in something called
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我为自己报名参加了称为
08:01
sexual有性 surrogacy代孕 therapy治疗,
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性替代品的疗法。
08:03
in which哪一个 people I was encouraged鼓励 to call doctors医生
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所谓的医生为我
08:07
prescribed规定 what I was encouraged鼓励 to call exercises演习
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和所谓替代品女人
08:10
with women妇女 I was encouraged鼓励 to call surrogates代理人,
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规定了所谓的练习,
08:14
who were not exactly究竟 prostitutes妓女
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她们并不是妓女,
08:17
but who were also not exactly究竟 anything else其他.
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但除了妓女却也什么都不是。
08:20
(Laughter笑声)
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(笑声)
08:24
My particular特定 favorite喜爱
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我最喜爱的
08:26
was a blonde金发 woman女人 from the Deep South
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是从南部来的一位金发女郎,
08:28
who eventually终于 admitted承认 to me
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她最终向我坦白
08:30
that she was really a necrophiliac恋尸癖
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她是个恋尸癖
08:32
and had taken采取 this job工作 after she got in trouble麻烦
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在她在停尸房中出了事儿后,
08:35
down at the morgue停尸房.
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才接受了这份工作。
08:37
(Laughter笑声)
184
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(笑声)
08:43
These experiences经验 eventually终于 allowed允许 me to have
185
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这些经历最终让我和一些女人
08:46
some happy快乐 physical物理 relationships关系 with women妇女,
186
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2789
发生了愉快的肉体关系,
08:49
for which哪一个 I'm grateful感激,
187
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我对此抱有感激,
08:50
but I was at war战争 with myself,
188
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2724
但我也和自己不断的战斗,
08:53
and I dug terrible可怕 wounds伤口 into my own拥有 psyche精神.
189
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4834
我在自身的心灵里划下了了严重的伤。
08:58
We don't seek寻求 the painful痛苦 experiences经验
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我们不寻求揉搓出我们身份
09:01
that hew our identities身份,
191
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的那些惨痛经验
09:04
but we seek寻求 our identities身份
192
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但我们在惨痛的经验之后,
09:06
in the wake唤醒 of painful痛苦 experiences经验.
193
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却会追寻我们的身份。
09:09
We cannot不能 bear a pointless无意义 torment折磨,
194
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2886
我们不能承担无谓的痛苦,
09:12
but we can endure忍受 great pain疼痛
195
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2500
但如果我们认定它是有意义的,
09:14
if we believe that it's purposeful有目的的.
196
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3175
我们就能忍受巨大的痛苦。
09:18
Ease缓解 makes品牌 less of an impression印象 on us
197
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安逸比起挣扎并不会对
09:20
than struggle斗争.
198
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我们留下深刻的印象。
09:21
We could have been ourselves我们自己 without our delights美食,
199
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没有了喜悦,我们还会是我们,
09:24
but not without the misfortunes不幸
200
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2276
但没有了促使我们追寻意义的不幸
09:26
that drive驾驶 our search搜索 for meaning含义.
201
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我们就不是现今的自己。
09:29
"Therefore因此, I take pleasure乐趣 in infirmities软弱,"
202
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3783
“所以,我在不幸中得到快乐,”
09:33
St. Paul保罗 wrote in Second第二 Corinthians科林蒂安,
203
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2284
圣保罗在第二哥林多前书中写道,
09:35
"for when I am weak, then I am strong强大."
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”当我软弱时,我是坚强的。“
09:39
In 1988, I went to Moscow莫斯科
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1988年,我前往莫斯科
09:42
to interview访问 artists艺术家 of the Soviet苏联 underground地下,
206
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3115
采访苏联的地下艺术家,
09:46
and I expected预期 their work to be
207
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我本以为他们的作品
09:47
dissident持不同政见 and political政治.
208
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会是持不同意见的和政治性的。
09:50
But the radicalism激进主义 in their work actually其实 lay铺设
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但是他们作品中的激进其实在
09:53
in reinserting重新插入 humanity人性 into a society社会
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把人性重新注入
09:56
that was annihilating歼敌 humanity人性 itself本身,
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2183
在毁灭人性的社会中,
09:58
as, in some senses感官, Russian俄语 society社会
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2788
正如,在某程度上,
10:01
is now doing again.
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589131
1867
现今的俄罗斯社会再一次在做的。
10:03
One of the artists艺术家 I met会见 said to me,
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我遇到的其中一名艺术家对我说,
10:05
"We were in training训练 to be not artists艺术家 but angels天使."
215
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"我们正在苦炼成为天使,而不是艺术家。”
10:10
In 1991, I went back to see the artists艺术家
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3155
1991年,我回到莫斯科拜访这些
10:13
I'd been writing写作 about,
217
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1478
我曾写过的艺术家,
10:14
and I was with them during the putsch政变
218
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2149
我和他们一起度过了,
10:16
that ended结束 the Soviet苏联 Union联盟,
219
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1762
终结苏联的政变,
10:18
and they were among其中 the chief首席 organizers组织者
220
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2289
而他们是抵抗政变
10:21
of the resistance抵抗性 to that putsch政变.
221
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3026
的主要组织者之一。
10:24
And on the third第三 day of the putsch政变,
222
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3419
在政变的第三天,
10:27
one of them suggested建议 we walk步行 up to Smolenskaya斯摩棱斯克.
223
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3039
他们其中的一员建议我们去斯莫兰卡雅(莫斯科地名)。
10:30
And we went there,
224
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1282
我们去了那里,
10:31
and we arranged安排 ourselves我们自己 in
front面前 of one of the barricades路障,
225
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3259
然后我们列好队站在一个街垒前,
10:35
and a little while later后来,
226
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1758
过了一会儿,
10:36
a column of tanks坦克 rolled热轧 up,
227
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2261
一列坦克车开来了,
10:39
and the soldier士兵 on the front面前 tank坦克 said,
228
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2037
最前方的坦克车士兵说,
10:41
"We have unconditional无条件的 orders命令
229
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2204
“我们有无条件的命令
10:43
to destroy破坏 this barricade.
230
631114
1606
要摧毁这个街垒。
10:44
If you get out of the way,
231
632720
1655
如果你们让开,
10:46
we don't need to hurt伤害 you,
232
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1565
我们不需伤害你们,
10:48
but if you won't惯于 move移动, we'll have no choice选择
233
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1878
但如果你们待在这儿,我们没办法
10:50
but to run you down."
234
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1713
只能压过你们。”
10:51
And the artists艺术家 I was with said,
235
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1852
和我在一起的艺术家们说,
10:53
"Give us just a minute分钟.
236
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1407
“给我们一分钟,
10:54
Give us just a minute分钟 to tell you why we're here."
237
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4348
给我们一分钟告诉你我们为什么在这里。”
10:59
And the soldier士兵 folded折叠 his arms武器,
238
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2056
那个士兵把双臂交叉在胸前,
11:01
and the artist艺术家 launched推出 into a
Jeffersonian杰斐逊 panegyric to democracy民主
239
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4600
那名艺术家开始以杰斐逊式的民主颂词,
11:05
such这样 as those of us who live生活
240
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1858
这是我们这些生活在
11:07
in a Jeffersonian杰斐逊 democracy民主
241
655652
1921
杰斐逊式的民主社会的人
11:09
would be hard-pressed捉襟见肘 to present当下.
242
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3295
也苦于表达的。
11:13
And they went on and on,
243
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1756
他们滔滔不绝地说着,
11:14
and the soldier士兵 watched看着,
244
662624
2003
而那名士兵看着他们,
11:16
and then he satSAT there for a full充分 minute分钟
245
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1729
知道他们说完了之后,
11:18
after they were finished
246
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1504
他坐在那里待了整整一分钟,
11:20
and looked看着 at us so bedraggled荒废 in the rain,
247
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2785
看着我们这群落汤鸡,
11:22
and said, "What you have said is true真正,
248
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3677
然后说,“你们说的是事实,
11:26
and we must必须 bow to the will of the people.
249
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3616
而我们必须听从民意。
11:30
If you'll你会 clear明确 enough足够 space空间 for us to turn around,
250
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2471
如果你们让出足够的位置让我们掉头,
11:32
we'll go back the way we came来了."
251
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2454
我们会原路返回。”
11:35
And that's what they did.
252
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2146
而他们果真这样做了。
11:37
Sometimes有时, forging锻造 meaning含义
253
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2218
有时,铸造意义
11:39
can give you the vocabulary词汇 you need
254
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2620
能给你所需要的辞藻
11:42
to fight斗争 for your ultimate最终 freedom自由.
255
689847
3258
来争取你最终的自由。
11:45
Russia俄国 awakened惊醒 me to the lemonade柠檬汽水 notion概念
256
693105
3155
俄罗斯让我意识到逆境求生的概念:
11:48
that oppression压迫 breeds品种 the power功率 to oppose反对 it,
257
696260
2554
剥削会繁衍抵抗剥削的力量,
11:51
and I gradually逐渐 understood了解 that as the cornerstone基石
258
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3426
而我逐渐明白了这是
11:54
of identity身分.
259
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身份的基石。
11:55
It took identity身分 to rescue拯救 me from sadness.
260
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4685
身份从伤痛中拯救了我。
12:00
The gay同性恋者 rights权利 movement运动 posits的posits a world世界
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2116
同性恋权利运动憧憬一个
12:02
in which哪一个 my aberrancesaberrances are a victory胜利.
262
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2851
我的畸形是一种胜利。
12:05
Identity身分 politics政治 always works作品 on two fronts战线:
263
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3628
身份的政治总是从两方面出发:
12:09
to give pride自豪 to people who have a given特定 condition条件
264
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3055
给有特殊情况或特征的人
12:12
or characteristic特性,
265
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1457
应有的自豪;
12:13
and to cause原因 the outside world世界
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1676
和让外在的世界
12:15
to treat对待 such这样 people more gently平缓 and more kindly和蔼.
267
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3528
温柔地善待这些人。
12:18
Those are two totally完全 separate分离 enterprises企业,
268
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3518
这是两种不同的途径,
12:22
but progress进展 in each sphere领域
269
730288
1825
但不管哪个方面的进展
12:24
reverberates宛转 in the other.
270
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2359
都会在另一方面造成回响。
12:26
Identity身分 politics政治 can be narcissistic自恋.
271
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3749
身份的政治可以变成自恋的。
12:30
People extol称赏 a difference区别 only because it's theirs他们的.
272
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3328
人们称赞不同只是应为那是他们自身的。
12:33
People narrow狭窄 the world世界 and function功能
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2399
人们把世界窄化,
12:36
in discrete离散的 groups without empathy同情 for one another另一个.
274
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3051
形成个体,对他人毫无同情。
12:39
But properly正确 understood了解
275
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2485
但如果它得以正确的理解
12:41
and wisely明智 practiced,
276
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1921
和理智的运用,
12:43
identity身分 politics政治 should expand扩大
277
751405
1991
身份的政治应该
12:45
our idea理念 of what it is to be human人的.
278
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2527
扩充我们对人性的概念。
12:48
Identity身分 itself本身
279
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1718
身份自身
12:49
should be not a smug踌躇满志 label标签
280
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2549
不应是让人自满的标签
12:52
or a gold medal勋章
281
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2084
或是一枚金牌
12:54
but a revolution革命.
282
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2473
但应是一个革命。
12:56
I would have had an easier更轻松 life if I were straight直行,
283
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3566
如果我是异性恋,我的生活会轻松很多,
13:00
but I would not be me,
284
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1797
但我不会是我,
13:02
and I now like being存在 myself better
285
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2665
我现在比较喜欢做我自己
13:04
than the idea理念 of being存在 someone有人 else其他,
286
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2053
而不想成为另一个人,
13:07
someone有人 who, to be honest诚实,
287
774828
1648
说实话,
13:08
I have neither也不 the option选项 of being存在
288
776476
2084
我无法成为,
13:10
nor也不 the ability能力 fully充分 to imagine想像.
289
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2477
也无法想象其他人。
13:13
But if you banish放逐 the dragons小龙,
290
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2152
但如果你驱逐了恶龙,
13:15
you banish放逐 the heroes英雄,
291
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2565
你也同时驱逐了英雄,
13:17
and we become成为 attached
292
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1541
而我们无法放下
13:19
to the heroic英勇 strain应变 in our own拥有 lives生活.
293
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3128
我们生命中英雄的那一部分。
13:22
I've sometimes有时 wondered想知道
294
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1281
我有时候会问自己
13:23
whether是否 I could have ceased停止
to hate讨厌 that part部分 of myself
295
791704
2782
如果没有同性恋权益的色彩斑斓,
13:26
without gay同性恋者 pride's骄傲的 technicolor彩色印片法 fiesta节日,
296
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2581
(这个演讲就是其显像之一),
13:29
of which哪一个 this speech言语 is one manifestation表现.
297
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4501
我能否停止憎恨自己的那一部分。
13:33
I used to think I would know myself to be mature成熟
298
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2897
我曾经认为当我是同性恋者,
13:36
when I could simply只是 be gay同性恋者 without emphasis重点,
299
804465
2854
却不加宣扬时,我就成熟了,
13:39
but the self-loathing自我厌恶 of that period left a void空虚,
300
807319
3909
但那段时间的自厌留下了一个洞,
13:43
and celebration庆典 needs需求 to fill and overflow溢出 it,
301
811228
3735
需要靠庆祝来填满和倾注,
13:47
and even if I repay偿还 my private私人的 debt债务 of melancholy愁绪,
302
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3694
就算我还清了我自身的悲伤,
13:50
there's still an outer world世界 of homophobia同性恋
303
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2756
外在的同性恋恐惧症还是存在的
13:53
that it will take decades几十年 to address地址.
304
821413
2889
那需要几十年的时间来解决。
13:56
Someday日后, being存在 gay同性恋者 will be a simple简单 fact事实,
305
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3315
有一天,同性恋身份会是个简单的事实,
13:59
free自由 of party派对 hats帽子 and blame,
306
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2849
没有夸耀或指责,
14:02
but not yet然而.
307
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1518
但现在不是这样。
14:04
A friend朋友 of mine who thought gay同性恋者 pride自豪
308
831984
2749
我有个朋友,他认为
14:06
was getting得到 very carried携带的 away with itself本身,
309
834733
1914
同性恋权益忘乎所以,
14:08
once一旦 suggested建议 that we organize组织
310
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1564
他提议我们举行
14:10
Gay同性恋者 Humility谦逊 Week.
311
838211
2022
同性恋“谦卑”一周。
14:12
(Laughter笑声) (Applause掌声)
312
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4467
(笑声)(掌声)
14:18
It's a great idea理念,
313
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2195
这是个好主意,
14:21
but its time has not yet然而 come.
314
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2429
但它的时间未到。
14:23
(Laughter笑声)
315
851267
1985
(笑声)
14:25
And neutrality中立, which哪一个 seems似乎 to lie谎言
316
853252
2199
而中立,这似乎
14:27
halfway between之间 despair绝望 and celebration庆典,
317
855451
2754
在绝望和庆祝中间的东西,
14:30
is actually其实 the endgame结束游戏.
318
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3186
才是最终的目标。
14:33
In 29 states状态 in the U.S.,
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在美国有29个州,
14:36
I could legally法律上 be fired解雇 or denied否认 housing住房
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3262
法律准许我因为同性恋身份,
14:39
for being存在 gay同性恋者.
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而被开除或被拒之门外。
14:41
In Russia俄国, the anti-propaganda反宣传 law
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在俄罗斯,反政治宣传法
14:44
has led to people being存在 beaten殴打 in the streets街道.
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导致人们在大街上被殴打。
14:47
Twenty-seven二十七 African非洲人 countries国家
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二十七个非洲国家
14:49
have passed通过 laws法律 against反对 sodomy鸡奸,
325
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立法严禁肛交,
14:52
and in Nigeria尼日利亚, gay同性恋者 people can legally法律上
326
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2239
在尼日利亚,同性恋者
14:54
be stoned砸死 to death死亡,
327
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1458
可以合法地被处于石刑,
14:55
and lynchings私刑 have become成为 common共同.
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2690
私刑也最近变得越发常见
14:58
In Saudi沙特 Arabia阿拉伯 recently最近, two men男人
329
886278
3090
近日在沙特阿拉伯,两个被逮到
15:01
who had been caught抓住 in carnal肉体 acts行为,
330
889368
1905
在发生肉体关系的男人,
15:03
were sentenced判刑 to 7,000 lashes睫毛 each,
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4667
每人被判了7000下的鞭刑,
15:08
and are now permanently永久 disabled as a result结果.
332
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而现在变得终身残疾。
15:11
So who can forge锻造 meaning含义
333
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1871
那谁能铸造意义
15:13
and build建立 identity身分?
334
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2780
和建立身份呢?
15:16
Gay同性恋者 rights权利 are not primarily主要 marriage婚姻 rights权利,
335
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3327
同性恋权益不主要是婚姻权益,
15:19
and for the millions百万 who live生活 in unacceptingunaccepting places地方
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2936
而对数以百万生活在不包容
15:22
with no resources资源,
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910253
2177
和缺少资源地方的人们,
15:24
dignity尊严 remains遗迹 elusive难以捉摸.
338
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2480
尊严是可望而不可及的。
15:27
I am lucky幸运 to have forged伪造的 meaning含义
339
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3012
我很幸运,能够铸造意义
15:30
and built内置 identity身分,
340
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2066
和建造身份,
15:32
but that's still a rare罕见 privilege特权,
341
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2297
但这是少有的特权,
15:34
and gay同性恋者 people deserve值得 more collectively
342
922285
2829
同性恋者群体应得到的
15:37
than the crumbs of justice正义.
343
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不只是一点点的正义。
15:40
And yet然而, every一切 step forward前锋
344
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3051
然而,每点进步
15:43
is so sweet.
345
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2066
都是甜蜜的。
15:45
In 2007, six years年份 after we met会见,
346
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3654
在2007年,在我和我的伴侣
15:49
my partner伙伴 and I decided决定
347
937321
2057
相识六年后,
15:51
to get married已婚.
348
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1734
我们决定结婚。
15:53
Meeting会议 John约翰 had been the discovery发现
349
941112
2182
遇见约翰让我找到了
15:55
of great happiness幸福
350
943294
1856
巨大的快乐,
15:57
and also the elimination消除 of great unhappiness不幸,
351
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3100
也去除了庞大的不快乐,
16:00
and sometimes有时, I was so occupied占据
352
948250
2614
有时候,我太在乎着
16:03
with the disappearance消失 of all that pain疼痛
353
950864
2501
痛苦的消失,
16:05
that I forgot忘记 about the joy喜悦,
354
953365
2352
而忘了喜悦,
16:07
which哪一个 was at first the less
remarkable卓越 part部分 of it to me.
355
955717
3747
它一开始并不是那么的起眼。
16:11
Marrying was a way to declare宣布 our love
356
959464
2701
婚姻是我们宣扬我们爱的存在
16:14
as more a presence存在 than an absence缺席.
357
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3986
而不是缺憾。
16:18
Marriage婚姻 soon不久 led us to children孩子,
358
966151
2452
婚姻很快把我们引导向孩子,
16:20
and that meant意味着 new meanings含义
359
968603
1607
而这意味着新的意义
16:22
and new identities身份, ours我们的 and theirs他们的.
360
970210
4252
和新的身份,我们的和他们的。
16:26
I want my children孩子 to be happy快乐,
361
974462
2927
我要我的孩子们开心,
16:29
and I love them most achingly心痛 when they are sad伤心.
362
977389
3781
在他们伤心时,我最疼他们。
16:33
As a gay同性恋者 father父亲, I can teach them
363
981170
2680
作为一名同性恋的父亲,我可以教导他们
16:36
to own拥有 what is wrong错误 in their lives生活,
364
983850
2677
去理解他们生命中的错误,
16:38
but I believe that if I succeed成功
365
986527
1793
但我相信如果我成功地
16:40
in sheltering庇护 them from adversity逆境,
366
988320
2320
让他们远离逆境,
16:42
I will have failed失败 as a parent.
367
990640
2890
那我身为父亲是失败的。
16:45
A Buddhist佛教徒 scholar学者 I know once一旦 explained解释 to me
368
993530
3068
我认识的一位佛教学者曾向我解释
16:48
that Westerners西方人 mistakenly think
369
996598
1969
西方人错误地认为
16:50
that nirvana is what arrives到达
370
998567
2355
涅磐降临在所有疾苦消逝
16:53
when all your woe荣辱与共 is behind背后 you
371
1000922
2743
只剩下
16:55
and you have only bliss to look forward前锋 to.
372
1003665
3239
幸福在眼前的时候。
16:59
But he said that would not be nirvana,
373
1006904
2165
但他说这不是涅磐,
17:01
because your bliss in the present当下
374
1009069
1510
因为你现今的幸福
17:02
would always be shadowed附有阴影 by the joy喜悦 from the past过去.
375
1010579
3999
总会被以前的喜悦掩盖。
17:06
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive到达 at
376
1014578
2830
以他来看,涅磐的降临,
17:09
when you have only bliss to look forward前锋 to
377
1017408
2382
是当你眼前只有幸福,
17:11
and find in what looked看着 like sorrows悲伤
378
1019790
2483
而在看起来像是悲伤里
17:14
the seedlings of your joy喜悦.
379
1022273
2853
也能找到喜悦的种子。
17:17
And I sometimes有时 wonder奇迹
380
1025126
1711
有时候我在想
17:19
whether是否 I could have found发现 such这样 fulfillment履行
381
1026837
2393
如果婚姻和孩子
17:21
in marriage婚姻 and children孩子
382
1029230
1462
来得更容易些,
17:22
if they'd他们会 come more readily容易,
383
1030692
2053
我是否会找到这样的满足,
17:24
if I'd been straight直行 in my youth青年 or were young年轻 now,
384
1032745
4025
而如果我年轻时是异性恋,或我还年轻,
17:28
in either of which哪一个 cases this might威力 be easier更轻松.
385
1036770
3422
它们会让事情变得简单。
17:32
Perhaps也许 I could.
386
1040192
1579
也许我会的。
17:33
Perhaps也许 all the complex复杂 imagining想象 I've doneDONE
387
1041771
2337
也许我做过的所有的复杂事情
17:36
could have been applied应用的 to other topics主题.
388
1044108
2133
都可以应用在其他的议题上。
17:38
But if seeking meaning含义
389
1046241
1640
但如果寻求意义
17:40
matters事项 more than finding发现 meaning含义,
390
1047881
1857
比找到意义更重要,
17:41
the question is not whether是否 I'd be happier幸福
391
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3363
那问题不是我是不是因为被欺负
17:45
for having been bullied欺负,
392
1053101
1546
而更加快乐,
17:46
but whether是否 assigning分配 meaning含义
393
1054647
1672
而是这些被赋予意义
17:48
to those experiences经验
394
1056319
1735
的经历
17:50
has made制作 me a better father父亲.
395
1058054
2416
是否让我成为更好的父亲。
17:52
I tend趋向 to find the ecstasy狂喜 hidden in ordinary普通 joys欢乐,
396
1060470
4008
我常常发现在普通的快乐中躲藏的狂喜,
17:56
because I did not expect期望 those joys欢乐
397
1064478
1959
因为我不认定这些快乐
17:58
to be ordinary普通 to me.
398
1066437
2528
对我来说是普通的。
18:01
I know many许多 heterosexuals异性恋 who have
399
1068965
1817
我认识许多异性恋者他们
18:02
equally一样 happy快乐 marriages婚姻 and families家庭,
400
1070782
2266
有着同样快乐的婚姻和家庭,
18:05
but gay同性恋者 marriage婚姻 is so breathtakingly惊人的 fresh新鲜,
401
1073048
2861
但同性婚姻是那么的让人赞叹的新鲜,
18:08
and gay同性恋者 families家庭 so exhilaratingly令人欣喜 new,
402
1075909
3304
同性家庭是那么的令人振奋的新奇,
18:11
and I found发现 meaning含义 in that surprise.
403
1079213
4259
而我在这惊喜中找到了意义。
18:15
In October十月, it was my 50th birthday生日,
404
1083472
3438
10月是我的50岁生日,
18:19
and my family家庭 organized有组织的 a party派对 for me,
405
1086910
3218
我的家人为我举办了派对,
18:22
and in the middle中间 of it,
406
1090128
1489
在进行到一半时,
18:23
my son儿子 said to my husband丈夫
407
1091617
1417
我的儿子对我的先生说
18:25
that he wanted to make a speech言语,
408
1093034
1666
他想要演讲,
18:26
and John约翰 said,
409
1094700
994
约翰说,
18:27
"George乔治, you can't make a speech言语. You're four."
410
1095694
4622
“乔治,你不能演讲,你才四岁。”
18:32
(Laughter笑声)
411
1100316
1514
(笑声)
18:34
"Only Grandpa爷爷 and Uncle叔叔 David大卫 and I
412
1101830
2336
“今晚只有爷爷和大卫叔叔
18:36
are going to make speeches演讲 tonight今晚."
413
1104166
2049
和我要演讲。”
18:38
But George乔治 insisted坚持 and insisted坚持,
414
1106215
2905
但是乔治一再的坚持,
18:41
and finally最后, John约翰 took him up to the microphone麦克风,
415
1109120
3003
终于,约翰把他带到了麦克风前,
18:44
and George乔治 said very loudly高声,
416
1112123
3056
然后乔治很大声的说,
18:47
"Ladies女士们 and gentlemen绅士,
417
1115179
2444
“女士们先生们,
18:49
may可能 I have your attention注意 please."
418
1117623
2582
请大家注意一下。”
18:52
And everyone大家 turned转身 around, startled.
419
1120205
2715
大家都转过身来,惊呆了,
18:55
And George乔治 said,
420
1122920
2107
乔治说道,
18:57
"I'm glad高兴 it's Daddy's爸爸的 birthday生日.
421
1125027
2331
“我很高兴今天是爹爹的生日。
18:59
I'm glad高兴 we all get cake蛋糕.
422
1127358
3441
我很高兴有蛋糕吃。
19:02
And daddy, if you were little,
423
1130799
3158
还有,爹爹,如果你还是小孩,
19:06
I'd be your friend朋友."
424
1133957
3267
我会做你的朋友。”
19:09
And I thought — Thank you.
425
1137770
2831
而我想 ( 谢谢)
19:12
I thought that I was indebted感激的
426
1140601
2299
我想我甚至对鲍比
19:15
even to Bobby鲍比 Finkel芬克尔,
427
1142900
1795
都有亏欠,
19:16
because all those earlier experiences经验
428
1144695
2737
应为所有这些先前的经历
19:19
were what had propelled推进的 me to this moment时刻,
429
1147432
2368
把我带到了现在这一刻,
19:22
and I was finally最后 unconditionally无条件 grateful感激
430
1149800
2532
而我终于无条件地感激
19:24
for a life I'd once一旦 have doneDONE anything to change更改.
431
1152332
3775
这个我一度千方百计想要改变的人生
一个年轻的同性恋男人
19:28
The gay同性恋者 activist活动家 Harvey哈维 Milk牛奶
432
1156107
2045
曾问过同性恋运动人士哈维·米尔克
19:30
was once一旦 asked by a younger更年轻 gay同性恋者 man
433
1158152
2528
19:32
what he could do to help the movement运动,
434
1160680
2216
他能为这个运动做点什么,
19:35
and Harvey哈维 Milk牛奶 said,
435
1162896
1411
哈维·米尔克说,
19:36
"Go out and tell someone有人."
436
1164307
2414
“出去告诉一个人。”
19:38
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate没收
437
1166721
2624
世上总是有人
19:41
our humanity人性,
438
1169345
1605
想要没收我们的人性
19:43
and there are always stories故事 that restore恢复 it.
439
1170950
2788
但也总是有恢复人性的故事。
19:45
If we live生活 out loud,
440
1173738
1578
如果我们活出精彩,
19:47
we can trounce打败 the hatred
441
1175316
1666
我们就能战胜憎恨
19:49
and expand扩大 everyone's大家的 lives生活.
442
1176982
3414
拓宽众人的生命。
19:52
Forge锻造 meaning含义. Build建立 identity身分.
443
1180396
3624
铸造意义,建立身份
19:56
Forge锻造 meaning含义.
444
1184020
2073
铸造意义,
19:58
Build建立 identity身分.
445
1186093
2747
建立身份。
20:01
And then invite邀请 the world世界
446
1188840
1798
然后邀请世界
20:02
to share分享 your joy喜悦.
447
1190638
1696
共享你的喜悦。
20:04
Thank you.
448
1192334
3246
谢谢。
20:07
(Applause掌声)
449
1195580
1426
(掌声)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
450
1197006
3077
谢谢。(掌声)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
451
1200083
4099
谢谢。(掌声)
20:16
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
452
1204182
4000
谢谢。(掌声)
Translated by Yi Fei
Reviewed by Xiaoyang Wu

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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com