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TED2014

Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

安德鲁·所罗门: 生命中最惨痛的时刻如何造就我们

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作家安德鲁·所罗门一生都在阐述关于艰辛的故事。现在他转向自己,带给我们一个充满挣扎的童年,同时简述着他近年来遇见的勇敢的人们的故事。在这个动人,衷心而时而完全幽默的演讲中,所罗门呼吁我们从最大的挑战中找寻意义。

- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

As a student学生 of adversity逆境,
我从逆境中学习:
00:12
I've been struck来袭 over the years年份
这些年来,我一次又一次
00:16
by how some people
被人们如何
00:17
with major重大的 challenges挑战
从极大的挑战中
00:19
seem似乎 to draw strength强度 from them,
得到力量而震撼,
00:21
and I've heard听说 the popular流行 wisdom智慧
人们说,
00:24
that that has to do with finding发现 meaning含义.
这和找寻生命的意义有关。
00:26
And for a long time,
很长一段时间,
00:28
I thought the meaning含义 was out there,
我以为生命的意义在某一处
00:30
some great truth真相 waiting等候 to be found发现.
它是等待被发掘的真理。
00:32
But over time, I've come to feel
但随着时间的迁移,我渐渐感到
00:35
that the truth真相 is irrelevant不相干.
真理无关紧要
00:38
We call it finding发现 meaning含义,
我们称它为找寻意义,
00:40
but we might威力 better call it forging锻造 meaning含义.
但或许我们该更准确地称它铸造意义。
00:42
My last book was about how families家庭
我上一本书讲的是家庭
00:47
manage管理 to deal合同 with various各个 kinds of challenging具有挑战性的
如何应对各种让人伤脑筋的,
00:49
or unusual异常 offspring子孙,
或不寻常的儿女们,
00:52
and one of the mothers母亲 I interviewed采访,
我访问了一位有两名
00:54
who had two children孩子 with
multiple severe严重 disabilities残疾人,
患有多重残疾的孩童的母亲,
00:56
said to me, "People always give us
她对我说:“人们总是给予我们
00:59
these little sayings语录 like,
一些所谓的名言,例如
01:02
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle处理,'
‘上帝不会给你多过你能承载的’
01:03
but children孩子 like ours我们的
但是像我家这样的孩子
01:07
are not preordained注定 as a gift礼品.
并不是天生就注定是份礼物。
01:09
They're a gift礼品 because that's what we have chosen选择."
他们是一份礼物,是因为我们选择如此。”
01:13
We make those choices选择 all our lives生活.
我们一生中有很多这样的选择。
01:18
When I was in second第二 grade年级,
我小学二年级的时候,
01:22
Bobby鲍比 Finkel芬克尔 had a birthday生日 party派对
鲍比开了个生日派对
01:25
and invited邀请 everyone大家 in our class but me.
他邀请了班上的所有人,除了我 。
01:27
My mother母亲 assumed假定 there
had been some sort分类 of error错误,
我妈妈认为一定是出了什么差错,
01:32
and she called Mrs太太. Finkel芬克尔,
所以给鲍比的母亲打了电话,
01:34
who said that Bobby鲍比 didn't like me
鲍比的母亲说,鲍比不喜欢我,
01:36
and didn't want me at his party派对.
不想让我参加他的派对。
01:38
And that day, my mom妈妈 took me to the zoo动物园
那天,我妈妈带我去了动物园
01:42
and out for a hot fudge做傻事 sundae圣代.
并去吃了焦糖冰激凌。
01:45
When I was in seventh第七 grade年级,
我在7年级(初中一年级)时,
01:48
one of the kids孩子 on my school学校 bus总线
我乘坐的校车上有个孩子
01:49
nicknamed绰号 me "Percy珀西"
叫我:‘波西’ (发音似女式手提包)
01:52
as a shorthand速记 for my demeanor风度,
取笑我的言行举止,
01:54
and sometimes有时, he and his cohort队列
有时,他和他的伙伴
01:56
would chant that provocation挑衅
会在整个校车的路途上
01:59
the entire整个 school学校 bus总线 ride,
不停的吆喝着这个挑衅,
02:02
45 minutes分钟 up, 45 minutes分钟 back,
去学校的45分钟,回家的45分钟,
02:03
"Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西!"
‘波西!波西!波西!波西!’
02:07
When I was in eighth第八 grade年级,
当我8年级(初中二年级)的时候,
02:12
our science科学 teacher老师 told us
我们的科学老师告诉我们,
02:14
that all male homosexuals同性恋者
所有的男性同性恋者
02:16
develop发展 fecal粪便 incontinence失禁
都会大便失禁
02:18
because of the trauma外伤 to their anal肛门 sphincter括约肌.
因为他们的肛门肌肉受到创伤。
02:20
And I graduated毕业 high school学校
我直到高中毕业,
02:25
without ever going to the cafeteria自助餐馆,
我都从没去过学校的食堂,
02:26
where I would have satSAT with the girls女孩
在那儿我如果和女生坐在一起,
02:29
and been laughed笑了 at for doing so,
那么我会被笑话,
02:31
or satSAT with the boys男孩
或者如果我和男生坐在一起
02:33
and been laughed笑了 at for being存在 a boy男孩
那么我会被笑话为一个
02:35
who should be sitting坐在 with the girls女孩.
本应该跟女生坐在一起的男生。
02:37
I survived幸存 that childhood童年 through通过 a mix混合
我用了忍耐加上逃避,
02:39
of avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力.
才熬过了我的童年。
02:42
What I didn't know then,
我当时不知道,
02:45
and do know now,
但我现在明白了:
02:47
is that avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力
逃避和忍耐
02:49
can be the entryway入口 to forging锻造 meaning含义.
是铸造意义的入口通道。
02:51
After you've forged伪造的 meaning含义,
铸造了意义以后,
02:56
you need to incorporate合并 that meaning含义
你必须把这个意义融入
02:58
into a new identity身分.
一个新的身份。
03:00
You need to take the traumas创伤 and make them part部分
你需要把创伤变成
03:02
of who you've come to be,
你自身的一部分,
03:06
and you need to fold the worst最差 events事件 of your life
你必须把生命中最糟糕的时间,
03:08
into a narrative叙述 of triumph胜利,
揉搓成胜利的故事,
03:11
evincing表明放弃 a better self
用更好的自己
03:13
in response响应 to things that hurt伤害.
来还击能伤害你的事物。
03:15
One of the other mothers母亲 I interviewed采访
我在写我的书时,
03:18
when I was working加工 on my book
访问了一位母亲,
03:20
had been raped强奸 as an adolescent青少年,
她年少时被强奸,
03:22
and had a child儿童 following以下 that rape强奸,
而在那之后她怀了孩子,
03:25
which哪一个 had thrown抛出 away her career事业 plans计划
这摧毁了她的事业计划
03:28
and damaged破损 all of her emotional情绪化 relationships关系.
也使她的情感关系受创。
03:31
But when I met会见 her, she was 50,
当我遇见她时,她已经50岁了,
03:35
and I said to her,
我问她,
03:38
"Do you often经常 think about the man who raped强奸 you?"
“你常想起那个强奸你的男人吗?”
03:39
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger愤怒,
而她回答道:“我曾经对他很气愤,
03:42
but now only with pity可怜."
但现在只有怜悯。”
03:46
And I thought she meant意味着 pity可怜 because he was
我以为她所说的怜悯是因为
03:48
so unevolved未演化 as to have doneDONE this terrible可怕 thing.
只有粗鄙的男人才能做出如此不堪的事情。
03:51
And I said, "Pity可怜?"
我问她:“怜悯?”
03:54
And she said, "Yes,
她回答到:“是的,
03:56
because he has a beautiful美丽 daughter女儿
因为他有一个美丽的女儿
03:57
and two beautiful美丽 grandchildren孙子
和两个美丽的孙子孙女
04:00
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
但他并不知道,而我知道。
04:02
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky幸运 one."
所以显然,我是幸运的。”
04:06
Some of our struggles斗争 are things we're born天生 to:
有些挣扎是先天的:
04:12
our gender性别, our sexuality性欲, our race种族, our disability失能.
我们的性别,性倾向,种族,残疾。
04:15
And some are things that happen发生 to us:
有些是后天发生的事情:
04:21
being存在 a political政治 prisoner囚犯, being存在 a rape强奸 victim受害者,
成为政治犯,成为强奸的受害者,
04:23
being存在 a Katrina卡特里娜 survivor幸存者.
成为飓风卡特里娜的幸存者。
04:27
Identity身分 involves涉及 entering进入 a community社区
身份意味着进入一个社群
04:29
to draw strength强度 from that community社区,
从社群中得到力量,
04:32
and to give strength强度 there too.
并同时给予那社群力量。
04:35
It involves涉及 substituting "and" for "but" --
这需要把“但是”转换成“而且”
04:37
not "I am here but I have cancer癌症,"
不是“我在这儿但是我有癌症”
04:42
but rather, "I have cancer癌症 and I am here."
而是,“我有癌症而且我在这里。”
04:46
When we're ashamed羞愧,
当我们对自己感到惭愧,
04:51
we can't tell our stories故事,
我们就无法阐述自己的故事,
04:53
and stories故事 are the foundation基础 of identity身分.
而故事是身份的基础。
04:55
Forge锻造 meaning含义, build建立 identity身分,
铸造意义,建立身份,
05:00
forge锻造 meaning含义 and build建立 identity身分.
铸造意义并建立身份,
05:04
That became成为 my mantra口头禅.
这变成了我的口头禅。
05:07
Forging锻造 meaning含义 is about changing改变 yourself你自己.
铸造意义所需要的是改变自己。
05:10
Building建造 identity身分 is about changing改变 the world世界.
建立身份所需要的是改变世界。
05:13
All of us with stigmatized污名化 identities身份
所有像我这样身份沾有污点的人
05:17
face面对 this question daily日常:
每天都必须面对这个问题:
05:19
how much to accommodate容纳 society社会
我该多大限度地通过禁锢自己
05:21
by constraining制约 ourselves我们自己,
来迁就社会
05:24
and how much to break打破 the limits范围
我该多大限度地打破所谓
05:26
of what constitutes构成 a valid有效 life?
正确生活的底线?
05:29
Forging锻造 meaning含义 and building建造 identity身分
铸造意义和建立身份
05:32
does not make what was wrong错误 right.
不会把错的变成对的。
05:35
It only makes品牌 what was wrong错误 precious珍贵.
只会把错误的变得珍贵。
05:38
In January一月 of this year,
今年一月,
05:43
I went to Myanmar缅甸 to interview访问 political政治 prisoners囚犯,
我前往缅甸访问政治囚犯,
05:45
and I was surprised诧异 to find them less bitter
而我惊讶地发现他们
05:49
than I'd anticipated预期.
没有我想象中的那么怀恨。
05:52
Most of them had knowingly有意识 committed提交
他们大多在知情的情况下
05:53
the offenses罪行 that landed登陆 them in prison监狱,
犯下了让他们入狱的罪行,
05:55
and they had walked in with their heads held保持 high,
而他们昂首挺胸地走入监狱,
05:58
and they walked out with their heads
多年后,他们依然昂首
06:01
still held保持 high, many许多 years年份 later后来.
地走出监狱。
06:03
Dr博士. Ma ThidaThida, a leading领导 human人的 rights权利 activist活动家
马提达博士,一位人活跃的权运动领袖
06:07
who had nearly几乎 died死亡 in prison监狱
曾经几乎丧命于狱中
06:10
and had spent花费 many许多 years年份 in solitary confinement坐月子,
并在单独禁锢中度过多年,
06:12
told me she was grateful感激 to her jailers狱卒
但她告诉我她很感谢她的囚监
06:15
for the time she had had to think,
给她思考的时间,
06:19
for the wisdom智慧 she had gained获得,
让她得到了许多的智慧,
06:21
for the chance机会 to hone磨练 her meditation冥想 skills技能.
和增进她的沉思的能力。
06:23
She had sought追捧 meaning含义
她追寻了意义,
06:27
and made制作 her travail阵痛 into a crucial关键 identity身分.
并把她受的难变成了重要的身份。
06:29
But if the people I met会见
但如果我见到的人们
06:33
were less bitter than I'd anticipated预期
没我想象的中那么怀恨
06:35
about being存在 in prison监狱,
他们在狱中的时间,
06:37
they were also less thrilled高兴 than I'd expected预期
他们也没有我想象的
06:38
about the reform改革 process处理 going on
对他们国家的政治改革
06:41
in their country国家.
那么高兴。
06:43
Ma ThidaThida said,
马提达说:
06:45
"We Burmese缅甸语 are noted注意
“我们缅甸人出了名的
06:47
for our tremendous巨大 grace恩典 under pressure压力,
在压力下能保持优雅,
06:48
but we also have grievance不平 under glamour魅力,"
但在华丽表象下却有不满,”
06:52
she said, "and the fact事实 that there have been
他说道,“我们曾经历
06:56
these shifts转变 and changes变化
这些动荡和改变
06:58
doesn't erase抹去 the continuing继续 problems问题
并不能消除我们
07:00
in our society社会
在狱中学会看清的
07:02
that we learned学到了 to see so well
社会中
07:04
while we were in prison监狱."
长久以来的问题。”
07:06
And I understood了解 her to be saying
而我所理解她所说的是
07:08
that concessions让步 confer授予 only a little humanity人性,
相比完整的人性所需要的,
07:10
where full充分 humanity人性 is due应有,
妥协换来的只是一小部分的人性
07:14
that crumbs are not the same相同
这就像面包屑并不等于
07:16
as a place地点 at the table,
饭桌前就餐的位置
07:18
which哪一个 is to say you can forge锻造 meaning含义
而这意味着你可以在铸造意义
07:20
and build建立 identity身分 and still be mad as hell地狱.
和寻求身份的同时十分气愤。
07:23
I've never been raped强奸,
我不曾被强奸,
07:29
and I've never been in anything
remotely远程 approaching接近
我也不曾体验过任何
07:31
a Burmese缅甸语 prison监狱,
接近缅甸监狱的事情,
07:34
but as a gay同性恋者 American美国,
但身为一名同性恋的美国人,
07:36
I've experienced有经验的 prejudice偏见 and even hatred,
我经历过歧视甚至仇恨,
07:37
and I've forged伪造的 meaning含义 and I've built内置 identity身分,
而我也曾铸造过意义和建造了身份,
07:42
which哪一个 is a move移动 I learned学到了 from people
这是我从经历过比我
07:46
who had experienced有经验的 far worse更差 privation困苦
更多困苦的人身上
07:48
than I've ever known已知.
学习到的法则。
07:51
In my own拥有 adolescence青春期,
我年少时,
07:53
I went to extreme极端 lengths长度 to try to be straight直行.
曾经千辛万苦地努力成为异性恋者。
07:55
I enrolled就读 myself in something called
我为自己报名参加了称为
07:59
sexual有性 surrogacy代孕 therapy治疗,
性替代品的疗法。
08:01
in which哪一个 people I was encouraged鼓励 to call doctors医生
所谓的医生为我
08:03
prescribed规定 what I was encouraged鼓励 to call exercises演习
和所谓替代品女人
08:07
with women妇女 I was encouraged鼓励 to call surrogates代理人,
规定了所谓的练习,
08:10
who were not exactly究竟 prostitutes妓女
她们并不是妓女,
08:14
but who were also not exactly究竟 anything else其他.
但除了妓女却也什么都不是。
08:17
(Laughter笑声)
(笑声)
08:20
My particular特定 favorite喜爱
我最喜爱的
08:24
was a blonde金发 woman女人 from the Deep South
是从南部来的一位金发女郎,
08:26
who eventually终于 admitted承认 to me
她最终向我坦白
08:28
that she was really a necrophiliac恋尸癖
她是个恋尸癖
08:30
and had taken采取 this job工作 after she got in trouble麻烦
在她在停尸房中出了事儿后,
08:32
down at the morgue停尸房.
才接受了这份工作。
08:35
(Laughter笑声)
(笑声)
08:37
These experiences经验 eventually终于 allowed允许 me to have
这些经历最终让我和一些女人
08:43
some happy快乐 physical物理 relationships关系 with women妇女,
发生了愉快的肉体关系,
08:46
for which哪一个 I'm grateful感激,
我对此抱有感激,
08:49
but I was at war战争 with myself,
但我也和自己不断的战斗,
08:50
and I dug terrible可怕 wounds伤口 into my own拥有 psyche精神.
我在自身的心灵里划下了了严重的伤。
08:53
We don't seek寻求 the painful痛苦 experiences经验
我们不寻求揉搓出我们身份
08:58
that hew our identities身份,
的那些惨痛经验
09:01
but we seek寻求 our identities身份
但我们在惨痛的经验之后,
09:04
in the wake唤醒 of painful痛苦 experiences经验.
却会追寻我们的身份。
09:06
We cannot不能 bear a pointless无意义 torment折磨,
我们不能承担无谓的痛苦,
09:09
but we can endure忍受 great pain疼痛
但如果我们认定它是有意义的,
09:12
if we believe that it's purposeful有目的的.
我们就能忍受巨大的痛苦。
09:14
Ease缓解 makes品牌 less of an impression印象 on us
安逸比起挣扎并不会对
09:18
than struggle斗争.
我们留下深刻的印象。
09:20
We could have been ourselves我们自己 without our delights美食,
没有了喜悦,我们还会是我们,
09:21
but not without the misfortunes不幸
但没有了促使我们追寻意义的不幸
09:24
that drive驾驶 our search搜索 for meaning含义.
我们就不是现今的自己。
09:26
"Therefore因此, I take pleasure乐趣 in infirmities软弱,"
“所以,我在不幸中得到快乐,”
09:29
St. Paul保罗 wrote in Second第二 Corinthians科林蒂安,
圣保罗在第二哥林多前书中写道,
09:33
"for when I am weak, then I am strong强大."
”当我软弱时,我是坚强的。“
09:35
In 1988, I went to Moscow莫斯科
1988年,我前往莫斯科
09:39
to interview访问 artists艺术家 of the Soviet苏联 underground地下,
采访苏联的地下艺术家,
09:42
and I expected预期 their work to be
我本以为他们的作品
09:46
dissident持不同政见 and political政治.
会是持不同意见的和政治性的。
09:47
But the radicalism激进主义 in their work actually其实 lay铺设
但是他们作品中的激进其实在
09:50
in reinserting重新插入 humanity人性 into a society社会
把人性重新注入
09:53
that was annihilating歼敌 humanity人性 itself本身,
在毁灭人性的社会中,
09:56
as, in some senses感官, Russian俄语 society社会
正如,在某程度上,
09:58
is now doing again.
现今的俄罗斯社会再一次在做的。
10:01
One of the artists艺术家 I met会见 said to me,
我遇到的其中一名艺术家对我说,
10:03
"We were in training训练 to be not artists艺术家 but angels天使."
"我们正在苦炼成为天使,而不是艺术家。”
10:05
In 1991, I went back to see the artists艺术家
1991年,我回到莫斯科拜访这些
10:10
I'd been writing写作 about,
我曾写过的艺术家,
10:13
and I was with them during the putsch政变
我和他们一起度过了,
10:14
that ended结束 the Soviet苏联 Union联盟,
终结苏联的政变,
10:16
and they were among其中 the chief首席 organizers组织者
而他们是抵抗政变
10:18
of the resistance抵抗性 to that putsch政变.
的主要组织者之一。
10:21
And on the third第三 day of the putsch政变,
在政变的第三天,
10:24
one of them suggested建议 we walk步行 up to Smolenskaya斯摩棱斯克.
他们其中的一员建议我们去斯莫兰卡雅(莫斯科地名)。
10:27
And we went there,
我们去了那里,
10:30
and we arranged安排 ourselves我们自己 in
front面前 of one of the barricades路障,
然后我们列好队站在一个街垒前,
10:31
and a little while later后来,
过了一会儿,
10:35
a column of tanks坦克 rolled热轧 up,
一列坦克车开来了,
10:36
and the soldier士兵 on the front面前 tank坦克 said,
最前方的坦克车士兵说,
10:39
"We have unconditional无条件的 orders命令
“我们有无条件的命令
10:41
to destroy破坏 this barricade.
要摧毁这个街垒。
10:43
If you get out of the way,
如果你们让开,
10:44
we don't need to hurt伤害 you,
我们不需伤害你们,
10:46
but if you won't惯于 move移动, we'll have no choice选择
但如果你们待在这儿,我们没办法
10:48
but to run you down."
只能压过你们。”
10:50
And the artists艺术家 I was with said,
和我在一起的艺术家们说,
10:51
"Give us just a minute分钟.
“给我们一分钟,
10:53
Give us just a minute分钟 to tell you why we're here."
给我们一分钟告诉你我们为什么在这里。”
10:54
And the soldier士兵 folded折叠 his arms武器,
那个士兵把双臂交叉在胸前,
10:59
and the artist艺术家 launched推出 into a
Jeffersonian杰斐逊 panegyric to democracy民主
那名艺术家开始以杰斐逊式的民主颂词,
11:01
such这样 as those of us who live生活
这是我们这些生活在
11:05
in a Jeffersonian杰斐逊 democracy民主
杰斐逊式的民主社会的人
11:07
would be hard-pressed捉襟见肘 to present当下.
也苦于表达的。
11:09
And they went on and on,
他们滔滔不绝地说着,
11:13
and the soldier士兵 watched看着,
而那名士兵看着他们,
11:14
and then he satSAT there for a full充分 minute分钟
知道他们说完了之后,
11:16
after they were finished
他坐在那里待了整整一分钟,
11:18
and looked看着 at us so bedraggled荒废 in the rain,
看着我们这群落汤鸡,
11:20
and said, "What you have said is true真正,
然后说,“你们说的是事实,
11:22
and we must必须 bow to the will of the people.
而我们必须听从民意。
11:26
If you'll你会 clear明确 enough足够 space空间 for us to turn around,
如果你们让出足够的位置让我们掉头,
11:30
we'll go back the way we came来了."
我们会原路返回。”
11:32
And that's what they did.
而他们果真这样做了。
11:35
Sometimes有时, forging锻造 meaning含义
有时,铸造意义
11:37
can give you the vocabulary词汇 you need
能给你所需要的辞藻
11:39
to fight斗争 for your ultimate最终 freedom自由.
来争取你最终的自由。
11:42
Russia俄国 awakened惊醒 me to the lemonade柠檬汽水 notion概念
俄罗斯让我意识到逆境求生的概念:
11:45
that oppression压迫 breeds品种 the power功率 to oppose反对 it,
剥削会繁衍抵抗剥削的力量,
11:48
and I gradually逐渐 understood了解 that as the cornerstone基石
而我逐渐明白了这是
11:51
of identity身分.
身份的基石。
11:54
It took identity身分 to rescue拯救 me from sadness.
身份从伤痛中拯救了我。
11:55
The gay同性恋者 rights权利 movement运动 posits的posits a world世界
同性恋权利运动憧憬一个
12:00
in which哪一个 my aberrancesaberrances are a victory胜利.
我的畸形是一种胜利。
12:02
Identity身分 politics政治 always works作品 on two fronts战线:
身份的政治总是从两方面出发:
12:05
to give pride自豪 to people who have a given特定 condition条件
给有特殊情况或特征的人
12:09
or characteristic特性,
应有的自豪;
12:12
and to cause原因 the outside world世界
和让外在的世界
12:13
to treat对待 such这样 people more gently平缓 and more kindly和蔼.
温柔地善待这些人。
12:15
Those are two totally完全 separate分离 enterprises企业,
这是两种不同的途径,
12:18
but progress进展 in each sphere领域
但不管哪个方面的进展
12:22
reverberates宛转 in the other.
都会在另一方面造成回响。
12:24
Identity身分 politics政治 can be narcissistic自恋.
身份的政治可以变成自恋的。
12:26
People extol称赏 a difference区别 only because it's theirs他们的.
人们称赞不同只是应为那是他们自身的。
12:30
People narrow狭窄 the world世界 and function功能
人们把世界窄化,
12:33
in discrete离散的 groups without empathy同情 for one another另一个.
形成个体,对他人毫无同情。
12:36
But properly正确 understood了解
但如果它得以正确的理解
12:39
and wisely明智 practiced,
和理智的运用,
12:41
identity身分 politics政治 should expand扩大
身份的政治应该
12:43
our idea理念 of what it is to be human人的.
扩充我们对人性的概念。
12:45
Identity身分 itself本身
身份自身
12:48
should be not a smug踌躇满志 label标签
不应是让人自满的标签
12:49
or a gold medal勋章
或是一枚金牌
12:52
but a revolution革命.
但应是一个革命。
12:54
I would have had an easier更轻松 life if I were straight直行,
如果我是异性恋,我的生活会轻松很多,
12:56
but I would not be me,
但我不会是我,
13:00
and I now like being存在 myself better
我现在比较喜欢做我自己
13:02
than the idea理念 of being存在 someone有人 else其他,
而不想成为另一个人,
13:04
someone有人 who, to be honest诚实,
说实话,
13:07
I have neither也不 the option选项 of being存在
我无法成为,
13:08
nor也不 the ability能力 fully充分 to imagine想像.
也无法想象其他人。
13:10
But if you banish放逐 the dragons小龙,
但如果你驱逐了恶龙,
13:13
you banish放逐 the heroes英雄,
你也同时驱逐了英雄,
13:15
and we become成为 attached
而我们无法放下
13:17
to the heroic英勇 strain应变 in our own拥有 lives生活.
我们生命中英雄的那一部分。
13:19
I've sometimes有时 wondered想知道
我有时候会问自己
13:22
whether是否 I could have ceased停止
to hate讨厌 that part部分 of myself
如果没有同性恋权益的色彩斑斓,
13:23
without gay同性恋者 pride's骄傲的 technicolor彩色印片法 fiesta节日,
(这个演讲就是其显像之一),
13:26
of which哪一个 this speech言语 is one manifestation表现.
我能否停止憎恨自己的那一部分。
13:29
I used to think I would know myself to be mature成熟
我曾经认为当我是同性恋者,
13:33
when I could simply只是 be gay同性恋者 without emphasis重点,
却不加宣扬时,我就成熟了,
13:36
but the self-loathing自我厌恶 of that period left a void空虚,
但那段时间的自厌留下了一个洞,
13:39
and celebration庆典 needs需求 to fill and overflow溢出 it,
需要靠庆祝来填满和倾注,
13:43
and even if I repay偿还 my private私人的 debt债务 of melancholy愁绪,
就算我还清了我自身的悲伤,
13:47
there's still an outer world世界 of homophobia同性恋
外在的同性恋恐惧症还是存在的
13:50
that it will take decades几十年 to address地址.
那需要几十年的时间来解决。
13:53
Someday日后, being存在 gay同性恋者 will be a simple简单 fact事实,
有一天,同性恋身份会是个简单的事实,
13:56
free自由 of party派对 hats帽子 and blame,
没有夸耀或指责,
13:59
but not yet然而.
但现在不是这样。
14:02
A friend朋友 of mine who thought gay同性恋者 pride自豪
我有个朋友,他认为
14:04
was getting得到 very carried携带的 away with itself本身,
同性恋权益忘乎所以,
14:06
once一旦 suggested建议 that we organize组织
他提议我们举行
14:08
Gay同性恋者 Humility谦逊 Week.
同性恋“谦卑”一周。
14:10
(Laughter笑声) (Applause掌声)
(笑声)(掌声)
14:12
It's a great idea理念,
这是个好主意,
14:18
but its time has not yet然而 come.
但它的时间未到。
14:21
(Laughter笑声)
(笑声)
14:23
And neutrality中立, which哪一个 seems似乎 to lie谎言
而中立,这似乎
14:25
halfway between之间 despair绝望 and celebration庆典,
在绝望和庆祝中间的东西,
14:27
is actually其实 the endgame结束游戏.
才是最终的目标。
14:30
In 29 states状态 in the U.S.,
在美国有29个州,
14:33
I could legally法律上 be fired解雇 or denied否认 housing住房
法律准许我因为同性恋身份,
14:36
for being存在 gay同性恋者.
而被开除或被拒之门外。
14:39
In Russia俄国, the anti-propaganda反宣传 law
在俄罗斯,反政治宣传法
14:41
has led to people being存在 beaten殴打 in the streets街道.
导致人们在大街上被殴打。
14:44
Twenty-seven二十七 African非洲人 countries国家
二十七个非洲国家
14:47
have passed通过 laws法律 against反对 sodomy鸡奸,
立法严禁肛交,
14:49
and in Nigeria尼日利亚, gay同性恋者 people can legally法律上
在尼日利亚,同性恋者
14:52
be stoned砸死 to death死亡,
可以合法地被处于石刑,
14:54
and lynchings私刑 have become成为 common共同.
私刑也最近变得越发常见
14:55
In Saudi沙特 Arabia阿拉伯 recently最近, two men男人
近日在沙特阿拉伯,两个被逮到
14:58
who had been caught抓住 in carnal肉体 acts行为,
在发生肉体关系的男人,
15:01
were sentenced判刑 to 7,000 lashes睫毛 each,
每人被判了7000下的鞭刑,
15:03
and are now permanently永久 disabled as a result结果.
而现在变得终身残疾。
15:08
So who can forge锻造 meaning含义
那谁能铸造意义
15:11
and build建立 identity身分?
和建立身份呢?
15:13
Gay同性恋者 rights权利 are not primarily主要 marriage婚姻 rights权利,
同性恋权益不主要是婚姻权益,
15:16
and for the millions百万 who live生活 in unacceptingunaccepting places地方
而对数以百万生活在不包容
15:19
with no resources资源,
和缺少资源地方的人们,
15:22
dignity尊严 remains遗迹 elusive难以捉摸.
尊严是可望而不可及的。
15:24
I am lucky幸运 to have forged伪造的 meaning含义
我很幸运,能够铸造意义
15:27
and built内置 identity身分,
和建造身份,
15:30
but that's still a rare罕见 privilege特权,
但这是少有的特权,
15:32
and gay同性恋者 people deserve值得 more collectively
同性恋者群体应得到的
15:34
than the crumbs of justice正义.
不只是一点点的正义。
15:37
And yet然而, every一切 step forward前锋
然而,每点进步
15:40
is so sweet.
都是甜蜜的。
15:43
In 2007, six years年份 after we met会见,
在2007年,在我和我的伴侣
15:45
my partner伙伴 and I decided决定
相识六年后,
15:49
to get married已婚.
我们决定结婚。
15:51
Meeting会议 John约翰 had been the discovery发现
遇见约翰让我找到了
15:53
of great happiness幸福
巨大的快乐,
15:55
and also the elimination消除 of great unhappiness不幸,
也去除了庞大的不快乐,
15:57
and sometimes有时, I was so occupied占据
有时候,我太在乎着
16:00
with the disappearance消失 of all that pain疼痛
痛苦的消失,
16:03
that I forgot忘记 about the joy喜悦,
而忘了喜悦,
16:05
which哪一个 was at first the less
remarkable卓越 part部分 of it to me.
它一开始并不是那么的起眼。
16:07
Marrying was a way to declare宣布 our love
婚姻是我们宣扬我们爱的存在
16:11
as more a presence存在 than an absence缺席.
而不是缺憾。
16:14
Marriage婚姻 soon不久 led us to children孩子,
婚姻很快把我们引导向孩子,
16:18
and that meant意味着 new meanings含义
而这意味着新的意义
16:20
and new identities身份, ours我们的 and theirs他们的.
和新的身份,我们的和他们的。
16:22
I want my children孩子 to be happy快乐,
我要我的孩子们开心,
16:26
and I love them most achingly心痛 when they are sad伤心.
在他们伤心时,我最疼他们。
16:29
As a gay同性恋者 father父亲, I can teach them
作为一名同性恋的父亲,我可以教导他们
16:33
to own拥有 what is wrong错误 in their lives生活,
去理解他们生命中的错误,
16:36
but I believe that if I succeed成功
但我相信如果我成功地
16:38
in sheltering庇护 them from adversity逆境,
让他们远离逆境,
16:40
I will have failed失败 as a parent.
那我身为父亲是失败的。
16:42
A Buddhist佛教徒 scholar学者 I know once一旦 explained解释 to me
我认识的一位佛教学者曾向我解释
16:45
that Westerners西方人 mistakenly think
西方人错误地认为
16:48
that nirvana is what arrives到达
涅磐降临在所有疾苦消逝
16:50
when all your woe荣辱与共 is behind背后 you
只剩下
16:53
and you have only bliss to look forward前锋 to.
幸福在眼前的时候。
16:55
But he said that would not be nirvana,
但他说这不是涅磐,
16:59
because your bliss in the present当下
因为你现今的幸福
17:01
would always be shadowed附有阴影 by the joy喜悦 from the past过去.
总会被以前的喜悦掩盖。
17:02
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive到达 at
以他来看,涅磐的降临,
17:06
when you have only bliss to look forward前锋 to
是当你眼前只有幸福,
17:09
and find in what looked看着 like sorrows悲伤
而在看起来像是悲伤里
17:11
the seedlings of your joy喜悦.
也能找到喜悦的种子。
17:14
And I sometimes有时 wonder奇迹
有时候我在想
17:17
whether是否 I could have found发现 such这样 fulfillment履行
如果婚姻和孩子
17:19
in marriage婚姻 and children孩子
来得更容易些,
17:21
if they'd他们会 come more readily容易,
我是否会找到这样的满足,
17:22
if I'd been straight直行 in my youth青年 or were young年轻 now,
而如果我年轻时是异性恋,或我还年轻,
17:24
in either of which哪一个 cases this might威力 be easier更轻松.
它们会让事情变得简单。
17:28
Perhaps也许 I could.
也许我会的。
17:32
Perhaps也许 all the complex复杂 imagining想象 I've doneDONE
也许我做过的所有的复杂事情
17:33
could have been applied应用的 to other topics主题.
都可以应用在其他的议题上。
17:36
But if seeking meaning含义
但如果寻求意义
17:38
matters事项 more than finding发现 meaning含义,
比找到意义更重要,
17:40
the question is not whether是否 I'd be happier幸福
那问题不是我是不是因为被欺负
17:41
for having been bullied欺负,
而更加快乐,
17:45
but whether是否 assigning分配 meaning含义
而是这些被赋予意义
17:46
to those experiences经验
的经历
17:48
has made制作 me a better father父亲.
是否让我成为更好的父亲。
17:50
I tend趋向 to find the ecstasy狂喜 hidden in ordinary普通 joys欢乐,
我常常发现在普通的快乐中躲藏的狂喜,
17:52
because I did not expect期望 those joys欢乐
因为我不认定这些快乐
17:56
to be ordinary普通 to me.
对我来说是普通的。
17:58
I know many许多 heterosexuals异性恋 who have
我认识许多异性恋者他们
18:01
equally一样 happy快乐 marriages婚姻 and families家庭,
有着同样快乐的婚姻和家庭,
18:02
but gay同性恋者 marriage婚姻 is so breathtakingly惊人的 fresh新鲜,
但同性婚姻是那么的让人赞叹的新鲜,
18:05
and gay同性恋者 families家庭 so exhilaratingly令人欣喜 new,
同性家庭是那么的令人振奋的新奇,
18:08
and I found发现 meaning含义 in that surprise.
而我在这惊喜中找到了意义。
18:11
In October十月, it was my 50th birthday生日,
10月是我的50岁生日,
18:15
and my family家庭 organized有组织的 a party派对 for me,
我的家人为我举办了派对,
18:19
and in the middle中间 of it,
在进行到一半时,
18:22
my son儿子 said to my husband丈夫
我的儿子对我的先生说
18:23
that he wanted to make a speech言语,
他想要演讲,
18:25
and John约翰 said,
约翰说,
18:26
"George乔治, you can't make a speech言语. You're four."
“乔治,你不能演讲,你才四岁。”
18:27
(Laughter笑声)
(笑声)
18:32
"Only Grandpa爷爷 and Uncle叔叔 David大卫 and I
“今晚只有爷爷和大卫叔叔
18:34
are going to make speeches演讲 tonight今晚."
和我要演讲。”
18:36
But George乔治 insisted坚持 and insisted坚持,
但是乔治一再的坚持,
18:38
and finally最后, John约翰 took him up to the microphone麦克风,
终于,约翰把他带到了麦克风前,
18:41
and George乔治 said very loudly高声,
然后乔治很大声的说,
18:44
"Ladies女士们 and gentlemen绅士,
“女士们先生们,
18:47
may可能 I have your attention注意 please."
请大家注意一下。”
18:49
And everyone大家 turned转身 around, startled.
大家都转过身来,惊呆了,
18:52
And George乔治 said,
乔治说道,
18:55
"I'm glad高兴 it's Daddy's爸爸的 birthday生日.
“我很高兴今天是爹爹的生日。
18:57
I'm glad高兴 we all get cake蛋糕.
我很高兴有蛋糕吃。
18:59
And daddy, if you were little,
还有,爹爹,如果你还是小孩,
19:02
I'd be your friend朋友."
我会做你的朋友。”
19:06
And I thought — Thank you.
而我想 ( 谢谢)
19:09
I thought that I was indebted感激的
我想我甚至对鲍比
19:12
even to Bobby鲍比 Finkel芬克尔,
都有亏欠,
19:15
because all those earlier experiences经验
应为所有这些先前的经历
19:16
were what had propelled推进的 me to this moment时刻,
把我带到了现在这一刻,
19:19
and I was finally最后 unconditionally无条件 grateful感激
而我终于无条件地感激
19:22
for a life I'd once一旦 have doneDONE anything to change更改.
这个我一度千方百计想要改变的人生
19:24
The gay同性恋者 activist活动家 Harvey哈维 Milk牛奶
一个年轻的同性恋男人
19:28
was once一旦 asked by a younger更年轻 gay同性恋者 man
曾问过同性恋运动人士哈维·米尔克
19:30
what he could do to help the movement运动,
他能为这个运动做点什么,
19:32
and Harvey哈维 Milk牛奶 said,
哈维·米尔克说,
19:35
"Go out and tell someone有人."
“出去告诉一个人。”
19:36
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate没收
世上总是有人
19:38
our humanity人性,
想要没收我们的人性
19:41
and there are always stories故事 that restore恢复 it.
但也总是有恢复人性的故事。
19:43
If we live生活 out loud,
如果我们活出精彩,
19:45
we can trounce打败 the hatred
我们就能战胜憎恨
19:47
and expand扩大 everyone's大家的 lives生活.
拓宽众人的生命。
19:49
Forge锻造 meaning含义. Build建立 identity身分.
铸造意义,建立身份
19:52
Forge锻造 meaning含义.
铸造意义,
19:56
Build建立 identity身分.
建立身份。
19:58
And then invite邀请 the world世界
然后邀请世界
20:01
to share分享 your joy喜悦.
共享你的喜悦。
20:02
Thank you.
谢谢。
20:04
(Applause掌声)
(掌声)
20:07
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
谢谢。(掌声)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
谢谢。(掌声)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause掌声)
谢谢。(掌声)
20:16
Translated by Yi Fei
Reviewed by Xiaoyang Wu

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About the speaker:

Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com