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Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

Endru Solomon (Andrew Solomon): Kako nas najteži trenuci u našim životima čine onim što jesmo

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Pisac Endru Solomon je proveo svoju karijeru pričajući priče o poteškoćama drugih. Sada se okreće sebi, vodeći nas u detinjstvo puno patnje, dok pripoveda o drugim hrabrim ljudima koje je od tada upoznao. U dirljivom, iskrenom i ponekad jednostavno smešnom govoru, Solomon pruža moćan poziv na delo, da se stvori smisao iz naših najvećih patnji.

- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

As a student of adversity,
Kao neko ko se zalaže za raznovrsnost,
00:12
I've been struck over the years
tokom godina me je pogađalo
00:16
by how some people
kako neki ljudi
00:17
with major challenges
sa velikim izazovima
00:19
seem to draw strength from them,
kao da iz njih vuku snagu,
00:21
and I've heard the popular wisdom
i čuo sam popularnu mudrost
00:24
that that has to do with finding meaning.
da to ima veze sa iznalaženjem smisla.
00:26
And for a long time,
Dugo vremena,
00:28
I thought the meaning was out there,
mislio sam da je smisao tamo,
00:30
some great truth waiting to be found.
neka velika istina koja čeka otkriće.
00:32
But over time, I've come to feel
Ali tokom vremena, shvatio sam
00:35
that the truth is irrelevant.
da je istina nebitna.
00:38
We call it finding meaning,
Mi to zovemo nalaženjem smisla
00:40
but we might better call it forging meaning.
ali je bolje da to zovemo
stvaranjem smisla.
00:42
My last book was about how families
Moja poslednja knjiga je bila o tome
00:47
manage to deal with various kinds of challenging
kako porodice uspevaju da se izbore
sa raznim vrstama
00:49
or unusual offspring,
zahtevnog ili neobičnog potomstva,
00:52
and one of the mothers I interviewed,
i jedna od majki koju sam intervjuisao,
00:54
who had two children with
multiple severe disabilities,
koja je imala dvoje dece sa višestrukim
i teškim invaliditetima,
00:56
said to me, "People always give us
rekla mi je: "Ljudi nam uvek daju
00:59
these little sayings like,
male izreke poput:
01:02
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle,'
'Bog nam ne daje više od onoga
sa čime možemo da se izborimo,'
01:03
but children like ours
ali deca poput naše
01:07
are not preordained as a gift.
nisu predodređena kao dar.
01:09
They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."
Ona su dar jer smo mi to odabrali."
01:13
We make those choices all our lives.
Te odabire pravimo celog života.
01:18
When I was in second grade,
Kada sam bio u drugom razredu,
01:22
Bobby Finkel had a birthday party
Bobi Finkl je imao rođendansku žurku
01:25
and invited everyone in our class but me.
i pozvao je sve u razredu osim mene.
01:27
My mother assumed there
had been some sort of error,
Moja majka je pretpostavila
da je u pitanju
01:32
and she called Mrs. Finkel,
neka greška, i pozvala je gđu Finkl
01:34
who said that Bobby didn't like me
koja je rekla
da se nisam sviđao Bobiju
01:36
and didn't want me at his party.
i da me nije želeo na žurci.
01:38
And that day, my mom took me to the zoo
Tog dana, majka me je odvela u zoo vrt
01:42
and out for a hot fudge sundae.
i na sladoled sa topljenom čokoladom.
01:45
When I was in seventh grade,
Kada sam bio u sedmom razredu,
01:48
one of the kids on my school bus
jedan klinac u busu za školu
01:49
nicknamed me "Percy"
mi je dao nadimak "Persa"
01:52
as a shorthand for my demeanor,
kao skraćenicu za moju pojavu,
01:54
and sometimes, he and his cohort
i on i njegova grupa bi ponekad
01:56
would chant that provocation
skandirali taj naziv
01:59
the entire school bus ride,
celom vožnjom do škole,
02:02
45 minutes up, 45 minutes back,
45 minuta do tamo i 45 nazad,
02:03
"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
"Persa! Persa! Persa! Persa!"
02:07
When I was in eighth grade,
Kada sam bio u osmom razredu,
02:12
our science teacher told us
naš profesor biologije nam je rekao
02:14
that all male homosexuals
da svi muškarci homoseksualci
02:16
develop fecal incontinence
dobijaju nemogućnost zadržavanja fekalija
02:18
because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.
zbog povreda nanešenih analnom sfinkteru.
02:20
And I graduated high school
Srednju školu sam završio
02:25
without ever going to the cafeteria,
a da nisam nikad otišao u menzu,
02:26
where I would have sat with the girls
gde bih seo sa devojčicama
02:29
and been laughed at for doing so,
i smejali bi mi se zbog toga,
02:31
or sat with the boys
ili bih seo s dečacima
02:33
and been laughed at for being a boy
i smejali bi mi se jer sam dečak
02:35
who should be sitting with the girls.
koji bi trebalo da sedi sa devojčicama.
02:37
I survived that childhood through a mix
To detinjstvo sam preživeo kroz mešavinu
02:39
of avoidance and endurance.
izbegavanja i izdržljivosti.
02:42
What I didn't know then,
Tada nisam znao,
02:45
and do know now,
a sada znam,
02:47
is that avoidance and endurance
da izbegavanje i izdržljivost
02:49
can be the entryway to forging meaning.
mogu da budu početak stvaranja smisla.
02:51
After you've forged meaning,
Nakon što ste smisao stvorili,
02:56
you need to incorporate that meaning
morate ga integrisati
02:58
into a new identity.
u novi identitet.
03:00
You need to take the traumas and make them part
Morate uzeti traume i načiniti ih delom
03:02
of who you've come to be,
toga što ste postali
03:06
and you need to fold the worst events of your life
i morate da oblikujete najgore
događaje u životu
03:08
into a narrative of triumph,
u priču o trijumfu,
03:11
evincing a better self
pokazujući boljeg sebe
03:13
in response to things that hurt.
kao odgovor na stvari koje bole.
03:15
One of the other mothers I interviewed
Jedna od majki koje sam intervjuisao
03:18
when I was working on my book
dok sam radio na svojoj knjizi
03:20
had been raped as an adolescent,
bila je silovana kao adolescentkinja
03:22
and had a child following that rape,
i nakon silovanja je dobila dete,
03:25
which had thrown away her career plans
što je uništilo sve njene
planove za karijeru
03:28
and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
i oštetilo sve njene emotivne veze.
03:31
But when I met her, she was 50,
Ali kada sam je upoznao,
imala je 50 godina,
03:35
and I said to her,
i pitao sam je:
03:38
"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
"Da li često misliš o čoveku
koji te je silovao?"
03:39
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
I ona je rekla: "O njemu sam
mislila s besom,
03:42
but now only with pity."
ali sada samo sa žaljenjem."
03:46
And I thought she meant pity because he was
Mislio sam da to kaže jer je on bio
03:48
so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
toliko necivilizovan
da uradi tu groznu stvar.
03:51
And I said, "Pity?"
I rekao sam: "Sa sažaljenjem?"
03:54
And she said, "Yes,
Ona je rekla: "Da,
03:56
because he has a beautiful daughter
jer ima predivnu ćerku
03:57
and two beautiful grandchildren
i dvoje predivnih unuka
04:00
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
i ne zna to, a ja znam.
04:02
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
Ispostavlja se da sam ja srećna."
04:06
Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
Sa nekim od naših borbi smo rođeni:
04:12
our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
naš pol, seksualnost, rasa, invaliditet.
04:15
And some are things that happen to us:
Neke su stvari koje nam se dese:
04:21
being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
to što ste politički zatvorenik,
žrtva silovanja,
04:23
being a Katrina survivor.
neko ko je preživeo Katrinu.
04:27
Identity involves entering a community
Identitet znači ulazak u zajednicu
04:29
to draw strength from that community,
kako biste iz nje izvukli snagu,
04:32
and to give strength there too.
i dali snagu.
04:35
It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
To znači menjanje "i" sa "ali" -
04:37
not "I am here but I have cancer,"
ne: "Ovde sam, ali imam rak",
04:42
but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
nego: "Imam rak i ovde sam".
04:46
When we're ashamed,
Kada se stidimo,
04:51
we can't tell our stories,
ne možemo da ispričamo naše priče,
04:53
and stories are the foundation of identity.
a priče su osnova identiteta.
04:55
Forge meaning, build identity,
Stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet,
05:00
forge meaning and build identity.
stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet.
05:04
That became my mantra.
To je postala moja mantra.
05:07
Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
Stvaranje smisla je menjanje sebe.
05:10
Building identity is about changing the world.
Građenje identiteta znači menjanje sveta.
05:13
All of us with stigmatized identities
Svi mi sa žigosanim identitetima
05:17
face this question daily:
se svaki dan suočavamo sa ovim pitanjem:
05:19
how much to accommodate society
koliko se prilagoditi društvu
05:21
by constraining ourselves,
kroz ograničavanje sebe,
05:24
and how much to break the limits
i koliko prekoračiti granice onoga
05:26
of what constitutes a valid life?
što podrazumeva opravdan život?
05:29
Forging meaning and building identity
Stvaranje značenja i građenje identiteta
05:32
does not make what was wrong right.
ne ispravlja pogrešno.
05:35
It only makes what was wrong precious.
Samo čini pogrešno neprocenjivim.
05:38
In January of this year,
U januaru ove godine,
05:43
I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
išao sam u Mjanmar da intervjuišem
političke zatvorenike,
05:45
and I was surprised to find them less bitter
i iznenadio sam se što su manje ogorčeni
05:49
than I'd anticipated.
nego što sam očekivao.
05:52
Most of them had knowingly committed
Većina njih je svesno počinila
05:53
the offenses that landed them in prison,
zločine koji su ih doveli u zatvor,
05:55
and they had walked in with their heads held high,
i ušetali su uzdignute glave,
05:58
and they walked out with their heads
i izašli su uzdignute glave
06:01
still held high, many years later.
mnogo godina kasnije.
06:03
Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist
Dr Ma Tida, vodeća aktivistkinja
za prava ljudi
06:07
who had nearly died in prison
koja je skoro umrla u zatvoru
06:10
and had spent many years in solitary confinement,
i provela puno godina u samici,
06:12
told me she was grateful to her jailers
rekla je da je bila zahvalna
svojim tamničarima
06:15
for the time she had had to think,
za vreme koje je imala da razmisli,
06:19
for the wisdom she had gained,
za mudrost koju je dobila,
06:21
for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
za priliku da usavrši
svoje veštine meditacije.
06:23
She had sought meaning
Tražila je smisao
06:27
and made her travail into a crucial identity.
i prošla kroz agoniju
do ključnog identiteta.
06:29
But if the people I met
Ali ako su ljudi koje sam susretao
06:33
were less bitter than I'd anticipated
bili manje ogorčeni
nego što sam očekivao
06:35
about being in prison,
u vezi sa boravkom u zatvoru,
06:37
they were also less thrilled than I'd expected
takođe su bili manje uzbuđeni
06:38
about the reform process going on
zbog procesa reformisanja
koji se dešavao
06:41
in their country.
u njihovoj zemlji.
06:43
Ma Thida said,
Ma Tida je rekla:
06:45
"We Burmese are noted
"Mi Burmanci smo čuveni
06:47
for our tremendous grace under pressure,
po velikoj gracioznosti pod pritiskom,
06:48
but we also have grievance under glamour,"
ali takođe nosimo žalost
ispod glamura,"
06:52
she said, "and the fact that there have been
rekla je, "i činjenica da su se desila
06:56
these shifts and changes
ova pomeranja i promene
06:58
doesn't erase the continuing problems
ne briše stalne probleme
07:00
in our society
u našem društvu
07:02
that we learned to see so well
na koje smo dobro navikli
07:04
while we were in prison."
tokom boravka u zatvoru."
07:06
And I understood her to be saying
Razumeo sam da je rekla
07:08
that concessions confer only a little humanity,
da ustupci daju samo malo humanosti,
07:10
where full humanity is due,
gde je potrebna potpuna humanost,
07:14
that crumbs are not the same
da mrvice nisu isto
07:16
as a place at the table,
što i mesto za stolom,
07:18
which is to say you can forge meaning
što znači da možete stvoriti smisao
07:20
and build identity and still be mad as hell.
i izgraditi identitet i opet biti
potpuno ludi.
07:23
I've never been raped,
Nikad me nisu silovali
07:29
and I've never been in anything
remotely approaching
i nikada nisam bio u bilo čemu
što je i blizu
07:31
a Burmese prison,
burmanskog zatvora,
07:34
but as a gay American,
ali kao gej Amerikanac,
07:36
I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,
iskusio sam predrasude i čak i mržnju,
07:37
and I've forged meaning and I've built identity,
i stvarao sam smisao i gradio identitet,
07:42
which is a move I learned from people
što je potez koji sam naučio od ljudi
07:46
who had experienced far worse privation
koji su iskusili daleko veću oskudicu
07:48
than I've ever known.
od onoga što sam ja proživeo.
07:51
In my own adolescence,
U mojoj ranoj mladosti,
07:53
I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.
išao sam do ekstrema da pokušam
da budem strejt.
07:55
I enrolled myself in something called
Upisao sam se na nešto što se zvalo
07:59
sexual surrogacy therapy,
seksualna terapija surogatom,
08:01
in which people I was encouraged to call doctors
gde su osobe koje je trebalo
da zovem doktorima
08:03
prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises
prepisivale ono što je trebalo
da zovem vežbama
08:07
with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,
sa ženama koje je trebalo
da zovem surogatima,
08:10
who were not exactly prostitutes
koje nisu zapravo bile prostituke,
08:14
but who were also not exactly anything else.
ali koje nisu zapravo bile ništa drugo.
08:17
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
08:20
My particular favorite
Moja omiljena je bila
08:24
was a blonde woman from the Deep South
plavuša sa dalekog juga
08:26
who eventually admitted to me
koja mi je na kraju priznala
08:28
that she was really a necrophiliac
da je zapravo bila nekrofil
08:30
and had taken this job after she got in trouble
i da je s tim poslom počela
nakon što je upala u nevolju
08:32
down at the morgue.
u mrtvačnici.
08:35
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
08:37
These experiences eventually allowed me to have
Ova iskustva su mi na kraju
dozvolila da imam
08:43
some happy physical relationships with women,
neke zdrave fizičke veze sa ženama,
08:46
for which I'm grateful,
za šta sam zahvalan,
08:49
but I was at war with myself,
ali sam bio u sukobu sa sobom,
08:50
and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
i napravio sam ogromne rane mojoj psihi.
08:53
We don't seek the painful experiences
Ne tražimo bolna iskustva
08:58
that hew our identities,
koja klešu naše identitete,
09:01
but we seek our identities
već tražimo svoje identitete
09:04
in the wake of painful experiences.
uprkos bolnim iskustvima.
09:06
We cannot bear a pointless torment,
Ne možemo trpeti besmislenu patnju,
09:09
but we can endure great pain
ali možemo izdržati velik bol
09:12
if we believe that it's purposeful.
ako verujemo da ima svrhu.
09:14
Ease makes less of an impression on us
Lakoća na nas ostavlja slabiji utisak
09:18
than struggle.
nego patnja.
09:20
We could have been ourselves without our delights,
Mogli smo biti mi
sa svim zadovoljstvima,
09:21
but not without the misfortunes
ali ne bez nesreća
09:24
that drive our search for meaning.
koje pokreću našu potragu za smislom.
09:26
"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"
"Stoga, nalazim zadovoljstvo
u slabostima", napisao je
09:29
St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,
Sveti Pavle u Drugoj
poslanici Korinćanima,
09:33
"for when I am weak, then I am strong."
"jer kada sam slab, onda sam jak."
09:35
In 1988, I went to Moscow
1988, otišao sam u Moskvu
09:39
to interview artists of the Soviet underground,
da bih intervjuisao umetnike
sovjetskog podzemlja
09:42
and I expected their work to be
i očekivao sam da njihova dela budu
09:46
dissident and political.
disidentska i politička.
09:47
But the radicalism in their work actually lay
Ali radikalizam u njihovim delima
zapravo je počivao
09:50
in reinserting humanity into a society
u ponovnom stavljanju humanosti
u društvo
09:53
that was annihilating humanity itself,
koje je uništavalo samu humanost,
09:56
as, in some senses, Russian society
kao što rusko društvo, u nekom smislu
09:58
is now doing again.
sada ponovo radi.
10:01
One of the artists I met said to me,
Jedan od umetnika koje sam sreo
mi je rekao:
10:03
"We were in training to be not artists but angels."
"Nisu nas obučavali
da budemo umetnici, već anđeli."
10:05
In 1991, I went back to see the artists
1991, vratio sam se da vidim umetnike
10:10
I'd been writing about,
o kojima sam pisao,
10:13
and I was with them during the putsch
i bio sam s njima tokom puča
10:14
that ended the Soviet Union,
koji je okončao Sovjetski savez,
10:16
and they were among the chief organizers
a oni su bili među glavnim organizatorima
10:18
of the resistance to that putsch.
otpora tom puču.
10:21
And on the third day of the putsch,
Trećeg dana puča, jedan od njih
10:24
one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.
je predložio da odemo do Smolenskaje.
10:27
And we went there,
I otišli smo tamo,
10:30
and we arranged ourselves in
front of one of the barricades,
i smestili smo se
ispred jedne od barikada,
10:31
and a little while later,
i nešto kasnije,
10:35
a column of tanks rolled up,
došao je niz tenkova,
10:36
and the soldier on the front tank said,
i vojnik u prvom tenku je rekao:
10:39
"We have unconditional orders
"Imamo bezuslovna naređenja
10:41
to destroy this barricade.
da uništimo ovu barikadu.
10:43
If you get out of the way,
Ako se sklonite sa puta,
10:44
we don't need to hurt you,
ne moramo da vas povredimo,
10:46
but if you won't move, we'll have no choice
ali ako se ne pomerite,
10:48
but to run you down."
nećemo imati izbora
osim da vas pregazimo."
10:50
And the artists I was with said,
Umetnici sa kojima sam bio su rekli:
10:51
"Give us just a minute.
"Dajte nam samo minut.
10:53
Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."
Samo minut da vam kažemo
zašto smo ovde."
10:54
And the soldier folded his arms,
Vojnik je sklopio ruke,
10:59
and the artist launched into a
Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy
a umetnik je krenuo
u džefersonsku pohvalu demokratiji
11:01
such as those of us who live
kakvu bi mi koji živimo
11:05
in a Jeffersonian democracy
u džeferskonskoj demokratiji
11:07
would be hard-pressed to present.
teško izneli.
11:09
And they went on and on,
I pričali su i pričali,
11:13
and the soldier watched,
i vojnik je posmatrao,
11:14
and then he sat there for a full minute
onda je stajao tu ceo minut
11:16
after they were finished
nakon što su završili
11:18
and looked at us so bedraggled in the rain,
i pogledao nas je, tako jadne na kiši
11:20
and said, "What you have said is true,
i rekao: "To što ste rekli je istina,
11:22
and we must bow to the will of the people.
i moramo se povinovati volji naroda.
11:26
If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,
Ako oslobodite dovoljno prostora
da se okrenemo,
11:30
we'll go back the way we came."
vratićemo se tamo
odakle smo došli."
11:32
And that's what they did.
I to su i uradili.
11:35
Sometimes, forging meaning
Ponekad, stvaranje smisla
11:37
can give you the vocabulary you need
može da vam pruži potreban rečnik
11:39
to fight for your ultimate freedom.
da se borite za krajnju slobodu.
11:42
Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion
Rusija me je osvestila
od ružičastog uverenja
11:45
that oppression breeds the power to oppose it,
da ugnjetavanje gaji snagu
koja mu se suprotstavlja,
11:48
and I gradually understood that as the cornerstone
i postepeno sam to shvatio
kao okosnicu
11:51
of identity.
identiteta.
11:54
It took identity to rescue me from sadness.
Bio je potreban identitet
da me spasi od tuge.
11:55
The gay rights movement posits a world
Pokret gej prava pretpostavlja svet
12:00
in which my aberrances are a victory.
u kom su moje devijantnosti pobeda.
12:02
Identity politics always works on two fronts:
Politika identiteta uvek funkcioniše
na dva fronta:
12:05
to give pride to people who have a given condition
da da ponos ljudima
kojima je dat problem
12:09
or characteristic,
ili karakteristika,
12:12
and to cause the outside world
i da uzrokuje da spoljni svet
12:13
to treat such people more gently and more kindly.
tretira te ljude sa više nežnosti.
12:15
Those are two totally separate enterprises,
To su dva potpuno odvojena domena,
12:18
but progress in each sphere
ali napredak na svakom polju
12:22
reverberates in the other.
odjekuje na onom drugom.
12:24
Identity politics can be narcissistic.
Politika identiteta može biti narcisoidna.
12:26
People extol a difference only because it's theirs.
Ljudi veličaju razliku
samo zato što je njihova.
12:30
People narrow the world and function
Ljudi sužavaju svet i funkcionišu
12:33
in discrete groups without empathy for one another.
u diskretnim grupama bez saosećanja
jedni za druge.
12:36
But properly understood
Ali ako se razume kako treba
12:39
and wisely practiced,
i upražnjava na mudar način,
12:41
identity politics should expand
politika identiteta bi trebalo da proširi
12:43
our idea of what it is to be human.
naš pojam toga šta znači biti čovek.
12:45
Identity itself
Sam identitet
12:48
should be not a smug label
ne treba da bude uobražena etiketa
12:49
or a gold medal
ili zlatna medalja,
12:52
but a revolution.
već revolucija.
12:54
I would have had an easier life if I were straight,
Imao bih lakši život da sam bio strejt,
12:56
but I would not be me,
ali ne bih bio ja,
13:00
and I now like being myself better
i sada se više sviđam sebi
13:02
than the idea of being someone else,
nego ideja da budem neko drugi,
13:04
someone who, to be honest,
neko za koga, da budem iskren,
13:07
I have neither the option of being
nemam mogućnost da budem,
13:08
nor the ability fully to imagine.
niti sposobnost da ga potpuno zamislim.
13:10
But if you banish the dragons,
Ali ako proterate zmajeve
13:13
you banish the heroes,
proterujete i heroje,
13:15
and we become attached
i postajemo vezani
13:17
to the heroic strain in our own lives.
za ono herojsko u našim životima.
13:19
I've sometimes wondered
Ponekad sam se pitao
13:22
whether I could have ceased
to hate that part of myself
da li sam mogao da prestanem
da mrzim taj deo sebe
13:23
without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,
bez drečave pompe gej ponosa,
13:26
of which this speech is one manifestation.
čija je jedna manifestacija i ovaj govor.
13:29
I used to think I would know myself to be mature
Mislio sam da ću znati da budem zreo
13:33
when I could simply be gay without emphasis,
kada sam jednostavno mogao
da budem gej bez naglašavanja,
13:36
but the self-loathing of that period left a void,
ali samoprezir tog perioda
je ostavio prazninu
13:39
and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,
i slavljenje mora da je napuni i prelije,
13:43
and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,
i čak i kada otplatim
svoj lični dug melanholije,
13:47
there's still an outer world of homophobia
još uvek postoji spoljni svet homofobije
13:50
that it will take decades to address.
za čije rešavanje
će biti potrebne decenije.
13:53
Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,
Jednog dana, biti gej
će biti jednostavna činjenica,
13:56
free of party hats and blame,
bez obeležja i okrivljavanja,
13:59
but not yet.
ali još uvek ne.
14:02
A friend of mine who thought gay pride
Moj prijatelj koji je mislio
da se gej ponos
14:04
was getting very carried away with itself,
veoma zanosi sobom,
14:06
once suggested that we organize
jednom je predložio da organizujemo
14:08
Gay Humility Week.
Nedelju gej poniznosti.
14:10
(Laughter) (Applause)
(Smeh)
(Aplauz)
14:12
It's a great idea,
To je sjajna ideja,
14:18
but its time has not yet come.
ali još nije vreme za nju.
14:21
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
14:23
And neutrality, which seems to lie
Neutralnost, koja se čini da leži
14:25
halfway between despair and celebration,
na pola puta između očajanja i slavljenja,
14:27
is actually the endgame.
je zapravo poslednja runda.
14:30
In 29 states in the U.S.,
U 29 država u SAD,
14:33
I could legally be fired or denied housing
legalno bi mogli da me otpuste
ili da mi odbiju boravak
14:36
for being gay.
zato što sam gej.
14:39
In Russia, the anti-propaganda law
U Rusiji, zakon protiv propagande
14:41
has led to people being beaten in the streets.
je doveo do toga da ljude tuku na ulici.
14:44
Twenty-seven African countries
27 zemalja u Africi je izglasalo
14:47
have passed laws against sodomy,
zakone protiv sodomije,
14:49
and in Nigeria, gay people can legally
a u Nigeriji, gej ljude legalno
14:52
be stoned to death,
mogu kamenovati do smrti,
14:54
and lynchings have become common.
a linčovanje je postalo svakodnevnica.
14:55
In Saudi Arabia recently, two men
U Saudijskoj Arabiji, dva muškarca
koja su skoro
14:58
who had been caught in carnal acts,
uhvaćena u telesnom činu,
15:01
were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,
kažnjena su sa 7000 bičevanja svaki,
15:03
and are now permanently disabled as a result.
i sada su invalidi kao posledica toga.
15:08
So who can forge meaning
Ko onda može da stvori smisao
15:11
and build identity?
i izgradi identitet?
15:13
Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,
Gej prava nisu prvenstveno
prava na brak,
15:16
and for the millions who live in unaccepting places
i za milione koji žive
na neprihvatljivim mestima,
15:19
with no resources,
bez resursa,
15:22
dignity remains elusive.
dostojanstvo je nedostižno.
15:24
I am lucky to have forged meaning
Ja sam imao sreću da stvorim smisao
15:27
and built identity,
i izgradim identitet,
15:30
but that's still a rare privilege,
ali to je još uvek retka privilegija,
15:32
and gay people deserve more collectively
i gej ljudi kao zajednica zaslužuju
15:34
than the crumbs of justice.
više od mrvica pravde.
15:37
And yet, every step forward
Ipak, svaki korak unapred
15:40
is so sweet.
je tako sladak.
15:43
In 2007, six years after we met,
2007, šest godina nakon
što smo se sreli,
15:45
my partner and I decided
moj partner i ja smo odlučili
15:49
to get married.
da stupimo u brak.
15:51
Meeting John had been the discovery
Upoznavanje sa Džonom je bilo otkriće
15:53
of great happiness
velike sreće
15:55
and also the elimination of great unhappiness,
i eliminacija velike nesreće,
15:57
and sometimes, I was so occupied
i ponekad sam bio toliko zauzet
16:00
with the disappearance of all that pain
nestajanjem svog tog bola
16:03
that I forgot about the joy,
da sam zaboravio na radost,
16:05
which was at first the less
remarkable part of it to me.
koja je isprva za mene bila
manje izuzetna.
16:07
Marrying was a way to declare our love
Brak je bio način
da izjavimo svoju ljubav
16:11
as more a presence than an absence.
više kao prisustvo nego odsustvo.
16:14
Marriage soon led us to children,
Brak je uskoro doveo do dece,
16:18
and that meant new meanings
i to je dalo nova značenja
16:20
and new identities, ours and theirs.
i nove identitete, njihove i naše.
16:22
I want my children to be happy,
Želim da moja deca budu srećna,
16:26
and I love them most achingly when they are sad.
i volim ih najbolnije kada su tužna.
16:29
As a gay father, I can teach them
Kao gej otac, mogu da ih naučim
16:33
to own what is wrong in their lives,
da poseduju ono pogrešno
u njihovim životima,
16:36
but I believe that if I succeed
ali verujem da ako bih uspeo
16:38
in sheltering them from adversity,
da ih zaklonim od različitosti,
16:40
I will have failed as a parent.
podbacio bih kao roditelj.
16:42
A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me
Budistički učenjak kojeg sam poznavao
objasnio mi je
16:45
that Westerners mistakenly think
da Zapadnjaci greše kada misle
16:48
that nirvana is what arrives
da je nirvana ono što dolazi
16:50
when all your woe is behind you
kada je sav naš bol iza nas
16:53
and you have only bliss to look forward to.
i možete da se radujete samo blaženstvu.
16:55
But he said that would not be nirvana,
Ali rekao je da to ne bi bila nirvana
16:59
because your bliss in the present
jer bi tvoja sadašnja blaženost
17:01
would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.
uvek bila zaklonjena
radošću iz prošlosti.
17:02
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at
Rekao je da je nirvana
ono do čega dolaziš
17:06
when you have only bliss to look forward to
kada konačno imaš samo blaženstvo
kome se raduješ
17:09
and find in what looked like sorrows
i kada u onome što je izgledalo kao tuga
17:11
the seedlings of your joy.
nalaziš seme radosti.
17:14
And I sometimes wonder
Ponekad se pitam
17:17
whether I could have found such fulfillment
da li bih našao toliku ispunjenost
17:19
in marriage and children
u braku i deci
17:21
if they'd come more readily,
da su oni naišli spremnije,
17:22
if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,
da sam bio strejt u svojoj mladosti
ili da sam sada mlad,
17:24
in either of which cases this might be easier.
a ovo bi bilo lakše u oba slučaja.
17:28
Perhaps I could.
Možda bih mogao.
17:32
Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done
Možda bi kompleksno maštanje
kojim sam se bavio
17:33
could have been applied to other topics.
moglo da se primeni na druge teme.
17:36
But if seeking meaning
Ali ako je traženje smisla
17:38
matters more than finding meaning,
bitnije od pronalaženja smisla,
17:40
the question is not whether I'd be happier
pitanje nije da li bih bio srećniji
17:41
for having been bullied,
što su me maltretirali,
17:45
but whether assigning meaning
već da li je davanje značenja
17:46
to those experiences
tim iskustvima
17:48
has made me a better father.
od mene načinilo boljeg oca.
17:50
I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,
Pronalazim sreću sakrivenu
u običnim radostima,
17:52
because I did not expect those joys
jer nisam očekivao da te radosti
17:56
to be ordinary to me.
za mene budu obične.
17:58
I know many heterosexuals who have
Znam mnogo heteroseksualaca
18:01
equally happy marriages and families,
koji imaju jednako srećne
brakove i porodice,
18:02
but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,
ali gej brakovi su toliko
zapanjujuće sveži
18:05
and gay families so exhilaratingly new,
a gej porodice toliko uzbudljivo nove,
18:08
and I found meaning in that surprise.
i našao sam smisao u tom iznenađenju.
18:11
In October, it was my 50th birthday,
U oktobru je bio moj 50. rođendan,
18:15
and my family organized a party for me,
i moja porodica mi je organizovala žurku
18:19
and in the middle of it,
i u sred te žurke,
18:22
my son said to my husband
moj sin je rekao mom suprugu
18:23
that he wanted to make a speech,
da je želeo da održi govor,
18:25
and John said,
a Džon je rekao:
18:26
"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."
"Džordž, ne možeš da održiš govor.
Imaš četiri godine."
18:27
(Laughter)
(Smeh)
18:32
"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I
"Samo deka i ujka Dejvid i ja
18:34
are going to make speeches tonight."
ćemo večeras držati govor."
18:36
But George insisted and insisted,
Ali Džordž je insistirao,
18:38
and finally, John took him up to the microphone,
i konačno, Džon ga je doveo do mikrofona,
18:41
and George said very loudly,
i Džordž je rekao veoma glasno:
18:44
"Ladies and gentlemen,
"Dame i gospodo,
18:47
may I have your attention please."
moliću vas za pažnju."
18:49
And everyone turned around, startled.
I svi su se okrenuli, iznenađeni.
18:52
And George said,
I Džordž je rekao:
18:55
"I'm glad it's Daddy's birthday.
"Drago mi je da je tatin rođendan.
18:57
I'm glad we all get cake.
Drago mi je da svi dobijamo tortu.
18:59
And daddy, if you were little,
I tata, kada bi ti bio mali,
19:02
I'd be your friend."
bio bih tvoj prijatelj."
19:06
And I thought — Thank you.
I pomislio sam - hvala vam.
19:09
I thought that I was indebted
Pomislio sam da dugujem
19:12
even to Bobby Finkel,
čak i Bobiju Finklu
19:15
because all those earlier experiences
jer su sva ta ranija iskustva
19:16
were what had propelled me to this moment,
bila to što me je poguralo
do ovog trenutka,
19:19
and I was finally unconditionally grateful
i konačno sam bio bezuslovno zahvalan
19:22
for a life I'd once have done anything to change.
za život za koji bih nekad dao sve
da mogu da ga promenim.
19:24
The gay activist Harvey Milk
Gej aktivistu Harvija Milka
19:28
was once asked by a younger gay man
je jednom pitao mlađi čovek,
19:30
what he could do to help the movement,
šta bi mogao da uradi da pomogne pokretu,
19:32
and Harvey Milk said,
i Harvi Milk je rekao:
19:35
"Go out and tell someone."
"Idi i reci nekome."
19:36
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate
Uvek je postojao neko
ko želi da konfiskuje
19:38
our humanity,
našu humanost,
19:41
and there are always stories that restore it.
i uvek postoje priče koje je vraćaju.
19:43
If we live out loud,
Ako živimo punim plućima,
19:45
we can trounce the hatred
možemo izbiti mržnju
19:47
and expand everyone's lives.
i proširiti svačije živote.
19:49
Forge meaning. Build identity.
Stvarajte smisao. Gradite identitet.
19:52
Forge meaning.
Stvarajte smisao.
19:56
Build identity.
Gradite identitet.
19:58
And then invite the world
I onda pozovite svet
20:01
to share your joy.
da deli radost sa vama.
20:02
Thank you.
Hvala vam.
20:04
(Applause)
(Aplauz)
20:07
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam.
(Aplauz)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam.
(Aplauz)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause)
Hvala vam.
(Aplauz)
20:16
Translated by Mile Živković
Reviewed by Ivana Korom

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About the speaker:

Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


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