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TED2014

Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are

安德魯.索羅門: 生命中的難關如何造就我們

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作家安德魯.索羅門以撰寫他人的苦難故事為業。現在他講述自己兒時所經歷的掙扎,同時也分享他後來遇見的勇敢人們的故事。在這場真摯感人卻不失幽默的演講中,索羅門呼籲大家應該要付諸行動,為人生最大的挑戰鑄造意義。

- Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology. Full bio

As a student學生 of adversity逆境,
總在逆境中學習的我,
00:12
I've been struck來襲 over the years年份
過去幾年來
00:16
by how some people
看到有些人
00:17
with major重大的 challenges挑戰
在面對極大的挑戰時
00:19
seem似乎 to draw strength強度 from them,
卻能越挫越勇而感到很訝異。
00:21
and I've heard聽說 the popular流行 wisdom智慧
我也常聽到有人說
00:24
that that has to do with finding發現 meaning含義.
這跟找尋意義有關。
00:26
And for a long time,
很久以來,
00:28
I thought the meaning含義 was out there,
我以為「意義」存在著,
00:30
some great truth真相 waiting等候 to be found發現.
就像某個待人尋找的真相。
00:32
But over time, I've come to feel
但經過一段時間,
00:35
that the truth真相 is irrelevant不相干.
我開始覺得真相並不重要。
00:38
We call it finding發現 meaning含義,
我們稱之為找尋意義,
00:40
but we might威力 better call it forging鍛造 meaning含義.
或許應該說是鑄造意義才對。
00:42
My last book was about how families家庭
我的新書是關於
00:47
manage管理 to deal合同 with various各個 kinds of challenging具有挑戰性的
家庭如何應對各種挑戰
00:49
or unusual異常 offspring子孫,
或是子女異於常人。
00:52
and one of the mothers母親 I interviewed採訪,
我訪談的其中一位母親,
00:54
who had two children孩子 with
multiple severe嚴重 disabilities殘疾人,
兩個孩子都有多重嚴重身障,
00:56
said to me, "People always give us
她告訴我:「很多人都會告訴我們
00:59
these little sayings語錄 like,
一些俗語像是
01:02
'God doesn't give you any
more than you can handle處理,'
『上帝絕不會給你超過你能負荷的試煉。』
01:03
but children孩子 like ours我們的
但像我們家的孩子,
01:07
are not preordained注定 as a gift禮品.
卻不註定是禮物。
01:09
They're a gift禮品 because that's what we have chosen選擇."
他們之所以為禮物,
只因是我們所選擇的。」
01:13
We make those choices選擇 all our lives生活.
我們一生都在做這種決定。
01:18
When I was in second第二 grade年級,
當我國小二年級時,
01:22
Bobby鮑比 Finkel芬克爾 had a birthday生日 party派對
巴比.芬可辦了個慶生會,
01:25
and invited邀請 everyone大家 in our class but me.
並邀請全班參加,除了我以外。
01:27
My mother母親 assumed假定 there
had been some sort分類 of error錯誤,
我媽以為或許是哪裡弄錯,
01:32
and she called Mrs太太. Finkel芬克爾,
所以打給芬可的媽媽。
01:34
who said that Bobby鮑比 didn't like me
她卻告訴我母親,巴比不喜歡我,
01:36
and didn't want me at his party派對.
所以不要我參加他的慶生會。
01:38
And that day, my mom媽媽 took me to the zoo動物園
當天,我媽帶我到動物園,
01:42
and out for a hot fudge做傻事 sundae聖代.
還買了個熔岩巧克力聖代給我。
01:45
When I was in seventh第七 grade年級,
我國一時,
01:48
one of the kids孩子 on my school學校 bus總線
校車上有位同學
01:49
nicknamed綽號 me "Percy珀西"
替我取了綽號「波西」
01:52
as a shorthand速記 for my demeanor風度,
來取笑我的言行舉止。
01:54
and sometimes有時, he and his cohort隊列
有時候,他和同夥
01:56
would chant that provocation挑釁
會不斷覆頌這詞。
01:59
the entire整個 school學校 bus總線 ride,
整段來回學校的公車上,
02:02
45 minutes分鐘 up, 45 minutes分鐘 back,
45 分鐘上學、45 分鐘放學的路上,
02:03
"Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西! Percy珀西!"
不斷喊:「波西!波西!波西!」
02:07
When I was in eighth第八 grade年級,
我國二時,
02:12
our science科學 teacher老師 told us
科學課的老師說
02:14
that all male homosexuals同性戀者
所有男同性戀
02:16
develop發展 fecal糞便 incontinence失禁
都會大便失禁,
02:18
because of the trauma外傷 to their anal肛門 sphincter括約肌.
因為肛門括約肌的損傷。
02:20
And I graduated畢業 high school學校
我高中畢業以前
02:25
without ever going to the cafeteria自助餐館,
從沒去過學校餐廳,
02:26
where I would have satSAT with the girls女孩
因為如果去了,
我也會跟女生坐在一起,
02:29
and been laughed笑了 at for doing so,
然後因此被取笑;
02:31
or satSAT with the boys男孩
或是與男生坐一起,
02:33
and been laughed笑了 at for being存在 a boy男孩
然後被取笑
02:35
who should be sitting坐在 with the girls女孩.
我是個該跟女生坐一塊的男孩子。
02:37
I survived倖存 that childhood童年 through通過 a mix混合
我之所以安然度過童年,
02:39
of avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力.
都是透過逃避跟忍受。
02:42
What I didn't know then,
我當時並不知道,
02:45
and do know now,
而現在已經知道的是,
02:47
is that avoidance躲避 and endurance耐力
逃避和忍受
02:49
can be the entryway入口 to forging鍛造 meaning含義.
會是鑄造意義的起點。
02:51
After you've forged偽造的 meaning含義,
在你鑄造意義之後,
02:56
you need to incorporate合併 that meaning含義
需要將這意義
02:58
into a new identity身分.
融入到新的身分中。
03:00
You need to take the traumas創傷 and make them part部分
你需要讓經歷過的創傷
03:02
of who you've come to be,
成為自己的一部分,
03:06
and you need to fold the worst最差 events事件 of your life
並將人生中經歷過的最糟事件
03:08
into a narrative敘述 of triumph勝利,
化為勝利的故事,
03:11
evincing表明放棄 a better self
成為更好的自己,
03:13
in response響應 to things that hurt傷害.
以回應那些曾傷害你的事。
03:15
One of the other mothers母親 I interviewed採訪
我寫書時所訪談過的
03:18
when I was working加工 on my book
其中一位母親
03:20
had been raped強姦 as an adolescent青少年,
在青少年時期曾被強暴,
03:22
and had a child兒童 following以下 that rape強姦,
還因此懷孕生子,
03:25
which哪一個 had thrown拋出 away her career事業 plans計劃
讓她必須從此拋棄原有的事業計劃,
03:28
and damaged破損 all of her emotional情緒化 relationships關係.
且重創了她所有的感情關係。
03:31
But when I met會見 her, she was 50,
當我認識她時,她 50 歲,
03:35
and I said to her,
我告訴她:
03:38
"Do you often經常 think about the man who raped強姦 you?"
「妳會時常想起強暴妳的那個人嗎?」
03:39
And she said, "I used to think about him with anger憤怒,
她回答:「我以前想到他會滿腔怒火,
03:42
but now only with pity可憐."
但現在只會可憐他。」
03:46
And I thought she meant意味著 pity可憐 because he was
我本想,她說的可憐是覺得
03:48
so unevolved未演化 as to have doneDONE this terrible可怕 thing.
強暴犯野蠻到會做出這種事。
03:51
And I said, "Pity可憐?"
我問:「可憐?」
03:54
And she said, "Yes,
她說:「是啊,
03:56
because he has a beautiful美麗 daughter女兒
因為他有這麼漂亮的女兒,
03:57
and two beautiful美麗 grandchildren孫子
以及兩位可愛的小孫子,
04:00
and he doesn't know that, and I do.
卻一點都不知道,而我知道。
04:02
So as it turns out, I'm the lucky幸運 one."
所以我其實才是幸運的那一個。」
04:06
Some of our struggles鬥爭 are things we're born天生 to:
我們面臨到的有些掙扎是天生的:
04:12
our gender性別, our sexuality性慾, our race種族, our disability失能.
性別、性向、種族、殘疾。
04:15
And some are things that happen發生 to us:
有些則是後天的:
04:21
being存在 a political政治 prisoner囚犯, being存在 a rape強姦 victim受害者,
政治犯、性侵被害者、
04:23
being存在 a Katrina卡特里娜 survivor倖存者.
卡崔娜颶風生還者。
04:27
Identity身分 involves涉及 entering進入 a community社區
建立身分需要進到一個社群,
04:29
to draw strength強度 from that community社區,
從那社群中找尋力量,
04:32
and to give strength強度 there too.
並給予社群力量。
04:35
It involves涉及 substituting "and" for "but" --
需要用「而且」代替「但是」,
04:37
not "I am here but I have cancer癌症,"
不要說:「我還活著,但我患有癌症。」
04:42
but rather, "I have cancer癌症 and I am here."
而是說:「我患有癌症,而我還活著。」
04:46
When we're ashamed羞愧,
當我們羞愧的時候,
04:51
we can't tell our stories故事,
我們就無法述說自己的故事,
04:53
and stories故事 are the foundation基礎 of identity身分.
而這些故事正是身分的基礎。
04:55
Forge鍛造 meaning含義, build建立 identity身分,
鑄造意義、建立身分;
05:00
forge鍛造 meaning含義 and build建立 identity身分.
鑄造意義、建立身分。
05:04
That became成為 my mantra口頭禪.
這變成了我的咒語。
05:07
Forging鍛造 meaning含義 is about changing改變 yourself你自己.
鑄造意義是關於改變自己;
05:10
Building建造 identity身分 is about changing改變 the world世界.
建立身分是關於改變世界。
05:13
All of us with stigmatized污名化 identities身份
身分被汙名化的所有人
05:17
face面對 this question daily日常:
每天都面對這個問題:
05:19
how much to accommodate容納 society社會
為了融入社會
05:21
by constraining制約 ourselves我們自己,
要限制自己多少?
05:24
and how much to break打破 the limits範圍
要打破多少限制
05:26
of what constitutes構成 a valid有效 life?
才能活出一個真正的人生?
05:29
Forging鍛造 meaning含義 and building建造 identity身分
鑄造意義和建立身分
05:32
does not make what was wrong錯誤 right.
並不會顛倒是非,
05:35
It only makes品牌 what was wrong錯誤 precious珍貴.
只會讓錯變得更寶貴。
05:38
In January一月 of this year,
今年一月
05:43
I went to Myanmar緬甸 to interview訪問 political政治 prisoners囚犯,
我到緬甸訪問政治犯。
05:45
and I was surprised詫異 to find them less bitter
我感到意外的是,
05:49
than I'd anticipated預期.
他們比我想像中的還怡然自得。
05:52
Most of them had knowingly有意識 committed提交
大部分的政治犯
明知道他們所犯下的罪
05:53
the offenses罪行 that landed登陸 them in prison監獄,
會讓他們進監獄,
05:55
and they had walked in with their heads held保持 high,
但仍昂首地走進獄中,
05:58
and they walked out with their heads
多年後同樣
06:01
still held保持 high, many許多 years年份 later後來.
昂首地走出來。
06:03
Dr博士. Ma ThidaThida, a leading領導 human人的 rights權利 activist活動家
馬蒂妲醫生是人權積極分子,
06:07
who had nearly幾乎 died死亡 in prison監獄
她差點死在監獄中,
06:10
and had spent花費 many許多 years年份 in solitary confinement坐月子,
且有好幾年都在單獨監禁中度過。
06:12
told me she was grateful感激 to her jailers獄卒
她告訴我,她很感激那些獄吏
06:15
for the time she had had to think,
讓她有時間思考、
06:19
for the wisdom智慧 she had gained獲得,
讓她更有智慧、
06:21
for the chance機會 to hone磨練 her meditation冥想 skills技能.
讓她有機會增進冥想技巧。
06:23
She had sought追捧 meaning含義
她也尋求這其中的意義,
06:27
and made製作 her travail陣痛 into a crucial關鍵 identity身分.
並將痛苦轉為很重要的一種身分。
06:29
But if the people I met會見
但如果我遇見的這些人
06:33
were less bitter than I'd anticipated預期
對於身在監獄
06:35
about being存在 in prison監獄,
比我想像中的更加泰然,
06:37
they were also less thrilled高興 than I'd expected預期
那他們也比我預料中的更不期待
06:38
about the reform改革 process處理 going on
他們國家所經歷的改革過程。
06:41
in their country國家.
馬蒂妲說:
06:43
Ma ThidaThida said,
「我們緬甸人很著名的是
06:45
"We Burmese緬甸語 are noted注意
面對壓力時所展現的無比優雅,
06:47
for our tremendous巨大 grace恩典 under pressure壓力,
但在我們的光環底下也有委屈。」
06:48
but we also have grievance不平 under glamour魅力,"
她說:「而事實是,
06:52
she said, "and the fact事實 that there have been
這些轉換和改變
06:56
these shifts轉變 and changes變化
並不會消弭我們社會中
06:58
doesn't erase抹去 the continuing繼續 problems問題
一直存在的問題,
07:00
in our society社會
我們在監獄中的時候,
07:02
that we learned學到了 to see so well
把這些問題都看清了。」
07:04
while we were in prison監獄."
我認為她的意思是
07:06
And I understood了解 her to be saying
在人性需要真正能顯現的地方,
07:08
that concessions讓步 confer授予 only a little humanity人性,
妥協只賦予一丁點人性,
07:10
where full充分 humanity人性 is due應有,
就像給人麵包屑,
07:14
that crumbs are not the same相同
不等於可以坐上桌一樣。
07:16
as a place地點 at the table,
也就是說,你可以鑄造意義
07:18
which哪一個 is to say you can forge鍛造 meaning含義
並建立身分,
07:20
and build建立 identity身分 and still be mad as hell地獄.
同時還是滿腔怒火。
07:23
I've never been raped強姦,
我沒有被強暴過,
07:29
and I've never been in anything
remotely遠程 approaching接近
也從來沒有做過任何
07:31
a Burmese緬甸語 prison監獄,
會被關進緬甸監獄的事。
07:34
but as a gay同性戀者 American美國,
但身為同性戀的美國人,
07:36
I've experienced有經驗的 prejudice偏見 and even hatred,
我經歷過偏見甚至仇恨,
07:37
and I've forged偽造的 meaning含義 and I've built內置 identity身分,
我鑄造過意義也建立過身分,
07:42
which哪一個 is a move移動 I learned學到了 from people
這是我從那些
07:46
who had experienced有經驗的 far worse更差 privation困苦
比我經歷過更糟糕處境的人身上
學到的對策。
07:48
than I've ever known已知.
我自己的青少年時期,
07:51
In my own擁有 adolescence青春期,
也曾為了改變性向而做出極端之舉。
07:53
I went to extreme極端 lengths長度 to try to be straight直行.
我參與了一種
07:55
I enrolled就讀 myself in something called
性向替代療法。
07:59
sexual有性 surrogacy代孕 therapy治療,
裡面有所謂的醫生,
08:01
in which哪一個 people I was encouraged鼓勵 to call doctors醫生
需要做所謂的療法,
08:03
prescribed規定 what I was encouraged鼓勵 to call exercises演習
對象是所謂的女性代理人,
08:07
with women婦女 I was encouraged鼓勵 to call surrogates代理人,
這些代理人不算妓女,
08:10
who were not exactly究竟 prostitutes妓女
但也不算是其他別的。
08:14
but who were also not exactly究竟 anything else其他.
(笑聲)
08:17
(Laughter笑聲)
我最喜歡的代理人
08:20
My particular特定 favorite喜愛
是一位來自南方腹地的金髮女人,
08:24
was a blonde金發 woman女人 from the Deep South
後來終於跟我承認
08:26
who eventually終於 admitted承認 to me
她有戀屍癖,
08:28
that she was really a necrophiliac戀屍癖
她之所以會做這份工作,
08:30
and had taken採取 this job工作 after she got in trouble麻煩
是因為她在停屍間遇到了點麻煩。
08:32
down at the morgue停屍房.
(笑聲)
08:35
(Laughter笑聲)
這種經驗終究讓我
08:37
These experiences經驗 eventually終於 allowed允許 me to have
跟女性有種蠻愉悅的肢體關係,
08:43
some happy快樂 physical物理 relationships關係 with women婦女,
對此我很感激,
08:46
for which哪一個 I'm grateful感激,
但我陷入與自己的戰爭中,
08:49
but I was at war戰爭 with myself,
也在我心底埋下很深的創傷。
08:50
and I dug terrible可怕 wounds傷口 into my own擁有 psyche精神.
我們並不找尋
08:53
We don't seek尋求 the painful痛苦 experiences經驗
會鑿開身分的痛苦經驗,
08:58
that hew our identities身份,
但我們尋找的身分
09:01
but we seek尋求 our identities身份
是尾隨痛苦經驗而來的。
09:04
in the wake喚醒 of painful痛苦 experiences經驗.
我們無法承受無意義的折磨,
09:06
We cannot不能 bear a pointless無意義 torment折磨,
但我們可以忍受極大的痛苦,
09:09
but we can endure忍受 great pain疼痛
只要我們相信這是有意義的。
09:12
if we believe that it's purposeful有目的的.
泰然在我們身上留下的印記
09:14
Ease緩解 makes品牌 less of an impression印象 on us
比掙扎更淺。
09:18
than struggle鬥爭.
沒有喜樂我們還是可以做自己,
09:20
We could have been ourselves我們自己 without our delights美食,
但沒了驅使我們
09:21
but not without the misfortunes不幸
找尋意義的厄運那就做不到。
09:24
that drive駕駛 our search搜索 for meaning含義.
「因此,我以軟弱為歡喜,」
09:26
"Therefore因此, I take pleasure樂趣 in infirmities軟弱,"
聖保羅在哥林多後書裡寫道,
09:29
St. Paul保羅 wrote in Second第二 Corinthians科林蒂安,
「因為當我軟弱時,我就能變得剛強。」
09:33
"for when I am weak, then I am strong強大."
1988 年,我去了莫斯科
09:35
In 1988, I went to Moscow莫斯科
訪問蘇聯地鐵的藝術家,
09:39
to interview訪問 artists藝術家 of the Soviet蘇聯 underground地下,
我期望他們的作品是
09:42
and I expected預期 their work to be
充滿異議及政治的。
09:46
dissident持不同政見 and political政治.
但他們作品中的激進
09:47
But the radicalism激進主義 in their work actually其實 lay鋪設
其實是為了將人性重放回社會中,
09:50
in reinserting重新插入 humanity人性 into a society社會
因為這個社會正在泯滅人性,
09:53
that was annihilating殲敵 humanity人性 itself本身,
某些方面看來,
09:56
as, in some senses感官, Russian俄語 society社會
這樣的事在俄羅斯社會正在重演。
09:58
is now doing again.
其中一位藝術家告訴我:
10:01
One of the artists藝術家 I met會見 said to me,
「我們被訓練做天使,而非藝術家」。
10:03
"We were in training訓練 to be not artists藝術家 but angels天使."
1991 年,我又回去
10:05
In 1991, I went back to see the artists藝術家
見了這些我筆下的藝術家,
10:10
I'd been writing寫作 about,
當推翻蘇聯的政變發生時,
10:13
and I was with them during the putsch政變
我正與他們在一起,
10:14
that ended結束 the Soviet蘇聯 Union聯盟,
他們也與推動政變的主要發起人一起。
10:16
and they were among其中 the chief首席 organizers組織者
政變第三天,
10:18
of the resistance抵抗性 to that putsch政變.
有人建議我們走到斯摩棱斯克。
10:21
And on the third第三 day of the putsch政變,
我們到那時,
10:24
one of them suggested建議 we walk步行 up to Smolenskaya斯摩棱斯克.
在路障前面找個位置待著。
10:27
And we went there,
一會兒過後,
10:30
and we arranged安排 ourselves我們自己 in
front面前 of one of the barricades路障,
一排坦克車過來,
10:31
and a little while later後來,
第一輛坦克車上的士兵說:
10:35
a column of tanks坦克 rolled熱軋 up,
「我們有令,
10:36
and the soldier士兵 on the front面前 tank坦克 said,
不論如何都要破壞這些柵欄。
10:39
"We have unconditional無條件的 orders命令
如果你們現在讓開,
10:41
to destroy破壞 this barricade.
那我們就不會傷害你們。
10:43
If you get out of the way,
但如果你們不走,
10:44
we don't need to hurt傷害 you,
我們只能將你們輾過去,別無他擇。」
10:46
but if you won't慣於 move移動, we'll have no choice選擇
我身邊的藝術家就說:
10:48
but to run you down."
「給我們一分鐘,
10:50
And the artists藝術家 I was with said,
就一分鐘,述說我們來此的原因。」
10:51
"Give us just a minute分鐘.
那位士兵雙手在胸前交叉,
10:53
Give us just a minute分鐘 to tell you why we're here."
然後藝術家唸了傑佛遜的民主頌詞,
10:54
And the soldier士兵 folded折疊 his arms武器,
我們這些
10:59
and the artist藝術家 launched推出 into a
Jeffersonian杰斐遜 panegyric to democracy民主
住在傑佛遜式民主國家的人
11:01
such這樣 as those of us who live生活
都還唸不出來的頌詞。
11:05
in a Jeffersonian杰斐遜 democracy民主
他們一直說下去,
11:07
would be hard-pressed捉襟見肘 to present當下.
而士兵也看著,
11:09
And they went on and on,
他聽完後,
11:13
and the soldier士兵 watched看著,
在那裡坐滿一分鐘,
11:14
and then he satSAT there for a full充分 minute分鐘
就在雨中看著滿是泥濘的我們,
11:16
after they were finished
說道:
11:18
and looked看著 at us so bedraggled荒廢 in the rain,
「你們說的是事實,
11:20
and said, "What you have said is true真正,
而我們必須遵從人民的意志。
11:22
and we must必須 bow to the will of the people.
如果你們願意讓路讓我們掉頭,
11:26
If you'll你會 clear明確 enough足夠 space空間 for us to turn around,
那我們會照原路回去。」
11:30
we'll go back the way we came來了."
他們也確實這麼做了。
11:32
And that's what they did.
有時候,鑄造意義
11:35
Sometimes有時, forging鍛造 meaning含義
可以給你所需的詞彙,
11:37
can give you the vocabulary詞彙 you need
讓你爭取最終的自由。
11:39
to fight鬥爭 for your ultimate最終 freedom自由.
俄羅斯讓我想到檸檬汁的概念,
11:42
Russia俄國 awakened驚醒 me to the lemonade檸檬汽水 notion概念
壓榨只會助長反對勢力,
11:45
that oppression壓迫 breeds品種 the power功率 to oppose反對 it,
而我漸漸了解
11:48
and I gradually逐漸 understood了解 that as the cornerstone基石
這就是身分的基石。
11:51
of identity身分.
身分將我從悲傷中拯救出來。
11:54
It took identity身分 to rescue拯救 me from sadness.
在同志權運動所設想的世界裡,
11:55
The gay同性戀者 rights權利 movement運動 posits的posits a world世界
我的缺陷是種勝利。
12:00
in which哪一個 my aberrancesaberrances are a victory勝利.
身分政治總有兩個目標:
12:02
Identity身分 politics政治 always works作品 on two fronts戰線:
讓有特殊情況或特徵的人自豪,
12:05
to give pride自豪 to people who have a given特定 condition條件
以及讓外面的世界
12:09
or characteristic特性,
以更溫和的方式善待那些人。
12:12
and to cause原因 the outside world世界
這是兩種很不同的目標,
12:13
to treat對待 such這樣 people more gently平緩 and more kindly和藹.
但不管是哪一邊的進展,
12:15
Those are two totally完全 separate分離 enterprises企業,
都能在另一邊得到回響。
12:18
but progress進展 in each sphere領域
身分政治也可以是很自戀的。
12:22
reverberates宛轉 in the other.
人們吹捧與眾不同,
只因為他們就是如此。
12:24
Identity身分 politics政治 can be narcissistic自戀.
人們窄化個別群體的世界及功能,
12:26
People extol稱賞 a difference區別 only because it's theirs他們的.
對他人沒有同理心。
12:30
People narrow狹窄 the world世界 and function功能
但只要充分理解
12:33
in discrete離散的 groups without empathy同情 for one another另一個.
並聰明執行,
12:36
But properly正確 understood了解
身分政治應該可以
12:39
and wisely明智 practiced,
擴展我們對於人性的想法。
12:41
identity身分 politics政治 should expand擴大
身分本身
12:43
our idea理念 of what it is to be human人的.
不應該是沾沾自喜的標籤,
12:45
Identity身分 itself本身
也不該是金牌,
12:48
should be not a smug躊躇滿志 label標籤
而是革命。
12:49
or a gold medal勳章
如果我是異性戀,那我的生活會輕鬆些,
12:52
but a revolution革命.
但那就不會是我了。
12:54
I would have had an easier更輕鬆 life if I were straight直行,
現在,我更喜歡做自己,
12:56
but I would not be me,
而非成為其他人的想法,
13:00
and I now like being存在 myself better
老實說那樣的人,
13:02
than the idea理念 of being存在 someone有人 else其他,
我不只根本當不成,
13:04
someone有人 who, to be honest誠實,
也無法想像他們的生活。
13:07
I have neither也不 the option選項 of being存在
但如果你驅除惡龍,
13:08
nor也不 the ability能力 fully充分 to imagine想像.
你也驅逐了英雄,
13:10
But if you banish放逐 the dragons小龍,
我們也會變得依賴
13:13
you banish放逐 the heroes英雄,
自己生命中英雄特質。
13:15
and we become成為 attached
我有時候會想
13:17
to the heroic英勇 strain應變 in our own擁有 lives生活.
我有沒有辦法停止憎恨那部分的自己,
13:19
I've sometimes有時 wondered想知道
不需藉由同志自豪日的豔麗慶典,
13:22
whether是否 I could have ceased停止
to hate討厭 that part部分 of myself
而這場演講就是其中一種表現方式。
13:23
without gay同性戀者 pride's驕傲的 technicolor彩色印片法 fiesta節日,
我之前認為自己真正成長的時候,
13:26
of which哪一個 this speech言語 is one manifestation表現.
就是我能不多強調
自己同志身分地當同志,
13:29
I used to think I would know myself to be mature成熟
但那時期的自我厭惡
13:33
when I could simply只是 be gay同性戀者 without emphasis重點,
留下了一塊空白,
13:36
but the self-loathing自我厭惡 of that period left a void空虛,
需要歡樂的事來填滿它,
13:39
and celebration慶典 needs需求 to fill and overflow溢出 it,
但即使我還清自己的悲傷債,
13:43
and even if I repay償還 my private私人的 debt債務 of melancholy愁緒,
外面還是有恐懼同志的世界,
13:47
there's still an outer world世界 of homophobia同性戀
這需要幾十年的時間解決。
13:50
that it will take decades幾十年 to address地址.
有一天,
13:53
Someday日後, being存在 gay同性戀者 will be a simple簡單 fact事實,
當同性戀只會是個簡單的事實,
13:56
free自由 of party派對 hats帽子 and blame,
沒有區分與指責。
13:59
but not yet然而.
但這天還沒到。
14:02
A friend朋友 of mine who thought gay同性戀者 pride自豪
我有個朋友覺得
14:04
was getting得到 very carried攜帶的 away with itself本身,
同志自豪日好像辦得越來越過火,
14:06
once一旦 suggested建議 that we organize組織
然後建議我們舉辦
14:08
Gay同性戀者 Humility謙遜 Week.
同志謙遜週。
14:10
(Laughter笑聲) (Applause掌聲)
(笑聲)(掌聲)
14:12
It's a great idea理念,
這想法很好,
14:18
but its time has not yet然而 come.
但時候未到。
14:21
(Laughter笑聲)
(笑聲)
14:23
And neutrality中立, which哪一個 seems似乎 to lie謊言
還有中立性,
14:25
halfway between之間 despair絕望 and celebration慶典,
看似就位在絕望與慶祝中間,
14:27
is actually其實 the endgame結束遊戲.
其實就是終局。
14:30
In 29 states狀態 in the U.S.,
在美國的 29 州裡,
14:33
I could legally法律上 be fired解僱 or denied否認 housing住房
我可以被合法開除或拒絕居住,
14:36
for being存在 gay同性戀者.
就因為我是同性戀。
14:39
In Russia俄國, the anti-propaganda反宣傳 law
在俄羅斯,反宣傳法
14:41
has led to people being存在 beaten毆打 in the streets街道.
導致有人在街頭被打死。
14:44
Twenty-seven二十七 African非洲人 countries國家
27 個非洲國家
14:47
have passed通過 laws法律 against反對 sodomy雞姦,
通過了禁止肛交的法律。
14:49
and in Nigeria尼日利亞, gay同性戀者 people can legally法律上
而在奈及利亞,
14:52
be stoned砸死 to death死亡,
同志可以合法地被投石致死,
14:54
and lynchings私刑 have become成為 common共同.
私刑也越來越常見。
14:55
In Saudi沙特 Arabia阿拉伯 recently最近, two men男人
最近在沙烏地阿拉伯,
14:58
who had been caught抓住 in carnal肉體 acts行為,
兩名男子發生性行為被抓個正著,
15:01
were sentenced判刑 to 7,000 lashes睫毛 each,
因此各被判七千下鞭刑,
15:03
and are now permanently永久 disabled as a result結果.
導致他們現在終身殘廢。
15:08
So who can forge鍛造 meaning含義
所以誰可以鑄造意義,
15:11
and build建立 identity身分?
並建立身分?
15:13
Gay同性戀者 rights權利 are not primarily主要 marriage婚姻 rights權利,
同志權不只有婚姻權,
15:16
and for the millions百萬 who live生活 in unacceptingunaccepting places地方
對於在其他不接受同性戀國家的上百萬人,
15:19
with no resources資源,
他們沒有資源,
15:22
dignity尊嚴 remains遺跡 elusive難以捉摸.
也毫無尊嚴。
15:24
I am lucky幸運 to have forged偽造的 meaning含義
我很幸運可以鑄造意義
15:27
and built內置 identity身分,
並建立身分,
15:30
but that's still a rare罕見 privilege特權,
但這是很罕見的特權,
15:32
and gay同性戀者 people deserve值得 more collectively
同性戀值得更多的公平正義,
15:34
than the crumbs of justice正義.
而不是那一丁點。
15:37
And yet然而, every一切 step forward前鋒
但是這過程的每一步
15:40
is so sweet.
都很甜蜜。
15:43
In 2007, six years年份 after we met會見,
2007 年,我們相識六年後,
15:45
my partner夥伴 and I decided決定
我的伴侶和我
15:49
to get married已婚.
決定結婚。
15:51
Meeting會議 John約翰 had been the discovery發現
認識約翰,我找到了
15:53
of great happiness幸福
幸福喜樂,
15:55
and also the elimination消除 of great unhappiness不幸,
也消除了很多過去的不幸福。
15:57
and sometimes有時, I was so occupied佔據
有時候我腦子甚至會一直想著
16:00
with the disappearance消失 of all that pain疼痛
那些痛苦的消失,
16:03
that I forgot忘記 about the joy喜悅,
而忘記那些喜樂,
16:05
which哪一個 was at first the less
remarkable卓越 part部分 of it to me.
因為那起初對我來說
並沒有那麼有印象。
16:07
Marrying was a way to declare宣布 our love
結婚是種宣誓我們愛的方式,
16:11
as more a presence存在 than an absence缺席.
是證明其存在而非不存在。
16:14
Marriage婚姻 soon不久 led us to children孩子,
婚姻很也快地帶來小孩子,
16:18
and that meant意味著 new meanings含義
這也就表示新的意義
16:20
and new identities身份, ours我們的 and theirs他們的.
與新的身分,我們和他們的身分。
16:22
I want my children孩子 to be happy快樂,
我要我的孩子快快樂樂,
16:26
and I love them most achingly心痛 when they are sad傷心.
他們難過時,
我對他們的愛也感受得到痛。
16:29
As a gay同性戀者 father父親, I can teach them
身為同性戀父親,我可以教他們
16:33
to own擁有 what is wrong錯誤 in their lives生活,
面對人生中出錯的部分,
16:36
but I believe that if I succeed成功
但我相信,如果我成功地
16:38
in sheltering庇護 them from adversity逆境,
保護他們免受逆境之苦,
16:40
I will have failed失敗 as a parent.
那我反而是個失敗的父親。
16:42
A Buddhist佛教徒 scholar學者 I know once一旦 explained解釋 to me
我認識的一位佛教學者告訴我,
16:45
that Westerners西方人 mistakenly think
西方人錯誤地認為
16:48
that nirvana is what arrives到達
極樂世界只會在
16:50
when all your woe榮辱與共 is behind背後 you
你所有的悲傷都被拋在腦後時出現,
16:53
and you have only bliss to look forward前鋒 to.
所以你只要期盼喜樂就好。
16:55
But he said that would not be nirvana,
但他說那樣就不是極樂世界了,
16:59
because your bliss in the present當下
因為你當下的喜樂
17:01
would always be shadowed附有陰影 by the joy喜悅 from the past過去.
總會被過去喜樂的陰影所蒙蔽。
17:02
Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive到達 at
他說,極樂世界是
17:06
when you have only bliss to look forward前鋒 to
當你以找尋喜樂為目標,
17:09
and find in what looked看著 like sorrows悲傷
且從看似悲傷的情況中
17:11
the seedlings of your joy喜悅.
找到喜樂的種子。
17:14
And I sometimes有時 wonder奇蹟
我有時候會想
17:17
whether是否 I could have found發現 such這樣 fulfillment履行
我能否在婚姻與兒女中找到滿足,
17:19
in marriage婚姻 and children孩子
如果他們能來得更加簡單,
17:21
if they'd他們會 come more readily容易,
如果我年輕時變成異性戀,
17:22
if I'd been straight直行 in my youth青年 or were young年輕 now,
或是現在還年輕,
17:24
in either of which哪一個 cases this might威力 be easier更輕鬆.
不管哪種情況,會不會變得更容易。
17:28
Perhaps也許 I could.
或許會吧。
17:32
Perhaps也許 all the complex複雜 imagining想像 I've doneDONE
或許我所想像的那些複雜內容
17:33
could have been applied應用的 to other topics主題.
可以適用在其他話題上。
17:36
But if seeking meaning含義
但如果尋求意義
17:38
matters事項 more than finding發現 meaning含義,
比找尋意義重要,
17:40
the question is not whether是否 I'd be happier幸福
那問題不會是
17:41
for having been bullied欺負,
我被欺負時會不會快樂一點,
17:45
but whether是否 assigning分配 meaning含義
而是賦予意義
17:46
to those experiences經驗
給那些經驗
17:48
has made製作 me a better father父親.
能不能讓我成為更好的父親。
17:50
I tend趨向 to find the ecstasy狂喜 hidden in ordinary普通 joys歡樂,
我常在平凡的喜樂中
找到令人狂喜的事,
17:52
because I did not expect期望 those joys歡樂
因為我並沒有想到那些喜樂
17:56
to be ordinary普通 to me.
對我來說是平凡的。
17:58
I know many許多 heterosexuals異性戀 who have
我知道很多異性戀的人
18:01
equally一樣 happy快樂 marriages婚姻 and families家庭,
有很快樂的婚姻與家庭,
18:02
but gay同性戀者 marriage婚姻 is so breathtakingly驚人的 fresh新鮮,
但同性戀婚姻有如一股清流,
18:05
and gay同性戀者 families家庭 so exhilaratingly令人欣喜 new,
同性戀家庭也很新穎,
18:08
and I found發現 meaning含義 in that surprise.
在這樣的驚喜中,我也找到意義。
18:11
In October十月, it was my 50th birthday生日,
我十月時度過 50 歲生日,
18:15
and my family家庭 organized有組織的 a party派對 for me,
家人替我辦了慶生會。
18:19
and in the middle中間 of it,
到一半的時候,
18:22
my son兒子 said to my husband丈夫
我兒子告訴我丈夫,
18:23
that he wanted to make a speech言語,
他想要發表演講,
18:25
and John約翰 said,
約翰告訴他:
18:26
"George喬治, you can't make a speech言語. You're four."
「喬治,你不會演講啦,你才四歲。」
18:27
(Laughter笑聲)
(笑聲)
18:32
"Only Grandpa爺爺 and Uncle叔叔 David大衛 and I
「只有爺爺、大衛叔叔和我
18:34
are going to make speeches演講 tonight今晚."
今晚可以演講。」
18:36
But George喬治 insisted堅持 and insisted堅持,
但喬治不斷堅持,
18:38
and finally最後, John約翰 took him up to the microphone麥克風,
約翰才終於把麥克風交給他,
18:41
and George喬治 said very loudly高聲,
然後喬治很大聲地說:
18:44
"Ladies女士們 and gentlemen紳士,
「各位先生女士,
18:47
may可能 I have your attention注意 please."
請大家注意我這邊。」
18:49
And everyone大家 turned轉身 around, startled.
大家嚇了一跳,轉頭看他。
18:52
And George喬治 said,
然後喬治說:
18:55
"I'm glad高興 it's Daddy's爸爸的 birthday生日.
「我很高興今天是爸爸生日。
18:57
I'm glad高興 we all get cake蛋糕.
我很高興大家都有蛋糕。
18:59
And daddy, if you were little,
爸爸,如果你現在還是小朋友,
19:02
I'd be your friend朋友."
那我願意當你的朋友。」
19:06
And I thought — Thank you.
我想──謝謝。
19:09
I thought that I was indebted感激的
我想我也要感謝
19:12
even to Bobby鮑比 Finkel芬克爾,
巴比.芬可,
19:15
because all those earlier experiences經驗
因為過去的那些經驗
19:16
were what had propelled推進的 me to this moment時刻,
才讓我有現在這一刻,
19:19
and I was finally最後 unconditionally無條件 grateful感激
我終於能夠無條件地感激現在的生活,
19:22
for a life I'd once一旦 have doneDONE anything to change更改.
這個我曾經願意不顧一切改變的人生。
19:24
The gay同性戀者 activist活動家 Harvey哈維 Milk牛奶
同性戀積極分子哈維.米爾克
19:28
was once一旦 asked by a younger更年輕 gay同性戀者 man
曾經被年輕的同性戀男子問,
19:30
what he could do to help the movement運動,
他能做什麼幫忙同性戀活動。
19:32
and Harvey哈維 Milk牛奶 said,
哈維.米爾克回答:
19:35
"Go out and tell someone有人."
「走出去告訴別人吧。」
19:36
There's always somebody who wants to confiscate沒收
總是會有人
19:38
our humanity人性,
想要奪走我們的人性,
19:41
and there are always stories故事 that restore恢復 it.
但也總是有重建人性的故事。
19:43
If we live生活 out loud,
如果我們活得精彩,
19:45
we can trounce打敗 the hatred
我們就能擊敗怨恨
19:47
and expand擴大 everyone's大家的 lives生活.
並充實每個人的生活。
19:49
Forge鍛造 meaning含義. Build建立 identity身分.
鑄造意義;建立身分。
19:52
Forge鍛造 meaning含義.
鑄造意義;
19:56
Build建立 identity身分.
建立身分。
19:58
And then invite邀請 the world世界
然後邀請全世界
20:01
to share分享 your joy喜悅.
來分享你的喜悅。
20:02
Thank you.
謝謝。
20:04
(Applause掌聲)
(掌聲)
20:07
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
謝謝。(掌聲)
20:09
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
謝謝。(掌聲)
20:12
Thank you. (Applause掌聲)
謝謝。(掌聲)
20:16
Translated by Adrienne Lin
Reviewed by Marssi Draw

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About the speaker:

Andrew Solomon - Writer
Andrew Solomon writes about politics, culture and psychology.

Why you should listen

Andrew Solomon is a writer, lecturer and Professor of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University. He is president of PEN American Center. He writes regularly for The New Yorker and the New York Times.

Solomon's newest book, Far and Away: Reporting from the Brink of Change, Seven Continents, Twenty-Five Years was published in April, 2016. His previous book, Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity won the National Book Critics Circle award for nonfiction, the Wellcome Prize and 22 other national awards. It tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children but also find profound meaning in doing so. It was a New York Times bestseller in both hardcover and paperback editions. Solomon's previous book, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, won the 2001 National Book Award for Nonfiction, was a finalist for the 2002 Pulitzer Prize and was included in The Times of London's list of one hundred best books of the decade. It has been published in twenty-four languages. Solomon is also the author of the novel A Stone Boat and of The Irony Tower: Soviet Artists in a Time of Glasnost.

Solomon is an activist in LGBT rights, mental health, education and the arts. He is a member of the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Force and Trans Youth Family Allies. He is a member of the Board of Visitors of Columbia University Medical Center, serves on the National Advisory Board of the Depression Center at the University of Michigan, is a director of Columbia Psychiatry and is a member of the Advisory Board of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Solomon also serves on the boards of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Yaddo and The Alex Fund, which supports the education of Romani children. He is also a fellow of Berkeley College at Yale University and a member of the New York Institute for the Humanities and the Council on Foreign Relations.

Solomon lives with his husband and son in New York and London and is a dual national. He also has a daughter with a college friend; mother and daughter live in Texas but visit often.


More profile about the speaker
Andrew Solomon | Speaker | TED.com