TEDWomen 2017
Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
Justin Baldoni: 为什么我不再试图变得“男人一点”
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Justin Baldoni想和男性朋友们一起重新定义"男性"这个词的内涵--想方设法不仅仅成为好男人，跟进一步成为好人。在温暖、私人的谈话中，他向众人展示了自己的种种挣扎："我是谁"以及外界定义的"我是谁"。他还给了男性一个挑战："看看能不能用让你们觉得作为一个男人的品质，往深看自己，"他说道，"你们的力量、勇敢、坚强：你们有没有勇气去变得脆弱？够不够坚强去变得敏感？有没有信心去聆听生命中的女性？"
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As an actor, I get scripts
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作为一个演员，我拿到剧本
00:15
and it's my job to stay on script,
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我的工作就是专注于我的剧本，
00:18
to say my lines
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说出我的台词，
给其他人写的人物带来生命。
00:19
and bring to life a character
that someone else wrote.
that someone else wrote.
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00:23
Over the course of my career,
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在我的职业生涯中，
00:25
I've had the great honor
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我有过极大的荣幸，
扮演一些电视中
00:27
playing some of the greatest
male role models ever
male role models ever
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最伟大的男性角色。
00:31
represented on television.
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00:33
You might recognize me
as "Male Escort #1."
as "Male Escort #1."
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你可能认出我是 “头牌应召男郎"。
00:36
(Laughter)
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(笑)
"赴约的摄影强奸犯"，
00:38
"Photographer Date Rapist,"
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00:42
"Shirtless Date Rapist"
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获过奖的"深海狂怒"中
00:43
from the award-winning
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
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"赴约的赤膊强奸犯"。
（笑）
00:46
(Laughter)
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"赤膊的医学生"，
00:48
"Shirtless Medical Student,"
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"赤膊的使用类固醇的人"
00:49
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
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以及我最著名的角色Rafael。
00:51
and, in my most
well-known role, as Rafael.
well-known role, as Rafael.
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（鼓掌）
00:55
(Applause)
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一个闷闷不乐，改过自新的花花公子，
00:58
A brooding, reformed playboy
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迷恋着任何事物，迷恋着处女，
01:01
who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
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01:04
and who is only occasionally shirtless.
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一个偶尔赤膊的花花公子。
01:06
(Laughter)
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（笑）
但是这些角色并不能代表在真实生活中的我，
01:08
Now, these roles don't represent
the kind of man I am in my real life,
the kind of man I am in my real life,
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但这就是我喜欢表演的地方。
01:12
but that's what I love about acting.
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我活在这些和我很不一样的角色中。
01:14
I get to live inside characters
very different than myself.
very different than myself.
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01:18
But every time I got
one of these roles, I was surprised,
one of these roles, I was surprised,
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每一次我在一个角色中的时候，我总是非常的惊讶
01:22
because most of the men
I play ooze machismo,
I play ooze machismo,
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惊讶于大多数我扮演的角色充满了男子气概，有魅力以及充满了力量
01:25
charisma and power,
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当我看着镜子的时候，这正是我如何看待我自己
01:27
and when I look in the mirror,
that's just not how I see myself.
that's just not how I see myself.
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但也是好莱坞如何看待我的
01:30
But it was how Hollywood saw me,
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但也是好莱坞如何看待我的
01:32
and over time, I noticed a parallel
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随着时间的推移，我注意到一个
01:34
between the roles I would play as a man
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在我扮演的男性角色和我屏幕后的形象
01:36
both on-screen and off.
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有相似之处
01:41
I've been pretending to be
a man that I'm not my entire life.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
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我开始假装成一个生活中我不是这样的人
01:45
I've been pretending
to be strong when I felt weak,
to be strong when I felt weak,
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当我感到虚弱的时候，我假装成强壮的
01:49
confident when I felt insecure
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当我缺乏信心的时候，我假装成很有自信
01:53
and tough when really I was hurting.
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当我被伤害的时候，我装成很坚强
01:56
I think for the most part
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
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我认为大多数时候，我只是在一个表演中
02:00
but I'm tired of performing.
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但是我已经厌倦表演了
02:03
And I can tell you right now
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我现在可以告诉你
02:05
that it is exhausting trying to be
man enough for everyone all the time.
man enough for everyone all the time.
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一直成为一个男子气概的男人形象对所有人来说都是精疲力竭的
02:12
Now -- right?
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对吧？
02:13
(Laughter)
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（笑）
02:16
My brother heard that.
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我的兄弟听到了
02:18
Now, for as long
as I can remember, I've been told
as I can remember, I've been told
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现在，就我所记得的，我一直被
02:20
the kind of man
that I should grow up to be.
that I should grow up to be.
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告诉我要成为我应该成为的那样的男人
02:23
As a boy, all I wanted was to be
accepted and liked by the other boys,
accepted and liked by the other boys,
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作为一个男孩，我想要的就被其他男孩接受和喜欢
02:28
but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
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被其他男孩接受意味着
02:30
this almost disgusted view
of the feminine,
of the feminine,
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我不得不对女性抱有厌恶的观点
02:32
and since we were told that feminine
is the opposite of masculine,
is the opposite of masculine,
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由于我们被告知女性是男性的反面，
02:35
I either had to reject
embodying any of these qualities
embodying any of these qualities
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我也被告知拒绝拥有这些品质
02:38
or face rejection myself.
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否则面对的是拒绝我自己
02:41
This is the script that we've been given.
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这是我们所被给予的剧本
02:44
Right? Girls are weak,
and boys are strong.
and boys are strong.
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对吗？女孩子是虚弱的，男孩子是强壮的
02:48
This is what's being
subconsciously communicated
subconsciously communicated
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这就在世界上成千上万的男孩和女孩子
02:50
to hundreds of millions of young boys
and girls all over the world,
and girls all over the world,
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潜意识的交流，
02:54
just like it was with me.
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就像我身边的一样
02:56
Well, I came here today to say, as a man
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我今天来到这里是想说，作为人，
03:01
that this is wrong, this is toxic,
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这样的想法是错误的，这是不好的，
03:04
and it has to end.
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这需要被终止
03:06
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
03:12
Now, I'm not here
to give a history lesson.
to give a history lesson.
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我现在不是来上一个历史课的
03:16
We likely all know how we got here, OK?
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我们大概都知道我们是怎么来的，对吧
03:18
But I'm just a guy that woke up
after 30 years and realized
after 30 years and realized
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但是我在出生的30年后在意识到
03:21
that I was living in a state of conflict,
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我生活在一个充满矛盾的地方
03:23
conflict with who I feel I am in my core
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和我感觉我自己是核心矛盾的
03:26
and conflict with who the world
tells me as a man I should be.
tells me as a man I should be.
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和人们告诉我我应该成为一个怎么样的男人矛盾的
03:30
But I don't have a desire
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但是我并不渴望
03:31
to fit into the current
broken definition of masculinity,
broken definition of masculinity,
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去适应现在这个破碎的男性概念
03:35
because I don't just want
to be a good man.
to be a good man.
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因为我不想只成为一个好的男人
03:39
I want to be a good human.
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我想成为一个好的人
03:42
And I believe the only way that can happen
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我认为唯一一个能实现的办法就是
03:44
is if men learn to not only
embrace the qualities
embrace the qualities
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如果男人不仅仅接受那些
03:46
that we were told
are feminine in ourselves
are feminine in ourselves
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被认为是在我们体内的女性特征
03:50
but to be willing to stand up,
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而且愿意站起来
03:52
to champion and learn
from the women who embody them.
from the women who embody them.
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从接受这些特征的女性身上去学习和提倡
03:57
Now, men --
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现在，男人们
03:58
(Laughter)
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（笑）
04:00
I am not saying that everything
we have learned is toxic. OK?
we have learned is toxic. OK?
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我没有说我们所有学到的都是不好的，对吗
04:03
I'm not saying there's anything
inherently wrong with you or me,
inherently wrong with you or me,
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我不是说有什么在你或者我身上是内在的不好的
04:06
and men, I'm not saying
we have to stop being men.
we have to stop being men.
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男人们，我不是说让我们不要再成为男人
04:09
But we need balance, right?
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但是我们需要平衡，对吗
04:12
We need balance,
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我们需要平衡
04:14
and the only way things will change
is if we take a real honest look
is if we take a real honest look
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唯一能改变的事是如果我们能够诚实的看待
04:18
at the scripts that have been
passed down to us
passed down to us
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代代相传
04:20
from generation to generation
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递到我们手上的剧本
04:22
and the roles that,
as men, we choose to take on
as men, we choose to take on
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和我们选择去呈现在每天的生活中
04:25
in our everyday lives.
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作为男人的角色
04:27
So speaking of scripts,
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所以说到剧本
04:28
the first script I ever got
came from my dad.
came from my dad.
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我得到的第一个剧本是来自我的爸爸的
04:32
My dad is awesome.
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我的爸爸是令人惊叹的
04:33
He's loving, he's kind,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
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他充满爱，很慈祥，很感性，他在培养
04:40
he's here.
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他在这里
04:42
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
04:48
He's crying.
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他正在哭
04:49
(Laughter)
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（笑）
04:52
But, sorry, Dad,
as a kid I resented him for it,
as a kid I resented him for it,
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但是，抱歉，爸爸. 作为一个孩子我愤恨他
04:56
because I blamed him for making me soft,
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因为我责怪他把我变得柔软
04:59
which wasn't welcomed
in the small town in Oregon
in the small town in Oregon
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这是我们曾搬过去的一个俄勒冈州小镇上
05:01
that we had moved to.
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不受欢迎的特点
05:03
Because being soft
meant that I was bullied.
meant that I was bullied.
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因为变得柔软意味着我被欺负了
05:06
See, my dad wasn't
traditionally masculine,
traditionally masculine,
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看，我的爸爸不是一个传统意义上的男性
05:08
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.
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他没有教会我如何使用我的手
05:10
He didn't teach me
how to hunt, how to fight,
how to hunt, how to fight,
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他没有教会我如何去捕猎，如何去打架
05:14
you know, man stuff.
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你知道的，那些男人的东西
05:17
Instead he taught me what he knew:
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相反，他教我他所知道的东西
05:19
that being a man was about sacrifice
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成为一个男人需要牺牲
05:23
and doing whatever you can
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做任何你能做到的东西
05:24
to take care of
and provide for your family.
and provide for your family.
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照顾和抚养你的家庭
05:27
But there was another role
I learned how to play from my dad,
I learned how to play from my dad,
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但是还有如何扮演另一个角色我从我父亲那里学到的
05:29
who, I discovered,
learned it from his dad,
learned it from his dad,
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而我的父亲是从他的父亲那些学到的
05:32
a state senator
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他的父亲是一个州议员
05:33
who later in life
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他的父亲在之后的生活中
05:35
had to work nights as a janitor
to support his family,
to support his family,
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不得不在夜间作为一个看门人工作来支撑他的家庭
05:39
and he never told a soul.
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他从来没有告诉别人这件事
05:41
That role was to suffer in secret.
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一个隐秘地受苦的角色
05:43
And now three generations later,
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现在，三代之后
05:46
I find myself playing that role, too.
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我发现我自己也在扮演这个角色
05:49
So why couldn't my grandfather
just reach out to another man
just reach out to another man
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所以，为什么我的爷爷不去向另一个人
05:53
and ask for help?
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寻求帮助呢
05:54
Why does my dad to this day still think
he's got to do it all on his own?
he's got to do it all on his own?
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为什么我的爸爸直到今天仍然认为他独自需要完成这些呢
05:58
I know a man who would rather die
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我知道一个男人宁愿死
06:01
than tell another man
that they're hurting.
that they're hurting.
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也不愿告诉别人他们受伤
06:04
But it's not because we're just all,
like, strong silent types.
like, strong silent types.
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但是这并不是因为我们全部是，像强壮安静的类型
06:08
It's not. A lot of us men are really good
at making friends, and talking,
at making friends, and talking,
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这并不是。很多男人很善于交朋友和聊天
06:13
just not about anything real.
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却不是关于很多真实的事
06:15
(Laughter)
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（笑）
06:17
If it's about work or sports
or politics or women,
or politics or women,
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如果这是关于工作，体育，或者政治，或者女人
06:21
we have no problem sharing our opinions,
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我们毫无问题去分享我们的观点
06:24
but if it's about
our insecurities or our struggles,
our insecurities or our struggles,
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但是这是关于我们的不安全感，关于我们的挣扎
06:27
our fear of failure,
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关于我们对失败的恐惧
06:30
then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
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然后这就几乎像我们瘫痪了一样
06:33
At least, I do.
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至少，我是这样的
06:37
So some of the ways
that I have been practicing
that I have been practicing
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所以一些我一直在练习
06:40
breaking free of this behavior
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摆脱这种行为的方式
06:41
are by creating experiences
that force me to be vulnerable.
that force me to be vulnerable.
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就是创造让我脆弱的经历
06:46
So if there's something
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
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所以如果我的生活中有一些我感到羞耻的事情，
06:50
I practice diving straight into it,
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我就会直接进入它，
06:53
no matter how scary it is --
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不管它有多吓人——
06:55
and sometimes, even publicly.
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有时,甚至公开
06:58
Because then in doing so
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因为要是这样做的话
07:00
I take away its power,
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我就能摆脱他的力量
07:02
and my display of vulnerability
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我的脆弱表现在一些情况下
07:04
can in some cases give other men
permission to do the same.
permission to do the same.
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能给别的男人允许去做同样的事
07:09
As an example, a little while ago
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举个例子，一段时间前
07:11
I was wrestling with an issue in my life
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我那时正在纠结我生活中的一个问题
07:13
that I knew I needed
to talk to my guy friends about,
to talk to my guy friends about,
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我意识到我需要跟我的朋友们谈谈
07:17
but I was so paralyzed by fear
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但是我被恐惧吓得不知所措
07:21
that they would judge me
and see me as weak
and see me as weak
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以至于他们会审判我认为我懦弱
07:23
and I would lose my standing as a leader
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我会因此失去我作为领导者的地位
07:27
that I knew I had to take them
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
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在我不得不带他们去小镇外一个三天的旅行中
07:32
(Laughter)
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（笑）
07:33
Just to open up. And guess what?
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就开诚布公，你猜怎么着了
07:36
It wasn't until the end of the third day
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不到三天里的最后一天
07:38
that I finally found
the strength to talk to them
the strength to talk to them
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我终于有勇气跟他们说了
07:42
about what I was going through.
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关于我现在正在经历烦恼的事
07:45
But when I did,
something amazing happened.
something amazing happened.
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但是当我说的时候，一些令人震惊的事发生了
07:47
I realized that I wasn't alone,
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我意识到我不是一个人
07:50
because my guys had also been struggling.
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因为我的朋友们也都正在经历烦恼挣扎
07:53
And as soon as I found the strength
and the courage to share my shame,
and the courage to share my shame,
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当我找到勇气来分校我的窘迫的时候
07:57
it was gone.
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它就消失了
07:59
Now, I've learned over time
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现在，我已经学到了
08:01
that if I want to practice vulnerability,
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如果我想经历脆弱
08:03
then I need to build myself
a system of accountability.
a system of accountability.
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那我需要建立一个我自己的问责系统
08:06
So I've been really blessed as an actor.
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所以，我很庆幸我是一个演员
08:10
I've built a really wonderful fan base,
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我已经建立了一个丰富多彩的粉丝团
08:13
really, really sweet and engaged,
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他们人很好也很有干劲
08:15
and so I decided to use my social platform
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所以我决定把我的社交平台
08:18
as kind of this Trojan horse
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当成特洛伊木马
08:20
wherein I could create a daily practice
of authenticity and vulnerability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
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里面我可以建立真实性和易受伤害性的每日练习
08:25
The response has been incredible.
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评论非常不可思议
08:27
It's been affirming,
it's been heartwarming.
it's been heartwarming.
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很肯定，很暖心
08:31
I get tons of love and press
and positive messages daily.
and positive messages daily.
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我每天都收到一堆爱心 关注 和积极的信息
08:36
But it's all from a certain demographic:
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但这些评论的都来自于一种人口：
08:40
women.
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女性
08:41
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:44
This is real.
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这是真的
08:47
Why are only women following me?
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为什么只有女性关注我？
08:50
Where are the men?
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男性同胞都去哪儿了？
08:51
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
08:54
About a year ago, I posted this photo.
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大概一年前，我发了这张照片
08:58
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling
through some of the comments,
through some of the comments,
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之后我在翻看一些评论的时候
09:01
and I noticed that one of my female fans
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
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发现一位女粉丝在照片里tag了她男朋友
09:05
and her boyfriend responded by saying,
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然后她男朋友回复
09:07
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.
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“别在基佬的鬼东西里tag我
09:11
Thx."
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多谢”
09:12
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:14
As if being gay makes you
less of a man, right?
less of a man, right?
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就好像作为同性恋让你不男人了，是吗
09:18
So I took a deep breath,
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所以我深呼吸
09:21
and I responded.
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然后回复了
09:24
I said,
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我非常礼貌地说
09:26
very politely, that I was just curious,
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我只是好奇
09:28
because I'm on an exploration
of masculinity,
of masculinity,
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因为我正在探索男性气概
09:30
and I wanted to know
why my love for my wife
why my love for my wife
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我想知道为什么我对我妻子的爱
09:32
qualified as gay shit.
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被归纳成基佬的鬼东西了
09:34
And then I said,
honestly I just wanted to learn.
honestly I just wanted to learn.
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然后我说，说真的我只是想学习一下
09:37
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
09:42
Now, he immediately wrote me back.
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他立刻回复我了
09:45
I thought he was going to go off on me,
but instead he apologized.
but instead he apologized.
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我本以为他会冲我发火，没想到他却向我道歉了
09:51
He told me how, growing up,
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他告诉我，从小到大
09:53
public displays of affection
were looked down on.
were looked down on.
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公开秀恩爱都是被鄙视的
09:57
He told me that he was wrestling
and struggling with his ego,
and struggling with his ego,
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他告诉我他正在跟自尊心挣扎
10:01
and how much he loved his girlfriend
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他多么爱他的女朋友
10:03
and how thankful he was for her patience.
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还有他对她的耐心有多感激
10:07
And then a few weeks later,
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几周之后
10:09
he messaged me again.
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他又发短信了
10:12
This time he sent me a photo
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这次他给我传了一张照片
10:15
of him on one knee proposing.
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里面他单膝跪地求婚
10:16
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
10:22
And all he said was, "Thank you."
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他只说了一句话，“谢谢你”
10:25
I've been this guy.
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我走过他那条路
10:27
I get it.
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我懂
10:28
See, publicly,
he was just playing his role,
he was just playing his role,
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看到没，在公开场合，他只是在例行公事
10:30
rejecting the feminine, right?
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排斥女性，对吧？
10:32
But secretly he was waiting
for permission to express himself,
for permission to express himself,
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但私下里他在等待一个许可，去表达自己，
10:37
to be seen, to be heard,
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去让别人看到自己，听见自己
10:38
and all he needed was another man
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他需要的只是另一个男性
10:39
holding him accountable
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
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对他负责，并给他一个能安全感受的空间
10:43
and the transformation was instant.
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变化是瞬间的
10:45
I loved this experience,
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我喜欢这种经历，
10:47
because it showed me
that transformation is possible,
that transformation is possible,
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因为它告诉我，变化是可能的
10:50
even over direct messages.
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从短信对话就能看出来
10:52
So I wanted to figure out
how I could reach more men,
how I could reach more men,
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所以我在想怎么接触到更多男性
10:55
but of course none of them
were following me.
were following me.
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但当然他们谁没有关注我
10:57
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
10:59
So I tried an experiment.
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所以我做了个实验
11:01
I started posting more
stereotypically masculine things --
stereotypically masculine things --
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我开始发更多刻板印象里男性化的东西
11:05
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
11:07
Like my challenging workouts,
my meal plans,
my meal plans,
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比如我挑战性的健身，饮食规划
11:11
my journey to heal my body
after an injury.
after an injury.
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受伤之后自愈的过程
11:14
And guess what happened?
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猜后来怎么样了？
11:17
Men started to write me.
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男性们开始联系我了
11:19
And then, out of the blue,
for the first time in my entire career,
for the first time in my entire career,
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后来，突然有一天，我职业生涯第一次
11:22
a male fitness magazine called me,
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有个男性健美杂志打电话给我
11:25
and they said they wanted to honor me
as one of their game-changers.
as one of their game-changers.
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说他们想给我冠名规则挑战者
11:31
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
11:35
Was that really game-changing?
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这真的很挑战界限吗？
11:38
Or is it just conforming?
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还是这只是守规矩？
11:40
And see, that's the problem.
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看吧，这就是问题
11:42
It's totally cool for men to follow me
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当我讨论男性话题
11:44
when I talk about guy stuff
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还有顺从于后天性别准则时
11:47
and I conform to gender norms.
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男性关注我完全没问题
11:50
But if I talk about
how much I love my wife
how much I love my wife
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但当我表达我有多爱妻子
11:54
or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
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我女儿，或者我十天大的儿子时，
11:58
how I believe that marriage
is challenging but beautiful,
is challenging but beautiful,
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当我坚信婚姻复杂却美丽，
12:02
or how as a man
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
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当我作为一个男人和躯体变形抗争
12:06
or if I promote gender equality,
then only the women show up.
then only the women show up.
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或者当我提倡性别平等时，只有女性来了
12:10
Where are the men?
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男人们去哪儿了？
12:12
So men, men, men,
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所以，男人们，男人们，男人们
12:17
men!
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男人们！
12:19
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
12:27
I understand.
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我明白
12:29
Growing up, we tend
to challenge each other.
to challenge each other.
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成长过程中，我们挑战对方
12:32
We've got to be the toughest,
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我们都要成为最坚强，
12:33
the strongest, the bravest
men that we can be.
men that we can be.
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最强大，最勇敢的男性
12:36
And for many of us, myself included,
our identities are wrapped up
our identities are wrapped up
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对很多男性来说，包括我自己，我们的身份都被
12:40
in whether or not at the end of the day
we feel like we're man enough.
we feel like we're man enough.
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一天结束后觉不觉得自己够男人的感觉牵绊住了
12:45
But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
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但现在我给所有男性一个挑战
12:47
because men love challenges.
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因为男人们都爱挑战
12:49
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
12:52
I challenge you to see
if you can use the same qualities
if you can use the same qualities
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我挑战你们能不能用
12:55
that you feel make you a man
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让你们觉得成为一个男人的品质
12:57
to go deeper into yourself.
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往深了看自己
13:00
Your strength, your bravery,
your toughness:
your toughness:
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你们的力量，勇敢，坚强：
13:03
Can we redefine what those mean
and use them to explore our hearts?
and use them to explore our hearts?
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我们能把它们重新定义，并其用来探索我们的心吗？
13:10
Are you brave enough
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你们有没有勇气
13:12
to be vulnerable?
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去变得脆弱？
13:15
To reach out to another man
when you need help?
when you need help?
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当你们需要帮助时去找另一个人
13:18
To dive headfirst into your shame?
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去一头扎进你们的耻辱吗？
13:22
Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
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你们够不够强大去变得敏感，
13:25
to cry whether you are hurting
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去哭一哭，不管你们在痛苦着
13:27
or you're happy,
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还是快乐着
13:28
even if it makes you look weak?
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即使这让你们看起来很懦弱？
13:31
Are you confident enough
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你们有没有足够自信
13:34
to listen to the women in your life?
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去倾听生命中的女性？
13:37
To hear their ideas and their solutions?
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去倾听她们的想法和解决办法？
13:39
To hold their anguish
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去握住她们的痛苦
13:41
and actually believe them,
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并相信她们
13:44
even if what they're saying
is against you?
is against you?
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即使她们在说抗拒你的话？
13:47
And will you be man enough
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你们够不够男人
13:49
to stand up to other men
when you hear "locker room talk,"
when you hear "locker room talk,"
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在你听到“更衣室谈话”时，
13:53
when you hear stories
of sexual harassment?
of sexual harassment?
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听到性骚扰故事时，去对抗其他男性？
13:55
When you hear your boys talking
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
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当你听到男生们讨论吃她豆腐或把她灌醉时
13:59
will you actually stand up
and do something
and do something
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你会起来做一些事儿吗？
14:01
so that one day
we don't have to live in a world
we don't have to live in a world
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这样有一天，我们就不用生活在一个
14:03
where a woman has to risk everything
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女性什么事情都要冒着险去做，
14:05
and come forward
to say the words "me too?"
to say the words "me too?"
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并站出来说“我也是”的世界了
14:07
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
14:18
This is serious stuff.
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这是很严肃的问题
14:21
I've had to take a real, honest look
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我需要真实、诚恳地反省
14:22
at the ways that I've unconsciously
been hurting the women in my life,
been hurting the women in my life,
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我是怎么无意识地伤害生命中的女性的
14:28
and it's ugly.
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这很丑恶
14:31
My wife told me that I had been
acting in a certain way that hurt her
acting in a certain way that hurt her
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我妻子跟我说我一直在伤她
14:36
and not correcting it.
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而且也不改正
14:39
Basically, sometimes
when she would go to speak,
when she would go to speak,
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就是说，有时候她在家或者公共场合
14:43
at home or in public,
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说话时
14:45
I would just cut her off mid-sentence
and finish her thought for her.
and finish her thought for her.
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我会直接从中间打断她然后自己说完
14:51
It's awful.
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这太差劲了
14:53
The worst part was that I was completely
unaware when I was doing it.
unaware when I was doing it.
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最糟糕的是，我完全不知道自己在这么做
14:56
It was unconscious.
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是无意识的
14:58
So here I am doing my part,
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所以看起来我在履行职责
15:00
trying to be a feminist,
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尝试成为一名女权主义者
15:01
amplifying the voices
of women around the world,
of women around the world,
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放大全球女性的声音
15:04
and yet at home,
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可是在家呢
15:05
I am using my louder voice
to silence the woman I love the most.
to silence the woman I love the most.
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我在用我最大的声音让我最爱的女人安静
15:11
So I had to ask myself a tough question:
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所以我得问我自己一个艰难的问题：
15:14
am I man enough
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我够不够男人
15:16
to just shut the hell up and listen?
307
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去闭上臭嘴并聆听？
15:18
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:20
(Applause)
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（掌声）
15:24
I've got to be honest.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
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说实话，我倒希望你们没给这段鼓掌
15:27
(Laughter)
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（笑声）
15:29
Guys,
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1976
各位，
15:31
this is real.
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这是真正存在的
15:33
And I'm just scratching the surface here,
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1976
而且现在我只是浮在表面上
15:35
because the deeper we go,
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
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因为越往深走越丑恶，我给你打保票
15:38
I don't have time to get into porn
and violence against women
and violence against women
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我没时间探讨针对女性的黄片和暴力
15:41
or the split of domestic duties
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家务划分，
15:45
or the gender pay gap.
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1680
或者工资差距
15:48
But I believe that as men,
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1776
但我相信，作为男人，
15:50
it's time we start to see
past our privilege
past our privilege
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是时候无视我们的优先权
15:52
and recognize that we are
not just part of the problem.
not just part of the problem.
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而去认识到我们不是问题的一部分
15:55
Fellas, we are the problem.
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伙计们，我们就是问题
15:56
The glass ceiling exists
because we put it there,
because we put it there,
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是我们让这层玻璃天花板存在的
16:00
and if we want to be
a part of the solution,
a part of the solution,
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如果我们想成为解决方案的一部分
16:02
then words are no longer enough.
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光说说是远远不够的
16:05
There's a quote that I love that
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
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我很喜欢以前巴哈伊教篇章的一句话
16:10
It says that "the world of humanity
is possessed of two wings,
is possessed of two wings,
327
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3560
“人类世界拥有一对翅膀，
16:14
the male and the female.
328
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男人和女人
16:17
So long as these two wings
are not equivalent in strength,
are not equivalent in strength,
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只要这对翅膀力量不平衡，
16:21
the bird will not fly."
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鸟就不会飞翔”
16:25
So women,
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所以女性们，
16:27
on behalf of men all over the world
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我代表这世界上
16:31
who feel similar to me,
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和我感受一样的男性们，
16:34
please forgive us
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请求原谅
16:36
for all the ways that we have not
relied on your strength.
relied on your strength.
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因为我们没有信赖你们的力量
16:41
And now I would like
to ask you to formally help us,
to ask you to formally help us,
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现在我想请你们帮助我们
16:44
because we cannot do this alone.
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因为只凭我们自己还不够
16:46
We are men. We're going to mess up.
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我们是男人，我们肯定会搞砸
16:48
We're going to say the wrong thing.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
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我们说话都不过脑子，我们没有情商
16:51
We're more than likely, probably,
going to offend you.
going to offend you.
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我们肯定会冒犯你们
16:53
But don't lose hope.
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但别放弃希望
16:56
We're only here because of you,
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我们在这儿是为了你们
16:59
and like you, as men, we need
to stand up and become your allies
to stand up and become your allies
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和你们一样，作为男人，我们需要起来做你们的盟友
17:02
as you fight against
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在你们和差不多所有事情
17:05
pretty much everything.
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做斗争的时候
17:08
We need your help
in celebrating our vulnerability
in celebrating our vulnerability
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我们需要你们帮忙宣告我们的弱小
17:11
and being patient with us
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并对我们有点耐心
17:13
as we make this very, very long journey
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在我们彻头彻尾
17:17
from our heads to our hearts.
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进行这段旅程的时候
17:20
And finally to parents:
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最后送给家长：
17:25
instead of teaching our children
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能不能不要教孩子
17:27
to be brave boys or pretty girls,
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怎么做勇敢的男生或漂亮的女生
17:33
can we maybe just teach them
how to be good humans?
how to be good humans?
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而教他们去做好人吗？
17:38
So back to my dad.
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再回来说说我爸
17:41
Growing up, yeah, like every boy,
I had my fair share of issues,
I had my fair share of issues,
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从小到大，像任何一个男生一样，我也有自己的问题
17:45
but now I realize that it was
even thanks to his sensitivity
even thanks to his sensitivity
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但现在我意识到是因为他的敏感
17:48
and emotional intelligence
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和情商
17:50
that I am able to stand here right now
talking to you in the first place.
talking to you in the first place.
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我才能够站在这里和你们说话
17:55
The resentment I had for my dad
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
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过去对我父亲的怨恨，我现在发现和他没关系
17:58
It had everything to do with me
and my longing to be accepted
and my longing to be accepted
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全是和我，我对被接受的渴望
18:04
and to play a role
that was never meant for me.
that was never meant for me.
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和做我不该做的职责的关系
18:07
So while my dad may have not taught me
how to use my hands,
how to use my hands,
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所以尽管我父亲没有教我怎么用手
18:11
he did teach me how to use my heart,
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他教会了我怎么用心
18:14
and to me that makes him
more a man than anything.
more a man than anything.
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对我来说这让他成为了比任何事情都伟大的父亲
18:17
Thank you.
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谢谢
18:19
(Applause)
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（鼓掌）
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com