TEDWomen 2017
Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
Džastin Baldoni (Justin Baldoni): Zašto sam prestao da se trudim da budem „dovoljno muško"
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Džastin Baldoni želi da započne dijalog sa muškarcima o redefinisanju muževnosti - da shvati načine da budu ne samo dobri muškarci već i dobri ljudi. U toplom, ličnom govoru, on deli svoj napor da pomiri ono što jeste sa onim što mu svet govori da bi muškarac trebalo da bude. A on ima i izazov za muškarce: „Da li možete iskoristiti iste kvalitete za koje osećate da vas čine muškarcima kako biste otišli dublje”? Baldoni kaže: °Vaša snaga, vaša hrabrost, vaša čvrstina: da li ste dovoljno hrabri da budete ranjivi? Da li ste dovoljno jaki da budete osećajni? Da li ste dovoljno samouvereni da slušate žene u svom životu”?
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
As an actor, I get scripts
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Kao glumac dobijam tekstove
00:15
and it's my job to stay on script,
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i posao mi je da ih se držim,
00:18
to say my lines
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da izgovorim svoje redove
00:19
and bring to life a character
that someone else wrote.
that someone else wrote.
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i oživim lik koji je neko drugi napisao.
00:23
Over the course of my career,
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Tokom svoje karijere
00:25
I've had the great honor
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imao sam veliku čast
00:27
playing some of the greatest
male role models ever
male role models ever
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da igram neke od najvećih muških uloga
00:31
represented on television.
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ikada predstavljenih na televiziji.
00:33
You might recognize me
as "Male Escort #1."
as "Male Escort #1."
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Možda me prepoznate
kao „Mušku pratnju br.1”.
kao „Mušku pratnju br.1”.
00:36
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:38
"Photographer Date Rapist,"
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„Fotograf silovatelj”,
00:42
"Shirtless Date Rapist"
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„Silovatelj bez majice”
00:43
from the award-winning
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
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iz nagrađenog „Napada ajkula
na prolećnom raspustu”.
na prolećnom raspustu”.
00:46
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
00:48
"Shirtless Medical Student,"
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„Student medicine bez majice”,
00:49
"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
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„Prestupnik na steroidima bez majice”
00:51
and, in my most
well-known role, as Rafael.
well-known role, as Rafael.
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i u mojoj najpoznatijoj ulozi kao Rafael.
00:55
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
00:58
A brooding, reformed playboy
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Zamišljeni, reformisani plejboj
01:01
who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
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koji se zaljubljuje
ni manje ni više, u devicu,
01:04
and who is only occasionally shirtless.
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i koji je samo ponekad bez majice.
01:06
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
01:08
Now, these roles don't represent
the kind of man I am in my real life,
the kind of man I am in my real life,
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Ove uloge ne predstavljaju
tip čoveka koji sam ja zaista,
tip čoveka koji sam ja zaista,
01:12
but that's what I love about acting.
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ali to je ono što volim kod glume.
01:14
I get to live inside characters
very different than myself.
very different than myself.
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Mogu živeti unutar likova
vrlo različitih od sebe.
vrlo različitih od sebe.
01:18
But every time I got
one of these roles, I was surprised,
one of these roles, I was surprised,
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Ali svaki put kada bih dobio
jednu od ovih uloga, bio bih iznenađen,
jednu od ovih uloga, bio bih iznenađen,
01:22
because most of the men
I play ooze machismo,
I play ooze machismo,
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jer većina muškaraca koje igram
zrače muževnošću,
zrače muževnošću,
01:25
charisma and power,
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harizmom i snagom,
01:27
and when I look in the mirror,
that's just not how I see myself.
that's just not how I see myself.
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a kada se pogledam u ogledalo
to jednostavno nije ono kako vidim sebe.
to jednostavno nije ono kako vidim sebe.
01:30
But it was how Hollywood saw me,
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Ali jeste ono kako me je Holivud video
01:32
and over time, I noticed a parallel
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i vremenom sam uočio paralelu
01:34
between the roles I would play as a man
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između uloga koje bih igrao kao muškarac
01:36
both on-screen and off.
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na ekranu i van njega.
01:41
I've been pretending to be
a man that I'm not my entire life.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
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Pretvarao sam se da sam muškarac
kakav nisam celog svog života.
kakav nisam celog svog života.
01:45
I've been pretending
to be strong when I felt weak,
to be strong when I felt weak,
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Pretvarao sam se da sam jak
kada sam se osećao slabim,
kada sam se osećao slabim,
01:49
confident when I felt insecure
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samouveren kada sam se osećao nesigurnim
01:53
and tough when really I was hurting.
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i jak kada sam zapravo patio.
01:56
I think for the most part
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
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Mislim da sam većim delom glumatao,
02:00
but I'm tired of performing.
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ali umoran sam od nastupa.
02:03
And I can tell you right now
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I sada vam mogu reći
02:05
that it is exhausting trying to be
man enough for everyone all the time.
man enough for everyone all the time.
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da je iscrpljujuće biti dovoljno muško
za sve sve vreme.
za sve sve vreme.
02:12
Now -- right?
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Sada - zar ne?
02:13
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
02:16
My brother heard that.
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Moj brat je čuo to.
02:18
Now, for as long
as I can remember, I've been told
as I can remember, I've been told
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Od kada pamtim su mi govorili
02:20
the kind of man
that I should grow up to be.
that I should grow up to be.
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u kakvog muškarca bi trebalo da odrastem.
02:23
As a boy, all I wanted was to be
accepted and liked by the other boys,
accepted and liked by the other boys,
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Kao dečak, sve što sam želeo je da me
drugi dečaci prihvate i vole,
drugi dečaci prihvate i vole,
02:28
but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
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ali je to značilo da moram usvojiti
02:30
this almost disgusted view
of the feminine,
of the feminine,
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taj skoro odvratni pogled na ženstvenost,
02:32
and since we were told that feminine
is the opposite of masculine,
is the opposite of masculine,
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a pošto su nam govorili da je
ženstveno suprotno od muževnog,
ženstveno suprotno od muževnog,
02:35
I either had to reject
embodying any of these qualities
embodying any of these qualities
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ja sam ili morao da odbacim
otelovljenje oba ova kvaliteta
otelovljenje oba ova kvaliteta
02:38
or face rejection myself.
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ili se sam suočim sa odbacivanjem.
02:41
This is the script that we've been given.
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Ovo je tekst koji nam je dat.
02:44
Right? Girls are weak,
and boys are strong.
and boys are strong.
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Zar ne? Devojčice su slabe,
a dečaci su jaki.
a dečaci su jaki.
02:48
This is what's being
subconsciously communicated
subconsciously communicated
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Ovo je ono što se nesvesno komunicira
02:50
to hundreds of millions of young boys
and girls all over the world,
and girls all over the world,
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stotinama miliona mladih
dečaka i devojčica širom sveta,
dečaka i devojčica širom sveta,
02:54
just like it was with me.
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baš kao i meni.
02:56
Well, I came here today to say, as a man
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Došao sam ovde danas
da kažem, kao muškarac,
da kažem, kao muškarac,
03:01
that this is wrong, this is toxic,
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da je ovo pogrešno, toksično,
03:04
and it has to end.
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i mora prestati.
03:06
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
03:12
Now, I'm not here
to give a history lesson.
to give a history lesson.
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E sada, nisam ovde da bih
držao lekciju iz istorije.
držao lekciju iz istorije.
03:16
We likely all know how we got here, OK?
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Verovatno svi znamo
kako smo dospeli ovde, je l' da?
kako smo dospeli ovde, je l' da?
03:18
But I'm just a guy that woke up
after 30 years and realized
after 30 years and realized
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Samo sam momak koji se probudio
posle 30 godina i shvatio
posle 30 godina i shvatio
03:21
that I was living in a state of conflict,
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da je živeo u stanju sukoba,
03:23
conflict with who I feel I am in my core
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sukoba sa onim što osećam da jesam u srži
03:26
and conflict with who the world
tells me as a man I should be.
tells me as a man I should be.
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i sukoba sa muškarcem kakvim mi svet
kaže da bi trebalo da budem.
kaže da bi trebalo da budem.
03:30
But I don't have a desire
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Ali ja nemam želju
03:31
to fit into the current
broken definition of masculinity,
broken definition of masculinity,
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da se uklopim u trenutnu
iskrivljenu definiciju muževnosti,
iskrivljenu definiciju muževnosti,
03:35
because I don't just want
to be a good man.
to be a good man.
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jer ne želim biti samo dobar muškarac,
03:39
I want to be a good human.
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već i dobar čovek.
03:42
And I believe the only way that can happen
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I verujem da jedini način da se to desi
03:44
is if men learn to not only
embrace the qualities
embrace the qualities
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jeste da muškarci nauče
ne samo da usvoje kvalitete
ne samo da usvoje kvalitete
03:46
that we were told
are feminine in ourselves
are feminine in ourselves
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za koje su nam rekli da su ženstveni,
03:50
but to be willing to stand up,
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već da žele da ustanu,
03:52
to champion and learn
from the women who embody them.
from the women who embody them.
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bore se i uče od žena koje ih poseduju.
03:57
Now, men --
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E sada, muškarci -
03:58
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:00
I am not saying that everything
we have learned is toxic. OK?
we have learned is toxic. OK?
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Ne kažem da je sve
što smo naučili toksično, ok?
što smo naučili toksično, ok?
04:03
I'm not saying there's anything
inherently wrong with you or me,
inherently wrong with you or me,
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Ne kažem da je bilo šta suštinski
pogrešno kod vas ili mene,
pogrešno kod vas ili mene,
04:06
and men, I'm not saying
we have to stop being men.
we have to stop being men.
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i ne kažem da moramo
prestati da budemo muškarci.
prestati da budemo muškarci.
04:09
But we need balance, right?
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Ali nam je potreban balans, u redu?
04:12
We need balance,
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Potreban nam je balans,
04:14
and the only way things will change
is if we take a real honest look
is if we take a real honest look
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i jedini način da se stvari promene
je da iskreno pogledamo
je da iskreno pogledamo
04:18
at the scripts that have been
passed down to us
passed down to us
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scenarije koji su nam prosleđivani
04:20
from generation to generation
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iz generacije u generaciju
04:22
and the roles that,
as men, we choose to take on
as men, we choose to take on
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i uloge koje, kao muškarci,
biramo da preuzmemo
biramo da preuzmemo
04:25
in our everyday lives.
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u svakodnevnom životu.
04:27
So speaking of scripts,
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Kada smo kod scenarija,
04:28
the first script I ever got
came from my dad.
came from my dad.
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prvi tekst koji sam ikada dobio
bio je od mog tate.
bio je od mog tate.
04:32
My dad is awesome.
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Moj tata je fenomenalan.
04:33
He's loving, he's kind,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
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On je pun ljubavi, nežan,
osećajan, brižan,
osećajan, brižan,
04:40
he's here.
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on je ovde.
04:42
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
04:48
He's crying.
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On plače.
04:49
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:52
But, sorry, Dad,
as a kid I resented him for it,
as a kid I resented him for it,
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Ali, izvini tata, kao dete sam ga
prezirao zbog toga,
prezirao zbog toga,
04:56
because I blamed him for making me soft,
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jer sam ga krivio što me čini mekim,
04:59
which wasn't welcomed
in the small town in Oregon
in the small town in Oregon
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što nije bilo poželjno
u malom gradu u Oregonu
u malom gradu u Oregonu
05:01
that we had moved to.
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u koji smo se doselili.
05:03
Because being soft
meant that I was bullied.
meant that I was bullied.
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Jer biti mek znači da su me maltretirali.
05:06
See, my dad wasn't
traditionally masculine,
traditionally masculine,
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Vidite, moj tata nije bio
tradicionalno muževan,
tradicionalno muževan,
05:08
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.
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tako da me nije učio
kako da koristim šake.
kako da koristim šake.
05:10
He didn't teach me
how to hunt, how to fight,
how to hunt, how to fight,
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Nije me učio kako da lovim,
kako da se borim,
kako da se borim,
05:14
you know, man stuff.
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znate već, muške stvari.
05:17
Instead he taught me what he knew:
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Umesto toga me je učio šta je znao:
05:19
that being a man was about sacrifice
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da biti muškarac znači žrtvovati se
05:23
and doing whatever you can
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i raditi sve što možeš
05:24
to take care of
and provide for your family.
and provide for your family.
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kako bi brinuo i stvarao
za svoju porodicu.
za svoju porodicu.
05:27
But there was another role
I learned how to play from my dad,
I learned how to play from my dad,
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Ali postojala je još jedna uloga
koju sam naučio od svog tate,
koju sam naučio od svog tate,
05:29
who, I discovered,
learned it from his dad,
learned it from his dad,
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koju je, otkrio sam, naučio od svog tate,
05:32
a state senator
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senatora
05:33
who later in life
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koji je kasnije u životu
05:35
had to work nights as a janitor
to support his family,
to support his family,
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morao da radi noću kao domar
da bi izdržavao porodicu
da bi izdržavao porodicu
05:39
and he never told a soul.
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i nikada nikome nije rekao.
05:41
That role was to suffer in secret.
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Ta uloga je bila tajna patnja.
05:43
And now three generations later,
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I sada tri generacije kasnije,
05:46
I find myself playing that role, too.
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ja igram tu istu ulogu.
05:49
So why couldn't my grandfather
just reach out to another man
just reach out to another man
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Zašto onda moj deda nije prišao
drugom muškarcu
drugom muškarcu
05:53
and ask for help?
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i zatražio pomoć?
05:54
Why does my dad to this day still think
he's got to do it all on his own?
he's got to do it all on his own?
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Zašto moj tata i dan danas misli
da sve mora uraditi sam?
da sve mora uraditi sam?
05:58
I know a man who would rather die
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Znam čoveka koji bi radije umro
06:01
than tell another man
that they're hurting.
that they're hurting.
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nego rekao drugom muškarcu da pati.
06:04
But it's not because we're just all,
like, strong silent types.
like, strong silent types.
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Ali to nije zato što smo svi,
kao, jaki tihi likovi.
kao, jaki tihi likovi.
06:08
It's not. A lot of us men are really good
at making friends, and talking,
at making friends, and talking,
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Nije. Mnogi od nas muškaraca su zaista
dobri u stvaranju drugarstava i priči,
dobri u stvaranju drugarstava i priči,
06:13
just not about anything real.
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smo ne ni o čemu stvarnom.
06:15
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
06:17
If it's about work or sports
or politics or women,
or politics or women,
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Ako je reč oposlu,
sportu, politici ili ženama,
sportu, politici ili ženama,
06:21
we have no problem sharing our opinions,
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nemamo problema da kažemo svoje mišljenje,
06:24
but if it's about
our insecurities or our struggles,
our insecurities or our struggles,
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ali ako je reč o našim
nesigurnostima ili borbama,
nesigurnostima ili borbama,
06:27
our fear of failure,
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našem strahu od neuspeha,
06:30
then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
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u tom slučaju skoro da se parališemo.
06:33
At least, I do.
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Bar ja.
06:37
So some of the ways
that I have been practicing
that I have been practicing
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Neki od načina na koje sam ja vežbao
06:40
breaking free of this behavior
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oslobađanje od ovog ponašanja
06:41
are by creating experiences
that force me to be vulnerable.
that force me to be vulnerable.
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jesu kreiranje iskustava koja me
primoravaju da budem ranjiv.
primoravaju da budem ranjiv.
06:46
So if there's something
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
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Tako da ako postoji nešto
zbog čega osećam sram,
zbog čega osećam sram,
06:50
I practice diving straight into it,
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vežbam skakanje direktno u to,
06:53
no matter how scary it is --
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bez obzira na to koliko je strašno -
06:55
and sometimes, even publicly.
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a ponekad i javno.
06:58
Because then in doing so
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Jer mu time
07:00
I take away its power,
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oduzimam moć,
07:02
and my display of vulnerability
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a moje prikazivanje ranjivosti
07:04
can in some cases give other men
permission to do the same.
permission to do the same.
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može nekad dozvoliti
i drugim muškarcima da urade isto.
i drugim muškarcima da urade isto.
07:09
As an example, a little while ago
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Na primer, pre nekog vremena
07:11
I was wrestling with an issue in my life
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borio sam se sa problemom
07:13
that I knew I needed
to talk to my guy friends about,
to talk to my guy friends about,
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o kome sam znao da moram
porazgovarati sa svojim drugarima,
porazgovarati sa svojim drugarima,
07:17
but I was so paralyzed by fear
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ali sam bio toliko paralisan strahom
07:21
that they would judge me
and see me as weak
and see me as weak
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da će me osuđivati i videti me kao slabog
07:23
and I would lose my standing as a leader
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i da ću izgubiti poziciju vođe
07:27
that I knew I had to take them
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
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da sam znao da ih moram odvesti
van grada na trodnevno muško putovanje -
van grada na trodnevno muško putovanje -
07:32
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
07:33
Just to open up. And guess what?
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samo da bih se otvorio. I pogađajte?
07:36
It wasn't until the end of the third day
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Tek na kraju trećeg dana
07:38
that I finally found
the strength to talk to them
the strength to talk to them
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sam konačno smogao snage
da pričam sa njima
da pričam sa njima
07:42
about what I was going through.
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o onome kroz šta prolazim.
07:45
But when I did,
something amazing happened.
something amazing happened.
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Ali kada sam to uradio,
desilo se nešto divno.
07:47
I realized that I wasn't alone,
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Shvatio sam da nisam sam,
07:50
because my guys had also been struggling.
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jer su se i moji drugari takođe mučili.
07:53
And as soon as I found the strength
and the courage to share my shame,
and the courage to share my shame,
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I čim sam našao snage i hrabrosti
da podelim svoj sram,
da podelim svoj sram,
07:57
it was gone.
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nestao je.
07:59
Now, I've learned over time
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Vremenom sam naučio
08:01
that if I want to practice vulnerability,
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da ako želim da vežbam ranjivost
08:03
then I need to build myself
a system of accountability.
a system of accountability.
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onda moram izgraditi sistem odgovornosti.
08:06
So I've been really blessed as an actor.
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Bio sam zaista blagosloven kao glumac.
08:10
I've built a really wonderful fan base,
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Izgradio sam zaista divnu bazu ljubitelja,
08:13
really, really sweet and engaged,
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zaista slatku i aktivnu,
08:15
and so I decided to use my social platform
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pa sam odlučio da iskoristim
svoju društvenu mrežu
svoju društvenu mrežu
08:18
as kind of this Trojan horse
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kao vrstu trojanskog konja
08:20
wherein I could create a daily practice
of authenticity and vulnerability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
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pri čemu bih kreirao dnevnu
vežbu autentičnosti i ranjivosti.
vežbu autentičnosti i ranjivosti.
08:25
The response has been incredible.
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Odgovor je neverovatan.
08:27
It's been affirming,
it's been heartwarming.
it's been heartwarming.
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Pun je odobravanja, dirljivosti,
08:31
I get tons of love and press
and positive messages daily.
and positive messages daily.
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svakog dana dobijam tone ljubavi
i publiciteta i pozitivnih poruka.
i publiciteta i pozitivnih poruka.
08:36
But it's all from a certain demographic:
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Ali je sve to od određene demografije:
08:40
women.
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žena.
08:41
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:44
This is real.
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Ovo je stvarno.
08:47
Why are only women following me?
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Zašto me prate samo žene?
08:50
Where are the men?
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Gde su muškarci?
08:51
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
08:54
About a year ago, I posted this photo.
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Pre oko godinu dana
postavio sam ovu sliku.
postavio sam ovu sliku.
08:58
Now, afterwards, I was scrolling
through some of the comments,
through some of the comments,
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Nakon toga sam listao neke komentare
09:01
and I noticed that one of my female fans
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
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i primetio da je jedna od mojih ženskih
fanova označila svog dečka na slici,
fanova označila svog dečka na slici,
09:05
and her boyfriend responded by saying,
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a njen dečko je odgovorio:
09:07
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.
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„Molim te prestani da me
označavaš na gej sranju.
označavaš na gej sranju.
09:11
Thx."
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Hvala”.
09:12
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:14
As if being gay makes you
less of a man, right?
less of a man, right?
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Jer vas biti gej čini
manje muškarcem, zar ne?
manje muškarcem, zar ne?
09:18
So I took a deep breath,
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Duboko sam udahnuo
09:21
and I responded.
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i odgovorio.
09:24
I said,
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Rekao sam,
09:26
very politely, that I was just curious,
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vrlo učtivo, da sam samo znatiželjan,
09:28
because I'm on an exploration
of masculinity,
of masculinity,
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jer sam na istraživanju muževnosti,
09:30
and I wanted to know
why my love for my wife
why my love for my wife
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i želim da znam zašto se
moja ljubav prema ženi
moja ljubav prema ženi
09:32
qualified as gay shit.
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kvalifikuje kao gej sranje.
09:34
And then I said,
honestly I just wanted to learn.
honestly I just wanted to learn.
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A zatim sam rekao, iskreno
samo želim da naučim.
samo želim da naučim.
09:37
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
09:42
Now, he immediately wrote me back.
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Momentalno mi je odgovorio.
09:45
I thought he was going to go off on me,
but instead he apologized.
but instead he apologized.
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Mislio sam da će me psovati,
ali se on zapravo izvinio.
ali se on zapravo izvinio.
09:51
He told me how, growing up,
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Rekao mi je da, dok je rastao,
09:53
public displays of affection
were looked down on.
were looked down on.
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javni izlivi emocija
su bili gledani s prezirom.
su bili gledani s prezirom.
09:57
He told me that he was wrestling
and struggling with his ego,
and struggling with his ego,
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Rekao mi je da se rve
i bori sa svojim egom,
i bori sa svojim egom,
10:01
and how much he loved his girlfriend
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i koliko voli svoju devojku
10:03
and how thankful he was for her patience.
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i koliko joj je zahvalan za strpljenje.
10:07
And then a few weeks later,
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A onda nekoliko nedelja kasnije
10:09
he messaged me again.
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pisao mi je ponovo.
10:12
This time he sent me a photo
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Ovog puta mi je poslao sliku
10:15
of him on one knee proposing.
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sebe na kolenu, kako prose svoju devojku.
10:16
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
10:22
And all he said was, "Thank you."
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I rekao je samo „Hvala”.
10:25
I've been this guy.
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Bio sam ovaj momak.
10:27
I get it.
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Razumem ga.
10:28
See, publicly,
he was just playing his role,
he was just playing his role,
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Vidite, javno, on je samo
igrao svoju ulogu,
igrao svoju ulogu,
10:30
rejecting the feminine, right?
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odbijanje ženstvenosti, zar ne?
10:32
But secretly he was waiting
for permission to express himself,
for permission to express himself,
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Ali je potajno čekao dozvolu da se izrazi,
10:37
to be seen, to be heard,
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da ga vide, čuju,
10:38
and all he needed was another man
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i samo mu je trebao drugi muškarac
10:39
holding him accountable
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
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koji ga smatra odgovornim i kreira
bezbedni prostor u kome oseća,
bezbedni prostor u kome oseća,
10:43
and the transformation was instant.
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i transformacija je bila momentalna.
10:45
I loved this experience,
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Volim ovo iskustvo,
10:47
because it showed me
that transformation is possible,
that transformation is possible,
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jer mi je pokazalo da je
transformacija moguća
transformacija moguća
10:50
even over direct messages.
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čak i preko direktnih poruka.
10:52
So I wanted to figure out
how I could reach more men,
how I could reach more men,
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Pa sam želeo da otkrijem kako
da doprem do više muškaraca,
da doprem do više muškaraca,
10:55
but of course none of them
were following me.
were following me.
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ali naravno nijedan me nije pratio.
10:57
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
10:59
So I tried an experiment.
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Pa sam sproveo eksperiment.
11:01
I started posting more
stereotypically masculine things --
stereotypically masculine things --
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Počeo sam da postavljam više
stereotipski muževne stvari -
stereotipski muževne stvari -
11:05
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
11:07
Like my challenging workouts,
my meal plans,
my meal plans,
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Poput mojih izazovnih treninga,
planova za obrok,
planova za obrok,
11:11
my journey to heal my body
after an injury.
after an injury.
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mog puta ka zaceljenju tela nakon povrede.
11:14
And guess what happened?
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I pogodite šta se desilo?
11:17
Men started to write me.
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Muškarci su počeli da mi pišu.
11:19
And then, out of the blue,
for the first time in my entire career,
for the first time in my entire career,
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A zatim, ni od kuda,
prvi put u mojoj karijeri
prvi put u mojoj karijeri
11:22
a male fitness magazine called me,
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pozvao me je muški fitnes magazin
11:25
and they said they wanted to honor me
as one of their game-changers.
as one of their game-changers.
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i rekli su da žele da pišu o meni
kao jednom od revolucionara.
kao jednom od revolucionara.
11:31
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
11:35
Was that really game-changing?
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Da li je to zaista bilo revolucionarno?
11:38
Or is it just conforming?
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Ili samo prilagodljivo?
11:40
And see, that's the problem.
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I u tome je problem.
11:42
It's totally cool for men to follow me
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Potpuno je kul da me muškarci prate
11:44
when I talk about guy stuff
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kada govorim o muškim stvarima
11:47
and I conform to gender norms.
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i prilagođavam se rodnim normama.
11:50
But if I talk about
how much I love my wife
how much I love my wife
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Ali ako govorim o tome
koliko volim svoju ženu
koliko volim svoju ženu
11:54
or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
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ili svoju ćerku ili 10 dana starog sina,
11:58
how I believe that marriage
is challenging but beautiful,
is challenging but beautiful,
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kako verujem da je
brak izazovan ali divan,
brak izazovan ali divan,
12:02
or how as a man
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
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ili kako se kao muškarac borim
sa dismorfijom tela,
sa dismorfijom tela,
12:06
or if I promote gender equality,
then only the women show up.
then only the women show up.
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ili ako promovišem jednakost polova,
pojavljuju se samo žene.
pojavljuju se samo žene.
12:10
Where are the men?
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Gde su muškarci?
12:12
So men, men, men,
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Prema tome muškarci, muškarci, muškarci,
12:17
men!
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muškarci!
12:19
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
12:27
I understand.
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Razumem.
12:29
Growing up, we tend
to challenge each other.
to challenge each other.
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Dok rastemo izazivamo jedni druge.
12:32
We've got to be the toughest,
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Moramo biti najopasniji,
12:33
the strongest, the bravest
men that we can be.
men that we can be.
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najjači, najhrabriji muškarci.
12:36
And for many of us, myself included,
our identities are wrapped up
our identities are wrapped up
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I za mnoge od nas, uključujući i mene,
naši identiteti su umotani
naši identiteti su umotani
12:40
in whether or not at the end of the day
we feel like we're man enough.
we feel like we're man enough.
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u to da li se ili ne na kraju dana osećamo
kao dovoljno muško.
12:45
But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
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Ali imam jedan izazov za vas, momci,
12:47
because men love challenges.
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jer muškarci vole izazove.
12:49
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
12:52
I challenge you to see
if you can use the same qualities
if you can use the same qualities
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Izazivam vas da vidite da li možete
iskoristiti iste kvalitete
12:55
that you feel make you a man
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za koje osećate da vas čine muškarcima
12:57
to go deeper into yourself.
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da biste zašli dublje u sebe.
13:00
Your strength, your bravery,
your toughness:
your toughness:
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Vašu snagu, hrabrost, čvrstinu.
13:03
Can we redefine what those mean
and use them to explore our hearts?
and use them to explore our hearts?
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Da li možemo da ih redefinišemo i
upotrebimo ih za istraživanje svojih srca?
upotrebimo ih za istraživanje svojih srca?
13:10
Are you brave enough
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Da li ste dovoljno hrabri
13:12
to be vulnerable?
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da budete ranjivi?
13:15
To reach out to another man
when you need help?
when you need help?
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Da se obratite drugom muškarcu za pomoć?
13:18
To dive headfirst into your shame?
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Da skočite glavom u svoj sram?
13:22
Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
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Da li ste dovoljno jaki
da budete osećajni,
da budete osećajni,
13:25
to cry whether you are hurting
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da plačete i kada vas boli
13:27
or you're happy,
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i kada ste srećni,
13:28
even if it makes you look weak?
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čak i ako zato izgledate slabi?
13:31
Are you confident enough
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Da li ste dovoljno sigurni u sebe
13:34
to listen to the women in your life?
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da slušate žene u svom životu?
13:37
To hear their ideas and their solutions?
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Da čujete njihove ideje i rešenja?
13:39
To hold their anguish
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Da zadržite njihovu mržnju
13:41
and actually believe them,
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i zapravo im verujete
13:44
even if what they're saying
is against you?
is against you?
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čak i kada je to što govore protiv vas?
13:47
And will you be man enough
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I da li ćete biti dovoljno muško
13:49
to stand up to other men
when you hear "locker room talk,"
when you hear "locker room talk,"
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da se suprotstavite drugim muškarcima
kada čujete „priče iz svlačionice”,
kada čujete „priče iz svlačionice”,
13:53
when you hear stories
of sexual harassment?
of sexual harassment?
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kada čujete priče
о seksualnom zlostavljanju?
о seksualnom zlostavljanju?
13:55
When you hear your boys talking
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
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Kada čujete svoje drugare
kako su je zgrabili za dupe ili napili,
kako su je zgrabili za dupe ili napili,
13:59
will you actually stand up
and do something
and do something
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da li ćete zaista ustati i nešto uraditi
14:01
so that one day
we don't have to live in a world
we don't have to live in a world
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da jednog dana ne bismo živeli u svetu
14:03
where a woman has to risk everything
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u kome žena mora rizikovati sve
14:05
and come forward
to say the words "me too?"
to say the words "me too?"
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i istupiti da bi izgovorila „ja takođe”?
14:07
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
14:18
This is serious stuff.
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Ovo su ozbiljne stvari.
14:21
I've had to take a real, honest look
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Morao sam da zaista, iskreno sagledam
14:22
at the ways that I've unconsciously
been hurting the women in my life,
been hurting the women in my life,
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načine na koje sam nesvesno
povređivao žene u svom životu,
povređivao žene u svom životu,
14:28
and it's ugly.
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i grozno je.
14:31
My wife told me that I had been
acting in a certain way that hurt her
acting in a certain way that hurt her
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Moja žena mi je rekla da sam se ponašao
na određeni način koji ju je povređivao
na određeni način koji ju je povređivao
14:36
and not correcting it.
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i nisam ga ispravljao.
14:39
Basically, sometimes
when she would go to speak,
when she would go to speak,
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Naime, ponekad kada bi pričala
14:43
at home or in public,
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kod kuće ili u javnosti,
14:45
I would just cut her off mid-sentence
and finish her thought for her.
and finish her thought for her.
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ja bih je prekinuo u pola rečenice
i završio njenu misao.
i završio njenu misao.
14:51
It's awful.
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Odvratno je.
14:53
The worst part was that I was completely
unaware when I was doing it.
unaware when I was doing it.
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Najgore je što apsolutno nisam
imao pojma da sam to radio.
imao pojma da sam to radio.
14:56
It was unconscious.
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Bilo je nesvesno.
14:58
So here I am doing my part,
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I evo me ovde, igram svoju ulogu,
15:00
trying to be a feminist,
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pokušavajući da budem feminista,
15:01
amplifying the voices
of women around the world,
of women around the world,
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pojačavajući glasove žena širom sveta,
15:04
and yet at home,
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a kod kuće
15:05
I am using my louder voice
to silence the woman I love the most.
to silence the woman I love the most.
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koristim svoj glasniji glas da ućutkam
ženu koju volim najviše na svetu.
ženu koju volim najviše na svetu.
15:11
So I had to ask myself a tough question:
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Tako da sam sebi morao
da postavim teško pitanje:
15:14
am I man enough
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da li sam dovoljno muško
15:16
to just shut the hell up and listen?
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da jednostavno ućutim i slušam?
15:18
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
15:20
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
15:24
I've got to be honest.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
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Moram biti iskren. Voleo bih
da to nije dobilo aplauz.
da to nije dobilo aplauz.
15:27
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
15:29
Guys,
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Momci,
15:31
this is real.
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ovo je stvarno.
15:33
And I'm just scratching the surface here,
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A ja sam ovim samo zagrebao površinu,
15:35
because the deeper we go,
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
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jer što dublje idemo, sve je ružnije,
garantujem vam.
garantujem vam.
15:38
I don't have time to get into porn
and violence against women
and violence against women
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Nemam vremena da se bavim
pornografijom i nasiljem nad ženama
pornografijom i nasiljem nad ženama
15:41
or the split of domestic duties
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ili podeli obaveza u kući,
15:45
or the gender pay gap.
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ili platnoj polnoj diskriminaciji.
15:48
But I believe that as men,
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Ali verujem da nam je, kao muškarcima
15:50
it's time we start to see
past our privilege
past our privilege
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vreme da gledamo van svojih privilegija
15:52
and recognize that we are
not just part of the problem.
not just part of the problem.
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i priznamo ne samo da smo deo problema.
15:55
Fellas, we are the problem.
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Drugari, mi jesmo problem.
15:56
The glass ceiling exists
because we put it there,
because we put it there,
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Stakleni plafon postoji
jer smo ga mi postavili,
jer smo ga mi postavili,
16:00
and if we want to be
a part of the solution,
a part of the solution,
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i ako želimo da budeo deo rešenja,
16:02
then words are no longer enough.
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onda reči nisu više dovoljne.
16:05
There's a quote that I love that
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
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Postoji Baha'i izreka koju volim
i sa kojom sam odrastao.
i sa kojom sam odrastao.
16:10
It says that "the world of humanity
is possessed of two wings,
is possessed of two wings,
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Ona kaže da „svet čovečanstva
poseduju dva krila,
poseduju dva krila,
16:14
the male and the female.
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muško i žensko.
16:17
So long as these two wings
are not equivalent in strength,
are not equivalent in strength,
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Sve dok ova dva krila nisu
jednaka po snazi,
jednaka po snazi,
16:21
the bird will not fly."
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ptica neće leteti”.
16:25
So women,
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Prema tome žene,
16:27
on behalf of men all over the world
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u ime muškaraca širom sveta
16:31
who feel similar to me,
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koji se osećaju slično kao ja,
16:34
please forgive us
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molim vas oprostite nam
16:36
for all the ways that we have not
relied on your strength.
relied on your strength.
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za svaki put kada se nismo
oslonili na vašu snagu.
oslonili na vašu snagu.
16:41
And now I would like
to ask you to formally help us,
to ask you to formally help us,
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I sada želim da vas zamolim
dа nam zvanično pomognete
dа nam zvanično pomognete
16:44
because we cannot do this alone.
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jer ovo ne možemo sami.
16:46
We are men. We're going to mess up.
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Mi smo muškarci. Zabrljaćemo.
16:48
We're going to say the wrong thing.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
We're going to be tone-deaf.
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Reći ćemo pogrešnu stvar.
Slušaćemo selektivno.
Slušaćemo selektivno.
16:51
We're more than likely, probably,
going to offend you.
going to offend you.
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Više je nego verovatno
da ćemo vas uvrediti.
da ćemo vas uvrediti.
16:53
But don't lose hope.
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Ali ne gubite nadu.
16:56
We're only here because of you,
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Ovde smo samo zbog vas,
16:59
and like you, as men, we need
to stand up and become your allies
to stand up and become your allies
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i kao vi, mi muškarci moramo ustati
i postati vaši saveznici
i postati vaši saveznici
17:02
as you fight against
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jer se borite
17:05
pretty much everything.
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protiv prilično svega.
17:08
We need your help
in celebrating our vulnerability
in celebrating our vulnerability
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Potrebna nam je vaša pomoć
u prihvatnju ranjivosti
u prihvatnju ranjivosti
17:11
and being patient with us
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i strpljivost sa nama
17:13
as we make this very, very long journey
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jer smo na ovom vrlo, vrlo dugom putu
17:17
from our heads to our hearts.
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od naših glava do naših srca.
17:20
And finally to parents:
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I konačno roditeljima:
17:25
instead of teaching our children
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umesto da učimo svoju decu
17:27
to be brave boys or pretty girls,
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da budu hrabri dečaci i lepe devojčice,
17:33
can we maybe just teach them
how to be good humans?
how to be good humans?
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da li možda možemo da ih samo naučimo
kako da budu dobri ljudi?
kako da budu dobri ljudi?
17:38
So back to my dad.
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Vratimo se na mog tatu.
17:41
Growing up, yeah, like every boy,
I had my fair share of issues,
I had my fair share of issues,
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Odrastajući, da, kao i svaki dečak,
imao sam svoje probleme,
imao sam svoje probleme,
17:45
but now I realize that it was
even thanks to his sensitivity
even thanks to his sensitivity
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ali sada shvatam da zahvaljujući
njegovoj osećajnosti
njegovoj osećajnosti
17:48
and emotional intelligence
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i emocionalnoj inteligenciji
17:50
that I am able to stand here right now
talking to you in the first place.
talking to you in the first place.
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ja sada mogu da stojim ovde
i pričam sa vama.
i pričam sa vama.
17:55
The resentment I had for my dad
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
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Sada shvatam da prezir koji sam prema
njemu osećao nije imao veze sa njim.
njemu osećao nije imao veze sa njim.
17:58
It had everything to do with me
and my longing to be accepted
and my longing to be accepted
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Imao je veze samnom i mojom željom
da budem prihvaćen
da budem prihvaćen
18:04
and to play a role
that was never meant for me.
that was never meant for me.
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i igram ulogu koja mi nikada
nije bila namenjena.
18:07
So while my dad may have not taught me
how to use my hands,
how to use my hands,
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I iako me moj tata možda nije
naučio da koristim šake,
naučio da koristim šake,
18:11
he did teach me how to use my heart,
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naučio me je da koristim srce,
18:14
and to me that makes him
more a man than anything.
more a man than anything.
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a za mene ga to čini više
muškarcem nego bilo šta.
muškarcem nego bilo šta.
18:17
Thank you.
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Hvala.
18:19
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Justin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneurAn outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com