Justin Baldoni: Why I'm done trying to be "man enough"
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity. Full bio
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that someone else wrote.
male role models ever
as "Male Escort #1."
"Spring Break Shark Attack."
well-known role, as Rafael.
the kind of man I am in my real life,
very different than myself.
one of these roles, I was surprised,
I play ooze machismo,
that's just not how I see myself.
a man that I'm not my entire life.
to be strong when I felt weak,
I've just been kind of putting on a show,
man enough for everyone all the time.
as I can remember, I've been told
that I should grow up to be.
accepted and liked by the other boys,
of the feminine,
is the opposite of masculine,
embodying any of these qualities
and boys are strong.
and girls all over the world,
to give a history lesson.
after 30 years and realized
tells me as a man I should be.
broken definition of masculinity,
to be a good man.
embrace the qualities
are feminine in ourselves
from the women who embody them.
we have learned is toxic. OK?
inherently wrong with you or me,
we have to stop being men.
is if we take a real honest look
passed down to us
as men, we choose to take on
came from my dad.
he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
as a kid I resented him for it,
in the small town in Oregon
meant that I was bullied.
how to hunt, how to fight,
and provide for your family.
I learned how to play from my dad,
learned it from his dad,
to support his family,
just reach out to another man
he's got to do it all on his own?
that they're hurting.
like, strong silent types.
at making friends, and talking,
or politics or women,
our insecurities or our struggles,
that I have been practicing
that force me to be vulnerable.
I'm experiencing shame around in my life,
permission to do the same.
to talk to my guy friends about,
and see me as weak
out of town on a three-day guys trip --
the strength to talk to them
something amazing happened.
and the courage to share my shame,
a system of accountability.
of authenticity and vulnerability.
it's been heartwarming.
and positive messages daily.
through some of the comments,
had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,
less of a man, right?
why my love for my wife
honestly I just wanted to learn.
but instead he apologized.
were looked down on.
and struggling with his ego,
he was just playing his role,
for permission to express himself,
and creating a safe space for him to feel,
that transformation is possible,
how I could reach more men,
were following me.
stereotypically masculine things --
my meal plans,
after an injury.
for the first time in my entire career,
as one of their game-changers.
how much I love my wife
is challenging but beautiful,
I struggle with body dysmorphia,
then only the women show up.
to challenge each other.
men that we can be.
our identities are wrapped up
we feel like we're man enough.
if you can use the same qualities
and use them to explore our hearts?
when you need help?
is against you?
when you hear "locker room talk,"
of sexual harassment?
about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,
and do something
we don't have to live in a world
to say the words "me too?"
been hurting the women in my life,
acting in a certain way that hurt her
when she would go to speak,
and finish her thought for her.
unaware when I was doing it.
of women around the world,
to silence the woman I love the most.
I wish that didn't get an applause.
the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
and violence against women
past our privilege
not just part of the problem.
because we put it there,
a part of the solution,
I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.
is possessed of two wings,
are not equivalent in strength,
relied on your strength.
to ask you to formally help us,
We're going to be tone-deaf.
going to offend you.
to stand up and become your allies
in celebrating our vulnerability
how to be good humans?
I had my fair share of issues,
even thanks to his sensitivity
talking to you in the first place.
I now realize had nothing to do with him.
and my longing to be accepted
that was never meant for me.
how to use my hands,
more a man than anything.
ABOUT THE SPEAKERJustin Baldoni - Actor, filmmaker, social entrepreneur
An outspoken feminist, Justin Baldoni has been doubling down on his efforts to start a dialogue with men to redefine masculinity.
Why you should listen
Justin Baldoni is an actor, director and entrepreneur whose efforts are focused on creating impactful media. He can be seen playing Rafael on CW’s award-winning phenomenon Jane the Virgin. In 2012, Baldoni created the most watched digital documentary series in history, My Last Days, a show about living told by the dying. On the heels of that success, Baldoni founded Wayfarer Entertainment, a digital media studio focused on disruptive inspiration.
In 2014 Baldoni started the annual Carnival of Love with a mission to improve the way the Los Angeles community views and interacts those experiencing homelessness. To support his work on Skid Row, he started the Wayfarer Foundation, which supports his work breaking the cycle of homelessness and supporting individuals facing terminal illness.
Justin Baldoni | Speaker | TED.com