TED Residency
Jackson Bird: How to talk (and listen) to transgender people
Filmed:
Readability: 4.1
1,537,967 views
Gender should be the least remarkable thing about someone, but transgender people are still too often misunderstood. To help those who are scared to ask questions or nervous about saying the wrong thing, Jackson Bird shares a few ways to think about trans issues. And in this funny, frank talk, he clears up a few misconceptions about pronouns, transitioning, bathrooms and more.
Jackson Bird - Digital storyteller, activist
TED Resident Jackson Bird is using digital storytelling to demystify the transgender experience. Full bio
TED Resident Jackson Bird is using digital storytelling to demystify the transgender experience. Full bio
Double-click the English transcript below to play the video.
00:12
Hi, I'm Jack,
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and I'm transgender.
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Let me take a guess at some of thoughts
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that might be running
through your head right now.
through your head right now.
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"Transgender?
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Wait, does that mean that they're
actually a man or actually a woman?"
actually a man or actually a woman?"
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"I wonder if he's had the surgery yet ...
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Oh, now I'm looking at his crotch.
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Look to the right,
that's a safe place to look."
that's a safe place to look."
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"Yes, I knew it!
No real man has hips like those."
No real man has hips like those."
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"My friend's daughter is transgender --
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I wonder if they know each other."
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"Oh my gosh, he is so brave.
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I would totally support his right
to use the men's bathroom.
to use the men's bathroom.
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Wait, but how does he use the bathroom?
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How does he have sex?"
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OK, OK, let's stop
those hypothetical questions
those hypothetical questions
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before we get too close for my comfort.
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I mean, don't get me wrong,
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I did come here today to share
my personal experiences being transgender,
my personal experiences being transgender,
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but I did not wake up this morning
wanting to tell an entire audience
wanting to tell an entire audience
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about my sex life.
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Of course, that's the problem
with being trans, right?
with being trans, right?
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People are pretty much always
wondering how we have sex
wondering how we have sex
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and what kind of equipment
we're working with below the belt.
we're working with below the belt.
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01:12
Being trans is awkward.
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And not just because the gender
I was assigned at birth
I was assigned at birth
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mismatches the one I really am.
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Being trans is awkward
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because everyone else gets awkward
when they're around me.
when they're around me.
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People who support me and all other
trans people wholeheartedly
trans people wholeheartedly
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are often so scared to say to wrong thing,
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so embarrassed to not know
what they think they should,
what they think they should,
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that they never ask.
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Part of what was so nerve-racking
about coming out as transgender
about coming out as transgender
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was knowing that people
wouldn't know what I meant.
wouldn't know what I meant.
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And when someone comes out as gay,
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people know what that means,
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but when you come out as trans,
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you have to face the misconceptions
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that will color other people's
impressions of you
impressions of you
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even after you've educated them ...
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And you will have to educate them.
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When I came out,
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I wrote at 10-page encyclopedic document
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with a zip-file attachment
of music and videos
of music and videos
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that I sent to every
single person I came out to.
single person I came out to.
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(Laughter)
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And I kept it in my email signature
for months afterwards,
for months afterwards,
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because you also
don't ever stop coming out.
don't ever stop coming out.
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I came out to the accountant
helping me with my taxes
helping me with my taxes
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and the TSA agents who didn't know
which one of them should pat me down,
which one of them should pat me down,
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the man or the woman.
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I mean, I just came out
to everyone watching this.
to everyone watching this.
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When I came out to my dad,
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to my great relief, he was totally cool
with me being trans,
with me being trans,
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but as soon as I started talking
about physically transitioning,
about physically transitioning,
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he freaked.
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And I quickly realized it was because he,
like so many other people,
like so many other people,
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think that physical transition
means just one thing:
means just one thing:
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the surgery.
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Now, listen,
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if there were one magical surgery
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that could turn me into a tall, muscular,
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societally perfect image
of a man overnight,
of a man overnight,
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I'd sign up in a heartbeat.
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Unfortunately, it isn't that simple.
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There are dozens of different
gender-affirming surgeries
gender-affirming surgeries
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from chest surgeries to bottom surgeries
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to facial feminization and man-sculpting.
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Many trans people will only ever undergo
one procedure in their lifetime, if that.
one procedure in their lifetime, if that.
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Maybe because they don't
personally feel the need
personally feel the need
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but also because they're expensive,
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and health insurance
is only beginning to cover them.
is only beginning to cover them.
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Instead, the first step for a trans person
seeking physical transition
seeking physical transition
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is usually hormone replacement therapy.
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Hormones are why I have a deeper voice
and some sparse whiskers on my neck
and some sparse whiskers on my neck
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and a giant pimple on my chin.
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Basically, they put you
through a second puberty ...
through a second puberty ...
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it's a blast.
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(Laughter)
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Now, because our transitions
are slower and steadier
are slower and steadier
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than historic misconceptions
can lead people to believe,
can lead people to believe,
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there can be some confusion
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about when to call someone
by their new name and pronouns.
by their new name and pronouns.
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There's no distinct point
in physical transition
in physical transition
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at which a trans person
becomes their true gender.
becomes their true gender.
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As soon as they tell you
their new name and pronouns,
their new name and pronouns,
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that's when you start using them.
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It can be difficult to make the change.
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You might slip up here and there;
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I've slipped up myself
with other trans people.
with other trans people.
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04:01
But I always think to myself,
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if we can change from calling
Puff Daddy to P. Diddy,
Puff Daddy to P. Diddy,
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and if we apologize profusely
when we've used the wrong gender pronoun
when we've used the wrong gender pronoun
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for someone's pet cat --
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I mean, I think we can make
the same effort
the same effort
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for the real humans in our lives.
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Now, there is no topic that makes other
people more awkward about trans people
people more awkward about trans people
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than public bathrooms.
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Ah, the bathrooms --
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the latest political flash point
for LGBT opponents.
for LGBT opponents.
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Here's a fun fact about bathrooms:
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more US congressmen have been convicted
of assaulting someone in a public bathroom
of assaulting someone in a public bathroom
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than trans people have been.
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(Laughter)
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The truth is we trans people are so much
more scared of you than you are of us.
more scared of you than you are of us.
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It's a huge point of discussion
in trans communities
in trans communities
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about which bathroom
to start using and when,
to start using and when,
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so we don't attract attention
that could lead to violence against us.
that could lead to violence against us.
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I personally started using the men's room
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when I started getting confused
and frightened looks in the women's room,
and frightened looks in the women's room,
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even though I was petrified
to start going into the men's room.
to start going into the men's room.
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And often we opt to just
not go to the bathroom at all.
not go to the bathroom at all.
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A 2015 national survey of trans people
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found that eight percent of us
had had a urinary tract infection
had had a urinary tract infection
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in the past year
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as a result of avoiding restrooms.
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These bathroom bills
aren't protecting anyone.
aren't protecting anyone.
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All they're doing
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is ensuring that when trans people
are assaulted in bathrooms,
are assaulted in bathrooms,
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the law will no longer be on our side
when we report it.
when we report it.
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Being trans means a daily onslaught
of these misconceptions.
of these misconceptions.
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And I have it pretty easy.
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I am a white, able-bodied guy
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sitting nearly at the peak
of privilege mountain.
of privilege mountain.
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For non-binary people,
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for trans women,
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for trans people of color,
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it is so much harder.
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So I've given you a starter pack
of trans knowledge
of trans knowledge
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that I hope will lead
to more learning on your own.
to more learning on your own.
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Talk to trans people.
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Listen to us.
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Amplify our voices.
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Take the heat off of us
and educate those around you
and educate those around you
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so we don't have to every time.
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Maybe someday, when I say,
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"Hi, I'm Jack, and I'm transgender,"
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the only response I'll get is,
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"Hi, nice to meet you."
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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ABOUT THE SPEAKER
Jackson Bird - Digital storyteller, activistTED Resident Jackson Bird is using digital storytelling to demystify the transgender experience.
Why you should listen
After publicly coming out as transgender in 2015, Jackson Bird has been committed to amplifying the voices of transgender people and breaking down the stigma attached to their experiences. He shares the stories of fellow transgender people on his podcast, Transmission, as well as on his ongoing YouTube series, "Queerstory."
Bird is also known for his work with the Harry Potter Alliance (HPA), a nonprofit that activates online fan communities towards social action. A 2017 TED Resident and 2016 YouTube NextUp Creator, Bird was also a 2015 LogoTV Social Trailblazer nominee and hailed by MTV as a "Social Media Warrior Who Helped Restore Our Faith in 2016."
Jackson is currently a Craig Newmark Organizer-In-Residence at Civic Hall and runs the monthly LGBTQIA+ Creators Group at YouTube Space NY. He currently lives in New York City.
Jackson Bird | Speaker | TED.com